Need to vent - don't want to confide in anyone in real life!

[Home'scool]

My daughters are 18 and 20. I homeschooled them for 10 years. Like a lot of mothers here I gave up a lot for them and did so gladly. And for the most part they are wonderful girls. But when they are bad I feel like I am the worst mother in the world because (a) they are treating me poorly so surely they think I suck as a mother and (b) the way they are acting makes me cringe that I raised such a child!

 

My oldest is home from college. I went to bed about 10:00 p.m. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and realized my daughter's bedroom light was still on. Sometimes she stays up late and sometimes she leaves to go over a friend's house after I go to bed. Either way is fine but I decided I should check on her. When I got up she was in her bathroom with the door open. I said "Honey, why are you up? It's 3:30?" I wasn't mad or anything, I just wanted to make sure she was ok. She says with an attitude to me "Because I want to."

 

I was really taken aback. I asked her why she said that and she said "I am just being honest." Again, just a snotty way of saying it.  I started to walk away and said something like "You could've just said you were watching tv or whatever." She closes the bathroom door and I hear her mumble something so I go back and ask her what she just said. She says "I said 'why don't you just go back to bed?'"

 

I hate when they do this -- it just hurts my feelings so much! She is the type that doesn't take criticism well, combined with "I am 20 and soooo independent living at college at my apartment with my friends and I am just being who I want to be!"

 

I went to bed and cried because I really didn't deserve that. My husband, bless him, got up and yelled at her but that just made her dig her heels in further. My sister and her two sons are coming over to stay for two days for Christmas and I am afraid she will give me more attitude in front of them. My sister's sons worship the ground she walks on. They would never think of mouthing off. But my daughters? Ho boy. The emotions and hurt feelings and attitudes swirl around on a constant basis.

 

I remember coming home from college and thinking I was too cool for my family and I am sure I gave my mother sass, but being on the other end of it stinks. I thought being a good mother would earn me respect but I guess not.

 

 

[happi duck]

(Hugs)

[Annie G]

:grouphug:

 

My 22 year old is home. She gave me attitude when I asked her to load the dishwasher. Really? At school (which we pay for, though she does have scholarships and work study) she has to make her own food AND clean it up, and you're going to give me attitude about loading the dishwasher?   So I know how you feel.  Sometimes adult kids are trying to find their way and it occasionally feels like they run over us with a truck while they're on the journey. 

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I'm sorry.

 

You're not alone.

 

:grouphug:

[Tsuga]

I hate it when my kids give me attitude.

 

That said, at 20... I would have had a hard time answering that question from my mom without sounding snotty, because the #1 question running through my head if she asked me that would be, "Why are you asking me this?"

 

I know your thought is, "because I love you," but honestly... I didn't get that until I had my own kids. She won't get it either. She's going to sound incredulous that you are treating her like your baby. She just will because she is incredulous. She will be until she has a 20 year old!

 

Hugs to you both.

 

 

My sister's sons worship the ground she walks on. They would never think of mouthing off. But my daughters? Ho boy. The emotions and hurt feelings and attitudes swirl around on a constant basis.

 

The mother-daughter and mother-son relationships are two totally different things.

 

Don't compare your daughters with sons. Wouldn't I love a son who loved me unconditionally, who thought the word 'mother' was the sweetest thing in the world, who would use me as a model for what he'd look for in a wife... instead of two girls who think they could do it better than I do. Wouldn't I ever!

 

But I am one of two daughters so I guess I deserve it. LOL!

[Peaceful Isle]

It has nothing to to with if you were a good mother.:( I'm sure you are an awesome mom. Kids are just self centered by nature. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Big hugs to you.

[Laurie4b]

It is not about you. It's about  the stage your daughters are in.

 

It will help if you are very vigilant about not letting yourself read anything about your self-worth, what they think of you as a mother, or anything else important into 20 something know-it-all sass. When you read into it, it makes you feel worse.

 

It's okay to ask for respect. (It's also okay to roll your eyes out of sight!) For instance, last night, "I was wondering if you were okay or sick or something. I wasn't trying to control your life. I would appreciate it if you would be respectful."

