Family Size

[Elizabeth86]

Being that I'm pregnant with #4 this is on my mind a lot.

 

My questions for you

 

How many kids do you have?

 

Do you plan on more?

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies?

 

For me we have 3 and 1 on the way. They will be newborn, 2, 5 and 6.

 

I want at least 1 maybe 2 more, BUT I'm taking a break to focus on the babies I have for a while. I suck at multitasking, I don't want to spread myself so thin no one gets attention. We do ok financially, but I like to be able to afford extras for the kids. We need to work on moving to a bigger house. I don't want our family to be so big it makes us broke.

 

So, I know a lot of older moms, so I have a positive view of being an older mom. I will be turning 32 right after the baby is born, so I'm thinking if I wait until I'm maybe 38ish I could fit 1 more in before I run out of eggs. I don't think I would be crushed if I couldn't conceive at this age, no fertility treatments or anything, just see what happens. I love littles, but I have a house full of them right now. I think it would be nice to have 1 small one to focus on when these 4 are more independent. I don't know. I also would prefer to keep the nest full for a bit longer. The thought of my house without kids makes me sad. Also, I hate being pregnant so much I need a break. Also, I have had to wean 3, I want this guy or girl to self wean. It breaks my heart.

 

I also don't have a percise cutoff. I know moms between 36-45 that have done great, so I just want 1 or 2 more in my late 30s-early 40s if at all possible, if not ok. So, I guess as long as I am fertile. I do feel 6 is my top number. We shall see.

Edited October 26, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[HomeAgain]

I'm too old to have anymore.  Or, rather, I'm too old to have a child and a grandchild within a few years of each other and be fine with it. 

 

I like kids, but I'm also looking forward to the time when the youngest is out of the house and my husband and I can enjoy just each other's company and do things that we've put off.

[Arcadia]

How many kids do you have? 2

 

Do you plan on more? No due to health and finances. My parents are still helping with my kids expenses.

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? 30s due to health. My parents babysat for free even when I had only one. They flew to the states to help babysit when I have two. I marry late or I would have chosen to have my youngest by 30 for health reasons.

 

My mom had my only brother when she was 38 due to infertility. She hired babysitters to help from newborn and her sister helped for free too. My mom marry late for her generation and had me at 29 years old. She wanted two but would have given up if she didn’t have another child by 40. Her health isn’t good either.

Edited October 26, 2017 by Arcadia

[2_girls_mommy]

I had my first at 18 and my 4th at 39.5. I would have had one more, so that the younger would have a sibling close in age as there is a 10 yr gap between her and the middle set of girls. But dh is 10 yrs older than I am, so he felt we were done after her (though we were both very excited to have her at 39.5 and 48.5!) Having a later in life baby has been a HUGE blessing for us. Now, at almost 43.5 I do feel I am finally too old. I know some are blessed with kiddos at my age, but I feel tired and not sure I could do it again now.  Even at 39.5 with no complications, the pregnancy was just harder on me physically.

 

Honestly, I would have had more in my 21 yrs of child bearing years, but dh was careful during years that financially he didn't feel we were in a good place for more, hence a couple of 10 yr gaps. There is a 9.5 yr gap between the first and middle set and another 9.5 yr gap between them and the baby. It is just the way it worked out for us. 

[SKL]

I have 2 kids, age 10 & 11.

 

I don't plan to have any more.  I used to want 6 like my mom had, but she was a lot younger than me when she started.  :P

 

My personal cutoff for more kids is about 40ish.  (I'm 51.) 

 

I wouldn't even plan to adopt much after 40.  I am feeling the effects of age already and my kids still need me a lot.  The other day, a fellow single adoptive mom died suddenly and left a 10yo daughter.  That scares me.  Of course that could happen at any age, but obviously the older you are, the more likely it is.

 

Plus, I look forward to a quiet life someday.  :P

[freesia]

Well, I had my fourth at 41, so I don't think that 38 is so late. 

