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Quill

Poll about eating meals together as family; North America and elsewhere

How routinely did you share a true meal with all/most family?  

163 members have voted

  1. 1. Is/was it routine when your kids were growing up to have at least one meal together with all/most family members?

    • I am North American and my family almost always shared at least one meal daily.
      117
    • I am not North American and my family almost always shares at least one meal daily.
      9
    • I am North American and my family shared at least one meal a few times weekly.
      15
    • I am not North American and my family shared at least one meal a few times weekly.
      4
    • I am North American and my family sporadically shared meals.
      7
    • I am not North American and my family sporadically shared meals.
      1
    • North American and pretty much never share meals.
      1
    • Non-North American and pretty much never share meals.
      0
    • It’s complicated/it changed drastically for various reasons.
      8
    • Other/please explain
      2


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Due to some statistics I just read in a book about French eating customs, I’m curious about this. Please answer according to how your family did or does this the majority of the time while you had growing kids. 

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When I was growing up we kids had to sit at the table and adults sat in the lounge watching the news. When I had kids, we mostly didn't have a table to sit at, and we spent so much time together, meals were a good excuse for introvert time.

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We always eat dinner together as a family unless someone can't for some reason (work or sports).  My son's ex-girlfriend thought this was "cute" because her family never ate dinner together.  It was like an occasion for them if they did.  I thought that was so strange because I assumed all families ate dinner together if possible.  That's the way my husband and I were both raised.  She loved our family dinners and ate with us often.

 

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Due to various scheduling issues our meal together is breakfast. Dinner 2 or 3 times a week, but that is more hit or miss.

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If my husband is working, then he eats dinner at our supper time (after 8pm). If he isn’t working, we have lunch and dinner together. Our country of origin is in SE Asia. It was the same for my family of origin as my parents had to work pass our dinner time usually as they did shift work. My FIL worked office hours and so expected everyone to wait as he was usually home before 6:30pm. 

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We try to eat a meal together every day. Sometimes we feed the kids early and have an "in-house date" to ourselves after they're in bed.

When everyone was home all day (and always really, really needing Mommy right now), sometimes meals were my introvert time. Not all the time, but once in a while as a sanity saver.

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Our situation is pretty weird. Dh works an overnight schedule. When the kids were little, it just didn't make sense for us to sit down to a meal together at a table because we weren't all on the same meal schedule and often weren't awake at once. And now that they're older, they don't get home until after 9 most nights. Getting a meal routine going that takes place at 9:30 pm is just bonkers. However, the kids and I nearly always eat a hot lunch together. But we don't sit at the table. We watch a documentary. So... it's a meal together, and we pause and discuss things... but it's not exactly like having a table meal together.

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I grew up eating dinner as a family most nights.  My DH grew up in a family where dinner was usually fast food or fend for yourself.  We’re working toward family meals amidst the chaos of toddlers.

Breakfast here is eat whenever, bc I have two who wake up ready to eat, one who needs to wake up first, and a baby who has to wait until I have the energy to clean up her mess.  I read aloud at lunch and eat after they finish.  Dinner is five nights a week family chaos at the table, one night pizza and a movie, and one night feed ‘em pb&j and enjoy a relaxing adult meal after bedtime.

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I’m chuckling about “introvert time.” I almost always feel this way about breakfast. I want to eat my little breakfast alone. 

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I voted that I am north american and we share at least one meal a few times a week.  

 

Truth is, after 17 years, what was true for a few years has since changed and then, changed again, and again.

 

So I voted for right now.  Right now it works out that we can share a family mean a few times a week.  Sometimes it's breakfast, sometimes it's dinner, it's mostly never lunch and usually, it's a weekend thing.  Sometimes it's a meal in front of the tv.  Sometimes it's at the table.  Sometimes it is at Chick Fil A and the kids go run off and play afterwards.  Sometimes it's at an extended family gathering like Christmas dinner.  AND.....the oldest is almost never included because she's living on her own now.   So, I am not even sure if that still counts as a family meal.

 

When DD23 was a kid, before the younger ones were born, we did a family meal and game night probably 3 or 4 nights a month.  Usually a Friday or a Saturday.  She loved it.  We aren't at a point where this works well with the youngers....though we are VERY close.  

Edited by happysmileylady
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Dinner was and is our family meal during the week.  All meals eaten together during the weekend by those who are at home rather than out doing something during meal time. We tend to eat at the dining room table if there are more than two people.  

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We eat dinner together as a family. That was always on my list of "things I'm going to do differently than the way I was raised". 🙂 Growing up, my family never ate together, not even on holidays.

