Put yourself in the parental role of each side of this neighborhood issue

[Hyacinth]

A group of 4 boys and 1 girl, all 13-14 years old, have been neighborhood buds for several years. They spend their afternoons playing basketball, tossing a football, hanging out in the garage listening to music and chatting. Typical stuff.

 

Recently, a 6-year-old girl moved in to the house next to the main hangout house. There are no kids her age in the culdesac and she has no siblings. Naturally, she wants to "play" with the older kids whenever she sees them outside. The older kids humor her for a bit but quickly tire of her immaturity and would prefer that she not be there. (She's not, how shall I say, an easy-to-ignore presence?)

 

If you were the parent of one of the older kids, how would you coach them to handle this? How about if you were the parent of the little girl?

 

(Assume that all parents in this scenario are friendly enough with one another if that matters.)

[ktgrok]

If I were the parent of the little girl I wouldn't be letting her bug them for long periods of time. I have a 6 year old and a teen, and it's just not fair to either of them. I'd step in and bring her home, or tell her they need big person time now, and I'd find something fun for her and I do to together. 

[JustEm]

As either parent I wouldn't feel comfortable with a lone 6 year old hanging out with a group of nonfamilial teenagers that I didn't know well. So I'd likely not allow my 6 year old to play with them and if I were the parent of the teen I'd encourage them to hang out elsewhere if the 6 year old parent continued to allow it.

[zoobie]

I'd tell them to tell the little girl they were playing a big kid game but maybe they would hang out another time.

 

Her parents need to tell her to stop bugging the other kids. That's a huge age gap and seems like they're dumping her for free childcare.

[Supertechmom]

I would just tell the parents that she is too young to hang out with them as 13-14 year olds have different needs than a 6 year old.  I have little kids and big kids and it isn't fair to the big kids to always have to deal with the littles.  As the mom of  a 6 year old, I wouldn't want her hanging around a group that much older.  As the mom of teens, I wouldn't want them hanging around a non sibling that young either.  Once in awhile is alright.  Everyday, I would say no.

[poppy]

If I was the parents of the little girl, I'd encourage her to be friendly but not bug them too much.

 

If I was the parents of the teens, I'd tell them to be nice to her , but that they are not responsible for babysitting her.  It's OK to tell a little kid "It was nice to see you! Go to your mom now. "

[NotSoObvious]

I would not want my 6 year old regularly hanging out unsupervised with 13-14 year olds. 

 

From your end, if the kids are in the street playing, I don't really think there is much you can do, other than tell your kids to go inside if they are tired of her. However, if they are in a garage or a home, it's perfectly acceptable for them to tell her she needs to go home. I like how Poppy put it, but honestly, I would feel obliged to be any nicer. At 6 years old she should not be attempting to enter other houses.

[maize]

Really it is the parents of the 6 year old who need to address this. Six is way too young to be hanging out with teenagers, and in my opinion too young to be out in the neighborhood unsupervised in general. 

[bettyandbob]

Agreeing. The parents of the 6 yo need to supervise and teach her not to try to play with the older kids. There's nothing wrong with the older kids expecting not to have to entertain her. It's not like the 6 yos parents hired one of the older kids to babysit. Expecting them to hang out is expecting them to babysit her.

[Hyacinth]

As you might've guessed, I am the parent of two of the older kids. I'm going to have to talk with the other mom because it's reached the point where my boys don't even want to go outside now if there's a chance the girl is home. And these are boys who NEED their outdoor activity.

 

My guys have used the talking points some of you have suggested (we're going to play a big kid game now; it's time for you to go home now, etc.) but, unfortunately, she's not receptive. Argumentative, in fact. (Which, in their retelling, is kind of amusing but not when it's your everyday life, you know?)

 

So I'm going to have to talk to the mom and ask for her help in this.

