DD is Disgusting and It's My Fault - JAWM? Vent

[goldberry]

As far as room cleaning, I basically leave DD's room and bathroom to her.  She is a mess, but it is not something I had the energy to enforce and make an issue over.  Her bathroom is also the guest bathroom, so she is required to clean it when guests come.  We haven't had guest in awhile... I would have hoped she was cleaning it a little in between?

 

DD is visiting family right now, and left her room and bathroom a mess.  We just found out we are having guests, arriving before DD returns.  So I just went in to clean the bathroom.

 

:ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :cursing:  :cursing:

 

It is disgusting!  Also DD needed new sheets and I bought her some.  I went in her room to put the new sheets on.  It is disgusting also!!

 

This is totally my fault for not enforcing cleaning habits.  I know this.  The sad thing is, I don't even know if I have the energy to start enforcing them or solve the problem.  I have been really TIRED lately.  Mentally, ya know?  We are trying to get stuff ready for college apps and I am exhausted by it.

 

She is a smart, friendly, polite, sociable girl!  The rest of our house is clean!  How can she stand to live like this??

 

Ugh. 

 

ETA, the JAWM is because I can't stand to be scolded for being a bad mom right now.

Edited June 29, 2016 by goldberry

[Rosie_0801]

She's probably tired for similar reasons to you and will grow out of it.

 

:grouphug:

 

Maybe when she gets home you can tell her she owes you $30 for cleaning. :p

[Farrar]

It's okay. She'll grow out of it. I was totally gross as a teen. I got better. It was not my mom's fault.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You aren't a bad Mom.  What she may need, though, is a lot of scaffolding and training to get into good cleaning habits and that can take tremendous time and energy, especially with a teen.  She may struggle with Executive Function issues.  You may very well not have the kind of mental energy right now to turn this around.  Again,  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: .  Please don't beat yourself up.

 

If you are feeling tired a lot, I would be more concerned about you than your DD's cleaning habits.  Those may turn around as she gets older, even without your assistance.  Have you had a physical lately?  Take care of you right now.  

 

And FTR lots of teens are slobs.  They survive.  And many go on to keep their own houses clean.   :)

Edited June 29, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[goldberry]

She's probably tired for similar reasons to you and will grow out of it.

 

:grouphug:

 

Maybe when she gets home you can tell her she owes you $30 for cleaning. :p

 

The hair in the sink alone was worth $30!  How can she not be bald???   :ack2:

(I have a thing about hair..)

[goldberry]

 I was totally gross as a teen. I got better. 

 

This is the hope I hold on to!

[Farrar]

I still clog up the drains with hair though I try to remove it. But I can't help it. That's genetic so you might have to take some responsibility there. I just shed constantly (and I still have a full head of decent hair...)

[goldberry]

You know, since she has been visiting family (various family) I been told more than once how sweet she is, how kind to the younger kids, how polite, how much they love to have her, she can stay longer...

 

*sigh* I suppose I need to chill.  It was just SO GROSS in that bathroom!!

[Seeking Squirrels]

I was like that as a teen, and honestly, I struggle to this day to keep up with housework. What did NOT work for me as an older teen was getting yelled at, made fun of, or scolded for the mess. I had never been taught just always told "clean your room". As someone who struggled for years just figuring out HOW to tackle a mess or keep it clean and STILL struggles with the habits and maintaining.......I would recommend at least talking to her about it. Maybe ask her if she would like help learning how to maintain better. Make sure she realizes when she moves out she'll be on her own and she won't want to live in a mess forever and does she want help learning to do better now. Maybe she won't be interested or will indicate she's just been busy and distracted but feels she can handle it. But if she does want help, I would find a way to take time to teach her. Let her know you know it can be overwhelming and that you just want to help her. I wish I had been taught some simple strategies that most adults take for granted as being obvious. It took me a long time to learn on my own what could have been taught in much shorter time with less stress. Many probably do learn quickly even when left to figure it out themselves, I did not.  

