Teaching teen to drive

[Ditto]

Any tips?  Ideas?   I am paralyzed with fear at getting behind the wheel with her.  My estranged husband taught the other ones so this is new to me.   How did you guys do it?!

[Pawz4me]

We paid for a private driving school for each of ours because in our state kids under 18 have to pass a course/have a certification from an approved instructor before being allowed to get a permit. But before starting that DH took them out to a large empty parking lot (mall, school, big box store, etc.) on several early Sunday mornings to let them get a feel for driving. Good luck! It's certainly a nervous time.

[Guest]

We had drivers school; it is required in our state, which includes six hours behind the wheel with an instructor. But when they were first behind the wheel, we would go to big parking lots and on back roads with little traffic. Then, once they could reliably stay in their lane, maintain speed and accelerate/decelerate smoothly, we take them on busier roads and highways. We leave interstate or crazy beltway/city driving for last-last. 
 

When I’m with a young driver, I give a *large* amount of commentary as we approach new situations, like a traffic circle or a three-lane intersection turn. 
 

Lastly, though I find it *super* stressful, I do my best not to project that at all. I don’t clench my fists or sit with my neck and shoulders rigid. I’m playing a part in a movie where I’m super-chill and am just being driven by a chauffer. 

[HomeAgain]

It nearly killed me. 😄 I discovered I don't have the patience for a year and a half of constant teaching the same skill for him to blow it on 3 tests.  (Seriously, what kid ACCELERATES when they get to the railroad tracks??)

BUT,

We started with very easy areas.  I took my kid to the ball field to start out.  During the day, no sports going on, all he had to do was practice parking, making turns, and backing up.  We had a large empty lot for this with minimal barriers.  From there we branched out to our neighborhood, which had plenty of mostly empty streets.  Every day he practiced parallel parking (I got a month into this before I had him watch a youtube video, and then he had it), he practiced the beginning skills of the test, and he worked on a specific skill of the day: left hand turns, right hand turns, emergency stops, changing lanes, etc.

First test he bombed because he panicked and ran the tracks.  He was so unsure we went back to the beginning and gently went through everything again. Second test a year later he spazzed and didn't do all his looking doing a three point turn.  Three months later he tapped the barrier at the parallel parking.  My husband gave me a fitbit for mother's day that year, and the kid had his 4th test the day after.  Parents are required to be in the car, and my fitbit showed my pulse to be through the roof for that 15 minutes. 😄

Next kid is going to the driving school.

[Tenaj]

We start out in our neighborhood and then eventually get to highway and city driving.  My kids play sports in a city about 30 minutes away from our house so once they can do the highway driving they get a lot of practice just in our normal routine.  None have gone for their license until they were eighteen mostly because I don't want to pay insurance rates for teenage boys.  Be sure they usually get their permits by sixteen they end up with a lot of driving time before the license.

Now I'll tell you about my current 18yods who got his permit at 16 but about two weeks later declared that I "yelled" at him when he was driving in a parking lot.  (He was cutting across parking spots in a mostly empty lot and I told him to stop so I could give him some instruction about staying in your lane even in a parking lot).  He decided at that point that he wouldn't drive with me any more so he is now 18 with no permit, license or driving experience.  About two weeks before his 18th birthday he casually mentioned that he was excited that he would be able to get his license on his birthday! -lol!  I explained that he could do what he wanted regarding that but that I didn't allow drivers with no experience to drive my cars.  Not sure what his plan is now -lol!

[Ditto]

These stories and advice are helping me a lot.  She does have her learner's permit.  She did go to a driving school (required in my state too) and has had the 6 hours of driving with them.   I plan to pay for another 3 hours as soon as I can, but it won't be right now.     

If anyone comes along after this post, please feel free to keep posting your experiences and advice.  It is as comforting as it is helpful!

[mmasc]

57 minutes ago, Quill said:

We had drivers school; it is required in our state, which includes six hours behind the wheel with an instructor. But when they were first behind the wheel, we would go to big parking lots and on back roads with little traffic. Then, once they could reliably stay in their lane, maintain speed and accelerate/decelerate smoothly, we take them on busier roads and highways. We leave interstate or crazy beltway/city driving for last-last. 
 

