Would you leave a teen home alone overnight?

[elegantlion]

At that age, my son might not have noticed I was gone until he got hungry, especially in the summer. I would have, but we had a big dog and had neighbors close in case of emergency. 

[Seasider]

Nope. Mostly because *I*would not be able to sleep with peace!

[MaeFlowers]

I would depending if I thought a friend could stay with them and I thought they were responsible enough.

 

Completely alone, no.

[J-rap]

At 14, probably not.  

[Carrie12345]

Completely depends on the kid.

My dds just turned 15 and 14.  The older one would be 100% fine.  The younger one would be more likely to get a little nervous all alone.  I trust both to behave responsibly and am completely confident in their ability to handle emergencies. But I'd still worry too much about the younger one getting scared at 2am.

[Pawz4me]

Interesting that many kids are moved out and living on their own at 17 and 18 but according to the link they are just then able to stay overnight by themselves. 🤔

 

And it's no wonder so many kids have such problems with homesickness and being able to function on their own. As a society we tend to infantalize our teenagers. We try to keep them in the toddlerhood stage until we shove them out the door.

 

I was staying home alone for over a week at a time at 16, so it seems beyond absurd to me to not leave an on-the-cusp-of-15 alone overnight. One night. A few hours. While the parents are only three hours a way.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Pawz4me

[Lawana]

Am I the only one who babysat at that age overnight??

 

I would be perfectly fine with it if the teen was comfortable.

[maize]

It was really interesting this year though, at camp, if I signed off on it, my child at age eight could sign himself out of camp and go home without an adult. I think it is totally reasonable but I was surprised that the city community center would have this policy.

 

 

Why is this surprising--don't 8 year olds go home from school alone in your area? Here only kindergartners are expected to be picked up, and an 8 year old sibling would be acceptable.

[GreenKitty]

I'd probably drag her along. It might turn out to be fun for her.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.

 

 

[ScoutTN]

Depends on the kids, the neighborhood, etc.

My kids are not that old yet, but looking ahead, I'd say Dd yes, Ds probably not.

 

However, I'd probably take advantage of the opportunity for a fun overnight with friends or with my mom.

Edited July 2, 2017 by ScoutTN

[Rachel]

Yes, in this situation. It depends on the kid in general.

 

My parents left me at age 15, and my sisters ages 14 and 13 for a couple nights at our request while they were house hunting. The next door neighbor kept an eye on us and a couple church friends also were on standby in case of problems.

[zoobie]

And it's no wonder so many kids have such problems with homesickness and being able to function on their own. As a society we tend to infantalize our teenagers. We try to keep them in the toddlerhood stage until we shove them out the door.

 

I was staying home alone for over a week at a time at 16, so it seems beyond absurd to me to not leave an on-the-cusp-of-15 alone overnight. One night. A few hours. While the parents are only three hours a way.

I was never left home alone overnight as a teen. I stayed with friends or grandparents. I went off and put myself through college and grad school and never was homesick. I don't think one night in the kid's life is going to infantilize them.

[Desert Strawberry]

Does she have a very responsible friend that could stay with her? Or that she could stay with? I was a super responsible teen and I remember my parents letting me stay home alone for the weekend in high school but with a friend so I wasn't completely alone.

 

In our house now, I would not. We are too isolated. I too recommend pairing up with a friend. My friends and I did it in high school, and I would do it now if I had an only. 

[Twolittleboys]

Well, I just left my almost 15 year old home alone over night. It wasn't really planned - we had plans to all go away for the weekend and he basically just refused to go when it was time. Instead of a huge fight (or all staying home even though we had booked a hotel etc.) we left him at home. It went fine.

 

He isn't excessively mature, but I had no concerns about possible parties etc. as he isn't the type. We live in an apartment and there are neighbors all around so someone would have been available in an emergency. Also, I checked on him via cell phone and we weren't that far away (maybe 1.5 hours).

 

I definitely stayed home at that age on my own. Anyway, I wasn't all the way happy about doing it, but wasn't really worried either. Of course something can happen, but not really more than if I just left him alone in the afternoon etc. We do live overseas though and I think rules are less strict in this regard.

 

Edited to add: I am pretty surprised to see that so many think it would be better if there was a friend over. I would have thought the chances of mischief are much higher with two teenagers than just one...

Edited July 2, 2017 by Twolittleboys

[Lady Florida.]

At almost 15, it really depends on the teen. Some can handle it, some can't. It's only overnight? You'll be back the next day? I'd consider it in your case.

