********* Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I'm about done, ladies. I don't know how much longer I can do this. So first of all, I go see my dad before the meeting. He's been off all sedation meds now for two days, so they're starting to come out of his system. Well, dad's responding *sometimes* to *somethings*, which is hard enough. But on top of that, he looks terrified. So I say hi and good morning to him, and I love you, and then (because he looks so terrified) I asked him if he wanted some pain medication. He mouthed the word 'yes'. (He can't talk because he has a tracheotomy). Oh my word, my dad wants pain meds and he isn't on any! Ugh! So obviously mom and I get the nurse to give him some right away. So then is the meeting with Mom's friend (remember, mom works at the hospital dad's in, she works in quality control) from pallitive care. It didn't go good. My older sister, the one with kidney failure/complications from that is in complete denial and wants dad to have every single thing done that we possibly can so that he can maybe end up living in a nursing home on a feeding tube with a vent. I guess. Not that she SAID that, but she wants us to keep doing every possible thing to prolong his life. Which I think is unfair to dad, and so does mom. But mom's not ready yet to go ahead and discontinue care at this point, considering sis doesn't agree. And then. Then. My know it all, holier-than-thou, no life experience, no marriage, no kids, but knows EVERYTHING even though she's all of 23 years old punk of a little sister accuses us all of being faithless, becuase none of this matters, because, and I quote, "Jesus will let dad die when he's supposed to'. :001_huh: So I"m not very proud of how I reacted to that. It wasn't pretty. And mom really, REALLY didn't need it, I'm sure; both what punk little sister said AND how I reacted. So all that was decided is that on Friday, dad will have a neuropsych eval to see if he's cognitive enough to be involved in the decisions regarding his care. So yeah. More waiting. More dad being *not* dad, on a vent, on dialysis, not there. I told my mom I don't think I can keep going back up there and seeing him like that. Of course, she told me that Dad would want me to come see him (which is true, I know), and that she needs me (which I also understand). And I want to be there for her and dad. I really do. But I don't know how much more of my 'let's deny what's really happening' older sister and 'You all just need to have more faith and pray more' know-it-all little sister I can take. If you read all this, bless you. And know that, obviously, I could still use prayer. A LOT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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