sbgrace Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I noticed on a recent thread that there are quite a few married for 15 years or longer. This may be a weird question but I'm really curious. I think this is within board guidelines. If you are married 15+ years and believe you have a good marriage I am curious--how do you think spouses in long term healthy marriages feel about or toward their spouse/marriage on an average day or a typical week? I'm asking specifically about the emotional or feelings component of longer term good marriages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I've been married for 16 years, and we have a pretty good marriage. I generally like my husband. :) I do go through times when I don't like him so much. I go through times when I simply adore him. On a day-to-day basis, I have positive feelings towards him. Not necessarily unadulterated passion, but I look forward to him coming home and am glad to see him. I have been typing and deleting all kinds of things, but that's how I feel about my dh on a day-to-day basis. I will leave it at that unless I see that you would like more info. There are people here who are MUCH better at being married and happy about it than I am. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrissySC Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) We are not in the hormone/tea'ish stage of romance anymore. I have been married since I was 20ish or so - geesh, I would have to go look, LOL. We are best friends/buddies. He is dad and I am mom. We do not need each other to complete our identity. I suppose that is confusing, but I hope I explained it OK. :) Edit: So as poster above does not feel alone - there are days that I imagine the worst kind of serial-killer movie things be done to him! LOL We are not perfect! Edited June 16, 2011 by ChrissySC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We will be celebrating our 19th anniversary this year and I think our marriage is pretty solid. In a typical week I can go through all the emotions: Love, hate, indifference, passion, anger, general liking the other person. It really depends on what is going on that week. To me, the difference between a solid marriage and one that is not is how you deal with those feelings. Knowing when to give the other space until you can have a rational conversation. Being able to admit you were wrong. Conflict resolution is a key to success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 He's my best friend. Period. No one in my entire life has accepted me just as I am and loved me to pieces anyway. Except him. I don't think you can put two people in a house and not have conflicts from time to time and things that get on your nerves - but I go from a general state of appreciation most of the time to flat out adoring him. He's the same with me. Fifteen years and counting.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) I generally like my husband. :) I do go through times when I don't like him so much. I go through times when I simply adore him. On a day-to-day basis, I have positive feelings towards him. Not necessarily unadulterated passion, but I look forward to him coming home and am glad to see him. :D This summer we will have been married 10yrs and this is basicly how I feel too....not at the year mark you're asking about but just thought I'd give my 2cents worth too......... Edited June 16, 2011 by SweetMissMagnolia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Going to be seventeen years this Sept. I love him awful. On my worst days I can't wait for him to come home so I can curl into him. We sleep with our legs tangled up every night. Just the smell of his skin calms me down. But, along with that, like a PP said, I have my identity outside of him. I didn't have that in the first years of my marriage and things were MUCH harder because of my codependency. Of course there are things about him that make me want to kill him, but at the end of the day, no matter how much he pisses me off, I want to be snuggling with him. And he would *easily* say there are things about me that piss him off. We're past the point of wanting to change eachother. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We are coming up on 25 years and we know each other well. I've known him for 27 years. We have been through a lifetime together with all the usual bumps and bruises. Thinking positively about the relationship and actively seeking things to improve it, i.e., making time for walks in the evening (looking forward to that during the day), learning something new together like a hobby - we are contemplating kayaking, is essential for me. Attending church together or participating in church programs, talking about what we like and don't like, agree/disagree with is important. Our ds is gone now and we are actively working on making this next stage of life our best one yet. As far as day-to-day emotion goes: Seeking connection and feeling connected to each other, making time for things he is interested in even if I am not because I know he does it for me. Don't know if I answered your question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I've been married for nineteen years; we've been together for four years longer than that. Every day I love my husband very much, appreciate his qualities and look forward to talking with him. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: (25 years here...