s/o Curious: what age to see doctor alone?

[SKL]

The last time my mom went with me for a doctor visit, I was 13 and thoroughly embarrassed.  At 14 my dad took me to the ER for an injured ankle.  Since then, I have been on my own.  I also went alone to the optometrist from about age 10, and as for the dentist, my parents took me at 11 and I took myself at 16 (no visits in between).  And I was taking my kid sister and brother to the doctor/dentist when I was a teen.

 

My kids are 7/8 so I still go with them.  But I do send them on their own to do a lot of other things.

 

I am curious as to the range of experience / decisions with this (your kids' and your own experience).  How old is old enough to go to the doctor without a parent?

[AimeeM]

When I last took my eldest (13) to the optometrist, I wasn't allowed to NOT go back with her - they required it. 

 

I do still attend her pediatrician appointments. When she dresses and undresses (gown on) I leave the room, but come back in immediately. If at any point she feels she wants me to leave, for certain parts of the exam, I have no problem doing so.

 

These days teenage siblings aren't allowed to take their younger siblings in for dentist/doctor appointments - at least not in any of the offices we frequent. In fact, it takes a good amount of red tape cut through to even allow another ADULT to take them in for those appointments.

[marbel]

I assumed I would go with them till they are 18, as till then they are minor children and under my care. 

 

At one point when my kids were 13 or 14, at one appointment (I mean one appointment for each of them, separate appointments) the docs asked me to leave the room for a few minutes.   My daughter later told me that the doc asked her if she needed to talk about sexual health. 

 

There have been times when I've asked my son and his doctor if they'd like me to leave the room, but they have always said it wasn't necessary. 

 

Now that I am thinking about it I wouldn't mind sending my daughter alone, as she can advocate for herself  pretty well.  My son forgets things, or gets flustered/embarrassed and does not know how to state things or ask questions, so I coach him - as little as possible. 

 

They do fill out their own forms now, except for stuff they don't know (insurance info) and of course I have to sign.  I have them lead the conversation, always, and only step in when I have to (as mentioned above with my son). 

 

OK well now that I am typing I'm thinking more about this.  When I first started seeing a gynecologist, there was always a nurse in the room with me and the doc when he or she was doing the exam.  This was done even when I was an adult, into my 30's maybe?  Now, no one does that - it's just me and the doctor.  Honestly now I am not sure how I feel about a minor child being alone with a doctor in that position.  I am not sure though when the gyn exams start. 

 

Interesting question.

 

Oh, dentist, optometrist - they go back alone.  But I drive them and sit in the waiting room.

 

[mom2scouts]

My pediatrician has many teen patients.  He asks a parent to come to the exam room at the beginning so he can ask about any questions or concerns the parent may have and he can talk about what needs to be done at that age.  When the actual physical exam starts, he asks the parent to leave the room, unless the teen would like the parent to stay.

[katilac]

   When I first started seeing a gynecologist, there was always a nurse in the room with me and the doc when he or she was doing the exam.  This was done even when I was an adult, into my 30's maybe?  Now, no one does that - it's just me and the doctor.  

 

I think that's unusual. There's always been a 2nd person in the room, and I've had my bits inspected by several different doctors in three different states, male and female. My doc is female now, and I think the nurse leaves sometimes to get this or that real quick, but generally it's two people. 

 

I'm sure they would have a 2nd person if you asked them, but that's awkward in and of itself. 

[lynn]

Let me start with I have had the same pediatrician for over 20 years and have known the other doctors in the office just as long.  I never had a set age and the appointments that have come up I just knew they could handle it themselves unless there was something I needed to know.    But I think when my child asks me not to go with them or appears uncomfortable with me there.  My boys were more independent and would go back to dentist by themselves around 7/8.  DD is 9 and still asks me to go with her.  

[albeto.]

I ask my kids if they want me to stay. When they feel comfortable being alone, they let me know. Generally I'm there at the beginning anyway, we say our hellos, get through medical housekeeping and things like that, but for the exam, I'll step out when and if they ask. Each child has done this on their own timeline, and it differs depending on the appointment (dentist v. physical exam). 

[Mrs Mungo]

My kids are teens and go back on their own to the dentist and optometrist (with me talking to them at the end). However, I sit in for all of my kids' doctor's appointments, except for the physical bit with my girls. There are too many things for a 13 year old to think about at a full fledged doctor appointment:

 

Will this medication interfere with that other one?

