gift giving....how does this work in your home??

[ProudGrandma]

When it comes to your spouse and kids buying you gifts.....for your birthday or Christmas...do you give them a wishlist or do they just get you something you need or want?  Or something else?  

[Serenade]

2 minutes ago, kfeusse said:

When it comes to your spouse and kids buying you gifts.....for your birthday or Christmas...do you give them a wishlist or do they just get you something you need or want?  Or something else?  

I guess it's a combination of all of these things.  I usually try to share a few ideas for things I might like, and sometimes the fam gets me things from the list, and sometimes they do their own thing.  

[almondbutterandjelly]

Amazon wishlist or just telling each other what we want.  We are terrible gift-givers and consider it a waste of money to get someone something that they end up not wanting, so we just are very straight forward about the whole thing.

[marbel]

We don't do wishlists but will mention things we'd like to receive.

I've been "hinting" (basically outright saying) that I'd like a new milk frother for Christmas. So I will probably get one from one of the kids or my husband.  They also know there are some things they can always get: dish towels, cotton yarn, pens, books. 

[KungFuPanda]

Everybody guesses, except my son who creates a Pinterest board with links. Dh and I are not  really gift people. 

[Starr]

59 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Everybody guesses, except my son who creates a Pinterest board with links. Dh and I are not  really gift people. 

My kids have always been great list makers too. The challenge is to figure out what they want the most even though they don't care.

[KungFuPanda]

4 minutes ago, Starr said:

My kids have always been great list makers too. The challenge is to figure out what they want the most even though they don't care.

DS keeps his list very small and specific so we can’t mess anything up. 🤣

[mommyoffive]

For me I hate wish lists.  I haven't made one since I was like 9.  

I for sure do not want to make a list for dh or kids.   Nor would I like getting one from my dh. He has never given me one. My kids I don't need a list either, they will bring up things if I needed ideas.   I was done with extended family adult presents when they started doing lists with very specific items on it.  Ugh, no thanks.  We are all adults, just buy what you want for yourself and stop the gift giving and list making.  Which is exactly what we did. Gifts are not important to me at all.  I would rather not do gifts or dh and I to just buy what we want.  Or the best yet just do something instead of a gift.  Experience or trip.  I hate pretending that I like things that someone else picked out for me. 

My kids only do homemade gifts.  I think that is cool.  The things that they have made are a treasure and mean so much more than just something at the store. 

[happi duck]

We buy or save up for needs and wants so gifts are for fun, nice surprises.

[Spryte]

23 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

For me I hate wish lists.  I haven't made one since I was like 9.  

I for sure do not want to make a list for dh or kids.   Nor would I like getting one from my dh. He has never given me one. My kids I don't need a list either, they will bring up things if I needed ideas.   I was done with extended family adult presents when they started doing lists with very specific items on it.  Ugh, no thanks.  We are all adults, just buy what you want for yourself and stop the gift giving and list making.  Which is exactly what we did. Gifts are not important to me at all.  I would rather not do gifts or dh and I to just buy what we want.  Or the best yet just do something instead of a gift.  Experience or trip.  I hate pretending that I like things that someone else picked out for me. 

My kids only do homemade gifts.  I think that is cool.  The things that they have made are a treasure and mean so much more than just something at the store. 

This.

No lists here, we don’t make lists for each other or anyone else. I associate lists with letters to Santa and childhood, and the kids do include up to three wish items in their Santa letters. Often, they choose pretty broad categories for those: art supplies; books; they usually include “surprises” as one item. Sometimes it’s something very specific but often small. They know Santa may or may not bring everything.
 

 

Edited October 24, 2022 by Spryte

[mommyoffive]

15 minutes ago, Spryte said:

This.

No lists here, we don’t make lists for each other or anyone else. I associate lists with letters to Santa and childhood, and the kids do include up to three wish items in their Santa letters. Often, they choose pretty broad categories for those: art supplies; books; they usually include “surprises” as one item. Sometimes it’s something very specific but often small. They know Santa may or may not bring everything.
 

 

Me too. I find that cute.

[Arcadia]

My husband just take me shopping but he is a shopaholic and my birthday and my teens birthday are between Black Friday and Christmas so major shopping season anyway. My late mom would take me shopping for my birthday too when we were in the same country. My kids would say what they want for their birthdays but they haven’t make any wish list since elementary school age.