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I grew up eating dinner as a family every night.  We often did breakfast together also, although not as often as we got into high school.  Weekend meals were together for anyone at home at meal times.  DH grew up with a dad that worked rotating shifts so he didn't have family meals near as often, but they would when it worked out.  After his mom went back to work they seldom had family meals except on special occasions.

DH and I started out married life with meals together when we were home.  He worked odd shifts and I was in school so we ate at odd times but still together for the most part.  After kids his shifts became more "normal" business hours and so we would have dinners together almost every night until kids were older and we were gone a lot of nights doing activities.  Lately we have been able to do dinner together a couple nights a week if we can.  The kids enjoy time to visit with DH and talk about their day.  It has been nice to have more nights at home as a family, especially since DD is going off to college in the fall.

Lunch during the week, however, has become my time out.  Kids know not to bother me at lunch time.  It is my time to decompress and be by myself.  It is their time to watch a TV show of their choice and relax.

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We almost always eat breakfast together as a family unless dh has to work early, and it is always a hot meal.  On the weekends, we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together unless someone has an activity.  On Sundays, we eat lunch with my family of origin and dinner with dh's family of origin.  

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Growing up, my parents worked nights, kids went to school days, so shared meals weekends only.

When the kids were little, we did dinner together every night. That changed drastically when oldest went into a scoliosis brace - she could only eat little tiny meals, so our routine kind of fell apart and with teens and their crazy schedules, it's never really come back together. 

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We eat dinner together when possible, but between DH's work schedule and mine, it's not most nights. DS and I always have lunch together though.

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35 minutes ago, Quill said:

I’m chuckling about “introvert time.” I almost always feel this way about breakfast. I want to eat my little breakfast alone. 

 

My husband is amazing and gives me breakfast in bed every single day. This started a little after our second was born, and I begged him to give me a cup of tea and a little toast before I jumped into the day. Just a few minutes by myself to regroup, build up strength to face the day (later it turned out that one has autism, and now it looks like the other might have it too....extra challenges in those early years, kwim, and Dear God do I even know what neurotypical childhood looks like?!).  It just kind of continued. Every now and then I mention that hey, maybe I don't need this anymore, but breakfast has become this thing that he really likes to do for everyone. 

Did I mention he's amazing? 

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The kids and I have always shared three meals a day at the table unless something caused us to do otherwise.  There have often been gadgets though (mine, sadly).  DH just recently started eating dinner with us.

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Almost every single night, yes. My oldest is only 13 so we aren't too deep into everyone having activities that might interfere with dinner. But I make a homemade dinner almost every single night. And for the last few years we've instituted "dinner chores" and everyone helps with clean up and picking up the rest of the house. It is important to me that we have that time together.

Growing up I remember Sunday dinners together because it was my job to set the table and make the koolaid. 😁 By the time I was old enough to remember, my mom was working full time. I know she came home exhausted at the end of each day. Either I just don't really remember eating weeknight dinners or we didn't really sit down together. But we never went hungry.

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I'm curious about what you learned about French eating customs?  (Especially since I may have an in-law from France in the next couple of years!)

My dh and I grew up always sharing dinner with our families (unless school sports, etc., interfered for part of the year), and we did the same with our kids.  I honestly assumed this was how most people did it.  I was taught that eating together is necessary for a healthy family!  It was weird and even discomforting for me to learn that not everyone did it this way -- haha.  

I've come to realize that you can still have a healthy family and not necessarily eat together.  BUT, I know that lives get so busy, that setting a time to be together every day can become difficult, and eating a meal together is a perfect opportunity to do that.

On the other hand, breakfast always seems like a time to just be alone and wake up in our own way.  🙂  

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4 minutes ago, J-rap said:

I'm curious about what you learned about French eating customs?  (Especially since I may have an in-law from France in the next couple of years!)

My dh and I grew up always sharing dinner with our families (unless school sports, etc., interfered for part of the year), and we did the same with our kids.  I honestly assumed this was how most people did it.  I was taught that eating together is necessary for a healthy family!  It was weird and even discomforting for me to learn that not everyone did it this way -- haha.  

I've come to realize that you can still have a healthy family and not necessarily eat together.  BUT, I know that lives get so busy, that setting a time to be together every day can become difficult, and eating a meal together is a perfect opportunity to do that.

On the other hand, breakfast always seems like a time to just be alone and wake up in our own way.  🙂  

The book is called French Kids Eat Everything. (Although I do think that is overstating the case a bit, but in contrast to her own picky North American kids, I’m sure it seemed like everything.) 

