Trite sayings you can't stand

[DawnM]

I realize everyone will have different opinions on this, but sometimes I just get so bugged by things people flippantly say.

For me, the phrase "everything happens for a reason" just gets under my skin.

 Yours?

[Rosie_0801]

That one, and "you can do anything you want if you try hard enough."
 

Yep, I'm a bad person because I'm too lazy to transcend reality. *eye roll*

"Everything happens for a reason" is true though. The reason is usually because someone is being a jerk.

[Melissa in Australia]

good things happen to good people

 

nopedy nope. heaps of good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. 

[teachermom2834]

I was going to say what Rosie said. The “you can do anything if you try hard enough” or “you can be anything you want if you set your mind to it” etc.

My kids love sports but no one was going to get paid to play ball. I used to tell them they could do anything that normal people could do. 
 

 

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Melissa in Australia said:

good things happen to good people

 

nopedy nope. heaps of good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. 

or the converse "bad things happen to bad people".

I've found people who are afraid of bad things happening to them say that the most.  they feel safe in their delusion.

[sweet2ndchance]

"God/life does not give you anything you can't handle"

I have a cocktail of mental health meds I need to take just to be able to halfway function that say otherwise.

 

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

I realize everyone will have different opinions on this, but sometimes I just get so bugged by things people flippantly say.

For me, the phrase "everything happens for a reason" just gets under my skin.

 Yours?

Closely tied to that is ‘it was God’s will’. My blood just boils on that one.  

[GailV]

"It's all good"

 

Often said as a variant of "no big deal" about a certain thing that has just happened. But whenever I hear it I always want to reel off a list of things that really are most certainly NOT good and actually downright sucky.

It isn't "all" good -- there are huge swathes somewhere on the spectrum of neutral to horrifyingly bad.

[MercyA]

40 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Closely tied to that is ‘it was God’s will’. My blood just boils on that one.  

Preach it. There's a reason Jesus taught us to pray, "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

[MEmama]

“It is what it is”. I mean, way to go abdicating all responsibility or interest in making meaningful change, I guess? 
 

Also, “Anyhoo”. The only times I’ve ever heard/seen it is in a passive aggressive way, usually after the speaker started a fuss and then when it fails they use the term to wash their hands of the mess they created by abruptly changing the subject. Another way to abdicate responsibility, in a way.

[elegantlion]

This is for a very specific situation but being told that plans were "not ruined, just delayed." Welp, let's see...all of the above statement also apply. Some people were just being jerks. the "bad people" in this situation did not have bad things happen to them, in fact, they got promotions and raises. 

[Laura Corin]

'Such is life'. I don't know why I find it so irritating. 

[EKS]

Science is real.

WTH does that even mean?  But it's all over the place on yard signs around here.

[LostSurprise]

"I wouldn't change anything (x mistake), because then I wouldn't be who I am today." 

or 

"The past is the past." 

 

I want people to be able to accept who and where they are, but every time I hear this the person is abdicating any ability to reflect on what they've done and make changes for the future. And it's particularly lazy if it involves things which hurt other people. Consequences don't magically disappear because time went by and you don't want to think about it anymore. 

[wintermom]

"Just relax," which is always said when I'm stressed or angry. The timing of hearing this usually makes me the opposite of relaxed. 😅

[Kassia]

I agree with so many of these.  

I also hate, "I understand" when you know they clearly don't.  

But I like most of the earlier posts better.  Some of them are especially insensitive.

[happi duck]

"Let go and let God."

🤐

[Jenny in Florida]

"Happiness is a choice."

Yep, that's definitely my problem; I'm just making the wrong "choice."

[teachermom2834]

1 hour ago, Laura Corin said:

'Such is life'. I don't know why I find it so irritating. 

Oh I say this all the time. I don’t know how else to respond to three appliances breaking in the same month or a kid breaking their glasses a week after they get them or the hot water heater going when you just paid off the Home Depot card or ….

well such is my life and I don’t know what else to say about it! 

[ScoutTN]

1 hour ago, EKS said:

Science is real.

WTH does that even mean?  But it's all over the place on yard signs around here.

