Do you feel like Christmas magic is all up to you?

[Janie Grace]

I wish I could STOP feeling this way. It makes me so vulnerable to feeling like a failure if things aren't perfect (and of course they never are). I feel AWFUL for not doing more wrapping ahead of time and being up so late... for overlooking gift equality and giving one kid pretty significantly less... for being too tired to do the big dinner I had planned and doing a more casual dinner instead... for Christmas being less exciting for my older kids than for the little kids... for Christmas not being as Christ-centered and spiritually meaningful as I would like...

 

I really don't think any of these things are the end of the world. But it is SO HARD for me to get out from under disappointment and guilt over this. I cried in the shower this morning because of the gift inequality thing, so worried that ds would think we don't love him as much. I know, it's ridiculous (and he does not think that)! But sheesh... creating flawless Christmas magic is just way above my pay grade. 

[Rosie_0801]

Heck no. I can't do it and know I can't. I had to import my mother to ooh and aaah as dd opened the gifts I'd bought her because I'm useless at oohing and aahing. :lol:

 

I think any Christmas magic is above my pay grade, really. We don't have a grand feast because there aren't enough people to eat it, but dd helps make our traditional fare. 

 

Is the wrapping important at your house?

[maize]

Ah honey, so sorry you are feeling this way and of course you shouldn't be trying to carry the burden of making the holiday perfect. I realize though that knowing this is true doesn't necessarily change the way you feel.

 

I guess this kind of pressure is why so many women find the holidays more stressful than enjoyable. I don't experience it things that way, but I tend to be laid back about most things so I don't really have any advice to offer. Just hugs.

[T'smom]

Yes. It is up to me, no one else is going to do it. And yes, I do feel like a miserable failure. Although, the kids don't really notice, they were thrilled with their gifts and that's all they really cared about. Usually, we do some Christmassy school things in December and I also have them make a present for the grandparents, but none of that happened this year. Usually we do advent themed devotions and sing carols.....also didn't happen. And I don't really have a good reason for it not happening, nothing major has happened recently. It's just that regular life is all I can handle.

[MaeFlowers]

I actually kind of understand. I was looking around the house this year and thinking that I don't know how to add that "something". I think magic is probably about the right word. My mom was soooo good at making Christmas awesome and I have wonderful memories covered with glitter and fairy dust.

 

Then I realized something. I didn't cook or wrap presents or clean the house or put up the tree. My mom was probably as tired as I am today, if not more. I was just a kid and it was all fun for me! So, I decided to believe my kids are seeing the magic whether I'm feeling it or not. I bet your kids are, too.

[IsabelC]

OK a bit late for this year, but I liked this article about making the holiday period less stressful

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/traditions/busy-families-holidays

[gardenmom5]

I do all the decorating and gifts et. al.  dh does most of the meal.  (he likes to cook.) 

 

I had a couple more items to wrap last night - and I knew dudeling wasn't going to care if that cushion he asked for was under the tree or not - he ONLY cared about the xbox. and he was happy.  I knew once that was opened, he wouldn't pay any attention to anything else.  so, I didn't bother to wrap the cushion.  I was too tired.  I also didn't bother to warp gifts that went into their stockings.  both firsts for me this year.

 

I'm getting to the point of - I do my best to purchase gifts that will be used and appreciated, and if they aren't - c'est la vie.  (especially for one child who is resistant to learning how to be grateful.)

 

I'm done spending money on "stuff" just so they can have the same amount of gifts, or money spent.  I knew what the big gift they wanted - and I tried filling in with fun/useful (relatively inexpensive) odds and ends. 

 

-eta: and even the big kids were happy, and had a good time.  even if I was dog tired.  dudeling even made me something to eat this evening . . . . he's come so far. I marvel.

Edited December 26, 2015 by gardenmom5

[HomeAgain]

I used to, and would get stressed because it didn't feel the same as it did when I was a kid.  It was like I kept failing at providing what I had.

 

No more.  I do what I can, I share what I can, and I encourage the rest of the house to do the same. Christmas is now happier and more relaxed for us all.  We all do the parts we enjoy (dh cooks, I do candy, teen bakes) and not so much what we don't.  There is no pressure, and that is the best gift we all have given ourselves.

[regentrude]

YES!

I tried so hard to recreate the magic of my childhood Christmasses as an adult, but being the mom and in charge is different, and it is never enough - for me. My kids were fine.

I Christmassed the heck out of the season - advent calendars, several kinds of home baked cookies, cookie baking and decorating with the kids, driving around to see the decorations, Christmas movies, Christmas plays, Advent celebrations, crafts with the kids, making Christmas cards, singing carols with the kids, decorating tree.... all things I enjoyed, but I was christmassed out on the 24th, and it never made me feel that I succeeded with my goal.