The statistic was about how French eating places a major emphasis on convival meals. The author said 90% of French families share at least one meal each day, in contrast to 45% of North American families. 

It is interesting because a lot of what she calls the “French way” are things I did from Day One with my kids. And - maybe I just got lucky, but - my three kids do have good eating habits and ate many things not normally thought of as kid-friendly from an early age. 

This author is a fruitcake, though. I don’t find her likeable at all. 

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I said North American, usually at least one meal a day.

Generally, kids and i eat lunch together, and we all eat supper together unless someone is invited out to a friend's or something like that.  Sometimes the kids also eat breakfast together.

That's close to how I grew up, supper together most nights.  Until grade my 6 year my sister and I walked home and had lunch there, it was about four blocks from school.  After that I ate at school as did my sister.

I sispect a homeschooling board might not be in line with general demographics though.

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When the kids were younger we shared dinner together daily unless DH worked late or was out of town. Now we try to when we can but pretty much every week night and sometimes on weekends at least one kid has somewhere to be. So I instituted family night on Sundays as almost nothing was scheduled then. We always eat together and play games or bike or ski or something. Sometimes DH is out of town but Sundays we all can typically be home and I do refuse to attend most things at that time. I'm not losing a job over it or something but I still guard it.

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I'm the lone other vote.  We live in North America but I'm from England. DH works a lot out of town. When DH is home we eat at least one meal a day together, usually 2. When DH is gone it depends. We spend most of the day together so sometimes mealtimes in our house are everyone reading a book at separate tables while eating. 

Growing up I'd always eat before my parents unless we were eating out at a restaurant. They'd feed me around 5/5:30 and then they'd eat around 8 or 9pm. That's fairly common in Europe, however.

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1 hour ago, Quill said:

The book is called French Kids Eat Everything. (Although I do think that is overstating the case a bit, but in contrast to her own picky North American kids, I’m sure it seemed like everything.) 

The statistic was about how French eating places a major emphasis on convival meals. The author said 90% of French families share at least one meal each day, in contrast to 45% of North American families. 

It is interesting because a lot of what she calls the “French way” are things I did from Day One with my kids. And - maybe I just got lucky, but - my three kids do have good eating habits and ate many things not normally thought of as kid-friendly from an early age. 

This author is a fruitcake, though. I don’t find her likeable at all. 

I like the "convival" meals idea.  I also like the idea of expanding on that (at least how we North Americans might interpret it), and not even having it just immediate family, but also whoever happens to be around joining in.  🙂  I think that's more common in a lot of other cultures.  I'm surprised that only 45% of North American families eat a meal together regularly. 

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We used to eat together (kids and I) for about 15 years or so. 

I burned out on running the dinner conversation. 

I ate at the table with family almost every single meal of my childhood/teen years, and honestly, my main memories are my mum sighing, and my sister gettting upset/having to stay back at the table to eat her meat. So I decided that we were fine to spent the next decade eating and reading, eating and watching TV, eating and whatever, and that family dinner was over rated.

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I chose the first option.  Roughly 5 nights a week on average, we eat dinner together.  But sometimes I am upstairs working and telling my kids to scrounge whatever they want to make.  Sometimes they are on the road between activities, grabbing drive-thru.

Well, I might have to amend my comment.  We don't necessarily all sit around the table at the same time.  Like tonight, I ate with Kid 1 before she left for gymnastics, and then I ate something else with Kid 2 when she returned from horse riding.  Even if we are all home, one kid may arrive at the table late enough that the other kid is already done.  (I know, I am not strict enough.  It honestly doesn't bother me, as long as everyone eats.)

We are together at breakfast, but I'm not usually eating, so I'm not sure if that counts.

When I was a young kid, our norm was to eat dinner around the kitchen table - both parents and all the kids at the same time.  Exceptions were if a parent was working 2nd shift or going to night classes or similar.  As a teen, this was less common as everyone's schedule was different.  There was still one big meal cooked, and whoever was there when it was done ate together, and the rest was left for whoever came home later.

I spend other time with my kids that my parents didn't, though.  In the "good old days," dinner time was the only time kids were home when the weather was decent.  My folks didn't do read-alouds (for school-aged kids), homework help, attend kid sports, etc.

Edited by SKL
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We eat breakfast together every day, and even when my husband is at work, the children and I eat dinner together. Lunch is a free-for-all lol. Days my husband is off, we eat breakfast and dinners together, with sometimes lunch being together, sometimes not. 

