moms of girls 10+ wwyd

[lynn]

If your Dd wears something that doesn't match at this age, purple tie die shorts, orangey, corally, top for example. Do you say something to save her from the mean girl comments? I did tell Dd that I put her denim shorts on her dresser, just in case she just did not see them and grabbed the purple ones. But no she wants to wear what she has on..... I love my smart, confident, artsy, creative girl.

[regentrude]

No. At that age, I let my DD wear what she wants.

In my experience, if mean girls want to pick on somebody, they will find something. If the outfit is put together meticulously, they will make mean comments about just that. Or about being smart. Or about hair color.

Changing behavior in anticipation of possible mean comments is not what I would encourage.

[Jenny in Florida]

At that age, my daughter intentionally dressed to not "fit in" with the crowd. The first couple of times I noticed it, I gently pointed it out (as in something like, "Hey, that's an interesting ensemble you've chosen today. It's possible not just everyone will appreciate your fashion sense."). If she either didn't care or made it clear she was happy with her look, I dropped the subject.

[SKL]

It depends on her personality and how aware/observant she is about fashion norms.  If she is unaware, I would probably advise her of what wasn't quite right and what I'd do about it.  If she generally is aware, I might just ask her if she noticed xyz.  If she wants to be a trend setter, why not?  Teen fashion is a strange thing anyway.

[jenn-]

I'll tell my 15yo dd that she doesn't match but it is up to her to change. I still have veto power if I don't like an outfit (typically too tight). She doesn't deal with mean girl issues and looks intimidating enough that any mean girl would be stupid to make comments about her.

 

Now my 9yo boy still needs the "I dressed myself" button. I do make him change if he is headed to church with his grandparents, but other than that I just let it go. I've learned he just doesn't care when I tell him he doesn't match.

[Ellyndria]

Just as a note about color, purple and orange/coral actually go together pretty well.  I'm generally not a fan of orange, and putting purple with it is about the only thing that makes it tolerable to me.  (I even bought a purse this summer that is purple and orange stripes, with blue accents...it's very bright and summery.)  It sounds like she is just doing color blocking!

[Word Nerd]

I do comment on some of DD's outfits, especially when she combines one colorful pattern on top with a clashing colorful pattern on the bottom. It isn't because of mean girls but so she will learn how to put items together in a way that doesn't look clownish.

[PeachyDoodle]

My ds4 has better fashion sense than my dd10. (Seriously, that boy has been able to put together a matching outfit since he was 2!) But dd couldn't care less. I only complain when I get sick and tired of seeing the same t-shirt for the third time this week (clean! but still...). There are a few situations where I insist on dressing a certain way. Impressing other 10yo's isn't one of them.

 

If it bothers her, I'd have a discussion about either adjusting her attire to the appropriateness of the occasion or dressing however she chooses, with the understanding that not everyone will appreciate her choices. Either one is fine, in my book. But I'd want to help her think it through. I'd also add that making rude comments is a sign that the other person needs to learn some manners, NOT that something is wrong with dd.

 

If it didn't bother her, it certainly wouldn't bother me.

[Cinder]

I let her go. So far she hasn't encountered any mean girls. I don't know if/how that would affect her. But for now she is happy wearing crazy outfits. And that's fine by me.

[Kathryn]

Orange and purple are complementary colors.

[marbel]

My daughter has that sort of quirky "I do my own thing" fashion sense.  I don't care as long as she's dressed appropriately for the occasion and things are not too tight/short/low. 

 

I just wish she would stop asking me if I like something.  I don't like all her clothes.  I keep telling her it doesn't matter that our taste doesn't always agree.  She's 16, I'm 59, geez, you think we might have some differences in taste?  :lol: 

[LMD]

I let my DD go.  She's put all kinds of shorts over all kinds of leggings.  She's worn her snow boots to violin class.  I figure if she's confident then she'll rock it (and she does!).  I do try to encourage particularly nice ensembles and enforce suitability for the weather/event, but it's just not something I care a whole lot about...  We haven't run into any mean girls thus far.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have boys, but that hardly matters.  I only say stuff if they choose clothing that is ridiculous for the weather.  Both of my kids have a knack for wanting to wear sweatshirts when it's 90 and t-shirts in the dead of winter.  It's very bizarre.  In terms of anything else, nah...

 

 

[FO4UR]

The 80's fashion flair is back.  She's rocking it.

[lynn]

Thank you for the responses. I did let this one go and could only feel like a proud mom as I watched her walk into school so confidently. I always leaned toward preppy style but have been embracing her creative outfit trends. She most definitely is not a fit in with the crowd child. when it came to choosing a fall fleece jacket she did not choose a bright solid color she went with charcoal Heather and laser red.

[Carrie12345]

Nope.

My 12yo has gone out in public in newsprint pants, a flowered tank top, combat boots, and blue hair.  Her social awareness is fully intact and this is how she eagerly chooses to present herself. Most likely in part to drive her more straight-laced sister insane, lol.