[StephanieZ]

I feel your pain. All 3 of my kids are PIGS. The rest of the house is not like that, as shocking as that is considering the great efforts they make to destroy all things. Their rooms are filthy, disgusting. They only wash bedding when I insist. They are great kids. Delightful. Smart. Funny. They've grown up with hardworking parents and a tidy home. They've had chores. They've been taught, helped, and given responsibilities. And yet, they are pigs. I really can't comprehend it.

 

I am, at this very moment, in the middle of a battle of the wills with each and every last one of them to get their rooms clean. I've drawn lines in the sand. I told dd13 that no, she couldn't go to a fun thing tomorrow morning because there is no way on earth her room will be completely clean by then, and I am NOT settling for 70% like I usually do (after days/weeks of negotiating). Clean it if you want to leave the house . . . Or stay home (in the house) with no fun stuff ever again . . . until you clean the room. I also threatened my delightful 19 year old that if this coming Sunday her room is STILL not clean (after now nearly 2 months of gentle requests, firm reminders, offers of help) . . . that I was making her stay home from her wonderful internship to clean it. She was aghast at the thought -- and I'm like, THEN TAKE 2 HOURS AND CLEAN IT SOMETIME IN THE NEXT 6 DAYS! Holy moly, this is crazy making, let me tell you. 

 

I guess I've learned from failing with the 19 & 17 year olds . . . to hold my ground and stop believing that someday they'll magically become reasonably tidy people. Nope, not yet, and I just can't take it any longer. When they are grown and no longer in my house, sure, they'll probably get a grip, but I can't survive this mess that much longer. This is the worst age, because when they were tiny (say under 11) it was sensible and easy to just go in and clean it all out myself every 6-12 months with some help or at least company from them, but now they have so many papers and books and electronics and special things and private possessions that I could never sort or clean up . . . So, I can't just go in and *do it* but, honestly, it may come to that. I have a lot of storage space . . . I'm tempted to take rubbermaid totes and just stuff all their crap in them . . . and then ransom them off, one at a time, and only let them get a 2nd one when the 1st is 100% empty and put away . . . Next week, Monday, that's my plan if any/all of their rooms are still disgusting. I'm just biting the bullet and investing another $100-200 in plastic crates that we don't need and stealth-emptying their rooms early next week. I can't stand it anymore . . .

 

 

[Anne]

If she's going to college next year, is she going to be living in a dorm? You could talk about cleaning in the context of other instruction about sharing spaces and being a good roommate and dealing with difficult roommates.

 

Anne

[purplejackmama]

If only you would have swatted her hand more as a toddler, or enforced that "sit on a blanket" trick when she was little. Sigh. It's all your fault, mom. ;)

[J-rap]

I have a couple really messy ones too!  But the one who was disgustingly messy (I'll bet even moreso than yours!), is now married, has her own apartment, and is really quite tidy!  I'm waiting for my other one to get there...  She swears she has some organization amidst her chaos!

 

 

[HRAAB]

Sounds so much like my dd who now has her own house and keeps it quite neat and presentable. That was a battle I didn't have the energy nor desire to fight, but it turned out okay.

[AK_Mom4]

Hugs, OP!!!

 

Some hope for you..... I thought I had raised a pig as well. DD22 was messy and gross and disorganized as well. Bad enough that DD15 voluntarily moved into the attic so her stuff wouldn't get lost/destroyed/trashed by older sis. I fought and won all the cleaning battles but her bathroom was disgusting after just a couple of days!

 

Today, she lives on her own and her apartment is spotless. You could eat off her bathroom floor - seriously. She scrubs the tub once a week!

 

Hugs again - hopefully your dirty little caterpillar will transform as well!

Edited June 29, 2016 by AK_Mom4

[Carrie12345]

Oh, my kids are terrifyingly gross!  It's almost impressive how they can create so much filth.

 

I can objectively say I wasn't as bad as they are, but I was bad enough that I now feel fairly confident they will eventually get their $^*! in order.  I actually went through a borderline OCD stage after my 1st was born and before the 3rd came an outnumbered us.  Change is possible!  Even probable.

[Another Lynn]

There's only so much one can teach in a day.  And it's easier to catch up cleaning than math, lol.  

