Is always arriving early a sign of anxiety?

[GracieJane]

I am early to everything and I always have been. I noticed recently that the same three people are early to drop-off and pick-up for child events, too. Arriving very early appears to be a fixed character trait for a small number of the population.

I thought this was cultural (I wasn’t raised in the US). But then I read that it is a symptom of anxiety. Is this true?

 

[MEmama]

I’m an early to arrive person too. I definitely have some anxieties but no, I don’t see that they are linked in any way. I just like to be prepared and I consider it rude to make people wait. 
 

My very good friend, OTOH, considers being early to be a waste of time (her words). She is chronically late everywhere. 🤣

[Shoeless]

Not necessarily. I know 2 people that have some anxiety and prefer to be early. But I also know someone that has no anxiety and likes to be early.  I also know people with anxiety who are chronically late for everything.

[Ailaena]

When I was growing up, my parents were - no exaggeration - 30 minutes early everywhere.   It drove me batty.

Nowadays, however, I try to be 5-10 minutes early and we are almost always the first ones there, regardless of the situation.  Yes, I have anxiety, but it’s more like I want to give ds time to hit the loo and get prepared before class (or whatever) starts whereas other people don’t even want to hit the parking lot until class time.  

[fraidycat]

It can be, but is not necessarily.

[Katy]

I’ve seen that shared recently too.  I think it can be a sign of being anxious to please others if it’s a pattern of doing the same sort of thing in dozens of other ways.  But more often it’s likely a sign of being organized and considerate.

[KSera]

I try to be a little (slightly) early, but for me it's because it seems rude to be late. I have several family members of the late to everything variety though, so I don't usually get to be early if the whole family is going. For me it's not an anxiety thing. I just feel like it's the appropriate/thoughtful thing to do, so I try to do it if I can manage.

[mom2scouts]

Possibly. I have anxiety and I'm always early for everything. Being late really stresses me out and it was a source of conflict early in our marriage since dh was always late. My mom, who also has anxiety, always taught me that I should go early to prepare for the unexpected (traffic, getting lost). I do think there are often advantages to being early if I have time to go to the restroom, prepare materials, find parking, or talk to friends

[regentrude]

Depends how early and for what occasion.

I do have anxiety about air travel, and I am very early at the airport - because consequences of being late are pretty bad, and resolving the problems is completely outside my control.
OTOH, for anything else like classes, choir practice, meetings etc, I am a little early because I consider it polite; events should be able to start precisely on time. I have absolutely no anxiety surrounding those things.
 

Edited December 16, 2021 by regentrude

[Arcadia]

For me it is (1) cultural as in it is bad manners to be late unless you are the matriarch or patriarch, (2) high frequency of traffic jams dictate that we are usually early or risk being late to events. 
My husband tends to be late. However some SAT, ACT and AP test centers will not tolerate late comers and so test takers would have to miss the test if they are not there by the time stipulated.  So my kids would make sure my husband leave our home early to drive them to the test center with time to spare.

[KungFuPanda]

I think I’m hitting fatigue for the concept that every little thing you do is a symptom. If the party makes me tired and I need me-time I’m introverted. If I’m early I have anxiety. If I’m late I have ADD.  Only ______ people understand ______. And the second blank is filled with really common stuff. I feel a little bombarded lately with normal behaviors being called symptoms. Today’s was something like “that neuro divergent urge to get overwhelmed at the thought of having to feed yourself three times a day for the rest of your life.” Do people exist who never feel weary thinking about how many meals you have to produce in a lifetime? If those people exist, are they the ones doing most of the work?

[73349]

If it isn't absurdly early, it can be a sign of being pretty good at estimating how long it takes to get somewhere and preferring to do so without needing to worry about being late. How early that is depends on stuff like how far it is and how variable the travel time is.

[Xahm]

I grew up in a family that was always aiming to be half an hour early so that we would never, ever be late. This meant we'd occasionally be a whole hour early places, which was really a huge time suck. My husband came from a family that was pretty much always late, particularly to social events. When we have birthday parties, one set of grandparents often arrives at least an hour before the other. We've made our peace with this.

We avoid going places that will have horrendous traffic, when possible. For example, we chose a church near to us so that even if traffic is awful, we can be there in 15 minutes. We aim to be 5-10 minutes early, so if traffic is really unexpectedly bad, we'll be no more than 5 minutes late. Of course, there are days a potty-training child derails these plans. 

I can see how anxiety could manifest as needing to always be early, but I don't think that's typically the case. It could also manifest as tending to be late, for that matter.