Over the past years I have come to realize that 1. I am the adult now and it will never feel as magical as when I was a child, 2. I miss the big family celebrations with my extended family because everybody is overseas and I will never succeed in recreating that atmosphere.

So I gave myself permission to stop trying and instead focus on creating our own Christmas.

I asked the kids which traditions were important to them and dropped the rest. I decorate minimally. I bake fewer kinds of cookies and send cards only to select friends and family. I still sing in choir and have several performances. We enjoy spending time together, enjoy celebrating special wonderful meals, enjoy having time off work and school. It is so much more pleasant and relaxed now that I have let go of all the "shoulds" and expectations. I am taking some spiritual time to myself over the holidays for introspection and to reenergize and set goals for the new year.

I give myself permission to adapt rituals as fits our needs. Instead of the big festive midday dinner on Christmas day we went hiking the second year in a row and had our festive meal in the evening when it fit our schedule - not the other way around. I cannot tell you how liberating that felt last year.

 

I now feel that I have created a Christmas that fits our family as it is now and here. It is different from my childhood Christmas - but we are different people in different circumstances.

 

Edited December 26, 2015 by regentrude

[AmandaVT]

When I met DH, he hated Christmas. So much. He would have preferred to make a couch fort and hide in it until 12/26 every year. His mom tried to make every Christmas a Martha Steward/LL Bean combo of perfectionism and anything less would end up with her upset and making everyone feel badly that they couldn't live up to her "perfect" expectations. I grew up with Christmas being fairly laid back - all the cousins and aunts and uncles would congregate at my Grandmas for a few hours in the late morning/early afternoon and then we'd go home and frequently get Chinese take out and play with our gifts. It was great. I've spent the past 15 years trying to get DH to not hate Christmas anymore. So in a way I feel like I'm responsible for the Christmas magic, but that magic is very different from year to year! I've tried to introduce the concept of a relaxing Christmas to him. Some years we entertain, but this year was quiet and I think (hope) we all enjoyed it. My goal for DS is to remember Christmas as a time with family and that's special because he loved it, not because I forced unrealistic expectations on him.

[DawnM]

YES!

 

And I admit, every year, I am a little resentful.  Just a little.  

 

If I didn't buy it and wrap it, it wouldn't get done.  

 

 

[marbel]

I used to, but then I stopped.  I realized a lot of my expectations came from the way things were done when I was a kid.   But my husband isn't my dad, and I'm not my mom.  Over time I've just let a lot of things go and it's been so much better. 

 

It's harder when the kids are young.  Now, I have older teens and my daughter takes care of some of the Christmas magic.  She takes more charge of the decorating.  She is assertive with her dad about taking her and her brother shopping for me.  Next year both kids should have licenses so it'll be even easier.  She guides her brother (clueless about stuff like this) in choosing gifts.

 

I still buy a couple of things for my stocking because stocking gifts are hard to come up with but the kids don't want to give them up.  This Christmas I bought Dr Who Mad Libs and put it in my stocking.  We had a good time with it yesterday. 

 

We also don't have to have everything as a surprise.  My daughter and I were in Ulta looking at lip gloss.  We each bought one for the other after getting color approval.  It was still fun to find it in my stocking even though I knew it was coming.

 

I think having a mom who is not pissy on Christmas because it's not perfect is one of the best gifts kids can get.  

Edited December 26, 2015 by marbel

[laughing lioness]

I used to when I was younger. Now, I realize that people are really happy with TIME, simple food, thoughtful gifts, good music, time to be together and laugh. We don't blow through the present opening routine. We stop, get more coffee, read each others books, include experiences (one of dh's gifts yesterday was to watch "The Martian" as a family- good times!).

 

Dh made a chart for me this year to keep track of gifts (I'm notorious for losing them and pulling them out after everything is done or finding them in July) and it made a huge difference, esp. as we add son-in-laws and babies to be. I kept track of everything I had bought for everyone and focused on spending about the same on everyone instead of giving the same # of gifts. One ds got less, but he also got a high end watch, which he specifically asked for. 

My 12 yo organizational  maven hounded everyone all fall until they submitted an Xmas list and it was great. My dh LOVED having a list and bought me exactly what I wanted and even went in to a women's clothing store by himself (!). He got the specific book titles that he wanted (in a specific field that needed special ordered). 

 

Having more money and older kids helps. My kids love giving gifts and they don't always have $ to give, but, for instance, ds 21 found a like-new leather jacket for dh at a re-sale store. No one cared that he didn't get everyone a present (he's in college)and loved the story of how ds found the coat and that dh has a new coat he'll wear. 