[trulycrabby]

Honestly, I think it is good for them to wade in their own filth for awhile. DS23's room was so bad that I took pictures of it for posterity, lol. He got his own apartment a few weeks ago, and miracle of miracles, it has stayed extremely clean.

[The Girls' Mom]

My 19 year old is the same.  It was a battle I gave up on years ago.  She's just a messy person.  I figure she'll figure it out when she has her own place to care about.  Or not.  

 

She shares a bathroom with her two sisters who care a lot more about things not being nasty, so it doesn't get too bad.  However, they are going away to college next year, leaving her to her own devices.  I'm afraid.  

 

Anyway, all three of my girls were raised to know how to clean.  It just didn't take with one of them.  You aren't a bad mom!

[Valley Girl]

I'm sorry you got stuck cleaning up the crud. I'd be grossed out--and frustrated, too. Personally, I don't believe there's anything wrong with expecting a minimum standard of cleanliness and organization to be maintained in the ever-so-sacred space that is a child's room since that room is still part of a larger household. Especially when not having it makes work for someone else or subjects the rest of the family to outbursts when items can't be found. I hope when DD comes home, you're able to talk with her about it and that's she's willing to be coached on the how-to's so there's a comfortable level of cleanliness for both of you. From the description by your relatives, she sounds like a great kid who just needs some extra guidance. As for the disgusting bathroom, you deserve a reward for tackling that.

[bettyandbob]

I'm in the same boat. I have a dh who doesn't care about cleaning, a 2E ds and a ds with intellectual disabilities. So I didn't enforce room cleaning so much. About once a year I'd make her go through it with me.

 

My dd has been away for two weeks. When she gets home she is supposed to work right up to going to college. So I started to tackle the room. It's so gross. The biggest problem is if she doesn't routinely put stuff away, she looses things. And with stuff deep on the floor there's no vacuuming.

 

Right now she's got too much stuff to manage. She hoards office supplies (weird?). I'm going to make go through all the office supplies and box about 25-30% for college. The rest will be family use. And clothing. She's got a ton that's outgrown or she doesn't like so we will give that away.

 

I've been telling her about room mates. She's requested a dorm with hall baths so she doesn't have to clean the bathroom. I hope she doesn't drive her roommate nuts. I had a roommate who was a pig. We had to have a physical division of the room and I just kicked crap to her side. We couldn't set up the room in some fun flowing way like other girls did because her mess was everywhere we without clear boundaries.

[nd293]

No scolding from here! I'm on top of this issue and it's still a daily battle. It does help that the house is small and I pass her room on the way to the bathroom, so I remind her regularly to stop what she's doing and do the things she should have done (take plates back to the kitchen, put clothes away when they left her body etc). Then I stand in her doorway and wait until she does it... And we don't leave the house in the morning until it's reasonably tidy (my parts of it too).

 

There are a couple of issues here: firstly I don't want to live surrounded by mess, and, yes, I'm one of those people who thinks adults have more 'rights' in the family home than kids, at least about this sort of thing. Secondly, I was pretty messy at her age and it took me decades to make tidiness an instinctive habit. It was hard, and in between I was often ashamed when people visited unexpectedly, which is a horrible feeling. It is definitely a hassle for me to continually chase this issue with a 15 year old, but I try not to make it a battle. I issue specific instructions and wait for the task to be completed. I try not to take resistance personally or get angry. Sometimes I even get it right.

 

Thank goodness ds9 seems to have some sort of genetic mutation which lends itself to natural tidiness!

[Katy]

I'm sorry, I have a thing about hair too.  I'll clean up all manner of puke and poop, but pulling hair out of a drain freaks me out the way spiders freak some people out.  I make ANYONE else get hair out of drains.

 

I'd plan "Home Ec" for the fall, and include a DAILY bedroom and bathroom quick-clean in the assignment. To be checked off. I don't mean a heavy clean, I mean a quick clorox wipe in the sink and a swish of the toilet, FlyLady style.  I'd consider it the natural consequence of leaving the bathroom in a state that I was forced to clean up the hair.

[Ottakee]

As a mom who.spent 12+ hours.....yes, 12+ hours cleaning one dd's room 2 weeks ago I get it. She was a hoarder and saver and stuffer.

