Trite sayings you can't stand

[teachermom2834]

I used to hate “sucks” and never allowed my kids to use it. Now I find myself using it even casually. That’s embarrassing. I still think it is crass.

I have often said I didn’t drink or swear until I had teenagers. It wasn’t that they swore and it wore off on me- they never did in front of me. It was just that raising teens was so trying for me apparently I needed to add a couple coping mechanisms. They are grown now so I should really clean it up. 

[Ellie]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

I just saw a Pin on pinterest that says "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is someone is stupid and makes bad choices."

And *that's* one of my favorites. 🙂

[Ellie]

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

I used to hate “sucks” and never allowed my kids to use it. Now I find myself using it even casually. That’s embarrassing. I still think it is crass.

I have often said I didn’t drink or swear until I had teenagers. It wasn’t that they swore and it wore off on me- they never did in front of me. It was just that raising teens was so trying for me apparently I needed to add a couple coping mechanisms. They are grown now so I should really clean it up. 

Yup.

I have said, "Sucks to be you," usually when someone is whining. I try to be careful where I say that, though, lol.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Like many words, the word "sucks" no longer has the connotation that it started with. 

[mathnerd]

"Everything will be fine ...": I hate this statement as there is no rhyme or reason or logic that something that went wrong suddenly decides to correct itself and "everything" will be fine. I hate this more than all the others mentioned because this is my DH's favorite phrase to say every single time things go bad!

And my teen has picked up on this habit and now says "Everything will be fine, mom, just relax!". How can forgetting to register for a class which you wanted to attend and the deadline has passed be counted as "fine"? But, this is how my family minus me operates all the time!

[Eos]

I dislike all of the trite New Agey sayings that have been voiced here, but I also really dislike some that are more...prosaic? pop-culture?  Specifically do I hate:

"a lot of moving parts"  "shoot me an email" "living in his head rent free"

And other modern ironic cliches.  To be fair, I use phrases like "oh my word" on a daily basis so I might not be the best judge 🙂 

Side-note: I've tried to break myself of using the F-word because as a feminist, I object to the idea that the worst possible thing/epithet/adjective is being made female as the "recipient" of f-ing.

 

Edited September 8, 2022 by Eos

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, mathnerd said:

"Everything will be fine ...": I hate this statement as there is no rhyme or reason or logic that something that went wrong suddenly decides to correct itself and "everything" will be fine. I hate this more than all the others mentioned because this is my DH's favorite phrase to say every single time things go bad!

My husband hates this one and I do say it. He says it's even worse when it does turn out to be fine. A couple of years back we had a big talk about this and he grilled me about why I always think it's going to be "fine". My answer was I don't think things are going to magically fix or correct itself. I do think however, that life will continue to go on even at a less than ideal reality. 

[Ting Tang]

“The jab.”    It sounds so violent. And I don’t want my children hearing that. 

[regentrude]

" there is always hope." "Focus on gratitude".

No, sometime there isn't . And gratitude doesn't solve problems.

both were said to me be the same person when my father was dying. I don't normally hold grudges, but I have not been able to forgive them for saying that in this situation. 

[Melissa in Australia]

9 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

'Such is life'. I don't know why I find it so irritating. 

Ah but you don't have a famous bushranger that is meant to have  said it just before getting hung. 

 That makes saying it or hearing it said  way more interesting. 

[Clarita]

56 minutes ago, regentrude said:

both were said to me be the same person when my father was dying. I don't normally hold grudges, but I have not been able to forgive them for saying that in this situation. 

Also reminds me of "They are in a better place." after someone passes away. Unless you really truly know that person and are absolutely sure the people close to that person also think that the deceased is going to heaven, don't say that.

I got real tired of having to comfort people after my dad passed away when they said that and I'd burst into tears because to my knowledge my dad hated Jesus up to his death. 

[kbutton]

8 hours ago, KSera said:

“At least they died doing what they loved.” Often said after a horrific accident or incident like an avalanche killing a mountaineer or a paragliding jump gone wrong. I am certain that the skier caught in an avalanche and being buried under the snow is not having an exhilarating time “doing what they love” when they die 🙁. That one is awful and I hear it frequently. 

