s/o How do you feel about your bedroom?

[Laura Corin]

In the thread about quiet places for babies, some people felt that their bedroom was intensely private, a sanctuary.  So even if it was tidy, they would never invite someone into it.

 

I don't feel like that.  It's a room that I like.  It has some personal things in it.  But I can't imagine feeling distressed by someone else going in.

 

Do you feel very protective of your bedroom, and can you explain for me?

[bluemongoose]

I am only protective in the sense that I dont want to step on legos in my own room, or pick up your dirty socks etc. My room is currently the most tidy (my kitchen/bathrooms are clean in the germ sense but not clutter sense) room in the house. It is this way because it is the one non-communal (except with husband) place I have. I clean it and nag DH if he messes it up. I need that one place to go that I can shut the door and not see the chaos that the other 5 people in the house create and ignore. So I dont mind if a friend is in my room invited (like in the baby napping in my room thread), but I mind if you come in uninvited or bring stuff in there and mess it up.

[Arcadia]

My extended family and my hubby's extended family all view master bedrooms as out of bounds unless invited. It is a privacy issue.

Its like the living/family/grand room, dining room and kitchen are considered the public areas of the house while bedrooms and ensuite bathrooms are considered private.

[abba12]

Eh, it's a room. No massive privacy issue here. 

[Guest]

I keep the kids out of it and it is usually reasonably clean, though still the messiest room in the house (clothes waiting to be folded, unmade bed most of the time, etc). I try to keep anything private put away just for the sake of the kiddos :lol:

[elegantlion]

I like to keep mine private, but we don't entertain a lot and if we do the dog is usually in there. She's too feisty for lots of guests. I tend to live in my room, it's set up with bed and desk, so it's my workspace too. Ds will come in, but the rule is to knock if the door is closed. I would not let a baby nap on my bed simply because there is usually a dog or dog hair on the bed. 

 

For business associates, the bedroom would stay shut. For informal gatherings, I'd probably leave the door open, depending upon where the dog is. 

[Joker]

It's just another room for us. I don't care who goes in it.

[Spryte]

I love our bedroom. Love it. It is a retreat. It's always neat, and feels restful.

 

That said, I don't care who goes in, as long as they're not walking in unannounced. And, ummm, we have a massage table, so no judgment!

 

We also have a little cubby hole off of our bedroom that has become the full size bedroom of AG dolls, so DD loves to come visit...

[HRAAB]

My bedroom is my private space. Not that is of limits to everyone but dh and me, but they know it is our sanctuary. The girls always ask first before they go in. But. ..I give the same respect to my girls and their bedrooms. We all need a space that, no matter how small, that is our private retreat. Bedrooms are the only rooms in the house where you can do that.

[elegantlion]

I give the same respect to my girls and their bedrooms. We all need a space that, no matter how small, that is our private retreat. Bedrooms are the only rooms in the house where you can do that.

 

:iagree: I give ds his privacy too. I never go upstairs (he has the attic dormer) without yelling up the stairs first. I can't remember how old he was when we started that, pre pre-teen I think, but that was a different house. 

[Junie]

The master bedroom is where I homeschool.  So, y'all probably have a good idea of what it looks like.

 

I would like for it to be a private retreat, but the way the house is laid out, the master bedroom is more like a family room.

 

If we have non-family company, the door is closed.  I don't want other people's kids in my room.

[DesertBlossom]

My room is definitely my private place. It's also the last room to get picked up, so I doubly don't want anyone in there.

 

When I was a teenager my friends did not hang out in the bedrooms of opposite sex friends. I went to a private, conservative university where guys were not permitted in girls' room and visa versa. (And no, that rule did not bother me at all. There were plenty of other places to hang out) After all those years my room just came to feel like a very personal space. Especially after I was married and we did very personal things in that room. *ahem* So it totally weirds me out when other people come into my room. (Though my kids come in) FIL took years to get the hint that I just did not want him in that space. But that's another story.

