When your children move out to you keep their room

[Only me]

When your adult children move out do you let them keep their bedroom? Do you store their stuff? My dd is 24 and moving out permanently out of state yet expects us to keep her room and store her stuff. I want to make sure I'm not being as unreasonable as she thinks I am. We expect her to take everything or find storage. She has boxes full of stuff everywhere from her childhood as well as her time away at college.

[Rachel]

It depends on the size of the family and the home. My parents kept some of my belongings but I gave up my room when I moved out, it allowed my brothers to no longer share. They did have a lot of storage space though.

 

After I was married, I was expected to handle it. I felt offended at the time, but looking back it makes sense.

[fairfarmhand]

I've already detailed to my kids how I plan to use the space. :)

 

I'm going to have my own library study in there.

[redsquirrel]

Keep her room? No. Store some stuff? I don't think that is unreasonable. I moved almost ever year from 22-30 and lost a LOT of stuff in those transitions. Some of it was important to my mom, like a rosary that had belonged to my grandfather. I have no idea where it went.  

 

So, maybe tell her you are willing to keep 5 boxes, or whatever is reasonable given the size of your house and your storage resouces. When she gets her own home you can make a special delivery.   

[Joker]

The rooms wouldn't be kept but we would keep storage/childhood stuff until they were settled in their own homes (actual home with space, not an apartment). That's what our parents did with us.

[bettyandbob]

Store a few things yes. A few things would be a couple of boxes that fit in a closet.

 

Keep room no.

[Seasider]

The rooms wouldn't be kept but we would keep storage/childhood stuff until they were settled in their own homes (actual home with space, not an apartment). That's what our parents did with us.

Same here. Except I have a couple of kids who like to travel that may be long term apartment dwellers, so they may get their stuff before getting a larger home.

 

I don't keep a room for everyone, as in theirs the way they left it, but I do keep guest space enough to comfortably accommodate all my kids should they all come home at the same time.

[gardenmom5]

moving out for whatever and planning never moving back home, but NOT a dependable long-term location - I'll store stuff.  (have one in this stage.  doesn't have much stuff.)

moving out for their own home - they can come and get it.  some things I might be willing to pay for shipping to them. (two in this stage.)

 

I have three  permanently gone.  I'm still finding stuff - and they thought they had everything. 

[Only me]

Yes I don't mind keeping a handful of boxes. I'm talking 20+ boxes and miscellaneous stuff. For instance when she moved out of her apartment when she graduated in May she just kept most of her stuff in boxes and never unpacked. When she moved out she haphazardly threw everything in boxes so I'm talking everything from dollar store knick knacks, small office supplies, kitchen miscellaneous to shower curtain hooks. Probably 1/2 is garbage but she won't take the time to go through it and I don't want to just throw it away since some of it is probably more sentimental. She literally wants to just take the clothes she thinks she will use and a few small items since she will be sharing an apartment with 5 people. She wants to leave her room like she did when she left for college.

[JFSinIL]

She can arrange to pay to have stuff sent to her or pay for a storage facility if she wants to keep more than whatever you feel comfortable storing for her (which may be one large Rubbermaid tote you can shove in the garage or basement).  If she has to pack up and pay to move/store stuff, she may well be motivated to donate/toss stuff :-)

Edited November 23, 2016 by JFSinIL

[Seasider]

She can arrange to pay to have stuff sent to her or pay for a storage facility if she wants to keep more than whatever you fill comfortable storing for her (which may be one large Rubbermaid tote you can shove in the garage or basement). If she has to pack up and pay to move/store stuff, she may well be motivated to donate/toss stuff :-)

Yeah I just might get it all moved to a storage unit and have the monthly rental bill sent to her. I would put it up on pallets to keep boxes off the ground, but unless there are priceless family heirlooms in her boxes...that quantity of them wouldn't be staying with me.

[Anne in CA]

Is there another child who would use the space? Would you, yourself use the space? If so, she needs to deal with the consequences of being an adult. Adulting isn't for the feint of heart.

[Code Lyoko]

My parents kept my room for me but only because it was actually an enclosed balcony on the second floor and neither of them used the upstairs much.  They also stored my stuff and I really appreciated it.  I didn't expect them to, though.  They just didn't plan to use that balcony/room for anything so they had no problem with me leaving my stuff there.

