How much do you notice if a male has long hair?

[Bootsie]

I had a college student--so 20ish year old male--compalin to me about his employer giving him a hard time about his hair.  He has a mullet (or what I would call 80's rock star hair--but that is showing my age), that is short in the front but a couple of inches below his shoulders in the back.  It is nothing that jumped out at me in class as being unkempt or out of the ordinary.  He has to wear it pinned back at work; he is not working in medical, food, or overly conservative environment.  But, he had just received an email from his boss that he would have to start wearing the back part pinned in a bun (not just a pony tail) and the front part slicked back.  The front part isn'tlong at all.  He was complaining that females are not required to pin their hair back--so there isn't a safety or health issue, apparently.  And, the employer allows facial hair and visible tatoos.

Ironically, I had a female student come by my office today who works for the same employer.  She has long hair, and I somewhat jokingly asked if she was required to pin it back.  She said no, but she knew females who had been told to go put on makeup.  She also said that they are desparate for employees and have had to cut some services the business usually provides because of lack of workers.

I was just shocked that in this day-and-age an employer would tell males their hair was too long and the females they needed to put on makeup just from a discrimination standpoint--much less when they are short on workers.  I just don't give a second thought to males with long hair--I would think maybe it is because I am around college students so much that I have grown accustomed to it, but I have colleagues, neighbors, and other male friends who are much older than that who wear their hair long.  And I know many females who don't wear makeup.  

[Selkie]

To me, it seems very commonplace. I have two boys in college. One has shoulder length hair and the other has hair halfway down his back.

[itsheresomewhere]

The only time I really notice it is when it is just a beautiful head of hair.  The lush, shiny hair that some have. 

[katilac]

9 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

He has to wear it pinned back at work; he is not working in medical, food, or overly conservative environment.  

This sounds like it might be just the boss, not the company. Is there an HR department?

[Jaybee]

Long hair on guys doesn't bother me at all unless it is dirty and/or not taken care of. But that bothers me on girls as well. I've told my sons that I don't really care what style they want as long as they have a good haircut (don't let it get damaged) and keep it clean/brushed. I'd want them to pull it back if they were working with food or in a medical setting. I've seen hair on guys that I might think that particular one would look a lot better with a short cut, but I'm thinking of a couple of guys that I know whose hair is rather bushy/curly, and once they cut it, it was much more attractive because it fit their hair texture better.

ETA: We used to live in a South American country where it was very common (much more than in the US) for the young men to have long hair. Generally, they had thick slightly wavy hair that was very shiny, clean, and well cut. They often wore it in a low ponytail. Those guys really had beautiful hair!

Edited October 23, 2021 by Jaybee

[Indigo Blue]

I think that’s odd, really. One of my sons has long hair and works in a professional environment. No one has ever said anything. 
 

I love long hair on guys.

 

[Terabith]

I cannot tell you how appalled I am that a woman would be told to put on makeup.  That's horrific.  

It's also terrible to have a double standard about hair, too.  

Sheesh.

[kbutton]

38 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

She also said that they are desparate for employees and have had to cut some services the business usually provides because of lack of workers.

Big surprise with the micromanagement of hair and face, lol! 

[City Mouse]

Perhaps it depends on the field of employment, but I would expect the rules to be similar for males and females. In my DH’s career field men are expected to have short (above the collar) hair even when the departments allow facial hair and arm tattoos. Females with long hair wear a bun but not usually ponytails. However, the comment about wearing make up makes me think that this particular employer has issues. 
 

 

[RootAnn]

I'm not a fan of long hair on guys. But that's personal. I can't imagine an employer having a double standard on hair like that, especially against guys. That's wrong. So's the makeup requirement.

When I worked, I did have a (male) manager ask me to see what type of pants the female managers wore and to buy those. Shrug.

[SKL]

I notice long hair on guys, but it doesn't bother me as long as it's groomed.

Back in 1994 my workplace had a male receptionist with long hair in a pony tail.  I do think they required him to keep it in a pony tail vs. having it loose.  But it was 1994 and he was client-facing.

I guess if it was an office that required business dress, I could see there being some rules just to make sure everyone looks like they work there.

As for wearing make-up, I've never worn it, and I've worked in very professional settings.  I can't imagine ever being asked to do that, even 30 years ago.  Then again, it might make sense in a certain specific industries, now that I think about it.

Edited October 23, 2021 by SKL

[Melissa Louise]

DS has super long hair, so it's totally normal to me. He wears it up for work. 