 

I think it's helpful to understand that if they were super close to you that they might feel an internal need to be more outward in their separation/independence seeking. It helps this stage a lot if you support their independence and make sure you are treating them like adults, even if they make decisions that you don't like. (Short of snorting coke in your living room or something--but that's not the kind of thing that your dd's are doing.) Ask for the same courtesies that a housemate would be given--that they say good-bye when they leave and let you know when they expect to be back, etc. We have found it helpful to phrase it that way: roommates need to know where you are, too, so they don't get worried or so that they know to call the police if something actually did happen. Our adult ds's are all okay with this.

 

And take heart: they will likely revert to your sweet daughters in a year or two.

[gardenmom5]

I will start by saying, I have four kids older than yours.  so, btdt with this age.  (including a really moody one.)

 

my grandfather would often yell at us if we didn't defer to grandmother.  it didn't ever win friends or influence people - it also never helped grandmother's case.  I actually came to have even less respect for her than I already did - and that wasn't easy.

 

she's 20.  20 yo's can be snots.   it is up to you as a parent to let her know - in plain language - she is being a rude snot, and if she wants to be treated like an independent adult, she needs to act like an indepenent adult - and that means acting civilized and being polite to other people (whether she wants to be or not.  that's what *adults* do- regardless of chronological age.  I've known 60 yo snots, and 15 yo civilized 'adults').  other people call that "maturity".

 

you can treat her as though she is an independent adult - by not taking her being a 20 yo snot personally.  you also don't have to do anything for her - after all, she wants to claim being an adult, she get's the responsibilities of adulthood.

 

 

[Jan in SC]

I'm sorry she hurt your feelings!

 

Gently, as you wanted her to answer- I'm just watching tv or something, she may have preferred that you asked if she was ok or needed anything. At 3 in the morning, everyone is tired and grumpy, so hopefully she'll have a better attitude today.

[Elisabet1]

With the living Hell my daughter has put me through lately, I just look back and regret that I did not sacrifice so much to home school. I wish I had not done so much or sacrificed so much for someone who treats me like this.

 

((hugs))

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

I don't think you should feel so badly over some thoughtless words spoken so late at night. No two people are ever going to be able to share a home without a few words rubbing the other the wrong way. I don't think you raised her poorly that she was a little short so late at night. If I can't sleep I am a real grump, because I am mad at myself for not being able to sleep and I am upset that I will be short of sleep the next day. I would not like to be judged by how I act in the middle of the night, lol.

 

I bet your dd's are lovely girls. Have a merry Christmas and enjoy your family.

[MicheleinMN]

:grouphug:

 

 

[Miss Mousie]

My kid is much younger, but:

 

Fantasy Me would say:  "you have two choices:  1, treat your hosts graciously; 2, stay elsewhere."

 

Real Me would probably say:  "how dare you?!  I don't deserve that." and continue to make a Big Stink about it until everyone in the house was up and suffering just like me.  And then I'd go to bed and cry.  :(

 

So, take heart knowing that pretty much any way you decide to proceed will be better than what I might have done.  Hugs to you, and I hope you are all back on track soon. 

 

[texasmama]

(((hugs)))  I understand, as I have a 19 year old moody dd.  I'm sure I was very unpleasant to my mother at that age.

[Carol in Cal.]

It's kind of a relief to see this here.  And that is all I have to say about it.

[Mergath]

:grouphug:   It's a phase.  I was the same way when I was twenty, and now me and my mom have a wonderful relationship, and I wouldn't dream of being rude to her like that.  Something about the combination of being a new grown-up with not yet being very mature makes people in their twenties act like a$$holes.  It has nothing to do with your parenting, honest.

[OneStepAtATime]

Hugs.  FWIW, I love my mother with all my heart.  She has sacrificed a ton for me.  I adore her.  But when she asks what I am doing or starts looking at stuff I just bought, or asks who I am talking to on the phone, etc. my hackles rise.  Is it rational?  No.  Is it fair?  No.  She just wants to be part of my life.  And now that I am an adult with kids of my own I get that and don't snap or get outwardly irritated (well, most of the time :) ).  

 

But part of me is still that child trying to make her way in the world and show that I don't NEED mom to be there and soothe things over or take care of me when I am sick or comfort me when I am upset, etc.  I actually still very much appreciate those things.  I really, really do.  But part of me still very much hates any implication that I NEED those things.  Her asking me implies on some level that I do need those things, that I am not capable of taking care of myself and my own family, that I am incapable of making adult decisions without her input.  She certainly isn't intending to imply that.  But she does.