 

If they had needed the space I would NOT have expected them to keep my room indefinitely.  As for my stuff, I think I would have been hurt if they had tossed it or given me an ultimatum on when to have it removed since my living arrangements after I moved out were not stable for quite a while and I was living light.  However, I think it is absolutely reasonable to ask a child to cull down their things to a reasonable amount that you can store, or suggest they rent a storage unit to put their things in.  Or if you have the yard space then maybe they could buy a small storage unit and keep it in your backyard.  Cheaper than paying for off site storage if she needs to store stuff long term.

 

I think a lot of kids (even adult ones) sometimes do want to feel like they still have a connection to home and that they weren't just tenants, that a part of them still belongs there and that they are still welcome, still a part of things, even if they move out.  At least I felt that way.  I needed to know that no matter how far away I moved or how long it was until I saw them again, I still belonged, that my childhood mementos were not just a waste of space or that my family was relieved to see me go so they could have their room "back".  

[Ellie]

When your adult children move out do you let them keep their bedroom? Do you store their stuff? My dd is 24 and moving out permanently out of state yet expects us to keep her room and store her stuff. I want to make sure I'm not being as unreasonable as she thinks I am. We expect her to take everything or find storage. She has boxes full of stuff everywhere from her childhood as well as her time away at college.

 

No. Because adult and moved out. You could keep some of her stuff, if you have a house and she does not yet, but everything should go to her as soon as possible. Because adult and moved out.

[Julie Smith]

Only keep her room if you don't have another use for it. 

 

Only store her stuff if you have the space. And even if you don't have the space give some leeway before you get rid of it (Assuming that some is left behind). But considering that you aren't storing stuff for free you can't question her when she doesn't keep stuff you think she should keep. 

[MomatHWTK]

I guess it depends on the long-term relationship you are hoping to have. It sounds like she is in a transitionary phase. Does keeping the stuff or not really have to be decided immediately? I sense from your posts that you don't like a lot about the way your dd lives or thinks, but she is who she is. You can either work with her and help her to constructively grow and mature or not. KWIM?

 

She's probably never going to do things the way you would because you are a different person. I would encourage you to really, sincerely study what it is like to live with OCD and anxiety. You can't control how she manages her life, you can only control how you respond. But you should carefully consider the consequences of your response. 

 

My parents' home was always my home. They kept many of my belongings until my DH and I moved into a house large enough to hold them. In fact, some of my belongings are still in the attic of my childhood home. Deciding whether you will allow her to keep her things at your home should be a decision based on whether you have the room and are wiling; you shouldn't make the decision based on whether you think her belonging are well packed or worth keeping. That takes it to a level of judgment that expects her to be someone she's not. 

[Guest]

Nope. I'll give them notice to do something with the stuff they want to keep and maybe hold a few boxes they have packed if they're not in a stage where they have any space, but the rest is going to the dump by a date certain.

 

If the kid was likely to abuse my willingness to hold a box or two of keepsakes I'd be extremely explicit on just how many they were permitted to retain at my residence, too. We just don't have the space or energy for stuff, even our own. So I plan to make that clear to my offspring so there are no surprises.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Code Lyoko]

I guess it depends on the long-term relationship you are hoping to have. It sounds like she is in a transitionary phase. Does keeping the stuff or not really have to be decided immediately? I sense from your posts that you don't like a lot about the way your dd lives or thinks, but she is who she is. You can either work with her and help her to constructively grow and mature or not. KWIM?

 

She's probably never going to do things the way you would because you are a different person. I would encourage you to really, sincerely study what it is like to live with OCD and anxiety. You can't control how she manages her life, you can only control how you respond. But you should carefully consider the consequences of your response. 

 

My parents' home was always my home. They kept many of my belongings until my DH and I moved into a house large enough to hold them. In fact, some of my belongings are still in the attic of my childhood home. Deciding whether you will allow her to keep her things at your home should be a decision based on whether you have the room and are wiling; you shouldn't make the decision based on whether you think her belonging are well packed or worth keeping. That takes it to a level of judgment that expects her to be someone she's not. 

 

I agree.  

[AK_Mom4]

They lost their rooms they day after they left for college. We are still storing boxes for Air Force guy and for oldest DD. Someday they will have their own places and will want their stuff. I don't mind keeping a few boxes in the attic for them.

[Melissa in Australia]

we have. I did pack up ds23's room after 5 years of it being left exactly has he had it. I didn't get up to turning it into a guest room before  he came home for a surprise visit. (ops) he was pretty upset.

