Wheres Toto Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 (edited) My bedroom is literally walls that were built around our bed in the corner of the living room to give us privacy. Too many kids, not enough house. The walls touch our bed on three sides, the fourth side has about 2 feet of space leading to the door and I have some plastic drawers and a shelf unit to hold most of my clothes there. There is nowhere to walk, nowhere except the bed to sit, it's cramped and crowded. It's always cold in the winter and hot in the summer because there's no vents and it's poorly insulating windows and outside walls on two sides. Company does not come in my bedroom. ETA: It is open to my kids. They each sleep with us once a month. They occasionally go in there to lie on the bed and goof around leaving us drawings and pictures. Edited December 21, 2015 by Where's Toto? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I'm very reluctant to let people into my bedroom. Not because I'm terribly private. But because it is always a mess. Lots of "Quick! Company's coming. Put all this crap in a box and put it in my room!" Still working on several boxes from previous crisis cleans. Plus, we never got around to changing the decor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 My bedroom is off limits. No way would I take anyone in there that isn't related to me unless I was giving a tour of the house. I don't hang out in my room. Occasinaly I will retreat there to place myself in time out until I calm down. DH sometimes will go and rest if his allergies are bad. If one of the children needs to get something out of our room they get permission first Sorry for any spelling mistakes am using an iPad in motel room and haven't mastered the screen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 No. I don't think my bedroom is intensely private other than it's a master bed/bath suite, which is a very fancy way of saying the doorway between the master bedroom and the master bathroom has no door in it by design. The toilet is in a tiny room with a door. There's really no reason for anyone other than immediate family to go into it unless they need to use the bathroom while the other two bathrooms are occupied. I don't make my bed for the same reason I don't tie my shoes after I take them off. I will make it when company comes over in case anyone has to use the bathroom up there. There's a very small subset of extremely conservative Christians that have a thing about only a man and wife in the master bedroom. This crowd also doesn't allow the male children into the female children's bedrooms after a certain age or stage of childhood. I tune out when they start talking about it, so I can't give an accurate summary of their views. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 There's a very small subset of extremely conservative Christians that have a thing about only a man and wife in the master bedroom. This crowd also doesn't allow the male children into the female children's bedrooms after a certain age or stage of childhood. I tune out when they start talking about it, so I can't give an accurate summary of their views. I am quite conservative Christian and had never heard of that part about kids NEVER being allowed in the master bedroom. We DO though have the rule that girls don't go in boys' bedrooms and the boys don't go in the girls' bedrooms. We though are foster parents and there are good reasons for this rule in our situation. It gives the child more feeling of safety in their bedroom as well as cut down on the opportunity for inappropriate behavior. In our house the girls bedrooms are upstairs, dh and I have a main floor master, and the boys are in the daylight basement. It works for the kids we parents but obviously most of you aren't in that situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 If one of the children needs to get something out of our room they get permission first Do they have to get permission to go in another sibling's room? Do you get permission to go in their room? Genuinely curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 (edited) I don't mind at all for adults to see our bedroom. I leave the door open when the bed is made. But my kids have no reason to hang out in there. It is my space. If I am reading to them on the bed, or we are doing something on the bed, it can be a nice place to spread out, and it is no big deal. But if they randomly want to play with the dog in there -- I feel very free to tell them to go somewhere else. If I want to be in there with the door closed? They know to knock. If I just want to be in there for a bit, at their current ages, I feel free to have that be my space and use it for myself. This is the same as with my kids. I knock on their doors if their door is closed. I really like to have our bedroom look nice, dusted, bed made, no clothes on the floor, no toys laying around, and the top of the dresser looking neat. This is not really consistent with kids hanging out in there or playing with the dog on top of the bed. So -- they can do it somewhere else. If everybody was younger, or we didn't have other spaces, I wouldn't care. But they are older, and we have other spaces, so I would like our room to look nice all day if I make the bed in the morning! I feel like adding "is that too much to ask?" And, no, I don't think it is too much to ask. But, it is not consistent with kids playing with the dog on top of the bed, or taking toys in to play on top of the bed. The bed will get all rumply then! If a nursing mother needed it, though, I would not care less about the bed getting rumply. I would not care in the slightest. They would be guests to me. My kids are not guests. There is no reason for them to play with the dog there vs. ten other spaces available to them. I would like them to treat this room with courtesy by not messing it up, and they do mess it up just by being in there, b/c they want to play on the bed if anything. Sometimes we do play with the dog there, but it is when it is okay with me. As far as them needing to get something out of my room ---- there is nothing for them to need to get, that is kept in my room. But I don't mind if they go in there if they are not there to rumple the bed. If they are helping me look for something, they look in there. But I can see someone needing permission, b/c there is nothing routine kept