Edited December 26, 2015 by laughing lioness

[Annie G]

I do feel that way but it's just pressure I've put on myself. I scale back when I don't feel like doing it all and nobody complains.  I'm getting better about letting myself feel that it's all on me but it took until the kids were grown to learn this.  I'm slow. 

[Carrie12345]

No.
I think more may fall on me than on dh, but that's by choice.  I aim for the moon and land in the stars.  He's always already in the stars.

 

I do get a little uptight about gift equality, but having a wide age range with growing variations in interests has helped.  I did realize at the last minute that the awesome deal I found on boots (3 pairs for each daughter) would make things look WAY out of proportion.  So I left them unwrapped and took the girls into my room at the end of the day, and told them I had picked them up before we had finalized our gift lists.  My boys won't notice their sisters' new footwear, but they would have noticed a giant tower of huge boxes stacked next to theirs!  

[ScoutTN]

Yes and no.

I do most of the Advent/Christmas planning and events for our family and Dh would not do most of these if I didn't. Dh reads the Grinch, leads our morning devotions, puts up the tree and always manages to find the big hit present. I organize our calendar, decorate the tree and the house, read the poems and storybooks, buy most of the gifts and do all the baking and cooking.

 

But we try to keep Christmas fairly laid back and fun, enjoying these years while our kids are younger.

My mom would have had everyone in nice clothes and a fancy dinner with china and silver but that is not fun for us so we don't do it that way.

 

For my kids, part of the magic is going to special concerts, worship services and parties. All I have to do is get them there. :)

Christmas eve worship concludes with singing Silent Night by candlelight. My kids love to hold a candle and look around the beautiful church filled with our church family. Very magical!

 

For me, some of the magic went out of Christmas when my dad died 17 years ago. I have slowly come to terms with that and recognized that Christmas now is just different, but also that my Dad's joy in Christmas is something I can share with my own family.

[wintermom]

Shhhh. I wrapped 2 gifts this year. Dd offered and LOVED  wrapping all the rest. It was the best move ever!!!  The dc also put up the outdoor Christmas lights. They had to be creative as they couldn't attach them to the eaves. It was awesome. They also take ownership over turning them on and off in the evenings.  The dc decorated the tree, and are helping to make (and eat!) the Christmas baking.

 

I'm actually enjoying Christmas more and more as the dc become more involved in the nuts and bolts operation of all the Christmas duties. It's far too much for one person to do alone.

[Carol in Cal.]

Yes, but I like it.

 

Plus I am kind of low key.

 

So for me, having a tree and stockings and some other decor and an Advent wreath and/or calendar and a nice dinner is plenty festive.  Well, and church of course.

 

What I find kind of irritating is that DH does nothing to obtain presents for people, and we have a list that includes a bunch of relatives.  It's a lot of mental space work to keep all that straight, and I hate to shop so it's not like I can just pick things up little by little on other shopping trips, since I hardly ever shop at all.  One nice thing this year was that we went on a little vacation during December, and so I could do some shopping up there and get unique presents.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Carol in Cal.

[scholastica]

Just watch Christmas Vacation. It's a reminder that, no matter how hard you try, you can't make it all perfect. My dh and I watch it every year Christmas night. If you are relaxed and having fun with your kids, they will remember Christmas as fun. People are messy, things go wrong. If the overall vibe in your home is loving, the kids will have happy magical memories. One of my kids told me the other day that he had nothing but happy memories of Christmas. We have had some very crazy, stressful Christmases. It totally went past them and all they remember is the excitement and happy. My kids are getting older, so it is easier. Some things I do to reduce the stress:

 

1) Have a spreadsheet to keep track of gifts for each child. It helps with budgeting and knowing what's been purchased.

 

2) Shop all year. I told my kids in September to get their Christmas lists to me. This doesn't work with younger kids as well, by they are usually easier to buy for and more easily pleased.

 

3) Keep a running list of gift ideas for each person

 

4) Only do the things that make it Christmas for your family. A few very specific traditions done well and without stress is better than trying to do everything you see on Pinterest. I've actually asked my kids what is most important to them. I got interesting answers. Now we do only those things.

 

5) Do everything early that you can. When we do Christmas cards with a Christmas picture, it's done at the end of October. That means I have to make sure in early October that I have coordinated outfits, etc. but then it's done and I just have to send it out.

 

6) Along the lines of #5), plan to have everything done a few days ahead of time. Dec 21 or 22 is the deadline, not Christmas Eve. Then you have a buffer for all the inevitable last minute things that come up.

 

Yes, as parents, the magic is up to us. And it is exhausting and stressful. Do what you can for yourself to lower that stress level and it will be even more magical.