[kbutton]

For buying me gifts, I try to hint a lot. Some years DH does more with the kids than others. My kids almost always will make or gift me something personal regardless of what DH does in terms of helping them shop, which is really sweet. My older one has for years always bought small items as well (small gift cards for coffee, etc.).

[HomeAgain]

Dh will often get me something useful.  He knows that when it comes to daily purchases, I put myself at the bottom of the list, so he will buy me something he knows I want and helps me out in some way.  If it's something bigger, he and ds1 will go in together for the gift - which is how my car got outfitted with WeatherTech.

My children will buy me chocolate, tea, or music. 🙂 DS1 is becoming more intuitive and buys things sometimes that fall into the "useful" category.  Last year he got me a heated vest since I spend so much time in the cold.

For smaller things, dh and I just pick them up when we're out and store them for Christmas.  We're each getting an insulated water bottle with steel straws this Christmas because dh and I saw them at 50% off.

Gifts are not my love language.  We are mostly at the point where we have everything we want/need, so any gifts are replacements or upgrades this year.  Time and acts are more my thing, and I would say the same for most of the family.  We're really looking forward to some activities we have picked out this year and some foods that we love cooking/eating.

[TABmom]

I tell dh and the kids exactly what to get me. If I do not, dh will get me something I do not want. Not on purpose, he just isn’t very good at picking something out. Often, he won’t give me a list and he doesn’t get what he wants. Partly because he doesn’t really want anything. 
The kids will make lists. Sometimes I go by them, sometimes I have a better idea. List making is encouraged- I hate trying to figure things out.

[QueenCat]

We have stopped doing wish lists. I was tired of not being surprised on Christmas. It has forced my all-but-me male household to get creative and really put thought into gift-giving. The first year was rough. It's the third year this year and for the most part, it's liked by all. We don't buy needs for Christmas and usually by wants whenever. I should add that we are all adults now. 

Edited October 24, 2022 by QueenCat

[Annie G]

I don’t see a lot of difference between a wish list and hinting that I would like a certain thing. I’m not great and thinking up great gifts to give, and thus I appreciate wish lists from my kids and grandkids. So I figure it’s no big deal if I also have a discreet wish list on Amazon. I keep it all year anyway, as sometimes I want to treat myself and pick something from my list. Also occasionally delete things that I thought I wanted but later decided against. 
Christmas usually brings a combo of things from a wish list and surprises. I’m happy either way. 

[Clarita]

We aren't gift people. Well actually we are too much gift people so spouse and I have decided on not doing gifts (it gets out of hand quick). We started with $100 limit when we were dating, it kind of continues. It got weird after I started to stay at home because  I feel weird buying him a gift with the money he makes. So then I kind of asked him to stop getting me presents and usually I just do something nice for him. We don't do Christmas presents at all (the grandparents give to the grandkids and that's it). 

As a family (including extended) we are just so really bad with presents; it has served us well to stop.

[Matryoshka]

Gifts are the opposite of my love language. 

For Christmas and birthdays I only exchange ever with my immediate family, and with dh we don't bother at all (the best 'gift' he could ever have given me was to give up on the whole ordeal!! - fortunately they're not his love language either).

For 'necessary' gift giving occasions, I just ask what people want and get them that.  I will try to answer with something if someone asks me, or be gracious if they 'surprise' me, but about 80% of the time surprises are a miss and then I just feel guilty getting rid of it and resent having it around.  YUK.

My best friend, actually, is the one other person I do exchange gifts with, as they are her love language.  She knows they're not mine, but enjoys 'surprising' me at least on Christmas.  I go shopping with her and we pick something out and then I wrap it.  Most of the mis-gifts I have lying around and feel guilty about getting rid of are from her.  Shhh. don't tell her, she's otherwise awesome.

That's not to say I don't ever see something and think it would be lovely to get someone.  But then I ask them if they want it first, and then it's often not given at the 'right' time and is pretty much never a surprise.  

Edited October 24, 2022 by Matryoshka

[rebcoola]

I keep an Amazon list it's mostly to remember things and for my MIL who buys a ton but should not guess. Occasionally my older kids will buy something from that. Usually they just buy me something they know I will like. Sometime DH and I will  agree to some large thing together instead of doing presents.

[gardenmom5]

I will give dh suggestions.  He needs help.  