It’s a protest against anti-vaxxers and those who think covid is a hoax or not dangerous.

[ScoutTN]

“It is what it is.”
 

Dh says this all the time and it drives me nuts for some reason.

 

[Spryte]

11 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

It’s a protest against anti-vaxxers and those who think covid is a hoax or not dangerous.

Yes, it is used that way sometimes. It also reaches back farther. It’s the first song from an old, beloved kid’s album by They Might Be Giants. My kids learned a ton of science from that album. There are a lot of young adults who grew up with the phrase because of it.

It’s the root of this quote by Neil de Grasse Tyson, as well: “The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.” Pretty sure he’s said variations of that multiple times. I know my young adult wore a shirt with that quote around 5 years ago, so predating Covid. 

Nevertheless, not a phrase I love either. Even with the song stuck in my head! 🤣 

“It is what it is,” and “everything happens for a reason,” are the two that make my hair stand up.

 

 

[SquirrellyMama]

Faith Over Fear - So many people at church wore these shirts during Covid, yet these are the same people who think every Muslim they see is going to kill them on the spot. 

Teachers aren't in it for the money, but the lives they change (or some variation of this 🐂 💩) I always feel like this perpetuates the idea that teachers shouldn't be paid well.

God gives kids with *insert disability* to parents he knows can handle the stress or who are the strongest (the wording is probably off,  you get the meaning) 

I hate all inspirational sayings. I much prefer a good sarcastic remark...

Kelly

 

Edited September 9, 2022 by SquirrellyMama

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, MEmama said:

“It is what it is”. I mean, way to go abdicating all responsibility or interest in making meaningful change, I guess? 
 

That phrase always makes me think of my friend who died from breast cancer at age 37. She said it in reference to the cancer she could not beat. But she did do everything she could. 

[EmilyGF]

2 hours ago, MEmama said:

“It is what it is”. I mean, way to go abdicating all responsibility or interest in making meaningful change, I guess? 
 

Also, “Anyhoo”. The only times I’ve ever heard/seen it is in a passive aggressive way, usually after the speaker started a fuss and then when it fails they use the term to wash their hands of the mess they created by abruptly changing the subject. Another way to abdicate responsibility, in a way.

LOL, this is one of my favorite sayings! I tend to be a very passionate person, and I realized a while back that I'd be happier (and more effective) if I channeled my energy into areas that I can do something about.

So, for example, when I got a letter from the kids' high school saying that they had not learned any Spanish that quarter due to lack of available Spanish substitutes, I said, "It is what it is." There is no way I can make a change here, besides raising my blood pressure. What do I do about the lousy public education? I volunteer teaching math to underprivileged kids and run a tutoring program in five high-poverty schools. That is enough. I'm not going to fight the battles that aren't mine. That saying was life-changing for me.

Emily

[Soror]

Most every cliche, when someone is using it as a way to dismiss what you are going through. Or just get you to move along as your hurt/fear/anxiety etc is not something they want to deal with so they give a trite remark to shut you up so they can continue on with their day. ie something bad happens--- "well, it is what it is" "It's God's plan" "that's life" "don't worry about it" "just relax" "stop spazzing" "it's no big deal"

I really, really can't stand when someone tries to dismiss or tell me how I should feel. Feelings don't have to be rational and make sense and they often don't. We can't just will them away. I've always been a sensitive person. I wish I wasn't because it can be so painful but I am. When something bad happens I just want acknowledgement- it doesn't have to big and protracted thing but being dismissed is more likely to keep me dwelling on it. I am an external processor. I need to get things out. I need to feel the things to move on, not judge and be judged that my feelings are wrong and invalid.

MIL is my #1 worst offender. Anything happens to her it's a BFD. Undeniably really huge (mostly) bad things happen here. Like when dd had the wreck-- Stop crying. You're kid is fine. Said to me right after I told her what happened. 

Now, whatever phrases people use to help them with their coping with said bad things--  I don't care, do what you got to do (unless said phrases are used as a way to excuse bad behavior). But if you have cancer or a loved one dies etc and it brings you comfort to say "it's God's plan" "it's life" or whatever I'm all for that. Different things resonate with different people.  I might tell myself-- it is what it is-- when I'm ready to move on but that is for me to decide not anyone else.