 

Please don't take your daughter's reaction personally.  This is a hard stage.  She absolutely doesn't have the right to treat you badly, especially in your own home.  But she probably doesn't want "Mom" stepping in and asking what she is up to, in anything she is doing, no matter how lovingly the question was asked, since in a way it can inadvertently imply that you don't think her capable of making her own decisions, something a kid at college is going to resent.  

 

In the scenario you mentioned, I don't know what might have worked better.  Certainly at that hour, as others have mentioned, people aren't always rational or in the best of moods.  Perhaps, if you had any genuine concerns and felt you had to say something, next time, you could simply ask if she needed anything, without asking why she was up.  If she wanted to share why she was up, that would open the lines of communication without inadvertently implying she is not old enough or mature enough to make her own decisions regarding when she sleeps and when she is awake, KWIM?  I don't know.  Just a shot in the dark, really.

 

Huge hugs.  Being a parent has got to be the hardest job ever. 

[Kiara.I]

Remember that your daughter probably thought YOU were being snippy.  I mean, you didn't ask her if she needed assistance, you asked her why she was up.  Of COURSE the answer was "because I want to be."  She is now used to being independent at college, and hears your question as you asserting authority over her that you don't have, and she needs to remind you of that.  It's a delicate dance, but really...you might want to NOT check on her when you see a light on.  You know she's independent enough to be away at college--you can trust her to come get you if she needs help.

 

Regarding your sister's kids...I would be SHOCKED if they worship the ground she walks on.  Really shocked.  That doesn't seem age-expected, somehow...

[SproutMamaK]

I think this is pretty much what happened:

What you said:
"Honey, why are you up? It's 3:30?"
 

What you meant:
"Are you okay? Is something going on? Do you need help with something?"

What she heard:
"What sort of irresponsible person is up in the middle of the night? No decent people are awake at this hour, young lady!"

 

She's acting angry and defensive because she feels like she's been accused of something. You're upset because she's lashed out at you based on something you never meant to say. I'd try to explain to her that she asked out of concern that something was bothering her, nothing else, and see if cooler heads prevail once everyone is well-rested and can think objectively. However, it could be really hard to convince her that you guys weren't accusing her of something or upset with her when it was immediately followed her your husband going over and yelling at her. :/  That being said, my kids are significantly younger than yours and I've only ever been the angry daughter in this scenario, so take my opinion for what it's worth. ;)

[creekland]

FWIW, my parent's intelligence and character increased/improved so much shortly after my oldest son was born.  I'm not really sure how, but it did.

 

Many of my regrets in life are how I treated my mother in my youth.

 

We have a superb relationship now.

 

I hope that my intelligence and character increase once my oldest has kids too.

[crazyforlatin]

This is both a comforting and nerve-wracking thread, says a mom to a future 20-year old girl.

[Laurie4b]

I think this is pretty much what happened:

 

What you said:

"Honey, why are you up? It's 3:30?"

 

What you meant:

"Are you okay? Is something going on? Do you need help with something?"

 

What she heard:

"What sort of irresonsible person is up in the middle of the night? No decent people are awake at this hour, young lady!"

 

She's acting angry and defensive because she feels like she's been accused of something. You're upset because she's lashed out at you based on something you never meant to say. I'd try to explain to her that she asked out of concern that something was bothering her, nothing else, and see if cooler heads prevail once everyone is well-rested and can think objectively. That being said, it's could be really hard to convince her that you guys weren't accusing her of something or upset with her when it was immediately followed her your husband going over and yelling at her. :/  That being said, my kids are significantly younger than yours and I've only ever been the angry daughter in this scenario, so take my opinion for what it's worth. ;)

 

I think your conversation is pretty spot on, and I've been on both sides, remembering what I was like and dealing with kids that age now.

 

 

 

[Ravin]

My thought is, why put yourself in that position? Next time the light is on at 3:30AM, roll your eyes and walk on by. Feel free not to keep the house quiet all day while she's anti-socially trying to sleep past noon.

 

If you want to build an adult relationship, don't do things (even well-intended) that imply you still think of her as a little child.

 

Snotty/disrespectful tone by the light of day (and not when you've barged into her bathroom at 3AM) should be called out, the same way you would a visiting adult sibling.

 

However, her attitude and behavior are not reflective on you and your parenting. As many others have said, it's her not you.

[Halftime Hope]

My three range from 25 to 19 and include two bona fide night owls--it's in their genes, so they do come by it honestly.  I have done this dance many times just the way you did, and it rarely turned out well.