 He has now just finished Uni and has a summer job in a remote area of Australia with only a shared mens accommodation. so he has just dumped all his possessions bin a heap in his room and given me instructions to not touch them.... he will be back in 3 months. and hopefully worked out what he wants to do with himself after that.....though I have a sneaking suspicion he is planning some world travelling and I will be babysitting all his stuff for a while longer.

[Only me]

I guess it depends on the long-term relationship you are hoping to have. It sounds like she is in a transitionary phase. Does keeping the stuff or not really have to be decided immediately? I sense from your posts that you don't like a lot about the way your dd lives or thinks, but she is who she is. You can either work with her and help her to constructively grow and mature or not. KWIM?

 

She's probably never going to do things the way you would because you are a different person. I would encourage you to really, sincerely study what it is like to live with OCD and anxiety. You can't control how she manages her life, you can only control how you respond. But you should carefully consider the consequences of your response.

 

My parents' home was always my home. They kept many of my belongings until my DH and I moved into a house large enough to hold them. In fact, some of my belongings are still in the attic of my childhood home. Deciding whether you will allow her to keep her things at your home should be a decision based on whether you have the room and are wiling; you shouldn't make the decision based on whether you think her belonging are well packed or worth keeping. That takes it to a level of judgment that expects her to be someone she's not.

You are right to some degree. We are having a tough transition. She is making some choices that we don't agree with and has treated us poorly lately. Honestly though this isn't a decision based on that. I realize that OCD does play some part but it's hard to explain just how much stuff she has and her refusal over the past several summers to go through her stuff. I would never get rid of stuff I know she really cares about. I'm talking about such a large amount of stuff that it is taking up quite a bit of room in our storage and basement. It's not a matter of her asking us to hold on to a handful of boxes but she doesn't want to sort though anything. When she used to leave for college after summer she would leave a huge mess in her room and bathroom. I just don't think we should have to hold onto everything and have her pretty much leave stuff a big mess. She expects to leave clothes in closets including the coat closet. She wants us to literally hang on to at least 100 books and things like that. She is always welcome at home and will always have a roof over her head. When I moved out when I was her age I took everything with me and my husband did the same thing. I was just curious if it was the same for other people. Again I'm not talking about a few boxes or certain furniture they want to keep. She is moving out of state and doesn't plan to come back.

[Ali in OR]

In that situation, I wouldn't have a problem sorting through my dd's stuff for her. I think I can judge pretty well what is worth saving and what should have no sentimental value. Honestly, she probably won't remember most of what she has with you. I would get it down to a reasonable amount and store it for her. As others have said, the room is mine and dh's to do with what we want, not a shrine to her childhood.

[Guest]

Nope. I have three kids in college, and they don't have their rooms anymore. By age 24? No way.

 

Eta: I told them I'll keep one box (each) of their stuff. The rest of it went to college with them.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Kinsa

[DawnM]

No.  They can stay there when they come home to visit, provided it is still a bedroom, but other than that, no.  And they can store some of their stuff, but I think I would have a limit (5 boxes or whatever.)

 

Now, should they decide to PAY rent for the room......we can negotiate.  But I bet 0% of 20 somethings want to pay rent for a room they aren't using.

[bettyandbob]

OP I think in your situation I would not make it anymore of an issue. You've made it clear that if she moves it's not her room. You've told her you can't store all the stuff. Her mental health is making it difficult to deal with this. Since you've made it clear, set aside time (even though you don't have time) go through the boxes. Keep just a few boxes of things. I assume she's not taking winter clothing. Get some vacuum bags for the clothes and store them. Clean the room. Repurpose the room.

 

I had an issue like yours on a smaller scale last summer. Ds has anxiety, OCD issues and a whole lot of other crap. His room was a nightmare. We needed a new roof. Access to our attic is through his room. So when he came home in May we told him to clean it. We reminded him. He knew we could not put it off (roof pushing 30, with visible problems). I stopped reminding him in July. I knew I had the week after he returned to school to clean it. I scheduled the roofer. I cleaned. We had roofers come. Ds came home for fall break he was unhappy, but said nothing about it.

 

You've made yourself clear. Now stop discussing it. I realize you want her to leave the room in a condition that makes repurposing easy. That's never going to happen. You want her acceptance that she doesn't own the room. That's never going to happen. Accept the situation regarding the room and stuff, figure out how you will handle the stuff she leaves behind on your own.

 

ETA I think you need to stop expecting a logical response from someone who has mental health issues clouding their logical thought.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Diana P.