When I’m with a young driver, I give a *large* amount of commentary as we approach new situations, like a traffic circle or a three-lane intersection turn. 
 

Lastly, though I find it *super* stressful, I do my best not to project that at all. I don’t clench my fists or sit with my neck and shoulders rigid. I’m playing a part in a movie where I’m super-chill and am just being driven by a chauffer. 

Yep, this ^^^. We’re only on our first dc and this is exactly it. I am so NOT a super chill person,😂 but teaching driving, I portray myself as chill and give loads of instruction. I’ve noticed my husband gives much less, but I tend to talk through a lot of what to do, then the “it could’ve been this” type of instruction too (ie different scenarios) We also moved up gradually with speed, so like a 30 mph road, to a 45 (he felt like he was going SO fast he said :), then on to a highway. 
 

You got this!!!

[alisoncooks]

10 minutes ago, Ditto said:

These stories and advice are helping me a lot.  She does have her learner's permit.  She did go to a driving school (required in my state too) and has had the 6 hours of driving with them.   I plan to pay for another 3 hours as soon as I can, but it won't be right now.     

If anyone comes along after this post, please feel free to keep posting your experiences and advice.  It is as comforting as it is helpful!

I am exactly where you are right now. My oldest has her permit, and I think we’ve done about 5.5 hrs in the car with her driving. It’s NERVE WRACKING!  I’m definitely a handle-clutching, yelping maniac…and I totally don’t mean to be! It’s involuntary. 

This meme recently made me chuckle. Just sub “kid” for friend.

[mlktwins]

I am teaching twins - Lord Help Me!!!

They both have their learner’s permit and we are in the practicing in the parking lot stage.  We will be hiring a driving school to get their last 7-10 hours in of required hours.  Hoping to skip the DMV driving test and utilize the driving school for that.  Not sure I am going to survive this 🤪🤪🤪!

ETA:  DH suggested we have them learn in the Subaru Forester instead of my minivan so I can have my hand on the emergency brake at all times 😂😂😂!!!  It would probably not be good if DH were teaching them to drive.  He is less patient than I am!

Edited November 7, 2021 by mlktwins

[Bambam]

I taught both mine to drive. 
First we started in a very large empty parking lot - for us a local movie theater early in the morning.  I had them drive around the movie theater, drive across the parking lot (thru the painted on marks indicating where you are supposed to park) trying to stay between the white lines, I had them drive around the building again - first one way, then another (because there were curbs - so practicing both right and left turns allowed them to feel if they bumped a curb - pretty much only the right turn!), I had them park in spaces and get out and check if they were centered and if they pulled up far enough (so many people do not seem to really know where the edges of their vehicles are), and I had them practice driving over any trash we saw on the lot (coke can, empty paper cup, etc) and then see if they had hit it (good for knowing if you know where your wheels are). We spent many mornings there before I felt they were ready to move on to the next level. 
Next level - shopping mall before it opens. It was nice because bigger so you could get up more speed, and there was this lovely area where the asphalt was starting to crumble so there was a lot of loose gravel there (excellent for practicing stopping and seeing how loose gravel changes it). There were several stop signs, so we got to talk about right of way, etc.  Our mall parking lot is curved around the building (landscaping!) so there were some greater than 90 degree turns, which is another thing I wanted them to practice on. Again, we spent several days here until I felt they were ready for the next level.
Next level - Driving through regular streets (nothing with merging, high speeds), then moving on to the high speed highways with merging, etc. 

We also did several other things:

1. I had them drive off the road (right side of car) in the country going fairly slow. You need to feel this and learn how to respond. It will happen sometime in your driving career. Better to try it out with Mom in the car explaining beforehand so you can attempt it. 
2. I looked for construction zones - and then took the kids back there and had them drive thru those. The first several ones I explained ahead of time what they would be facing, and then as their abilities got better, I didn't give any advanced notice.
3. We practiced driving while Googlemaps was telling them directions (much later in the process because she doesn't always give you much advance notice!)
4. Drove to other towns to find one way streets (we have one in town!) and to get more practice with stop signs (good size town here, but mostly all stop lights)
5. Made sure to go out on super rainy days. 
6. Made sure to drive on high wind days - mostly on the interstate for that. One was driving a minivan, so this was especially important.
7. We drove quite a way on the interstate to drive out a variety of on and off ramps (cloverleaf, merge with service/frontage road (both one way and two way), left exit, right exit, etc).
8. Talked about when/where to pull over when you have emergency lights flash immediately behind  you. 
9. Once the kids had their license, we did play follow the leader in the cars. You may never have to do that since everyone has GPS, but it is a possibility. 