I tend to agree, but I do know at least one someone that would likely very much be comforted by this...he once got a concussion and had short-term memory loss all night. Every few minutes, he'd be unsure of what had happened, but he would say, "I was having fun when this happened, right?" It was super important to be sure it was true (and it was). 😬 

[BlsdMama]

9 hours ago, Scarlett said:

That phrase always makes me think of my friend who died from breast cancer at age 37. She said it in reference to the cancer she could not beat. But she did do everything she could. 

Yep. I say it too… I mean, I’m fresh out of trite sayings and I’m really not a comfort others place, so 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

[momto3innc]

1. You’ve got this. 
2. This is happening to you because you’re so strong.

Or really any phrase when something bad is happening but the person talking to me MUST find what’s positive about it. No, just mourn with me. That’s enough. 
It has helped me learn how to mourn with others. For that, I am grateful.

[regentrude]

9 hours ago, KSera said:

“At least they died doing what they loved.” Often said after a horrific accident or incident like an avalanche killing a mountaineer or a paragliding jump gone wrong. I am certain that the skier caught in an avalanche and being buried under the snow is not having an exhilarating time “doing what they love” when they die 🙁. That one is awful and I hear it frequently. 

I would much prefer dying in a rock climbing accident than after long drawn-out illness incapacitated in a hospital bed. Dying while doing what they loved at least means they were able to enjoy life until the end and not linger with a feeding tube and diapers for a year while their brain cells slowly died off. I'd rather take a shorter life than an end without agency.

A friend died recently having a heart attack while playing his guitar to his wife. While it was entirely too soon, it's the best way to go.

Edited September 9, 2022 by regentrude

[Jean in Newcastle]

Some of these are things I say about myself and my own circumstances. If someone else doesn’t like it, well….sucks to be them?

Such is life at times. Its a variation on “life is not fair”. Self pity and whining are two things that I abhor- in myself as well as others. So I remind myself that “such is life”. Also- “it is what it is “. Wishful thinking won’t change certain circumstances. So I have a mixture of resigned acceptance but anyone who knows me irl knows, that is paired with working like hell to improve my situation as much as I can. 

Edited September 9, 2022 by Jean in Newcastle
Typo

[gardenmom5]

12 hours ago, LostSurprise said:

"I wouldn't change anything (x mistake), because then I wouldn't be who I am today." 

or 

"The past is the past." 

 

I want people to be able to accept who and where they are, but every time I hear this the person is abdicating any ability to reflect on what they've done and make changes for the future. And it's particularly lazy if it involves things which hurt other people. Consequences don't magically disappear because time went by and you don't want to think about it anymore. 

I've reached the point, I've realized I would do some of the worst experiences of my life over again because of what I learned from them is more valuable to me.  Some details might be different, but the gist is the same. It took me a long time to get there. yes - you may question my sanity.  I have.  I joke fools rush in where angels fear to tread.  I would never dream of saying that someone else should think that way.

It wasn't abdicating responsibility for me.  It was about things done to me, as well as my own mistakes.  

 

My brother loves to say "the past is the past", or some version.  But he does it because he's a narcissist and doesn't want anyone to mention the past lest he be held accountable for what everyone else thinks is his outrageous behavior and he thinks is perfectly acceptable.  

 

9 hours ago, kokotg said:

Variations on "it goes by so fast!" said to people in the thick of parenting young children annoys me. It doesn't make things any easier, and it adds the layer of making you feel guilty for not cherishing every sleepless night and temper tantrum or creating enough priceless childhood memories before you run out of time!

I've always seen is as a "this too shall pass".  Yes, life with small children is intense - but it doesn't last forever.  You're not going to be changing diapers forever.  There is a light at the end of that tunnel.  Cherishing those moments is but one small part of that statement.  it's also a "there will come a day when you are free from this."

though I'm still waiting for that empty nest I keep hearing about . . . . . . . . . .. 

during some particular difficult times, we used to joke (with the line from Fiddler on the Roof) . . . Next year in Jerusalem. . . . 