[Janie Grace]

Just watch Christmas Vacation. It's a reminder that, no matter how hard you try, you can't make it all perfect. My dh and I watch it every year Christmas night. If you are relaxed and having fun with your kids, they will remember Christmas as fun. People are messy, things go wrong. If the overall vibe in your home is loving, the kids will have happy magical memories. One of my kids told me the other day that he had nothing but happy memories of Christmas. We have had some very crazy, stressful Christmases. It totally went past them and all they remember is the excitement and happy. My kids are getting older, so it is easier. Some things I do to reduce the stress:

 

1) Have a spreadsheet to keep track of gifts for each child. It helps with budgeting and knowing what's been purchased.

 

2) Shop all year. I told my kids in September to get their Christmas lists to me. This doesn't work with younger kids as well, by they are usually easier to buy for and more easily pleased.

 

3) Keep a running list of gift ideas for each person

 

4) Only do the things that make it Christmas for your family. A few very specific traditions done well and without stress is better than trying to do everything you see on Pinterest. I've actually asked my kids what is most important to them. I got interesting answers. Now we do only those things.

 

5) Do everything early that you can. When we do Christmas cards with a Christmas picture, it's done at the end of October. That means I have to make sure in early October that I have coordinated outfits, etc. but then it's done and I just have to send it out.

 

6) Along the lines of #5), plan to have everything done a few days ahead of time. Dec 21 or 22 is the deadline, not Christmas Eve. Then you have a buffer for all the inevitable last minute things that come up.

 

Yes, as parents, the magic is up to us. And it is exhausting and stressful. Do what you can for yourself to lower that stress level and it will be even more magical.

 

I LOVE these ideas. One question though (for you or whoever else does #2)... how do you shop all year and get things people want? I feel like my kids' interests change and evolve so much. I love the IDEA of shopping far ahead of time but it's hard to imagine the things that seem perfect in July will still be on target. Or maybe I just have really fickle kids!

[Liz CA]

When I met DH, he hated Christmas. So much. He would have preferred to make a couch fort and hide in it until 12/26 every year. His mom tried to make every Christmas a Martha Steward/LL Bean combo of perfectionism and anything less would end up with her upset and making everyone feel badly that they couldn't live up to her "perfect" expectations. I grew up with Christmas being fairly laid back - all the cousins and aunts and uncles would congregate at my Grandmas for a few hours in the late morning/early afternoon and then we'd go home and frequently get Chinese take out and play with our gifts. It was great. I've spent the past 15 years trying to get DH to not hate Christmas anymore. So in a way I feel like I'm responsible for the Christmas magic, but that magic is very different from year to year! I've tried to introduce the concept of a relaxing Christmas to him. Some years we entertain, but this year was quiet and I think (hope) we all enjoyed it. My goal for DS is to remember Christmas as a time with family and that's special because he loved it, not because I forced unrealistic expectations on him.

 

I had a little of that growing up. My mother ran around the house on the 24th like a whirling dervish trying to clean every nook and cranny and decorate things just so. I do a more laid back Christmas and I am happier and so is everyone else.

Time together, health and laughter and for those who believe, the birth of Jesus, is the real gift.

 

[Evergreen State Sue]

I really enjoyed our Christmas this year, even though I didn't make it perfect.  Sometimes I buy the same or similar gifts for the kids and us, so I make sure we all open that gift at the same time.  Just before they open their similar gifts I realized I forgot to wrap the "matching" gifts for us!  I had to ask to put Christmas on hold, run into the bedroom where my secret stash was, and put the unwrapped gifts all in a big bag. So after the kids opened their wallets, I reached in the bag and "ta-da" handed dh his wallet!  Everybody got a laugh out of it and my mistakes made it fun. 

[Kathryn]

Yes it's up to me. I decorate. I choose. I buy. I wrap. I place. I bake. I cook. I clean. I attempt to keep the peace between DH and DS.

 

DH has two jobs: buy the tree (which was supposed to be done the day after Thanksgiving, but happened less than two weeks ago after much nagging), and with the children wrap the gifts I bought for myself three weeks ago (he had to get them out of bed Christmas Eve to do it because after I nagged him about it once again, he said they'd do it after they opened presents Christmas Day, and I said that was unacceptable).

 

I would love perfection, but all I'm aiming for are happy memories so my kids don't grow up hating the day.

[Lisbeth]

Yep. All up to me!