This is the third time I have had this issue, maybe it is time to be referred to someone else?

I didn't react well to this medication last time, is there a different one?

I am still having x problem that we talked about before.

I have this new issue, but I think it is related to my existing issue.

Here is information about family medical history that relates to this issue.

[SKL]

I think that's unusual. There's always been a 2nd person in the room, and I've had my bits inspected by several different doctors in three different states, male and female. My doc is female now, and I think the nurse leaves sometimes to get this or that real quick, but generally it's two people. 

 

I'm sure they would have a 2nd person if you asked them, but that's awkward in and of itself. 

 

The docs who did my female-oriented exams did not have someone else in the room.

[Farrar]

I've started to believe that no one should go to the doctor alone. I'm thinking I'll take dh next time I go actually.

 

If the kids didn't want me there I'd respect that, I have just started to think that a) everyone deserves an advocate b ) medical information is confusing and c) doctors are mostly intimidating jerks.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would respect the wishes of my kid.  So if that is 12 or 25...whatever.  Some people like someone there even as an adult.  Some never do.

 

 

[happi duck]

Until 18 the dentist has a parent initial the chart when they ask about medical changes.

 

Our doctor leaves parent in the room up to the kid. I go with whatever my kids want.

 

My adult daughter wanted me there for all her wisdom teeth stuff.

[Loowit]

I don't have a set age for it, just play it by ear.  Dental appointments I insist on staying with my youngest because of his allergies.  My middle likes me to be with him if he is having anything other than a cleaning.  DD has been going alone since she was pretty young.  Optometrist I have always gone with them or had the doctor talk to me afterward.  The last time DD went alone and I expect to talk to the doctor but she never came out.  I wish I had gone back with her because I was left with questions and DD was confused about things.

 

For seeing their pediatrician I still go back with them.  At DD's last well check the doctor asked me to leave the room at the end of the appointment so she could talk to DD alone.  Afterward DD expressed her discomfort with me being asked to leave and was very upset by the questions that she was asked.  I also found out that when they told me she was going for a ear and eye check they also had her fill out a "private" questionnaire that DD found very offensive.  It is the clinic's standard procedure to ask parents to leave for parts of well checks starting at the age of 13.  I am not happy with it because I think that it should be up to each child along with input from parents to decide.

 

I try to be good about staying in the background and getting the kids to do as much of the interaction as possible because I want them to learn to advocate for their own health.  My DD has gotten pretty good about it.  I let her decide on certain vaccines and other medical decisions.  I have been having a harder time with the boys.  Last time I took my 11 year old in to be seen he answered all the doctor's questions with "I don't know".  He had injured his heel and wouldn't tell the doctor anything about how, where, or why.  He just clammed up. 

[SKL]

My parents like to have someone else (my other parent or one of their kids) go with them.  They want to make sure they heard the doctor correctly about serious stuff like my mom's cancer and my dad's surgery on his cervical vertebrae or having a small organ out ...

[SKL]

Come to think of it, I asked my dad to come with me to buy my first new car in my late 20s.  But I have never wanted another person with me on doctor visits - yet.

[Joker]

My dds do eye and dentist appointments alone but I still go with them for doctor visits. There is no undressing/redressing here and I've not yet had a doctor ask if they want to be seen alone or care that I (and usually other dd) go back. They are 14 and 12.

[myfunnybunch]

After about 12 or so, I leave it up to my children. I tell them it is their choice, not mine or the doctor's. They have always wanted me to stay.

 

One doctor subbing for our regular doctor asked me to leave, and I told him my ds was the patient, and he got to choose. Ds said "I want my mom to stay," and that was that.

 

Cat

[Mergath]

Whenever she tells me she'd rather talk to the doctor alone, whether that's eight or eighteen.  We've been seeing our family doctor for years, and I trust him completely.  If dd has something she's embarrassed to ask the doctor about with me sitting there, she should be able to have a private chat with him.  If I didn't trust my doctor enough to leave dd alone with him for a few minutes, I'd find a different doctor.  

[Pawz4me]

For routine check-ups my boys started seeing the pediatrician alone at 13.  I talked with him before/after to go over anything we needed to discuss.  I went in with them for sick/injury visits if they wanted me to (which they usually did).  Once oldest DS started driving at 16 he went alone for routine things like booster shots, etc.

