I think I'll just "retire" after this kid raising thing - (spin off: discouraged about going back to work)

[Matryoshka]

2 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

I thought she meant both: that she wouldn't earn enough for her SS to be worthwhile, but also that it wouldn't mean much in cash terms.  But maybe I got that wrong.

Well, most of us do file jointly, in which case, yes, both.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Another factor for Us in not selling anytime soon is we have acreage in a booming state within driving distance to the largest city. DH commutes to that city every day from where we live. It is a fast growing area. Holding our land as an investment for us and our kids. Holding it as long as we physically can is only going to help it go up in value. Land in this area is A true commodity.

[Scarlett]

I would love to have the option of not working at all.  As it is we are making the decision for me to go back to part time.   Dh and I have very little in retirement accounts and.  We are doing the best we can to balance quality of life with financial responsbility.  We live very simply and almost have our house paid off.  Dh is 2 years younger than me but I feel his health is worse, so there are always things to worry about.

[Faith-manor]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 there are always things to worry about.

Quoted for truth!!!

[mum]

4 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

I know my thoughts on all of this are so skewed because my mom is a workaholic. It also spills over into her personal life and she talks about work nonstop. She’s always been work focused. She never really took an interest in grandkids or spent much time with them because she’s always been too busy. 
I’m afraid of that. You only have so much bandwidth, right? I can’t help my kids with their kids during the day and work full time? And also take care of aging parents?  

But I’m also afraid of the age gap and would much rather jump in and do like @Quilland get a certificate or something and start a career I feel more in control of at 50 rather than be forced to work wherever I can find something at 60. It’s just such a hard decision.

My mom was the opposite as yours and only did grandkid stuff. Now grandkids are all grown and she’s a bit lost. I am trying to have a bit of balance personally. I took some time off after homeschooling. Now I volunteer and have a part time WFH job that is ultra flexible. It doesn’t pay great, but I’m learning a lot and the people are great and it gives me something on my resume for if I ever did need to get something bigger/more full time. So I feel it’s a good middle ground. 

[teachermom2834]

Dh and I have been saving and planning and run the retirement calculators and they say we will be okay until we are in our 90s and beyond. And I know a hundred different things can happen to destroy that scenario. But my mom died at 64. We could never even make it to retirement. She didn't. 

My dh has a desk job and likes to work. He will work as long as he is able. He could work until he is 80 or have early onset dementia next month. 

We cannot live accounting for every doomsday scenario. Yes, I know crap can happen. I know social security could completely go under and our 401K could evaporate. I know I could be in an accident this afternoon and need nursing care the rest of my life. Nothing dh and I do with the time we have left can possibly accomodate all of those things happening. We need to live our lives before those terrible things happen (if they do) or keep on living them in case they don't. It is also possible that nothing horrible happens. Or Putin could start launching nukes next week. Or we could all die in a pandemic. 

I'm a super cautious and frugal person but at some point we just cannot account for everything that might happen. We have to have a balance in our lives too. I'm no Pollyanna but sometimes we could use one or two to pop up on these threads for balance. LOL. 

[iamonlyone]

I am doing what a couple of other posters mentioned: my earnings go for things outside of our normal budget. Having said that, we are in pretty good shape, on paper, for retirement. When our youngest went to college, I started working 9 a.m. - 1 p.m. Monday through Thursday (with PTO and an extra week off at Christmas). This allowed me lots of flexibility when she was home for college breaks. (I would have been sad being at work all day on her vacations!) I applied 90% of my earnings toward her college degree and 10% to a local homeless shelter. Now I am saving for a few months for a family vacation to celebrate said daughter's graduation.

Now that she is graduating next month, and I won't have any kids home for long stretches, I am contemplating picking up another part-time job, or even going full time. I am a homebody at heart, but there are many remote options right now. My earnings could go toward all kinds of things: college girl's wedding expenses (next summer), $13,000 needed for new deck and patio (needs to be redone due to settling and damage), $7,000 for garage doors that are on their last legs, a repaved driveway, vacations, maxing IRAs ($14,000 per year), maxing HSA savings ($8,300 per year)... It's easy for me to spend that hypothetical money so many ways!

My plan for after homeschooling had been to volunteer and be involved with my parents, kids, and eventually grandchildren; however, my parents both passed away suddenly during my youngest child's high school years, two of my kids live out of state, we don't have grandchildren yet, and college girl has accepted a job an hour away and plans to be married next summer. So, I have several years that I have more freedom with my time than I have had since I was single.