[BooksandBoys]

Yep, all me. I'll refrain from telling the story that just happened half an hour ago so that I don't end up in DH-bashing territory, but seriously.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I feel this way and I hate the pressure. I know it's stupid but I feel what I feel. The fact I dislike decorating and shopping doesn't help. It came off really well and all are happy and I just feel exhausted and worried next year won't measure up. To top it off getting gifts makes me feel awkward. Bring on Indelendence Day ;)

[J-rap]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.   :grouphug:  I've learned to change things around anytime I start to feel too much stress!  I think it can still be very special!  Is a big meal too stressful?  Do a simple meal in the slow cooker.  (A pot roast and veggies in the slow cooker is super simple.)  Gift wrapping too time consuming?  Buy a bunch of gift bags instead.  (Look for cheap ones throughout the year.)  House cleaning before Christmas overwhelming?  Can you put aside $10/month all year and hire a maid service to come in the afternoon before you decorate?  (I've seen specials on Groupon for $60.)  I order gifts online whenever I can  (Amazon Prime is great!)  I also get many of the same gifts (everyone a gift card to iTunes, for example).  I do give generally in the same range for all my kids, but I also don't give a lot (maybe 3-4 gifts each, one of them being a main one and the others smaller), so it's not too difficult to keep track of costs.  I keep a running list.  Can you get the kids to help decorate?  We have one night of decorating the house and then it is what it is.  We make hot chocolate and listen to Christmas music as we decorate.  

 

I think traditions are great but leaving them out if necessary can be good too.  And actually, I've never really thought about it in terms of "How can I make this magical and perfect for the kids?" but more like "what kind of fun, special things do we want to do this year for Christmas?" That tends to change from year to year.

[KungFuPanda]

I have scaled so far back and NOBODY CARES. It's great. Presents get wrapping, but not ribbons or bows. Dinner was nice and delicious, but it was meat, bread, and only 3 sides. Only one side required a recipe and effort. Our Christmas Eve fondue was premade heat-and-eat fondue packages. For cookies, I asked about everyone's favorites and made those three kinds. I'll make others when these are gone. The tree is prelit. I didn't even bother with the ornaments and nobody minded. I put up stockings and an advent wreath. Shopping was 95% amazon. I even bought one of those laser projectors so my house can be 'decorated' without me hanging lights.

 

I'm the only one who noticed or cared about the dozens of other details that I let go. DH and the kids are natural minimalists. They don't demand much and are content with a simple-but-nice holiday. I grew up in a family where the house looked like Christmas exploded for a month. I tried to recreate that for years, but it finally dawned on me that both my parents and all four kids were willing participants in all that hoopla. It's not that hard with 6 enthusiastic participants who have nothing else to do. That's not really the personality of my current family and all of those extras are too much for one person to do.

 

I have really enjoyed relaxing and focusing on fewer 'things' the last few days.

[Peaceful Isle]

Yup, It is all up to me. If I didn't do it, who knows what would get done. Dh is really busy, and I don't have family around. 

I do the painting ornaments with the kids, listening to Christmas music, making gingerbread houses with everyone, and getting the Christmas lists from the kids. Wrapping their presents in the wrapping paper that matches their personality, making the ham dinner, keeping the house clean through it all ...shew. It is exhausting, and I am really tired today, lol 

Edited December 26, 2015 by peaceful isle

[8circles]

Nope.  I think some people would like it to be, but DH doesn't expect it so I've been able to let go of my twisted expectations of myself.  I think at the end of the day, my kids will remember the love that we felt at home on xmas, not any pinterest-inspired activities that I might be able to pull-off.  (Not that anyone else is talking about pinterest, that used to be my own twisted expectations)

 

This time of year is always really busy for many reasons, but I focus on making it relaxing and spending time together, no matter what else is going on.

[EmseB]

I think I feel relieved reading this thread. No, I don't feel pressure, per se. Taking a couple weeks off school makes my kids pretty happy, add in presents and baking a few cookies and they are happy campers. "Magic" is too much pressure, I just go for having fun and enjoying each other with a holiday theme. It is work on my part, but if we don't get to something...we've probably done other things that were fun in the meantime. I hope they remember Christmas fondly when they get older.

[frogger]

I agree with some of the other posters in that:

 

A) Children don't always care about everything you care about. Pick what is most important to your family and skip some of the stuff you did as a child. Even if something sounds fun remember it will cost time, energy, and money. Don't try to do it all. I ask each child what is most important to them for the holidays and we skip the rest. That way they know that I value their opinions or really their wants but that I also value their siblings and my sanity. :)

 

B) To the one who said not having a pissy parent for the holidays was especially important well, I couldn't agree more! If you try to make things perfect you probably are going to be overbearing and completely stressed out. Most children would rather have less cookies, presents, decorations, or activities if only their parent had time to treat them kindly and wasn't so stressed out. 

 

C) Traditions make things easier. It may sound lame to some to have the same food every year and the same decorations, etc. but things run smoother if you already know how to do everything. I never try to make things bigger and better than last year.