[Rosie_0801]

Usually at some point in the latter half of the year I'll say "What do you want?" to my brother and he'll say "Nothing" so I'll buy him a book he'd like but probably won't bother to read and/or an interesting flavour of instant noodles. At some point he'll ask me what I want, so I'll tell him. This year I want a coffee grinder for spices, because both he and dd bought me models last year that are entirely unfit for purpose. I don't know why they did that. Strange people. Dd can never think of anything she wants because she is really not a gifts person, so I buy her tools she might need and books she won't have time to read. I give a friend books that I think he'd like that I know he isn't going to read, then I politely don't ask and he politely doesn't tell me that he hasn't read them and he gives me nothing, probably not even a thank you text, but then I won't have given them to him directly either, I'll have left them on his armchair in the shed. He could throw them in the op shop bag immediately, but I think he keeps them. I don't know why.

Mostly it's books and snacks and there isn't much to get offended about, though it is annoying to get two coffee grinders and neither be any use.
Such is life. I could go buy one myself, I suppose, and neither of them will be offended when I eventually put them in the op shop bag. We don't tend to feel ownership over gifts we've given away. 

[Melissa Louise]

Kids ask me if there is anything I want.

Sometimes there is and they get me that thing - I wanted wireless earbuds this year and they got them for me.

Sometimes there isn't, or they decide to get something else, and that's fine.

I generally ask them if there is anything they want and hope that there is, because I can count the number of times I've succeeded at independent gift giving on the fingers of one hand.

Generally, I loathe and hate 'expected' gift giving, and prefer to buy, make and give gifts randomly, as the spirit moves me.

 

[Melissa Louise]

Oh, and with my dad, who is impossible to buy for, I just buy him the same three things for father's day, birthday and Christmas - good marmalade, chocolate ginger, and a book.

[Rosie_0801]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

Oh, and with my dad, who is impossible to buy for, I just buy him the same three things for father's day, birthday and Christmas - good marmalade, chocolate ginger, and a book.

Ha! When I was a kid, I used to buy the Darrel Lea ginger bar for my Grandfather for Christmas and one year he was mock offended because I deviated from the script. "Hey! Where's my ginger bar?" It seems he'd made a ritual of it!

[Bambam]

I ask my two adult kids to make lists. I still find things I think they would like, but I'd also like to get them stuff they need/want. And with increasing age/distance, that's harder to get right.  Plus one grandmother still wants to get them presents but has no idea what to get them, so I usually take a few items from their wish list and share with her so she can pick one (she sends me a check and I purchase the item - if the check is for more than the item, the remainder goes in their bank account).  One dd loves little candles, so I saw that Voluspa has a build-your-own set of tiny candles, so the other DD and I will meet up and select several for her. It won't be on her list, but since she loves burning candles, it should be a hit anyway. 

My dh and I don't make wish lists, but as I see something that I think would be useful/good for either of us, I send a message to my kids and let them do whatever. Since the electrical nail file and the push lawn mower presents, I buy my own Christmas presents from my DH. I do tell him what he is getting me this year though! 

It's hard to buy for my DH as he really isn't into things. He did get started welding this year, so we have some options that way. 

[Melissa Louise]

3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Ha! When I was a kid, I used to buy the Darrel Lea ginger bar for my Grandfather for Christmas and one year he was mock offended because I deviated from the script. "Hey! Where's my ginger bar?" It seems he'd made a ritual of it!

Oh yes, there must not be deviation! 🙂

 

[Kassia]

DH and I don't make lists for each other.  There's really nothing either of us wants.  Sometimes we'll think of something thoughtful for the other as a surprise but it's not expected or necessary.

I ask my adult kids for lists.  One always gives me a long list and that's so helpful and sometimes he'll give me ideas for his girlfriend, too.  Two of my kids sometimes ask for something specific, but usually not.  My oldest doesn't like being asked for ideas for him or his girlfriend.

There are certain things I give them every year - a special ornament and a food box (this is one of their favorite gifts - go figure) filled with all kinds of favorites and new foods.  Otherwise I give gift cards to the girlfriends and cash for my own kids.  None of my kids are settled and all but one move frequently so I don't like getting them *stuff* unless it's something they specifically ask for because it's just more to move.  