I figure even if I only work three more years, that could result in earnings of anywhere between $40,000 for very part time to who knows? for full time. Wages in my area are pretty high right now, due to employee shortages. I saw an ad for a front desk receptionist position that required a high school diploma, and the duties were to answer the phone, transfer phone calls, log the calls and make faxes. It paid $38,700!

Another thought: there is seasonal work that might appeal to you. Around me, I have noticed that corn mazes hire for 2-3 months, just for Friday-Sunday, in the fall. (I think selling pumpkins and chatting with customers sounds fun.) And H&R Block hires full-time and part-time seasonal receptionists January through April. You could do something like that and just pop it all in an IRA to give your retirement savings a boost.

Wishing you all the best as you consider your options! I don't think there is a right answer, just an answer that is right for you.

Edited April 1, 2022 by iamonlyone

[Selkie]

This may have been mentioned already and I missed it, but divorce is another possibility to consider when planning for future finances. Divorce can be financially devastating for a partner who is earning little or nothing, so even if you think it will never happen, it's best to have a plan in mind just in case.

[Hilltopmom]

If you’re interested in working in a school, paras don’t make great money but the hours, vacations, snow days and benefits are great and here include the state retirement system.

No need for a college degree- you’ve got decent experience homeschooling 🙂

[Anne]

One thing which may have already been mentioned is health insurance for you.  My dh is also older than I am, and he is retired.  We have to buy an individual health insurance policy for me until I am eligible for Medicare at 65.  This is not cheap!!  

Anne

(Anne WITH an e) 😄

Edited April 1, 2022 by Anne

[stephanier.1765]

I made that choice as well. I do have health reasons that also factored into my reasoning. If I had to work, I could but I would be miserable and in pain but other people do that every day so if I had to suck it up, I could. I'm glad I don't have to though. It also leaves me free to visit my child and his family for extended periods of time in NH. A lot of people don't respect that decision, my parents included, but it's our life and this is how we choose to live it.

[Faith-manor]

2 hours ago, Anne said:

One thing which may have already been mentioned is health insurance for you.  My dh is also older than I am, and he is retired.  We have to buy an individual health insurance policy for me until I am eligible for Medicare at 65.  This is not cheap!!  

Anne

(Anne WITH an e) 😄

We will have to do the same. Dh is four years older than I.

[Resilient]

You don't have to decide that now.  You might need some "de-schooling" (the adult version) for awhile.  Let things develop based on making sure you are financially OK, and then finding out who you are now, not who you thought you would be by now...or SHOULD be by now.  

I'm in a place I did not expect to be after "retiring" and I am happy with the situation. Just do the next thing, and then when you are doing that thing, you will find out where you are wanted and needed and where that matches with who you are and what brings you joy.  That's where you belong.  

All the best!

[KungFuPanda]

I’ve been back in the workforce for less than a year. My youngest graduated homeschooling/high school at the beginning of the pandemic. I only work part time, but even with a job I have MUCH more free time to to everything than I ever did raising kids or homeschooling. I garden, cook, see my friends . . . the job fits right in. What pushed me over the edge was seeing how much time I spent on my phone during the pandemic. Yep . . . I had PLENTY of time for a job. 🤣 I think it’s healthy to go out of your comfort zone with new experiences that aren’t all about your family. 

[BusyMom5]

I never plan to do a regular job either.  If I get a job it will be to get me out of the house- I enjoy arranging flowers or working at the library.  I do hope to volunteer a bit more.  Otherwise I will just be a stay at home spouse.  I feel things like helping with grandkids, aging parents, side gigs, helping friends go to Dr visits- those are all fulfilling things.  They may not pay money, but they have value.  

[teachermom2834]

I posted upthread that I don’t plan to work but you know what job I really want? I want to find a family that needs an auntie. I want to sit in the car line and play on my phone. I want to pick up a kid(s) and ask them about their day and take them to karate and read a book while I wait for them. Then I want to take them home to their parents. I could even show up to serve volunteer shifts at school or activities or run the kids the gym shoes they forgot or check them out and take them to the dentist. Basically I could do all the things I’ve done all this time. But I could get paid for it. And when little Johnny gets in trouble at recess or fails a test or little Suzy gets in a fight with the girls in her class- the REAL parents get called to deal with that stuff! 
 

 

[73349]

16 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I posted upthread that I don’t plan to work but you know what job I really want? I want to find a family that needs an auntie. I want to sit in the car line and play on my phone. I want to pick up a kid(s) and ask them about their day and take them to karate and read a book while I wait for them. Then I want to take them home to their parents. I could even show up to serve volunteer shifts at school or activities or run the kids the gym shoes they forgot or check them out and take them to the dentist. Basically I could do all the things I’ve done all this time. But I could get paid for it. And when little Johnny gets in trouble at recess or fails a test or little Suzy gets in a fight with the girls in her class- the REAL parents get called to deal with that stuff!