 

One of my tools now is to tie internet usage to bedroom being cleaned first. That is helping along with almost daily inspection.

[Junie]

(((Goldberry)))

[BlsdMama]

If it is any comfort I suspect I was your daughter until about 22. Now I actually have to reel in the clean freak tendencies.

 

((((Hugs)))) It is never fun to do work someone else didn't do though. Ever. :(

[DawnM]

Um, NOT your fault.....AT ALL.

 

All 3 of my kids are meticulous with their own rooms.  There is no way on God's green earth they got that from me.  They are just weird, alien beings sometimes.  

 

And they don't care AT ALL about the common areas, it is like they live in a dumpster.  Stuff gets thrown all over the place, including trash.  UGH!!!!!!!!!

[Bluegoat]

My tween has also become gross.

 

One think I've kind of realized though is that kids have so much different kinds of stuff in their rooms - it can be hard I think for them to keep it all organized.  A major purge can help, but it's really hard to get them to do it.  It might be worth a carrot of some kind though.  And then look carefully at things like storage needs.

 

A book on how to clean things might be in order as well.

[Luckymama]

I have a slight ray of hope for you :)

 

Dd16's bathroom is a mess. Horribly disgusting. There are more clothes on the floor of her room than in her closet and dresser. Papers and books everywhere. She makes her bed only when she changes sheets. Four glasses from water. (No food is allowed upstairs, thank goodness.)

 

However---

 

This summer she is studying at a university far away. She lives with a roommate, and they share a bathroom that they must keep clean. Dd has been making her bed, sweeping the floor, cleaning the bathroom, taking out trash and recycling, etc. I just about fell over the first time she told me about cleaning! I had hoped she'd be forced to stay reasonably tidy by a roommate, but this is beyond any of my dreams lol

[AmandaVT]

My roommate in college was disgusting. We shared an apartment and she was seriously gross. It was one of the things that eventually led to me moving out and finding my own place. She would never do dishes - instead she would use every dish in the house and leave them in the sink. When she needed a bowl, she would find one dirty one, wash it, use it and put it back in the sink with the rest of her filth. I got so sick of constantly doing all of the cleaning and her never helping even after I asked and we had multiple discussions about it. Everything else was gross too, not just dishes. 

 

Anyway, it's 19 years later and I've seen pictures of her house. It's immaculate. :-) She figured it out. 

[StaceyinLA]

I haven't read all the replies, but I just need to say that even if you enforced rules when they were little, it doesn't mean they will be naturally neat or clean people. I always made my kids clean and pick up and I have one dd who is just gross. She sleeps with her dogs and her bed is always disgusting (I have no issue with sleeping with dogs, but clean the sheets every few days please). Her room is always a mess. No matter what she does she is just messy and pretty thoughtless about how it affects other things (like spray painting something next to her brother's laptop and getting paint spray on it and stuff like that). She drives me to drink I tell ya.

 

I keep hoping she'll grow out of it or at the very least have some respect for people's things, but at 23, I am starting to lose hope.

[Anne in CA]

One issue with the neat/ slob problem is that I think people living together often tend to polarize. It can be a natural tendency.

[JoJosMom]

You know, since she has been visiting family (various family) I been told more than once how sweet she is, how kind to the younger kids, how polite, how much they love to have her, she can stay longer...

 

*sigh* I suppose I need to chill.  It was just SO GROSS in that bathroom!!

 

Perhaps you could leave her there until she's, say, thirty?  ( :laugh:)

 

Honestly, you have my sympathy.  Mom of a slovenly almost-14-year-old here with the same issues.  I am clinging to the hope that she'll outgrow it.  :grouphug:

[Garga]

I just finished reading Smart but Scattered. What I took away from it was to make schedules and charts and to-do lists and link them to points towards rewards.

 

I'm starting small with the bedtime routine.

 

My ds11 and I wrote down all the things that need to be done before bed. I put each to-do on a piece of cardstock and put that blue sticky stuff on the back of it. As he completes each to-do, he moves the piece of cardstock from the "to-do" side of a sheet of cardstock to the "done" side of a piece of cardstock.