I'd suggest Tire Rack's Street Survival school. We had both ours take it. It is a one day course and they teach them emergency driving skills. It was well worth the $80-90. One daughter reported later that the school really helped her when she was driving on a very rainy day headed downhill and the car in front unexpectedly slowed way down. 

We also headed to a parking lot on a hill (it is very hilly here!), and had the kids practice there - starting/stopping and backing up the hill from a parking space. Plus backing long distances trying to stay straight - both up hill and down hill.  And since we have a manual transmission car, I also taught them how to drive a manual. One kid now has a manual and enjoys it (mostly, I think, because very few of her friends can drive a manual). 

[Farrar]

Honestly, I gave up.

He really didn't want to in the first place and I really pushed because I think it's a life skill people should have (at least in the US). It became massively panic inducing and when kid gets into panic mode, he lashes out in the most nasty ways possible. I know this, but it's not fun to have your kid screaming all the worst things he can think of to say directed right at you. He's in such a good place across the board with everything else. So I decided it wasn't a hill to die on. Maybe he'll learn one day. Sigh.

[Soror]

We don't have driving school it isn't required here but they do require plenty of driving time- 40 hrs total/ 10 hrs at night with a parent/guardian.  We do have driver's ed at school but it can be hard to get into, ds didn't go to it. 

Like pp's said we started with parking lots then empty side streets and kept moving up in size and at busier times. Once they got fairly familiar with that they would drive places we went a lot. Like dh would pick ds up from school when he could and let him drive home, at first just on our road and then more and more of the trip. We did the same thing with trips to places like Scouts and TKD. We practiced a lot with places he would have to go so he was familiar with signs, roads, turn lanes etc. 

With the parallel parking we practiced in an empty parking lot then we found that we could go to where they did the driver's test and they left the cones out so we practiced there a ton. He passed his test the first try.

 

[BlsdMama]

I feel like I get the expert award on this, lol. We have parent taught drivers Ed here and we put three more through it (#4, #5, and #6) this summer. 
 

We used an online program for the initial basic education. Then we got to non complicated areas to practice. Think small uncomplicated neighborhoods, empty school parking lots, rural areas. Then gradually get more complicated until they are chauffeuring you everywhere. It takes about 20 hours to get decent and 40 to be pretty proficient. Obviously this varies - we had a daughter do hours with us and hired a pro (she was our first) and another who was a natural. Our best driver did eighty before getting his license. 

[KrissiK]

I know this is not something most people can do, but my parents live on a farm, so we just let my son loose, with some instructions, in my dad’s old Chevy pick-up truck in the back forty. There are a lot of avenues for him to practice on, but no real way for him to get into trouble. When he gets his permit we will take him on roads so he can learn to negotiate traffic.

[Dmmetler]

We had planned to do driving school, but, well, COVID. We bought a simulator and used it during the time everything was shut down, and then moved to empty parking lots and mostly empty neighborhood streets. We bought some traffic cones for parking practice. L did take the class for insurance reasons, once teens could be fully vaccinated, but by that point had already been driving for basically all errands for close to a year, so it didn't do much except for getting a piece of paper. Getting the license was almost comically easy. 

[Tenaj]

18 minutes ago, KrissiK said:

I know this is not something most people can do, but my parents live on a farm, so we just let my son loose, with some instructions, in my dad’s old Chevy pick-up truck in the back forty. There are a lot of avenues for him to practice on, but no real way for him to get into trouble. When he gets his permit we will take him on roads so he can learn to negotiate traffic.