[Catwoman]

I had a friend who never wanted to be early, because she was very anxious about being the first to arrive at parties and having to make small talk with the hosts and feeling like she had to chit-chat with other guests as they arrived. She preferred to be late, so she could blend into the crowd more easily.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am early because I am prepared. It often saves me when I hit unexpected traffic etc. but sometimes it just means that I am early. No psychoanalysis required. 

[Shoeless]

26 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think I’m hitting fatigue for the concept that every little thing you do is a symptom. If the party makes me tired and I need me-time I’m introverted. If I’m early I have anxiety. If I’m late I have ADD.  Only ______ people understand ______. And the second blank is filled with really common stuff. I feel a little bombarded lately with normal behaviors being called symptoms. Today’s was something like “that neuro divergent urge to get overwhelmed at the thought of having to feed yourself three times a day for the rest of your life.” Do people exist who never feel weary thinking about how many meals you have to produce in a lifetime? If those people exist, are they the ones doing most of the work?

I feel like there are a lot of people who aren't getting their needs met and don't know how to ask for what they need.  They settle in to niche groups where they vent about their self-diagnosis or virtual oppression because it's the only path they see to being validated. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

4 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

I feel like there are a lot of people who aren't getting their needs met and don't know how to ask for what they need.  They settle in to niche groups where they vent about their self-diagnosis or virtual oppression because it's the only path they see to being validated. 

That sounds like a symptom!  

[Murphy101]

I don’t think it’s a sign of anxiety per se so much as a personal dislike of being late or feeling rushed.  I think it’s rude and I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want my kid to miss out bc of my scheduling.

I know most people think nothing of being 15-20 minutes late to just everything. Those people give me anxiety. 

[DreamerGirl]

No, instead I find someone being late a symptom of being rude and selfish. Chronically late especially is rude in the day of alarms. We all have emergencies and mishaps, so I am not talking about that. But someone chronically late is a person I cannot socialize with. 

I value my time and also the time of others. I plan on being early. Late can have consequences especially during flying. International flights require you to be in the airport 3 hours early. We would lug children, luggage and it was always a pain but we always did it because there was always something or the other that would go wrong. 

I'd rather be considered anxious and people pleasing if I am early by others and thereby value other people's time and mine. In this case, it is ok.

[Carrie12345]

It doesn’t have to be.

If I’m going to a new place, my anxiety will make me extra early in case I struggle with directions or parking. I’m always worried about the parking situation.

But mostly I’m early because being late sucks.

I refuse to believe that there are people who are always *right* on time, on the dot. 

[Tanaqui]

Do you feel like you generally suffer anxiety? Because if this is your ONLY thing, then no, it's probably not a sign of anxiety for you.

Quote

No, instead I find someone being late a symptom of being rude and selfish. Chronically late especially is rude in the day of alarms.

There are many reasons for somebody to have trouble with time management. Alarms do not help if you are unable to accurately judge how long it will take to get from here to there, or how long it will take to get ready before you have to leave. And if you have the sort of poor executive function that manifests as poor time management then it's very likely that you're unable to reliably respond to alarms in any sort of useful way in the first place.

(And yes, it's possible for somebody who is unable to reliably make it on time to visit with a friend to be able to get to work on time, by spending their "spoons" on the things they need to do to survive.)

[TarynB]

I was taught "early is on-time, on-time is late, and late is unacceptable". Agree with PP's, being late, especially chronically late, is rude.

[Guest]

Probably not *always* an anxiety trait, but it can be because it points to a few things that are often true in people with anxiety:

a) need for certainty (like building in a lot more time buffer than necessary so you can be certain to arrive on time);

b) need to be above reproach (don’t want to be “that relative” who is constantly late)

c) need to be culturally “correct” (“I’m a good person because I am never late.”) 

My mother was an excessively early arriver and I was too for a decade or two. In the pair of us it definitely had to do with those three things above. However, I learned around ten years ago that it is *actually much ruder* to arrive excessively early (for social things; your chiropracteur probably couldn’t care less).
 

So for parties and dinners and such, it is really inconvenient for your host if you arrive early, unless you’re part of setting up or food preparation. Once I learned this, I could see the truth of it. It was really very annoying to me if I was hosting a dinner and my mom arrive 25 minutes early. She wanted to chit chat and I’m flurrying around trying to finish stuff. 
 

Now, I never arrive early for social stuff. I don’t arrive late, either, but if it means I have to pull off the road a few minutes away and twiddle my thumbs for ten minutes, I do that. 
 

 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Quill
Homophones!

[Ellie]

2 hours ago, GracieJane said:

I am early to everything and I always have been. I noticed recently that the same three people are early to drop-off and pick-up for child events, too. Arriving very early appears to be a fixed character trait for a small number of the population.