 

They both started going back alone to the dentist's exam room when they were about five or six.  Again, when oldest started driving he started going to his appointments alone.

 

The dermatologist oldest DS saw required a parent to be present until the kid turned 18.

[Elisabet1]

I go with them until they are 18 yrs old. If the doctor asks me to leave, I won't. I will pass on the appointment.

 

However, if for whatever reason I did not want to be there, I was not. My daughter had a female issue at 17 yrs old and I opted out. However, I had an issue with my now 13 yr old, when he would see doctors for his ASD, one doctor wanted to do a "sex abuse exam" claiming she did it with every patient who comes to her. He was 8 yrs old at the time. She was fresh out of residency. I said no, inappropriate, and I would not allow it. We went elsewhere. He was going alone when he was in OT, PT, and speech and whatever other therapist. I find her desire to do a sex abuse exam to be disturbing. I very closely watch what any doctor wants to do. Unless there is a reason I don't want to be in there (like a weekly speech therapy session) I won't leave them.

[Tammi K]

My youngest is 13 so generally my kids are now 'older' rather than littlies.  I generally attend for 'sick' visits. Even my 23 year old likes me to come along because she says I think of questions that she would not have thought to ask. I think when they are sick, it helps to have someone else listening to what the doctor is saying. I know when I feel like crap listening is not my forte.

 

As far a physicals and teeth, etc they go in by themselves. Generally our doctor ask me to step back for a minute at the end to let me know what immunizations are recommended.  Our dentist usually steps out for a minute to give an update but the kids go back on their own.

[ocelotmom]

My feeling is that if they aren't comfortable being naked around their parents in other circumstances, it's time for the parent to step out of the room (or on the other side of a curtain)  for the undressed portion unless the child wants them to be there. I definitely think teens should be given time to talk with the doctor in private.

 

I remember being very uncomfortable with my mom in the room around age 9. Especially when she made a comment that she hadn't known I had pubic hair.

 

If it were an appointment about a specific concern and not just a routine physical, I'd be more likely to stay. If there was crucial information I'd definitely expect it to be communicated to me directly, rather than playing telephone game with a kid.

[TechWife]

I don't remember exactly when I started leaving the room during the physical part, but I do remember thinking that the age the pediatrician asked my son if he wanted me in there or not was the perfect age to do so. I think it was around 11 or 12. i don't have an issue giving my son privacy during doctor's appointments. I do still have time to talk to the doctor with any questions or concerns that I have. I stay in the room for sick visits at this point, but wouldn't have a problem if my son didn't want me in there. 

 

Our pediatrician requires a parent/guardian be at the appointment for all children under 18 years old. We have to sign permission for immunizations and have to consent to any other procedures. Therefore, we can't drop off or have anyone else bring our kids in. 

[Murphy101]

I still don't go alone most of the time. Neither does my dh or our grown kids. I also go with my dad and my BBF or her mom and dad sometimes to their appointments.

 

Our general opinion is that everyone should have someone to advocate for them, remember what they forget, and ask questions they didn't think of whenever possible when dealing with medical situations.

 

Can we and have we dealt with appointments and other medical situations alone? Sure. Sometimes you just have to do that for whatever reason. But in our household, it is not considered ideal and we avoid it.

 

I never went with my parents. The only time they ever took me was if I was near death and then they never stayed. Dh's mother didn't go as much as his dad bc his mother couldn't handle needles or blood. Dh is type 1 diabetic, so she didn't stay for most of his appointments and such. His dad did tho until he was a teen and then it was a toss up due to scheduling whether he went alone, with his dad, or with me.

 

For us, having someone there has never had anything whatsoever to do with maturity.

[Jane in NC]

There is a significant difference between routine exams and medical appointments for other issues (pre-ops, post hospitalizations, etc.) I believe that young teens/pre-teens need their moments of privacy with health professionals, but, as others have noted, parents are usually required by law to be present for part of the visit. Personnel in the dentist office asked me if my son had any changes to his health as a teenager.  He could speak for himself but I was legally responsible.  That said, I did not accompany my son to the chair for routine orthodontia adjustments. 

 

 

[EKS]

My son is 18, and he has always asked me to come in with him to the doctor (I always ask him his preference) though I'm guessing that is going to change now that he's living 3000 miles away.