[SKL]

I would limit the time my 6yo spent with them, but not prevent her going over there.  I would lay down a rule that my 6yo asks me before she goes there, and when that happens, I say "you can go say hi for 5 minutes.  Come right home when I call you."  And at some point I would o talk to the kid who lives there, saying, "thanks for being a good neighbor to my 6yo, since she doesn't have any kids her age around.  I know it probably isn't fun for you and your friends after a point, so I won't let her stay long.  If you ever need her to go home before I call her, just tell her you're going to do big kid things now and have a nice day.  And I'll tell her that means come home right away."

 

If I were the parent of the teen, and the other mom was letting her hang out all the time, I'd suggest the following:

• Go for a walk while telling the 6yo she can't come because her mom didn't give permission.
• Go inside and shut the door.  If she knocks, tell her nicely that you have to do some work and can't play right now.
• Keep a kid-friendly solo activity handy and send her to play with it out front.
• Go ask the mom if she needs a babysitter, and offer your asking rate!

[marbel]

Really it is the parents of the 6 year old who need to address this. Six is way too young to be hanging out with teenagers, and in my opinion too young to be out in the neighborhood unsupervised in general. 

 

I agree with this.  Little girl's parents are not doing right by her or the  neighborhood kids. 

 

But the teens and the teens' parents have no control over what little girl's parents do.  So if they were my teens, I'd encourage them to be polite but try to find a kind way to say "you need to go home now." 

 

I might also try to talk to the parent(s) of the little girl.  Invite her over for coffee some morning, stop by the house when she's outside, or something, and say something like  "I appreciate that Little doesn't have any friends in the neighborhood, but she really shouldn't be hanging out with the teens.  Can you keep an eye on her and call for her when you see her with them?  They shouldn't be responsible for her when they are playing ball or whatever.  If you need babysitting, here is a local person you might call." 

 

Of course that depends on the relationships in the neighborhood, and is easier said than done.

 

[clementine]

As the parent of the 6 yr old, I would tell her that she can watch the older kids play their game as long as she is not bothering them or in their way.   I'd observe from afar for a couple of times to make sure she's following that suggestion.  

 

As the parent of one of the teens I would tell them that they could initially make very brief small talk and invite her to watch their game.  If she asks to join in, I would have them say 'We don't want you to get hurt, it's probably better for you to watch.'   I guess they'd be allowed to be more firm with her if she insisted on joining.  

 

That age spread is just to wide to work well when there are several teens playing a group game.  

[bettyandbob]

If they were my teens and going outside in the immediate neighborhood was an issue one option is give them is to ride their bikes to nearby parks.

[SKL]

I was trying to remember what my teen neighbors used to do when I was a little girl.  I seem to remember having them say, e.g., "do you know how to draw a horse?  You do??  Will you go draw and color a pretty picture for me so I can hang it up in my room?"  Me:  "OK!!! :)"

 

I had other young kids to play with, but it was still fun to go seek attention from the teen girls, who were usually super nice IIRC.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If they were my teens and going outside in the immediate neighborhood was an issue one option is give them is to ride their bikes to nearby parks.

 

This is what we would do. 

[Tess in the Burbs]

my little kids (4 and 6) used to go down the street to ask the 13 year old if she wanted to skateboard.  She would tell them later.  She would sometimes not come by.  And my kids learned not to expect to be part of her world.  If she came outside and set up her skateboard ramp on the street and my kids went to watch she didn't mind.  She even taught my oldest how to ride.  But if she wanted to hang with friends, they did it in her house and would just say no when my kids came calling.  My kids were told by me that they are not the same age, and sometimes they won't be able to play together.  

 

I think the teens need to be taught to be firm, but polite.  Sorry, we don't want to play with you right now.  Maybe tomorrow.  Sorry, not right now.  Bye.  Sorry, no, we are doing something right now, see you another time.  If the kid is being annoying after all that, maybe a teen needs to go say something nice to the parent....hey, we were hanging out and told your child we weren't interested in playing but they wouldn't go away.  Can you please explain sometimes we will play, sometimes we won't.  We are trying to be polite, but we need the child to be respectful. 

[zoobie]

As you might've guessed, I am the parent of two of the older kids. I'm going to have to talk with the other mom because it's reached the point where my boys don't even want to go outside now if there's a chance the girl is home. And these are boys who NEED their outdoor activity.

