Not calling children by their given names

[Indigo Blue]

Someone in my family has been calling a toddler in our family by a nickname instead of her given name since birth. The mom and this person rarely see each other, but this person has decided they don’t like the given name and they’ve shortened it and call the child that instead. This person is aware that the mom doesn’t like it when others call the child by the nickname. 
 

This isn’t something I would do, but how benign is this? This person is prone to doing  things like this. 
 

Do you see this in families? Is this just my weird experience? Or is it not so weird? 
 

I tend to think that you should follow the lead of the parents on this, and not call a child by a nickname of their choosing when it’s not their child. ?????

Just pondering this today. 

[Rosie_0801]

I think it is rude but also doesn't really matter much. It's the sort of thing relatives you don't really like anyway do, in my experience. Usually the child in question grows up enough to express an opinion and enforce it.

But it's also a bit unreasonable to give a child a name that is usually shortened and expect no one will.

[Not_a_Number]

This would bug me, but I'd probably not make a huge stink over it. Unless, that is, this was in the context of a relationship which was already very tense... in which case, I can imagine making a fuss, but probably regretting it later. Or perhaps tying it into some greater theme when I was making this fuss...

[Laura Corin]

10 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I think it is rude but also doesn't really matter much. It's the sort of thing relatives you don't really like anyway do, in my experience. Usually the child in question grows up enough to express an opinion and enforce it.

But it's also a bit unreasonable to give a child a name that is usually shortened and expect no one will.

I met a man who named his child Christopher but didn't like 'Chris'. He used 'Kit' instead. The child finally grew up and chose 'Chris'. It was a lot of wasted effort and bad feeling.

[73349]

From experience, I'd say the kid will correct it if and when it matters.

[maize]

I think it is a bit rude, but ... not worth anybody wasting mental and emotional energy over. 

We don't control other people.

[SKL]

It depends.  If it's a normal expected nickname, then honestly, I think it's unreasonable to expect nobody to use it.  However, as the parents keep using the full name 100% of the time, others tend to follow suit eventually.

When deciding on baby names, people should know to avoid a name that has an obvious nickname they don't like.  Don't name your kid Richard if you don't want anyone ever calling him Dick.

Now [for example] if I named my kid Philip and people were calling him, say, filly ... that would probably annoy me.  But I'd probably just mildly correct them and move on.

"How's filly doing?"

"You mean Philip?  He's doing great."

"Yo filly, do you want me to read you a story?"

"Phillip, Uncle wants to read you a story."

[HomeAgain]

18 minutes ago, 73349 said:

From experience, I'd say the kid will correct it if and when it matters.

This.

My 12yo only recently started using his real name, and that's mostly only in certain situations.  His other name is not related to his given name.  I think as long as no one is bothered, or a nickname has a special bond/meaning between two folks, it's fine.  I respond to about 6 different names: one given to me by my sister, one from a teacher, one from dh, one given at birth.....gosh, I never thought about it all, but it compartmentalizes my life and relationships with everyone.

[maize]

Oh, as to the question of how common it is--it's pretty common in my experience for relatives to use nicknames for a kid even when the parents don't. Especially if the nickname is a common one for the child's given name. My grandma tended to call all her grandkids by her preferred version of their name/nickname even when no-one else did. In my case it was my first and middle names together. Nobody else ever called me that, except sometimes relatives who didn't see me often and mostly heard about me from grandma! For most of my cousins it was a cutesy nickname (the kind that ends in "y").

[cjzimmer1]

My dad is always one to twist up names into something else.  It doesn't just apply to people but also places. He loves to tease people.  I know some people are bothered by it but it's really his "terms of endearment" so to speak.  We've learned to roll with it and my kids give it back to him with alterations of his name and really it turns into a big silly game for all.  HE loves it when they one up him so to speak.

My feelings on this are you aren't going to change what someone else does but you can certainly change your attitude/response so that it doesn't become this big negative experience. 