[PrincessMommy]

I have stored stuff for my adult children.  But they do not get to keep their rooms.  In fact, my 25yr old is also moving out next month. I've already got plans for her room.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Not there yet, but I don't think your expectations are unreasonable.  If you aren't in great need of the space, I might give her a bit of time to do that, but otherwise I see no point in using her old room as her storage space if you want to use it for something else.

 

 

[Pawz4me]

This is their home and will always be their home. We have no need to use their rooms for anything else and we have plenty of storage space.

[HomeAgain]

We have actually already discussed this.  When our oldest goes to college of course he'll have his room to come back to, but when he is on his own it will transition to a guest room/library (replacing his bedroom set with a murphy bed or bed in a chest).  Things of his (like childhood books, weaponry, etc) will have a place in our house until he either has children or no longer wants it.

[J-rap]

As several others have said, mine don't get to keep their rooms, though we do store their stuff and plan to until they're more settled themselves.  As long as we have the extra space (we have a big old basement), we're happy to do that for them. 

 

Actually, I still have a couple boxes that I stored at my parents' home...30 years ago?  I guess I should collect them sometime!

 

ETA:  My children DO know that they can always move back home though.  They are always welcome here!  And they have, often for several months at a time during various transitions or whatever.  Then they get a room back again.  :)

 

 

Edited November 22, 2016 by J-rap

[Night Elf]

When my dd moved out, she lost her room but she didn't mind at all. She even helped my other dd move all her stuff into it. Then we turned the newly empty room into a library.

 

We did store stuff for her until she got her own place. We had the room so it was no hardship. We have two large storage places in addition to our attic.

[Rebel Yell]

Oh dear goodness, when Diamond moves her stuff out to go away to college in the fall, her sister will be right behind her moving her stuff into the room as fast as she moves out.

 

Diamond has had her own room for too many years, SweetChild and BabyBaby share and are eager to have their own space.

 

Our house has the capacity to store up to 10 or so of the 18 gallon Rubbermaid totes. I would be willing to store them for her under the following conditions:

She thoroughly sorts through each tote before she leaves. I'm happy to store her things, but not random junk that got tossed in with it and never got decluttered

Her stuff is stored in labeled same/similar size plastic totes for ease of storage and retrieval if she needs to have anything sent to her

Once she has a more permanent residence it goes back to her

If WE downsize, she'll have to figure out a way to store it in her own

[sassenach]

Dd lost her room immediately, but we live in a small space and have no rooms to spare. She did complain. She moved home and now occupies a different room.

 

I totally agree with Diana P. I think you need to just drop it and deal with it after she moves.

[Bambam]

We would probably store some stuff until she could afford to come get it and take it with her. Long term storage, nope. If you don't want it bad enough to take it with you, I guess it really isn't important to you. I will let you know that if you can't come back and get it by X date, I will be donating it. I will send you the donation receipt. 

 

She leaves for good with a real job, that room will be my new sewing room. I may leave a bed in there so it can be a guest room too, but that's it. 

[Kassia]

I have two kids in college who will graduate next year and one who already graduated.  As of now, they all have their rooms the way they left them.  It's silly with my oldest since he's only home maybe two to three weeks a year, but he's renting a place now where he doesn't plan to stay so it doesn't make sense for him to take his stuff and then have to move it.  We'll keep it all for him until he gets a permanent place.  Once my other two sons graduate from college and get their own places, we may do something with their rooms, but make it so they can always come home and have a room/bed to stay in.  

[RegGuheert]

I tell my children "If you like your room, you can keep your room."  ;)

[redsquirrel]

Just want to mention that dh's parents made him clear his room out when he went to college.  They already had plans for it. When he came back for his first Thanksgiving his room was all redecorated and he had to sleep on the couch.  But that is par for the course with his parents.

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest moved in with my mother when she graduated from college.  While she was living on campus we did not keep a room empty for her, she shared with her sister when she was home on breaks.  We have a very small house so there just wasn't the space to leave a room completely empty for 80% of the year.  

 

We have stored some things for her in our garage.  They've basically been out there for the past few years, some for longer.  She is actually stopping by today to pick up more of her bins because she wants to go through them.  I will probably suggest to her that she gets a small storage unit for those items she doesn't need to have available all the time.  If she had moved into her own place, I definitely would have her take her stuff.  Maybe not right away but give her maybe 6 months to figure it out.  Since she is living with my mother, we weren't going to push it (my mother is dealing with piles of her own stuff after my stepfather passed away.  I would not add to her stress), but dd asked to come get her stuff.