 

My guys have used the talking points some of you have suggested (we're going to play a big kid game now; it's time for you to go home now, etc.) but, unfortunately, she's not receptive. Argumentative, in fact. (Which, in their retelling, is kind of amusing but not when it's your everyday life, you know?)

 

So I'm going to have to talk to the mom and ask for her help in this.

 

If you're home and they're in your yard, you can go out and tell her it's time to go home. 

[Tsuga]

If she is not listening to their direct instruction, "This is my house. You need to leave now." Then she is not mature enough to play by herself in the neighborhood.

 

I'd suggest they bring her to her mom. "She wants to play but we're just hanging out and can't play with littler kids right now."

 

She will likely run off when they say they will bring her home.

 

I tell my clingy six year old that if she can't listen to the big kids when they say playtime is over, without crying, then she's not big enough to play outside in the neighborhood. So get your bike and stop whining about it. She usually does.

[FriedClams]

As a parent of two in the "teen" group, I'd talk to the little kid parent. "Your daughter is very sweet and friendly, but my kids are unsure how to handle her wanting to be included with the older kids. My kids feel like they have to be responsible and are babysitting or being rude not to include her despite their activities not being younger kid friendly, and it's leaving the older kids feeling very uncomfortable. I'd like for the older kids to be kind and friendly, and I'd love if we could brainstorm some ideas so we can teach them all how top get along well."

 

 

ETA- I'd also add that the teens have tried to be clear and polite, and she's been argumentative and won't leave. I'd also say that I'm uncomfortable with teen boys bring badgered by a little girl and the need for boundaries for all of them.

Edited March 1, 2016 by FriedClams

[luuknam]

Or possibly be blunt and tell the mom of the 6yo "Do you want your kid expanding her curse word vocabulary and listen to teens talking about sex and dating and wild parties and drugs and alcohol and all that? Do you want her to get hurt by basketballs/baseballs etc thrown too hard? No? Maybe you want to limit the amount of time your kid spends around the teens".

 

Obviously, not all of the above might apply to the teens mentioned above, but I might consider exaggerating if the 6yo is really bugging the teens too often and the parent is unwilling to do anything about it.

[Katy]

So many topics 13-14 year olds talk about are inappropriate for little kids. I can't believe it hasn't occurred to the parents to tell her not to hang out with them. I'd talk to the parents.  I'd also have the teens move to my backyard or basement or somewhere she couldn't just wander into for a few weeks to force some separation.

 

Frankly, I'd be worried the six year old would inadvertently be exposed to something extremely age-inappropriate if she kept spending time with them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah I don't think it is ideal for a 6 year old to be hanging out with 13/14 year olds.  But then I do feel for the 6 year old if there aren't other options. 

 

[ThisIsTheDay]

As you might've guessed, I am the parent of two of the older kids. I'm going to have to talk with the other mom because it's reached the point where my boys don't even want to go outside now if there's a chance the girl is home. And these are boys who NEED their outdoor activity.

 

My guys have used the talking points some of you have suggested (we're going to play a big kid game now; it's time for you to go home now, etc.) but, unfortunately, she's not receptive. Argumentative, in fact. (Which, in their retelling, is kind of amusing but not when it's your everyday life, you know?)

 

So I'm going to have to talk to the mom and ask for her help in this.

 

I wouldn't leave the responsibility up to the teenagers.  As a parent of a teen, I would step in and tell the little girl very directly:  "Hi, _______.  I want to tell you that you need to go home or somewhere else to find someone to play with.  These kids are too old to be playing with you."

 

She will not listen to them because she sees herself as their equal.  She would not see me that way.  (Believe me.)  If she argued with me, I would repeat, "Yes, I'm sorry. They are too old to be playing with you, so you'll need to go."

 

Good luck with the mom.  She either already knows what her kid is up to or does not care. Really, what sort of parent thinks it's okay for a 6yo to hang out with a bunch of neighborhood teenagers?