[wathe]

Both sons and DH all have long hair.  DH wears his ponied and  younger son neatly braided. Older son prefers a shaggy mess, but he will smarten it up with a neat pony when required.  

[WildflowerMom]

I don't know that I notice at all, really.  🤷🏻‍♀️   Hair is not really on my radar, I guess.   I just don't think about it.  

[MercyA]

I always notice, but it doesn't bother me. 

I think it's extremely odd that the employer specified a bun rather than a ponytail and wanted the hair slicked back. What in the world? And telling women to put on makeup? Why???

Curious what type of work environment this is.

[mathnerd]

I am used to seeing a lot of men with long hair in ponytails. It seems commonplace in my area. My friend's husband has had waist length flowing hair since the 90's and I even ask him for tips on conditioners and how to keep it healthy because my hair would never be lustrous if it were that long! The only place where the men are specifically seen with their long hair in a bun in my area are the male nurses and medical assistants in larger hospitals and medical groups - I am not sure if this is a policy or if they are asked to wear their hair that way. My son's pediatrician is a woman in that medical group and her hair is really long and not constrained in any way.

[Resilient]

I like long hair on men. I prefer it tied back in almost every case though.  Most of the time, personal envy is involved.

ETA: but it has to be clean. 

Edited October 23, 2021 by Resilient

[Carrie12345]

Do I notice? Yes, I have eyes. And a son with long hair. My other two sons have had longish hair at times, and we know a lot of boys who have or have had long hair. There’s  nothing wrong with it at all. My daughter’s ear gauge things are about the only thing that irks me about appearances, but it is what it is, and doesn’t impact performance.

I hate when people have issues with hair. I know a business owner who has recently complained to others about “unprofessional” dreadlocks. While I don’t want to see it get to and impact the employee who has them, the dark place in me wants to see that jerk get sued. Hard.

The makeup thing is insane. I’m someone who would wear makeup to work, but decent makeup is $$$$$$$! I rarely wear it, and still cringe at the cost of replacing things after a year. While I recognize the ethics should be taking priority here, I’m enraged at the financial implication. Particularly for any person that has no desire to paint their face.

 

[Carrie12345]

Coming back to add, because I’m THAT annoyed... makeup is a skill. Not everyone has that skill. I know my makeup doesn’t look all that terrific, but I think it’s at a level where, hopefully, people aren’t thinking I look ridiculous when I wear it. Or when I don’t, for that matter.  
But, the truth is some people have little to no knack for it at all. (Regardless of desire.)  

If I found myself in a place that told me to wear it, I’d seriously consider colors and techniques that would have the boss rethinking their insistence. Before quitting. 😛 

[Guest]

I would say it sounds like the boss is old school in his thinking.  My attorney is like that too, though somewhere along the way he realized he best not make remarks to female collègues or subordinates. I do think he nags the law clerk excessively about appearance. 
 

My boss has “suggested” to me that I should wear dark lipstick; this was mostly in the context of when I was planning for my dd’s wedding. But I hate wearing lipstick daily, so I don’t. He also “suggested” I should get my nails done but I don’t like fingernails long enough to impede my typing/drawing/painting etc. So I just painted my own short fingernails for the wedding. 
 

My son has bi-level long hair he wears in a bun. When my son was a teen, dh constantly nagged him (and me) whenever his hair got shaggy. It was the most obnoxious thing. Somewhere along the line, dh either realized or was advised by someone that this was not a hill to die on. When ds started at college, his hair was in a bun, he got both ears and his nose pierced - all things dh would have harped on in the past. But he gave up fussing about it. Truthfully, the nose piercing took some getting used to for me but I like it now. Look at how handsome he is: 

[marbel]

I notice hair, like I notice a lot of things about people - with nothing more than a passing glance, maybe a remark *in my head only* if something is, well, remarkable to me, and that's about it. 

My son had shoulder-length hair for a time. When he left for college he gave up the buzz cut  he'd always had and just let it grow, for 2 years. It looked beautiful. He has since gotten it cut, but no more buzz for him. He has great thick wavy glossy hair. 

I'm curious about the work environment too. Bosses have no business telling people what to do outside of a published dress code that is made clear before hiring. Male bosses in general should not be talking about appearance with females, unless it's to enforce the published dress code. 

[lmrich]

10 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The only time I really notice it is when it is just a beautiful head of hair.  The lush, shiny hair that some have. 

Or when it really stringy and gross...