There are people looking for that. https://www.care.com/enroll-care-seeker-p1042-q111082615.html

[JustEm]

30 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I posted upthread that I don’t plan to work but you know what job I really want? I want to find a family that needs an auntie. I want to sit in the car line and play on my phone. I want to pick up a kid(s) and ask them about their day and take them to karate and read a book while I wait for them. Then I want to take them home to their parents. I could even show up to serve volunteer shifts at school or activities or run the kids the gym shoes they forgot or check them out and take them to the dentist. Basically I could do all the things I’ve done all this time. But I could get paid for it. And when little Johnny gets in trouble at recess or fails a test or little Suzy gets in a fight with the girls in her class- the REAL parents get called to deal with that stuff! 
 

 

I did this the year before I had my first child for a single mom who was a professor at the local University. It was a great job. I also did non kid specific things for her like shop for car insurance, but her dog medicine online, and organize her emails. 

I would absolutely do that job again for the right family

[Spryte]

26 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I did this the year before I had my first child for a single mom who was a professor at the local University. It was a great job. I also did non kid specific things for her like shop for car insurance, but her dog medicine online, and organize her emails. 

I would absolutely do that job again for the right family

I did that, too! 

Nannied my way through school. Fond memories.

[Laurel-in-CA]

I went back to work p/t @ age 63 -- mostly due to dh's layoff and the pandemic. But now that he's employed again, my $$ are going to fix all the stuff on our house that we couldn't afford to do for years. In a way, that's a contribution to retirement, since the house is part of the eventual  nestegg. The plan is to relocate and buy something with the equity so we're also working on paying down the mortgage. It's really been a blessing as the windows had to be done and the carpet is worn out and this month we found out rats had gotten at the ductwork, which required an exterminator AND new ducts. None of that was in the budget before. Besides which we are so NOT empty nesters as 3 out of the 4 young adults are living with us. Not what we expected, but a joy.

[kiwik]

I work pretty much full time and homeschool but I don't have a husband.  Quite frankly the idea of ever being dependent financially on someone else terrrifies me.  I hope it won't happen but many, many marriages break down when the children leave home.  Do you have a plan for if that happens or he is killed and you are alone without a job?  Or even like Laura if he loses his job or cannot longer work,

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, kiwik said:

I work pretty much full time and homeschool but I don't have a husband.  Quite frankly the idea of ever being dependent financially on someone else terrrifies me.  I hope it won't happen but many, many marriages break down when the children leave home.  Do you have a plan for if that happens or he is killed and you are alone without a job?  Or even like Laura if he loses his job or cannot longer work,

We are all dependent upon someone. A spouse, a job, the government etc.  we have to all make good decisions, plan the best we can and not worry ourselves sick with all the what ifs.  

[madteaparty]

1 hour ago, kiwik said:

I work pretty much full time and homeschool but I don't have a husband.  Quite frankly the idea of ever being dependent financially on someone else terrrifies me.  I hope it won't happen but many, many marriages break down when the children leave home.  Do you have a plan for if that happens or he is killed and you are alone without a job?  Or even like Laura if he loses his job or cannot longer work,

Actually strictly speaking I’m better off earning zero if we break up rather than showing some sort of ability to support myself. 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Actually strictly speaking I’m better off earning zero if we break up rather than showing some sort of ability to support myself. 

Yep.  That is the way it worked for me when I was coming out of a LTM

[MercyA]

Ann, if you can "retire," I think your plan sounds lovely. I was married for over a decade before I had my DD, and I only worked part-time the first couple years. I always had and have plenty to keep me busy. I have no desire to go back to work.

I know not everyone can manage financially without both partners working, but if you can do it and you want to do it, you shouldn't feel guilty! It is a very valid choice.

[Catwoman]

24 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Ann, if you can "retire," I think your plan sounds lovely. I was married for over a decade before I had my DD, and I only worked part-time the first couple years. I always had and have plenty to keep me busy. I have no desire to go back to work.

I know not everyone can manage financially without both partners working, but if you can do it and you want to do it, you shouldn't feel guilty! It is a very valid choice.

I agree completely! 🙂 

[Carrie12345]

5 hours ago, kiwik said:

I hope it won't happen but many, many marriages break down when the children leave home.  Do you have a plan for if that happens or he is killed and you are alone without a job?