But when I was kid, when we did have food in the house, I don't recall a single family meal. Even on holidays, people grabbed a plate and then just went elsewhere. My husband's family didn't really eat together either. When they did on holidays, it was strange on how none of them talked and just ate. I always thought there was chatter with meals. Now that I have my family meals, I realize it varies, because my children love to chat my ear off, taking turns in-between eating. 

Does make me wonder if this will change when they become teenagers. 

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6 hours ago, Kassia said:

We always eat dinner together as a family unless someone can't for some reason (work or sports).  My son's ex-girlfriend thought this was "cute" because her family never ate dinner together.  It was like an occasion for them if they did.  I thought that was so strange because I assumed all families ate dinner together if possible.  That's the way my husband and I were both raised.  She loved our family dinners and ate with us often.

 

 

We did as well. Always dinner and on weekends, breakfast and lunch as well. Dh cooked breakfast on weekends, lunch sometimes was a "pick whatever yourself" affair but we still sat at the table. I was the one who was big on eating together and still feel it is essential. Regrettably - IMHO - it's a disappearing custom among many younger people. Don't know if it makes a difference that I spent most of my childhood in Europe. We always sat around a table at Grandma's house, on vacation in Italy around long wooden tables adults on one end, kids on the other, similar up in Northern Europe. Don't know if this is more of a geographical thing or because it was the 70's and 80's. No electronics then, just conversation, giggling, kicking each other under the table, adults glancing over with raised eyebrows, occasionally something spilled but always fond memories.

Edited by Liz CA
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6 hours ago, Quill said:

I’m chuckling about “introvert time.” I almost always feel this way about breakfast. I want to eat my little breakfast alone. 

 

This is me to the point that I really don't like to go out for breakfast. Dh wanted to do breakfast the other day and I put him off to do lunch out. I need more time to gather my few brain cells together and sort all my limbs out. 🙂

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When I was growing up in the UK, we all ate the evening meal together at the table at 6pm.

When my kids were small, my husband was working long hours, so I fed the kids at 5, then bathed them and he was home for bedtime. Then he and I ate at 7.30 or 8. When his schedule improved, we all ate together in the evening.

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I voted the few times weekly option, but it’s not every week. “Sporadic” just felt a lot less than that. Between dh’s work, my teens’ joint and seperate activities, and my younger two’s weird eating patterns, we can wind up going a week with one or zero full family dinners, or we can wind up with quite a few days in a row.

Breakfast and lunch are almost always free for alls.

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We eat dinner together every night, almost without exception. Sports are after school and DH has a regular work schedule so we don't have any time conflicts.

When we homeschooled, DS and I ate all our meals together. On weekends we all tend to eat our meals together.

Both DH and I were raised this way.

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Growing up -- we ate lunch and dinner as a family. Whoever was up for breakfast also ate together (farming family). My dh's family ate all three meals together.

Now -- we eat breakfast with whoever is here. My dh goes to work super early and sometimes older children have college classes or work, so they eat alone. Sometimes lunch is together, but not usually. Dinner is ALWAYS together (with anyone who is home) and we accommodate our meal schedule to include as many as possible. We work around sporting events, outside classes and social engagements to gather as many of us as possible and sometimes we eat waaay early and sometimes we eat waaaay late. I think it's really important, so we fight to hold onto that time. We also have devotions and prayer together whenever we eat together. 

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My kids and I eat lunch together daily, but usually in the living room, in front of the tv. 

On nights that DH is home (about half the week), we either eat at the table together or (if I have a project or junk covering the table) we eat in the living room. 

 

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1 hour ago, mom@shiloh said:

Growing up -- we ate lunch and dinner as a family. Whoever was up for breakfast also ate together (farming family). My dh's family ate all three meals together.

Now -- we eat breakfast with whoever is here. My dh goes to work super early and sometimes older children have college classes or work, so they eat alone. Sometimes lunch is together, but not usually. Dinner is ALWAYS together (with anyone who is home) and we accommodate our meal schedule to include as many as possible. We work around sporting events, outside classes and social engagements to gather as many of us as possible and sometimes we eat waaay early and sometimes we eat waaaay late. I think it's really important, so we fight to hold onto that time. We also have devotions and prayer together whenever we eat together. 

That’s what we’ve always done, too. We have always eaten dinner later, sometimes much later than typical Americans. We rarely eat dinner earlier than 7:30, and in some seasons of life, 9ish was typical. I don’t even enjoy eating dinner as early as six or so, because there’s all this “dead” time afterwards and I end up with the munchies. 