My best drivers are the ones who hung out the most at my dad's farm.  He would do the same thing . . . I think some of my kids were behind the wheel of his pickup truck in the fields by the age of 11 or 12.  That's how I learned to drive.  Another thing we have finally figured out, is that my dad also has a golf cart that they wheel around the farm.  My kids who have driven that a lot are better instinctual drivers.  Even our riding mower helps - LOL!  I think it gives them a better sense, earlier of how motor vehicles behave.

[KrissiK]

10 minutes ago, Tenaj said:

My best drivers are the ones who hung out the most at my dad's farm.  He would do the same thing . . . I think some of my kids were behind the wheel of his pickup truck in the fields by the age of 11 or 12.  That's how I learned to drive.  Another thing we have finally figured out, is that my dad also has a golf cart that they wheel around the farm.  My kids who have driven that a lot are better instinctual drivers.  Even our riding mower helps - LOL!  I think it gives them a better sense, earlier of how motor vehicles behave.

I wonder, too, if kids who are just kind of let loose feel like they have less pressure and are more relaxed behind the wheel. They don’t have a super-anxious parent beside them making them nervous and can teach themselves and feel more comfortable.  When my dad taught me how to drive it was a total nightmare. He was nervous, he made me nervous and I still hate driving.

[SKL]

I'll be doing driving school, but I've also started showing my kids the basics.

Since they are not quite old enough for permits, I've taken them to completely empty parking lots at night.  After introducing the most essential pedals and knobs, foot on the brake, we started in neutral just to get used to the steering wheel and brake a little.  Then switched to drive, but no gas, just coasting around.  Once that is comfortable enough, then a little bit of gas.  Using the reverse to get out of steering mistakes etc.

Once they get permits, I will still have them drive in places with few or no dangers until I feel pretty safe.

I've always tried to explain whatever I'm doing when I'm driving (if it seems useful), so they get an understanding of what drivers need to think about.  I do it more now, and require my kids to sit in the front seat at times to increase awareness.  That said, it was the actual driving that finally made them realize why I don't allow idiotic screaming in my car ....

[SKL]

And I agree with letting them drive less complex vehicles if that's an option.  One of mine drives a cart around a farm regularly.  The other one had a mishap a couple years ago while trying to drive one without first learning how to stop it.  😕  So now she is nervous because of that.  But she still asks me frequently to let her drive my car, LOL.

I will say I'm not the type of person to act nervous or harp on every mistake.  I try to focus on "how did that feel" and "how did that work."  Of course things might change with actual live dangers around ... but I hope to keep that to a minimum until we're ready for the road.

[gardenmom5]

Starting in large empty parking lots.  progressing to quiet neighborhood roads.  then progressing from there.

I had one who got much of his early practice with a driver's ed class.  He still had to drive with me - and no one got their license until I was comfortable they were ready.

I have one left - and he doesn't want to drive. He even refused to get a permit for ID.  (I had to get him a state ID card.)

[JennyD]

DH is out with DS16 doing driving practice right now.  

So far we have done everything at home.  DS just used the online practice test to get ready for his permit exam, and then DH started taking him out on Sunday mornings to practice.  They began in one of the big empty parking lots at the university and now have moved to driving around our quiet neighborhood.  During the week I have DS drive us on very local errands.  It is not my favorite parent-child activity but he is doing all right.

We really really really would have preferred to begin with some professional lessons but when I called the big driving school in town and asked if any of their instructors were vaccinated the woman was EXTREMELY huffy about it ("That's a personal choice!") and I have not been able to find any other instructors, so DIY it is.

 

[busymama7]

I also do the running commentary.   It helps me know that they know what to do so I feel less anxious. (LESS.  It's still the most difficult part of parenting teens for me).  My husband on the other hand just let's them go and then yells at them when they don't do something right 🙄. I tried to turn over the drivers training to him but because of that and because I'm the one with the kids most of the time taking them places etc it just makes sense for me to do it.  I HATE it and don't do a good job being chill.  But we get through it.  On teen 5 right now with 4 younger coming up the ranks. Ive  survived but wish I could skip this completely.  