 

There is a lot of reminding at first (according to the book) but slowly they start doing these things naturally.

 

You're not a bad mom at all. And I understand if you don't have the energy. I'm only now finally getting the energy to do this and I've been a parent for 13 years. It just didn't seem possible before now.

[fairfarmhand]

I think even with a 13 yo you'll need to remind her of stuff.

 

Today is bedding day! Go pull the sheets off your bed and put them in the washer!

 

Today is dusting day. Go dust your dresser.

 

With my kids, even my older teens I break it down into tiny manageable chunks. When my older dd balks, I usually set a time limit on it. "Look, just take 10 minutes and see how far you can get with your bookshelf. Even if you don't completely finish it, it'll be better than it is now."

[goldberry]

I feel your pain. All 3 of my kids are PIGS. The rest of the house is not like that, as shocking as that is considering the great efforts they make to destroy all things. Their rooms are filthy, disgusting. They only wash bedding when I insist. They are great kids. Delightful. Smart. Funny. They've grown up with hardworking parents and a tidy home. They've had chores. They've been taught, helped, and given responsibilities. And yet, they are pigs. I really can't comprehend it.

 

 

 

It's bizarre, isn't it?  

 

 

 So I didn't enforce room cleaning so much. About once a year I'd make her go through it with me.

 

My dd has been away for two weeks. When she gets home she is supposed to work right up to going to college. So I started to tackle the room. It's so gross. The biggest problem is if she doesn't routinely put stuff away, she looses things. And with stuff deep on the floor there's no vacuuming.

 

 

DD actually went on her trip without her ipod.  She looked for it for two days and could not find it.  I found it in her room.  It was under the bed, under a pile of clothing, in a wire storage box with lotions, jewelry, and food wrappers. 

 

I'm sorry, I have a thing about hair too.  I'll clean up all manner of puke and poop, but pulling hair out of a drain freaks me out the way spiders freak some people out.  I make ANYONE else get hair out of drains.

 

YES.  And not just drains, the counter looked like it had grown a fur coat.   :ack2:

 

As a mom who.spent 12+ hours.....yes, 12+ hours cleaning one dd's room 2 weeks ago I get it. 

 

I used to just do the once a year thing.  It used to take two days.  As another mom mentioned, I can't anymore because she has too much stuff that I don't really know if she would want to keep or not.

 

No matter what she does she is just messy and pretty thoughtless about how it affects other things (like spray painting something next to her brother's laptop and getting paint spray on it and stuff like that). 

 

 

This is DD.  When she makes food, cabinets are open, jars and bottles are on the counter with caps and lids off.  I *always* make her come back and put everything away.  It makes no difference.  The next time she does the exact same thing. She leave nail polish in her room with the cap not screwed down all the way.  She once spilled a bottle of nail polish remover on the floor because she didn't put the cap on and later knocked it over.

[goldberry]

. When my older dd balks, I usually set a time limit on it. "Look, just take 10 minutes and see how far you can get with your bookshelf. Even if you don't completely finish it, it'll be better than it is now."

 

You know, I've tried that.  I don't know what she is doing, but the kid can spend ALL DAY supposedly cleaning her room, and maybe get the clothes on the floor picked up.  They aren't even washed, just all put into a pile on the bed.  "What have you been doing in here all this time?"  "I picked up the clothes."  After SIX hours!  I'm not kidding!  I do check on her.  When I check on her she appears to be doing things and moving around.  Obviously I am not checking on her enough, but I don't have the time most of the time.  She has one gear - slow.

[goldberry]

Perhaps you could leave her there until she's, say, thirty?  ( :laugh:)

 

Amen.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I remember having a very dirty room as a teen.  We had to clean the bathroom and my dad made me do it over and over and over.  I don't remember starting to be clean until I had my own place.  My grandma used to scold me about my hair in the sink when she visited.  I was just not tidy or clean at all.  

 

Now, people comment about my tidy clean house.  My kids think I am a germaphobe b/c we clean weekly.  I can't stand a dirty house.  

 

So it's no ones fault.  Encourage the cleaning.  Demonstrate what success would look like a few times for her to watch/see. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My little anecdote...