 

ETA:  We do have a spare bed in dd's room, so she knows she is always welcome to stay here or move back in if she needs to.  She has spent a few night here when she felt the need for mommy time.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Where's Toto?

[regentrude]

Depends on the family situation.

My children will always have "their" rooms to sleep in, if they come home - but while they are gone, the rooms will be used for other purposes. I am fine storing things for them. I moved a lot until I was in my early 30s, and have always kept some stuff at my parents'. Don't see why I would refuse to do that.

If there are younger siblings sharing rooms, however, I would find it reasonable to let a sibling use the room. that's what my friends with large families do.

 

While my kids attend college, their rooms stay unchanged. We may still use their desk, or have guests sleep there, but they get to keep their book shelves and closet and everything.

Edited November 22, 2016 by regentrude

[Only me]

It sounds like she might have hoarding tendencies in the sense that it's nearly impossible to make the decision to keep or get rid of each and every item. It takes too much energy, and causes too much anxiety.

 

One strategy that works is to bring all items of one category together, and then to ask the person to save the favorite 1/2. For instance, if there are 20 stuffed animals, have her save her favorite 10. Put the other 10 immediately into a bag, set aside, and donate later. There's something about getting to "save" the favorite ones that makes getting rid of the others doable. Ask her to then pack up her two favorite of what's left (the saved ones) and to take them with her. Then ask her to go through and put into a box everything that she just loves, loves, loves, and would just die if anything happened to it. Very few things actually make it into the box, actually. Tape it up and pack it for shipping. Put it into the trunk of her car.

 

Just don't pick up an individual item and ask, "What about this?" That individual decision will drain her energy.

 

If she leaves stuff in the bathroom, then gather it all up after she's gone, and throw it all away. Clean the bathroom, and move on. If she leaves any "junk" behind, throw it away. Have one or two totes that you can store, and fill them with any remaining things you know that she would want to keep. Pack them up, and ship them to her, or store them. Throw away the rest, and totally clear out the room, paint, and repurpose.

 

I think that keeping any of her stuff is unhealthy for you, but totally clearing out might be overwhelming and sad for her, so be gentle. Don't give ultimatums, but help her. After she's gone, make your home a place of peace for you.[/quote

Edited December 27, 2016 by Mom in Suburbia

[Storygirl]

My children are not old enough yet to be living away from home, so I don't know what I will do as a parent. My parents did keep our rooms intact when we moved out, but they did not need the space for other purposes.

 

OP, I do suspect that your daughter may have anxiety about sorting through her things. I don't think that giving her an ultimatum will help. Perhaps you can offer to work alongside her to sort through the boxes. Don't try to do it in one session, but put several cleaning sessions on the calendar. Gently let her know that you don't have the space to keep everything. Expect her not to respond well. Stay calm and reasonable yourself. Let her know that she has a choice -- she can help you sort through things, or you will do it on your own after she leaves.

 

Let her choose. If she can't bring herself to do it, do it yourself. I know that this doesn't seem right. She is an adult and should manage her own possessions. But realistically, she may not have the emotional or organizational skills to make it happen.

 

She may be angry. Expect that and don't react. Always talk to her about this in an "I'm totally willing to help you," manner instead of making demands of her.

 

:grouphug:

 

ETA: I have anxiety about sorting through possessions, and it is real and crippling. Often I just can't do it on my own, and I need DH to work alongside me, helping me to make decisions about what to do with things. Having a sympathetic partner helps.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Storygirl

[Lady Florida.]

I would agree that it depends on your family size and whether or not you need the room. That does sound like a lot of boxes for you to store. 

 

When dss moved out we kept his room as-is. It was his home and he was always welcome. However there were no other kids, and when ds was born we did have another room for him after we put him out of our bedroom. When we sold that house was when dss had to finally get all of his stuff and either toss it, take it, or store it. We do have a spare bedroom here and he was always welcome, but it wasn't actually "his" room.

 

My recommendation - move to another house. LOL. J/K

 

Actually, I'd say be willing to store some things but not all. She should go through some of those boxes and make the hard decisions to keep or toss. Have a place for her to sleep if she ever needs to come back for some reason, but it doesn't necessarily have to be the room that was always hers. 