[KSera]

“At least they died doing what they loved.” Often said after a horrific accident or incident like an avalanche killing a mountaineer or a paragliding jump gone wrong. I am certain that the skier caught in an avalanche and being buried under the snow is not having an exhilarating time “doing what they love” when they die 🙁. That one is awful and I hear it frequently. 

[fairfarmhand]

6 minutes ago, Soror said:

Most every cliche, when someone is using it as a way to dismiss what you are going through. Or just get you to move along as your hurt/fear/anxiety etc is not something they want to deal with so they give a trite remark to shut you up so they can continue on with their day. ie something bad happens--- "well, it is what it is" "It's God's plan" "that's life" "don't worry about it" "just relax" "stop spazzing" "it's no big deal"

I really, really can't stand when someone tries to dismiss or tell me how I should feel. Feelings don't have to be rational and make sense and they often don't. We can't just will them away. I've always been a sensitive person. I wish I wasn't because it can be so painful but I am. When something bad happens I just want acknowledgement- it doesn't have to big and protracted thing but being dismissed is more likely to keep me dwelling on it. I am an external processor. I need to get things out. I need to feel the things to move on, not judge and be judged that my feelings are wrong and invalid.

MIL is my #1 worst offender. Anything happens to her it's a BFD. Undeniably really huge (mostly) bad things happen here. Like when dd had the wreck-- Stop crying. You're kid is fine. Said to me right after I told her what happened. 

Now, whatever phrases people use to help them with their coping with said bad things--  I don't care, do what you got to do (unless said phrases are used as a way to excuse bad behavior). But if you have cancer or a loved one dies etc and it brings you comfort to say "it's God's plan" "it's life" or whatever I'm all for that. Different things resonate with different people.  I might tell myself-- it is what it is-- when I'm ready to move on but that is for me to decide not anyone else.

I wish people could just say, "That really sucks. I'm sorry."

Nothing anyone can say can make things feel better.

[fairfarmhand]

3 minutes ago, KSera said:

“At least they died doing what they loved.” Often said after a horrific accident or incident like an avalanche killing a mountaineer or a paragliding jump gone wrong. I am certain that the skier caught in an avalanche and being buried under the snow is not having an exhilarating time “doing what they love” when they die 🙁. That one is awful and I hear it frequently. 

This phrase reminds me of this skit.

[Soror]

1 minute ago, fairfarmhand said:

I wish people could just say, "That really sucks. I'm sorry."

Nothing anyone can say can make things feel better.

Yes, exactly, acknowledge that sometimes thinks are awful. Not everything is good. Somethings are bad. I *try* very hard to do that when talking to people, especially after the last few years and being dismissed too many times. I'm sure I don't always succeed but I try. I remember vividly the people that got it right. That just listened and acknowledged. Some I don't even really know.

[EKS]

1 hour ago, ScoutTN said:

It’s a protest against anti-vaxxers and those who think covid is a hoax or not dangerous.

This particular sign has been around since before covid.

I should mention that I understand what they are trying to say, but "science is real" isn't it.  What they actually mean to say is, "The findings of science are correct (but only if I agree with them)."  Which, frankly, is also wrong (forgetting about the parenthetical) since the findings of science are by definition a moving target.

Edited September 8, 2022 by EKS

[marbel]

Pretty much all of the above.

Plus "you got this!" I know it's meant to be encouraging but it's said so often it seems meaningless.

"You're a great mom!" in certain situations - I'm thinking specifically of online groups where someone says it to someone they don't actually know well enough to declare her any sort of mom. Again, I know it's meant to be encouraging. 

 

 

 

[Storygirl]

Since someone brought it up as an alternative, I'll mention that I hate the use of the word "sucks" in phrases such as "that sucks" or "it sucks." It sounds very crass to me. Hate it so much, and it has become universally used and is impossible to avoid.