Life insurance, either way.
I kid, I kid!!!!!! 🤣

But I do have back up plans for many of life’s possibilities.

[Kalmia]

Understanding your long term financial situation and having life insurance are important, and setting up health insurance adequately is important. But also important is doing what you love and what is beneficial to your family now, not just in the ten years before you die. It sounds like you have homesteading skills which will enable you to produce food and other things needed for the home and garden. There are also many things that can be produced for sale on the homestead or garden farm which could bring in income and would be much more flexible, health-promoting, and creative than working at a retail or similar job. You just have to be realistic about the numbers AND do what is best for you. For some that would be gardening, canning, knitting, and producing items for sale from home, others might be more satisfied with working for a non-profit that does something they believe in or something like substitute teaching which is intellectually stimulating but also flexible. 

There is an interesting book worth reading that argues that healthy people and communities come from having some vital members (male and female) that like to stay at home and invest their energies producing for their family and their community instead of trading their time for corporate money to buy many of the items they would be happy to produce. 

https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Homemakers-Reclaiming-Domesticity-Consumer/dp/0979439116/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3J21X4X4M94L4&keywords=radical+homemakers+by+shannon+hayes&qid=1648993478&sprefix=radical+homemakers%2Caps%2C122&sr=8-1

Edited April 3, 2022 by Kalmia

[Faith-manor]

9 hours ago, madteaparty said:

Actually strictly speaking I’m better off earning zero if we break up rather than showing some sort of ability to support myself. 

Here, the judges have zero patience for it and do not award any kind of alimony, and it is very hard to get Medicaid once the ex drops you from his medical insurance. I have seen many a stay at home wife with no minor children left at home end up homeless after the divorce until the family home was sold and the proceeds split, and even then if she never worked, judges and mediators do not always split that 50/50 because the legal lanfuage is "fair and equitable" which is seen as, "She didn't contribute financially so why should she get 50% of the proceeds of this major investment?". They have a LOT of leeway on this. 

It really does vary from state to state.

According to this study, women's chances of being plunged into poverty rise from 7% as a married woman, to 45% as a divorced woman while men's chances do not increase. Even several years out from the divorce, women's chances of becoming poverty stricken unless she remarries is still 25% while his chances again remain static regardless of his marital status.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

 

 

 

[BlsdMama]

 

On 3/31/2022 at 11:41 PM, Carol in Cal. said:

That is totally legit!

Also, you should be able to get SS on your husband’s record.  Unless you work for a long time, you might not be able to top what you would get that way anyway.  I’d run the numbers, myself, if that’s why you’re considering this.  

Just make sure that if something happens to him you are still OK financially.

So, one consideration, you're only allowed to collect on hubby's if one of two things - he's dead or you're retirement age.

If you become disabled before retirement, you will not receive social security / disability.  I will tell you that is a surprising blow because you are rendered ineffective, need someone to do your duties and/or care for you, but ineligible for social security/disability.

I can't decide if I wish I had worked the past few years? But how do you do that? Some part of work credits must be recent (in past five years) but how do you constantly keep them recent without working constantly? It's an interesting way in which you are "forced" to keep working. 

While you may not be able to bring in your husband's wage, I wonder if it wouldn't be more than you think.  More so because you could invest it all.  However, again, I'm not sure I'd be willing to put 40 hours a week into something I don't find engaging.

[Faith-manor]

44 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

 

So, one consideration, you're only allowed to collect on hubby's if one of two things - he's dead or you're retirement age.

If you become disabled before retirement, you will not receive social security / disability.  I will tell you that is a surprising blow because you are rendered ineffective, need someone to do your duties and/or care for you, but ineligible for social security/disability.

I can't decide if I wish I had worked the past few years? But how do you do that? Some part of work credits must be recent (in past five years) but how do you constantly keep them recent without working constantly? It's an interesting way in which you are "forced" to keep working. 

While you may not be able to bring in your husband's wage, I wonder if it wouldn't be more than you think.  More so because you could invest it all.  However, again, I'm not sure I'd be willing to put 40 hours a week into something I don't find engaging.

I am so sorry, Kelly. The system sucks. But I think it was designed that way just to further devalue women for whom nearly all the care giving and domestic work in this country falls upon.

It is a huge problem!

[katilac]

On 3/31/2022 at 10:45 PM, Ann.without.an.e said:

I know this is a little against the norm but I have no real career path, no education, and I'd be trading in too much to go work full time in retail for a low wage  

I think staying home is certainly a valid choice, although I'd personally really want to be comfortable with the retirement numbers before making that decision. 