Edited December 19, 2015 by DesertBlossom

[Pawz4me]

The only time I'm protective of our bedroom is when I go into it early at night to relax and read.  That's one of my "me" times.  Even then I don't mind if one of the boys needs or wants to come in and talk (except when I'm really, really tired - they're all night owls and I'm a lark).  Other than that it's just another room, open and available to anyone who needs to use it.

[mamiof5]

Nah! No privacy issues here. But sadly it's the room that never gets worked on, so it's not very clean...I don't want people to go in because of that

[PeachyDoodle]

Our current house has only two bedrooms, so when ds was born 5 years ago, we moved into the basement. It's finished, but just one giant open room, except for the bathroom and a walk-in closet. It's part bedroom, part playroom, part storage. It's no one's sanctuary, unfortunately -- least of all mine.

 

I would prefer not to let anyone outside the immediate family down there, mostly because I'm embarrassed by all the plastic storage boxes stacked up along the walls, etc. The kids hang out there way more than I do. There is a TV and their Wii is hooked up there. I discourage them from taking their friends down there, though.

 

We are building a new house next year, and I can't wait to have a real bedroom again! I want to feel like I have a space that's just for me. I will probably be a little more protective of it then, but I would never make it off-limits to the kids, just expect them to respect it as they should any room in the house.

 

I do, however, teach them that other people's spaces are private, and that we don't go wondering around someone's home (outside the areas where we've been invited) without permission. Learned the hard way that I needed to make that lesson explicit! :o

[sbgrace]

My bedroom is just another room in my house. My kids play in there more than their own bedrooms. I give up our room for guests. So, no it isn't private to me. But my parents were sort of that way.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't want other people's stuff in my room. (That means your shoes, Dd, and I don't want to find your socks under *my* pillow!)

 

I also don't want other blokes in my room. We had to have an old bloke ed psych make a home visit recently, which included him stickybeaking at my bedroom because it's such a small house I don't have a separate bedroom. I was not happy. However, he'd only been in my house five minutes when we had to evacuate due to a fire near by. That made me happy. :lol:

[Desert Strawberry]

It's my sanctuary, also serves as nursery for my babies. So (not right now as we are between houses, but usually), has the diaper changing area, nursing corner, extra blankets, wipes, little towels for wiping noses. Any other new moms would be welcome to use it. I would even be fine with an exhausted friend taking a nap on my bed. I keep my room tidy and have no issue letting people in. In our last house, I think my room was the prettiest in the house. 

[zoobie]

Mine is a hot mess, so I wouldn't invite anyone in it. I want my own guest apartment where no one else's crap resides. I'll be here with the kids during the day and then LEAVE to my quiet, (relatively) neat space.

[Mergath]

I gave up the idea of the master bedroom being some sort of sanctuary when we decided to co-sleep, lol. I don't let dd bring her friends in there to play, but that's because our bedroom is where anything fragile tends to get stashed, not because of privacy issues. It also has an alcove that dh uses as an office nook where he plays World of Warcraft, so not exactly a haven of peace and tranquility, though he does mute the sound when I go to bed.

[Danestress]

My kids and sisters - welcome. But for me, it's sort of my only private sanctuary. If any room in my house is tidy, it's my bedroom. But I don't really like the idea of having people in it. Nursing mom though? I could never say no to that.

[texasmama]

Our master bedroom feels private to me.  I don't mind the kids in it, but I don't want anyone else in there.  

[mamajag]

It's a private, invite only place. I have no qualms about people coming into it if they are invited. My best yarn is stashed in there, so knitting friends tend to come in and pet the lovelies. I have no trouble letting a mama with a kid in diapers use the bed as a platform to change the baby or whatever.

 

The thing is that as a kid I wasn't entitled to any privacy. I am an introvert and like having my one little area of the house where I can go to relax. It's not a sanctuary, but it is mentally beneficial to me to have a kid-free space.