[kokotg]

Variations on "it goes by so fast!" said to people in the thick of parenting young children annoys me. It doesn't make things any easier, and it adds the layer of making you feel guilty for not cherishing every sleepless night and temper tantrum or creating enough priceless childhood memories before you run out of time!

[Kassia]

38 minutes ago, marbel said:

 

Plus "you got this!" I know it's meant to be encouraging but it's said so often it seems meaningless

 

 

 

Oops - I do this one a lot.  Especially with dd.  

 

20 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I hate the use of the word "sucks" in phrases such as "that sucks" or "it sucks." It sounds very crass to me. Hate it so much, and it has become universally used and is impossible to avoid.

I never thought about it until a friend of mine mentioned this a while ago and now I don't use it anymore and notice it more when others say it.  I don't hate it but it was something I didn't notice until she brought it up.  

[purpleowl]

Just now, kokotg said:

Variations on "it goes by so fast!" said to people in the thick of parenting young children annoys me. It doesn't make things any easier, and it adds the layer of making you feel guilty for not cherishing every sleepless night and temper tantrum or creating enough priceless childhood memories before you run out of time!

YES. "The days are long, but the years are short" is the one that bugs me the most. So very dismissive of the legitimate struggles that a mom (almost invariably it's directed toward moms) is dealing with at that present time.

Now, if thinking of that is how a particular mom wants to help HERSELF maintain perspective, cool. But if another mom says "hey, this thing in parenting is really hard," that's when I find it dismissive. (See also "oh, just wait until they hit [insert age or life stage somewhere past where the struggling mom's kids are].")

[Ellie]

1 hour ago, SquirrellyMama said:

I hate all inspirational sayings. I much prefer a good sarcastic remark...

I'm a master at sarcasm, and hence I have learned to say as little as possible, usually something banal like "I'm so sorry," even if there's a whole story going on in my head.

[SquirrellyMama]

17 minutes ago, kokotg said:

Variations on "it goes by so fast!" said to people in the thick of parenting young children annoys me. It doesn't make things any easier, and it adds the layer of making you feel guilty for not cherishing every sleepless night and temper tantrum or creating enough priceless childhood memories before you run out of time!

I hate this one. People say it all the time to me since my youngest is graduating from high school this year. I reply, "Yep, and I wouldn't want to repeat any of it. I love my kids, but I also love my quiet house". 

Kelly

[SanDiegoMom]

I dislike “That’s how we roll”.  It’s a humble brag.  It’s usually pointing to something quirky and unusual that seems weird to mainstream culture but they are secretly proud of. Like - oh wow your family plays board games every evening and has big Risk tournaments complete with silly prizes, or you have family bake-off competitions a La the Great British Baking Show? Yeah I know it’s weird but hey, that’s how we roll. 
 

I also hate You’ve got this- it’s been used so much in my circles as a military spouse during the worst times while husband was deployed.  There were some legitimately hard times and a lot of crying, sometimes just utter exhaustion, but hey, you’ve got this. Easy peasy. 
 

[Spryte]

“You do you.”

Blech.

[Clarita]

I hate the "Your mom will change when she has grand children." Or variants of this phrase not necessary mom and not necessary having grandchildren. Seriously how would it make me feel any better if she suddenly likes children when she had grandchildren but not when she had me. 

[fairfarmhand]

7 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

That one, and "you can do anything you want if you try hard enough."
 

Yep, I'm a bad person because I'm too lazy to transcend reality. *eye roll*

"Everything happens for a reason" is true though. The reason is usually because someone is being a jerk.

I just saw a Pin on pinterest that says "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is someone is stupid and makes bad choices."

[MercyA]

3 hours ago, wintermom said:

"Just relax," which is always said when I'm stressed or angry. The timing of hearing this usually makes me the opposite of relaxed. 😅

Yeah, I was told this when trying to conceive. Because we all know that relaxing magically removes endometriosis. 🙂 

[MercyA]

58 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Since someone brought it up as an alternative, I'll mention that I hate the use of the word "sucks" in phrases such as "that sucks" or "it sucks." It sounds very crass to me. Hate it so much, and it has become universally used and is impossible to avoid.