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Have you heard The Civil Wars' song "Poison and Wine"? I love it. It is such a picture of long term love and relationship. Poison & Wine is a musical snapshot about the dichotomy of love - that while it can be the thing that destroys you, it can also be the very same thing that beckons and builds you. JP and I are both married have been for several years now - and we got to talking one day about what a tug and pull our individual relationships can be. The longer you know someone - and the longer you allow someone to know you - the more the light and shadows inside each person become more vivid. This song was our attempt at being as brutally honest about the dangerous and beautiful process of knowing and being known. (-Joy Williams, The Civil Wars) I have been married 25 years and holding strong :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: (25 years here...) :lol::iagree::lol: Been married almost 20 years and that pretty much sums up our relationship. One thing we have always tried to do is assume the best of motives in our spouse. So, when he does a bone-headed thing, I try to assume he had our best interests at heart. Funny - I usually only see his actions as boneheaded when I am PMSing;). Mostly, he is a person I respect and like being with on a day-to-day basis. The "giddy adoration" and the "crazy jungle tea" are just icing on cake. I appreciate them when they are there, but I can be quite happy with the cake. (All of this from a "glass half empty" kind of gal.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We've been married almost 16 yrs, but we've been friends since we were 15. Sometimes I think we have a great marriage, and sometimes I think it could be so much more. The first year and this past year were rough. It would have been easy to just give up during either of those periods, but the key is we didn't. Like others have said, we definitely go through the range of emotions in any given week. Recently I've been in a funk because our dreams just don't seem to be coinciding, and I'm a little nervous about how that's going to affect our relationship over time. We have always been each other's best friend, though, so hopefully we can figure this one out, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 18.5 We've had rough times, but most of the time, and especially now, we are each other's best friends, we still have a lot of desire for TeA, and love spending time together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: (25 years here...) You hit the nail on the head. ;) We are at 24 years and I still adore him. He still brings me flowers and our life together is good. We were best friends for 6 years before we married and I really think it made a differnce for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann@thebeach Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: I think that pretty much sums it up ;) We'll celebrate our 20th anniv this fall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 19 yrs married next week. He can go from completely irritating and annoying, worse than 4 kids, and then do the sweetest thing. I suppose he would say the same about me. But we discuss ( sometimes loudly), we allow space, we laugh, we cry, we have each others back. Don't expect everything to stay the same as it was when you first fell in love. People change, circumstances change. Be prepared to weather hard times as well as enjoy the good times. Biggest thing is this too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 20+ years here. On a day to day basis, I would say that we are still very much in love and very happy. Of course, we have our challanging times but they are not frequent and when they come along they are usually over a specific issues not an overall dissatisfaction. I have to admit that there is tremendous chemistry between us, we are on the same page about the big issues and we are both determined to make or marriage both last and work, so that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenniferlee Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 17 yrs. Best friends. Can't wait til he gets home every day. Love to spend all our time together. We've had our tough times, but our feelings toward each other have always been "I'm so glad I married you - I'd do it again in a heartbeat!" Like even when I'm totally exasperated/frustrated at bad decisions or having hurt feelings, the undercurrent is one of love and commitment. If that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 25 years in October. We are a team. We sometimes make each other crazy, sometimes I actively dislike him but other times I love him to pieces. It's never easy as the movies or relationship books want it to sound but what in real life is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My dh is wonderful. He has some faults, just as I have mine. He overlooks mine, so I overlook his. We respect each other, give each other our freedom, support the other's decisions without being critical... Steven Covey wrote in one of his books that LOVE is a VERB. After I realized that, our relationship has been very easy, but then again, he's very easy to get along with (to me :D) I think the biggest thing is that when we do argue, we are quick to forgive and neither of us ever hold a grudge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnbacademy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 20 years here... Most days are filled with a steady contentment with him. Other days there are minor irritations. I have great respect and gratitude for him because we have a history together, of losses and joys, and he has maintained respect through all. I do think it is very important to have "rules of engagement" which we started from day 1 of our marriage. That is, there are boundaries even when arguing. We made a covenant with each other and we take that very seriously. That said... the catch is that I