 

What I did learn, shockingly, was that my "neutral" face (it felt neutral to me, not angry), even when paired with non-judgmental words, was truly frightful! I happened to walk by a mirror in the wee hours, and I was shocked how angry and resentful I looked, just from the combination of smooshy, puffy, and wrinkly, added to squinting in the bright light.  Ye gods, no wonder they didn't respond well!  Add to that my being (usually) grumpy that they were up--foolish decisions and all that--it didn't end well.

 

I learned to say nothing and just let the chips fall where they may, for the most part.   Now and then--pretty rarely--I'll get up, issue an "I'm concerned that [fill in consequence here]" statement, and walk away.  Their choice.  But I will not tolerate snotty attitudes--that gets dealt with the following day.

[HS Mom in NC]

Did you go to one of those homeschool convention workshops or church parenting classes that implied you could parent the human nature out of your children? Those are a scam, you know. Why are people still attending those?

 

You have to stop personalizing things.  That's my number one piece of advice to most women in general.  When they finally learn to stop doing that they stop being emotionally manipulated or devastated by other people's bad behavior. My mother was very helpful on this subject but the bluntness of my family culture is probably scary to most readers.  She had a conversation about people behaving badly unprovoked. It went something like, "Nobody cares about you.  Of course your friends and family care about you but even then they'll do dumb things because they aren't thinking about anyone but themselves when they behave badly.  Most strangers and people just. don't. care. It's not intentional harm or bad motives,they're just thinking about themselves. You never factored into their decision or even entered their mind.  It has nothing to do with you.  They do the dumb things they do with no thought at all about how it will affect someone else because in the moment they don't care about other people-even you.  They aren't motivated by you.  They aren't thinking about you at all when they decide to behave badly.  So, you never have to take it personally or as a reflection of yourself when someone is behaving badly because they're behaving based on themselves."

Also, you can say out loud, "It's really rude of you talk to me that way.  I don't deserve it."  instead of crying in bed.  Not that you can't cry in bed after saying it but I'm all for girls learning to stand up for themselves calling someone on the BS they're throwing at them.  That starts by watching mom call her kids on any BS they're throwing at her. They need examples as a guide for calling the in-laws, co-workers, significant others, church leadership, friends, neighbors and strangers who will inevitably behave badly toward them unprovoked and need to be called followed with a boundary. Keep reading here at TWTM boards for the endless array of JAWM posts and other frustrating situations all of us have to deal with at some time or another. That's balanced with the Bible's instruction that "A wise man overlooks an insult." So if it's just now and then out of blue, I would ignore it.   If it's how this someone interacts with you on a regular basis, then I'd make sure to say something.

[bolt.]

"Well that was a rude answer to a kind question! I'll let you be, since that's clearly what you want -- but you honestly could have made the effort to ask nicely for the things you want. I could have used some consideration and some softer words."

[Tsuga]

 

Did you go to one of those homeschool convention workshops or church parenting classes that implied you could parent the human nature out of your children? Those are a scam, you know. Why are people still attending those?

 

I did the secular ones. It was sheer desperation.

 

But yes they are scams. "You can make your child into one of the tiny number who are naturally compliant if you JUST FOLLOW THESE STEPS!"

 

So much heartache, so much feeling like a failure, all because some schmuck wanted to sell me a parenting book.

[Home'scool]

Thank you ladies! I have read every post and they all made me feel better. It definitely put things into perspective - and saved me some therapy costs!!

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

I think it's really hard to come home after being away at college for everyone involved.  You are excited your babies are home, but they have been out of their own and have spread their wings a bit.  It can be hard for all to know how to navigate the parent/adult child relationship.  Hopefully, you'll all get it figured out.  But, it has no reflection on your parenting skills.  Ignore the rude comments and the light being on a 3 am.  

[Mommy22alyns]

*hugs*

 

Nobody is at their best at 3 in the morning, and trying to evaluate tone and attitude at that hour is asking for heartache.

 

 

I agree with this.  I have  insomnia and sometimes  don't sleep at all.  My DH will peek his head in and ask me questions about why I'm not sleeping, and I know he means well, but I want to strangle him!