But I also wanted to speak to the fact that you seem to think  your only choices are going back to school or grinding in retail. Not so! I know a good number of people who have gone back to work in their 40s and 50s and eventually wound up with pretty good jobs. I'm not saying it's easy, and it definitely takes time, but it can be done without stepping foot into retail. Once you get that first job, and get even just six months official employment on your resume, you will get a lot more call backs when you apply other places. 

Take some time. Explore things. Look at job postings on the regular - you'll get a feel for what entry-level looks like around you, and you might spot the perfect thing. There was one amusing ad for a front office person, basically "Look, it doesn't pay much, but you also don't have to do much. You have to do X, Y, and Z, and then the rest of the time we mostly need someone manning the front desk for the very few people that walk in." Not gonna lie, it was pretty tempting! 

It took me a solid 2 years from youngest graduating high school to reach a comfortable mix of employment and freelancing, a solid 3 years from when I started planning in earnest. I tried several things in that time, from assisting in a Montessori school to a brief stint in a lawyer's office (there are no words for how much I hated that). It's okay if the first thing doesn't work out . . . or the second, or the third, lol! I had been out of the game for so long that I really wanted to try different things. 

It's very nice having the money, but it's also good in other ways. I enjoy being part of a team again after having freelanced for so long (my  freelance work did diddly-squat for my job search, by the way; I only gained traction once I had recent employment to list). I like using my skills and having outside achievements. I have daughters, and I wanted them to see that staying home doesn't have to be a one-way street. They are my motivation when I wonder if I really have to work, lol. 

I would lean towards spending at least a few years working, myself. You can always quit, but it will be that much the harder to start in a few years. 

Edited April 3, 2022 by katilac

[katilac]

17 hours ago, madteaparty said:

Actually strictly speaking I’m better off earning zero if we break up rather than showing some sort of ability to support myself. 

In the short term, perhaps, but it's brutally difficult to claw your way out of poverty without marketable skills. 

[Lilaclady]

On 4/1/2022 at 6:23 PM, teachermom2834 said:

I posted upthread that I don’t plan to work but you know what job I really want? I want to find a family that needs an auntie. I want to sit in the car line and play on my phone. I want to pick up a kid(s) and ask them about their day and take them to karate and read a book while I wait for them. Then I want to take them home to their parents. I could even show up to serve volunteer shifts at school or activities or run the kids the gym shoes they forgot or check them out and take them to the dentist. Basically I could do all the things I’ve done all this time. But I could get paid for it. And when little Johnny gets in trouble at recess or fails a test or little Suzy gets in a fight with the girls in her class- the REAL parents get called to deal with that stuff! 
 

 

Wow- some one just posted on our local next door that she needed someone for something like this. If you have nextdoor and live in a suburb, you may just get your wish. 
someone else wanted a person to pickup and drop off her mom’s caregiver 4 days a week 10-15 mins trip. I thought about it but the times don’t work for me. 

[Lilaclady]

I think now there are lots of work from hole (home sweet home lol 😂) positions that you can look into. Some are part time and don’t require much-  some will even send you a computer if you need one. 
Some require fixed hours like 9-12, 1-4 etc but some are flexible. Most do not require any degrees. The pay is not much but if you factor in that you are not commuting and don’t have to buy clothes, it comes out a wash.  Most are Customer service  type jobs but there are others just depending on what you want to do. So many are online- just do Your research and make sure they are legit. They will not ask you to pay before getting the job. 

Edited April 4, 2022 by Lilaclady

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, Lilaclady said:

I think now there are lots of work from hole positions that you can look into. Some are part time and don’t require much-  some will even send you a computer if you need one. 
Some require fixed hours like 9-12, 1-4 etc but some are flexible. Most do not require any degrees. The pay is not much but if you factor in that you are not commuting and don’t have to buy clothes, it comes out a wash.  Most are Customer service  type jobs but there are others just depending on what you want to do. So many are online- just do Your research and make sure they are legit. They will not ask you to pay before getting the job. 

True there are  a lot out there.  I have been watching this woman's youtube channel and she posts a new job almost everyday.

Delilah Bell - YouTube

[KungFuPanda]

I think we all gave a little too much weight to "don't have to buy clothes' argument back when we were making our pro-con lists for SAH vs Work or making the same decisions at the other end of child-rearing.  I just started dabbling in part time work.  I'm on my second job since June,  and I haven't had to buy clothes. 