 

I knew I was done with 4 b/c I just knew deep in my head/soul/heart that emotionally it was all that I could handle.  And I was right (and sometime wonder if I was over optimistic.  It is hard.)

 

I never really had an age cut off b/c I knew I was done at 41.  At that point, I had a 97% chance of a healthy child, which seemed great to me. 

 

Energy wise 45 probably would/should have been a cut off if I "wasn't done".  The early days/years weren't exhausting, but now that I've hit 50 (EEK!) I am definitely not as energetic as before.

 

Have what you think you can afford and handle emotionally. 

[LMD]

I have 4 and my youngest just turned 4 years old. I'm 33. We always wanted 1 or 2 more but... we have much less control over these things than we think.

 

I, personally, don't really want to be pregnant after 35, the risks worry me and I have had a couple of pregnancies end badly already. If it happens, I'll deal and love my baby, but it wouldn't be my preference. So I'm probably done now at 4, and I'm mostly okay with that.

[rainbowmama]

I have four living children. We are finished having children. I've gone through multiple miscarriages and had a stillbirth, but we've never found a reason why other than I have the more common, less serious MTFHR mutation. I can't go through it again. 

[Pawz4me]

We have two.

 

That's all we wanted. We knew allowing ourselves to be outnumbered wouldn't go well in terms of our stress level (we like to keep it low) or finances (we made a commitment to ourselves to pay for our kids' undergraduate degrees).

 

I was almost 36 when DS18 was born. I think I would've been fine waiting another couple of years. I don't think I'd have wanted to go past 40, though.

[nixpix5]

How many kids? We have 5

 

Do you plan on more? No more biological but are open to adoption or fostering once the twins are a couple years older.

 

What is my cutoff age? My cut off age for pregnancies for my comfort level is around 36yo. I am fine with others having them later. I didn't want to be older than 55yo when youngest leaves for college. This gives a couple year wiggle room if we were to adopt.

 

I love big families and atleast for us, life felt easier with more as counterintuitive is that seems.

[Elizabeth86]

Well I have six, and I turned 31 recently-ish.

 

I was good having more until everything went pear shaped with the last baby.

 

I’d still like to have more in my head, when I’m having a good day, but right now it’s completely out of the question for health and sanity reasons.

 

I’m completely exhausted, so my age cutoff was probably a few years ago, but if the health issues resolve could totally have more. I don’t really want to be done at 30, which was how old I was with the last guy. I’d like another two or three before I turn 40, but I’m taking a break until at least 35 to try and solve the health things. And if I get out of the baby stage I have a theory I might want to stay out. Or not. So we will see. I don’t think I want to be pregnant past 40 because that will have literally been half my life pregnant or nursing and that’s a long time.

We sound like we are in the same boat ish.

[Bambam]

We have two. I had my children when I was older (33 & 36). I love my girls, and I wouldn't change anything, but I will say going through menopause with two hormonal teen girls was/is interesting. 

 

That is all we wanted at our ages. 

Family size is really up to both parents. Good luck with your family!

[brehon]

Being that I'm pregnant with #4 this is on my mind a lot.

 

My questions for you

 

How many kids do you have? 6

 

Do you plan on more? Dear heavens, no!

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? I had my last one in my early 40s. That's my cut-off

 

For me we have 3 and 1 on the way. They will be newborn, 2, 5 and 6.

 

I want at least 1 maybe 2 more, BUT I'm taking a break to focus on the babies I have for a while. I suck at multitasking, I don't want to spread myself so thin no one gets attention. We do ok financially, but I like to be able to afford extras for the kids. We need to work on moving to a bigger house. I don't want our family to be so big it makes us broke.