 

 

[Tess in the Burbs]

I think the kids probably want it more than anything.  My mom kept my room for the most part.  My bed/linens were there.  Anything of mine that was important was with me.  I was obviously coming home at college breaks, so she didn't dump it all, but she did add a desk/computer and put things on the walls she liked.  Anything of mine left was in the closet.  It didn't look like my room.  By mid college she put my bed into storage and got a futon.  She even changed the 3rd bedroom (it had been a guest room with 2 beds, then it had one).   When I took a year off college I think she thought I wouldn't ever be back LOL. I came to live with them(rent my old room actually) nothing of mine was left the next summer.  When I left after that extended stay I took anything of mine and sure enough in a year it was all gone(my bed sold as well).  

 

But as a mom now, I get it.  We rent and I can't wait for my kids to go off to adulthood.  Dh and I can downsize.  I'm hoping my kids take what they want b/c I'm not paying to store it.   I thought about them coming to visit and I guess the living room will have to due with cots.  LOL

[Lecka]

One of my sister was this way, and I had her stuff taking up most of my closet space in high school.

 

I didn't mind though, I knew she would be upset and it wasn't a big deal to me.

 

It bothered my mom on my behalf and if I had minded I believe she would have made another arrangement or pushed things with my sister.

 

Then about 10 years later my sister went through it and it turned out almost all of it was trash or give away to her at that time. But it had meant a lot to her before, just one of those things.

 

But in my family it was considered major concession, it was nothing we took for granted as expected. It just meant a lot to my sister and so we did it.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Lecka

[Shellydon]

No and no.  I would not keep the room at all.  I might store *some* stuff if I had space.  Maybe 4-6 boxes.  They take care of the rest.  It is called being an adult.

[TranquilMind]

When your adult children move out do you let them keep their bedroom? Do you store their stuff? My dd is 24 and moving out permanently out of state yet expects us to keep her room and store her stuff. I want to make sure I'm not being as unreasonable as she thinks I am. We expect her to take everything or find storage. She has boxes full of stuff everywhere from her childhood as well as her time away at college.

 

Well, my mom kept some stuff of mine until I was like 40, but she had a basement and I just stored it there.

 

I think your daughter needs to clear out the room at least, if she is moving away permanently.  If she stores it in your basement or garage, labeled, I wouldn't have a problem with that.  Of course, I would keep their rooms the same but do not have a large family or more kids who need that room. 

[City Mouse]

Honestly, I would store her stuff for a while, but I would sort through it first. My DD would have packed half eaten boxes of crackers and forgotten all about it.

Since you kind of sound like you are doubting this my be permanent, I would keep her boxes in the house until the summer break. If it seems like things are working out, the my e get a cheep storage unit if you can afford to do that for a year or so. That would give her adequate time to figure out what she is going to do.

 

My own sister u till recently always worked for universities doing research paid for by grants. This meant that for the past 25 years, she has not worked in the same place for more than 2-3 years. She has always had some stuff stored at my parents house, and for a while I sores some of her stuff at my house.This year at 50ys old she has her first "real job" and is likely to stay put.

[zimom]

They go to college, we rearrange rooms for what is best for kiddos remaining at home.  We have plenty of storage area so they can keep boxes of stuff however they want in the basement.   If they boomerang home then we rearrange rooms as needed.  Our kids are always welcome home, within reason.   We will provide a roof, food, and a listening ear.  

 

There was a lot of upheaval in my family shortly after I went to college and I know how I personally felt.  I always want my kids to know we are there for them.  That is not the same as enabling them.  

Edited November 22, 2016 by zimom

[FaithManor]

We no longer keep a room for dd since she is married and has a child. We do have a guest bedroom so they can come home to visit. Because she lives in a small apartment, we are still storing a few things for her.

 

The college boys still have their rooms. We will maintain them as their own until they get their first apartments or homes as fully employed persons. Then we will turn them into guest rooms and dens. They will be welcome to come back though. I always want my kids to feel at home here. We will store a small amount of special items until they can take them...special books, a few childhood toys they don't want to part with like their trains which they each received when they turned 6, etc.

[TravelingChris]

NO. we didn't keep rooms the same.  We did keep their stuff for a while. The two kids who have moved out have almost everything in their own apartment/house respectively.  THe one who is a college student gets to keep her room as is until she moves out.  When we first moved here, we expected our older daughter to be coming home on college breaks. She has one bedroom.  Then a few years later, she moved out mostly and my oldest moved into her old room.  It still had some stuff of hers.  Then last year, he moved out too and now it is a guest room.  The rest of her stuff is gone (she now has a three bedroom house for just herself and her husband and more closets than we have).  Ou. r son took his things too.