My kids will sometimes give me really thoughtful gifts.  They know my favorite thing is photos so last year they gave me a digital photo frame and filled it with pictures.  I love that.  There's one snack I really like that's too expensive for me to buy for myself so they always give me that.  My hands are always freezing so they gave me a rechargeable hand warmer one year.  DH and I like *swag* from where the companies they work for too.  🙂  

ETA - I don't want/expect anything from my kids either.  I always tell them what means the most to me is that they think of me throughout the year and send me texts, snaps, emails, etc. and call regularly.  Just knowing they are thinking of me and sharing their lives is what means the most to me.  I don't need or want any things from them.  And when they do give me gifts it's the thoughtfulness that means so much to me rather than the actual gift.  Oh, and they do me huge favors sometimes by picking up orders for me at stores that are near them since we don't have many stores nearby and then they bring the items home next time they visit.  

Edited October 24, 2022 by Kassia

[Selkie]

My kids are all adults now, and I tell them they can either choose to receive cash or give me a list. Two of them always prefer cash and the third likes to make a list. I sometimes get surprise gifts for them, too, like a book or Lush shower gel or a cool houseplant for the one who loves horticulture.

Dh and I did surprise gifts for years. He is an excellent gift giver and has given me so many beautiful things. But we’ve both gotten much more minimalistic with age, and there’s rarely anything either of us actually wants these days. So now we do practical gifts, things that we need for the house. Our present to each other this year is upgraded garage doors to replace our clunky 25 year old doors that keep breaking. For our anniversary, we got a new couch.

My kids know I’m not into stuff, so they always make a donation to one of my favorite animal sanctuaries. That is actually the perfect gift for me.

[TravelingChris]

WeLL, every few years, I do not have to get dh a gift---like last year, he went and bought very expensive camera equipment-- and that was a fine bday and Christmas gift for him.  

For me, last year, dh gave me a circular from Edward Hamilton booksellers, and asked me to circle which books I wanted. He got all of them and I read all of them.  I especially was so happy to have read about Bill Browder's escapades in Russia in January before the Ukraine invasion.  \

Kids generally ask me what I want and tell me what they want too.

[Katy]

This is terribly unromantic, but DH & I tell each other exactly what we want and get it.  Sometimes from a phone call that says, "As long as you're good with me spending $XXXX, I'm buying this for myself today."  Sometimes we buy it for the other from a texted link,  sometimes we buy ourselves and wrap it from them.  We'd rather do that than waste money on something that's not perfect. DH will still sometimes spontaneously bring me flowers or jewelry though.

We also have a rough agreement that whatever DH spends on himself I am free to spend on myself. So if he wants an expensive item from a sporting goods store in the middle of the year there is no complaint about me spending the same amount on, say, a designer handbag.

Of course the problem with this is that because we're both inclined to the buy it for life concept of getting exactly what you want and keeping it forever, we're both running out of stuff we want.  I can't think of anything I want now except maybe new airpods.  When my youngest two are out of the sticky, spilling phase I'll upgrade some furniture, but judging from the older kids it will be at least 5 years.

[Wheres Toto]

We sometimes try to surprise the kids, but mostly we just ask what they want.   Dh and I definitely ask each other or just buy things for ourselves and wrap them up.   We hate the waste of buying something that isn't wanted. 

[Kassia]

7 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

We sometimes try to surprise the kids, but mostly we just ask what they want.   Dh and I definitely ask each other or just buy things for ourselves and wrap them up.   We hate the waste of buying something that isn't wanted. 

This reminded me that I do buy stocking stuffers for DH and myself.  I wrap all of the gifts and wrap my stocking stuffers early enough that I don't remember what I wrapped by the time it's Christmas morning and some of them are a surprise.  🙂

[maize]

My family don't really do a lot of gift giving. No birthday gifts, though the person having a birthday can choose a restaurant to eat at and we always have cake and ice cream at home. For Christmas, I fill everyone's stocking including my own and otherwise we don't do individual gifts--our wrapped gifts are all family gifts.

If there is something I want for myself and I consider it enough of a budgetary priority, I buy it. If my kids tell me they want something I either buy it for them or arrange a way for them to earn it (this is usually also me buying it, but using it as an incentive to encourage schoolwork, music practice and housework!)

I guess we aren't really gift people? 

Edited October 25, 2022 by maize

[plansrme]

5 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

I especially was so happy to have read about Bill Browder's escapades in Russia in January before the Ukraine invasion. 