[gardenmom5]

I would see that person as passive aggressive and lacking in respect for others.  I would not see this as benign.  

I would never expect the toddler to follow directions or respond to someone who doesn't use their actual name.

[Catwoman]

I think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to give a child an unwelcome nickname. Nicknames tend to stick, and there's no way my dh and I would have tolerated anyone messing with our son's name. 

I know people who are still called their childhood nicknames and they are now well over 60 years old. They hated the nicknames as kids, and they absolutely despise them now -- yet there are a few extended family members who refuse to let them go, telling them, "that's how we always knew you." Ugh!

The guys who couldn't shake off the stupid nicknames were the ones who recommended we nip any nicknaming attempts by certain relatives of my dh even before our son was born. My dh is usually a pretty laidback guy, but this was something he was very firm about, so fortunately, we were able to prevent any issues. 

 

Edited December 3, 2022 by Catwoman
Forgot something

[Catwoman]

12 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I would see that person as passive aggressive and lacking in respect for others.  I would not see this as benign.  

I would never expect the toddler to follow directions or respond to someone who doesn't use their actual name.

I don't think it's benign, either. Other people don't get to re-name our kids!

[Annie G]

12 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I would see that person as passive aggressive and lacking in respect for others.  I would not see this as benign.  

 

This is my brother, exactly. He has called my sister’s son Sammy since birth- he’s 30 now and brother dear still does it. His middle name is Samuel but nobody has ever called him anything but Luke, except brother.   He also as a teenager started calling my dad Jeb. My dad’s name is Walt, so not even a nickname.  Passive aggressive is my brother’s main personality trait. 

[Catwoman]

34 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

My dad is always one to twist up names into something else.  It doesn't just apply to people but also places. He loves to tease people.  I know some people are bothered by it but it's really his "terms of endearment" so to speak.  We've learned to roll with it and my kids give it back to him with alterations of his name and really it turns into a big silly game for all.  HE loves it when they one up him so to speak.

My feelings on this are you aren't going to change what someone else does but you can certainly change your attitude/response so that it doesn't become this big negative experience. 

See, I have to disagree with this. 

I mean, if it's a fun thing in your family and nobody minds, that's fine, but otherwise, nobody has the right to call your child by anything other than their preferred name, and I think it's a parent's responsibility to be firm about it, especially if the child doesn't want a nickname. (But really, the time to put a stop to it is the first time it happens, even if the kid is still a baby. Once a kid has a nickname, it can be hard to get rid of it.)

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, Annie G said:

This is my brother, exactly. He has called my sister’s son Sammy since birth- he’s 30 now and brother dear still does it. His middle name is Samuel but nobody has ever called him anything but Luke, except brother.   He also as a teenager started calling my dad Jeb. My dad’s name is Walt, so not even a nickname.  Passive aggressive is my brother’s main personality trait. 

Why did people keep letting him get away with it? That kind of thing would not fly in our family. 

But we sort of keep that whole "passive" thing out of the "aggressive," so maybe that's why. 😉 

[Corraleno]

Purposely using a different name, that you know bugs the parents, because you don't like the name the parents chose, is obnoxious and passive-aggressive. If limiting contact with that person was not an option (because they would be present at family gatherings where there were other people I wanted to see, or for example if grandma was the one being obnoxious but I still wanted the kids to see grandpa), then I would correct the person every. single. time. and I would probably also mangle their name in response. Like if my MIL wanted to be called Nana, I would call her GiGi or Grandmama or something I knew she didn't like and make sure the child called her that too, until she decided that the consequences of being a passive-aggressive jerk outweighed the reward of thinking she was "getting one over" on the parents.

[Lecka]

This would not be okay with me as a parent.  

[Tanaqui]

I've never understood why some people are so... invested in what other people call their kid. Obviously if the kid doesn't like it, you stop it - but if they don't mind, it's their name and their relationship. If you really hate a particularly common nickname, don't give your kid a name that obviously nicknames onto that. Otherwise, isn't it common for people to use different names for different social situations? Like, being Childhood Nickname for family, Normal Nickname for people who know you from high school and college, Full First Name for work friends?