 

 

 

 

[EmilyGF]

Time to bike to the park or stand out in your yard and tell the girl to go home. :-(

 

I'm suspicious that the parents of the 6-year-old don't care (just wants free time/free babysitting) if she lets her young child hang out with such older kids and that there likely won't be much you can say to her to make her care. 

 

We have a variety of ages on our street (14, 13, 11, 9, 8, 7, 4) and I have a rule that my kids (who are the 11, 9, 7, 4) have to come in if the 14 and 13-year-olds start talking because it always ends poorly. They do play soccer and sardines together sometimes, though, with some success and for short periods of time (20 minutes or less).

 

Emily

[JFSinIL]

I like the idea of presenting the mom with a paper detailing the teen's babysitting fees. You and your boys can go present this to the mom and state that while the boys can't really pay close attention while doing teenage stuff with their teenage friends, but if an afternoon or evening of  babysitting is needed, here are the rates.  The when the mom gets flustered "What? No, Susie is just outside playing"  you speak up (pretend to be confused) "Oh, we thought you sent Susie over to be babysat by Mutt and Jeff here, why else would a six-year-old be sent to be with teenagers?"  :-)

Edited March 2, 2016 by JFSinIL

[OneStepAtATime]

As the mom of two of the teens maybe you could invite the mom for coffee, and share with her that you realize there are no other kids the little girl's age in the neighborhood and she seems lonely. Sympathize with her and her little girl. Maybe you could then offer her a list of kid friendly places she could take the little girl to go play, offer her a list of babysitting rates for your teens, and possibly make some suggestions for other ways the mom can help the little girl find friends. Girl is probably an extrovert, she is apparently an only child, and Mom may be exhausted trying to keep her entertained. Giving her some neighborly support might help her realize she needs to be more proactive in finding friends for her child while also helping her feel more welcome in their new neighborhood. Opening lines of communication in a positive way means if this continues to be an issue later on she may be much more receptive to stronger requests for the girl to stop bothering the teens.

 

Good luck and hugs.

[Ellie]

I wouldn't leave the responsibility up to the teenagers.  As a parent of a teen, I would step in and tell the little girl very directly:  "Hi, _______.  I want to tell you that you need to go home or somewhere else to find someone to play with.  These kids are too old to be playing with you."

 

She will not listen to them because she sees herself as their equal.  She would not see me that way.  (Believe me.)  If she argued with me, I would repeat, "Yes, I'm sorry. They are too old to be playing with you, so you'll need to go."

 

Good luck with the mom.  She either already knows what her kid is up to or does not care. Really, what sort of parent thinks it's okay for a 6yo to hang out with a bunch of neighborhood teenagers?

 

:iagree:

[Haiku]

If I were the parent of the 6 year old, I would never let her hang out with a group of 13-14 year olds. The parents are either dense or looking for free childcare.

 

I would tell the parents of the 6 year old that the teens are not free babysitters and that they need to keep their child at home. NIcely, of course. :D

[Carrie12345]

I don't have any comfortable solutions to offer.  I've actually had moms approach ME to discuss how my tween/teen girls and their friends were having "inappropriate" tween/teen conversations around the little girls.  I don't even remember what my response was.  Maybe "Oh."  I don't think they like me much now, but they haven't brought it up again.

 

My kids have every right to behave like tweens/teens, which may include politely entertaining younger kids once in a while, but not as the norm.

[JonesinIndiana]

I agree that the parents of the 6 yr old are using the teens as free babysitting. I think the teens have been much more polite than I would have, at that age. It's time to talk to mom. I also think this might be the start of some problems with 6 yr old "sassy pants" if she's arguing with teens that she wants to hang out with.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I don't have any comfortable solutions to offer.  I've actually had moms approach ME to discuss how my tween/teen girls and their friends were having "inappropriate" tween/teen conversations around the little girls.  I don't even remember what my response was.  Maybe "Oh."  I don't think they like me much now, but they haven't brought it up again.

 

My kids have every right to behave like tweens/teens, which may include politely entertaining younger kids once in a while, but not as the norm.