married someone with the opposite personality as I have, which challenges me... some days I appreciate it, some days... not so much! The other thing that keeps me going is that I know that he is the only man for me, that God put us together, and He meant it for good... and it is good most of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 23 years. I adore my husband. :001_wub: The longer we're married, the more I love him. We truly are a team. We enjoy spending time together and we enjoy talking with each other, and make time to do that every day. We exercise together each evening when he gets home from work. We're physically affectionate and I think that's very important in maintaining a healthy relationship. I can't think of anyone I would rather spend time with than him. Of course, we get on each other's nerves occasionally, but I know it doesn't mean anything and that it will pass...usually quite quickly. We don't like to argue, and if we start, one of us will say something like, "Why are you so grumpy today?", then hug or tickle the other. That ends it. :D Humor is important. Being selfless is important as well. We like to think of something each day we can do for one another. Something small like a note or a little message. I wrote "I love you" on the bathroom mirror in lipstick the other day so he would see it when he got out of the shower. Being playful is good, too. I am so grateful I married the man I did. My marriage and family are the biggest blessings in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Married 20 years here. We make a pretty good team. For the most part, we are on the same page with money and parenting stuff. However, there are times when we get on each other's nerves. Humor goes a long way to diffusing tense situations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 18 1/2 years here. We're a team, we work well together in a relationship. We've been through a lot emotionally and all the other ways. We've stuck together when others might have (and did!)quit. I don't think our marriage is perfect, but we have a comfort with each other after all these years. Probably the best thing we done is allow each other to change, good and bad. He's not the man I married in many ways, I'm not the woman he married. I don't see that as a bad thing, if that makes any sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 20 years here... Most days are filled with a steady contentment with him. Other days there are minor irritations. I have great respect and gratitude for him because we have a history together, of losses and joys, and he has maintained respect through all. I do think it is very important to have "rules of engagement" which we started from day 1 of our marriage. That is, there are boundaries even when arguing. We made a covenant with each other and we take that very seriously. That said... the catch is that I married someone with the opposite personality as I have, which challenges me... some days I appreciate it, some days... not so much! The other thing that keeps me going is that I know that he is the only man for me, that God put us together, and He meant it for good... and it is good most of the time. This is my story! at 17 years. I just read a 20 yr. olds FB status: Wish I could find that highschool love feeling again. My response? that's not real, love is the dailyness(?) of life, loving even through 3 boys in diapers. I feel bad that she's has 3 boys, 2 different fathers that are both now out of the picture and she still hasn't realized that those fluttery feelings aren't what's going to get you through in a marriage.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 25 years in October. We are a team. We sometimes make each other crazy, sometimes I actively dislike him but other times I love him to pieces. It's never easy as the movies or relationship books want it to sound but what in real life is. :iagree:We'll be married 23 years in Oct. We're in a comfortable zone right now, maybe boring. But I love him and he loves me. We are both on the same page in that we are completely committed to eachother and our family. We've actually never considered it an option for things to "not work out", so it always has. A big key to our happiness is lots and lots of laughter. He cracks me up! It lightens the tough times. We support eachother in what ever makes the other one happy, to a degree. IOW, I support him wanting to take a weeknight off each week to go jam with a band. He supports me taking off a weeknight for a moms night out with friends. That type of thing. I think for anything to last long term you have to roll with the changes over time. The ones who have trouble are the ones who think their wife should still look smokin' hot after 5 kids, or that the husband should be making 6 figures by now. My husband is still the same guy I married, but he's more mature, more mellow, more successful, more opionated, more lazy, more sentimental, etc. now. There just has to be an acceptance of who that person matures in to over time. None of us stay the same over 20 plus years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: (25 years here...) i laughed out loud at this. actually, i'm still chuckling. Very, very big smile, ann ps. for us the key is to make an intentional choice to behave in a loving fashion and to think the best of one another's motives and intentions.... it gets us over those fork moments nicely ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I've been married for 16 years, and we have a pretty good marriage. I generally like my husband. :) I do go through times when I don't like him so much. I go through times when I simply adore him. On a day-to-day basis, I