I have long hair and usually put it back anyways. I assume they are not wait staff or working with food. AND if this is not a health thing, none of his business. Plus not wearing make-up - yikes! Definetly none of his business. 

[elegantlion]

My son and SO both have longer hair. Ds wears his in a ponytail most of the time. He also has a full beard that he keeps short.  I don't tend to see long hair on men as standing out unless it's a mess - which as noted above I also notice on women. 

Agreed that the makeup on women comment is creepy. 

[J-rap]

I may or may not notice long hair on guys, but if I do notice, I usually like it.  The only time I don't care for it is if it's dirty or stringy or constantly gets in their face, same as I'd feel about a woman with long hair.  I can see in a professional setting they may ask that they wear it back so it looks tidier.  Maybe with a mohawk, it looks tidier pulled back and pinned?  Maybe the company caters to an older, traditional clientele?  Or maybe the boss is simply uncomfortable with it.  But even my 90+ year-old parents wouldn't have a problem with a man with long hair in a professional setting as long as it looked neat.  I think most people are comfortable with that today.

I do have a big problem with the makeup.  Unless it's working for a makeup industry, that request makes me uncomfortable.

 

 

[gingersmom]

The only ones I notice and dislike are men who have lost most of their hair yet have a few scraggly pieces pulled back into a ponytail.

[Kassia]

I never even thought about it until you asked.  I grew up with lots of guys who had long hair and never thought about it.  Now I live in a conservative semi-rural area and I never see anyone with long hair so I would definitely notice because it would be so unusual.  I wouldn't care at all, though. 

Dd is 19 and has never worn make-up.  I'm not sure what she'd do if she was asked/told to wear it for work.  She has worked and interviewed without ever having a problem.  I rarely wear make-up but that's because I'm lazy - I think I look better with it at my age.  My sons' girlfriends wear it for events/work but otherwise don't.  

[annandatje]

How much do you notice if a male has long hair?

 

No more so than I would notice his hair and eye color, his height and any other physical attribute.

I have always liked long hair on males.

[Selkie]

I knew a female boss (a doctor who owned her own practice) who insisted that the other female doctors who worked for her wear makeup. She had such a hard time hiring and retaining other doctors that she ended up just working solo.

[Farrar]

I don't know about adult. I don't typically think much about it myself.

My having parented a boy who wanted his hair long... oy. I can tell you that a large number of people really notice it. And comment. And tell you what's what as a parent.

[EKS]

My younger son has long hair.  He realizes that he's probably going to want to cut it when he looks for a "real" job after college.

As for whether I notice long hair on a man--of course I do.  Doesn't everyone?  I also notice short hair and everything in between.  If the question is really asking whether I have a problem with it, the answer is no.

[Spryte]

I notice it as much as I notice anything about a person, which is to say sometimes I might remember it later and sometimes not.

Long hair alone isn’t particularly striking, and doesn’t give any concrete information about the individual—it’s not a statement about what kind of person they are, what kind of worker, if they are honest, what they believe, who they are.

And the make up on women requirement? I can’t even respond to that. 
 

 

[gardenmom5]

I didn't understand mullets in the 70s.  (it was an ugly decade . . . )  Though at one point I wanted a shag - I couldn't explain it to the person cutting my hair or my mom and ended up with a boy haircut.

as for anyone (even guys) with long hair. Is it clean?  is it under control? is it all over the place?  is it raggedy/full of split ends? (eta: if it's clean, brushed,  under control, and no raggedy ends - fine.  otherwise it just looks unkempt and you wonder what other hygiene practices they've skipped. I've seen some guys with impressive - and well cared for - manes.)

How old is the employer?  I assume it's one person running the place making all the demands.  and wondering why he can't get enough workers . . .

Edited October 23, 2021 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

13 hours ago, Jaybee said:

Long hair on guys doesn't bother me at all unless it is dirty and/or not taken care of. But that bothers me on girls as well. I've told my sons that I don't really care what style they want as long as they have a good haircut (don't let it get damaged) and keep it clean/brushed. I'd want them to pull it back if they were working with food or in a medical setting.  

Or around machinery.  It can get caught.  My daughter had super long hair a few different times - it would get in the way, and needed to be pulled back.

[SKL]

I re-read the OP and I can't tell if this boss is male or female.  I'm curious to know which, as well as what industry they're in.

[SKL]

2 hours ago, Farrar said:

I don't know about adult. I don't typically think much about it myself.

My having parented a boy who wanted his hair long... oy. I can tell you that a large number of people really notice it. And comment. And tell you what's what as a parent.