[dirty ethel rackham]

At doctor's offices, I go back with them until they are 18 (unless they have a serious enough illness that they need an advocate.) I help them ask and answer questions so that they learn how to advocate for themselves.  I offer other pertinent information.  The doctor asks me to step outside for a few minutes so that they can ask more personal questions and check the privates (my boys.)  I can't think of a time when my kids were asked to wear a gown.  Dd has not had any appointments where she needed a gynecological exam yet, though. 

 

As far as gynegological exams are concerned, I think it is wise for the doctor and the patient to have a 2nd person present.  My doctor and my gynecologist and my midwife all had someone else in the room during that part of the exam (usually a nurse.)  The one time I did not, the doctor was very rough.  I never went back.  I think that doc ended up getting charged with molesting patients. 

[mrsrevmeg]

I go with my husband in th eexam room. It never occured to me not to go in with my kids. If they, or the doctor, ever asked me not to, I certainly would not. My husband likes for me to go in with him so I can ask questions that he might no think of and remember what the doctor said.

[AimeeM]

The docs who did my female-oriented exams did not have someone else in the room.

Really? I thought it was required everywhere now. Any female-oriented exams I've had, since I was in my teens - there was always a third party present (nurse).

[Luanne]

When I see the doctor, I usually have my daughter or my mother with me (or both).  That way if I miss something they said, hopefully one of the other two can catch it.  It also helps me feel less stressed to have them with me.  Of course I'm going through a lot of health issues so.....

[Tanaqui]

Same answer as for when you should stop walking around naked at home or stop cosleeping or whatever else - when the kid is more comfortable without you. (Presuming they are capable of answering questions and stating concerns, of course.) The girls have been going into the dentist on their own for quite a while, because his exam room is teensy. They have not yet been to the doctor alone, though, because we have to wait ages in there and they are unable or unwilling to sit still while waiting, and prefer to jump on top of me and demand I read to them or let them blow up exam gloves or things like that. (To be honest, I'm a little scared they'd wreck the place if I sent them in alone, though it'd serve the office right for making us wait half an hour after ALREADY calling us in after our appointment time to go in in the first place! But I like our doctor, even if the scheduling there is awful.)

 

I'm a little surprised at the people saying they go with their husband into the exam room! I would never bring a family member to my doctor's appointment unless I genuinely couldn't manage on my own. It wouldn't even occur to me.It's not that I think it's bad or wrong or anything like that, your choices clearly aren't my business, it just is something I would not have imagined except under very limited circumstances.

 

To answer the earlier question about gynecologists, you start going to them sometime between the age of 13 and 15. You should certainly start going once you are, um, active, though of course many young women don't want to bring that up with their parents. But even if you're not, it's a good idea to go just to make sure everything is fine.

 

[Crimson Wife]

My OB's and midwives have always had a nurse or PA in the room when doing pelvic exams. I also had a dermatologist once call his nurse in the room as witness during a mole check. I was surprised by that but I guess he figured it would protect him against any false accusations that some unscrupulous person might claim.

[Mergath]

Really? I thought it was required everywhere now. Any female-oriented exams I've had, since I was in my teens - there was always a third party present (nurse).

 

I've only had that happen once, and for me, it made it even more awkward.  It was like my vag had an audience. :P  I want as few people in there as possible when I'm having a pelvic exam.

[AimeeM]

I've only had that happen once, and for me, it made it even more awkward.  It was like my vag had an audience. :p  I want as few people in there as possible when I'm having a pelvic exam.

Oh I'm with you. I hate it. I wish I could request NOT to have a third party. I prefer male OBGYNs, and the nurses at the office are female... and frankly, I'm with my OBGYN because I love HIM... not necessarily his support staff. It's just awkward.

[Mergath]

Oh I'm with you. I hate it. I wish I could request NOT to have a third party. I prefer male OBGYNs, and the nurses at the office are female... and frankly, I'm with my OBGYN because I love HIM... not necessarily his support staff. It's just awkward.

 

I would totally do mine at home if I could and mail in the swab.

[Ivey]

My older kids go in alone for dental cleanings, orthodontic adjustments, flu shots, physicals for athletic clearance, and other appointments that don't involve any exchange of important information. For any real issues, Ds19 still wants me there. 

[TranquilMind]

I've started to believe that no one should go to the doctor alone. I'm thinking I'll take dh next time I go actually.