 

D) If I feel like I failed then I say sorry to whomever. My son ended up knowing his gift ahead of time because his Tae Kwon Doe teacher gave it to him before Christmas. We had ordered gear for him through his teacher and I thought we had explained that we would pick it up when it came in and to just call us as it was a gift but somewhere a miscommunication happened I guess.  I said I was sorry and that was his main gift. He didn't mind and had only a few small things to open on Christmas morning. Disappointing to me because I like surprises but couldn't afford another big surprise on top of it. I think he took it in stride. Most children just want to know you love them. 

Edited December 26, 2015 by frogger

[Tsuga]

No.

 

1. If you can't get excited about a tree, cookies, presents, mall Santa and houses with lights, I don't care what holiday it is, you can get the hell over yourself. So maybe our kids don't have a special magical Christmas because no nativity. Deal with it, little lambs.

 

2. Grandma does the advent calendar. German school does a craft. Piano and violin teachers do fall concerts. He does the lights and cookies and tree and presents with me. We get holiday invitations from many family members. So it is not all me.

 

3. We do stuff all year anyway, so ice skating at the park instead of bowling, or Santa instead of the farmer's market, or hot cocoa with friends instead of frozen yoghurt is not hard.

 

4. Adults don't get presents in his family and in mine gifts have a price limit. Kids get a big thing from Santa and a piece of clothing from parents. So we can usually save up to buy what people want and if we can't afford it I am okay with that. We buy a cheaper version. Christmas isn't about gimmes, it's about giving and gratitude.

 

So, no, I don't feel that way. But our home is a lot more relaxed about the trappings of life than many people's homes. It helps that we were raised by single parents and so we feel what we have now is a step up.

[Chris in VA]

yeah, most of it is up to me.

 

 

Funny story--Ds was shopping on Christmas Eve, totally last minute. He came in and started wrapping. A, I was happy because he cared enough to shop, and B, he didn't ask ME to wrap his stuff like his brother did! (But it was ok with his brother, because we actually enjoyed the time and it was way ahead of "crunch time.")

 

So Ds was wrapping, and wrapping, and honestly, he's a pretty crappy wrapper--it was kinda hilarious, the amount of paper and tape he used! He came to the cat's gift (yep, he bought something for the cat!) and he was pulling out a tremendous piece of paper, and I said, well, why don't you roll it (it was a cushion-type thing) and then tie the ends like a tube with ribbons tying the ends...He said ok, then laughed. He said, "Well, it's just a cat, you know. She's not going to care!" And we cracked up--we had gotten totally caught up in the wrapping and it just was so funny to realize what we were doing. He put the present under the tree unwrapped, and that was JUST FINE.

 

Sometimes I get caught up in what "should" be, and lose all sense of what I want vs what is necessary.

 

 

[kathy_overman]

Yes!

 

I just let my husband in on a secret -  I am Santa!  It does not happen magically.  There is no magic to it.  I run around crazy for a month, and I am so glad when it is over.  I have said before, I want to find the courage to do it all differently!

[frogger]

You know though my last post was more about how I as a parent deal with all the physical activity it didn't deal with the magic so to speak. Yes, I can show love and be giving and try to make things beautiful but in the end the child must decide what Christmas will mean to them. They must decide if they will take joy in the present or criticize. If they will focus on things or people. So though I want to give them a merry and peaceful Christmas a lot of it is really up to them. We are a team. I don't even try to play all positions. If the other players want to lounge all over the field then I will simply do my small part and leave it at that. Sorry, maybe a bad sports analogy but really I remind them that they have responsibility for their attitude and perspective and they can't give that responsibility to anyone else.

[Farrar]

No.

 

This year was tough since we just lost my dad. The kids were definitely the ones who made Christmas have some magic. They brought it for me.

[Murphy101]

I honestly don't even comprehend what Christmas magic is supposed to mean. I don't get it and think all the crazy hype about how it has to be magical completely ruins the holiday for me and I suspect many others, such as yourself. Which seems very much not what Christmas is supposed to be about to my mind.

 

I think our Christmasses are quite nice and relaxing and mostly enjoyed.

[Julie Smith]

If it wasn't for the fact we just go to my parents, then yes Christmas would be all up to me.

 

But I just concern myself with presents, then we just go to my parents house.

 

They do the cooking, decorating, ....

[frogger]

Farrar, I wasn't liking that your Dad died. I'm sorry that you have that pain but glad your Children gave you some Christmas magic.

[Critterfixer]

 

I really don't think any of these things are the end of the world. But it is SO HARD for me to get out from under disappointment and guilt over this. I cried in the shower this morning because of the gift inequality thing, so worried that ds would think we don't love him as much. I know, it's ridiculous (and he does not think that)! But sheesh... creating flawless Christmas magic is just way above my pay grade. 

 

When I get my wand I might sign up for the Christmas magic short course. Until then, anybody who wants to get worked up about the tree, the gifts, the meal or anything else Christmas related must do it without me. 