 

 

OTOH, you might think you know your teen.

 

In this case the neighbor is the deciding factor. I'd do it. When my oldest was 17 we left her for one night, middle of the week, and she had a raging party. She was only caught because a home school mom from swim found part of dd's swim suit at the aquatic center and dropped it off and told me what was going on, lol. She has never owned it, she claims the home school mom MADE IT ALL UP, lol. But it sure has been fun to watch her squirm over the years. With the neighbor I'd consider it an adulting skills class. 

 

Dss was almost 17 when dh and I got married. We honeymooned in St. Augustine which is only 1-1/2 hours away. Since we went during the week in January dss had school (he was a senior). He did have a car. We left him on his own thinking he'd do fine, and with him insisting he'd be fine. The day we came home we were expected around 7 or 8 pm but we decided to just come home early, and arrived around 3 pm. We came home to an empty house (it was a Sunday and he was visiting his girlfriend) full of signs of a party the previous night. He apparently planned on cleaning up all evidence, a la Risky Business, before we got home. All these years later it's something to laugh about but dh was mortified to think he just gave me a party kid as a stepson. :)

 

With no family nearby, no. Is there a friend that could be "on call" only in case of an emergency?

 

OP said a neighbor agreed to be the emergency person on call.

 

Nope. Mostly because *I*would not be able to sleep with peace!

 

Even if I thought it would be okay and went ahead with it I doubt I'd sleep in peace. :D

Edited July 2, 2017 by Lady Florida.

[wintermom]

No, I'd have the child sleep over at a friend's or bring them along on the trip.

[Guest]

What is her history? At 14 I had babysat past midnight for a few years, and done a week or two as camp counselor. Home alone for one night would be no big deal in a neighborhood where a watch dog is not needed. Just alert a trusted neighbor.

[nixpix5]

If she has a trusted friend who could either stay with her or you could let a trusted neighbor or friend's family know that would be ideal. Does she have a friend she could just stay with?

 

I was left home alone every other weekend starting at 14. I was not a trustworthy teen at all. I threw parties, wandered the streets with my friends...my poor parents would have had a heart attack if they would have realized. If your teen is trustworthy though I do not see an issue if she knows how to get help and she is checking in with you on the phone etc.

[ikslo]

Edited to add: I am pretty surprised to see that so many think it would be better if there was a friend over. I would have thought the chances of mischief are much higher with two teenagers than just one...

This is what I was thinking!

[DawnM]

Nope. Mostly because *I*would not be able to sleep with peace!

 

Me either.  I know, I know, that may label me as a helicopter mom, but my boys sleep so soundly, I don't trust them to wake up if there were an emergency.

 

A family in town left their kids home alone for a bit to go on a morning walk.  Their house caught on fire and they assume the kids didn't wake up in time and they died.

 

It left a huge impact on me.

[zoobie]

Edited to add: I am pretty surprised to see that so many think it would be better if there was a friend over. I would have thought the chances of mischief are much higher with two teenagers than just one...

I said stay with a friend, but I meant at the friend's home.

[Tanaqui]

I really dislike "recommendations" instead of clear laws. The effect is that you never know if it's okay or if some weird judge or social worker is going to be a real hardliner and insist they have to be 18+. We can have laws that say "if the child has a disability or in extreme circumstances, this age is just a recommendation".

 

OP, in your situation, since you're worried about it, I'd probably drag her with me or leave her at a friend's. Not because I think 14 is a terribly young age, but because you're worried and you don't want to spend the whole trip thinking something might be wrong at home.

 

But if you decide to leave her home after all, she'll probably be just fine.

[regentrude]

 I am pretty surprised to see that so many think it would be better if there was a friend over. I would have thought the chances of mischief are much higher with two teenagers than just one...

 

Oh, yes, I agree completely. Somehow, the collective intelligence of multiple teens seems to decline quadratic with their number.

Not having friends over when I am not home would be one of my most important rule for young teens.

[regentrude]

Me either.  I know, I know, that may label me as a helicopter mom, but my boys sleep so soundly, I don't trust them to wake up if there were an emergency.

 

Do you expect that to change as they get older? Or when would you feel comfortable letting them be on their own?

[Wheres Toto]

The friend thing for me would be if the teen would feel nervous being home alone.  My dd had some friends that come stay with her overnight when she would be home alone, just for the company.  They would eat and watch movies all night.

 

I think I did leave my dd home alone overnight when she was around that age.  But, her father lives fairly close, as does her grandmother, and lots of friends/neighbors she could call on.   I guess I would do it with a very trustworthy, close friend neighbor available. 