 

If the kids didn't want me there I'd respect that, I have just started to think that a) everyone deserves an advocate b ) medical information is confusing and c) doctors are mostly intimidating jerks.

This is my belief exactly.  EVERYONE should have a second set of eyes and ears with them at a doctor's office for so many reasons.  I even attend with my husband and he with me, whenever possible.  There are just too many things to cover and I want a witness.   I'd ask my kids to go with me now, if they were available (unless I didn't want them exposed to contagions).    I went with my Mom when she was alive. 

 

My husband did recently pass out when *I* had blood taken though.  We might rethink that part.  People came rushing in and asking how much blood he had taken, and the lady who took my blood said that no, it was ME who had blood taken, but HE couldn't handle it.  

[Tap]

I have gone to every medical, dental and vision appointment for my kids.  

 

Out pediatrician doesn't have them dress down unless there is a reason.  None of our doctors have ever questioned me going back with my kids, or the other kids coming along. 

 

Ds needs a full exam every few years due to testicular cancer risk in his father's family.  For that, I step out side the room and return when they ask for me to come back in. After about 16yo, I offered to let him go to the appointment alone, but he still wanted me to go.  He is now 20 and we are getting ready to talk to the doctor about a med change in his ADD med, so I will still go to that appointment with him because I work in pharmacy and want to talk to the doctor about a particular med.  I would have no problem with ds going alone and just sending a note about the med, but it is just easier to talk in person and he knows that I work in pharmacy so he will talk to me in more clinical terms that he would to my son.

 

DD16 absolutely refuses to go to the doctor without me in the room, so if they tried to get her to go alone, I don't think they will get very far with her. The only thing that dd16 does alone is get her allergy shots if I am busy at the receptionist.  Otherwise, she drags me everywhere with her.  In fact her boyfriend is often with us as well.  He goes to the allergist, orthodontist and dermatologist with her quite often.  LOL We did ask him to stay home at her sports physical, since we weren't sure if the doc was going to have her dress down or not to check her spine.  He just checked her over her t-shirt and called it good. 

 

 

 

Both of my older kids are very extroverted....to the point that they really don't like to be alone if they don't have to.  I think that waiting in the room alone is pretty boring for them, so that is their reason for wanting me there. We sit and make jokes the whole time.. If I wasn't with them, I am sure they would drag a friend along. LOL 

 

 

[SKL]

Now that I think about it ... my younger sister freaks out so bad at gyn visits, she forces her husband to come along in case she passes out or has a panic attack.  What a good sport he is IMO.

[Murphy101]

Same answer as for when you should stop walking around naked at home or stop cosleeping or whatever else - when the kid is more comfortable without you. (Presuming they are capable of answering questions and stating concerns, of course.)

But that can very from age 2 to never. What about nudist? What about people that live in confined spaces with many other people? Plenty of these people exist and they just don't have a hang up about their bodies around family. That aside, I don't presume all medical care is on par with being naked. I would expect both the dr and the parent or whoever not the spouse to step out for a few while a patient goes gets in or out of those see thru pieces of paper laughingly called gowns and sheets. But just like the dr, I would think it perfectly fine for the other person to walk back in too.

 

I'm a little surprised at the people saying they go with their husband into the exam room! I would never bring a family member to my doctor's appointment unless I genuinely couldn't manage on my own. It wouldn't even occur to me.It's not that I think it's bad or wrong or anything like that, your choices clearly aren't my business, it just is something I would not have imagined except under very limited circumstances.

Well to be fair, under your above opinion it makes sense. I'm naked around him all the time, so I guess I'm okay with having him at the drs office. ;)

 

Seriously though. It's a good idea. It's only when someone realizes in hindsight how much it would have been a good idea that they see the value. It has nothing to do with incompetence or maturity of the patient. Perpetuating that feeling in patients though is very dangerous to their health though. It intimidates them from asking questions and being forceful enough in demanding better care and makes them feel foolish. I've seen too many people who didn't ask questions bc of that or were brushed off, when if they had had a second voice to speak up for them, it would have made all the difference in the outcomes for that patient. And this has nothing to do with bad drs or nurses either. They make mistakes. A second voice for the patient can also be good for them too. It makes them take another minute they might not have and sometimes that minute makes all the difference.