 

I was a slob in high school.  My mom's house had certain rules in the form of chore charts, that kept things form getting ridiculous, but left to my own devices, it would have been bad.  My dad's house had no rules of that kind, and my room was truly a sty.  I had dead potted plants on my window, garbage on the floor, it was awful.  About a week before high school graduation, I went into that pigsty with those huge black hefty garbage bags and decontaminated my room.  It was so freeing.  

 

I left for college where, after my first year, I lived off-campus and kept to my mom's basic chore chart principles like a pro.  Bathroom 1x a week, floors, 1x a week, no dishes in sink...  It really did work out in the long run.  :-)  

 

Obviously your kiddo is old enough to have an adult discussion about cleanliness, shared space, etc.  

[Guest]

I made charts with the steps to clean your room for a friend of mine's kids:

 

1- Pick up all clothes/bedding and put on the bed

 

2- pick up trash and put in bag

 

3- sort and put away remaining items

 

4- Take all clothes and bedding to the washer

 

5- Put away as they come out clean (hang up pants and shirts, toss undies and socks in a drawer, etc.)

 

6- vaccum/sweep floor including under bed/desk/etc.

 

7- dust/wipe down surfaces

 

8- make the bed

 

- NO FOOD/CANDY/TREATS ever allowed in your room! Water bottle with water is ok. (Each child has 1 water bottle so no random bottles are floating around plus we live in Texas...can we ANTS??)

 

Bathrooms are cleaned every week or no fun (I made how to clean a bathroom charts, too, for hers and mine!)

 

I'm mean, I guess. My kids have to pick up the house (schoolroom/playroom/etc.) every night before dinner or they don't eat. I have always from babyhood been a neat organized person. I cannot stand chaos. Having kids, I realized I was going to have to tone it down so the daily clean up is my way of dealing with it. I am pleased, though, that my older guys, at least, cannot stand mess and will clean up.

 

I can relate so well with the kid who leaves stuff all over in the kitchen. Mine do that, too. Drives me crazy!

Edited June 29, 2016 by Paradox5

[Seeking Squirrels]

You know, I've tried that.  I don't know what she is doing, but the kid can spend ALL DAY supposedly cleaning her room, and maybe get the clothes on the floor picked up.  They aren't even washed, just all put into a pile on the bed.  "What have you been doing in here all this time?"  "I picked up the clothes."  After SIX hours!  I'm not kidding!  I do check on her.  When I check on her she appears to be doing things and moving around.  Obviously I am not checking on her enough, but I don't have the time most of the time.  She has one gear - slow.

I get this. I really do! This was me as a teenager and for the first few years of marriage. I could spend all day cleaning with very little to show for it. Let me give you a glimpse of how my day might have gone from inside my head:

 

Okay, pile of papers on the counter, take care of that. Oh, a bill, how long has that been there? Better pay it real quick. Back to the office. Dishes on my desk in the way. Grab dishes to take them to the kitchen because I don't want to look at spoiled milk while I'm paying the bill. Trip over a pile of clothes on the floor. Drat. I really should be making use of the washer and having it running while I'm doing other things. Set dishes down and start gathering clothes. Follow trail of them to my bedroom. Dang it's a mess. Hey I could make the bed. That would be quick and easy and would be *something* finished. Drop clothes, head to the bed. Oh. No I can't make the bed, these sheets need washed! I should strip it instead. Well no I have too much other laundry. I'll just wait and see if I have time for them. Need to use the restroom. Washing hands: wow, the sink is a mess, I should clean that. Now where's the cleaning spray? Oh yes, under the kitchen sink, better go get it......

 

Seriously. I could do this ALL. DAY. LONG. It was exhausting. I finally found out I had ADD and began meds and reading up on strategies for dealing with the ADD and for cleaning and how to stay focused on one task at a time.  It took a very long time. FLYlady actually ended up being what saved me back then, though it doesn't work for me as well now with kids. 

[theelfqueen]

Teens and tweens and messes and grossness and ughhhhh... TOTALLY SUCKS!

 

Want to hear a funny -- I recently hung up some new chore chart lists -- the kids regular chores and a list in the kitchen of things to be done to clean up the kitchen. I posted this list on the kitchen wall.