I just do not understand getting worked up over this unless it's one of a million things that person does, in which case it's the whole picture, not just the one thing.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Tanaqui said:

I just do not understand getting worked up over this unless it's one of a million things that person does, in which case it's the whole picture, not just the one thing.

Yeah, that's what it comes down to for me. 

[gardenmom5]

21 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to give a child an unwelcome nickname. Nicknames tend to stick, and there's no way my dh and I would have tolerated anyone messing with our son's name. 

I know people who are still called their childhood nicknames and they are now well over 60 years old. They hated the nicknames as kids, and they absolutely despise them now -- yet there are a few extended family members who refuse to let them go, telling them, "that's how we always knew you." Ugh!

The guys who couldn't shake off the stupid nicknames were the ones who recommended we nip any nicknaming attempts by certain relatives of my dh even before our son was born. My dh is usually a pretty laidback guy, but this was something he was very firm about, so fortunately, we were able to prevent any issues. 

 

A friend had the opposite problem.  She and her dh gave their daughter a nickname (one that had zero to do with her actual name.) e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e used the nickname.    when she was five or six, they moved away.   The daughter decided she only wanted to use her name.  (it was hard for me to change - I didn't see her nearly enough.  And when I was chatting with her mom, and she'd use her actual name initially I was like "who is that?").  Family was respectful and got used to using her actual name.  School friends only knew her name.

However, . . . fast forward to her college years.  She had a girl from the previous location as a roommate (pure coincidence.), and a boy from the previous location in one of her classes.     She kept trying to get them to connect with who she was - finally . . . with great frustration and irritation she said her nickname.  They immediately placed her.  They also had to "relearn" her name and to call her by her actual name.

[saraha]

My three experiences with this. 
1. my given name is Sarah. My mother has never from day one called me Sarah. My mother and her side of the family All call me Kristy. My father and his side of the family called me Sarah. At school I was called Sarah. My dh calls me Sarah because he met me in college. My sister uses both indeterminately.

2. My mother tried to name our first two children, born 18 months apart. We did actually use one of her suggestions for each kids middle name. My mom tried to call both of them by their middle name, although no one else did. The other 4 got middle names that were not here suggestions and she still tried to call them by their middle names. It totally did not stick with any of them as she lived alone and we never saw any of her relatives so she had no back up to reinforce her idea. and actually, when she met #4, she tried calling her by her middle name immediately and my oldest 2 children would say “Grandma, her name is Elli!” Like she was silly or something

3. a friend of mine gave all three of her children longish first names that have obvious, commonly used shortenings, think Christopher to Chris etc. With the first two she was able to head off the name shortening until the kids went to school and their friends at school just started calling them the shortened version. With third child she again chose a name with a commonly used shortened version, think Samantha to Sam and hated that her first two daughters immediately, like at birth, started using the shortened version and she was never able to get them to stop so she gave up. As soon as third kid got to school, sure enough the other kids immediately called her shortened version. She was able to teach the adults around her what she wanted the children called but all bets were off with kids at school. None of the kids themselves minded the shortened versions
 

 

Edited December 3, 2022 by saraha

[gardenmom5]

3 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

I've never understood why some people are so... invested in what other people call their kid. Obviously if the kid doesn't like it, you stop it - but if they don't mind, it's their name and their relationship. If you really hate a particularly common nickname, don't give your kid a name that obviously nicknames onto that. Otherwise, isn't it common for people to use different names for different social situations? Like, being Childhood Nickname for family, Normal Nickname for people who know you from high school and college, Full First Name for work friends?

I just do not understand getting worked up over this unless it's one of a million things that person does, in which case it's the whole picture, not just the one thing.

It's common for *a person* to choose different versions of their name when they introduce themselves to a new group of people if they so wish.  Neither the person (a toddler), nor the parents - were the ones choosing a different name.