 

Is she able to cook on her own or will you leave her food that just needs to be heated up?  At that age, I wouldn't be comfortable with calling for take-out but I've had my daughter just order something when we she was older.  Is she generally trustworthy and makes good decisions?

 

ETA: for waking up in emergencies - we have smoke and carbon monoxide detectors that sound a blaring alarm but also say "Fire, Fire, Fire" or whatever the problem is.   These have been found to be more likely to wake someone up, but we also know they work because they sometimes go off if the power goes out and comes back on again (they are hard-wired with battery back-up).

Edited July 2, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[unsinkable]

Dd is almost 15. We have to take an overnight trip to move her brother for his new job and will be three hours away. She really doesn't want to go and is begging to stay home alone. She's very responsible, but we have no family close by and I am worried about if something goes wrong while we're gone or even if she's scared being alone in the house at night. We do have a neighbor she could call in an emergency. Would you leave her alone or just drag her along and have her deal with it?

I think 14 might be on the young side...but I see in your sig she is 9 th grade. So if she finished 9th grade and is almost 15 and is begging to stay home and you have a neighbor close by who would help if needed.

 

I'd lean toward yes, let her stay.

 

I did a lot of babysitting and caring for kids overnight, etc. I did get nervous babysitting.

 

But I was always much more nervous being home alone overnight. Being responsible for caring for kids seemed to distract me or take the edge off my fears. But when I was alone, my imagination went into overdrive.

 

Granted, I was reading horror novels and true crime novels at a young age. That didn't help at all. :lol:

[catz]

I would have her ask around with her friends.  I leave my kids home alone for quick errands starting at 10 and evenings alone starting at 12, so I am not overprotective.  But I'd be uncomfortable over night until about age 16 especially if we were hours away.  I think a local emergency situation would be different.   I trust my kids and think it would be fine, but I wouldn't be comfortable with the ramifications of an emergency situation.

Edited July 2, 2017 by WoolySocks

[Guest]

By that age, I was babysitting a family of kids overnight.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I said stay with a friend, but I meant at the friend's home.

Me too.

[ealp2009]

Why is this surprising--don't 8 year olds go home from school alone in your area? Here only kindergartners are expected to be picked up, and an 8 year old sibling would be acceptable.

Yes, children go home from school by themselves but all the after school childcare programs I have seen required parents to pick up the child, the child could not just sign themselves out. Further, the camps I have previously had my children at required a parent to sign them out. That is why I was surprised. Camp seems more akin to childcare than school to me. Also, usually kids go to the same school all year for a number of years, where as they only go to camp during the summer and many kids go to different camps during the summer. So getting used to walking home from the same place everyday seems a little different than walking home from camp, which could be at a place they are less familiar with.

I didn't say it was a problem, I think it is fine and appropriate. I just said I was surprised.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why can't people give their opinions without the Mommy Wars of trying to shame/belittle those who have different advice? 

[MEmama]

I think it just sounds...boring. It's not that it's just overnight. Presumably with moving stuff 3 hours away and helping your DS get settled, you'll be gone the better part of both the days as well. I would *trust* my 14 yo to stay home alone, but man, he would be so bored!

 

I had to leave him in the middle of the night last year when I had to take DH to the ER. That was fine, and it never occurred to me to take him along (I woke him up to let him know what was going on--of course he had the choice to stay or go with us). We texted in the morning when he woke up, but he's perfectly self sufficient. Still, 2 full days and an overnight sounds like a lot of empty time. Why not just ask a friend if she can do a sleepover at their house? Or at least help make sure she has plenty of plans during the daytime.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I would have her ask around with her friends.  I leave my kids home alone for quick errands starting at 10 and evenings alone starting at 12, so I am not overprotective.  But over night I'd be uncomfortable over night until about age 16 especially if we were hours away.  I think a local emergency situation would be different.   I trust my kids and think it would be fine, but I wouldn't be comfortable with the ramifications of an emergency situation.

 

This is my feeling as well. 

[Word Nerd]

We've never left DD16 and DD11 alone overnight before, but we probably will for an overnight trip DH and I will be taking next fall. I was 16 or 17 when my younger sisters and I were left alone for a few days, but our grandparents lived next door with only a small field between us. I think it depends on the kids and what they're comfortable with as well as a lot of other factors that could vary.

 

I support recommendations that leave it up to the parents to decide rather than laws that specify a particular age—but I understand the discomfort that causes since they're subject to interpretation if anything happens and why some think more specific laws would be preferable.