Don't feel guilty for not being able to do magic. I find the daily work of keeping school going, feeding everybody, taking care of the animals, the kids, DH and the place is plenty of work and I'm not about to kill myself trying to come up with the perfect day. I got enough to do. 

 

And since you talked about Christmas being Christ-centered, remember that the first one was held in a stable, and conditions were far, far from perfect, right? 

[Mom2OandE]

Yes. That's why I haven't left my bed all day today.

[Catwoman]

Yes, it's mainly up to me, but I love every minute of it. :hurray:

 

Am I the only one who is a fanatic about Christmas?

[Catwoman]

No.

 

This year was tough since we just lost my dad. The kids were definitely the ones who made Christmas have some magic. They brought it for me.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Guest]

I honestly don't even comprehend what Christmas magic is supposed to mean. I don't get it and think all the crazy hype about how it has to be magical completely ruins the holiday for me and I suspect many others, such as yourself. Which seems very much not what Christmas is supposed to be about to my mind.

 

I think our Christmasses are quite nice and relaxing and mostly enjoyed.

I was kind of thinking this, too. Our family Christmas was quite lovely. I do the things I want to do and I do what I am able to do. Anything else just gets a shrug.

 

This year, my SiL who hosted the big dinner did not have the traditional menu. She (probably with some trepidation) suggested we do Italian food so it would be simpler. I was *so glad* we did it that way! All I had to bring was a large garden salad and dressing! Christmas Day was so very calm. I am usually making pies and/or peeling a billion potatoes. There was none of that. dD, DS11 and I colored in coloring books for a couple hours. :)

[scholastica]

I LOVE these ideas. One question though (for you or whoever else does #2)... how do you shop all year and get things people want? I feel like my kids' interests change and evolve so much. I love the IDEA of shopping far ahead of time but it's hard to imagine the things that seem perfect in July will still be on target. Or maybe I just have really fickle kids!

I mostly shop for the rest of my list throughout the year. We give my dh's siblings a small gift. They are the same for all the siblings. If I see something for them I grab it. I'm always on the lookout for gifts for my parents, my in laws, etc. That way, when it's closer to Christmas I'm done with them. Then I can focus on my kids' lists. Running lists and a spreadsheet are my friend.

For the kids, if they have regular hobbies/interests I will pick up something in that vein when I come across it. For example, I have one dd who loves puzzles, so I usually order one from Rainbow when I order school stuff. I do wait until closer to Christmas for the majority of their gifts. (November). We only do four gifts. One from Santa, three from us. The three from us are from these categories-books, hobby/art and a fun item. That narrows down what I have to look for. (Jesus got three gifts, why should they require more? This is a running joke in our house. They get gifts from extended family and this keeps the stuff coming in to a reasonable level.) Santa brings them the most expensive/biggest item on their lists. We wait until we know for sure what that is.

 

HTH!

[Amber in SJ]

Usually Dh & I split the magic; specifically I tell him what to do & he does it, but this year our eldest dd decided to bring home her boyfriend for the holidays (Two weeks.)  She made a huge deal about wanting every holiday tradition we have ever attempted.  We live in a tiny house (1100 sq ft) so reintroducing our two adult children & adding an additional adult has been insane.

 

 I lost any elf support from Dh when he promised our youngest dd that he would have her room completely renovated (ceiling, walls, floor) before her sisters arrived home so we spent a good portion of Nov & the 1st week of Dec with her moved out of her room & all her furniture in the hall & living room.  1/2 way through that renovation we discovered a water problem in the front bathroom that required it being ripped out in its entirety, re-drywalled, textured, painted, floor replaced, all electrical replaced, toilet & vanity replaced & all other cabinets refinished.  For the month of December Dh would get home from work around 7pm and then work on the house until after midnight.  Our college students arrived on Dec 21st and we didn't have a working 2nd bathroom until the wee small hours of the 20th.  I ended up making treats for the neighbors & cookies for gifts in the dark with a camping lantern because the electrical was off to much of the house.

 

We are hemorrhaging money.  We have 2nd semester tuition, 2nd semester health insurance, 2nd semester housing to pay, our middle daughter who has Kaiser insurance here in CA, and student health insurance while at college managed to go to an ER in Idaho that is out of provider to the tune of $775 where they told her she was having anxiety.  We paid for 3 round trip airline tickets.  Both renovations cost much more than expected and we never expected to renovate the bathroom right now.  It is hard to spring for the big gift that I know will help with the magic.  Both of my adult children arrived home begging for all their favorite foods that they have missed so much while away at school.  I want to make them happy.  My grocery budget doubled.

 

The boyfriend proposed on the 3rd day they were home after asking for dh's blessing.  That took care of the magic for dd.