 

We had the same here. The mom to 4 and 6 year old girls told my teenager and 5 of his friends (who were playing rough 3 on 3 basketball in my driveway) that they were being "mean" and had to "learn to take turns with the ball"  when her daughters wanted to play with them.  My son told me about it later and I just couldn't believe it. 

 

OP, be prepared for unreasonableness.  It is obvious this mom is looking for free entertainment for her child.  I would approach the other moms of the teens and see if you can come up with some solutions - let the kids play inside for a bit, or a fenced back yard, or a nearby park (although I realize this isn't possible in all areas). 

[KungFuPanda]

If the teens are out in front of her house on a cul-de-sac, there's not much you can do. They'd have to move their activities to non-public space before asserting any rights to ask her to leave. Luckily, as older kids, they have more range of movement. I think I'd encourage them to throw her a bone and play for 20 minutes, then send her home. If she won't leave, escort her home and tell the parents "We're hanging out and don't want to babysit right now, but she's not getting it."

 

That's a tough one. I wouldn't let a six-year-old of mine bug them for more than a few minutes, but I also wouldn't want to put a brand new neighbor on the defensive if it could be avoided.

[catz]

I don't have any comfortable solutions to offer.  I've actually had moms approach ME to discuss how my tween/teen girls and their friends were having "inappropriate" tween/teen conversations around the little girls.  I don't even remember what my response was.  Maybe "Oh."  I don't think they like me much now, but they haven't brought it up again.

 

My kids have every right to behave like tweens/teens, which may include politely entertaining younger kids once in a while, but not as the norm.

 

:iagree: This is a hot button item for me now.  I help run a couple homeschool things for olders and I'm so tired of hearing how someone's younger precocious kid should be included.  And then later if one of those kids is included there is complaints about how there were kids kissing, swearing, talking about M video games or dating, etc.  We have laid down the hard line on some age limits of stuff.  Most of our older teen homeschoolers WERE those precocious younger kids a few years ago.  Your gifted 9-10 year old is not a peer with my 15 year old who by the way is also is HG/PG just because they can get through a Dickens book. 

 

If the kids are playing at your home, I would just tell her to go home.  I might give the mom a heads up that your teens are uncomfortable with the 6 year old trailing them.  I think that is incredibly poor parenting anyway if a 6 year old is allowed to free range with 13/14 year olds so I wouldn't feel bad about it.  Heck, I have a newly 15 year old whose friend group is 13-16 and I don't want my 11 year old running with them all the time.

 

[Laurie4b]

I can't imagine allowing a 6 year old to hang out with a group of 13-14 year olds. She could get hurt from their larger bodies in a basketball game and let's face it, 13-14 year olds are interested in topics that I wouldn't want a 6 year old to be gaining knowledge of through that means. It might be different if she were the younger sib of an older sibling who watched out for her, but she's not. 

 

I don't know what I would tell the older kids. Perhaps to tell her during sports that they are afraid she will get hurt. (Even standing on the sidelines, a 14 year old boy's body with momentum could flatten her.) And if they are hanging out indoors, I would suggest that they be discreet about whose house they are in. If she comes to the door, there is no need to answer. 

 

I don't know that I agree with the "play with her for a few minutes" thing. I think that would encourage the situation, though I understand that it is an attempt to be kind.  

 

(ETA: After reading about her arguing, I am no longer ambivalent about this. They shouldn't do it. Instead, I think they should immediately leave any situation in which she shows up. They could have a code phrase or something, "Oh, it's time to go inside." they don't have to make it about her, but just do not reinforce her in any way.  They don't even need to talk to her directly, just go inside and then don't answer the door. (It's like not giving attention for inappropriate behavior.)  I would actually be concerned about liability. The girl could get hurt by a 14 year old boy's body with momentum flying out of boun ds even if she was standing on the sidelines. And a girl who has the gall to argue with teenagers might also be the kind of child who would make things up in revenge. A mother who allows her 6 year old to play with teens is also not the most trustworthy person in my book. )

 

 

 

If they wanted to, one or more of the teens could let the mother know they are interested in babysitting or being a homework helper or something and how much they charge. 

