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Having our dog put down tomorrow UPDATED-post 45

Just Kate

By Just Kate,
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Just Kate

Just Kate

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Tomorrow (Friday) at 4:30, we are taking our 16 year old black lab to be put down. We rescued him from the pound when he was just 4 months old. He was dh and my first “babyâ€.

 

Of course, I’ve known this day was coming for a long time. Over a year ago, we actually thought it was time and made an appointment with our vet, but he perked back up so we were able to cancel. This time I’m sure though. His arthritis is terrible and he can barely walk. We live in a split level house, so there are stairs to get outside. He had been doing them well, only needing a bit of help to go down. Something changed over the weekend and he can’t do the stairs at all. He stopped eating (including his canned food - which is how we have him his meds). His dementia is much worse. He has also lot a bunch of weight. He just doesn’t seem to have the will to live anymore.

 

I thought I was prepared, but I’m not. I’m just so sad. I went through pictures this morning and cried. He has been such an awesome dog.

 

And to make it just a bit harder, dh works out of town and he won’t be here to go with us. He told Bernie goodbye before he left (he was here over the weekend to see the sudden decline), but he won’t be home for another week and at this point it seems selfish to keep him alive just so I can have dh here with me. Thankfully my parents are close and my dad offered to go with us.

 

I know so many of you have been through this. Any thoughts to make it easier? Anything that might help the kids (they are almost 14 and 11)? This is my first time going through this, so I’m not quite sure what to expect.

Edited by Just Kate
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Lanny

Lanny

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Sorry. I know what you are feeling. Your dog has had a long and wonderful life with your family, but now is suffering from what you described.  I hope that in a few months, you will consider giving another animal a wonderful home and family, as you have done for this dog.  You are doing the correct and kind thing for your dog and the grief you and your family will experience is normal. BTDT

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marbel

marbel

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I'm so sorry.   I've no advice,  though we went through this almost 2 years ago now.  I can give you some thoughts which might or might not be helpful...

 

Our dog became ill rather suddenly and within a few days we knew we had to have him put down.  We spent a few hours with him at home before going to the vet's office, taking him on a slow walk around the neighborhood and just hanging out with him in the yard, giving him treats he liked.  My husband and I took him but the kids opted to stay home.

 

I wish I had taken his blanket with us to the vet's office for him to lie on.  They had one for him, but it would have been nice to have his own, with his smell, etc. I think it might have made him feel calmer. No way to know for sure, though.  At the vet's we all sat on the floor (he hated to be up on the exam tables) and held him and fed him chocolates while the vet did her work.  It was so hard. Even the vet was crying a little with us.  She was very nice, gave us time alone with him after. They did it after their regular hours so we didn't have to see other dogs waiting for their appointments. 

 

When we got home we took the kids out to eat.  We just didn't want to sit around the house being morose.  I think we tried to keep extra busy for a few days after. 

 

Be prepared for sudden outbursts of grief.  Of course maybe you/your family won't experience that. But we sure did, and still do on occasion, though we are also able to laugh at fun memories now. 

Edited by marbel
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umsami

umsami

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The book "Dog Heaven" is great for your kids (and you).

 

Do your kids plan to go with you?

 

I know there are mobile pet hospice groups that will come to your home, if that makes it easier.  

 

Can you plan an at home ceremony.... thanking your dog for all of the good love, hugs, walks, etc. the night before?

 

When my friend had to put her kitty down very young, we read the kitty the book "Cat Heaven" to tell her where she was going.  <3  

 

I'm so sorry.   :grouphug:

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alisoncooks

alisoncooks

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We had to put our 14 year old dog down about a year ago. It was hard because, like you said, he was our first baby. The kids had always had him around.

 

There were many tears that day. It was a sad, quiet day. Time helped. Talking about his better times helped. A few months after he passed, (for Christmas) I made Shutterfly photo books about him for the girls. They also got necklaces with a heart and a tiny chihuahua. We made an ornament for our tree that had his picture. Little things that I think they appreciated.

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ktgrok

ktgrok

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The book "Dog Heaven" is great for your kids (and you).

 

 

 

This book really helped my kids. It is on kindle, so you can read it right on your laptop rather than wait to order it. 

 

Also, try to look at this as you doing your dog one last kind favor. I explained to my kids that our dog loved us so much and would never have allowed us to be hurt if she could prevent it. And this was our chance to do the same for her. That she was hurting, and dying, and we couldn't make her better but we could make dying a bit easier. We were helping make dying better for her, is all. That is the truth.