It's someone who had no part of choosing a child's name decided to give them another name and only use that because they didn't like the name.  This isn't a case of a someone giving that person (toddler) an affectionate nickname.

It's not a stranger, or distant relation - but someone they apparently see regularly.

I've had people in my life use a corrupted version of my name without my permission after having been informed of my correct name - believe me, it's extremely irritating.  One was my orthodontist, the other was a mentally retarded aunt.  Only the aunt got a pass. . .(she put an "eeee" on the end of *everyone's* name.)  I had a teacher who would use a shortened version of my name - I honestly didn't know to whom he was speaking because it wasn't my name.

[LucyStoner]

Are we talking…

A. a nickname in the vein of calling Samantha “Sam”

B. or is it more like calling Samantha a pet name like “Princess”

C. or TOTALLY substituting a name that is different and totally unrelated to Samantha?  Like Joanie because Grandma Joan wishes the child had been named after them?  Usually this thing is paired with trying to get others to use Joanie too.  

I would find a and b way less of an issue than c.  

As a Kathleen married to a Joshua, I can assure you that bristling at A is a losing battle.  B might be more of an affectionate thing. Maybe a little annoying but so long as they aren’t lobbying for that name to replace the actual name/getting everyone to use it, I would say let it go.  And such nicknames may just be part of a family’s culture.  

C however is totally wrong, and I would correct them every.single.time until they stopped.    

Edited December 3, 2022 by LucyStoner

[Wheres Toto]

I've had random people call me by a nickname that I don't generally use my entire life.    People who meet me for the first time will call me Dottie.   One of my high school teachers did it and I didn't realize he was talking to me.   Mostly it's older ladies that will do it.  I generally just let it go.

From the other side, my MIL hated Georgie as a nickname for George (it's dh's and my son's names) and I always called my son Georgie.  

[fraidycat]

It's not benign if the person knows the parent doesn't like it.

However, it's impossible to control other people's actions, so in the grand scheme of things, there is not a lot a person can do except state that they'd prefer the person use the child's given name.

Nicknames are terms of endearment in our family - my grandpa gave every grandkid a non-name-related nickname that only he used for us, so I don't think it's weird to give nicknames. Mine was Brat (it was used as an endearment and not in a derogatory manner) My siblings were Squeak and Worm. I can't remember my cousins' nicknames, but every one of them could tell you what their's was. Grandpa passed 26 years ago, so it's been a long time, but we do sometimes reminisce fondly about our "grandpa names".

I would say I probably address my own kids about 50% by their given names and 50% by nickname.

[Annie G]

38 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Why did people keep letting him get away with it? That kind of thing would not fly in our family. 

But we sort of keep that whole "passive" thing out of the "aggressive," so maybe that's why. 😉 

My sister is the family ‘peacemaker’ and didn’t call him on it forcefully enough. And if she doesn’t the rest of us can’t either.   
Brother is the youngest and  almighty boy my dad always wanted. He’s always gotten away with things. I’ve called him on things before and I was the one who paid the price. 
Not even much ‘fun’ in our dysfunctional family. 

[gardenmom5]

1 minute ago, Annie G said:

My sister is the family ‘peacemaker’ and didn’t call him on it forcefully enough. And if she doesn’t the rest of us can’t either.   
Brother is the youngest and  almighty boy my dad always wanted. He’s always gotten away with things. I’ve called him on things before and I was the one who paid the price. 
Not even much ‘fun’ in our dysfunctional family. 

You have my sympathy.  That was my brother - but it was started by my maternal grandmother because he was "the boy".  If I objected - I was also the one who paid the price.  Now, our grandmother is dead, our mother is dead - and no one is left who will tolerate his behavior.  Not even his own kids will talk to him because he's so obnoxious.

If your brother doesn't change - the world won't tolerate his behavior.

[stephanier.1765]

My great grandmother was not a fan of my name and would change the ending to a sound she preferred. So, instead of a "nee" sound, she would use "nuh". I remember asking my mother once about it, she gave me this reason, I thought "huh, that's weird" and then never gave it another thought. It honestly never bothered me. I was only curious. She continued calling me by that name until she died. I never asked my parents, though, if it ever bothered them.