I was not allowed to say this at home growing up. I didn't ever think about the origin until it was pointed out to me. 

[MercyA]

4 hours ago, MEmama said:

“It is what it is”. I mean, way to go abdicating all responsibility or interest in making meaningful change, I guess? 

 

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

That phrase always makes me think of my friend who died from breast cancer at age 37. She said it in reference to the cancer she could not beat. But she did do everything she could. 

Yes. I just came back to this thread to say that this phrase was helpful to my grandpa and my mom when my grandpa was dying. It was a way for them to voice acceptance. 

I do understand that it could be irritating in other contexts, though.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Soror said:

Most every cliche, when someone is using it as a way to dismiss what you are going through. Or just get you to move along as your hurt/fear/anxiety etc is not something they want to deal with so they give a trite remark to shut you up so they can continue on with their day. ie something bad happens--- "well, it is what it is" "It's God's plan" "that's life" "don't worry about it" "just relax" "stop spazzing" "it's no big deal"

I really, really can't stand when someone tries to dismiss or tell me how I should feel. Feelings don't have to be rational and make sense and they often don't. We can't just will them away. I've always been a sensitive person. I wish I wasn't because it can be so painful but I am. When something bad happens I just want acknowledgement- it doesn't have to big and protracted thing but being dismissed is more likely to keep me dwelling on it. I am an external processor. I need to get things out. I need to feel the things to move on, not judge and be judged that my feelings are wrong and invalid.

MIL is my #1 worst offender. Anything happens to her it's a BFD. Undeniably really huge (mostly) bad things happen here. Like when dd had the wreck-- Stop crying. You're kid is fine. Said to me right after I told her what happened. 

Now, whatever phrases people use to help them with their coping with said bad things--  I don't care, do what you got to do (unless said phrases are used as a way to excuse bad behavior). But if you have cancer or a loved one dies etc and it brings you comfort to say "it's God's plan" "it's life" or whatever I'm all for that. Different things resonate with different people.  I might tell myself-- it is what it is-- when I'm ready to move on but that is for me to decide not anyone else.

I don’t know if your MIL has always been this way, but I see older ones begin to lose their filter and empathy. Or maybe they have just seen enough they are already skipping to the ‘things to be grateful for’ stage whole sometimes we just need to freak out a little.  I feel this way with young mothers……..I sometimes almost say ‘this too shall pass, but then I remember how irritating that is when sympathy and empathy is not expressed first.  

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Yeah, I was told this when trying to conceive. Because we all know that relaxing magically removes endometriosis. 🙂 

Sorry I laughed at your sarcasm, not your infertility. 

[Soror]

1 hour ago, Storygirl said:

Since someone brought it up as an alternative, I'll mention that I hate the use of the word "sucks" in phrases such as "that sucks" or "it sucks." It sounds very crass to me. Hate it so much, and it has become universally used and is impossible to avoid.

Usually sucks is the PG version of whatever I'm thinking when bad stuff happens. But that doesn't mean I use that as a go to for everyone going through something bad. I'm not going to use profanity or slang words unless I know a person well enough to know that won't bother him.

[Soror]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don’t know if your MIL has always been this way, but I see older ones begin to lose their filter and empathy. Or maybe they have just seen enough they are already skipping to the ‘things to be grateful for’ stage whole sometimes we just need to freak out a little.  I feel this way with young mothers……..I sometimes almost say ‘this too shall pass, but then I remember how irritating that is when sympathy and empathy is not expressed first.  

That's just her personality and has been for as long as I've known her. Showing empathy is not a skill of hers. And she's certainly not in the "things to be grateful" stage. 

[fairfarmhand]

21 minutes ago, Soror said:

Usually sucks is the PG version of whatever I'm thinking when bad stuff happens. But that doesn't mean I use that as a go to for everyone going through something bad. I'm not going to use profanity or slang words unless I know a person well enough to know that won't bother him.

Yes, me too. And I don't use it for random annoying things. Like you dropped your drink. This language is reserved for truly awful situations...babies born with life changing deformities, major car accidents,  etc.