have positive feelings towards him. Not necessarily unadulterated passion, but I look forward to him coming home and am glad to see him. I have been typing and deleting all kinds of things, but that's how I feel about my dh on a day-to-day basis. I will leave it at that unless I see that you would like more info. There are people here who are MUCH better at being married and happy about it than I am. :D What she said. Exactly. We've been married 16 years too and I have days where I adore him, days where I just like him and days where I don't like him at all. I love him all the time though (I admit that it's harder to love him on the days I don't like him so much, but I do). We're friends. We've known each other since college (we were 19 when we met, married at 22) so we know each other pretty well, though there are still times when I have no idea what he's thinking when he does things. I look forward to him coming home in the evenings because even though we can't talk about his job (it's something he can't discuss), we talk about our days and relax together after the kids go to bed. He still makes me laugh, I still drive him crazy and we still have fun together. Things aren't crazy passionate but we're almost 40 and have young kids. Well apparently they were passionate last year because we have a new baby. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I would sum it up with the word contentment. We're coming up on our 19th anniversary in October. I was 19, he was 24. We grew up together basically! He's just such an integrated part of my life and so woven into my being that it's hard to really put in words how the feelings part goes. There are days he drives me insane and others that I want to jump his bones when he walks in the door (when he's in his khaki working uniform...omg...*fanning self*). But most days he's just part of me and I'm not sure what a good word for that would be other than comfortable, content, etc. It's like with your kids. Some days you want to choke them, other days you are in awe of how intensely you love them but most days you are going about your day not thinking much about feelings toward one another but just feeling comfortable sharing your lives together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you are married 15+ years and believe you have a good marriage I am curious--how do you think spouses in long term healthy marriages feel about or toward their spouse/marriage on an average day or a typical week? I'm asking specifically about the emotional or feelings component of longer term good marriages. My DH and I have a great relationship. We enjoy each other's company every day. Of course we have our disagreements that cause hurt and sometimes anger, but those feelings are few and far between. What I love about my relationship is that my DH and I are almost always supportive of individual choices and decisions. We understand that we are individuals that are sharing our lives together, not a single unit that has to always agree on everything. We also do not feel that our marriage needs a head of the family. Neither of us makes sweeping rules that the other has to just obey. We feel that this mutual respect plays a huge part in our healthy relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomNY Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Coming up on 25 years together.... He is my best friend... Some days are better then others but they are all better because we are together. His strengths help overcome my weaknesses and vice verse. I am blesses to have such a great husband. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Really, my marriage is one of the better things I can hold up in my life and say, "this part was great." I like my husband most of the time. He does not have a lot of annoying habits. He thinks my annoying habits are funny, and rarely gets annoyed about things that I think he could legitimately get very annoyed about (like me losing everything I ever touch). We generally are easy on each other and try not to let things ruffle feathers. Really, almost all good. Now that he wears and Cpap and can't snore, I would say it's 98% good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I have been married 16 1/2 years and got married when I was 20. The first 8 years were tough. We both carried had problems from our childhood that a really good pastor finally helped us both work through. My dh is my best friend and I assume I am his as well. We challenge each other, we respect each other, our strengths often compliment each other. We don't yell and scream anymore (although that was usually me), but we still do get aggravated with each other at times. We show each other a lot of grace and we are very forgiving of each other. I see so many friends and family who just have no understanding of how good marriage can be. I feel very fortunate and blessed by God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 A long-lasting Marriage is work, plain and simple. But never easy. You choose each day, each moment, how you will respond to any given statement, look, etc. I think those who give up so easily on their marriage have not yet learned that it's not always going to be perfect, it's not always the other person who is at fault, and sometimes, the look you see or the statement you hear is not what you think it is. We're coming up on 17 years, come December. My own parents divorced when I was 15 and I was devastated. I well remember the pain it caused me. I started praying for my marriage then and there. I love my husband and he loves me. Do we always like each other? No. Do we ever get frustrated with each other? Yes. That's life. Synopsis: it's a CHOICE and it takes WORK. Those are my two cents. