S/O of Seeking Him Affairs Thread

[Reefgazer]

If your spouse died, would you be open to remarrying again?  I definitely would be open to marrying again.

[Lady Florida.]

I doubt I would marry again at my age but I'd be open to it. Also, not marrying again doesn't mean I wouldn't want the companionship of the opposite sex.

 

ETA: I voted that it depends, (in case it's not obvious from my post. :))

[The Girls' Mom]

I voted depends, leaning towards no.  I love my husband.  I don't particularly like being married.  I can't imagine wanting to give that much of my life to another person again.  I'm bull headed with quite an independent streak.

[annandatje]

I would definitely be open to remarrying.  However, I would insist upon continued separation of assets however that may be achieved, even if it results in living together without marriage.

[purplejackmama]

I remarried. :) it was a dark dark time in my time and I'm so thankful to have met my new husband. He brought a smile to my face when I thought I never could.

[happypamama]

Depends. I've been with DH since I was fourteen. I have no idea how to be a grownup without him. It would take a long time to get over that, even enough to consider marrying again. (Ack, dating. I skipped that whole phase. DH was The One immediately.). And who would want to raise someone else's five children? That would be strange.

 

But I'm also not even forty yet. I potentially have a lot of life left before me, a lot of time to be alone after my children leave home. I had my last baby at thirty-six, with no troubles; I could potentially have a baby in three or four years and not expect it to be terribly difficult, if a second spouse wanted a biological child with me. So yeah, I could see marrying again, I suppose.

 

Also, tbh, I have four boys. Neither of my brothers, nor either of my two BILs, nor my parents or ILs are very close. My daughter has her brothers to put on the "Dad face" for prospective dates and all, and she's old enough to remember DH and me together, but I would want my boys to have a male role model on a regular basis. So yes, I'd be open to marrying again for my children's sake. Plus, I don't like the idea of putting my small boys in daycare, so someone else to work would be good. (And I'd hope that DH would marry again at some point to make it easier for him to care for the children. He'd do a perfectly fine job, but I'd want him to be a little less stressed, and I'd want my babies to have a mother.)

[LucyStoner]

I don't think so. But I can't say for sure. I wasn't planning to marry the first time. Glad I did, but it wasn't something I planned for. I'm not religious and wouldn't consider marriage necessary.

 

I'd probably only marry again if I was going to have a child with a different person. And that seems excessively unlikely.

[AimeeM]

No, I can't imagine that I would be open to that. I know someone really can't say that until they've been there, but I simply cannot imagine a marriage outside of the one I have now. What's more, I have no desire to be with anyone else - ever.

[Wheres Toto]

I put no but I said the same thing after my divorce and here I am. :laugh:

 

I'm 45 now and I don't think I'd have the energy to date again.  I have no interest in dating again.  Sometimes I think about what it would be like to make all the decisions without having to consult or consider someone else. 

[Crimson Wife]

I wouldn't totally rule out the possibility. However, first I would explore a vocation as a nun if my kids were old enough to be independent but I were not too old to be considered for a vocation. My grandma's cousin was a nun who was also a physician. Her order ran a charity hospital in rural Guatamala and she was the medical director. I always admired her for her faith and ability to reflect God's love through the medical care she gave the needy. My own path I felt was marriage and motherhood, but if that season of my life were to pass and I were still middle-aged & healthy, I'd explore becoming a nun.

[Heidi]

I definitely would be open to remarrying. However I don't know how many men would want a wife that had six kids.

[Amira]

I think there is probably only one person in the world who could stand to be married to me, so if dh died, I think I'd be out of luck.

[Word Nerd]

I honestly don't know. There are so many factors involved in the decision to remarry that I can't say whether I'd be open to it or not.

[LMD]

I said depends. I wouldn't if my children were still young. I was dragged through multiple relationships of my parents, will not do it. I could see craving companionship when I have an empty nest.

My standards would be through the roof though!

Now that I've done a dozen years of marriage I'd sure be super picky before I let another guy get close.

[fraidycat]

Depends. I'd probably wait until I emptied the nest to think about dating. I'd most likely not get married again - at that point, without children to co-raise, marriage would be unnecessary, so I'd probably just opt for long term companionship if the opportunity arose.

[GinaPagnato]

I said "Depends" because I don't know that I could say "Definitely No."