 

So, I know a lot of older moms, so I have a positive view of being an older mom. I will be turning 32 right after the baby is born, so I'm thinking if I wait until I'm maybe 38ish I could fit 1 more in before I run out of eggs. I don't think I would be crushed if I couldn't conceive at this age, no fertility treatments or anything, just see what happens. I love littles, but I have a house full of them right now. I think it would be nice to have 1 small one to focus on when these 4 are more independent. I don't know. I also would prefer to keep the nest full for a bit longer. The thought of my house without kids makes me sad. Also, I hate being pregnant so much I need a break. Also, I have had to wean 3, I want this guy or girl to self wean. It breaks my heart.

 

There usually is a trade-off between having lots of children and being able to do/have things for them. Perhaps I should say there's a definite trade-off in my family. Finances are a very big concern for me. College costs are a huge worry - I can't save enough for even one of them to attend, let alone six. Physically, having my youngest when I did took a huge toll on my health. Huge. And I was very healthy up until then.

 

I'm probably being a real downer; I'm sorry. I've been smacked upside the head with some rather unpleasant realizations over the past week and I'm still dealing with them.

[PhotoGal]

We have 5 and it is too many. :)  But that is with a lot of special needs, etc.

 

Now that one of them is a teenager, I have a whole different outlook. I wanted more kids to have more adult kids - I was picturing big family get-togethers, etc. But now I see that the relationship we will have is probably not what I imagined. The teenage years are long and I feel like there will be a certain amount of damage done during that time. I guess I won't know until we actually get there but right now I think less kids is better. ;)

[gardenmom5]

Being that I'm pregnant with #4 this is on my mind a lot.

 

My questions for you

 

How many kids do you have?

 

Do you plan on more?

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies?

 

 

I have five.

I'm done.  Yeah menopause.

I had planned to be done by my early 30's. . . . . . . babies can come when they want.  I had dudeling in my 40's - the year my oldest graduated from college.   people often think she's the mom when we're out in public together.

 

eta: despite the huge age difference between the four older ones and dudeling, they all have great relationships.

Edited October 26, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Elizabeth86]

We have two. I had my children when I was older (33 & 36). I love my girls, and I wouldn't change anything, but I will say going through menopause with two hormonal teen girls was/is interesting.

 

That is all we wanted at our ages.

Family size is really up to both parents. Good luck with your family!

Thanks. You are right it is uo to both parents. Dh has left it up to me. He feels he could be done with 4 he would be content, but would love as many as I would have. He knows I do the majority of childcare, so he leaves that to me to decide. Edited October 26, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[gardenmom5]

a word of warning . . . . I know a couple who she said she only wanted four, and was quite adamant.  her dh felt strongly they were supposed to have five . .. . her fourth pregnancy,

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.

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.was twins.

[busymama7]

We have had ten but one was stillborn at term. We are raising 9 ages 3-20. I will be 41 in Jan and would love another or two. We don't feel done but I haven't gotten pregnant since my youngest was born even after she weaned at 2.

[alisoncooks]

a word of warning . . . . I know a couple who she said she only wanted four, and was quite adamant. her dh felt strongly they were supposed to have five . .. . her fourth pregnancy,

.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

.was twins.

My little brother conceded to his wife to try for a third.

They welcomed twins in July. :p (For a total of 4 under age 3.)

 

 

For me: We have two and I'm 37. We never tried for more because I couldn't face the all-day, 9-month morning sickness again. I do have some wistfulness about not having more, but it was the right decision in the long run. DH had a long fight with cancer a few years ago, and I'm very glad I only had the two to take care of during that time. Plus, we're so loaded with medical debt, I worry about college and such for tha two we have.

[Elizabeth86]

a word of warning . . . . I know a couple who she said she only wanted four, and was quite adamant. her dh felt strongly they were supposed to have five . .. . her fourth pregnancy,

.

.

.

.

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.

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.

.was twins.

I keep this in mind. My grandma was a twin and they were born when their mother was 48. I imagine she was very shocked. :lol:

[Selkie]

We have three, which is just what we wanted. We had originally thought about having four, but decided that three was the perfect number as far as having enough time, money, and energy for each child. I had my youngest when I was 33 (I'm 48 now).