8 hours ago, Soror said:

That's just her personality and has been for as long as I've known her. Showing empathy is not a skill of hers. And she's certainly not in the "things to be grateful" stage. 

I hate when people have used that line to excuse someone for their rude behavior.  Rude is rude. If their personality is to be abrasive to others, they need to "adjust their attitude" . . . . . . .

7 hours ago, Ellie said:

Yup.

I have said, "Sucks to be you," usually when someone is whining. I try to be careful where I say that, though, lol.

I've really only heard it in response to someone who won't listen to advice about how to avoid the cliff they're heedlessly running towards. (so to speak".)  iow: they're bringing something upon themself.

2 hours ago, Clarita said:

Also reminds me of "They are in a better place." after someone passes away. Unless you really truly know that person and are absolutely sure the people close to that person also think that the deceased is going to heaven, don't say that.

I got real tired of having to comfort people after my dad passed away when they said that and I'd burst into tears because to my knowledge my dad hated Jesus up to his death. 

This one bugs me because to me: it isn't about giving comfort to the bereaved but brushing them off as "you shouldn't be upset" (so I don't' have to comfort you.)   

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

I tend to agree, but I do know at least one someone that would likely very much be comforted by this...he once got a concussion and had short-term memory loss all night. Every few minutes, he'd be unsure of what had happened, but he would say, "I was having fun when this happened, right?" It was super important to be sure it was true (and it was). 😬 

I had a friend who was driving with a group of friends. Shortly after reaching their destination, she fell and suffered a severe concussion. (there were some medical personnel there running towards her in fear she'd been killed.).  She had short term memory loss, and kept asking if she'd slept the whole way.  "no dear, you talked the whole time."

[Guest]

14 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

"God/life does not give you anything you can't handle"

I have a cocktail of mental health meds I need to take just to be able to halfway function that say otherwise.

 

That’s mine too. I always want to say, “Welp. He was wrong.”

Closely tied with, “Maybe your biggest disappointments are blessings in disguise.” Having your baby die or getting a cancer diagnosis are not blessings in any light. Or other things…someone who is raped, someone whose child murdered, someone who was a prisoner of war, someone who was tortured, someone who was abused by the people who should have nurtured them, someone who lives where there is famine and watches their children slowly starve to death…

[Drama Llama]

As an adoptive parent, any version of "God meant for him to be with you" or "God planned for him to be with you" or "God knew he was always yours". 

Adoption is a beautiful but imperfect solution to tragic situations.  My child's entire world was shattered by a drunk driver.  I loved being his mom.  But it's never what I wanted for him.  I wanted him to have his mommy and daddy.  I don't know what I believe about God, but I sure as heck can't believe in a God who would want me to have 3 kids and not 2 and create it through that kind of tragedy, rather than just letting me have twins back in 2010.  If the Christian worldview is accurate, then his parents' death was 100% the result of sin.  

ETA: Just in case I wasn't 100% clear, I mean the sin of the driver, not of his first parents!

Edited September 9, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Emba]

“Everything happens for a reason” is the one I thought of when I read the thread title. I mean yes, everything has a cause, but that’s not what people mean. They mean God is up there orchestrating the painful events of life and also implying that they, the speaker, somehow have insight into smart those reasons might be. Don’t get me wrong, I think that God  can bring beauty from ashes but it is not because He set the fire to begin with. It’s because of his sovereign creativity and ability to redeem.

[DawnM]

10 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

As an adoptive parent, any version of "God meant for him to be with you" or "God planned for him to be with you" or "God knew he was always yours". 

100% agreed!

10 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

   

Adoption is a beautiful but imperfect solution to tragic situations. 

YES!

10 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

 

My child's entire world was shattered by a drunk driver.  I loved being his mom.  But it's never what I wanted for him.  I wanted him to have his mommy and daddy.  I don't know what I believe about God, but I sure as heck can't believe in a God who would want me to have 3 kids and not 2 and create it through that kind of tragedy, rather than just letting me have twins back in 2010. 