[Catwoman]

Why can't people give their opinions without the Mommy Wars of trying to shame/belittle those who have different advice?

 

:iagree:

 

I was just thinking of posting the same thing, Jean, but you beat me to it!

[Laurie4b]

Depends on : state law, the teen, whether there are helpful neighbors nearby. 

 

One of my neighbors twice left older teens alone. Twice there were beer parties, which I interrupted, nosy neighbor that I was. For one I called the noncustodial parent who told me there was not a kegger, just some friends over. "Dude, I can SEE the keg." He drove over and sent everyone home.

 

Interesting, but the kids were not mad at me. They knew they were being dumb. They were usually good kids. The mom was appreciative. 

[kroe1]

Not unless I needed my liquor cabinet consumed by a hoard of underage young people. (My kiddos always have enjoyed a good party. 😉)

[Kassia]

Thank you for all the replies!  

 

She's very introverted and would be uncomfortable staying with a friend and would never have a party.  She just doesn't like being around people enough and needs her space.  She's also very conservative and an extreme rule-follower so I wouldn't have to worry about her doing anything wrong like drinking or whatever.  She can cook stuff she likes and is very responsible.  Actually, she's more ready to live on her own than her Aspie brother who is doing so, but that's another story...

 

When I was 15, my parents went on a cruise and left me alone for a week.  That was before cell phones and I didn't hear from them the whole time they were gone.  The first night they left, our hot water heater stopped working.  No flood, but I had no hot water or the week.  I rode my bike to/from work (I was a camp counselor).  They did let a trusted neighbor know they would be gone.  I don't even know if they left food for me - they didn't really give me much thought most of the time.  

 

Dd will be three weeks away from turning 15 when we move her brother.

 

DH and I are definitely leaning towards dragging her along.  I do feel guilty since she is the youngest and has been dragged along for everything since she was a newborn, but she'll just have to deal with it.  I think she'd be fine home alone unless there was an emergency (she said the only emergency for her would be seeing a spider in the house), but it would make me uncomfortable and I'd be worrying about her. I'll ask her about staying with a friend, but I don't think she'll go for it.  Her bff is also very introverted and I don't think either of them would enjoy being together that long!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Catwoman]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

She's very introverted and would be uncomfortable staying with a friend and would never have a party. She just doesn't like being around people enough and needs her space. She's also very conservative and an extreme rule-follower so I wouldn't have to worry about her doing anything wrong like drinking or whatever. She can cook stuff she likes and is very responsible. Actually, she's more ready to live on her own than her Aspie brother who is doing so, but that's another story...

 

When I was 15, my parents went on a cruise and left me alone for a week. That was before cell phones and I didn't hear from them the whole time they were gone. The first night they left, our hot water heater stopped working. No flood, but I had no hot water or the week. I rode my bike to/from work (I was a camp counselor). They did let a trusted neighbor know they would be gone. I don't even know if they left food for me - they didn't really give me much thought most of the time.

 

Dd will be three weeks away from turning 15 when we move her brother.

 

DH and I are definitely leaning towards dragging her along. I do feel guilty since she is the youngest and has been dragged along for everything since she was a newborn, but she'll just have to deal with it. I think she'd be fine home alone unless there was an emergency (she said the only emergency for her would be seeing a spider in the house), but it would make me uncomfortable and I'd be worrying about her. I'll ask her about staying with a friend, but I don't think she'll go for it. Her bff is also very introverted and I don't think either of them would enjoy being together that long!

Given what you have described, I think bringing her with you is the best option. Hopefully, you'll be able to find a few fun things to do while you're there -- is there anyplace in that area that your dd might like to visit? Perhaps you could buy her a new book or some kind of activity to keep her busy during the long drive?

[Seasider]

Me either. I know, I know, that may label me as a helicopter mom, but my boys sleep so soundly, I don't trust them to wake up if there were an emergency.

 

A family in town left their kids home alone for a bit to go on a morning walk. Their house caught on fire and they assume the kids didn't wake up in time and they died.

 

It left a huge impact on me.

So tragic. Those poor parents.

 

Yes, so many variables to this decision - age and temperament of the child, proximity of emergency contacts, crime rate in your neighborhood, dog or security system, on top of which are the parents' temperaments and experiences. OP, I'm afraid you might not get a clear consensus on your question!