For those with big families etc, we made a rule that the next driver had to sit up front in the vehicle with no books/phones etc to watch traffic and roads etc.  This is in the couple years before their permit.  We learned the hard way that the girl sitting in the back reading for years knew nothing about traffic or where anything was. So we don't allow that anymore.   Then the permitted driver drives everywhere.  Every time they are in the car once they've had some practice.  The same reader refused to practice much(got only the bare min of hours) failed her first driving test at the DMV, six months later passed and then immediately totalled our car the next day(no one injured thankfully) .  That kind of situation is not happening again on our watch 😲.   They get way more than the required 50 hrs now.  One kept his permit for a year instead of 6 months and it worked really well. 

[Loowit]

We did driving school, but we were told that we had to take them out and let them practice in addition to the school drives.  To be honest, DH has done most of the drives with them.  I have some serious anxiety being a passenger, and it is amplified when it is a new driver.

It takes a lot of practice, starting with low risk places like parking lots and quiet neighborhoods, and moving up from there.  Our kids all had to have enough hours behind the wheel before getting their license.  I think it is 50, and 10 (?) has to be at night.  Our youngest finished his class last month.  All the classes were online except the final class where they do the written test.  All the drives are in person wearing masks.  Youngest passed his written test and now just needs to get more hours and wait a few months before taking his practical test.

One thing my brother (former driver's ed instructor) did with nephew is get a magnetic "sticker" that says new driver on it to put on the back of the vehicle when they were out driving.  He had extra, so he loaned one to us.  I think that many drivers are more forgiving of mistakes if they know it is someone just learning to drive.

[Ditto]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

Honestly, I gave up.

He really didn't want to in the first place and I really pushed because I think it's a life skill people should have (at least in the US). It became massively panic inducing and when kid gets into panic mode, he lashes out in the most nasty ways possible. I know this, but it's not fun to have your kid screaming all the worst things he can think of to say directed right at you. He's in such a good place across the board with everything else. So I decided it wasn't a hill to die on. Maybe he'll learn one day. Sigh.

I am sorry and completely agree with you that it isn't a hill to die on.  My teen isn't thrilled about it and if I left it to her she wouldn't be doing it.  So far though she is working hard (well in driver's ed) and is willing to work with me and practice.   If we lived in an area with good public transportation I wouldn't worry about it, but we just don't.

[Ditto]

As I frequently do when I come here for advice, I am taking notes and copying/printing some of your posts (without names of course) so I can refer to them later.  I feel MUCH better about this now because I have a good plan.  Oh, it won't take away the fear and stress when I am in the car with her, but I love a good plan and now I have one.  

For the couple of you who are teaching your kids now too,  all I can say is good luck and I am thinking of you!  This is not for the faint of heart.

OMG! I so wish we had a farm (or knew someone with one) so I could just turn her lose on it, that would be heavenly.

Also, I had no idea there were places that didn't require formal driver's ed and that there were places you could bypass the DMV for your driving part of your initial license. 

Thank you again!!!!  I am really glad I came to you for advice.  The hive never disappoints!  

The meme cracked me up....it is so true!

[MEmama]

DS was in a unique position when he started driving. His entire life he has been obsessed with all things transportation, including all things city planning, so he was already comfortable his first time behind the wheel (he also raced road bikes so he possessed excellent spatial awareness on the road). This is a kid who lived and breathed Top Gear from the age of 5, devoured car magazines from 8 and had been literally designing cars and transportation systems from 3 onward. Driving for him came naturally, to say the least. His driving instructor told us that he— the instructor— learned a lot from DS and was amazed by his running commentary on every car they passed. Lol

When he still had his permit he took one of those driving safety courses at a nearby racetrack. His instructor actually asked him if he races, he handled the car so well and was so confident in his handling skills. Lol. 

 

[Miss Tick]

I make sure to explicitly tell my teens that they are ultimately in charge, so even if I'm telling them to turn or merge or change lanes, etc, THEY have to be sure it is safe. They have spent so much of their life doing what I ask and rarely questioning, that I was concerned we would have the same problem in the car. 

Now I remind them that every driver is a bad driver until they have at least 1000 hours behind the wheel, so please be cautious. I'm sure the pediatrician we got that from picked it off of chart somewhere, but it is pretty catchy.

