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Little angry vent- when homeschoolers judge


bethben
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Yes, I'm putting my 4th grader in school next year.  Yes, it was a hard decision.  Yes, I know why people homeschool and how wonderful it is.  Yes, I wish I could homeschool her without having stress levels that make me dizzy as I do so. No, I am not super-woman and apparently am not strong enough to do it through decent adversity.  

 

Yes, I understand that you have some adverse situations, run a business, and have a ton of kids, but until you walk in my shoes, don't tell me how homeschooling can be really easy and all you have to do is let your children read books and they'll be fine.  Nope.  I don't buy it.  I want to prepare my children with at close to grade level math as they can get and actually get them to be able to write a decent paper if needed.  I want to stop wondering if my daughter's math issues are because she fights me despite my efforts to make it palatable.  I want to know that if someone else teaches her that she'll actually try harder because ultimately, she wants to please.  I want to have emotional energy to get her through the pre-teen/teen years successfully and stop checking out of our relationship because homeschooling saps any relational energy I have with her for the entire day.  I have a special needs child that doesn't mean ADHD or mild autism.  I have an 18 year baby.  Try homeschooling a spirited child while you're cleaning up a smelly diaper from an adult male or doing the airplane method to try to get him to eat.  Do that times 5 years and we'll chat about how homeschooling is so great.  Also, get past 3rd grade into the junior high and high school years and let's talk about how just reading is good.  

 

I don't like arguing on Facebook.  It solves nothing.  Also, my husband does not have the mental energy to hear this either.  He's right now in the hospital with my youngest spirited child who just went through surgery #5 to correct cleft lip/palate issues.

 

Yes, I used to believe homeschooling should be for everyone.  I kept those opinions to myself as the years went on.  I will help those who want to homeschool.  I will keep my opinion to myself if you choose otherwise.

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This past year I had one at home, one in public school, and one in private school.  They were each in the place they needed to be.  Next year I will have 2 at home and one in public school.  If that isn't where they need to be we will change things until we find the right fit.  Do what works for your family!

Edited by Leav97
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You are a rock star of a mom, for doing what you do. Whenever you put something on Facebook you do subject yourself to judgement. You don't owe anyone any explanations at all. I think you are amazing. I think your kids are lucky to have you. I, also, used to believe anyone could home school and have changed my mind. I will say that the public schools my oldest attended formed my opinion very negatively. I do think many schools are not good enough. But I also think that a negative home situation can be worse than a bad school. You really need to do what you feel is best. It isn't written in blood that she never comes home anyway. If you don't like it you can keep her home next year. 

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No one knows your children/situation/abilities/strengths/weaknesses/stresses/constitution/family dynamic better than you do. Make a thoughtful considered decision about what's right for you and your family and do it. Make no apologies, defenses, or excuses to anyone.

 

I hope everyone thrives next school year!

Edited by Cindy in FL.
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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Please get off FB.  It can seriously muck a person up when they are in a challenging place.  Walk away.  If you need social interaction find it with those sympathetic to your situation.

 

And yes, you are a super woman for what you do.  

 

And FWIW, homeschooling ISNT for everyone and certainly not for all people at all points in their lives.  Some kids (and parents) do much better with a brick and mortar setting.  Others do better with homeschooling.  Still others need one at one point and the other at another point.  And some kids are just not easy to teach no matter what the setting.  Doesn't mean the parent failed if they pulled them out to homeschool, or put them back in after homeschooling, or homeschooled from the beginning then put them in b&m later on, or whatever the scenario.

 

All we can do as parents is try and do what is best for our family, as a whole and as individuals.  That path will be different for each family.  Hang in there.

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Ugh, I'm so sorry. Maybe homeschooling is great in an ideal world, but your world is not ideal. It is what it is, and you do what works. Period. 

 

That is my entire parenting philosophy. Do what works. Everyone else can go you know where with their opinions. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I am so sorry.

 

There are always those willing to engage in bad parent judging.  When a friend's newborn was hospitalized for failure to thrive after she tried breastfeeding for a few months, she announced that her daughter was gaining weight with the formula in the NICU and out of the woodwork came "concerned moms" who wanted her to keep trying to nurse.  It was the most appalling display of lack of compassion for an overwhelmed, worried mom that I have seen in a long time.

 

I'm of the opinion that I have full rights to tell others to stuff it or call them out on their behavior.  "You think we haven't considered all the options?  Really?"  I refuse to give their opinion validity on my life choices.

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My original reply was trying to deflect the "everyone can homeschool" comment from a question about what Christian schools were available in the area. I didn't want the original poster to feel like she was making a lousy high cost decision. So yes, I set myself up for it, but the intention was to deflect from "you should be homeschooling". Usually, I don't and haven't shared our public school decision I know with people I know IRL. I know what their response will be so I keep it to myself.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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The problem with too many hs'ers in this country is that they are so brainwashed and self involved that they truly don't believe that public education is a GOOD thing. But common sense should make it obvious that sending a child to school is GOOD. Paying taxes to support schools for everyone is DEMOCRATIC and AMERICAN and GOOD. The ability to pay almost nothing for qualified professionals to teach your child is a blessing. And every child in our country has a right to an education.