 

Also, your vet wouldn't do it if it wasn't the right thing to do. 

 

You are doing the right thing. 

 

I fully believe there are dogs in heaven, because it wouldn't be heaven if they weren't there. 

 

And yes, the best thing to fill a dog shaped hole in your heart is another dog. For some people that takes a long time. For me, I knew our dog was going to go soon so I actually adopted a puppy before we put her down. If I hadn't already had that puppy at home I would have headed to the shelter right from the vet's office....I can't have time in between at all. I need to sleep that night curled up with a dog. 

 

In fact, when I was crying that night I told my husband I was going to sleep in the other room with the puppy. That I loved him (my DH) very much, but he wasn't a dog. And I needed warm fur to heal. 

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plansrme

plansrme

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The vet will probably give you the option to stay or wait in the lobby.  STAY!  I ended up taking my 14 yo golden retriever alone because my husband had a conflict, and I have always been glad that I was there at the end.  And it is hard for you; it is not hard for the dog.  My dog was not scared or anxious at all.  The vet handled it very sensitively; just don't be embarrassed about being a blubbering mess.  They've seen it before.

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Just Kate

Just Kate

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Thank you all so much for the kind words and prayers. I have been expecting this for so long (who would have guessed he’d live to age 16!!) so I really thought I’d be better able to handle it. I am so so sad though.

 

We already have another dog, so I think that will help some. We had her for almost four years!!! I got her on a whim because it hit me that it would be so sad if Bernie died and we didn’t have another dog. So see, I was thinking about Bernie’s death four years ago!

 

My daughter (10 years old) will not come with us, but ds (almost 14) will. Im actually most concerned with how he is going to handle the loss. He and Bernie have been pals since he was born! Bernie slept in ds’s bedroom until just a few years ago and ds always called Bernie his “brotherâ€. I know he wants to be there and I will respect that. Thankfully our vet is a family friend who I’ve known since I was a little girl (she is the big sister of one of my childhood friends). I’ve been texting with her and I know she will be very sensitive with us.

 

I originally planned to have Bernie buried. My childhood dog is buried at my parents’ house and my dad offered to bury Bernie next to her. I think that would be nice and my dad has dealt with this before so he will know what to do (I was in college when my childhood dog died, so I wasn’t there to help). But I keep wondering if having him cremated would be easier?

 

Bernie hates car rides, so of course I am dreading the car ride with him tomorrow. I know it is for the best though. Bernie just looks so sad and pathetic today.

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JBJones

JBJones

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I'm sorry you're going through that. Losing a pet is devastating; being sad is to be expected. They give so much to our lives.

I'm hoping our rescue dog (13 y/o the first week of April and a full-blown diabetic, blind) passes on in her sleep. She's such a sweetie. She will be cremated so I can always keep her close.

 

Edited by JBJones
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ktgrok

ktgrok

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I originally planned to have Bernie buried. My childhood dog is buried at my parents’ house and my dad offered to bury Bernie next to her. I think that would be nice and my dad has dealt with this before so he will know what to do (I was in college when my childhood dog died, so I wasn’t there to help). But I keep wondering if having him cremated would be easier?

 

Bernie hates car rides, so of course I am dreading the car ride with him tomorrow. I know it is for the best though. Bernie just looks so sad and pathetic today.

 

Cremation is not inexpensive, but much easier on everyone. Transporting a deceased pet isn't pleasant, and can be messy as things relax, etc. 

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Vintage81

Vintage81

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I originally planned to have Bernie buried. My childhood dog is buried at my parents’ house and my dad offered to bury Bernie next to her. I think that would be nice and my dad has dealt with this before so he will know what to do (I was in college when my childhood dog died, so I wasn’t there to help). But I keep wondering if having him cremated would be easier?

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry for you. We've had to go through this twice and it's really difficult. The last time was almost 3 years ago, and I still cry sometimes when I think of her. 

 

If you decide to bury him, ask your vet about a burial bag to put him in. It'll make transporting him a lot easier. Just thought I'd mention it, in case you went that route. Again, I'm so sorry. 

Edited by Vintage81
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Spryte

Spryte

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I’m so, so sorry.

 

Take his blanket, or one from home that is familiar to him, for sure. I’m not sure if I found that more comforting or our 16 yr old Aussie, when it was time. Definitely stay with him.