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

Don't move to Australia. Just about everyone has a nickname.  It is usually short and often doesn't have anything to do with the person's real name.

When our neighbours moved beside us 20 years ago we thought they had 8 grown up children. Took us about 4 years to work out there were only 4

Edited December 4, 2022 by Melissa in Australia

[Tanaqui]

Quote

 

It's common for *a person* to choose different versions of their name when they introduce themselves to a new group of people if they so wish.  Neither the person (a toddler), nor the parents - were the ones choosing a different name.

It's someone who had no part of choosing a child's name decided to give them another name and only use that because they didn't like the name.  This isn't a case of a someone giving that person (toddler) an affectionate nickname.

 

 

You don't know this person or their motivation, and trying to figure out other people's motivations is a fool's errand.

But even if the motivation really is as you state - so what? Seriously, the toddler is a toddler, and if at some point they care they can speak up for themself, or enlist help in doing so. Unless this is part of a whole pattern of behavior, honestly, so what?

[TechWife]

It’s rude & disrespectful.  It’s really up to the parents to intervene. My parents did for me when I was called a nickname that is common for my name by a relative.

I do think that names are important. 
Deciding what to name your children and then realizing your name is part of your identify at some point is very personal and intimate. Names are the primary way we identify ourselves and others. The point when a person realizes this is often when nicknames come about or are dropped, people choose to use their middle or first name, want to be called by the name instead of “Junior” or “Trey” for example. Some choose to use a name unrelated to their “legal” name. 

I guess it comes down to how important it is to the parent or kid. In this instance, when the person has expressed a dislike of the name and has chosen another one to use instead, I think it is very important to draw that boundary. It should be drawn early and as often and loudly as needed. There’s a time when a personal conversation has to morph into the willingness to call out the behavior in front of others - family or close friends, for example. At some point the relative will start looking ridiculous after they’ve been corrected several times.

[Farrar]

I've known several parents who gave their children long or unusual names who were super controlling about the kid's name. "It's not Jane! It's MaryElizabethJane. What's wrong with people!" Meanwhile, the kid is off telling friends, "Call me Janie!" and "I like MJ!" It begins to feel like the name is something the parents are way more invested in controlling than the kid, which is honestly awkward. I guess I feel like the parents chafing at every little instance of "Timmy" instead of "Timothy" are being just as odd as the aunt who has decided to call him "Tim Timmeree" every time she sees him.

[Brittany1116]

5 hours ago, maize said:

 My grandma tended to call all her grandkids by her preferred version of their name/nickname even when no-one else did. 

My grandmother calls me by a butchered version of my middle name. I dislike my middle name as it is odd, and her version sounds like a man's name. Specifically, a very hillbilly man's name because of her heavy accent. But she does it lovingly, and asked many years ago if it bothered me, because if it did, she would stop. She's the only one who will ever get away with it. 

[Ausmumof3]

I think it’s rude. That said my family have given my kids nicknames that have stuck and I haven’t minded but if I objected they would have dropped it for sure. Generally I think it’s best to call people what they ask to be called.

[Ausmumof3]

2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Don't move to Australia. Just about everyone has a nickname.  It is usually short and often doesn't have anything to do with the person's real name.

When our neighbours moved beside us 20 years ago we thought they had 8 grown up children. Took us about 4 years to work out there were only 4

Chop the end off and add an O and you’re done. 
 

Although if you have a one syllable name we might add an end to it. 
 

My DD has a tonne of nicknames, and sometimes people are quite confused as to what her actual name is or how many girls we have

My son has a nickname that is one vowel away from a common name and he gets really upset when he gets called by that instead!

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Tanaqui said:

 

You don't know this person or their motivation, and trying to figure out other people's motivations is a fool's errand.