 

There are hs'ers who are so backward and ignorant that they truly do believe their children are better off at home, learning nothing and/or being miserable, with parents who are poverty stricken and/or overworked, rather than being enrolled in a SCHOOL. I am so far over this uncouth philosophy that I can't even stand to be in the same conversation with such people anymore.

 

Bethben, I hope your daughter has a wonderful year of learning, and that she will make friends and enjoy her school days. You are a great mom.

Edited by Tibbie Dunbar
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I try to remind myself that homeschoolers tend to be especially opinionated.  :)

 

That said, no one knows better than you what is best for your family. 

 

I truly do not understand why people are so interested in other's decisions. Don't they have enough going on themselves? 

 

"We've decided this is what is best for our family." Lather, rinse, repeat. If that doesn't work, you can add, "I'm really not interested in discussing it further, thanks."

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Edited by MercyA
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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I get a lot of judgment for having my SN child in public school but to put it a bit crudely, the haters can take their unsolicited opinions and shove 'em where the sun don't shine.

 

I did send my SN child to public school.  I never got judgement from that (actually only one person whose opinion was always judgmental regardless of the situation - didn't take her comments into any consideration) because my son was never going to corrupted by the public school mindset.  Having him in school was how I was able to homeschool for so long.  He graduated and came home in January.  The delicate balance I had going on was pretty much demolished.  

 

The child I am sending is pretty opinionated about what is right and wrong.  A little too much IMO and I'm not quite sure how she got to that point.  She won't even read Harriet the Spy because Harriet was writing negative things in her journal about people.  I'm not too worried she's going to be steered wrongly.  The school she is going to is two blocks from our house and I have heard very little negative things about it.  Most people I've talked to LOVE it.  I know it doesn't have to be forever.  If I don't like it and don't want to homeschool, there are a few university model schools around that work and hybrid public/private schools once junior high sets in.  

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I always figure someone has a reason for their educational configuration, and unless they're spouting off about how they'd never be able to homeschool/parent a large family/do the single income thing/have a special needs kid/etc because I clearly must possess some kind of super amazing parenting abilities that they just don't have (bull.), I say nothing or only complementary and positive things.

 

We each have our own circumstances to deal with, and home education is a difficult road and not ideal for every student, home situation, or season of life. No judgment here!

Edited by Arctic Mama
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I try to remind myself that homeschoolers tend to be especially opinionated.  :)

 

That said, no one knows better than you what is best for your family. 

 

I truly do not understand why people are so interested in other's decisions. Don't they have enough going on themselves? 

 

"We've decided this is what is best for our family." Lather, rinse, repeat. If that doesn't work, you can add, "I'm really not interested in discussing it further, thanks."

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I think the other poster was trying to be encouraging?  She can have 6 children, special needs (whatever that means), her own health problems, a small business, and a child with health problems (again - ongoing or on slow burn?).  So if she can homeschool, surely I can too if I can just escape the "public school at home" mindset and just let my children read books.  I am not that person.  I'm pretty type A and do not go with the flow well.  My job is to educate my children to be prepared for life beyond our home.  I want my children to be as prepared as they can be to accomplish what they want.  My 16 year old wants an associate's degree by the time he graduates high school.  Math and writing skills played into that.  Sure, he can read really well, but I had to do much more with homeschooling in order to prepare him for the path he wanted.  So, if I have a child who is not learning well with my instruction and would do better with another teacher, I need to pursue that for her.  She has done great with self teaching and loves to read books on a variety of subjects.  I let her do that for some subjects.  She still needs math and writing at a minimum.  She needs me to be her mom and I need to have enough emotional energy to give to her.  Right now, I don't.  

Edited by bethben
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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I was in tears over 3 of my closest family members judging my parenting yesterday.  No one knows until they walk in your shoes.  And people who think reading is enough clearly have very different goals for their kids than those of us who care about STEM or academic challenges.

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All 3 of mine go to public school now (one is at the local community college, the other two are in middle and high school locally) and we have had a tremendously positive experience so far.  

 

We contemplated private, and we homeschooled for over 10 years.  

 

It is all good if it works for your family.

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Bethben,

 

I'm totally on your side here.

 

I have a cousin with a profound disability, so I know somewhat what you have to do 24/7. And without even the break of having him in school, yeah, ouch. Tell the haters they're free to come take care of your 18yo so you have time to homeschool. It's not going to happen, so they can shut up.

 

And "just reading" is not enough. I totally agree with you there. That was my mom's philosophy when she started having a bunch of babies again, and I spent my middle school years mostly reading junk. It's stunting. I "turned out okay" on paper, but it was a real problem that still bedevils me at unexpected moments.

 

Maybe this other mom has the Unicorn Children who never whine or complain, learn from reading the textbook, and independently use their free time to challenge themselves and take up worthwhile hobbies. Good for her. 