 

Today I saw someone I know who just had a surprise baby in her 40's (her other kids are late teens/young adults). All I could think was oh man, am I ever glad that's not me. The thought of having a little one at this point in my life is just exhausting! 

[AnnE-girl]

We have three, with a seven year gap between number two and three. I’m 36. We’d accept any babies God decides to give us, but currently practice NFP (fairly loosely) because I can’t assertively say I want another one now. I’m not ready to say we’re completely finished either. Does that make sense? My third pregnancy was hard and recovering from pregnancy and birth in my mid-30s was more challenging than in my 20s. If we have any more I’d like to be done by 40. That’s getting a lot closer.

Edited October 26, 2017 by AnnE-girl

[Meriwether]

I have five. I wish I had more, but the fifth was a gift already since Dh only wanted 4. If he had wanted more, I would have had more along the way. I'm only 39, but I have some relatively minor health issues that another pregnancy would exacerbate. I already had a bad back when I had my first at 25. It has slowed me down more with #5 now that I'm in my late 30's. If someone would hand me a baby, I'd love to raise one, but I'm not at a good place for pregnancy even if Dh would agree for another. Some people think that 5 is a lot of kids. It doesn't feel that way to me at all.

My sister is due with her 8th in December. She is 40. She is feeling her age. Too old depends a lot on where the mother (and father) is physically and emotionally.

[happypamama]

I have six children. Five live with me, and one lives with Jesus.

 

I would like to have one more. I was supposed to have six children, and while I do, I don’t get to parent six. I only have five children in my van, y’know?

 

I don’t have a personal age cutoff. I was told to wait a while, like 18-24 months, after a c-section and preeclampsia and losing my newborn, before trying again. But time isn’t on my side there. I turned 40 just a few weeks after we lost Nate. (He was anticipated to be the best 40th birthday present ever.). Hopefully fifteen continual years of pregnancy/nursing that meant I had very few cycles also means that I have eggs left to release. I have “please just let me keep ovulating long enough to give us a baby to take home.â€

[Loowit]

I have 3, ages 16, 14, and 12.

 

I wanted to have at least 4, but fertility issues were a problem and we were fortunate to have the three we have.  We have not used any form of BC and this is where we are at.

 

I don't think I will ever have another pregnancy due to my age (44), due to lack of fertility thanks to PCOS, and also other fertility issues we have had on going.  I have no age cut off for myself, if we end up pregnant we are fine with it, but I am realistic enough to know it is not likely to happen.  I am also looking at having to potentially make some medical decisions that would end my ability to have children to treat some problems I have been having, and it is a really hard emotionally right now.

 

DH and I have considered adoption, but we are not sure right now if that is a direction we really want to go.

[Elizabeth86]

I have six children. Five live with me, and one lives with Jesus.

 

I would like to have one more. I was supposed to have six children, and while I do, I don’t get to parent six. I only have five children in my van, y’know?

 

I don’t have a personal age cutoff. I was told to wait a while, like 18-24 months, after a c-section and preeclampsia and losing my newborn, before trying again. But time isn’t on my side there. I turned 40 just a few weeks after we lost Nate. (He was anticipated to be the best 40th birthday present ever.). Hopefully fifteen continual years of pregnancy/nursing that meant I had very few cycles also means that I have eggs left to release. I have “please just let me keep ovulating long enough to give us a baby to take home.â€

:grouphug:

[MercyA]

How many kids do you have? one 

 

Do you plan on more? no

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? I had my daughter at 34 and had a miscarriage in my late 30's. A cutoff age is a moot point because DH says we're done. I admit relief. ;) I have fertility issues due to endometriosis and am in my early 40's now, so pregnancy would be unlikely anyway. 