in there, where I would think "how odd to need to ask permission." It is not a public space, there is nothing in there for public use. Nothing. It has our bed, our dresser, and two bedside tables. It has a closet that contains our clothing and shoes. Why do my kids need to go in there to get something? It is just not how we have the space arranged. The only reason for them to want to go in there is to play with the dog on the bed, look for me or my husband, or help me look for my car keys. Edited December 21, 2015 by Lecka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I've had houseguests sleep over in my bedroom, so apparently I don't have a hang-up about that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Do they have to get permission to go in another sibling's room? Do you get permission to go in their room? Genuinely curious. They don't play in siblings rooms. Twins are excluded form every ones bedrooms totally - but that is a protection for bio children as twins are lightfingered. Ds 18 & ds19 will go into each othere's room to get something. Nobody goes into dad room without permission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I don't get permission to go in their rooms I go in older kids rooms to put laundry folded on their bed or vacuum. Ds 11 does his schoolwork in his room and prefers it if I am in there at the same time. I have to walk through twin'sroom to get to my room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 well, if my bedroom was not nearly so messy, and my oldest dd didn't sleep on the floor, and all my girls didn't do their hair and shower in my bathroom, I might feel more protective. As it is....it's a second living room! Come on in, one and all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) I'm one of the protective people. I feel almost violated if somebody other than my husband and kids goes in the bedroom unless I have explicitly asked them to. Even the husband and kids are a compromise; in my ideal world, I would have a bedroom that is sacred to me that nobody else ever entered. (Preferably with some kind of anteroom so that they couldn't even stand right outside the door lol) I feel it is extremely important to have personal space to be alone, quiet, whatever. That's why we moved half an hour out of town so that we could afford a 4 bedroom house and give each child her/his own bedroom, rather than buying in a better location and having the girls share. The kids aren't allowed to go into each other's rooms without the other kids' permission. We (adults) maintain the right to go into the kids' rooms if necessary but we do knock first if the door is shut, same as we would for an adult bedroom. Edited December 24, 2015 by IsabelC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pehp Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) Our bedroom opens right into our living room/dining area, so it's *RIGHT THERE*. The door is always open unless one of us is changing clothes. It's generally always tidy, and I do think of it as my 'own' place that needs to be neat and pretty, but I don't have any issues w/ someone else walking into it. But no one ever does!! (Except the children, of course.) Edited December 25, 2015 by pehp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 I grew up with my parents bedroom being off limits. I never realized people thought differently about it. Until.... I had just had my first baby and thought I'd lay him in my room as surely MIL wouldn't just let herself into my bedroom(door was closed). Upon MILs arrival she asked where baby was, we said sleeping in our room and we'd get him once he woke up. She proclaimed that she was going to get him and marched herself to my bedroom. I was livid and felt like my privacy was invaded. DH on the other hand was more upset that she woke the baby then the fact that she had let herself into our bedroom. I can't really think of why anyone would ever need to use my bedroom. If it was a must, I most definitely, would need to know in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I grew up with my parents bedroom being off limits. I never realized people thought differently about it. Until.... I had just had my first baby and thought I'd lay him in my room as surely MIL wouldn't just let herself into my bedroom(door was closed). Upon MILs arrival she asked where baby was, we said sleeping in our room and we'd get him once he woke up. She proclaimed that she was going to get him and marched herself to my bedroom. I was livid and felt like my privacy was invaded. DH on the other hand was more upset that she woke the baby then the fact that she had let herself into our bedroom. I can't really think of why anyone would ever need to use my bedroom. If it was a must, I most definitely, would need to know in advance. Huh. As a teen did you have friends over, in your bedroom a lot? Play with friends in there as a kid? I'm wondering if this is an age/adult/respect thing or a totally different way to look at bedrooms. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Huh. As a teen did you have friends over, in your bedroom a lot? Play with friends in there as a kid? I'm wondering if this is an age/adult/respect thing or a totally different way to look at bedrooms. Kids besrooms were okay to go into if you were invited. Yes, friends played in my bedroom. It was only my parents room that was off limits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Kids besrooms were okay to go into if you were invited. Yes, friends played in my bedroom. It was only my parents room that was off limits. Hmm. So at what point did it go from fun to have friends/others in your bedroom to weird/invasion of privacy? Or is it more than she didn't ask? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hmm. So at what point did it go from fun to have friends/others in your bedroom to weird/invasion of privacy? Or is it more than she didn't ask? Hmmm... I'm not recalling a specific point. My mom allowed us kids in, if she invited us. Friends of ours were never invited in to her room (even for conversation). If any company was over her bedroom door had to be shut. I guess what was modeled in my home is what became my normal. It was okay for kids to play/hang out in bedrooms but it wasn't okay for adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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