[Guest]

I am not intensly private about my bedroom. Generally speaking, though, it would be a bit weird if a guest chose my bedroom to care for an infant because it is so sepated from the main areas and a guest would have to pass by several semi-private areas to get to it.

 

It is more private than the common areas, and my kids are not normally in my room while I am not, but I don't view it as extremely private.

[The Girls' Mom]

It is private here too.  In fact in the long gone porta-potty thread it was discussed..lol.  We don't let just anyone back there.  The kids even knock before they come in.  It is the one place in the house that dh and I are guaranteed privacy.  

We have large numbers of guests over rather frequently, and our bedroom is pretty much off limits unless we take someone in there for some reason.  Often our dog is locked up in there.  We keep more personal/valuable items put away in there as well.  It isn't in the main flow of traffic in the house, so there isn't any reason anyone NEEDS to go back there.  

That said, I have offered it for a quiet place to lay a baby down or change a diaper when needed.

[Annie G]

In our house we made a downstairs room our master and the kids lived upstairs.  The downstairs bathroom is off our bedroom and the bedroom door opens into our living room. Our bedroom is definitely not off limits.  It worked really well for us while raising kids and we totally got used to our friends seeing our bedroom. No big deal.  But I can see where others prefer to keep it private. 

[TravelingChris]

Our bedroom is private.  It is fairly small and we only have our bed to sit on.  We don;t spend time in that room other than sleeping or putting away laundry.  I don't like the AMerican custom of visiting all the rooms in a house.  I welcome people into the public rooms only.  If a mother needed some privacy, I would put her in my office.  It has a nice chair.  As to a baby sleeping, I would expect the mother to bring a baby carrier with her or else a portable play pen for those purposes.  I don't have any place for a baby to sleep that is safe.  My youngest is 19, after all.

[AimeeM]

Sacred? No. 

Private? Yes. Within reason.

We allow our children in there at almost any time. 

I wouldn't mind a family member nursing or laying their babe down in our bedroom.

Someone I only know casually, though? I wouldn't be comfortable with it. It's our (relatively) private space. I don't mind if they walk through it for some reason, but to sit in there for an extended period, I wouldn't be comfortable with. 

 

Edited December 19, 2015 by AimeeM

[Guest]

Sacred? No.

Private? Yes. Within reason.

We allow our children in there at almost any time.

I wouldn't mind a family member nursing or laying their babe down in our bedroom.

Someone I only know casually, though? I wouldn't be comfortable with it. It's our (relatively) private space. I don't mind if they walk through it for some reason, but to sit in there for an extended period, I wouldn't be comfortable with.

All of this and rosies no one elses stuff in it, too. I love snuggling and reading or watching a movie or talking to my kids in my room..it feels like a special,quiet togethery time... but their stuff is most unwelcome there!!

 

Other ppl, come on in for a sec if that's legitimately necessary for some reason, but we aren't going to pop a squat and dig a hole to china in there.

[SereneHome]

I would love to have our bedroom to be off limits to everyone, kids included bc that's the only place in the house where I can have some of "my own" space.

 

Kids are in there all.the.time.  But that's it.  As far as family - my parents might go in once in awhile.

 

I can't even imagine having friends in there.  There has to be some boundaries and privacy.  At the same time it would never occur to me to ask to go into any of their bedrooms. 

 

Years ago, when it was just my husband and I, my IL's were visiting and my MIL stormed into our bedroom to yell at me.  I was still in bed.  and I couldn't get up and escort her out bc I wasn't dressed for the occasion.  So, I had to just wait it out.  Yeah.....that did not go over very well with me.

[Seasider]

I like my room private. Mostly because that keeps it "special." Dad out of town - sleepover in Mom's room. Important private conversations - Mom's room. I don't make the kids feel unwelcome, I just want them to have good memories. I also want them to have respect for my private space. I do my best to honor their privacy in their own rooms, too.

 

As for guests, there's truly no reason for anyone to go into my bedroom. None whatsoever.