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think staying happily married for more than 15 years (we've been married 18) requires putting the emotional aspects of marriage (infatuation, excitement, chemistry, etc.) in their proper place-down low on the list of priorities. Having shared goals and working toward them together in little ways every day may not give a big bang in the emotions department, but it does create depth and breadth in security, respect, admiration, appreciation, trust, etc. It's a quiet love based on behaviors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you are married 15+ years and believe you have a good marriage I am curious--how do you think spouses in long term healthy marriages feel about or toward their spouse/marriage on an average day or a typical week? I'm asking specifically about the emotional or feelings component of longer term good marriages. I consider my husband my best friend. I enjoy his company. I enjoy spending time with him, talking, sharing experiences. I enjoy our life and family and am content. Married 18 years, together for 24 years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aquinas Academy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Day to day....mostly a general and happy state of appreciation for what we have, some moments of giddy adoration, some moments of wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork.... Kind of like our teA life....mostly just enjoyable and comfortable, some moments of crazy jungle teA, some moments of WTH followed by laughter...:001_smile: (25 years here...) :lol: Yes! This sums up what I was going to say. Even when my DH drives me crazy I always end up falling crazily in love with him again. He's got is weaknesses (as do I), but overall he's a wonderful husband and father. We'll be married for 16 years this July. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brennab Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We'll be celebrating our 15th next year, and have been friends for 20 years. I'm so grateful that I married my best friend, even though we drive each other nuts sometimes with our idiosyncracies. I can't imagine anybody else putting up with me the way he does. We do have down periods in our marriage, where we're just not loving/respecting each other the way we should, but thank God that He pulls us out of those funks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We will be celebrating 18 years married in November. We are happy. Very happy. But not every day. There are some days that I can't stand him, the same for him. But we're in it for the long haul. I always say that marriage isn't a 50/50 arrangement. Sometimes it's 80/20 where I am putting forth 80% of the effort to keep us going. Sometimes it's reversed. But we are both committed to making it through. A few things that we do that have helped us: We laugh often, even at ourselves. We always go to bed at the same time, together. We've done this for the full time we've been together. We sometimes go to bed angry because we have a chance to calm down and speak rationally in the morning. We talk-all the time. I am a little concerned about our marriage after the boys are grown and gone. We talk about that often and where we see ourselves when we are empty nesters and what we will do differently to keep our marriage strong and healthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 we will be married 18 years this month, and we dated 5 years before we married. Well, we are each-other's favorite person, best friends. We both go through the day looking to make the other person happy and make them feel loved. We do have our moments, but usually one or both is being a bit selfish, and it passes and we work it out. Sometimes, when one of us starts getting our back up- we've learned to stop and realize that the other person is on our team, not out to get us- and that whatever the person did to totally tick us off was probably a mistake or an oversight- not trying to stick it to us. Changing our view point to seeing this, really helps. I think we've come to a point of living in thankfulness each day, and each night as we go to sleep- to have found each other, and for having the privilege of being married to each other. I hope my ramblings made sense...:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I've been married for 16 years, and we have a pretty good marriage. I generally like my husband. :) I do go through times when I don't like him so much. I go through times when I simply adore him. On a day-to-day basis, I have positive feelings towards him. Not necessarily unadulterated passion, but I look forward to him coming home and am glad to see him. I have been typing and deleting all kinds of things, but that's how I feel about my dh on a day-to-day basis. I will leave it at that unless I see that you would like more info. There are people here who are MUCH better at being married and happy about it than I am. :D :iagree:18 yrs of marriage here. I do think that the key for us has been to keep in mind our marriage when making life decisions. My commitment is to our marriage first. His commitment is to our marriage first. We agreed before marrying that when we ran into trouble we would seek help or be miserable. If a decision we need to make has the potential to undermine marital harmony then the price of that decision is too high. I may not be happy about the decision, or him, but neither of us is making decisions without compromises so we know we'll work it out. We're at a Y in our lives right now. I know dh would make decisions for me that would mean huge sacrifices on his end. He would