 

In any event, I am quite sure you are NOT a bad mom. Don't beat yourself up.  I don't have kids this age, but from what I have read, try not to take it too personally.   :grouphug:

[hornblower]

I think when your kids are that age, you have to really start treating them like adult friends who are visiting your home. If I had a visiting friend over & saw a light on late at night I might gently knock on the door & inquire if they're ok, in the solicitous "just making sure you're not ill or needing stomach meds or something" way & when they assured me they're fine, I'd say great & walk away. None of my business if they stay up or not.  Saying "why are you up" and pointing out the time would not be polite to a guest, kwim?

My kids both live at home & as much as possible, I try to treat them like adults who we cohabit with.  The 16yo still gets some "mommy nagging" but even there I'm trying to really pull back.

I don't think it has to do with your parenting up to this point. I think it has to do with your reluctance to let go of parenting now.

:grouphug:  mama,  time to let them be grown ups.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm getting only one side of this so it's hard to say if there is some reason for it.  Not like I'm trying to blame you or her or anyone.  It's just I don't know all the details.  I never talked to my parents like that, but I was always a pretty easy going person.  My sister, on the other hand, was downright awful.  Part of it was that she suffered from mental health issues.  And part of it was my parents reacting to her behavior and attitude and that just seemed to ping pong back and forth in a negative way.  Fast forward and my sister is a much different person.  She would never be harsh to my dad and I know she feels bad about being harsh towards my mother (my mother passed away many years ago).  I guess I'm just saying that it doesn't necessarily mean it'll always be this way. 

 

I agree with not beating yourself up over this.  She has no idea what it is like to be in your shoes. 

 

I do recall sometimes being annoyed that as an adult my mother count not turn off the mom role.  Once she told me to say thank you to my grandparents for taking us out to dinner.  I was 18.  I lashed out at that comment.  It was insanely embarrassing and uncalled for because I was always quick to thank people.  She just had not given me a chance.  Now as a mom I get why it is hard to turn that off and let your kids be their own individual person. 

[JuanitaL]

((OP))

 

Mine alternates between being awesome and being a butthead. Sometimes it's honestly one or the other with very little in between.  

[annandatje]

Sometimes I will stay up into wee hours of morning simply because I need my privacy and solitude.  Honestly it does annoy me sometimes when my husband or young adult children amble into living room and ask me what I'm doing still up this time of night.  A few times I've been less than polite, but that does not mean that I do not love or respect them.  Transitioning into independent adulthood can be awkward for kids and parents.  I found it helpful to pretend my young adults were my roommates when dealing with certain situations.

[Laura Corin]

With the living Hell my daughter has put me through lately, I just look back and regret that I did not sacrifice so much to home school. I wish I had not done so much or sacrificed so much for someone who treats me like this.

 

((hugs))

 

I'm sorry you have been going through so much.  Having a child with mental health issues must be terribly hard, but it's really neither your fault nor hers that she has an organic disease that affects her brain.

 

Best wishes.

[creekland]

 "You can make your child into one of the tiny number who are naturally compliant if you JUST FOLLOW THESE STEPS!"

 

If we had only had middle son (as an only child), I'd wonder why all of you were parenting idiots.  Fortunately, God (or fate for those who prefer) saw to it that we had two other kids too.

 

And I have only to glance into my own life to see what folly any of this stuff is.  My other two take after me... I can relate to them way too easily.  My parents never had it easy.  But I like to think I turned out ok even if my natural instinct still rejects instant compliance.

 

And, sometimes I act snippy to my loved ones too.  I always regret it, but it happens if I'm tired or cranky or similar.

[Haiku]

My dd is 20. Were I you, I would start with not labeling your adult children's behavior as "bad." They are not little kids being naughty. My dd still does things that annoy me. She still acts somewhat entitled at home. She claims to be visiting us but sleeps all day and goes out with friends at night. She still reacts somewhat irrationally to things I say. I would never say she's being bad. I bite my tongue a lot and realize it's not my job to try to shape her behavior anymore. She's not a child. She may depend on us somewhat financially, but I am not raising her anymore. She's raised. I just let it go. The more I let it go, the easier it gets. Try not to take things so personally. The shift from child to adult while in your childhood home and with people who still see you as their child is hard. Try to be gracious.

[BigMamaBird]

I was an absolute Brat when I was that age.  Now, I have a terrific relationship with my Mom.  It's a combination of growing up, moving away and having my own children that matured me. :grouphug:  I'm so sorry you were hurt and she shouldn't have done that.  But there is hope.  Your relationship probably will be better some day!

[LLMom]

I did the secular ones. It was sheer desperation.

