House size after the dc are grown

[klmama]

There seem to be two opposing views on the topic of house size after the dc are grown.  I know people who are downsizing from 4000+ sq ft to a home built for two, and I know others who are leaving their 1200 sq ft homes for larger homes with room for their dc and families to visit more easily.   What do you think makes the most sense?

[Laura Corin]

So many variables. We downsized a bit to three bedrooms. The last thing I want is to spend the next thirty years cleaning an enormous, empty house for those times when people come to stay. There's always Airbnb if their families get large. 

[Momto6inIN]

We plan to stay in the same home until we have to move somewhere because of frail health and/or home maintenance issues. It's paid off!

 If/when we do move it will probably be to somewhere smaller than our current approx 2500 sq ft but larger than we need for just the 2 of us. Or I guess to a nursing home, but I prefer not to think about that 🙄

[teachermom2834]

I think we will stay where we have 2800 sq ft. We just refinished the basement bedroom/bathroom with a mind for it to be a comfortable place for young adult/married couple/ young family to stay. 

I have never had a place to stay with parents as an adult. MIL is a hoarder. My parents bought a small condo. We have had times when our family really could have used having someplace to go. We had a tree fall through our home once and we lived with a tree in our living room for a week because we really had no where to go. That was pretty traumatic.  When we were forced to relocate following dh's unemployment we had a week between house closings. We had to spend alot of money on a hotel at a time when money was really tight. It was stressful.  I so wished I had a parental home I could crash at! I hope to be able to be that for my kids. 

I also think of worse scenarios where I would want to be able to provide a home for an adult child and/or their family. We don't have alot to give our kids financially but I hope to always be a soft place to land physically. 

Now, if we had to relocate to a more expensive area or had our own financial crisis I would be totally be open to downsizing if it was in the best financial interests of dh and myself. But for now, we would like to have the space for them.

[QueenCat]

We have about 2500 sq. ft. If anything, we'll go bigger in the next 6-12 months. We want a full apartment basement for younger ds without losing the space we have now. We also want a larger living room and dining room. We like space, though... 

[JustEm]

what made the most sense for my parents was to move in with us after we found a house that was a bit bigger than we needed to accommodate them and large family gatherings, plus siblings visiting. Originally, they downsized from a 7 bedroom, 4 bath probably 4000 sqft house to a 4 bd, 3 bath, 2100 sqft.  After ten years they decided it was too much to maintain but the family collectively needed a place to gather.  So, now our house is the family gathering house and I love it.

[Arcadia]

My parents went bigger and it makes sense because my mom has mobility issues due to rheumatoid arthritis in her early 60s and having lots of empty space to maneuver around furniture can be useful as she is now wheelchair bound in her late 70s.

Our current home is 865sqft and one bedroom so we intend to upsize in case I would need a wheelchair in the future. We also want our kids to have a place to land if they need so we are thinking of three bedrooms.

[Kassia]

We're at 2400 sq/ft now with 3 grown kids and one college freshman.  Two of the grown kids have a significant other so we have 8 in the house when everyone is home for a visit.  We want to move and I'd like to downsize, but with my kids spread out all over in different states, I want them to be able to come and stay with us.  It's definitely a tough decision.  And then when they have kids of their own we'll have even more people.  I was thinking of maybe a Cape Cod style house where the upstairs is only used when we have visitors.  Or even a colonial with a first floor master.  

 

[PrincessMommy]

I think a lot depends on the configuration of the rooms.

After being here 3 yrs I think our downsized house is a tad too small.   But, that has a lot to do with the fact that we have no good storage options.   If we had an unfinished basement, I think I would feel less cramped.

Also, my dh has needed a designated office  since covid hit.  

The things that are great:

An open kitchen with room for many people to visit/sit when I'm cooking

A designated TV room -with a door.

A large sunroom  - with heat/AC.   That is our big dining room when we have gatherings (if we have gatherings again).  It can be closed off when not in use.

MB on the opposite side of the house from the TV room.

 

[athena1277]

I think it really depends on the family situation.  My mom is planning to move in the next few years and downsize.  She would be fine in a small 1 bedroom cottage, but will probably want 2 so grandkids or someone else can sleep over.  It will probably depend on what is available at the time.  I think her plans are reasonable.