 

I can't imagine wanting to invest myself that much into anyone else, other than my dc. Having said that, I guess there's no way to say for sure. I will say that as I get older it becomes increasingly unlikely. My kids are older and less needy, I have a better handle on who I am, including likes/dislikes, and while companionship is great, I'm not looking for another love affair, kwim?

[73349]

I voted Definitely No, even though it's not entirely impossible. (I also could be hit by lightning, you know?) I just can't see it.

[elegantlion]

Well ex isn't deceased, but I'm hesitant to even consider marriage. Dating, yes. Long term relationship with living together, maybe. Marriage? I don't know. It would have to be with someone who gives me the space to be me and doesn't place a huge amount of expectation on what it means to be a wife. In turn, I hope I would give them that freedom as well.  It would also have to be with someone I trust completely, so an established friendship before romance probably. 

 

I am hesitant to share my baggage with anyone, as I'm sure many people my age (late 40s) are hesitant to share theirs. It would be hard to be engage in setting up house with another person right now. 

[Halftime Hope]

I voted depends, leaning towards no.  I love my husband.  I don't particularly like being married.  I can't imagine wanting to give that much of my life to another person again.  I'm bull headed with quite an independent streak.

 

 

This exactly.  I think four or five good girlfriends and being involved in the lives of my kids and grandkids would be plenty.  These people you can walk away from, and more importantly, they you, when they've had enough. 

[Danestress]

I am not in that situation and never have been, so I really can't say. But I tend to think not. I have enough experience seeing how older women become caregivers to their husband. I really would not want that. My DH and I have decades of experience together - pretty much all good. We have grown up together. We made vows in sickness and health, and caring for him would be part of that - I adore him and owe him the very best - for him and our sons.

 

But I don't think I would sign up to marry an old guy and then risk being in that situation. Caregiving can be so draining financially, emotionally and physically. I have no illusions having seen my father decline into Alzheimer's. And even though there are no absolutes, it does tend to be women doing more of the caring. The older I get, the less likely it is I would remarry.

 

And anyway, I like being alone. I find it hard to share space. I know how lonely it can be for widows, but I don't think I would find remarrying a solutiin.

[Danestress]

I am not in that situation and never have been, so I really can't say. But I tend to think not. I have enough experience seeing how older women become caregivers to their husband. I really would not want that. My DH and I have decades of experience together - pretty much all good. We have grown up together. We made vows in sickness and health, and caring for him would be part of that - I adore him and owe him the very best - for him and our sons.

 

But I don't think I would sign up to marry an old guy and then risk being in that situation. Caregiving can be so draining financially, emotionally and physically. I have no illusions having seen my father decline into Alzheimer's. And even though there are no absolutes, it does tend to be women doing more of the caring. The older I get, the less likely it is I would remarry.

 

And anyway, I like being alone. I find it hard to share space. I know how lonely it can be for widows, but I don't think I would find remarrying a solutiin.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I chose depends.  I love my husband dearly and it would take a long time to even begin to imagine life with someone else.  Another obstacle is that I like being alone.  I love my family but if I had never met DH I could have happily lived my life single.  I had actually been married before so I have a huge distrust of marriage, I was (very) pregnant with our 2nd child before Jas and I got married.  I'm not religious and consider "marriage" to be a legal word, Jas felt differently so we got married.

 

I'd probably date, maybe.... the whole idea just makes me feel yucky. 

 

So, it depends but I'd say I'm leaning toward no especially since I'm past 40 now.

 

ETA: I would only consider it after my children are grown.  Many men wouldn't understand that my children come first and I've seen what harm a bad step-parent can do to a family and I wouldn't even want to chance it.

 

 

[Heatherwith4]

I've been married since I was 19. I love DH, and we have a fabulous marriage, an easy marriage.

 

However, for me to give up my independence that I haven't ever really had before, it would have to be a really, really perfect guy that I'm pretty sure doesn't exist. :). I would probably be good with a "companion," though.

[Pawz4me]

No, I don't think so.  DH and I have been married 25 years.  I don't think I'd care to break in another one and then potentially end up as a caregiver.  Plus I would be very, very leery of entangling all the assets DH and I have accumulated (and that I would definitely want going to our boys when I passed away) in another marriage.  I know there pre-nups and other ways around that, but marriage always brings with it financial/legal implications.

 

I might think differently if I were more outgoing and extroverted.  But I'm an introvert who's perfectly happy spending time alone.

