I'd love to know--if you are willing to share--what traits she had that made you decide that living at home and commuting would be a better option for her than on-campus living. I ask because my oldest is, well, my oldest, and I've never done this before. But I can already see that his 7th grade sister will be 100% ready for on-campus college in all the ways--and it's harder for me to envision this with him, even though he's in 10th grade.He just doesn't seem "there yet," although I also know a massive amount of maturation can happen in boys in the late teens. So I sometimes wonder if he would benefit from living home and commuting. Having never done this before, I'm trying to figure out a framework for decision-making. We have one reasonable, small LAC that is commutable for us (about 20 mins) and another small LAC that is maybe not a great social fit that is 45 minutes away (commutable but not ideal), but the university that I think would ultimately be a WAY better fit for my son's interests, personality, and goals is 2 hours away....not commutable. So I'm chewing on all this a lot.

OH MY WORD!!!! I had no idea. You mean I can stop setting aside quarters for my son to take to college?! This is excellent--so much easier than coin-operated laundry.

SAME. Because no one washes like I do. I am the master!!!! 😉 But we'll sometimes put fun music on and make the kids do it--and I leave the room so I don't have to witness it all. It gets done, and everyone is happy!

YES this resonates with me so much. A framework for making choices is essential to good adult functioning, I think, so one isn’t tossing along on the sea of “whatever feels right” or “whatever is easiest,” etc…..because making choices NOW is what leads to the things later. I’m waiting for my 16 year old to fully understand this. He’s excellent at making good money choices but is struggling with time…I am choosing to see this as a process of maturation. We talk a lot about how the me of tomorrow (or next week, month, year) will either thank or curse the me of today for the choices I make….

I’ve had to make a concerted effort to allow myself to allow my kids to do their own laundry, because I. love. laundry. And am rather jealous of anyone else using my washing machine. 🫣 However when they were both 10 years old they learned to operate and wash. I suspect the tricky bit for most college kids is operating those pay-as-you-go machines and, well, remembering to do it!!! 😄

This is SO helpful. We dropped off of weekly meetings and I think that has been to our mutual detriment. We need to restart that to be sure we are on the same page & there are no huge surprises. I agree with the exercise! That’s a hard area. He’s not an athlete at all, but takes long walks on our farm. That’s the extent of it (along with tai chi with some elderly folks once a week 😄). I thin teens need major expenditures of physical energy!

I know you’re right. A friend said to me yesterday “your biggest issue with him is that he wastes time. Trust me, you’re lucky.” it drives me crazy but I’m realllllllly trying to see this is an issue that I need to work through/adjust expectations/etc. And the relationship is so essential and I do not want to damage it.

For those of you who have launched a child into college, what skills or experiences have you found are most helpful in making that a smooth transition? My son will be 11th grade next year (though he’s an older 10th grader now). I’m trying to be proactive in thinking this through. I’m not just talking about academics—although there is that—but also socially, emotionally, practically. All kids are different, but he’s: 1) a boy 2) an introvert (albeit a very friendly and theatre-involved one!), 3) not a child with close friends, 4) very cerebral, 5) a bit of a procrastinator/easily distracted. I think he’ll need some transition help. My 13-year-old daughter, on the other hand, could probably go to college today and win at everything. 😄 Such different humans!

I am going to do this for the remainder of the school year. He pulled an all-nighter last night 🙄 but is cheerful and content today. The natural consequence of exhaustion should descend upon us anytime now! 😉

Yes-parent controls on the Apple devices are great, and awful on Microsoft, from what I can tell! I've considered enrolling him in a hybrid school, but I don’t know if it would be more challenging (he’s already taking pretty tough classes) or just a time-filler. And we don’t need more time-fillers unless there’s a real ROI somehow!

That has only happened once or twice, thankfully! And he understands that the next day is awwwwful. But I sure don’t want it to be a habit!

Yes-I think that’s it. The lack of efficiency drives me bananas especially when it results in things like getting 4 hours of sleep because he has procrastinated and has to scramble, or missing fun family stuff because he has let his work snowball. The fallout is irritating for his parents, and seems to result in a cycle of fatigue-crankiness-panic-work-fatigue….which I realize describes college for many of us, but still, I don’t like it! It may be that I need to give him the rope and see what he does with it. He’s certainly old enough. It is hard, particularly when I also see him sullen or super cranky from suffering the bad effects of his poor choices. I almost feel like we are in a push-pull. We never had that in toddlerhood—guess I’m due for it now. But I do want him to get confident that HE can manage himself without me micromanaging. And I know it’s crucial for him to develop his independence from me—& perhaps this is his way? His EF skills aren’t great (but mine are really, really strong, so could be his are more typical) so I worry about his ability to function well. At the same time, he’s a theatre kid who is never late for rehearsal, never misses his lines, and has huge backstage responsibilities during shows because everyone thinks he’s so reliable. So I try to remind myself that he CAN do well with tasks and responsibilities when he’s motivated to do so. He just doesn’t seem very motivated at home!

Do you have a recommendation for this? We’ve never used any software because it never seemed necessary—until now. He doesn’t do games, just YouTube, Duolingo, and, like, the UN website. He’s a language/politics nerd!

He uses a paper planner! It worked great for a long time.

We’ve covered that—and you’re right that we lead by example! But it’s certainly not enough in our case. At all.