 

But yes they are scams. "You can make your child into one of the tiny number who are naturally compliant if you JUST FOLLOW THESE STEPS!"

 

So much heartache, so much feeling like a failure, all because some schmuck wanted to sell me a parenting book.

 Yes, this was and still is to some extent sold to homeschoolers.  They claim homeschooling can guarantee good children. There are no guarantees in parenting.  And like someone above said, don't take it personally.  I know it is hard.  I have 3 young adult children along with 3 teens and I am everyone's emotional punching bag from time to time.  It doesn't bother me much anymore. 

[SKL]

I remember having my moments at that age, and I lived at home and commuted to school.  As did several of my siblings around the same time.  My poor mother.

 

I may catch heat for saying this, but my first thought is PMS or other stress-producing phenomenon that has nothing to do with you.

 

If/when it happens again, try not to give back similar.  Maybe respond in a low, calm voice with something like "well, there is probably a nicer way of saying that" and walk away, not expecting an answer.  (And don't hold your breath for an apology, either.)

[thewaka]

I do recall sometimes being annoyed that as an adult my mother count not turn off the mom role.  Once she told me to say thank you to my grandparents for taking us out to dinner.  I was 18.

 

My mother told me to say "thank you" to one of my kids just a few years ago. I was 40+ :(

 

I try to let what I didn't like as well as what I read here inform me on being the mom to my growing children I wish I had. I think DH and I are doing all right so far, but oldest is not yet 16, so still quite early to say we are going to be successful with that.

[Hikin' Mama]

I have THE BEST parents in the world and I was a turd to them when I was an older teen/young adult. It had nothing to do with their parenting; it was all me and my attitude. Try not to take it personally and know that someday they will appreciate you. Until then, I'm sending virtual hugs your way. :)

[Hikin' Mama]

If we had only had middle son (as an only child), I'd wonder why all of you were parenting idiots. Fortunately, God (or fate for those who prefer) saw to it that we had two other kids too.

 

r.

I have the same middle son. If I had only had him, I would have a huge mom ego. :)

[JFSinIL]

My now-21 -year-old dd, the kid who I had to stop homeschooling at the start of fifth grade do to our butting heads (at the expense of the other kid's need for my attention) etc. just moved out a couple months ago (she is almost within walking distance, though).  Yesterday she stopped by and we had a great hour-long visit...as she was leaving we both spontaneously remarked how much better we get along now. ;-)

[BlsdMama]

 

 

 

The mother-daughter and mother-son relationships are two totally different things.

 

Don't compare your daughters with sons. Wouldn't I love a son who loved me unconditionally, who thought the word 'mother' was the sweetest thing in the world, who would use me as a model for what he'd look for in a wife... instead of two girls who think they could do it better than I do. Wouldn't I ever!

 

But I am one of two daughters so I guess I deserve it. LOL!

 

LOL.  I agree the M/D and M/S relationships are two ENTIRELY different creatures.  (M/S relationships have their own unique quirks and challenges but boys tend towards that protective lot and mothers don't question what their boys do as much either.)

 

((Hugs))

 

I think in the AM I'd have a short sweet conversation about house guest manners and how when one wants to be treated as an adult one should act like an adult but please don't take it personally.  Children's choices are not necessarily a reflection of parenting.

[kewb]

This thread is very helpful as a reminder that it is not me it is my son and all age and developmentaly appropriate.

Still stinks being on the receiving end but I am going to try to get a thicker skin as I continue to mentally prep myself that he really wants to go to high school next year for his senior year and I need to let go of my vision.

[Elisabet1]

I'm sorry you have been going through so much.  Having a child with mental health issues must be terribly hard, but it's really neither your fault nor hers that she has an organic disease that affects her brain.

 

Best wishes.

Thank you. I feel like I should not talk about it anymore as I have talked about it too much. But this morning, I am sitting here bawling. My birth parents did not have custody of me because they abused me. Now they have stolen my daughter. They hate my daughter. They are only doing this so they can use her as a tool to get at me. And it really hurts. Usually, on Christmas eve, I make the drive to the Godiva store to get a box of chocolates for her. I hand pick her favorites to make the box. Now I am not. I hate them so bad. 

[kristi26]

((hugs))

 

I was extremely unpleasant to my own mom from 17-18. The only reason I got a clue and stopped being such a witch was because I ended up pregnant at the end of high school with DS14. Despite my horribleness, my mom was there for me through it all.  She is now one of my best friends. Hang in there!