 

But for you, putting the 4th grader in school sounds like the right choice right now. 

 

:grouphug:

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Bethben,

 

I'm totally on your side here.

 

I have a cousin with a profound disability, so I know somewhat what you have to do 24/7. And without even the break of having him in school, yeah, ouch. Tell the haters they're free to come take care of your 18yo so you have time to homeschool. It's not going to happen, so they can shut up.

 

 

 

Thanks...When I went away fro 3 days to look at houses in our new location, it took 6 people to replace me.  I didn't want any one person to be overwhelmed and I didn't want there person taking care of my son to hurt her back giving him showers.  And that was without the homeschooling gig.

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Thanks...When I went away fro 3 days to look at houses in our new location, it took 6 people to replace me.  I didn't want any one person to be overwhelmed and I didn't want there person taking care of my son to hurt her back giving him showers.  And that was without the homeschooling gig.

 

Wonder Woman x 6 and some change!

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Your perspective on letting the FB comment go so that another person's choice doesn't look like a poor one (if I read that correctly) says volumes about you as a person. Even when you are under duress, you don't want someone to feel like you do when your choices are questioned.

 

Good job. 

 

I hope your daughter's school situation ends up being just what all of you need!!!

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Thanks...When I went away fro 3 days to look at houses in our new location, it took 6 people to replace me. I didn't want any one person to be overwhelmed and I didn't want there person taking care of my son to hurt her back giving him showers. And that was without the homeschooling gig.

I understand. Our son required 24/7 nursing care (from me) for the 7 years he was with us, and although I homeschooled and foster/ adopted two other babies during those years, it was too much.

On the odd occasion we could get a hired nurse,yeah, she only had to care him for a few hours..the 2 times we tried Togo away for a few days, he wound up sick, from inadequate care.

 

Mine are all going to public school soon too.

 

Do what works for you. And leave the homeschool fb groups if need be.

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All of my children have been homeschooled at some point, and all of my children have been in public school at some point. Additionally, all of them have had years where there has been a combination of the two for certain subjects.

 

I'm so sorry that people are judging you for doing what you feel is best for your children. It sounds to me like you are an amazing mom who is very mindful of your children's individual needs, and making decisions what you know will be best for them.

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People seriously need to mind their own business. I get judged for deciding to homeschool and pulling my girls out of PS, like the decision is completely blasphemous. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I wish others would trust that as mothers/parents we are all trying to do what is best for OUR children. Everyone is so quick to judge these days, and with social media its easy for others to see your business and therefore feel they somehow have earned the right to do so. I rarely post anything other than pictures of Facebook because I don't want drama.

 

Hugs to you and best wishes for a great upcoming school year!

Edited by tdbates78
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I think you're doing an awesome job for all values of "awesome". It takes bravery and love to step back from your own ideal vision and re-assess what works best for everyone under your care, and you've done that. Congrats, because you're way ahead of a lot of people I know who are clinging to things that don't work for their families due to philosophical ideas that don't work on the ground. 

 

I hope you and your family have a great school year ahead.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I never said that I was sending my dd to public school. I simply said when the homeschool mom is thinking she needs medication in order to continue homeschooling, something needs to change. That's when I got the "don't do school at home-just read books" thing. I've been slogging through tough for two years. I need a break. Nope not going to reply. Just vent here.

 

 

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In fact, my dh's closest friend doesn't know we're sending dd to school. He would be reprimanded greatly. I've only told one friend in my previous home town. She understands my life. No one else will know and there will be no first day of school pictures in Facebook. Sad really

 

 

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It's shocking that people would judge you for that.

 

On the other hand, I guess nothing really surprises me.

 

You know what's best for your family.  You don't owe anyone an explanation either!

 

Try and think nothing more of it. 

 

:grouphug:

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I never said that I was sending my dd to public school. I simply said when the homeschool mom is thinking she needs medication in order to continue homeschooling, something needs to change. That's when I got the "don't do school at home-just read books" thing. I've been slogging through tough for two years. I need a break. Nope not going to reply. Just vent here.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

I find that the vast majority of people who give this advice ("You don't need a curriculum or any structure, just read books!") don't have any children old enough to even be in public school yet.

 

Yes, do please tell me more about how you have such a tremendously easy time homeschooling your three-year-old. :001_rolleyes:

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

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People used to say that because I taught special needs children, I was the most patient person in the world...wrong!   

 

I found out that educating your own children takes the most patience...that was even harder than being a special education teacher!  

 

You have more on your plate than most who homeschool, so do what you need to do for you.   

 

I don't get it either...the ones who can homeschool and work or have their own home business full time on top of that, with all of the kids getting excellent grades.  How does that work?!

 

I found there were 3 main things to accomplish daily: schooling, decent meals and chores...and I could never get all 3 accomplished in 1 day with only 2 kids.  If I got 2 of them done, that was a good day.    Hugs and support to you...

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