My in-laws, on the other hand, bought a much bigger house when they moved a few years ago.  They wanted all their kids families (15 people) to be able to stay with them (we did without problems in there old house).  The ridiculous thing is, they moved to be near family.  BIL’s family lives 10 minutes away in a big house.  Other extended family is also very close.  It would have been fine to buy a smaller (and cheaper!) house and let some of us stay with BIL and get together during the day.  As it is, BIL and his wife never stay over when everyone is in town.  They go home at night, but usually let the kids stay with the cousins.  

[mathnerd]

Things are changing in my area with most adult kids moving back in with parents during Covid because of the high COL. So, parents are putting in extensions to their houses or remodeling their basements, garages etc to increase available square footage for multiple generations to work from home and also to comfortably co-exist. This is changing my POV a lot whereas before this, I was thinking of downsizing after my child moves out and now I am considering the fact that I might have to provide a landing spot for my child when he becomes a young adult.

[J-rap]

There's not a right answer.  You do what makes sense for you.  We raised our family in a smallish home and envisioned us moving into a larger home someday where we could host big gatherings for all of our children and grandchildren, host parties  :), etc.  That would've been fun!  But due to health problems, we sold our smallish home and moved into a largish apartment, with two extra bedrooms.  So, we can still host people who are staying overnight, but won't be hosting large gatherings or needing to keep up with maintenance.  It's a perfect solution for us!

[Scarlett]

We have 2000 sf 3 bedrooms and I would like to keep it for grandkids etc.  but if necessary  I can see us making do with one half  this size.

[Bambam]

I'd be in favor of a slightly smaller house than we have now. Still a little room for an additional family in a squeeze, but as a temporary situation or for a vacation.

My ILs bought a much bigger house so we could all stay with them when we went to visit. I am telling you, I would have MUCH preferred staying at a motel to have some time away from them. It would have been cheaper for them if they had just paid for us to stay in a motel (although we would have paid our own way) than to buy that much bigger house with heating/cooling/maintenance costs for the short time (2-4 days/yearly) we were able to visit and stay. 

I'd prefer a house all one one level too. We have an upstairs here, and it is going to be fairly useless as we get older. My sister has a nice basement, but she has knee problems, so that basement is basically useless to her. 

And I've thought about holidays. My kids, if they get married, will have two families that want them both to come stay on holidays. We finally gave up doing that because we wanted to stay home and enjoy our time as a family. I don't want to pressure my children to come to my house vs. their in-laws on a regular basis. I want them to come because they want to come. But really, when the kids are little, it is usually easier on the grandparents to go visit the kids/grandchildren. 

[ScoutTN]

We live in about 1300 sf.  We will have raised our kids in this house and we will live here until we can't due to health. 

[WendyLady]

We did some downsizing last year and it hasn't been my favorite. We are still moving around with my husband's military career, so this is not permanent. In our previous home we had a basement, 4 bedrooms, and both a living and family room. Our current house is 3 bedroom, no basement, and just one large great room. We are down to just one kid at home, so in theory, we don't need so much space, but in practice, our older kids have all visited numerous times this year and one guest room with no extra space is not enough.

We were not prepared for the downsize and we are lucky that the bedrooms have large closets, because they are packed!!  My husband says he would prefer to downsize to a smaller house, but now that we are in a smaller house, he is also the person with numerous hobbies that take up a lot of space and need their own rooms. 

I think ideally we would have a cute 3 bedroom cottage with a full basement, and the basement would be perfect for some hobbies and for visiting space for our kids. Add in a large garage and we would be golden!

Visiting my parents is one of my favorite things - I have always felt welcome and safe there and have known that we could fall back to their house if needed, even when all 4 of our kids were at home. I hope to offer that to our kids to some extent. I don't particularly want to enable kids living with us forever, but I hope that we can be a safe harbor if needed.

[KungFuPanda]

4 hours ago, klmama said:

There seem to be two opposing views on the topic of house size after the dc are grown.  I know people who are downsizing from 4000+ sq ft to a home built for two, and I know others who are leaving their 1200 sq ft homes for larger homes with room for their dc and families to visit more easily.   What do you think makes the most sense?