I happened upon Red  Notice in a bookstore earlier this summer when I was traveling and needed something to read on the plane. As soon as I finished it, I ordered his second book. They are my go-to recommendations now; I keep thinking of people to text, "Have you read this? You really must." His story is such a fabulous introduction to (microcosm of?) Russian corruption.  

[matrips]

On 10/24/2022 at 9:02 AM, kfeusse said:

When it comes to your spouse and kids buying you gifts.....for your birthday or Christmas...do you give them a wishlist or do they just get you something you need or want?  Or something else?  

I hint.  Heavily.  And then dh buys something else. 🙂

[Emba]

Sometimes if there is something I want, I tell Dh. Maybe he gets it for me. Maybe he surprises me with something else; sometimes that’s good, sometimes it is a pig-shaped rack to cook jalapeño poppers.

 He does not like to get gifts that end up being clutter, so sometimes I get him nothing. But if I see something perfect for him that I know he wouldn’t buy for himself I get it for him.

 For my kids I ask for a list of things to choose from and to share with family members. Sometimes I get things off the list, sometimes I give them things they need or that I know they will like that are not on the list. Lists are just suggestions.

 sometimes my kids ask me what I want. I try to give them a few ideas that are in their price range. I also sometimes tell them to think about things they know I like. Chocolate is always acceptable.

[Frances]

We only do gifts for Christmas now that we are all adults, not birthdays or anniversaries or any other holidays. And even then, we try to limit it to one gift each. We usually share general ideas with each other, although occasionally someone wants something very specific. Gifts are generally a very insignificant part of any of our celebrations, as that is the way we all prefer it. Thank goodness. We are much more likely to share experiences and/or food together to celebrate birthdays or holidays.

Edited October 26, 2022 by Frances

[katilac]

dh and I long ago defaulted to just buying what we want, generally unrelated to a gift-giving holiday. We did gifts and surprises more often when we were young and starting out, because it was fun and, no matter what we gave, it was very likely that the other person did not have it or really needed a new one. When we got more established, we were more likely to want hobby or specialized items, and it just makes sense to get exactly what you want. There's nothing wrong with valuing the act of your spouse buying your present, even if you told them what to get, it just doesn't make a difference to us. 

My kids had some years where it was more fun and exciting for them if mom and dad had at least some presents to open as well, so we did make a point of getting and wrapping things then, but we had still usually bought it for ourselves, lol. 

If we see just the right thing, presents still might happen, but they more often don't. 

I had one kid who tended to make detailed lists for Santa and one who didn't. They're young adults now and that hasn't changed - well, it's changed, because now I tell the list maker to put the specific items in the Amazon cart, or I tell her to buy stuff for birthday/Christmas when she's out. Some of it I'll just give to her then (remember this on your birthday!), and some of it I hide away and she forgets half of it and gets surprised. I would love the other one to do that as well, lol. 

We have never given the kids wishlists from us, at any age. They know I like coffee and chocolate and fun stickers and liquor, and that's pretty solidly in their young adult gift-giving range. They'll still do coupon books for small items or services, and I am quite onboard with that. Like us, they will get something that strikes them. They would never buy me just a regular shirt to wear, but they were excited to find sugar glider t-shirts for me, that kind of thing. 

Something I need is not a gift for dh to give me, it's just something I need and I buy it. People who do not share financials with me are welcome to buy me something I need as a gift, lol. 

Something else: when my kids hit the teen years and became hard to buy for, my mom and sister would take them shopping with a specific budget. They went to lunch and made a day of it. 

[SKL]

Now that my kids are teens, we want to know what the recipient wants.  This may mean we take teen shopping and she picks out stuff.  I try to come up with at least one "surprise" that will hopefully be appreciated (but often isn't a hit).

There's really nothing I want that my kids could afford to buy me.  But to make them happy, I can ask for a music CD or something like that.

(I don't have a spouse, so I don't know how that would work.  Probably similar though.)

[Ellie]

On 10/24/2022 at 8:02 AM, kfeusse said:

When it comes to your spouse and kids buying you gifts.....for your birthday or Christmas...do you give them a wishlist or do they just get you something you need or want?  Or something else?  

We don't do lists. Not for Christmas, not for birthdays, not for nothing. Mr. Ellie is very good at figuring out what kinds of things I like, prolly because I talk about stuff I like, all the time, lol. I can never figure him out, though, that rascal, but I give it my best shot, which is all we can really expect. 🙂