Edited October 26, 2017 by MercyA

[momacacia]

<snicker> You're 32 and thinking of when to finish. I'd just gotten started at 31. :-) We have 4, the last one born when I was 42 (space works well for us). We're done. I've parented the last decade with adrenal fatigue and need to take care of my body now. I also want to be freer to do things with my older kids, activities, etc., and having another one would be hard on our school. If you are full of energy and your babies sleep well, rock on! You'll know what's right for your family.

[Elizabeth86]

<snicker> You're 32 and thinking of when to finish. I'd just gotten started at 31. :-) We have 4, the last one born when I was 42 (space works well for us). We're done. I've parented the last decade with adrenal fatigue and need to take care of my body now. I also want to be freer to do things with my older kids, activities, etc., and having another one would be hard on our school. If you are full of energy and your babies sleep well, rock on! You'll know what's right for your family.

Well it's something I felt I needed to think about.

[Laura Corin]

Dp

Edited October 26, 2017 by Laura Corin

[Laura Corin]

Two and that's it. I had my second child at 37 and felt incredibly lucky that all was well given the statistics for abnormalities with older parents.

 

Two was in any case as much as we felt able to manage emotionally, financially and in terms of energy. Husband will be 61 when Hobbes leaves home for his gap year and I will be 55. We started late due to fertility issues.

[duckabell]

How many kids do you have? 3

Do you plan on more? No, unless something changed

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? 35

 

My kids are 10, 8, and 5, and I'm 32. I'm 90% sure we're done. 10 years ago I would have said we would have 4-5. However, life happens and we're happy with three. Our main reasons for stopping at 3 are that we're self-employed and health care and deductibles are so high. Another is that I had shoulder issues when my last one as a toddler, and I could see it being difficult to care for another baby/child without having shoulder surgery (which I want to avoid). I would also feel bad if I started to associate a baby with shoulder pain and it affected me mentally. 

 

I was also pretty overwhelmed when my last was born, and I just started feeling less overwhelmed the past couple of years. Yet if I had one now there'd be a big gap, and I'd almost feel like I needed to have two so that they have a playmate. My husband is also done. So while we haven't taken any permanent measures, I would be very surprised if we had another one. Our lives are built for three kids right now including our jobs, house, and cars.

 

I come from a family and religious background where it's very common to have four or five kids. So only having three kids sounds small to me, and subconsciously I sometimes think the "right" family size is 4 or more. But I remind myself that culturally in my religion large families are more common, but that doesn't mean that a larger family is right for me.

[Lawyer&Mom]

We have two. I'd love to have more, but for physical and mental health reasons, I know we are done. I'm proud of myself for knowing my limits, and also a bit jealous that some of you seem to have very different limits!

[Elizabeth86]

We have two. I'd love to have more, but for physical and mental health reasons, I know we are done. I'm proud of myself for knowing my limits, and also a bit jealous that some of you seem to have very different limits!

Oh yeah, it is good to know your limits! I know in order to be happy, I have to be one for a bit.

[Zinnia]

I had my 4th at 37. Dh was 40. He wanted to be done at 40, so we are.

[MEmama]

How many kids? One.

Do you plan on more? No way.

What was your cut off age? 30, which is when I had him.

 

I'm 45 now and have never regretted not having more kids. Our family size is perfect for us.

[Momto6inIN]

We have 5. I'm 43 and I don't think I'll have any more at this point but would welcome another if it happened.

 

I have gone through so many revolutions in thought over this topic it would make your head spin. :) I have learned not to say I think I know what I want or need when it comes to family size or maternal age because I've changed my mind so many times and you just never know how you're going to feel in the future and what will be right for you at that point in your life.

 

After my 3rd in 4 years I begged DH for a vasectomy. He didn't feel like it was the right timing. Turns out he was right because 3 years later I had changed my mind and was ready to try for #4. But that was my limit. I did not want more than 4 kids. Period. 4 years later I got pregnant with #5 and sobbed for days. But God knows better than me of course and we needed her so much and we just didn't know it yet. I thought I had learned my lesson and at age 41 couldn't handle the thought of never having a baby again and so we tried for #6. We were so thrilled to conceive but I had a miscarriage shortly after. I was devastated. Since then we've had a couple times where we've thought "maybe" and been careless but have not been brave enough (or foolish enough depending on your perspective) to really try on purpose.