We have a middle-sized house. It’s just under 2000 sq ft (not counting the basement) and 3 good-sized bedrooms. It was a bit more than we needed for a family of four, but it’s not overkill for a kid-free home. We turned the DR into an accessible downstairs bedroom and DS’s old upstairs bedroom into an office for DH. Dd just moved into her first post-college apartment, so now we have a guest room too.  I think a middle-sized home is very versatile.
 

I also think a smaller property is easier to care for at every phase of life. My brother thinks taking care of land is a super fun hobby, but I just want to read a book most of the time. 🤣

[TravelingChris]

We were in a large rented house overseas when my son went to college.   We moved back to US and rented a 3 bedroom house that was about 1800 sf in Florida where we were stationed.  We had our 2 girls sharing a room and one bedroom was for guests/son when home from college/office.  Son got sick and house was too small, even when he wasn't home it was kind of cramped.  Next rented home was more than  4000 sqft since we knew we would have all three kids living there and wanted an office too so 4 bedrooms, office, guest room, etc.  That house was a very good size for us. So when we were moving to Alabama and knew that dh would be retiring from USAF within five years from the move and since this was our dream location for our permanent home where dh could be employed and we both would love (dh had only about 10 locations in US, if even that, where he could probably find employment easily), we decided to buy.  At that point, ds was planning to move out and dd1 was off to college.  We didn't care- we were not making the same mistake of getting too small a house and then people moving back.  We bought a house with something like 3165 sq ft on main floor (only floor that counts for taxes) but we also have about 1500 sq ft on the lower level, most of which is above ground but part is underground.  We have had anywhere from 5 to 2 people living here,  In Feb, we may very well have our son moving back in for a period of about six months.  Both dh and I have our own offices, and we have a guest room and a craft room/potential 2nd guest room too.  I wouldn't want to live in a smaller place.  It just would be harder to have our belonging there and also, harder for me to navigate as I become more disabled.

[gardenmom5]

It depends if you're one to have family visit or not.  It also depends on retirement income, and housing costs where you live.  I'd enjoying downsizing my yard . . . . dh will never sell.

 

[easypeasy]

We're looking to upsize! The same # of bedrooms would be fine, but hopefully larger open spaces. We hope to have room for the kids' families to stay when they come and visit, but honestly, I just love having space to move around.

DH would like to take the motorhome out on longer trips as we get older, which is fine with me - so long as I have a nice, big home to come back to! 🙂

[Carrie12345]

I want to upsize, but it’s kinda hard to downsize any further than what we’ve got, even if we wanted to.

I do want to be where everyone comes together with their families/friends.

[Donna]

I think it depends on personal situation.

We moved to another less expensive state and, not on purpose, almost doubled the size of our home though due to the change in location it cost us the same as the home we left and taxes are half what we where paying.

We chose this larger home because (when there's not a pandemic) I host house concerts so wanted a large living room and it's a rancher so will serve us well as we age (hallways and bathrooms are large enough to make handicap accessible and floors are all hardwood or tile). DH has RA so these were important considerations.

I do also have dreams of our home being a place everyone can gather for holidays. As they start building families, we'll see how that goes.

[City Mouse]

We are not planning to downsize exactly, but we are planning a relocation due to access to medical care.

Our current house is already only 3 bedrooms. My oldest just got her first real apartment, and the eventual plan is to turn her room into a hybrid guest room/family room. However, once we get the flooring and painting done in there, my DS will switch rooms so we can fix up his room.

We live several hours from anything but the most basic medical care, so our long, long term plan is to move back to the Texas gulf coast, probably back to the greater Houston area, when we need better access to medical facilities. 

[ksr5377]

I think it depends a lot on where children live - do you need living space, sleeping space or both.   We're not at this point yet but I have thought about it quite a bit lately due to my parents and aunts and uncles making those decisions currently.  I have an aunt who has 2 children that live close to her.  She downsized and her daughters take turns hosting holiday events.  Another aunt and uncle, who have 6 children, are currently in the process of adding on a first floor master with handicap accessible bathroom and great room to their home.  Their goal is to be able to stay in their home as long as possible AND to have their children and grandchildren comfortably gather for holidays.  When they're all together it's 31 people.  My parents recently remodeled their home to open up their kitchen to the dining room to make it nicer when we're all together.  They also remodeled their first floor bathroom to make it handicap accessible.  They had thought of finishing their basement to add more sleeping space when everyone is in town, but instead we all decided that adding more sleeping options in the 3 empty bedrooms made more sense.  So instead of 3 rooms with one full size bed each, we added a few bunk beds with trundles.  They're not the prettiest guest rooms, which sometimes bothers my mom, but the main goal is each room can hold a lot of people.  Other than their children, they don't have any other overnight guests.  