[marbel]

I voted depends, leaning towards no.  I love my husband.  I don't particularly like being married.  I can't imagine wanting to give that much of my life to another person again.  I'm bull headed with quite an independent streak.

 

This is about how I feel.

 

This is my 2nd marriage and I love my husband; we have a good marriage and are well-suited to each other.  But if he dies before me, I seriously doubt I would want to marry again.  I lived alone for a long time between my two marriages, and I liked it; I think I could like it again. 

 

ETA:  I would not tell my husband I feel that way, and if I became terminally ill I'd encourage him to remarry as long as it was someone who liked our kids, and he protected their inheritance (not necessarily money but things from me/my family).   Actually I've already told him all that. :-)

 

[RKWAcademy]

I'd never say never.  However, I would likely not remarry, particularly while my kids are young.  I'd just be too worried about how it would impact my kids.  They are so attached to their dad.  I think if my father were still alive, he'd continue to be a male role model for them.  Plus, I'd likely move from our area to be near family right away.  That's a lot of upheaval in a kid's life.  After they were off to college, I'd be more open to a relationship but can't say I'd ever sign on for marriage again.  I agree with a PP, I'd keep assets separate and never have another marriage like I have now - true joined family with assets as one.

[Hunter's Moon]

I got married at 19, like a previous poster.

 

I don't know that I'd want to give up my independence if he did pass before me. I love DH dearly, but marriage is HARD (at least for me, being an extreme introvert).

 

My decision would also depend upon if we have children (as of now, we have none) and how old they were.

[creekland]

I think there is probably only one person in the world who could stand to be married to me, so if dh died, I think I'd be out of luck.

 

Ditto - and I voted definitely no.  I'm not really sure what I would do - quite possibly backpack the world or hang out somewhere near my guys where they settle and volunteer with a cause I support in the area.

 

I'm not really expecting to outlive him though, but one never knows.

 

I have told him I'm perfectly ok if he remarries and/or if he sails off into the sunset (he loves sailing and it's one thing he's more or less given up with "our" life).  

 

I just have no desire to have another guy in my life - or anyone as close as he and I have been for the past 27+ years (most married, some dating).  I love being married to him though and can't imagine life without him.

[BigMamaBird]

I answered Yes.

 

I wouldn't go out hunting for a new husband, but if I met a man who made me happy and got along with my kids I would be open to remarrying.  The big clincher would be his relationship with my children, assuming they were still in the home.  But other than that I would see no reason not to.

[Farrar]

I don't know that I would, but I'd be open to it. I like having a partnership with someone and I'm okay with marriage being one of the primary ways one gets that level of deep partnership. Now, I don't know that I'd find anyone as patient with me as dh is. But maybe. I sure hope I don't end up in that position though.

[maize]

Probably not.

 

If I still have kids at home, my life will be full enough. If the kids are grown and gone I think I would enjoy the freedom of being single.

 

I look forward to many more years with my husband as my companion, but I don't think I would go looking for another relationship if he weren't around. I'm a bit of an introvert and quite enjoy my own company.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't know.  I'm not hell bent against it, but I don't know that I'd want to bother with it. 

[Seasider]

It would take a really special man. I confess that after constructing the last 3 decades around the schedules of others, I'd probably embrace the freedom of just being on my own.

[Joanne]

I assume you didn't really mean to exclude unmarried members?

I voted other: I am not married, will never EVER marry again.

[Guest]

Who can say?? My mil lost her husband when she had 3 young boys. She remarried two years later. She was very lonely, he was a widower with 2 young kids, it was a good situation for everyone. They are still happily married. Never say never.

[liber]

I said no. If I still have young kids I would resent another person trying to discipline them. I wouldn't want my kids to think I favoured new husband over them and I would rather make decisions on my own. If I was a lot older and all my kids were grown I still wouldn't remarry. I would be too set in my ways to want to accommodate another person. I haven't seen this mentioned yet, but after being intimate with one person for so long I'm not sure I would be comfortable being intimate with another person. It would feel weird to me when I think about it.

[Crimson Wife]

The biggest hurdle I would have with the dating scene is finding a guy who has conservative views on s*xual morality (and understanding why I don't believe in casual s*x or cohabitation) but egalitarian views on women. I wouldn't want somebody who is patriarchal and who would expect me to quit the profession that I'm now spending a lot of effort and money to prepare myself for. But on the other hand, I wouldn't want a guy who treats s*x as recreation rather than an expression of love and commitment. I was really lucky to find DH as he wants me to be a true partner and not some little doormat on the one hand or object to gratify his lust on the other.