 

Sent from my Z988 using Tapatalk

[umsami]

I have four.  Had my first at 35, last at 42.  It's been seven years, and although I'm probably still fertile, I can't imagine having another one right now.  Four is keeping me quite busy.

 

When I was 19, I used to joke I wanted my own soccer team.  Had I started at 19, I probably would have gotten there.  LOL  Had no idea I'd be so fertile, for so long.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I have 4 ranging in age from 22-14  and when the youngest was about 1.5 y.o. I had to have a LEEP done. The Doctor offered me a thermal ablation (needed it) and tubal.  I jumped at the chance.  We were poor, the employment in our area was sparse and low paying, hormone contraceptives made me ill, and I could not imagine at 30 wanting more kids.  Fast forward and I have alternately regretted and been thankful for the decision. We have been through some very tough times that we might not have come through so well if we'd had another baby.  We would not have been able to take the chances with Dh's career to get to where he is if we'd had another baby.  We could not have done as much for our kids if there'd been another one.  But I still feel like there's a piece missing, you know?  If someone were to drop a baby in my lap and say "here she's/he's yours" I'd be scared and worried but pretty happy too.  This is why I'm looking forward to grandchildren, baby fix without the all the work.

[mommaduck]

I believe it is different for everyone and what one person can handle another may not. You know your own limits. That said, I have had eleven pregnancies, some very difficult, and eight living children. My oldest is twenty-one and my youngest is six. Yes, we are done. One of my younger sisters is the first yiayia. I'm not in a hurry for grandbabies, but I will enjoy them when my time for being yiayia comes.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 1, 2017 by Catheryn

[HelenNotOfTroy]

I have one. I would have liked to have had more, at least in theory, but secondary infertility took care of that. We don't have the space or money to do anything about that or to adopt. I think a cutoff age for having babies is very personal, I would be happy to find myself pregnant even now in perimenopause.

[wendy not in HI]

I have 4 really amazing kids. When #4 came along it felt like I had an entourage with me all the time.  Comments from others really picked up "you have sooooooo many kids! I just can't believe how many kids you have..." (from a friend with 3 kids, which, if you do the math, isn't really much less than 4, you know?)  But I love a big family.  I grew up in a family with 7 girls!  

 

I had hoped to have one more, and then I thought we could have two quick together, but it just didn't happen.  Youngest is 14 and it feels like it's too late to have one more now, though I'm "only" 41. I recently started birth control for the first time since youngest was like 2 years old and I feel like it is the right decision for our family, though if something crazy happened, we would welcome a baby with celebration.

 

My mom had her last one at 42 and I feel like having that youngest one kept my parents much younger and more vital and involved than my inlaws, so I worry a little about becoming old too soon.  On the other hand, in just a few years all of our kids will be out of the house and I can imagine my dh and I having a lot of fun being footloose and fancy free.  We married young and had babies while in college, so we never really experienced the fun of just the two of us. 

 

Congratulations on your new little one!

[Mommyof1]

We have only one and had her in my 40's. Due to health, my advanced age and my not wanting to stress out my DH again with the life of Mom and baby thing, we're done.

[EmseB]

Well I am running up on my late 30's and feel conflicted every day about having just one more. All other things being equal, if I was under 35 I'd have another in a heartbeat.