[gingersmom]

I am going out driving with my son this morning.

We began several months ago at the high school parking lot (on weekends), library parking lot (weekends mostly) and the empty parking lot of a department store that just closed.

It was my first time teaching someone how to drive and I was terrified. Turns out it wasn’t bad at all. I read lots of online instructions on how to teach your child to drive. We took it very slowly. We began with just letting car roll and using brake, then applying gas and brake and now he is cruising down the road at 60mph with me relaxing in passenger seat.

I hope to have him take the driving test in the next few weeks.

[JennyD]

42 minutes ago, Loowit said:

 

One thing my brother (former driver's ed instructor) did with nephew is get a magnetic "sticker" that says new driver on it to put on the back of the vehicle when they were out driving.  He had extra, so he loaned one to us.  I think that many drivers are more forgiving of mistakes if they know it is someone just learning to drive.

We have those stickers, too.  One would think that other drivers would be more forgiving, but DH just came home and told me that while DS was driving down a quiet residential street near our house -- on a Sunday morning, mind you -- someone ZOOMED around them to pass DS on the right.  

[MooCow]

For our oldest child, ds was fine. It probably helped that he was in a boarding school for a while and had lots of experience on farm equipment and pick up trucks on their own property. 

For DD, she still scares the beegees out of us! LOL I hired a local driving school that was recommended by my insurance company, and the owner decided to take her out because she was still struggling. I still remember when he told us that he guaranteed she would be driving the car back to our house. Imagine our surprise when an hour and a half later we received a phone call from our daughter that she was in the backseat of the owner's daughter's car because his daughter had to come pick him up because my daughter did something and stalled the car in the parking lot of a local high school. It wasn't even in a spot! We never heard from him again lol and his partner resumed teaching my daughter. They also performed the actual driver's test, and that poor woman works so hard to get my daughter to pass it. And she did! 

We also made an agreement with her that as long as she did not receive any tickets or get into any accidents that were her fault, we would pay for her car insurance indefinitely. She's 24 now and travels all over for her job and we are happily (knock on wood) still paying for her car insurance. 😁 She told us recently that in the back of her mind while she's driving, she does not take chances because she does not want to have to pay her own car insurance LOL! 

[Acadie]

We do it in stages, like many pps have described.

I also tell my teens that passing your driving test means you're legal to drive with the state, but in our family we take different destinations and driving conditions on a case by case basis. Driving on a rural throughway came before city driving, and Sunday morning city driving came before  rush hour cross-city driving. My oldest reached the last two hurdles many months after she had her license.  

Our state requires 50 hours of driving with a parent in the car, and 8 hours are included in the driving school we use. We like to save those driving school lessons until our teens have some basic competence driving around town. The driving instructor was the first to take our oldest on the highway--that seemed like a great use of the professional instructor who has their own brake 😁

[WildflowerMom]

I haven't read the replies, sorry!    We went to an empty parking lot with both ds and ds' ex-gf.   We let them get acquainted with all the buttons, seat, levers.   Then we stayed in the parking lot and practiced.   We did that a lot.  Also practiced a lot of parking in the parking lot, which seemed to be the scariest part to them.   My mom just stuck me behind the wheel and off we went.  It was terrifying for everyone--us and the people on the road!   I would not venture on to the road until they're really comfortable cruising around the parking lot.   

[Selkie]

We followed the steps in this book, which is an excellent guide.

https://smile.amazon.com/Crash-Proof-Your-Kids-Smarter-Driver/dp/0743277112/ref=sr_1_3?crid=NBYIZIT77JXG&keywords=crash+proof+your+kids&qid=1636311161&sprefix=crash+pr%2Caps%2C1195&sr=8-3

[kbutton]

3 hours ago, KrissiK said:

I wonder, too, if kids who are just kind of let loose feel like they have less pressure and are more relaxed behind the wheel. They don’t have a super-anxious parent beside them making them nervous and can teach themselves and feel more comfortable.  When my dad taught me how to drive it was a total nightmare. He was nervous, he made me nervous and I still hate driving.

Yes and no. I had one parent that let loose (let's parallel park on Main Street the first time out--too much!), a yelping, stomp through the non-existent floor brake parent, and a nervous nelly driving instructor that would freak out about rabbits a half mile away that would not even be in the road by the time I got there.