 

[kirstenhill]

I sometimes make comments to DD11 like, "a lot of people don't think wearing two different kinds of stripes is a very good combination" - or something like that. I try to leave it really up to her to make the final decision, and save it for really egregious combinations. ;-)

[zoobie]

I ask if she knows it doesn't match. If she says yes, then I say ok cool. If she says omg I grabbed the wrong pants, then I tell her to run change if she wants. She is just as likely to answer either way. :P

[abcmommy]

I let mine wear whatever she picks.

[historically accurate]

Nope.

My 12yo has gone out in public in newsprint pants, a flowered tank top, combat boots, and blue hair.  Her social awareness is fully intact and this is how she eagerly chooses to present herself. Most likely in part to drive her more straight-laced sister insane, lol.

 

 

 

My oldest dd would've been appalled to be in something that didn't match perfectly.  She is boring fashion-wise (jeans and solid colored tees). My middle dd, on the other hand, had mismatched socks way before they became popular; she mixes colors and patterns boldly. As long as it is weather appropriate, I let it go. And yes, I think sometimes it is to annoy her older sister. 

[Rebel Yell]

My girls have had more than enough experience with dress codes, team uniforms, costumes, etc. that I let them wear whatever they want- only reserving powers of veto for things liek family portraits and major events like weddings.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I think orange and purple match and yes I would say I wasn't sure if those shorts were right for that shirt but if anyone could pull it off my DD is that person (she has in the past gone through every color of hair, a trendy pop girl phase, goth phase, 90's grunge-style, she dabbled in the 80's..... you get the idea).  So as long as she's a confident person, I wouldn't worry but I'd make her aware that someone might say something.

[stutterfish]

I let mine wear whatever she picks.

Yep, as long as body parts that might attract the wrong sort of attention are decently covered and the clothes are practical for the weather/environment, I consider it to be none of my business what my dd wears. If we are going to an event where a particular dress code is the norm, I might gently suggest she wears something socially appropriate, but would never enforce it. Imo, girls, get to be far too self-conscious about body image these days, so personally I'd steer clear of focusing on how my dd looks and let her know I support her, whatever choice she makes.

[lllll]

nm

[MysteryJen]

My girls always have worn what they wanted. Dd1 wore athletic wear up until last year when she started wearing "real" clothes. Dd1 has always had her own sense of style, very French (think Jean Seberg mixed with Charlotte Gainsborough). She is going through an athletic wear phase, but mostly because of fit problems (5'1" and 80 lbs).

 

Dd2 actually was annoyed with one of her friends yesterday because she only wants to wear what everyone else wears. Dd2 loves to see people dress in what they love, no matter how different. One of her dream jobs is a buyer for a department store.

[catz]

Hahah we are way beyond the years where my DD would care. I do agree purple and orange are complementary and can look good. I definitely wouldn't say anything. There's only a few times a year I might get fussy (wedding, funeral, recital, photo, special holiday). Other than that I'm pretty hands off.

[Violet Crown]

Great Girl dressed like a colorblind clown for years as a young teen and I never said anything. Then in her late teens she started dressing in beige and navy. Now in college she dresses in STEM-slovenly like all the other kids in her classes (but cleans up nicely for interviews). Meanwhile Middle Girl has started dressing in wildly clashing colors and patterns. Here we go again....

 

Never noticed that the other homeschooled girls were any different. I say, leave it alone.

[Bluegoat]

I love purple and orange.

 

I almost never mention colour matching with my dd.  I think I would be most likely to if I thought she wasn't quite getting the look she was going for.

 

My biggest battle as she has become older is to convince her that leggings should be worn with a longer top.

[OH_Homeschooler]

In general, I find a light-hearted "oh honey, no" goes a long way. For my girls and boys. 

[Word Nerd]

https://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/complementary.html;)

[gardenmom5]

I might ask if she was sure about that combination - but not because of fear of mean girls.  Usually I let them wear what they chose.  I did have one who'd wear the same thing everyday (in high school!) - and I did have to put my foot down that it needed to go in the wash and something else be worn.

then there was the day we were shopping and I held up a neon lime green fleece top as a joke - and the child loved it . . .

[Joker]

My 13 year dd still purposefully dresses outside the norm. She's in a public middle school and never gets nasty comments. She has a good group of friends and actually usually gets compliments on her weird clothing choices. I've never vetoed anything and don't think I ever would now that they are 13 and 15.

[Ms.Ivy]

I only comment if my 10 yr old wears two very different patterns for top and bottom.... I just remind her of the "rule" that we only wear one main pattern and the rest of the outfit should be solid.  Sometimes she forgets and doesn't think about what she's wearing.  But I don't comment if she picks two colors I think are odd, because that's just my own generation's color bias talking.  I see a lot of people wearing things that my mom taught me were "wrong" (pink and red together, purple and orange, etc.)  

 

ETA: Just as I clicked "post," my 10 yr old came out and said, "look at my outfit, isn't it cute?  I love it!"  And I had to tell her to change because yes, it is a cute combination, but the top was a sweater and it's going to be 101 degrees today.  gotta love preteens  :D

[chiguirre]

Dd1 wore athletic wear up until last year when she started wearing "real" clothes.