[AmandaVT]

We have one and two miscarriages (one before DS and one after). We tried until he was 6, but I didn't get pregnant again, so we're done. I'm 40 now and DH is 49. I had wanted 3 or 4, but I'm quite happy and grateful for my one. :-) 

[Ali in OR]

I'm very thankful to have the three I have. Part of me thinks that if I had been more fertile I would have liked being a mom to many. When your first has severe disabilities, it changes your perspective a bit. We knew from the geneticist that we had a slightly elevated chance for a birth defect with every pregnancy (and the chance is 6% for a typical pregnancy--never knew it was so high). Pregnancies were emotional, scary, out of my control. I had enough faith, strength, and peace for two more (and did not conceive easily). I had to be mentally and emotionally okay with the prospect of having two disabled kids and all that would cost me in time, care, and energy. My two younger kids thankfully have no disabilities. It was not hard to just be done with a second healthy baby at age almost 37.

[katilac]

How many kids do you have? 2 

 

Do you plan on more? Noooooo!

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? I had the first at 32 and the second at 34, I definitely felt like the pregnancy and recovery were rougher with the second, so 34! 

 

I liked the idea of more kids, but the reality was that my babies were intense and high needs and never, ever slept, lol. Babyhood and toddlerhood were interesting and lovely but exhausting. I really revel in the older ages. I tell my kids this all the time - if I knew how great having teens would be, I would have had them first. Definitely I am not suited to having itty bitties in the house for years upon years. 

 

Another poster mentioned emptying the nest sooner to go back to work, and that definitely came into play (I am polishing the tattered resume as we speak). dh and I don't do financial uncertainty well, and we wanted to be able to help substantially with college and such. 

 

It's good that I got pregnant with youngest when I did. Oldest was 2 when she was born, walking, talking, and potty trained. Had I waited, it would have been very tempting to skip it!

[mommyoffive]

I have 5

 

I would love love love more.

 

I wish that I would have started having kids sooner.  That is the biggest regret in my life.  I listened to family that told me I shouldn't have kids until I was 35.  Well I didn't wait that long.   Dh and I were together, so that isn't an reason.   But gosh I wish I would have had them at 22 or 20.  I didn't know how much I would love them and love this part of my life.  I never want it to end.  I want to have a house full of kids forever. 

 

Is 39 to old to have more?  I wrestle with that everyday.

 

I also think about would I want to adopt.  

Edited October 27, 2017 by mommyoffive

[Amber in SJ]

We have 4 kids.  We had as many miscarriages, some late, as we have kids.  I had my first at 24 and my last at 34.  They came in pairs.  I had the first 2 three years apart and then a big-ish gap of 6 years and the next 2 two years apart.  The gap happened because dd #2 was a 4lb baby with some exciting things, including ppd, that happened around her birth.  TBH, we thought we were done.  The months of bedrest before she arrived, the ppd after she arrived, the problems the doctor predicted for her.....it was all too much for me to consider doing again.  Also with the problems & delays she was expected to have I thought it would be irresponsible for me to try to split my energy further with another high-risk pregnancy.  When those problems didn't appear, dh started to feel like our family was not complete.  I was terrified and said, no way.  He didn't say or do anything to pressure me, but I just felt this longing come off him in waves.  I agreed to try again.  We had 2 more miscarriages before the pregnancy stuck and preterm labor started at 20 weeks.  It was a long pregnancy.  And baby #4 was a complete, still breastfeeding & on birth control surprise.  I thought about one more after #4 but my ppd got worse with each one and Dh said, "I didn't think you were going to make it back to us.  We need you too much."  

 

Now with my oldest 22 & youngest 12, I am starting to see the positives to being done.  I am so done at 47 even though there has been no sign of menopause.  How I wish there was a switch to throw where I could say, "I am all done now, you can stop the baby factory, thank you very much."

 

I can't say we ever discussed how many children we wanted, I think we just thought we know when we were done.  Dh comes from a family of 3 kids and I come from a family of 5 kids so we are right in the middle.   Our church community is known for big families (6+) so sometimes our family seems small, but we live in an area where 1-2 kids are the norm so sometimes our family seems large.

 

I don't think a pause is a bad thing at all.  Parenting wee ones is exhausting & sometimes we need a moment to get our strength back.

 

Amber in SJ