But even if the motivation really is as you state - so what? Seriously, the toddler is a toddler, and if at some point they care they can speak up for themself, or enlist help in doing so. Unless this is part of a whole pattern of behavior, honestly, so what?

The OP was pretty clear - the person didn't like the name, so gave them another.  Perhaps you missed that part.

[Rosie_0801]

3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Don't move to Australia. Just about everyone has a nickname.  It is usually short and often doesn't have anything to do with the person's real name. 

Mm. I'm quite sure the guys I went to school with weren't christened Frog, Weasel or Martinomacaroniandcheese.

[Harriet Vane]

9 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Mm. I'm quite sure the guys I went to school with weren't christened Frog, Weasel or Martinomacaroniandcheese.

😂

[KSera]

5 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

I've never understood why some people are so... invested in what other people call their kid.

I’m pondering this question from the perspective of having a lot of kids and young adults in my life who have chosen new names for themselves and going by the general principle that you call people the name they want to be called. When the person in question is too young to say, does that cease to be a guiding principle, or does it shift to you call babies and toddlers by the name their parents wish them to be called?

[katilac]

4 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Don't move to Australia.  

Or the American deep south, lol. 

You're lucky if you get away with having only one nickname. 

[maize]

I'm of the opinion that individual humans can't control other humans' use of language (or really any part of someone else's behavior) and usually shouldn't try.* While humans functioning as a group may decide that some types of language are offensive or dangerous and apply official or unofficial consequences to attempt to influence their use, most attempts to individually control what words come out of another person's mouth are neither appropriate nor effective.

Basically, you don't own my use of language and I don't own yours. Nicknames are just a tiny exemplar of the the many ways individuals make different linguistic choices. 

*usually doesn't mean never; we all have some things we are willing to fight for even if we don't have much chance of success.

[Tanaqui]

You're right, Gardenmom. I did miss that part.

Doesn't really matter. Unless this person specifically has told Indigo Blue - or somebody reliable who can be trusted to honestly report this sort of thing - what their reason is, she doesn't know that person's reasons any more than you or I do. It's just guesswork.

The problem isn't this person's motivations anyway. It is, or is not, their actions. And again, I will stand by this - if this is the only thing that's annoying, it's not worth getting annoyed by. If, however, it's part of an entire pattern of behavior where they go out of their way to antagonize this child's parents or undermine them then all that behavior is a problem, no matter what that person's motivations are or what they believe their motivations to be.

Trying to understand other people's motivations is pointless. Your idea of what motivates them is more likely to be formed by your feelings about them than anything else, and honestly, people are often unclear on even their *own* motivations.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Tanaqui

[busymama7]

I strongly disagree that if you name your child something that has a common nickname that you should just be fine with their name being shortened.   I lived this and while I didn't mind the shortened version when I was a kid, when I went to college I chose to go only by my full given name.   Everyone from my forner life adapted easily except my two oldest sisters and it bothers me.  Not like dramatically but I wish they would try harder. They say they "can't" but it just feels like they don't care enough to.  

When I named my kids I chose to call them almost exclusively by their given names and not the common nicknames.  In their teens and adults some people around them have used the nicknames and they don't mind and honestly I don't either because they weren't branded with the nickname.  I don't know if this makes sense but I feels very different to me then my experience of only using the nickname for their whole life. 

We *do* however have what I call pet names. They are ones we use inside the family but the person is never like introduced by that name and they wouldn't use it in writing.  That is also super different than giving a child a name but then only ever using the nickname.  And even that isn't really a problem if everyone's good with it but after my experience and it being challenging to change what I was called I just chose not to do it that way.  

[BakersDozen]

9 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Someone in my family has been calling a toddler in our family by a nickname instead of her given name since birth. The mom and this person rarely see each other, but this person has decided they don’t like the given name and they’ve shortened it and call the child that instead. This person is aware that the mom doesn’t like it when others call the child by the nickname. 
 

This isn’t something I would do, but how benign is this? This person is prone to doing  things like this. 
 

Do you see this in families? Is this just my weird experience? Or is it not so weird? 
 

