Put yourself in the parental role of each side of this neighborhood issue

[shawthorne44]

After you talk to the mom, I would give the mom's phone number to my kids.   Then tell them to call the little girl's mom to come get her every time.   

[Murphy101]

I get the impression they have asked her, nicely but directly... and she won't, and even give them an attitude

Well I'm pretty blunt.

 

I'd tell her to go home or leave them alone.

 

We have a couple kids like that in our neighborhood and that's exactly what I do with them when we have had enough.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I wouldn't leave the responsibility up to the teenagers.  As a parent of a teen, I would step in and tell the little girl very directly:  "Hi, _______.  I want to tell you that you need to go home or somewhere else to find someone to play with.  These kids are too old to be playing with you."

 

She will not listen to them because she sees herself as their equal.  She would not see me that way.  (Believe me.)  If she argued with me, I would repeat, "Yes, I'm sorry. They are too old to be playing with you, so you'll need to go."

 

Good luck with the mom.  She either already knows what her kid is up to or does not care. Really, what sort of parent thinks it's okay for a 6yo to hang out with a bunch of neighborhood teenagers?

 

 

I agree.  I would instruct the teens to tell her politely to leave them alone, and if she doesn't, to come and get the resident adult who could then escort her home (assuming she is trying to come into a garage with the teens).  If it's a public place, they are out of luck, but if she is being a nuisance, I would also have the teens come get me, and I would then escort the child to the parent and explain the situation.

 

 

I have no idea why is is even an issue.

 

Why can't the older kids just tell her to go home? Obviously I'd prefer they not be hateful about it, but I don't think teens telling a kid they don't want to play with them is hateful in itself.

 

I wouldn't care if they included her or not, but I don't think it should need any special handling or parental involvement either.

 

ETA: Obviously in a public space, they don't get to decide who can play in the area, but I still don't see why they have to play with her. Just say no and move on is what my older kids do and we've never had a problem.

 

eta2: I'm not sure age has anything to do with this. Being in a public place doesn't equal a mandate to interact with every single person there. Or anyone there. We've gone to playgrounds and my 7 yr old didn't want to play with other kids her age there. Maybe they were rude, maybe she just wanted to do her own thing, maybe she just wanted to play with friend that she was there to see. So what? That's okay too. I've never made them play with other people, but I've always tried to make them be kind either way.

 

The issue is that the girl isn't listening to the teens, she is staying and pestering them despite them politely telling her to go away.

[Murphy101]

A bit back one kid's mom came over after I sent him home and was in the front yard telling my kids they needed to forgive him (he was calling names and being way too rough and rude) and include him and give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean to do what he did.

 

I stepped out and said no they didn't. Because I said so and this was my house. No, we are not obligated to let him ruin every game. To call names and make demands. No, I am not obligated to let him toss his garbage all over for me/us to pick up. (He drives me NUTS leaving his Pepsi cans everywhere and bringing food over here and just dropping the wrappings wherever. Ugh!) He is forgiven already, but this is his penance - he has to accept that he made himself unwelcome here for a time.

 

She was rather shocked at me saying that and that's just too bad. She claimed he was just acting like "normal little boy do" and I should have some understanding for that. Um. No. I know all about normal and even a bit not normal little boys. The one thing they all have in common is I don't allow that behavior.

[katilac]

I think I'd encourage them to throw her a bone and play for 20 minutes, then send her home. 

 

No, that's like feeding a stray cat - you'll never get rid of her after you do that! 

[Pen]

What has actually happened? Did you talk with 6YO's parent?

[Hyacinth]

No update yet. The little girl wasn't around yesterday and it's raining today. I see the mom pretty regularly in our comings and goings, so I'm sure I'll have an opportunity to talk with her soon.

 

Thanks for all of the input. It helped me clarify my own position and frame how I can best communicate with the mom.

 

To clarify one point: The mom isn't sending her over. Her yard ends where our driveway begins so she's just *there* kwim? The older kids find her somewhat amusing at times but, as someone up thread surmised, she thinks she is one of them and, well, she is not.

 

I feel for her and for her mom. It can't be easy. We have a great little culdesac situation here and I'm not looking to create hostility or drama. I'm confident that the mom will be receptive to my concerns and we'll work it out.