[Seasider]

Years ago, when it was just my husband and I, my IL's were visiting and my MIL stormed into our bedroom to yell at me. I was still in bed. and I couldn't get up and escort her out bc I wasn't dressed for the occasion. So, I had to just wait it out. Yeah.....that did not go over very well with me.

Oh my. If that happened to me....Well, I might be on my second MIL by now.

[Artichoke]

Our master bedroom is a wonderfully peaceful place. It's mostly used by dh and I, but our sitting area is the most intimate area of our home. It's where the most personal and emotional conversations take place with ourselves and our children. It's a special place for our entire family. We'd not have a problem with a nursing mom in our room, but I doubt I'd hold a serious conversation with her in our sitting area. That's for family only. I'd have no problem with someone setting up a pack and play in our bedroom, but I'd rather the mom kept the baby with her.

[Seasider]

I don't like the AMerican custom of visiting all the rooms in a house. I welcome people into the public rooms only.

I don't like it, either! I don't remember this being a thing when I was younger and folks came over to our house. I always feel awkward when I visit someone for the first time and they take me on a room by room tour. I do not want to have to reciprocate! In fact, when we are having large gatherings, I have actually locked my bedroom door so I don't have to think about it. People may get a limited tour if there's a remodel project but never any of the bedrooms. We consider those private spaces.

[flyingaway]

In the cultures I've lived in it would be very strange for guests to be in the master bedroom, so I've never had to think about it. Thinking now, and coming up with off limits. I have other rooms in my house one could go be quiet in.

[J-rap]

To the OP, that's exactly what I was thinking as I read the other thread.  I do try to keep our room picked up and nice, but it never bothers me at all if other people go in the room or use it.  We've had many strangers sleep in our bed!

 

ETA:  In case that sounded funny about many strangers sleeping in our bed!  haha :)  We're sometimes gone for a month or even 6 months and a couple times for a year.  We live in a small, close-knit community, and we've often let friends' guests stay overnight in our home if we're gone (given we don't have much in the way of hotels in our town!).

 

Edited December 19, 2015 by J-rap

[gardenmom5]

it really depends upon the person, and why they're going into my bedroom.

[DawnM]

When we first moved into this house, the kids were little.   We took one of the rooms upstairs to be on the same floor.  The master bedroom was the den......for years.....probably 4-5 years.  

 

Now we have moved into it, but it is still used by my youngest as a den during the day.

 

Nope, not too many privacy issues.

[Laura Corin]

 

I can't even imagine having friends in there.  There has to be some boundaries and privacy.  At the same time it would never occur to me to ask to go into any of their bedrooms. 

 

Years ago, when it was just my husband and I, my IL's were visiting and my MIL stormed into our bedroom to yell at me.  I was still in bed.  and I couldn't get up and escort her out bc I wasn't dressed for the occasion.  So, I had to just wait it out.  Yeah.....that did not go over very well with me.

 

You have helped me to understand the difference in how I feel about my bedroom.  For me, the boundaries are to do with time and occasion, rather than the room itself.  

 

During the day - sure come to my bedroom, lay your baby down, use the attached loo, put a changing mat on the bed and change a nappy, leave your coat, make a private phone call (good luck getting a signal!), have a nap before you drive home.  

 

After I've gone to bed, or once I'm in my PJs and have shut the door, or if I've announced that I'm going off for some quiet time and have shut the door - no, that's private.

[Ottakee]

I would say semi private.  It isn't totally off limits to guests but other than the day we had an open house here at our new house (combined with a big potluck) very few, if any, non family members have been in our bedroom.  There just really isn't a need.  Occ. they might see in if the door is open as it is on the main floor and door is visible from the dining area.

 

When a friend of mine gave us a tour of their house she included everything but the master suite.  I had the kids with me so maybe she would have shown it to me had I been alone but that was just fine.  She just pointed down the hall and said that was were her room was.

 

Our kids come in occ. to watch a movie with dh in the evening but I would rather keep it more of my space for just dh and I.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't have strong feelings about my bedroom.  It's just a room.