I tend to think that you should follow the lead of the parents on this, and not call a child by a nickname of their choosing when it’s not their child. ?????

Just pondering this today. 

Given that the person using the nickname is not doing so out of any sort of kindness or "pet name" reason, I would not be OK with it and would put a stop to it. But then I have a lovely (not) mother who insists on nicknames/shortened names, most of which sound ridiculously stupid, and who actually asked some of our dc to stop using a pet name for one of their sisters because it sounded like...well, I won't even post what she said, it is so offensive. Needless to say, we shut that down immediately. Our dc have names - use them or just don't use any name at all.

If we had people who had a special/pet name for our dc and using it was done out of love and a sweet relationship with one/some of the dc, that would be entirely different. But to shorten a name because one doesn't like the given name, and especially doing so knowing the parent(s) are not OK with it, is rude and disrespectful.

I'll confess that I have a hard time with the name my dd gave her dd. But I smile and say the name, or I use "dearest" or whatever. So I get not liking a name, but I don't get disrespecting parents and insisting on shortening a name. My dislike of a name is my problem/issue, and my behavior as a result of not liking a name is my responsibility as far as being respectful and not antagonistic.

[Laura Corin]

6 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Don't move to Australia. Just about everyone has a nickname.  It is usually short and often doesn't have anything to do with the person's real name.

When our neighbours moved beside us 20 years ago we thought they had 8 grown up children. Took us about 4 years to work out there were only 4

China is similar.  It's all nicknames.  Our housekeeper introduced herself as Xiao Wang - young 'surname Wang'. I didn't know her full name for five years. She told me that with friends she went by a nickname that translated as 'Smiley'. Again, some of her friends didn't know her real name. In Chinese families, if there is more than one child, then there is no choice in my experience - children are universally nicknamed by birth order, whilst given names are rarely used.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Laura Corin

[Eos]

11 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Mm. I'm quite sure the guys I went to school with weren't christened Frog, Weasel or Martinomacaroniandcheese.

=snorting coffee=

[Clarita]

Then there's US immigration. The many stories including my parents who were renamed at immigration is nuts. Both "No you can't be a John, what is your REAL name," to "My name is Han. Ok, Hannah."

[pinball]

21 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Someone in my family has been calling a toddler in our family by a nickname instead of her given name since birth. The mom and this person rarely see each other, but this person has decided they don’t like the given name and they’ve shortened it and call the child that instead. This person is aware that the mom doesn’t like it when others call the child by the nickname. 
 

This isn’t something I would do, but how benign is this? This person is prone to doing  things like this. 
 

Do you see this in families? Is this just my weird experience? Or is it not so weird? 
 

I tend to think that you should follow the lead of the parents on this, and not call a child by a nickname of their choosing when it’s not their child. ?????

Just pondering this today. 

Wow…that is really boundary invading!

Is it common for this person to act in such a manner??

[historically accurate]

22 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Someone in my family has been calling a toddler in our family by a nickname instead of her given name since birth. The mom and this person rarely see each other, but this person has decided they don’t like the given name and they’ve shortened it and call the child that instead. This person is aware that the mom doesn’t like it when others call the child by the nickname. 
 

This isn’t something I would do, but how benign is this? This person is prone to doing  things like this. 
 

Do you see this in families? Is this just my weird experience? Or is it not so weird? 
 

I tend to think that you should follow the lead of the parents on this, and not call a child by a nickname of their choosing when it’s not their child. ?????

Just pondering this today. 

I personally find it rude.

I have a name that has a slew of nicknames (think Elizabeth - Liz, Beth, Betsy, etc), and one is grating to my ears (and the initials are really annoying too). 

My mom and her sisters all have "nicknames" for their names, and they all had a few teachers say that they couldn't really have been named Connie, it had to be Constance, so therefore, she would be called Constance in her class from then on.  

It, unfortunately, is pretty common. I worked pretty hard to make sure that my kids' names were "nickname-proof".