Something in between is just right. The bolded is terrible though.

I was able to be calm most of the time with my first who just got his license. He is a natural. I dread the day that I have to ride with my other kiddo even AFTER he's licensed, and we can't really use a driving school here until they have a certain number of hours with the parent. I can only hope he'll decide not to drive until he's nearly 18.

I do the running commentary but have to be super careful...both kids have ADHD, and it can be too much for them to process even when it's necessary. I don't think my second one will be able to handle conversation at all while driving for a LONG time, so who knows what will happen. 

[City Mouse]

My suggestion for nervous learners or nervous parents is to find the most rural/empty/small town that you can possibly find for the first few on “real” road driving.
 

we have a road not to far from my house that is about 7 miles long, has painted stripes, and even 2 railroad crossings (on a un-used rail line). It goes to an old cemetery and the remains of an old mining town that was closed and sold back in the 1940’s. It is a great place to practice driving without having to deal with any traffic. 

[fraidycat]

We started out on the farm. Practicing braking, accelerating, checking mirrors, etc.

Moved on to empty roads, then on to city streets during low traffic times. 
 

As they got more comfortable with the controls and better at staying in the lane properly (not too far right or left), then we moved up to busier roads, busier traffic times.

Basically, one step at a time with lots of encouragement and feedback. At first also lots of step-by-step coaching "take your foot off the accelerator here, ok now start slowly applying the brake, ok, slowly push accerator, glance at speedometer, glance in rearview mirrors, etc." then scaling back on the coaching but watching their eyes, hands, head movements to give occassional reminders.

I also gave them a running commentary on what I was doing when I was driving, and had them "coach me" on when it was safe to proceed through intersections, and let me know what was  going on behind me from their mirror in the passenger seat. 
 

They start out bumpy and jerky, but progress quite quickly into a pretty smooth ride. Good luck!

[Ditto]

2 hours ago, Selkie said:

We followed the steps in this book, which is an excellent guide.

https://smile.amazon.com/Crash-Proof-Your-Kids-Smarter-Driver/dp/0743277112/ref=sr_1_3?crid=NBYIZIT77JXG&keywords=crash+proof+your+kids&qid=1636311161&sprefix=crash+pr%2Caps%2C1195&sr=8-3

I just ordered it.  Thank you!

[rebcoola]

ODD gets her permit this week I'm so excited.  She has to do drivers Ed plus so many hours of parent supervised driving.  We will start out in a big parking lot and than small streets.  She has already done a little driving on some dirt roads with dad. 

[MEmama]

One thing I did with DS was have him drive on streets where he’d have to make quick decisions without knowing in advance what the outcome would be. I chose an unfamiliar neighborhood where the speed was slow and traffic was light; it provided great low stakes practice for honing real life fast, intelligent decision making skills. It’s important to know how to get lost without panicking, for example, and understand how to get out of an unintended situation while maintaining control of a moving car.

[Lucy the Valiant]

There is no terror like it. 

[mlktwins]

I just did 1 hour with each kid.  I am going to have a cocktail tonight 🤪.

[freesia]

15 minutes ago, mlktwins said:

I just did 1 hour with each kid.  I am going to have a cocktail tonight 🤪.

Oh, man, twins! Ugh, I cannot imagine. One at a time is hard enough and I won’t even drive with them until their dad gets them to twenty hours. 

[Kassia]

25 minutes ago, freesia said:

Oh, man, twins! Ugh, I cannot imagine. One at a time is hard enough and I won’t even drive with them until their dad gets them to twenty hours. 

We have twins too.  One is on the spectrum.  DH taught all four kids to drive.  Like you, I wouldn't get into the car with them until they had plenty of hours.  

He started them all in our very quiet development just getting used to accelerating, braking, steering, etc.  Then got them on a bigger road to a different development to practice more.  We live in a semi-rural area, though, so it isn't a difficult place to drive.  The bad part of that is that none of them learned to drive in congested areas and two really struggled as young adults when they moved to busy areas.  My ds on the spectrum sold his car and refuses to drive now because it was just too overwhelming for him.  My youngest is in college and needs to drive in the area next summer because she'll have an internship so I think we'll invest in adult driving lessons to get her driving in a busy area where she has to change lanes, think quickly, merge, etc.  Everything here is one lane roads and we only have to pass Amish buggies.  