 

All other magic has been up to me & I am tired.  I have one more week before they go home.  I also have the second semester to plan because my Summer of getting middle dd ready to leave for college meant I only had time to plan the first semester.   

 

I did have one moment of uncontrollable hilarity.  When dd asked me what her wedding budget will be.   Cue the slightly insane edged laughter HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Is it January yet?  I am so ready.

 

Whew!  That was some serious complaining.  The short answer is yes, this year the magic was all up to me and I was not up to the challenge.

 

On the other hand everyone is playing a board game in the other room, while I have a moment of peace so maybe we are doing OK after all.

 

Amber in SJ

[rebcoola]

Nope,  Yes I buy presents and make sure they are packaged/wrapped but other people do other things.  DH helps wherever he is the one that does grocery/general shopping during holidays at night since the stores are so crazy he also is the one that makes Christmas Brunch.  The kids do all the decorating and baking with only minimal help and guidance.  My mom makes Christmas dinner every little bit we do not bring one dish she considers it part of our present.  Our other traditions are super simple watch Christmas Boat Parade,  Lighted Christmas Eve Service followed by Chinese take out.  One Christmas party with friends potluck style.  My BFF and I have also take turns watching all the kids one day each before Christmas so we can finish wrapping or whatever and not be up until 3am the night before.

[MrsBasil]

Yes and no. I love Christmas. This year has been a not so great one, but I really want a nice day. We'll be having Christmas Day with the kids and my parents tomorrow due DH's work schedule.

 

Our traditions are fairly simple, put up a tree, decorate(my kids enjoy doing it), see Christmas lights, listen to music, read books, decorate a gingerbread house, watch Christmas specials/moviesand play board games on Christmas Eve that are part of our Christmas Eve box.

 

Oh, and my birthday is 4 days before Christmas. I get a pamper day and red velvet cake.

 

DH does about 50% of the shopping. This year he and the kids decorated while I was out of town attending my Grandpa's funeral. My parents live downstairs and my in laws are 15 minutes away, so hosting is fairly easy. My parents usually spend whatever day we actually celebrate with us and we have a family Christmas with MIL, FIL, BIL, and whoever BIL is dating a couple days before/after.

 

I adore Christmas and plan to do things I want to do or want to share with my family. I am not Martha Stewart or even a little bit Type A, so I don't care how the decorations look as long as the kids like them. Nothing we do will ever show up on Pinterest, but we have fun. Also, due to most of our friends having extended family close by we don't have much in the way of social obligations.

 

That said....I am guessing things will get more hectic as the kids get older. Thankfully, it's easy to have a little simple joy right now.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yes, I have definitely felt that way.  I feel like the words "Christmas" and "vacation" mean completely different things when you're the mom and you're organizing it all. My husband is very willing to help if I give him a list of things to do, but sometimes it's like I have so much floating around on my mental "to do" list that it's hard to organize my thoughts to pick some specific things for him to do.  I don't know if that makes sense. 

Whatever happens next year, it will not involve making EIGHT large batches of hot fudge to give away in mason jars to friends and neighbors.  :svengo: 

But I have simplified/streamlined over the years.  The advent of the smart phone has made it so easy for me to keep a running list of gift ideas for each family member.  As I start shopping, I also try to keep a list of what I've bought for each kid.  This helps keep things even and it also reduces the problem of "gee, I just found this Christmas present in my closet and it's February" :D 

I enlist DH and the kids to help in decorating.  They usually do the tree.  (I hate decorating the Christmas tree.  Absolutely hate it.  So I often "let" them do it and busy myself making cookies to reward them for all their hard work). 

Wrapping--we have a lot of drawstring cloth gift bags that MIL has given us over the years (we get to keep any she wraps our gifts in, plus I *asked* for some as a gift one year and she obliged--generously ;)).  I do wrap some things in paper, the but the cloth bag method drastically reduces the time, and as the kids get older, they totally don't care that most of their gifts aren't wrapped in paper.  

I don't do a fancy Christmas dinner.  I spent one Christmas day years ago cooking all day in the kitchen.  After that, no sir, it is Christmas for me too.  The current tradition is soup.  Everyone brings a pot of soup, I buy a bag of Costco rolls, plan a few easy appetizers like a veggie tray and some cheese and crackers, and a dessert or two (my mom usually does some too).  Then we have a big soup buffet.  The best part is that I can usually make my soup up ahead of time and just re-heat on Christmas day.  This year I did Chicken & Dumpling soup, so I made the soup part a day ahead, then just mixed the dumpling batter and steamed them right before we served (I even made a double batch of the soup and put some away in the freezer to do the same thing another day!).  We use disposable dishes and cutlery and then pull out a game or a movie after dinner.  It is lovely.