There's a boy at my TKD school who looks maybe 7yo and has long, curly hair.  I don't have an attitude about that, but I keep thinking he's a girl and using girl words for him.  The same used to happen to my kid brother when he was little.  "What a cute little girl!"  "He's a BOY!"  😛

[gardenmom5]

texture can make a difference.

coarse/wavy needs a GOOD cut, especially if it's longer.  My brother had shoulder length hair - but not a good cut and it was not attractive at all. (then he went into the air force and it was back to super short like the razor haircuts my grandfather gave him growing up.)

I recall an anchor on a local news station - her cut looked to be a simple blunt cut.  With her coarse wavy hair it was extremely unflattering, it was actually a distraction to what she was saying.  I honestly think the station manager got her the good haircut because viewers would always be looking at her.  The improved haircut was so much more flattering. - it was still long, just softened and way more attractive.

And Jonathan Antoine - I think his producers got him slathering his curls with conditioner to tame the flyaways/frizz. . (the better to show off his fabian curls.)  His hair is as much a part of his image as his voice. I think people would freak out if he cut it.

[Bootsie]

For those of you have wondered about the industry and employer--it is a major hotel (so not a small local business).  I have no idea if this is a corporate-wide policy, or if the decision is made at a local level.  The male had just received a text (and I am old-school but I don't get bosses texting their employees about company policy) that he read to me asking me my opinion.  It was from his manager and read "I don't care but its HOTEL NAME that has a problem with long hair.  To comply you will need to slick the front part of your hair back with gel in addition to...."  That was really strange in that the front part looks like what I would consider a short, conservative hair cut.  He works in a position that is customer service (but not food), like a front-desk position.  He asked me if I thought customers cared or noticed (honestly, the slicked back with hair gel look is often one of the worst looks to me--on many people it looks greasy and dirty.)

The female works at the same HOTEL, and has long hair and I jokingly asked if she had to slick it back at work.  She works at a receptionist in the spa area. 

I was a bit shocked because my son currently has a similar haircut--I say currently because since he was a young child one of his favorite thing is to go to the barber; people comment that everytime they see him he has a different hairstyle.  My daughter, on the other hand, finds even thinking about her hair for 10 seconds a wasted 10 seconds; she hadsgone as far as telling a friend that she would not be a bridesmaid if she had to wear makeup.

[Shelydon]

I am not a fan of long hair on men, but don't really  care one way or the other. 

[DeainUSA]

I may notice as I do anything else, but don't think anything of it.  I was shocked to learn recently that long hair on boys is not allowed in some public schools, in Texas (and I am sure elsewhere).  Kids at the top of their class getting in school suspension until they cut it.  Where I live and work, we just want the kids in school!

[Bootsie]

13 minutes ago, DeainUSA said:

I may notice as I do anything else, but don't think anything of it.  I was shocked to learn recently that long hair on boys is not allowed in some public schools, in Texas (and I am sure elsewhere).  Kids at the top of their class getting in school suspension until they cut it.  Where I live and work, we just want the kids in school!

At one time, I lived in the Alamo Heights School district in San Antonio where Christopher Cross ("Sailing") went to high school.  The district had its 100th year celebration and asked him to play at the big dance--when everyone was reminded that they had not actually graduated with Christopher Cross--because he refused to cut his hair and was a high school dropout.  

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Bootsie said:

For those of you have wondered about the industry and employer--it is a major hotel (so not a small local business).  I have no idea if this is a corporate-wide policy, or if the decision is made at a local level.  The male had just received a text (and I am old-school but I don't get bosses texting their employees about company policy) that he read to me asking me my opinion.  It was from his manager and read "I don't care but its HOTEL NAME that has a problem with long hair.  

Hotel chains fall into different categories.  Some are "executive/luxury", others are "budget" and everywhere in between.  (frequently owned by holding companies which own multiple "brands" across the categories) If he's working reception/customer interface at a hotel that is part of a large chain, then the manager is likely concerned with employees presenting a professional image. Especially if it's a chain aimed at a more upscale market.  those hotels are more likely to get more business customers on an expense account than vacationers.   

If it's a major hotel chain - they will have a handbook of what is considered appropriate  dress standard for each position.  He should consult that.

 

 

[hippymamato3]

I despise mullets, but long hair is fine on men and women. No issues here. But mullets...ick.

[mom2scouts]

I don't really like long hair on guys, but that's just a personal preference. I wouldn't worry about a male employee with long hair as long as it was well groomed. The boss shouldn't be telling employees to wear makeup.