 

 

[TammyS]

I feel that all bedrooms are private.  Our kids are mostly not to be in our room (special occasions we might have a movie there, since it's the only room with TV).  For sure no one outside of our family goes into our room. 

 

We don't have a "master" bedroom in this house (in fact, DH and I took the smallest bedroom, because we wanted to boys to share the larger one, and we use the largest as a project room for everyone's stuff), and only 1 bath, so the bath is always public (this I hate, my dream is to someday have a private bath).

 

I also don't care for visitors in the kids' room, either. IMO, bedrooms are private, and there are plenty of other places for the kids to play that aren't the bedroom (of course, we also don't have toys in the bedroom, so that helps).

[Word Nerd]

I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable having nonfamily members in my bedroom. (To be honest, as an introvert I don't really feel comfortable having guests in my home in general.)

[TranquilMind]

In the thread about quiet places for babies, some people felt that their bedroom was intensely private, a sanctuary.  So even if it was tidy, they would never invite someone into it.

 

I don't feel like that.  It's a room that I like.  It has some personal things in it.  But I can't imagine feeling distressed by someone else going in.

 

Do you feel very protective of your bedroom, and can you explain for me?

Yes, I don't really like anyone in my bedroom. That said, I've had window installers, plumbers, and other contractors go through, but that seems different than just hanging out there. 

[Seeking Squirrels]

It's just another room for us. At our old place we had all our school stuff set up in there. The girls both still join us every night. We also have bookshelves with all our games on them. So if we are having a game night, either I carry huge stacks of games out to be in our way for us all to choose from, or we all troop into our bedroom to discuss our options. I've never even thought twice about others stepping in to look. And it's not kept spotless by any means.

 

ETA: I do ask the kids not to *play* in there and close the door if other kids are over, but this is more to keep toys out than the people. The rest of the apartment is overrun by toys, I don't want to be stepping over them in my room, too, or find them on my bed.

Edited December 19, 2015 by Whovian10

[ktgrok]

Huh, I never knew people felt this way. 

 

When I was a kid, friends played in my room with me. When I was a teen, my girlfriends and I chatted in my room, listend to music there, etc. In college we got dressed together before going out in our bedrooms, put on make up together, etc. As an adult I don't have friends over a ton, but I have no issue with them in my room. Often during a party I'll drag a friend or two in there for a moment of quieter conversation, or if they come over early they hang out with me while I get ready.

 

Of course, I had 5 girlfriends here when I gave birth, in that same bedroom, so I guess I'm the weird one :)

[1GirlTwinBoys]

My parent's bedroom was off limits to us.  I have been so different with my family regarding this.  My babies were always welcome in my room and my bed.  We cuddled, watched tv, homeschooled etc...  They're now 11 and 12 and the 3 of them still lay around with us reading and watching tv.  My bed is the first place they want to go when they feel bad.

[fdrinca]

My bedroom is open for the family, but I do feel uneasy with others coming it. I'm not really sure why. I also feel uncomfortable going in other's bedrooms.

 

Oddly, I think smells have something to do with it. I'm pretty sensitive to smells, and I think the distinctly human smell that comes from even a clean bedroom makes me feel uncomfortable. Pillows and comforters seem to maintain that smell, you know?

 

(For the record, I do have a difficult time spending the night in others' homes and hotels. It's the pillow/blanket issue again.)

 

 

[Donna]

My bedroom is open to my kids, though they mostly knock if the door is closed. They snuggle with me a bit before bed each night and when they were little, co-slept with us. We watch TV in bed together, dd does her schoolwork on my bed sometimes, etc… I don't mind if anyone goes in there really. It's just another room in the house.

[MomtoCandJ]

My room is off limits to guests because that's where all the stuff goes that was hastily picked up (like dirty laundry) and it's rather crowded because that's the only place that has enough room for a desk and had a door for me to do my school work with limited interruptions. So that means it's usually not tidy (well not tidy to other people, it always looks cluttered because of all the stuff)