[Miss Peregrine]

I would not.

[sunflowerlady]

Probably not. Dating, male companionship, perhaps a serious relationship-yes. Marriage-not so much.

[Night Elf]

I said it depends. I can't imagine looking for someone to marry so the stars would have to be aligned for it all to come together. I say this because this is my second marriage. The idea of a third just seems overwhelming. I don't know if I'd want to put my faith in Lady Luck.

[BlsdMama]

If your spouse died, would you be open to remarrying again? I definitely would be open to marrying again.

Eight daughters. Unless I knew the guy from childhood, nope. Lack of trust issues.

 

Plus, frankly, I think I'd compare and nber two would have to be SuperMan to not be lacking.

[Hkpiano]

I voted it depends. I think I probably would eventually remarry but maybe not until the kids were out of the house. Even though I am only 30, I lost my uterus after youngest DS so I wouldn't be able to have kids with a new spouse. And it would be hard to find someone as awesome as my DH. We just clicked from the beginning, and even though we've had our ups and downs, it's been a totally different experience than being with anyone else (and I was married before....)

 

If I died, I would want him to remarry. And quickly. He should not be alone. As long as she was nice to my kids! And if she wanted kids, they should have them. That wouldn't bother me at all. As long as she was good to my kids. :)

[BlsdMama]

I assume you didn't really mean to exclude unmarried members?

 

I voted other: I am not married, will never EVER marry again.

Heard one of my cousins say that a few years ago. She became engaged to an awesome guy last week. ;)

[GinaPagnato]

You know what would be interesting? Finding out how men would vote.

 

I am willing to bet that while the vast majority of us women said No, or Depends, the majority of men would say Yes.

 

I think I read a statistic that said men are more likely to remarry after divorce or their spouse dying. That is absolutely what I've seen IRL, and while that's anecdotal, I imagine it's not far from the truth.

 

 

[8circles]

Depends.  I'd probably like to find a companion/long-term relationship but marriage wouldn't be the motivation.

[Audrey]

I don't know.  I would be open to a relationship, but marriage?  He'd have to be something very extraordinary.  I was never keen on the concept of marriage to begin with, but dh... it's a long story... he convinced me.  I have no regrets, but I doubt there'll be another one of those moments again.  I'm fine with that, though. 

[Guest]

If I were still young? Definitely. They'd have big shoes to fill, though. I find it hard to imagine me finding as solid a match twice in my life, but I'd definitely be open to trying :)

[hornblower]

quoting myself from the other thread

"I told my dh that I would never, never marry again & he got very offended. He's over it now (mostly) and we joke about it now but apparently I made it sound like the most horrific decision I'd ever made. I was a tad too vehement for his liking :lol:  Had to work hard to convince him that it was just that he was irreplaceable LOL

btw, I told him that he should definitely re-marry. Men alone don't do as well when they age...."

This New Yorker cartoon is pretty much me. (except it will be 'another' dog)

[creekland]

You know what would be interesting? Finding out how men would vote.

 

I am willing to bet that while the vast majority of us women said No, or Depends, the majority of men would say Yes.

 

I think I read a statistic that said men are more likely to remarry after divorce or their spouse dying. That is absolutely what I've seen IRL, and while that's anecdotal, I imagine it's not far from the truth.

 

My guy and I have talked about it - more than once.  He tells me he's absolutely not interested.  I've told him it's ok to keep his mind open and do it if he ever felt the right lady came along.  He enjoys the company of people far more than we more introverted types do.  I'd hate for him to be alone.  He's also a great guy probably deserving a better "wife" than I am.

[Orthodox6]

No.  Flat no.  Being married to the finest man whom I ever have been blessed to meet, I would not settle for anything less.  I am a strong woman, and can be happy with my life.  The question is akin to asking me if I want to acquire a replacement mother, now that my own has just died. 

 

My m-i-l was a widow for over thirty years and from every apparent clue was fulfilled and happy with her children, grandchildren, and friends. 

 

Were I coming from an abusive marriage or from some other type of suffering, my answer likely could be quite different.  I have no negative thoughts whatsoever about people who remarry after a happy marriage, or after an unhappy marriage.  We all are different.