do it selflessly but over time it would those sacrifices have the potential to undermine our marriage. I need to be willing to compromise so that he's also going to be content with the decision before it's made. It's a lot of conversations for many days and lots & lots of coffee. Once we make a move we both know we're still a team working towards the same goal. Now that doesn't mean I like him all the time. But I'm committed 100% to him, to the life we dreamt of, and all the variations reality brings. He tells me and by his actions I'm told that he's committed 100% to me, to the life we dreamt of, and all the variations reality brings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We will have been married for 19 years this October. Most of the time I really like him, and enjoy his company. Sometimes he annoys me more than anyone else I know can :D. I think most importantly, I make an effort to love him very day. It definitely isn't a passive thing. We went through a very hard time in our marriage, and very nearly ended it. We had to make the choice to work hard at keeping it together. I also had to realize that my attitude towards him steered the direction of our relationship. Since we've been through the fire, so to speak, our relationship is better than ever. It seems to have reached a very comfortable contentment with one another, rather than that flaming romance we had in the beginning. I prefer what we have now, by far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 He's my best friend. Period. No one in my entire life has accepted me just as I am and loved me to pieces anyway. Except him. I don't think you can put two people in a house and not have conflicts from time to time and things that get on your nerves - but I go from a general state of appreciation most of the time to flat out adoring him. He's the same with me. Fifteen years and counting.... :iagree: Except it has been 14 years, here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rieshy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 24 years married here. On a day to day basis I'd say I feel like he's my best friend- a warm companion. A best friend that I sometimes want to smack in the back of the head. Then there's passion. A lot of it. We have seven kids for a reason:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I generally like my husband. I do go through times when I don't like him so much. I go through times when I simply adore him. On a day-to-day basis, I have positive feelings towards him. Not necessarily unadulterated passion, but I look forward to him coming home and am glad to see him. I think Beth's answer is simple and accurate for me. Recently, I've fallen a bit harder for him. He is such an incredible father this time around (he was great the first time too, but he's definitely more so this time). I find that irresistible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 He's my best friend. Period. No one in my entire life has accepted me just as I am and loved me to pieces anyway. Except him. I don't think you can put two people in a house and not have conflicts from time to time and things that get on your nerves - but I go from a general state of appreciation most of the time to flat out adoring him. He's the same with me. Fifteen years and counting.... This explains us...only we are married almost 26 years ...and we still have the hots for eachother....:D Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name=CalicoKat;2838841 If a decision we need to make has the potential to undermine marital harmony then the price of that decision is too high. I may not be happy about the decision' date=' or him, but neither of us is making decisions without compromises so we know we'll work it out. We're at a Y in our lives right now. I know dh would make decisions for me that would mean huge sacrifices on his end. He would do it selflessly but over time it would those sacrifices have the potential to undermine our marriage. I need to be willing to compromise so that he's also going to be content with the decision before it's made. It's a lot of conversations for many days and lots & lots of coffee. Once we make a move we both know we're still a team working towards the same goal. . This I think is key. We were just in some huge cross roads here as well. Marriage is a give and take thing and for me, once we discuss things well, sometimes I just need to let go and let my dh make a decision and trust in his judgement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 He is my best friend. He knows me better than my friends that I have known for a long time. I look forward to seeing him at the end of each day. We still have the hots for each other. We are going to celebrate our marriage of 20 years this July and we are so excited!!!! If you are married 15+ years and believe you have a good marriage I am curious--how do you think spouses in long term healthy marriages feel about or toward their spouse/marriage on an average day or a typical week? I'm asking specifically about the emotional or feelings component of longer term good marriages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 We'll be celebrating 24 this year. I've known dh since 9th grade, dated for 8 years before we married. Overall, I would say we have a great relationship. I don't think there is a secret to staying in a good marriage, it's not a magic formula. Everyone has their good and bad days. That is part of life. The difference is we choose to share all of that with each other and have remained devoted to each other always, no matter what... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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