My short term goal was to make what I would in a classroom without actually having to teach.  My first attempt was running a shoppe for the designer, curating her adjacent museum display, and serving as her midwestern sales rep.  I just showed up at work in a t-shirt and leggings and draped myself in merchandise.  They liked me, and I ended at a convenient stopping point for everyone, but sales do not interest me AT ALL.  

Next, I made the leap to admin at a landscaping company.  (Nobody there cares what I wear.  I'm the only woman.  They don't seem to notice clothing at all.) It really IS easier to get a better job when you already have a job.  Right now is also a good time to play musical chairs and find a good fit.  Lots of businesses are looking for help.  I'm still not making much, but it pays as well as teaching (minus the benefits) and I only work two days a week.

My next move is dabbling in "computer stuff."  I'm dabbling in learning to code.  If this works out, I may be able to reach my ultimate goal of making a living wage in my pajamas!

My long, rambling point is not to think too much about the wardrobe.  Yes, some people need decent work clothes, but do they ever render a job pointless? My second point is that you can try something new and NOT commit to it forever.  Bounce around, dabble, make new connections, find what you really like.  I've learned that work is easier than home and I've met some awesome people.  Sometimes I go in and help my old boss when she's launching a new product line.  My life is richer for knowing her.

My third rambly point is that I've done the gardening and canning thing.  It takes a LOT fewer hours at work to buy those things than it does to plant and process them.  I still love gardening and spend a lot of time on it, but I can't get the work hours=food math to pan out in favor of staying home.  

That said, I think the op should do what she really wants to do.  Raising kids is hard and it's OK if she's not leaning into intense work every second of her life.  Take some time and space to relax and enjoy doing what you want around the house.  Your financial future won't crumble because you took a sabbatical and enjoyed yourself for a stretch.

[Carrie12345]

8 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think we all gave a little too much weight to "don't have to buy clothes' argument back when we were making our pro-con lists for SAH vs Work or making the same decisions at the other end of child-rearing.  I just started dabbling in part time work.  I'm on my second job since June,  and I haven't had to buy clothes.

Much is going to depend on the work environment and previous… “style”.
My sister’s recent plunge back into the workplace definitely required clothes. She’s very fortunate to live in an area with amazing second hand stores, though that was still quite a bite for a single mom before seeing a paycheck. But an A+ option, anyway.  Hair dye was also involved, lol.

Of course that won’t be the case for every person.

[Ausmumof3]

12 hours ago, Lilaclady said:

I think now there are lots of work from hole positions that you can look into. Some are part time and don’t require much-  some will even send you a computer if you need one. 
Some require fixed hours like 9-12, 1-4 etc but some are flexible. Most do not require any degrees. The pay is not much but if you factor in that you are not commuting and don’t have to buy clothes, it comes out a wash.  Most are Customer service  type jobs but there are others just depending on what you want to do. So many are online- just do Your research and make sure they are legit. They will not ask you to pay before getting the job. 

Lol… I’m pretty sure work from hole is an autocorrect but I like it. One of my jobs could be done from a hole I guess provided said hole had power and internet access.

[Laura Corin]

Something to consider for both men and women is the social aspect of bereavement or divorce if one is not working outside the home. My husband has not created friendships locally and isn't involved in volunteering, etc. He is busy supporting me and the household, and helping the fledgling kids with their lives. If I were to die, I think he would be quite lost as the children become less dependent. 

I watched my mother, who had just enough alimony to live on extremely frugally and who did not go back to work outside the home, stew for decades in resentment over the divorce.  She would have been better out in the world.

[Jenny in Florida]

18 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

My second point is that you can try something new and NOT commit to it forever.  Bounce around, dabble, make new connections, find what you really like.  I've learned that work is easier than home and I've met some awesome people. 

Ditto to all of the above. 

I mean, obviously, everyone should feel free to do what works for them and their families and to feel good about those choices. However, just in case it helps balance the discussion, I offer this quick review of my own experience:

I'm about seven years out from homeschooling obsolescence and am three years into a full-time, professional-type job that fits my skill set and earns a decent salary. (The job was actually created for me.) However, I started off doing freelance transcription at home for less than minimum wage, then added online tutoring/study help that also worked out to less than minimum wage once you took the "waiting" hours into account. I parlayed those -- which were at least current employment -- into an in-person, part-time tutoring job at one of those strip mall study skills centers. From there, I leapt to a "technology trainer" position at the local library, still part-time but at least with stable hours and some minimal benefits. After a couple of years, I transitioned to full-time and started stretching the boundaries of the job description to do some projects that looked good on my resume. A year or so later, I left the library for a job that paid a lot more and sounded really promising but turned out to be a terrible fit for me. Only after that did I wind up with my current employer. In slightly less than three years, I've been promoted twice and finally feel like I'm in a good place, professionally. 