I am so sorry.   

10 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

 

If the Christian worldview is accurate, then his parents' death was 100% the result of sin.  

ETA: Just in case I wasn't 100% clear, I mean the sin of the driver, not of his first parents!

😥

[Ali in OR]

On a more trivial note, when the person voted off Survivor says "I was true to myself".

Umm, that's not really a high standard...

[Granny_Weatherwax]

"You'll get over it" usually said by someone who did something they were specifically asked not to do or something that they knew would be uncomfortable or objectionable to someone else.

 

"You/she/he just needed to be shown what you/she/he should like"

[Kassia]

Maybe this one was already mentioned but I just saw it this morning and thought of this thread.  Someone was venting on a FB support group about symptoms they were finding upsetting/distressing and someone replied, "Count your blessings."  I get that putting things in perspective can help sometimes but I felt like this person needed support and not basically told their feelings weren't valid.  

 

 

[marbel]

I thought of another, don't think it was mentioned - "it's only money."

Usually seems to be said by people who have enough money for all their needs and many/most/all of their wants, and said to someone who is not in that position.  We all know that money is not the most important thing, and that it does not buy happiness but it buys food, shelter, transportation, medicine, health care (not health itself)... 

[pitterpatter]

I haven't read all the responses, but I thought of one last night that was said to me last week. It's been irritating me on and off ever since.

"I hope we can make the best of things."

Meaning in this case that this person hopes that I can suck up all the hurt while he/she does whatever he/she wants.

[happi duck]

This thread reminds me of "ring theory".

Some of these phrases can be super helpful to *oneself* it's when someone uses them to "dump in" that they're a problem.

https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

 

[KungFuPanda]

On 9/8/2022 at 5:10 AM, Rosie_0801 said:

That one, and "you can do anything you want if you try hard enough."
 

Yep, I'm a bad person because I'm too lazy to transcend reality. *eye roll*

"Everything happens for a reason" is true though. The reason is usually because someone is being a jerk.

One year DS went to MDA camp and the theme was Dream Big.  He came home tired and over it all at the end of the week telling us his counselors were “really smoking the Dream Big this year.” 🤣

[KeriJ]

I hate the social media comment: "Say it louder for the people in the back!"

It's fingernails on the chalkboard to me.😄

[SKL]

Just getting to this thread.

Well I agree with half of these, and I am guilty of the other half, LOL.

It probably depends on who's saying the phrase and in what context.  For example, "it is what it is" works for me when it's something none of us can change.  But if said by the person whose controllable actions caused the situation, nope.

"You do you" is a phrase I use when I really want to say "F you, all you care about is yourself."  😛  So I guess if it bugs people, that might be the point.  😛

Some of the phrases are annoying mostly because some polarizing group has adopted it as an insult to those they disagree with.

But for my own contribution here:

"When we know better, we do better."  Said by people who feel superior to others in some respect.  I mean, again, if a person is saying it about herself (like, I used to do xyz, but now I know better), then fine.  But I always see it used as "you are ignorant and your choices are bad."

Edited September 11, 2022 by SKL

[SKL]

Oh also "you're a good mom."  Maybe it's my contrary nature, but it just makes me think of all the reasons it isn't true.  Which I may or may not go on to list for the benefit of the person who wants to think I'm a good mom.  😛

I mean I don't think I'm a horrible mom.  But the funny thing is ... if someone said I was a horrible mom, I think my contrary brain would respond better as far as encouragement to keep going.  😛  (Which brings up another trite saying ... the "keep on keeping on" genre.  Like we have any choice, right?)

Edited September 11, 2022 by SKL

[Danae]

16 minutes ago, SKL said:

 

But for my own contribution here:

"When we know better, we do better."  Said by people who feel superior to others in some respect.  I mean, again, if a person is saying it about herself (like, I used to do xyz, but now I know better), then fine.  But I always see it used as "you are ignorant and your choices are bad."

Interesting.  I’ve only ever heard it used to comfort someone who regrets their previous actions/words.