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So I voted we almost always had a daily meal together, but my dad may or may not have been with us. He was military and sometimes he was on assignments without us. But everyone at home ate at least one meal together daily.

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When I grew up we ate supper together everyday.  

We do the same most days in our home too, but on the weekends it might be breakfast as well or instead of supper.

 

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For the most part, dinner was whichever of the parents was home that evening with the kids.  DH and I each work one night per week during the school year.  In the summer, however, I might have three weeks in a row where I am working every night.  Then, we might be travelling for a month at a time where we ate every meal together for the month.  I think that meals together serve two purposes--talking to your children and modelling good eating habits.  In seasons in our lives where it was difficult or us to eat together, I tried to make sure that I had other opportunities for conversation (during a drive, over a cup of hot cocoa, taking a walk) and also that good food choices were available

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When our kids were growing up, we always ate dinner today and many times breakfast.

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North American.

My husband works from home, so we expect to eat together at the dining room table at least once a day.  We usually eat lunch and dinner together, but sometimes we watch TV while we eat one of those meals. If he has a telecon or is just swamped he eats in the office upstairs while daughter and I watch a Great British Baking Show. It used to be Veggie Tales or Phineas and Ferb or Penguins of Madagascar.  Sometimes, when the meal doesn't involve cutting up meat or juggling a salad and dinner plate we'll watch a show as a family during dinner.  Right now that's Chuck.  It used to be Firefly.

I do intermittent fasting 16 hours and eat in an 8 hour window because that's what I'm naturally inclined to do. I don't eat breakfast. Husband eats when we wakes up at 5am, which just happens, he doesn't plan to get up that early. Daughter eats around 8am. Lunch is between 11 and 1, usually 11:30, dinner is between 5 and 7, usually 6, but I need flexibility within structure.

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I picked the first choice because you said when your kids were growing up.  Up until they had cars and jobs we ate dinner together every night almost.  

Now it is different.  They are almost 18 and just turned 19 and we usually eat together about 2-3 times a week.  At the table. 

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First option. 
Breakfast is mostly everyone on their own, but there are usually a couple of people at the table at one time. Just not everyone. 

Lunch is usually me and the kids eating together. Now that my oldest is often working independently during the day, lunch is the time we all come back together. We read aloud, play a game or watch something on TV (currently old Amazing Race seasons). 

Dinner is almost always almost all of us. It’s gotten harder to do that as there are more activities. Mondays I work and the kids and dh actually have a long standing tradition of having dinner with extended family. This used to be dh’s father, all three of dh’s siblings and the kids’ four cousins. As time has gone on that is now usually just dh’s siblings and occasionally a cousin if they are in town. The other nights of the week, I’d say 3 are typically all of us and 3 are most of us but someone might be out at an activity and have eaten early or will eat late. 

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We generally eat lunch and dinner together.   My boys eat breakfast together without my DH and me.   Nobody here eats alone unless they are the only one in the house. 

 

 

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Breakfast is the only meal we regularly do on our own. Frequently 2-3 of us are at the table at the same time, but we just eat breakfast whenever we get up. 

Lunch is typically the kids and me.  Supper is all of us unless my husband is out of town. We try not to have activities during meal times, but when it happens the affected person may eat on their own or we may all eat together at a different time depending on the situation. I’m sure as the kids get older we will have to adjust.

Growing up my family always had supper together, on Sundays our grandparents and frequently aunt and uncle typically came over for the noon meal. In high school we had an open campus with an hour lunch so typically my sisters and I went home for lunch too.

One of the things my husband loved about my family when we were dating is that we all hung around the table talking when we finished eating. His family was much smaller and didn’t really do a family meal regularly during the week. Whoever was home first (parents or kids) would start cooking and whoever was around when it was done would eat together. Then the others would eat when they got home. 

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Until the past 2 years, I would have voted North American, one meal together daily. Now with older DC and their activities, it is one meal together a few times a week.

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On 3/13/2019 at 4:41 PM, Quill said:

Due to some statistics I just read in a book about French eating customs, I’m curious about this. Please answer according to how your family did or does this the majority of the time while you had growing kids. 

A homeschooling forum might have vastly skewed poll results compared with the rest of North America.

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Growing up, dinner time was the most stressful. It was really awful.  So even if we could have dinners together I probably wouldn't.  But we always have family time for 45 minutes before bedtime at night.  We can't do dinners most nights because we leave the house around 4:15 and get back around 9 during the week. 

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2 hours ago, KathyBC said:

A homeschooling forum might have vastly skewed poll results compared with the rest of North America.

Yes, I imagine that’s true. 

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