 

I know me. I need my sleep. Plus I know that those of my kids most likely to be in the position to be left home overnight are the ones most likely to be uncomfortable with being home alone in the wee hours, so they wouldn't get any sleep, either.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Seasider

[Catwoman]

Me either. I know, I know, that may label me as a helicopter mom, but my boys sleep so soundly, I don't trust them to wake up if there were an emergency.

 

A family in town left their kids home alone for a bit to go on a morning walk. Their house caught on fire and they assume the kids didn't wake up in time and they died.

 

It left a huge impact on me.

That is so heartbreaking. That poor family. :crying:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Thank you for all the replies!  

 

She's very introverted and would be uncomfortable staying with a friend and would never have a party.  She just doesn't like being around people enough and needs her space.  She's also very conservative and an extreme rule-follower so I wouldn't have to worry about her doing anything wrong like drinking or whatever.  She can cook stuff she likes and is very responsible.  Actually, she's more ready to live on her own than her Aspie brother who is doing so, but that's another story...

 

When I was 15, my parents went on a cruise and left me alone for a week.  That was before cell phones and I didn't hear from them the whole time they were gone.  The first night they left, our hot water heater stopped working.  No flood, but I had no hot water or the week.  I rode my bike to/from work (I was a camp counselor).  They did let a trusted neighbor know they would be gone.  I don't even know if they left food for me - they didn't really give me much thought most of the time.  

 

Dd will be three weeks away from turning 15 when we move her brother.

 

DH and I are definitely leaning towards dragging her along.  I do feel guilty since she is the youngest and has been dragged along for everything since she was a newborn, but she'll just have to deal with it.  I think she'd be fine home alone unless there was an emergency (she said the only emergency for her would be seeing a spider in the house), but it would make me uncomfortable and I'd be worrying about her. I'll ask her about staying with a friend, but I don't think she'll go for it.  Her bff is also very introverted and I don't think either of them would enjoy being together that long!  

 

Would the friend's mom be willing to let her sleep over and then drop her off at home the next morning to wait for you? That way she gets some down time and still has somewhere to spend the night? 

[Kassia]

Would the friend's mom be willing to let her sleep over and then drop her off at home the next morning to wait for you? That way she gets some down time and still has somewhere to spend the night? 

 

That is a good idea.  I need to ask dd if the family will even be home that weekend - they camp a lot in the summer.

[gardenmom5]

Depends on their responsibility, and available backup.

[katilac]

Am I the only one who babysat at that age overnight??

 

 

 

By that age, I was babysitting a family of kids overnight.

 

I was as well, but my parents still never let me stay home alone overnight. I think they figured that it was much harder to party or get into teen-oriented trouble if you had a passel of kids with you, lol. 

[BlsdMama]

I think either is perfectly fine assuming she generally has sense, knows what to do in case of emergencies, and doesn't do dumb things. :)

I would be fine leaving my 15.5 year old alone overnight.  She wouldn't, lol, but that's a different question.  I also think it is perfectly acceptable to say, "You get to go.  Hooray! Family time!"  :D

[AK_Mom4]

DD16 would certainly be fine if we left her overnight with just the animals. My older daughter would have wanted to invite a friend. The boys would have forgotten we weren't there.

[catz]

I think this news story brings up some interesting scenarios that have gone through my head when I've thought about leaving kids over night.  

 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/02/living/brutally-honest-parenting-leave-teens-alone-overnight/index.html

 

If something happens on your property while you are gone, you could potentially also be liable.  Doing volunteer work with kids and non-profits, the liability thing is always in my head.  It's not only a question of do you trust your child, but do you trust all your kid's friends and the neighborhood kids if word gets out.

 

My parents left my brother and I for a week with a friend checking in with us daily once I could drive.  So I was left.   My 15 year old brother and his friends made some horrible decisions and I was not the type to stand up to him. I have a 16 year old, I'd certainly leave him for a night or possibly 2.  He doesn't drive yet but he does use transit.  Maybe not a week since he does not drive?  I wouldn't leave my newly 13 year old with him. 

 

I'd also check your county regulations if you are going to do it.  I just discovered our county has this on the book as grounds to investigate

 

If the child is eleven (11), twelve(12), thirteen (13), fourteen (14) or fifteen (15) years old and is left alone for an indefinite period of time (over twelve (12) hours) or any of the conditions listed (blah blah blah continued)

Edited July 2, 2017 by WoolySocks

[foxbridgeacademy]

Nope not alone. I'd be okay if she, my DD, had her brother or a friend over.  At 16-ish I might consider it but still prefer they (DS or DD) not be alone.  If something were to happen you need another person to go for help.