[Ditto]

To me making plans for an unknown future isn't something I am willing to do if it means buying a larger house with "what ifs".  Because what if the grown children never have kids of their own, or prefer to stay somewhere else when visiting,  what if the house becomes too much upkeep for a once a year visit, etc.  That just seems foolish (to me) to have a house completely on "what ifs".   I would rather live in a home that is perfect for where we are now in our lives.  The sole exception being buying a home with the plan to "age in place".  That is always a wise move if you have the means (we don't).   Our current home is 1500 sq feet and a good size for those of us living here now.  I admit that I would like to size down but that doesn't seem realistic now and that is fine.    As for the future, we will deal with it when it comes.  As always, these are my opinions only.

[Sherry in OH]

I agree that there are many variables.  I know people my age with grandchildren almost as old as my children.  If my children start families as late as dh and I did, they will most likely be visiting me in a nursing home.

We downsized with our last move and I am glad we did.  We went from somewhat over 3,000 sq. feet on 3 levels to 1,900 on one floor.  My only regret is that we do not have a basement.   I would be willing to go smaller with our next move.   My preference would be a house with a finished basement.  A basement would provide extra space for visiting family members  Mostly, though,  I want a basement because I want the water shut-off and mechanicals indoors and I find trusses and plywood to be more comfortable underfoot than a slab. 

In my experience the size of the house is not a barrier for family gatherings. People who really want to be together will find a way to make the available space work. Growing up 40-50 people crammed into my grandparents' modest-sized home every Christmas.  On the increasingly rare occasions my siblings and I are able to visit my parents at the same time, we manage.  The adults get the beds and sofas and the children camp out on the floor.   

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Sherry in OH said:

I agree that there are many variables.  I know people my age with grandchildren almost as old as my children.  If my children start families as late as dh and I did, they will most likely be visiting me in a nursing home.

We downsized with our last move and I am glad we did.  We went from somewhat over 3,000 sq. feet on 3 levels to 1,900 on one floor.  My only regret is that we do not have a basement.   I would be willing to go smaller with our next move.   My preference would be a house with a finished basement.  A basement would provide extra space for visiting family members  Mostly, though,  I want a basement because I want the water shut-off and mechanicals indoors and I find trusses and plywood to be more comfortable underfoot than a slab. 

In my experience the size of the house is not a barrier for family gatherings. People who really want to be together will find a way to make the available space work. Growing up 40-50 people crammed into my grandparents' modest-sized home every Christmas.  On the increasingly rare occasions my siblings and I are able to visit my parents at the same time, we manage.  The adults get the beds and sofas and the children camp out on the floor.   

This. 

I don't want to have an enormous house to clean and maintain for family to visit twice a year. I'd rather rent a camper, set up tents in the yard in warm weather, rent an Air B and B or set up blow up mattresses on the floor. So for us, even if our kids move away and want to come back to visit, a three bedroom house is enough. It helps that we live in the South and the weather is pleasant quite a bit of the time. 

My dhs Grandmother hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at her house for decades with at least ten families, totaling probably 50 to 60 people. In a house that was probably 1000 square feet. Only a handful of people stayed the night there, but most people drove in for the day.

It seems that my older two will stay local. They both love our area, so it seems that they'll be close enough to drive in for the day if they like.

[Murphy101]

I think what makes sense depends on reality for that couple. 

The couple across the street from me?  They plan to sell within the next 3 years. They had two kids, both of which have moved out and started their own families. Both of which do not visit often or for very long periods. One married a career military man. The other married someone a state away.  They currently think it is unlikely their children’s families are going to need to stay with them more than a week a year, if that. They are thinking of sprucing it up to sell and buy something smaller and put the left over equity into retirement.