 

 

ETA: I posted before I had read the other responses and before I knew that the girl argues. I thought she was a "nice little girl" who was bugging them. 

 

 

 

Edited March 2, 2016 by Laurie4b

[LMV]

A group of 4 boys and 1 girl, all 13-14 years old, have been neighborhood buds for several years. They spend their afternoons playing basketball, tossing a football, hanging out in the garage listening to music and chatting. Typical stuff.

 

Recently, a 6-year-old girl moved in to the house next to the main hangout house. There are no kids her age in the culdesac and she has no siblings. Naturally, she wants to "play" with the older kids whenever she sees them outside. The older kids humor her for a bit but quickly tire of her immaturity and would prefer that she not be there. (She's not, how shall I say, an easy-to-ignore presence?)

 

If you were the parent of one of the older kids, how would you coach them to handle this? How about if you were the parent of the little girl?

 

(Assume that all parents in this scenario are friendly enough with one another if that matters.)

 

If I was a parent of one of the older children, I would tell them I expected them to be kind (and in the event of some emergency help to the best of their ability) but I would not expect them to play with or entertain the six year old. I would also have no problem calling one of the parents of the six year old if she showed up on our property without supervision and or an invitation.  My expectation would be that the parent come and collect their child. Now if the six year old is technically on her family's property then I would encourage my children to just ignore her. They can get involved in their basketball game and focus on that. If she wants to watch their game from her driveway or lawn well that seems fine. If she was my child I would probably offer her something a bit more active to engage in but that may be my bias and I am thinking of a child in the extended family who would just sit and watch his older cousins play pick up soccer and he was apparently really taking it in and learning. It worked for him, he is playing in college now.

 

I actually do have a daughter who recently turned six. I don't allow her to just wander the neighborhood. She does play with some of the neighbors' children but these are generally arranged ahead of time play dates.  We do have some spontaneous play if we meet up with kids at the playground in the park within our neighborhood but then I, her dad, and or one of her older siblings are around supervising at least within line of sight and if it appeared she was bothering others we would step in and redirect. Our daughter does have a few older at least quasi-friends because they are involved in sports with her but I think that dynamic is a bit different (also these kids are older in the sense of being eight or nine not teenagers). Additionally, since she has several significantly older sisters (who are currently twenty, sixteen, and eleven) sometimes she will be included in an activity with them and their older friends but this is because she is their sister and they are choosing to intentionally adapt a bit to allow inclusion of younger siblings (and sometimes little cousins we have a pretty close knit extended family). I think it is great when I see my kids do this because I love to see the connection and bond they have, however, I do not expect them to do this all the time and have no problem reminding their little siblings that they can't join into all activities.

[Dmmetler]

We're in a co-op group where DD, at 11, is the youngest girl, with the rest being 14-17, and I don't expect them to include her socially. They do occasionally (the 17 yr old, especially, really seems to enjoy taking DD shopping and helping her make fashion, hair, and makeup choices-and she's good at it), but there's just too big of an emotional gap between them for DD to fit in with them on a regular basis. DD has gotten good at reading the tone of voice that expresses "well, I guess you can hang out with us, because I don't want to be mean and say no and leave you stuck with my annoying brother" and the enthusiasm when they really do want her around, and it's taken active modeling and teaching for her to learn that skill. At 6, she couldn't have done it, and it's truly asking a lot for the teens to be able to let a 6 yr old down gently in a way she'll understand. Mom needs to step in here and find someone or something else for the 6 yr old to do.

[Pen]

I would find out what the laws in your area are regarding use of the cul-de-sac, expectations about supervision for 6YO's and so on, so as to have more info before talking with the 6YO's parent. I'd also look at what options exist, such as basketball hoop being on some teen family's property, perhaps as far as possible from the 6YO's house, instead of on the street (if that is the case), whether they can bike away from the street to a park or elsewhere to play, and so on.  I'd be concerned about liability issues if the 6YO gets hurt, or about her being touched by a teen in a way that could be thought to be sexual, and would try to stop any interaction until something suitable could be figured out.