I'm so happy to hear this. T wears basketball shorts or a tennis skirt and an athletic shirt every single day. She looks fine but I did wonder if this stage ever passes.

[Tap]

DD16 purposefully mismatched at that age also.  I just let her be.  

[bolt.]

I might comment in an offhand way something like: in my taste, I thought the outfit didn't match well, but, of course, everyone dresses their own way, and matching isn't really important anyways.

 

I wouldn't interfere, or be more than offhand, unless it was 'my' event (or the clothes were too small, or visibly dirty/stained). I'm also offhand about weather-inappropriate choices.

[ashfern]

Nope. I do a happy dance when they get to the age that they want to dress themselves. The only thing I will send her back to her room for is holes in the knees of her leggings when we're on the way to church. I will not allow that. I also will point out if there's a stain on her clothes but leave it up to her if she wants to change, unless it's church. 

[Jan in SC]

Purple and orange are perfect together! Go, Tigers!!!!

 

If my child was leaving with truly mismatched clothing, I would ask politely if he was trying for a certain look. If he seemed surprised, then I would mention that a different color would look better on the top or bottom.

[MEmama]

I vividly remember a friend's mother commenting on my outfit one morning as I stopped by friend's house on our way to school. She asked me if I dressed myself that morning and suggested I might go home to change. I had started my day thinking I looked snappy in my red corduroy pants and orange velour shirt, but with that one comment I was reduced to tears and insecurity for a long, long time. I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye for ages. Given the outfit it was the late 70's, so I must have been around 8 or 9. I'm (fairly) sure the comment was well meaning, but it was just one more thing that further eroded any shred of confidence I had in myself.

 

I totally get wanting to shelter from mean girls, but I wouldn't discredit a girl's fashion sense. I often question (in my head only) my own son's ensembles, but recently it's dawned on me that other kids are actually copying his very quirky style. I'm very relieved I've never said anything negative! Lol

[alisoncooks]

I generally only speak up if something is inappropriate (ie. she's trying to wear a shirt that she's obviously outgrown but was still in her drawer or flip flops and shorts in the snow).

 

If we are going to like church, I usually ask her to run her ideas by me first.  

[AK_Mom4]

Let it go.

 

DD14 has a sense of color that often resembles a patchwork quilt.  Like the others, I have always just required decent coverage and weather appropriate clothing and let everything else slide except for formal events.

 

 

[Closeacademy]

I let them dress how they want.  One has absolutely no sense of style and is very proud of it.  The other dresses like a bohemian.  She knows how to put together an outfit from random things that look like they belong together.

 

btw--I think non-matching is the style now.  I mean like not even matching up socks but just wearing them randomly.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'll tell my 15yo dd that she doesn't match but it is up to her to change.

 

This is my approach, mainly because I remember being the butt of some teasing as a child when I was wearing a clashing outfit. I didn't really know it clashed, and my parents knew but didn't mention it. I was mortified by the teasing and really would have appreciated a heads up! (My mother swears she mentioned it to me, but I have no memory of that, and neither does my dad. They still bring it up to tease me, and my kids have now picked it up and tease me about it too. Thanks SO much :glare: ) 

 

If DD decides to go with what she's wearing, more power to her. But I consider it my job to help her learn about matching colors, styles, patterns, etc. so she can make an informed decision. 

[Crimson Wife]

I will tell her that it clashes, but so long as it is clean and weather-appropriate, it is her choice to change or not.

[Katy]

Is it possible she's more on trend and has a better sense of style than you?  Bright complementary colors that don't match are coming back in style, and probably even moreso for kids.   Of course if you prefer preppy style not draw-attention style, I can see that would cause issues.

 

I definitely wouldn't say anything unless I thought it was occasion or age - inappropriate.

 

 

[Butter]

I'd let her wear what she wants.  Mismatched craziness is quite popular right now.

[rocassie]

Honestly I do not comment on my DD's clothes unless she asks for an opinion, it's not weather/activity appropriate, or they are dirty.  If she got teased/made fun of for wearing what she chose and I noticed, especially if I could tell it bothered her, I would bring it up with her and discuss different options.  

[Terabith]

It depends.  If we're going out in public, I've been told to tell them, "Nope.  Purple tie dye shirts with red shorts and orange socks don't match.  Please go change."  They truly are clueless/ don't care.  If it's only a little clashy or we aren't going anywhere exciting (maybe the grocery store, but not a place with friends), I might comment, "You know, that doesn't match," but not make them change. 

[crazyforlatin]

I may say something, usually not, and if anyone wants to say something mean, DD has plenty of confidence in herself that she may set a trend of stripes, dots, flowery dress all in one outfit. She's 10 and should have the freedom to do this. It's all in the attitude.

[kewb]

I may say that something doesn't match and she should be prepared that someone may say something. She can decide of she wants to wear it. More often then not she goes with what she picked out.

I only veto if something clearly does not fit or is truly not flattering.