It says:

• Rinse/scrub dishes and load into dishwasher (start if needed)
• Handwash dishes
• Dry and put away handwash dishes
• Wipe Down all counters
• Wipe Down Stove top
• COMPLETELY Clear table – if needed replace placemats/tablecloth
• Sweep kitchen and dining room
• Check trash – empty if needed
• Empty sinks, rinse and wipe out

Except I chose bullet points that look like large empty circles. My college student came home and said "Mom, I thought you'd gone overboard with the homeschool thing before but the kitchen chores poem... that's the end!"  Kitchen Chores Poem....

And he starts to recite in his best bardic tones:

O, Rinse the dishes

O, Sweep the Floors

O, Wipe the Counters....

 

Maybe you had to be there... but man I Was cracking up,

[LisaKinVA]

I am tired of battling every other person in our house. If I don't point it out, make detailed lists, and throw the occasional fit, nothing gets done. Kids will literally unwrap a granola bar, toss the wrapping the floor, and walk away. DH will refuse to put a bag in a trash can, because it's someone else's job, and throw trash straight into the can. Kids will step over a dropped pair of dirty underwear on the stairs. Everyone swears they don't see anything amiss. Makes me batty.

 

Dd (14), and ds(16) are horrible about their rooms and bathroom. Just today, dd cleaned out her old swim bag, only to discover rotting food. The bag is ruined (it was falling apart before this, too...)

 

However, there was a ray of light when they helped house sit. They kept their clients' home spotless. Cleaned toilets, picked up dog poop, swept daily, did dishes, and didn't leAve dirty socks every where. So, I suppose there is hope?

[Georgiana Daniels]

((hugs))

 

I basically did the same thing with our oldest---just didn't want to fight what appeared to be a losing battle.

 

The good thing is, she grew out of it! Now she likes things Just So. She turned out to be fairly neat and tidy as an adult.

 

Here's hoping it happens for your dd too :D

[goldberry]

So, when talking to DH about this, he reminded me that the first year we were married (I was 19) we did not vacuum the floor.  ??  I said, I don't remember that.  He said we didn't have a vacuum and kept meaning to buy one.  When we were moving out at the end of the year lease, we had to borrow a vacuum to clean.  Apparently he remembers us laughing about it because it was so gross!

 

Now, granted, we had no children or pets at that time... but a year?  Really?  I *swear* I do not remember that!

 

Maybe there is indeed hope!

Edited June 30, 2016 by goldberry

[SKL]

One of my kids is a slob, and the other one is a food/sweet hoarder.  Right now I clean about once a month before the maids come, so at least there's nothing growing roots in there, but yikes.  I was naturally neat, so it seems like a lot of work to get kids to develop neat habits that don't come naturally.  I mean just getting the kids to drop their underwear in the hamper after taking it off is ... well, it hasn't happened yet!

 

Have you considered hiring a maid to come in and just clean her rooms, at her expense?

[SparklyUnicorn]

normal...not that it helps you now...but she isn't doomed to be gross forever

 

kids are gross

 

:laugh:

[OnTheBrink]

I cannot express how happy this thread makes me. My dd is a disaster. Her room is one of the reasons I need scentsy burners all over the house. Right now, we live in 720 sq. feet with 1 bathroom and it's a nightmare. I'm not fastidious or a neat freak, but holy moly, she's a nightmare. We have had constant stress over selling the house and she doesn't seem to get the concept of "clean" at all. She says, "Oh mom, everyone's house gets messy" which may be true, BUT NOT WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL IT! 

 

The irony is, when she worked over the summer at camp, her job was CLEANING BATHROOMS! Yet she can't figure out how to clean her mess in ours. Or, she'll text and say, "I'll be late--helping friend clean."  :cursing:

[Peaceful Isle]

My teen is very neat and organized. She has a very clean bedroom and shares a bathroom with her sibs they all help clean.

My preteen on the other hand, is extremely messy.

My little boys are just gross. Lol Pee on the toilet and all over the sides, wrappers everywhere, underwear tucked away in forsaken places. That is where I have gone wrong in raising them.