 

If the hoop is in the street and cannot be put elsewhere and there is no where else to go, I think the 6YO's parent needs to be outside with her to keep her away from the teens during the overlapping playtime so as to supervise and ensure her safety.  It could also be phrased as liability the other direction--that you could be concerned that bec. of the little child being present unsupervised it will cause one of the big kids to be hurt in the process of trying to avoid the little kid.

 

However, unless the laws in your area are such that it is the right of the big kids to have access to the road, and not the little kid's right, I don't think you can make her go inside away from them when they are playing if they are all on public land and your area does not specify that children under a certain age cannot play without a parent present. 

[amy g.]

It is pretty obvious that the parents of the 6 year old are not interested in entertaining/supervising her more.

 

If I was a parent of the older kids, I'd have them play in the back yard or at the park.

[lovinmyboys]

I do think that is a problem. As others have said, if they are all in the cul de sac or other public land, she probably has as much right to be there as they do.

 

I would try to talk to her parents and nicely explain the situation. Hopefully they will work with you.

[Xahm]

I would make sure the teens each knew not to be alone with her and I would try to talk to the mom in a problem solving capacity over tea, as described above. The mom could be taking advantage, or she might be clueless, thinking "wow, these are the greatest, nicest teens of all time. I'm lucky they are such good friends for my little girl, who needs friends so badly."

[Pen]

Are there "safe" things the 6YO could do, like stay on the sidelines during basketball and retrieve balls that go foul up onto front yards? Or be a line referee for soccer watching to see if anyone goes past the proper boundary, or handles the ball with hands or that sort of thing? So she might have a role, but not be in the midst of the rougher teen play?

[ThisIsTheDay]

Are there "safe" things the 6YO could do, like stay on the sidelines during basketball and retrieve balls that go foul up onto front yards? Or be a line referee for soccer watching to see if anyone goes past the proper boundary, or handles the ball with hands or that sort of thing? So she might have a role, but not be in the midst of the rougher teen play?

 

But why should she?  No one wants here there, and they are not babysitting.  It's not their responsibility to entertain her, to find other things for her to do, or for them to let her be there anyway.

 

"Rough play" is irrelevant.  She is 6.  They are young teens.  It is inappropriate for her to be hanging out with them, or even trying to.  And the teen should not have to hang out somewhere else.  It is entirely appropriate for an adult to tell her to go somewhere else, even if they are on public property, hanging out on a sidewalk or middle of the culdesac.

[barnwife]

But why should she?  No one wants here there, and they are not babysitting.  It's not their responsibility to entertain her, to find other things for her to do, or for them to let her be there anyway.

 

"Rough play" is irrelevant.  She is 6.  They are young teens.  It is inappropriate for her to be hanging out with them, or even trying to.  And the teen should not have to hang out somewhere else.  It is entirely appropriate for an adult to tell her to go somewhere else, even if they are on public property, hanging out on a sidewalk or middle of the culdesac.

If they are on public property, the 6 yo has as much right to be there as anyone else. It doesn't matter if others want her there. If she wants to be there and her parents are okay with it, she can be there. If you don't like others in your space, head to a private place. That is, if the teens want to be alone, they may have to head elsewhere.

 

Their right to be in a public place doesn't trump the 6 yo. 

 

If it were my 6 yo, I'd have him come back to our yard. I'd tell a teen to be polite, but other people get to use public spaces too. If they don't like someone who joins them in a public place, they may choose to hang out elsewhere. (Disclaimer...our oldest is only 5.5, so I may change my mind in 10 years.)

[Tsuga]

We had the same here. The mom to 4 and 6 year old girls told my teenager and 5 of his friends (who were playing rough 3 on 3 basketball in my driveway) that they were being "mean" and had to "learn to take turns with the ball"  when her daughters wanted to play with them.  My son told me about it later and I just couldn't believe it. 

 

:mellow:

 

Honestly... the entitlement is stunning at times.