And, yes, along the way I made some contacts and also some good friends.

In terms of clothes, most of my workplaces have been pretty casual. Neither the tutoring center nor the library allowed "jeans" (although nobody noticed or complained as long as the denim was black instead of blue), leggings or t-shirts with slogans on them. So, there was some small investment when I first went back to work, but it was really minimal. And nowadays I work from home 98% of the time and spend most of my life in leggings, shorts or sweatpants depending on the weather along with whatever t-shirt I want.

[Jenny in Florida]

10 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

Hair dye was also involved, lol.

Hair dye has been involved for me, too, but mine is purple.

[Ausmumof3]

On 4/3/2022 at 9:25 AM, Laurel-in-CA said:

I went back to work p/t @ age 63 -- mostly due to dh's layoff and the pandemic. But now that he's employed again, my $$ are going to fix all the stuff on our house that we couldn't afford to do for years. In a way, that's a contribution to retirement, since the house is part of the eventual  nestegg. The plan is to relocate and buy something with the equity so we're also working on paying down the mortgage. It's really been a blessing as the windows had to be done and the carpet is worn out and this month we found out rats had gotten at the ductwork, which required an exterminator AND new ducts. None of that was in the budget before. Besides which we are so NOT empty nesters as 3 out of the 4 young adults are living with us. Not what we expected, but a joy.

This is a real thing! Our house needs a major overhaul and income has always been too tight. Even with me working part time now there’s not much to do that. We’ve done cheaper stuff like painting but kitchens and bathrooms really need doing and floors all need replacing.

Edited April 4, 2022 by Ausmumof3

[Frances]

On 4/3/2022 at 5:43 PM, KungFuPanda said:

I think we all gave a little too much weight to "don't have to buy clothes' argument back when we were making our pro-con lists for SAH vs Work or making the same decisions at the other end of child-rearing.  I just started dabbling in part time work.  I'm on my second job since June,  and I haven't had to buy clothes. 

My short term goal was to make what I would in a classroom without actually having to teach.  My first attempt was running a shoppe for the designer, curating her adjacent museum display, and serving as her midwestern sales rep.  I just showed up at work in a t-shirt and leggings and draped myself in merchandise.  They liked me, and I ended at a convenient stopping point for everyone, but sales do not interest me AT ALL.  

Next, I made the leap to admin at a landscaping company.  (Nobody there cares what I wear.  I'm the only woman.  They don't seem to notice clothing at all.) It really IS easier to get a better job when you already have a job.  Right now is also a good time to play musical chairs and find a good fit.  Lots of businesses are looking for help.  I'm still not making much, but it pays as well as teaching (minus the benefits) and I only work two days a week.

My next move is dabbling in "computer stuff."  I'm dabbling in learning to code.  If this works out, I may be able to reach my ultimate goal of making a living wage in my pajamas!

My long, rambling point is not to think too much about the wardrobe.  Yes, some people need decent work clothes, but do they ever render a job pointless? My second point is that you can try something new and NOT commit to it forever.  Bounce around, dabble, make new connections, find what you really like.  I've learned that work is easier than home and I've met some awesome people.  Sometimes I go in and help my old boss when she's launching a new product line.  My life is richer for knowing her.

My third rambly point is that I've done the gardening and canning thing.  It takes a LOT fewer hours at work to buy those things than it does to plant and process them.  I still love gardening and spend a lot of time on it, but I can't get the work hours=food math to pan out in favor of staying home.  

That said, I think the op should do what she really wants to do.  Raising kids is hard and it's OK if she's not leaning into intense work every second of her life.  Take some time and space to relax and enjoy doing what you want around the house.  Your financial future won't crumble because you took a sabbatical and enjoyed yourself for a stretch.

Agree. None of my well compensated professional jobs have required me to wear anything special. I just wear my normal clothes to work. Pre-pandemic, I almost always took all food to work and my husband still does, we rarely purchase food while at work. Not just because it saves money, which it does, but because it is generally healthier. Both of us can walk to work, so also no commuting expenses. And I have coworkers who live to far away to walk, but they ride their bike or get free bus passes. When I went back to work after time at home, it really didn’t create any additional expenses.

