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"The meeting for my dad this morning didn't go so good" *might* be an understatement.

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Posted
Posted

I'm about done, ladies. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

 

So first of all, I go see my dad before the meeting. He's been off all sedation meds now for two days, so they're starting to come out of his system. Well, dad's responding *sometimes* to *somethings*, which is hard enough. But on top of that, he looks terrified. So I say hi and good morning to him, and I love you, and then (because he looks so terrified) I asked him if he wanted some pain medication. He mouthed the word 'yes'. (He can't talk because he has a tracheotomy). Oh my word, my dad wants pain meds and he isn't on any!

 

Ugh!

 

So obviously mom and I get the nurse to give him some right away.

 

So then is the meeting with Mom's friend (remember, mom works at the hospital dad's in, she works in quality control) from pallitive care.

 

It didn't go good.

 

My older sister, the one with kidney failure/complications from that is in complete denial and wants dad to have every single thing done that we possibly can so that he can maybe end up living in a nursing home on a feeding tube with a vent. I guess. Not that she SAID that, but she wants us to keep doing every possible thing to prolong his life. Which I think is unfair to dad, and so does mom. But mom's not ready yet to go ahead and discontinue care at this point, considering sis doesn't agree.

 

And then. Then.

 

My know it all, holier-than-thou, no life experience, no marriage, no kids, but knows EVERYTHING even though she's all of 23 years old punk of a little sister accuses us all of being faithless, becuase none of this matters, because, and I quote, "Jesus will let dad die when he's supposed to'.

 

:001_huh:

 

So I"m not very proud of how I reacted to that. It wasn't pretty. And mom really, REALLY didn't need it, I'm sure; both what punk little sister said AND how I reacted.

 

So all that was decided is that on Friday, dad will have a neuropsych eval to see if he's cognitive enough to be involved in the decisions regarding his care. So yeah. More waiting. More dad being *not* dad, on a vent, on dialysis, not there.

 

I told my mom I don't think I can keep going back up there and seeing him like that. Of course, she told me that Dad would want me to come see him (which is true, I know), and that she needs me (which I also understand). And I want to be there for her and dad. I really do. But I don't know how much more of my 'let's deny what's really happening' older sister and 'You all just need to have more faith and pray more' know-it-all little sister I can take.

 

If you read all this, bless you. And know that, obviously, I could still use prayer. A LOT.

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Desert Rat

Desert Rat

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Oh Honey. I'm so, so sorry. You beat me out today.

I sat down with Mom and found out that Dad borrowed against everything. I will have to help her with money I don't have or she loses everything. But, I'll take it over what you're going through. Nothing compares.

More:grouphug::grouphug:

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aggieamy

aggieamy

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. We've been through similar things with my grandmother (complete with punk relatives) and with my IL's. I know it seems like this will go on forever and that you can't take anymore but keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll be fine. You'll find out your are strong enough to handle all this.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'll keep you in my prayers.

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justamouse

justamouse

Posted
Posted

 

If you read all this, bless you. And know that, obviously, I could still use prayer. A LOT.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I know, I know, I know. I truly know.

 

It is SO HARD when family won't let go.

 

My MIL kept my FIL around for weeks just by constantly touching him, talking to him, like NONSTOP, wanted everything done for him...it was horrific to watch, it was like watching him be tortured. And he had Alz and she just would keep asking, why won't he wake up? If he wakes up, will he be better?

 

So :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You can do this. He needs you.

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lea1

lea1

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry. This is such a difficult thing to go through. My sister and I had to decide something similar for our mom recently. Thankfully we were both of the same mind of "what would mom have wanted". I'll pray for you and your family.

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Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

How awful for you and your mom, Bethany.

 

I think your sisters are being unrealistic and unreasonable. I know they are desperate for a miracle, and that they aren't emotionally ready to say goodbye to your father, but he is suffering and you have been told that he will not recover. In that case, I don't think you are doing your father any favors by artificially prolonging his life -- and if your sister is saying that Jesus will take your father when it's his time to go, then perhaps she needs to consider the idea that if it's not your father's time yet, then Jesus will save him when he is taken off life support.

 

I feel so sad for your family. This is such a horrible decision to have to make, and no one expects it when their dad is your father's age. But your mom needs to make the call, because even if it's the saddest possible decision for her and even if it angers your sisters, she needs to do what is right for your father.

 

Praying for you and your family, and praying extra-hard that they are able to keep your dad as comfortable as possible until a final decision is made.

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Jpoy85

Jpoy85

Posted
Posted

Im sorry if this has been asked- BUT is he at Hospice? The hospital? If hes at Hospice Im surprised that havent been more open and honest with everyone about the situation. Is there a Patient Advocate that can speak on your mothers and your behalf? Maybe talk to your sisters?

 

:grouphug:

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Pegasus

Pegasus

Posted
Posted
your mom needs to make the call, because even if it's the saddest possible decision for her and even if it angers your sisters, she needs to do what is right for your father.

 

I agree 100% with the above and will add that it is then your job to back her up and support her decision. I've faced end of life decisions with both of my parents and I know how hard it is. :grouphug:

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1bassoon

1bassoon

Posted
Posted

Bethany - you might want to avert your eyes for a minute. . . . .

 

&*%%%^&*$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:cursing::(:crying:

 

. . . . . . .ok, you can look now.

 

That wasn't particularly gracious, or godly, or sweet, or what-EV-er.

 

But it's how I feel on your behalf.

 

It just stinks. And that's mild.

 

Now, the godly, gracious, encouraging part:

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry, and I'm praying for you.

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