[Selkie]

In my corner of the midwest, no one blinks an eye at males with long hair. Neither of my boys have ever gotten a single negative comment on theirs.

My dh had long hair when we started dating in the late 80s.

And this thread has made me remember that my older brother had long hair when he was in high school back in the 70s.

I've never heard of any schools around here making a stink about it.

[Wheres Toto]

I think there are more boys with long hair in my classes than girls, at least among the teens.   I don't really think anything of it. 

Ds has a long, shaggy, wavy mop of hair that when wet probably hits his waist (mid back when dry).  Younger dd has a pixie cut, so really short hair.  

I agree that both the people who work for this hotel should check the employee handbook or corporate website and see if it says anything about hair or makeup.   Sounds like a gender-based discrimination lawsuit waiting to happen.

[mumof6]

DD interviewed to be a housekeeper at a hotel and she was told she would have to cover up her tattoos. She turned down the job.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, DeainUSA said:

I may notice as I do anything else, but don't think anything of it.  I was shocked to learn recently that long hair on boys is not allowed in some public schools, in Texas (and I am sure elsewhere).  Kids at the top of their class getting in school suspension until they cut it.  Where I live and work, we just want the kids in school!

Oh, Texas…you’re something else these days! 

[Bootsie]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

Hotel chains fall into different categories.  Some are "executive/luxury", others are "budget" and everywhere in between.  (frequently owned by holding companies which own multiple "brands" across the categories) If he's working reception/customer interface at a hotel that is part of a large chain, then the manager is likely concerned with employees presenting a professional image. Especially if it's a chain aimed at a more upscale market.  those hotels are more likely to get more business customers on an expense account than vacationers.   

If it's a major hotel chain - they will have a handbook of what is considered appropriate  dress standard for each position.  He should consult that.

 

 

This would not be a budget hotel--it is a major, large, hotel in a a downtown area--across from a convention center.  The hotel would get a wide range of guests but most people from out of town are looking for the "wild west' atmosphere--not a buttoned down, executive kind of experience.  The convention center hosts things like gun shows and the rodeo association.  Professional football teams stay there when they are in town.  I would find it surprising that these guests would think that long hair on a male was out of today's norm---so I was wondering if I was out of touch with what people would see as normal.

Yes, I told him to check with the policy, but welcome to the world of work and he was going to have to choose which battles were worth fighting.  

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Bootsie said:

This would not be a budget hotel--it is a major, large, hotel in a a downtown area--across from a convention center.  The hotel would get a wide range of guests but most people from out of town are looking for the "wild west' atmosphere--not a buttoned down, executive kind of experience.  The convention center hosts things like gun shows and the rodeo association.  Professional football teams stay there when they are in town.  I would find it surprising that these guests would think that long hair on a male was out of today's norm---so I was wondering if I was out of touch with what people would see as normal.

Yes, I told him to check with the policy, but welcome to the world of work and he was going to have to choose which battles were worth fighting.  

A hotel in that location would be marketed more for those attending conventions.  I can't imagine they have rodeo's and gun shows every weekend, to the exclusion of all else.  Do they have wedding/receptions?

Hotels generally don't have control over how guests groom - they do over how their employees are dressed and will have grooming standards.  (e.g. an employee who doesn't tend to personal hygiene - shower - frequently enough to prevent BO, isn't going to be employed for long.  guests on the other hand . . . as long as they pay the bill . . . )

 

[BusyMom5]

I do notice, don't really care if its just a person out and about, but there are times I prefer to deal with someone in a professional setting- waiter in a nice restaurant,  lawyer, accountant or Dr offices.  If your job asks for professional dress, I think you need to oblige or look for a new job.

I notice unkempt hair- greasy,  stringy, looks like it needs washed- on both men and women.  If its a place I expect professional appearance,  it does reflect badly on management.  A woman's professional look includes makeup (imo),  it doesn't have to be fully done up, but if your industry asks for professional dress on a woman,  I include that to be makeup and hair fixed (short or long hair).  For a man, that means facial hair trimmed and neat (no bushy beards), hair fixed- be that gelled, combed to the side,  pulled back, to look neat and clean.  Hands should be clean, nails trimmed for both guys and ladies- do not have to be painted, but if they are it should look good, not chipped.   

I, myself, usually do not wear a lot of makeup.  If I do, it takes less than 10 minutes to put on- usually about 5.  If I had a job as the front face of a business, I would wear makeup,  dress appropriately,  and have my hair fixed and nails neat.