[Clarita]

9 hours ago, SKL said:

Oh also "you're a good mom."  Maybe it's my contrary nature, but it just makes me think of all the reasons it isn't true.  Which I may or may not go on to list for the benefit of the person who wants to think I'm a good mom.  😛

Even if I don't say it out loud my brain is now thinking of all the things I do that are less than perfect. I'm glad someone else's brain reacts in the same way too. 

 

[Amethyst]

“No regrets!” as in when young people say it meaning something like, I’m going to go out into the world and live a wild life and I’ll have no regrets! 
(I can’t think of a better way to have LOTS of regrets than by living a reckless selfish lifestyle)

[Kassia]

12 hours ago, SKL said:

Oh also "you're a good mom."  Maybe it's my contrary nature, but it just makes me think of all the reasons it isn't true.  Which I may or may not go on to list for the benefit of the person who wants to think I'm a good mom.  😛

I mean I don't think I'm a horrible mom.  But the funny thing is ... if someone said I was a horrible mom, I think my contrary brain would respond better as far as encouragement to keep going.  😛  (Which brings up another trite saying ... the "keep on keeping on" genre.  Like we have any choice, right?)

 

2 hours ago, Clarita said:

Even if I don't say it out loud my brain is now thinking of all the things I do that are less than perfect. I'm glad someone else's brain reacts in the same way too. 

 

I have a friend who is an absolutely amazing mom.  I'm in absolute awe of her and I know many of her other friends are as well.  We are always telling her what a wonderful mom she is and I don't think she sees it.  I wish we could see ourselves as others do.  

I react the same way if someone gives me a compliment though - I start thinking of all the negatives and I actually feel worse than if someone hadn't complimented me at all (for most things, not all).  

 

[Farrar]

I've considered violence over "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Like, dude, I'll get upset if I want to get upset. 

[Scarlett]

9 hours ago, Farrar said:

I've considered violence over "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Like, dude, I'll get upset if I want to get upset. 

Lol…..the version I know is ‘ you get what you and you don’t throw a fit’,  

[Scarlett]

On 9/8/2022 at 11:15 AM, kokotg said:

Variations on "it goes by so fast!" said to people in the thick of parenting young children annoys me. It doesn't make things any easier, and it adds the layer of making you feel guilty for not cherishing every sleepless night and temper tantrum or creating enough priceless childhood memories before you run out of time!

 

On 9/8/2022 at 11:30 AM, purpleowl said:

YES. "The days are long, but the years are short" is the one that bugs me the most. So very dismissive of the legitimate struggles that a mom (almost invariably it's directed toward moms) is dealing with at that present time.

Now, if thinking of that is how a particular mom wants to help HERSELF maintain perspective, cool. But if another mom says "hey, this thing in parenting is really hard," that's when I find it dismissive. (See also "oh, just wait until they hit [insert age or life stage somewhere past where the struggling mom's kids are].")

I was 34 when I became a mom and I took these two phrases very seriously.  I focused on my son and I was frantically trying not to miss anything and to appreciate everything.  But no matter what you do it truly does go by so fast.  So I have said ‘the days are long but the years are short’ to young moms in a nostalgic and commiserating way.  
 

It is Impossible  to escape all mom guilt and regret.  

[scholastica]

On 9/9/2022 at 8:22 AM, Kassia said:

Maybe this one was already mentioned but I just saw it this morning and thought of this thread.  Someone was venting on a FB support group about symptoms they were finding upsetting/distressing and someone replied, "Count your blessings."  I get that putting things in perspective can help sometimes but I felt like this person needed support and not basically told their feelings weren't valid.  

 

 

This is so true. Gratitude is vital to my mental health, but I want to rip someone’s face off when they say this to me. It’s okay to mourn and be sad in losses for a while.

[Farrar]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Lol…..the version I know is ‘ you get what you and you don’t throw a fit’,  

You know, I'm not bothered by that one. One, it's correct that "get" and "fit" rhyme because I'm a southerner at heart. And two, I'll feel (and my kids will feel!) how they want to feel, thank you. So if we're upset with our lottery draw popsicles, that's our right. But throwing a fit is disrupting everyone else, and that's not in our rights. So, much better version.