 

Oh gosh, I’m crying now, too. :(

 

So, so sorry.

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hepatica

hepatica

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I am so sorry. We have lost two dogs in the past four months. It was much more difficult this time because of the kids. These dogs had been with us for most of their lives and they are now old enough to really mourn them. My children are 17, 14 and 9. I let the two older kids decide if they wanted to be there. Only my oldest chose to remain. For my older dog it was very peaceful and calm. She was a German Shepherd and did not ever like being away from her family. So it was calming for her to have the family around her. My younger dog died from an accident and that was much more difficult. I have always considered it very important to give my dogs a good death, and that is what you are doing. 

 

Let everyone mourn in their own way. Some will want to talk about it, and some may not. Pets are family members, and it is hard. Don't hesitate to tell people around you, so they can understand that you are grieving. We decided on cremation for both our dogs. It is nice to do something to memorialize them. We will be planting a tree with the ashes this spring.

 

Give yourself some space and time, but, in time,  a new puppy can be very healing. :grouphug:

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MorningGlory

MorningGlory

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I am so so sorry.  :grouphug:

 

(When we had to put our 14 year old black lab down, we all wrote messages to her on her tennis ball...and buried her ball with her. We also kept her collar and have it hanging by our utility room entrance from the garage. She will never be forgotten!)

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

So hard.  I didn't read the responses so this may have been mentioned.  I was so sad when our 7 year old border collie died.  He was diagnosed with cancer one week and he died the next.  It was very fast and unexpected.  I couldn't quite move on until we went to the pound and adopted a 6 month old puppy.  I know that this may seem contrary to what you should do, but it helped a lot.  The house just felt so empty without a dog.  The new dog didn't replace our precious border collie but it helped us all move on in a good way.  We went with a little hound mix and their personalities are so very different.  But they both needed love and a family and we have been blessed to be able to give that to them.  

Edited by Attolia
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Just Kate

Just Kate

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Well, it’s over now. My dad, ds, and I took Bernie to the vet yesterday for the last time. Bernie had declined so much over the last week and I knew that it had to be done, but oh my goodness it was so hard. I think I mentioned that the vet has been a family friend for years? She cried with us. She was so kind and that helped a lot. She pointed out that Bernie had a mass on his shoulder, which for some crazy reason I hadn’t noticed (it was obvious when she showed me). She said it could have come on quickly and that’s probably what caused his sudden decline. So he likely had cancer. Poor old dog.

 

They asked if I wanted a casting of Bernie’s paw print, which I did. That was $20 extra. So imagine my surprise when I went to pay after everything was done and the cost was only $20-something. I knew that was for the paw print, but I assumed they Had made a mistake about the total cost. But nope, our vet didn’t charge us to have Bernie put down. I thought that was so sweet of her.

 

When we arrived at my parents house, my dad already had the hole dug to bury Bernie. My dad is so thoughtful about things like this. He brought out a speaker and played an instrumental version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and then he read a poem that he wrote about Bernie’s life (my dad always writes poems about things). Finally he and ds shoveled the dirt back into the hole. So we got to have a funeral for Bernie, which was so kind and thoughtful.

 

The night before, I spent time looking through family pictures. Dh and I got Bernie about two years after we got married. So many of those picture were hiking with Bernie, taking Bernie to the park, etc. but then, two years later we had our first child. From then on, the picture were mostly of the kids, but Bernie was in ththe background of almost all of them. I think that his 16 years of life really showcases the passage of time through my life - from being young newlyweds, having babies and then little kids, to now, when dh is gone for work most of the time and the kids are older and much more self-sufficient. Bernie was just a constant part of our lives. He was such a special dog and I will never, ever forget him.

Edited by Just Kate
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scrapbookbuzz

scrapbookbuzz

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You can never be fully prepared for the death of a loved one. Even if you did "know it was coming." I will tell you now something I've been learning recently, going through a GriefShare class. Grief is not just emotional, it is physiological as well. So when you feel yourself "just thoroughly exhausted" one day, and you haven't been working or working out rigorously, that's the grief. It's okay to mourn, it's okay to cry, and it's okay to draw away from folks, even family, for a short time, just to let yourself process and heal.

 

I am truly sorry for your loss. Bernie was very much a part of your family, and will continue to be through those wonderful memories you have of him! Cherish those!  :grouphug:

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