Me? Of my 6 adult children, 2 still live at home full time, one is a college kid who lives at home part of the year, 2 visit (sometimes overnight) multiple times a month, any of the above also tend to bring stray friends with them too.  So even if I did not have 5 other younger children still at home - I would not downsize unless I had to because that would absolutely impact family dynamics. 
 

However I do strongly hope to sell within 5 years bc we have very steep narrow stairs and a step down living area that I do not think are elder friendly and I do not want to wait until one of us has broken something to realize our home isn’t fit for elderly or disabled people. Also, those things are a 24/7 baby/toddler hazard too. And while I had to sweat through that even with multiple older guardians to help out, we’ve still have toddling babies hit stone work step down into the living room or fall down the stairs. I don’t want future son/daughter in laws to feel they can’t visit bc grandmas house is a safety hazard. 
 

I hoping we can find something one story and 2200-2500 sq ft in our price range that allows for a big family but doesn’t have the hazards. And for reasons of finances, many people end up keeping their larger home simply bc the housing market has gotten so nuts that downsizing significantly could still mean a larger cost than they can afford. 

my first house was 1000sq ft $60k

my second house 2900sq ft $140k

but I’m seeing current houses at 1200-1500 sq ft going for 160-$180K 

If I can’t bank some equity, I will not downsize. I’m sure at some point that will cause a major safety problem but I’m unsure how to financially cope with that. 🤷‍♀️

[Jaybee]

We're in 1800 sq ft. It's really a perfect size for nearly everything we do, but for larger family gatherings, we are the ones who travel. So when we retire, we will be moving anyway, back to our home state, and probably in the town where one of our children and her family live. There are also extended family members nearby. I'd love to be able to buy the equivalent of our present home, in every way but that I'd rather equal out the size of the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms. Presently, one is very large, and one is much smaller. I'd prefer they both be comfortably-sized for a queen bed. Otherwise, it is all on one level (no basement), no steps, almost a walk-in shower in master, 3 br, 2 ½ bath, great kitchen, etc. We have a large family, so not everybody could stay with us, but between ours and dd's home, it would be fine. However, we are in a lcol presently, and housing is much more expensive in my home state, even though it is still considered lcol. I don't see how we will be able to buy anything anywhere near the same size. 😞 

[Amy Gen]

Our first house was 4,000 square feet, and I likes that even when we only had 3 kids. Our last 2 homes have been 3,500 feet and I want something bigger. 
 

I like to be at home rather than doing a bunch of running around and I get attached to my things. I want room to keep all of my sewing and spinning equipment set up and I want a big kitchen and room to set up toys for future grandkids and enough bedrooms for adult kids to move back in if they want to. 
 

It is all about opportunity cost to me. I’m willing to give up in a bunch of different areas to have a bigger house. I’m not sure if it will happen in my lifetime, but I sure hope so. In the meantime, when I feel dissatisfied, I clean and organize the house I have. It is so beautiful in so many ways. It would be perfect if I had 2 kids instead of 5. 

[Lady Florida.]

Ds 23 is still at home but we just downsized the square feet. We still have 3 bedrooms and 2 baths but all the rooms are smaller. I want less house to take care of as I get older, not more. 

[mom2scouts]

We've had five kids in a 1900 sf house, so I definitely can't imagine going into a bigger house. We usually host all the big family events now, so we'll probably stay here for the forseeable future. We've started talking about moving to another state for retirement and we'd probably find something smaller if that happens.

[BlsdMama]

I’ve always loved small houses. We always thought we’d end up in a small house. However, it doesn’t look likely. Everything for a disability is big - the hoyer lift, wheelchair, bathrooms, etc.

 

In our current house, we will just “forget” the basement even exists when the kids are gone. I actually can’t imagine moving at all because things then need to be changed, like widened doorways, bathrooms, etc.

[G5052]

Yes, we've been looking. I told the realtor "around" 2000 sq ft. My college kids live with me in a rental house that size, and I don't anything bigger. I also want my bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen all on one floor. I'm figuring that one or both will be gone in the next 1-3 years.

There are houses like that in my area, but they don't come up on the market that much. So we're waiting. This is likely the last house I'll ever buy, so we want to do it right.