Janie Grace Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I love to sing and haven't sung in a choir since college. Just heard that our new church has a Christmas choir. Three weeks of practice (next 3 Sundays), performing on Christmas Eve. Practice is 1:30-3:00 after church. Ds13 has his first basketball game of the season at 2:00. No problem, dh can take him. Dh just remembered he has a meeting 12:30-2:00 after church (at church building). Church is 45 minutes away. He cannot miss this meeting. (Don't want to go into details but it's important.) Would you: 1. Give up your choir experience and go to ds's game. Hopefully you'll have another chance soon. 2. Sing in the choir but just go to 2/3 rehearsals. (This stresses me out since I don't have recent choir experience but might be okay.) 3. Have 17yo dd take ds to his game and hope that he is okay with his fans being siblings only this one time. SIGH. I feel like my knee jerk is just to say "forget it, I'll give up choir" but I have given up so much of my own interests for so many year and it just makes me really sad to not do something I was really looking forward to. However, thinking of ds without us there makes me super sad too. He is an eager-to-please kid. I know he would say "it's fine" but that he would be disappointed. WWYD? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Have brother take him to the game. You have a third driver, so use him. Your things are valuable too. I do not believe that kids need to have an audience at every athletic event. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. All of my kids have had meets, games, tournaments where no one was there. They have traveled without parents to same. We also do not require siblings to attend. 35 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Yes, have your daughter take him. That is great for everyone involved. You can go to another game another time. A 13-year-old I think could understand the situation. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 There are a million choir opportunities. There is only one first game of the season. If I could go back and not miss even a single practice of my son, I would. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 One year, we had three children in AYSO soccer. Dh was a coach of the youngest's soccer team so he was already having to be there. My oldest was 13 then. He understood and wasn't upset that because of the scheduling of games, one or both of his parents couldn't be there always. We were there when we could. I tended to go to the middle girls game if there was a conflict between the older two kids games, if not always. There was a four year difference in the kids and I just thought 13 yo could handle being without a parent better than 9 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennay Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Yes, #3. He's 13. It's one game. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Have the 17yo take him. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 It is not unhealthy for your 13yo to see that you have interests, too. Would you make him miss his basketball game to come to your choir practice? That's absurd, isn't it? Turn it back around, give yourself permission to have balance in your life that includes you. It's one game. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 What if choir were a job? Would you take it off for a game? I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable by using another driver. I would have suggested her get dropped off early at a friend's and ride with them. You're important too!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I would do number 3. He does not need someone there to watch all of his games. With number 3 neither of you miss your activities. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 It seems obvious to me that the third option is the best. You are worthy. You deserve interests. You deserve time to yourself. And having a healthy balance of time with the kids and time for yourself is good for them as well as you - and helps make you a better, happier person which makes you a better mom. Be an example to them that it's okay to occasionally choose yourself over others. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 We have missed quite a few of our kids' events over the years. We got to most of them, no doubt, but when multiple kids are in sports that is a lot of games. My kids are about grown and they hold no resentment over this as far as I can see and they are very independent kids. I will add that there were times we could make an event but let an older sibling take them anyway. It is good for both siblings, bonding, etc. I have also been shamed for missing games over the years by other parents. That is mean! Go to choir without guilt :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted December 1, 2016 Author Share Posted December 1, 2016 Wow. I feel so encouraged! I struggle a lot with feeling selfish for doing ANYTHING for myself. I know, it's stupid and unhealthy but it's my bent. I am going to go with #3 and just trust that he will be fine. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I'd be asking DS how important it is to him that you be at his first game before making a decision. I've had three kids heavily involved in music, plus dance, church, and 4-H, and my husband's job requires him to be away a lot of evenings and weekends. We try to have at least one parent at what we can, but from early on whenever we ran into conflicts I've always asked them how important it was for one of us to be there. They knew they could be candid and it has saved me a lot of stressing in similar situations, because there were times it mattered a lot less to them than it did to me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 (edited) I would let sibling take him. If it was his first game ever, I would cut my choir practice short and watch at least the end of the game. Edited December 1, 2016 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 There are a million choir opportunities. There is only one first game of the season. If I could go back and not miss even a single practice of my son, I would. This is most definitely not my experience. Choir opportunities that actually work with my life are very rare. There are a million children's sports opportunities. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 #3 If Dad gets out of meeting in time to get to even a few last minutes of game, he could do that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 This is one game. I would probably go to choir if I really wanted to do it. It is great to have special sibling time too. That is an important relationship. If it were really important to the child and maybe he worked super hard and was going to a state tournament or something I might change my answer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 (edited) #3. If somebody else can take DS to the game so he can play, I would go to choir. I don't see why a mother needs to sacrifice her interests to watch all their kids' games. Parents can show that they are interested and supportive without being spectators at every event. It is a good lesson for kids to see that parents are people, too, who do things they enjoy. Edited December 1, 2016 by regentrude 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 #3- Have the older sibling take him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Easy choice. Option 3. It's ok for parents to have interests and it's ok for a kid to play a game without a parent watching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Go to choir, use the teen, enjoy singing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 No-brainer. Let dd take him this time. If it were a super-special event (e.g., championship game) I might say otherwise, but "first game in a long line of games" doesn't qualify in my book. And really: You're asking for three partial Sunday afternoons here to do something you miss and love. I don't think that's unreasonable by any stretch of the imagination. Enjoy your choir! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewber Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Option 3 vote here too! I'm so glad you have a chance to sing. Enjoy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3innc Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Definitely #3. Or even better, let him carpool with a friends family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 The sibling can take him. Christmas Choir opportunities only come once a year for a very short period of time, but he has a whole season of games you can watch. He's 13, not 7. This is a very good opportunity for him to learn that everything isn't only about the kids all the time. Sometimes moms and dads can do their own thing too. You support his interests and he can support your interests. Siblings can support each other's interests. Sometimes it's fun for siblings to go off on their own and do something together -send some extra cash with them to get ice cream or dinner together or something. It will be their own fun, special sibling event.My brother and I still do things together all the time and we're 43 and 44. We camp, hike, kayak, buy our dad gifts, have our favorite cousins over, make a gift for a relative, build a full size catapult, etc. Seriously, let them do things together to support each other and have fun together apart from mom and dad-they'll be glad you did. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I wouldn't even think twice about doing option #3. I was a competitive swimmer as a kid and I didn't care if my parents were there to watch or not. I don't think my Dad came to a single race. My Mom came to a few, but really only if it made sense due to driving distances and what not. Even at the time I admitted that it must have been one of the most boring sports to watch. I know my boys don't care if we are there to watch them. (With the exception of when they were younger and might have ended up wanting Mommy.) The only sport my boys doing is running. I have only ever seen Eldest finish a race twice, because if I'm going to be going to a race I'll be taking part in it. Since Eldest is so much faster than me he meets me at the end of my race. The first race I saw him finish was a badly organized Terry Fox run. There was no clear directions of where to turn off to complete a 5K instead of a 10K. Well Dh, Youngest and I managed to figure it out. Eldest did not and accidentally ended up with the 10K people and did a 10K. I must admit that when I got to the finish line and couldn't find him I freaked out a little. He came running in with a time of 56 minutes with a huge smile on his face. Why not ask your son his opinion. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind not having a parent with him for one game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I vote for the sibling too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 (edited) Definitely have a sibling take him. My kids get dropped at games as young as five (or taken by a teammates parents). I like to support their interests, but I think it is good for kids to see that their parents have interests too. And-for me- I want my kids to know that they do sports for themselves not for me to watch them. It will be a good dinner conversation-you can tell about choir and he can tell you about his game. Edited December 1, 2016 by lovinmyboys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Another vote for sibling. Do you think DH is considering dropping out of his important activity to go see a basketball game? ;) Enjoy your choir time! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I'll just echo everyone else, #3. The kids can have a special bonding time and you will get to see other games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I'd have the sibling take him. (Or arrange a car pool, or drop him early with something to pass the time, or let him take the bus.) I don't think parents have a very significant role in children's sports. 13 is a reasonably independant age, and I'm happy to treat a 13yo with respect for that independence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'd have the sibling take him. (Or arrange a car pool, or drop him early with something to pass the time, or let him take the bus.) I don't think parents have a very significant role in children's sports. 13 is a reasonably independant age, and I'm happy to treat a 13yo with respect for that independence. :iagree: I regularly have to dump my kids off early or have my teen take a bus somewhere. My teen is performing in a professional theater production 48 times this month. He's getting there via bus, carpool, and us sometimes. We're attending and ushering quite a bit, but no where near 48 times. LOL. I think it's good for your kids to know you have interests. If you have busy teens it's just not possible to make everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'm glad you chose to have his sib take him. If you really wanted, you could have her film bits of it on her phone (or somehow). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You've made the right choice. Your son will be just fine with his sister driving him to the game, and you'll get to do something that is important to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Yup, have teen take him. And if DH can, go to the rest of the game. I know he'll miss the beginning, but he could be there for the end. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 #3 for sure. It's just one game. Tell your 17yo to cheer extra loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Have brother take him to the game. You have a third driver, so use him. Your things are valuable too. I do not believe that kids need to have an audience at every athletic event. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. All of my kids have had meets, games, tournaments where no one was there. They have traveled without parents to same. We also do not require siblings to attend. Yes! Ds has played several travel games without us because we just could not work out attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 The third. Parents are allowed to have their actvities as well. But - TBH I'm not really someone who feels like the first game is a huge deal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 #3, definitely. I gave up a half marathon I really wanted to run because of a special, one time Girl Scout thing this fall and then it turned out that ds had a soccer game during our back-up half marathon. My dad took ds and dh and I ran the half marathon. He survived just fine. I still drove him to all of his practices (in addition to all of his sisters' practices). I ran my tail off getting all three kids to everything for the entire soccer season. It was one game in a line of games. There will be a whole batch of games and first games for years to come. It's ok for you to have interests and it's ok for you to have things you do that don't involve your children. You are a person, too. You matter. Rather than feel guilty, be confident that you are showing your children a healthy way of parenting. Enjoy the choir! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 #3, no doubt. There are a million choir opportunities. There is only one first game of the season.If I could go back and not miss even a single practice of my son, I would. I honestly don't understand this - trying hard to make games, sure, but practice? Why? Watching every sports practice is, to me, akin to watching every session of math homework, or every game of tag. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Number three. For sure, no hesitation. I'd probably throw a little cash at the kids so they can have a sibling date afterwards. Nothing fancy, maybe just stopping for an ice cream on the way home. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 There are a million choir opportunities. There is only one first game of the season. If I could go back and not miss even a single practice of my son, I would. And there are probably other seasons and other first games to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I warn you... "I'll sing in one Christmas concert" changed my life in so many ways.... and I've been singing with that choir for 6 years now ;) Sing. He'll be okay! Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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