Edited April 6, 2022 by Frances

[KungFuPanda]

12 hours ago, Frances said:

Agree. None of my well compensated professional jobs have required me to wear anything special. I just wear my normal clothes to work. Pre-pandemic, I almost always took all food to work and my husband still does, we rarely purchase food while at work. Not just because it saves money, which it does, but because it is generally healthier. Both of us can walk to work, so also no commuting expenses. And I have coworkers who live to far away to walk, but they ride their bike or get free bus passes. Hen I went back to work after time at home, it really didn’t create any additional expenses.

I take my Lunch Crock to work and "Plug in lunch" is on my morning checklist. Most days I have the office to myself, so I eat there while watching youtube videos, or if it's nice I go eat out in the plant nursery. I've never bought lunch there and I have freezer meals stashed for dinner for the days I work.  Dh works from home, so he put's stuff in the oven and it's ready when I get there.  It's more organized than the days I'm home.  

[Home'scool]

I planned on "retiring" after homeschooling my daughters, but then divorce screwed up that plan!

I get a decent amount in alimony (not fair by any means, but decent) and I have a decent amount in my 401K . Probably more than the average person. But it was a shock to go to the financial investor and hear him say I should only pull out 4% a year from my 401K once I reach 65. That will be a pittance!

I currently work full time and have fantasized about retiring. I would save on wear and tear on my car (it has 150,000 miles on it and I commute 45 minutes each way), I would not have to buy work clothes, I would not have to pay for so much gas, etc. I live with my sister so that helps with expenses.

But what stops me is:

• When my financial consultant told me "I don't want to have to tell you that you need to go back to work when you are 70" -- that really scared me.
• I would have to pay so much more for health insurance on my own
• At this job, if I can hang in there for 3 more years, I will get a pension
• I will also get government health insurance when I retire, which is supposed to be cheaper.

I love the idea of retiring and enjoying my later years, but so many things that are non-emergencies still pop-up. The house needs to be painted, a window needs to be replaced, etc. It is nice to have the money to do those things without too much stress.

I have been very poor, and I have been well-off and then back to poor again. Being able to sleep at night without financial worries is priceless.

[regentrude]

14 hours ago, Frances said:

Agree. None of my well compensated professional jobs have required me to wear anything special. I just wear my normal clothes to work. Pre-pandemic, I almost always took all food to work and my husband still does, we rarely purchase food while at work. Not just because it saves money, which it does, but because it is generally healthier. Both of us can walk to work, so also no commuting expenses. 

That's one of the advantages of working in academia: I wear normal clothes. Now that I am old enough that the students recognize I am the professor and not the grad student TA, I don't have to dress up anymore, lol. I am at the office around 7:30am, teach my classes, and then I go home to cook  lunch. DH comes home to eat, takes him 12 minutes by bicycle, and then we either both go back to campus or I work from home. 

Edited April 5, 2022 by regentrude

[Create Your Ritual]

A topic I've struggled with as well. It's interesting what society tells us, and what we tell ourselves, about the value of our time and what is a "good" use of it. My 20 year old self certainly wanted to change the world, but my 48 year old self is more aligned with changing my little corner of it. 

Now that our older dd & ds are off to university and we're down to 14yr ds at home. I've noticed a huge improvement in my energy levels. I was operating on stressed out, busy mom mode for years. 😉 And while I loved SO MANY aspects of raising kids on a 5th generation working farm & cattle ranch, it's also been nice switching gears and carving out more time for myself when things are slower. 

Although it's been a huge process of letting go of the kids as they grow up (which still generates its own stress), it's forced me to fill that time up with other things, and I am blessed to have the luxury of choosing those things. Some days I'd love to 'do more' or 'be more', but honestly by the time I exercise, walk the dogs, school ds for a few subjects, and write a bit in my novel ... it's already past noon and time to start thinking about dinner prep. Heck, I spent an hour just writing this! 😄 

And I'm not even going to talk about all the hormonal changes going on these days! All that said, the holistic nutritionist in me knows now is MY time, so I'm to make good use of it and set all those rituals in place that generate daily health and well being. I can't do that if I give all my time away, and I certainly can't do it if I feel guilty about what I'm not accomplishing. 

During the summer we're still in full farming mode, grow a large family garden, raise our own cattle & chickens for food, have a small greenhouse for winter months, and several DIY indoor hydroponic towers that grow organic lettuce for year round use (Can you tell I like food!). In between all the busy we enjoy the warm weather - kayak, swim, hike, etc. So honestly, I'm just really looking forward to living my days to the fullest in the coming years - traveling, gardening, cooking, knitting, going on hikes, and finishing that novel I've been writing for years. And most of all just being OK with all of it! 😉

Edited April 6, 2022 by Create Your Ritual