[Drama Llama]

7 hours ago, Farrar said:

You know, I'm not bothered by that one. One, it's correct that "get" and "fit" rhyme because I'm a southerner at heart. And two, I'll feel (and my kids will feel!) how they want to feel, thank you. So if we're upset with our lottery draw popsicles, that's our right. But throwing a fit is disrupting everyone else, and that's not in our rights. So, much better version.

Interesting.  I don't think of "getting upset" as a feeling.  I think of it as a milder version of "throwing a tantrum".  So, "you don't get upset" isn't the equivalent of "you don't get sad" (which, of course, would be a terrible thing to say to a kid), but is more like "you don't whine about it".   

I find the "fit" language to be kind of ableist, so I personally wouldn't use it. 

[Indigo Blue]

That just chaps my hide

That just makes my skin crawl

That just frosts me

She was on it like white on rice

If a bullfrog had wings, he wouldn’t have bumped his butt, now would he?

Don’t let the door hit you in the rear on the way out

Some of these are so southern. I’m not sure I dislike them all, though. Some of them make me giggle, and I’m guilty of using some of these. 

 

 

Edited September 12, 2022 by Indigo Blue

[Kassia]

14 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

 

Some of these are so southern. I’m not sure I dislike them all, though. Some of them make me giggle, and I’m guilty of using some of these. 

 

 

I have a friend from GA and some of her sayings make me laugh.  She actually bought me a shirt saying, "Butter My Buns and Call Me a Biscuit" because I thought it was so funny (I'm too embarrassed to wear this).  She also uses "gird my loins."  I had never heard of these before.  

[Indigo Blue]

6 minutes ago, Kassia said:

gird my loins."

Gosh, I’ve never heard that. I mean, used as an expression….I know that’s in the Bible. That reminds me of Tim Hawkin’s favorite Bible verse comedy skit. Funny. 😆
 

 

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, Kassia said:

"Butter My Buns and Call Me a Biscuit"

What does that mean?! I kind of want to use it now.

[Spryte]

2 hours ago, Clarita said:

What does that mean?! I kind of want to use it now.

We need to know this!

[KrissiK]

On 9/8/2022 at 10:34 AM, teachermom2834 said:

I used to hate “sucks” and never allowed my kids to use it. Now I find myself using it even casually. That’s embarrassing. I still think it is crass.

Same.

[Kassia]

4 hours ago, Clarita said:

What does that mean?! I kind of want to use it now.

 

2 hours ago, Spryte said:

We need to know this!

You'd say "Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit!" if you were kind of pleasantly surprised by something?  I think that's how I would explain it.  

Okay, Wiktionary has it as " An expression of astonishment upon learning something unbelievable (usually positive). "

ETA - when I looked it up, it seems like "butter my butt" is more common than "butter my buns."  

 

 

Edited September 13, 2022 by Kassia

[Laura Corin]

3 hours ago, Kassia said:

 

You'd say "Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit!" if you were kind of pleasantly surprised by something?  I think that's how I would explain it.  

Okay, Wiktionary has it as " An expression of astonishment upon learning something unbelievable (usually positive). "

ETA - when I looked it up, it seems like "butter my butt" is more common than "butter my buns."  

 

 

OK. This foreigner needs to know if biscuits are commonly buttered? I've had them with gravy but no extra butter 

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, Laura Corin said:

OK. This foreigner needs to know if biscuits are commonly buttered? I've had them with gravy but no extra butter 

Yes, butter is commonly used. But not at the same time as gravy. 😉 Some people use butter by itself or together with honey or jelly/jam.

I've always heard the "butter my buns . . " saying used when a person was surprised, usually in a pleasant or interesting way.

Other southern expressions I like are:

Walking in tall cotton (when someone is doing something impressive/associating with impressive people)

Somebody licked the red off his candy (when someone is in a bad mood)

Edited September 13, 2022 by Pawz4me