[Murphy101]

My dh will pass out cold at the sight of MY blood. His? Doesn't like it, but okay. Kids? Same thing. Mine? On the floor. He copes my holding my hand, which I don't need, and looking anywhere but at the blood draw and talking about anything else. But hey it takes his mind off it.

[mamakelly]

Really? I thought it was required everywhere now. Any female-oriented exams I've had, since I was in my teens - there was always a third party present (nurse).

 

I've never had more than the dr in the room for pap. ITA, that would be even more awkward than it already is!

[stephanier.1765]

I just took my 18 year old to the doctor. Since it was his first visit as an adult, I thought I'd show him the ropes (since the Naval Hospital has certain ways to do things) so he could go on his own from then on.....except the doctor still made me go back with him. What?! Next time I just won't go at all because this is a life skill that he needs to learn and if I'm not there they can't force mommy into the exam room.

[Tanaqui]

But that can very from age 2 to never.

 

LOL, yes, that's rather the point. It's a personal choice to be made by parents and children together, not by hewing to some arbitrary age.

 

[Jane in NC]

My OB's and midwives have always had a nurse or PA in the room when doing pelvic exams. I also had a dermatologist once call his nurse in the room as witness during a mole check. I was surprised by that but I guess he figured it would protect him against any false accusations that some unscrupulous person might claim.

 

In my experience, the third person is often the note taker or the one who hands over specimen containers.  I have total skin checks annually.  My dermatologist is female but she always has a nurse as notetaker in the room.

[Joules]

I still go in with mine...ds 17yo, ddad 84yo. They both prefer me to be there, but I'd be fine with them asking me not to (though if dad goes without me, I do have to call the doc to see what he actually said.). Dh seems to manage by himself, though he goes with me when I'm having difficult issues and need another set of ears or emotional support.

[Laura Corin]

Calvin started going in on his own at 16 or so.  The thing I worry about is whether a child will be assertive enough to push for treatment/tests if warranted, or ask relevant questions.  And whether the child will remember everything said to him.

 

L

[The Girls' Mom]

My soon to be 18 year old still wants me to go with her, and I will continue to do so until she feels ok with going alone.  (Even if that is after she is married and has kids of her own! lol)  Honestly, she feels more comfortable with me there.  I know her medical history, and we have a good relationship.  

[SporkUK]

I'm another who would always recommend anyone having another pair of eyes and ears. If they didn't want me to, I would respect that - though I'd want someone in shouting distance in the waiting room or ready with a phone. But I can see why those who have very trusted family doctors probably think my view is a bit much. 

 

Maybe it's because I'm disabled person who has had more than my fair share of appointments - and far more than my fair share of medical abuse by so-called professionals (I was violently assaulted at 18 right after my partner was asked to leave the room - never allowed them to send him away again, that was one of the worst occasions) - I dislike going alone and am particularly uncomfortable of the idea of any of my kids, especially my disabled children going in alone and facing what I did. I'm a nervous patient so my doctors are used to my partner coming with me most of time and he takes the kids to their appointments.  My partner who is also disabled goes by himself most of the time, but as a 6'3" guy who is built as like brick house, the most he's gotten is doctor's not taking him seriously if they're not used to guys as young as him needing mobility devices and the like. 

[Farrar]

I'm a little surprised at the people saying they go with their husband into the exam room! I would never bring a family member to my doctor's appointment unless I genuinely couldn't manage on my own. It wouldn't even occur to me.It's not that I think it's bad or wrong or anything like that, your choices clearly aren't my business, it just is something I would not have imagined except under very limited circumstances.

 

I wouldn't want a family member in the room for many types of exams, but I have really come to the conclusion that I do for the chat part.

 

For me, this came out of arguing with my grandmother about how she should not be at the doctor's by herself. She's elderly, but she still lives independently and is pretty with it. There's not a specific reason that I feel this is unsafe based on her and as I was trying to convey that to her that it was not saying she was "too old" or anything like that, but rather that everyone should go to the doctor with an extra set of eyes and ears and the ability to advocate for the patient. I realized that I don't think anyone should ever face a doctor alone if they have any sort of health issues at all. And not even like a serious disease or someone who's very elderly, but really nearly any level of health issues.

 

So I guess I came at this from the other side, but talking that through (even though I didn't persuade her or my father... argh... totally other story) really helped me see why *I* want dh there with me, even if it's just to talk about recurring headaches or neck pain or something.