 

 

 

If they are on public property, the 6 yo has as much right to be there as anyone else. It doesn't matter if others want her there. If she wants to be there and her parents are okay with it, she can be there. If you don't like others in your space, head to a private place. That is, if the teens want to be alone, they may have to head elsewhere.

 

But they don't have to entertain her or deal with her. They are well, well within their rights to say, "We're playing together and this is a big kid game. You can be here but we're not going to answer your questions any more."

 

And just stop dealing with her.

 

Yes, if she stands in the middle and lays down so they can't play, they have to leave to avoid injuring her, I suppose, but that's still not their fault.

 

They have no responsibility to her other than not to injure her. And frankly, if she shows up every day with the sole purpose of disrupting their day (I can imagine this because I have such a six year old who needs to be reined in) then they have the right to complain to her mother.

[kristi26]

Any updates? I agree with all of the other posters. 6 is much too young to be outside unsupervised and to be hanging out with 13-14 year olds. Her mom needs to deal with it.

 

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[ktgrok]

I have a  year old and a 16 year old. We often go to teen events and I either drop off and pick up, or take my littles somewhere else. I do NOT expect them to entertain a 6 year old. The exception is on a playground...often we will be there first, then the big kids come on. In that instance I may step back and chat with the moms, knowing the teens will alert me if there is a problem (someone gets hurt, etc). So in that sense I'm letting them watch my kids, but really, they are just going to let me know if someone starts crying :)

 

And one of them is a sibling, so there is that. The teen girl often get a kick out of playing with my littles for a bit, but then they get bored and I take my kids away. 

[Murphy101]

I have no idea why is is even an issue.

 

Why can't the older kids just tell her to go home? Obviously I'd prefer they not be hateful about it, but I don't think teens telling a kid they don't want to play with them is hateful in itself.

 

I wouldn't care if they included her or not, but I don't think it should need any special handling or parental involvement either.

 

ETA: Obviously in a public space, they don't get to decide who can play in the area, but I still don't see why they have to play with her. Just say no and move on is what my older kids do and we've never had a problem.

 

eta2: I'm not sure age has anything to do with this. Being in a public place doesn't equal a mandate to interact with every single person there. Or anyone there. We've gone to playgrounds and my 7 yr old didn't want to play with other kids her age there. Maybe they were rude, maybe she just wanted to do her own thing, maybe she just wanted to play with friend that she was there to see. So what? That's okay too. I've never made them play with other people, but I've always tried to make them be kind either way.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Murphy101

[mamiof5]

I was also wondering if anything else had happened. I want to be sympathetic to the 6yr old, but I have no tolerance for sassy pants attitude. And yes, I wonder if her mom doesn't care, or just thinks the kids are being nice and playing with her? I wouldn't be OK with that if I was her mom. My 8yr old is friends with a soon to be 14yr old...but, this is a close friendship, they have known each other since mine was less than 1yr old. They still play and hang out together (they really have a brotherly relationship), but when our friend is with his teen friends my son has no business being there. They play football and talk sports, they also love building stuff together. It's neat to watch them. Had we JUST moved here...no way they'd be close friends

[mamiof5]

I have no idea why is is even an issue.

 

Why can't the older kids just tell her to go home? Obviously I'd prefer they not be hateful about it, but I don't think teens telling a kid they don't want to play with them is hateful in itself.

 

I wouldn't care if they included her or not, but I don't think it should need any special handling or parental involvement either.

 

ETA: Obviously in a public space, they don't get to decide who can play in the area, but I still don't see why they have to play with her. Just say no and move on is what my older kids do and we've never had a problem.

 

eta2: I'm not sure age has anything to do with this. Being in a public place doesn't equal a mandate to interact with every single person there. Or anyone there. We've gone to playgrounds and my 7 yr old didn't want to play with other kids her age there. Maybe they were rude, maybe she just wanted to do her own thing, maybe she just wanted to play with friend that she was there to see. So what? That's okay too. I've never made them play with other people, but I've always tried to make them be kind either way.

I get the impression they have asked her, nicely but directly... and she won't, and even give them an attitude