 

[freesia]

14 minutes ago, Kassia said:

We have twins too.  One is on the spectrum.  DH taught all four kids to drive.  Like you, I wouldn't get into the car with them until they had plenty of hours.  

He started them all in our very quiet development just getting used to accelerating, braking, steering, etc.  Then got them on a bigger road to a different development to practice more.  We live in a semi-rural area, though, so it isn't a difficult place to drive.  The bad part of that is that none of them learned to drive in congested areas and two really struggled as young adults when they moved to busy areas.  My ds on the spectrum sold his car and refuses to drive now because it was just too overwhelming for him.  My youngest is in college and needs to drive in the area next summer because she'll have an internship so I think we'll invest in adult driving lessons to get her driving in a busy area where she has to change lanes, think quickly, merge, etc.  Everything here is one lane roads and we only have to pass Amish buggies.  

 

I wonder about that, too. I grew up and learned to drive in DC, but my kids have lived and driven between river towns. There are congested areas, but we just don’t naturally get there. We probably should take our drivers over vacation to busier areas. 

[Kassia]

17 minutes ago, freesia said:

I wonder about that, too. I grew up and learned to drive in DC, but my kids have lived and driven between river towns. There are congested areas, but we just don’t naturally get there. We probably should take our drivers over vacation to busier areas. 

Definitely.  Two of my four adapted just fine.  I'm hoping my youngest does too once she gets out there, but right now she is very intimidated.  I'm really disappointed that my ASD ds gave up his car.  He lives three hours away and it concerns me that he doesn't drive.  But he lives in an area where work and many stores are nearby and there is public transportation.  I grew up in Miami, FL, and don't remember ever being nervous about driving on busy highways or in crazy traffic but I grew up being used to that.  

[EmilyGF]

I'm teaching ds16 to drive and don't like it at all. However, there's not money in the budget for an instructor right now.

One thing that is helping is to start really easy (parking lots, empty streets), and then stay there until it is absolutely boring, and then still do another round or two before moving on. We have been driving to deserted suburban areas for driving practice, but now are driving around us (in the city with lots of on-street parking, argh).

Emily

[JennyD]

19 minutes ago, EmilyGF said:

in the city with lots of on-street parking, argh

Our neighborhood is all on-street parking, too.  It will be a miracle if DS never takes off someone's mirror.

[cjzimmer1]

Well, I made my kids wait till they were 18 specifically so we could avoid paying for driver's school (not required for 18+ in my state).  

Like others, start in an empty open parking lots (forward, reverse, right and left turns, backing in a straight line, parking in parking spots).  For one kid that meant probably 15 hours for another it was maybe 2.  From there we progressed to empty parking lots that have narrow aisles (to simulate a road width) and practice staying on your side, u and y turns.  Then we went out into the country and tried deserted roads.  Progressed to residential streets and then busier streets and eventually stop lights, highways and interstates. LOTS of talking, coaching and correcting with nearly every movement.  I told my kids don't expect a lot of compliments.  There isn't enough time for that in addition to all the directions I was giving them.  The two who have tried so far both tested on the first try and did very well on their scores.  Not even close to NOT passing even though both were nervous and made mistakes.  

 

[Starr]

Ds turns onto a side street that should be empty and easy for learning to drive, there's a party and cars are parked along both sides of narrow street, I offer to drive through it and he starts driving saying, "stay on target, stay on target!" Quoting Star Wars. 😂 I almost had a heart attack.

[EmilyGF]

10 minutes ago, Starr said:

Ds turns onto a side street that should be empty and easy for learning to drive, there's a party and cars are parked along both sides of narrow street, I offer to drive through it and he starts driving saying, "stay on target, stay on target!" Quoting Star Wars. 😂 I almost had a heart attack.

You're more courageous than me! I have been pre-driving the streets we'll be on and pointing out any difficulties before letting ds16 drive!