I thought this was cultural (I wasn’t raised in the US). But then I read that it is a symptom of anxiety. Is this true?

 

Oh good grief. Now those of us who arrive early are going to feel anxious when we didn't feel so before.

We learned that arriving early is a sign of leadership. 🙂 If nothing else, it's also a courtesy to those who are expecting you.

I always *arrive* early. I don't necessarily go in/otherwise interact with whoever or whatever I have arrived for. If I'm having dinner at a friend's house at 7, and I *arrive* at 6:40, I might wait in my car until five minutes to 7.

Sometimes I *arrive* early because I am not sure how long it will take me to get wherever I'm going, so I give myself plenty of time to get lost, and if I don't, then I'm there early.

Kudos to you for your earliness. Enjoy it. Your friends thank you for it.

[Farrar]

I agree that being chronically late doesn't respect the time of others (I'm really not a fan of the word "rude" for a huge number of reasons), but I also try to show grace and understanding that it's difficult for some people for a whole host of reasons.

I'm an early person. Sometimes I do get some pretty minor anxiety over being somewhere new, but generally speaking, I don't feel like that's the reason as I'm not an anxious person overall. Like, I'm early to class. I like to settle in before I teach and I really don't mind having a ten minute cushion - it's much better than realizing I need to set up something that isn't working or fix the chairs or whatever. 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Farrar

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I am early because I am prepared. It often saves me when I hit unexpected traffic etc. but sometimes it just means that I am early. No psychoanalysis required. 

Yes, but where's the fun in that? 😉 

[catz]

We have some anxiety here.  I don't know, could be, maybe not.  Being chronically late could also be a sign of maybe someone with social anxiety or anxiety getting out the door.  Someone chronically exactly on time could be anxious about being too early or too late.  So honestly, I think any human behavioral choice could manifest out of anxiety depending on the person involved.  Or anxiety might not be involved at all, of course.  

I am usually pretty close to on time.  I have anxiety at times and the pandemic (and possibly peri-menopause) has really kicked it up, I was in a really good place for many years prior.  But I don't personally have anxiety about my exact timing or over plan outings.   I do think people who are chronically late without explanation are rude regardless.  

My kids are theater kids so they've been taught about Lombardi time.  They actually push to be everywhere a bit early.  But to be fair, the expectation for competitive theater youth roles is you are in the building, pencil, script, dance shoes on, ready to roll before go time.  

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm from a large city in the southwestern US.  There it's considered rude to be late. On time usually means arrived and settled by the start time, so no, it's not generally a sign of anxiety. I'm not prone to anxiety at all and I'm punctual. I can see how people prone to anxiety might tend to be overly early or very scrupulous about being punctual, so different things can be happening with different members of the punctual crowd.

[HS Mom in NC]

16 minutes ago, Ellie said:

Oh good grief. Now those of us who arrive early are going to feel anxious when we didn't feel so before.

Why would that be the case?  I'm early without any history of anxiety and I won't now decide to start feeling anxious because someone asked a question about arriving early and anxiety on the internet.

[Dianthus]

I'm chronically on time, by the skin of my teeth😁 Diagnosis?

[itsheresomewhere]

56 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Do you feel like you generally suffer anxiety? Because if this is your ONLY thing, then no, it's probably not a sign of anxiety for you.

There are many reasons for somebody to have trouble with time management. Alarms do not help if you are unable to accurately judge how long it will take to get from here to there, or how long it will take to get ready before you have to leave. And if you have the sort of poor executive function that manifests as poor time management then it's very likely that you're unable to reliably respond to alarms in any sort of useful way in the first place.

(And yes, it's possible for somebody who is unable to reliably make it on time to visit with a friend to be able to get to work on time, by spending their "spoons" on the things they need to do to survive.)

This is my mother exactly.  She is always late but can manage to get to work just barely in time.  

[happi duck]

Lots of experience with anxiety here and I don't see a connection at all.

[TechWife]

 I don’t think so. Being ready to start at the planned time is respectful of others. This means most people arrive a little bit early. I used to not care about stuff like that, but I have changed. There’s almost always someone who needs to discuss something with someone that has nothing to do with the subject at hand. Arriving just a little early allows those conversations to take place without inconveniencing others or derailing the planned discussion r activity. This is true in both social and professional situations - socially it can mean making arrangements for kids to get together, to borrow the perfect sweater or to get a recommendation on a doctor. Professionally it can mean having time to address minor items/subjects in order to be ready to pay attention to the purpose of the meeting when it begins. 

[DreamerGirl]

55 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Do you feel like you generally suffer anxiety? Because if this is your ONLY thing, then no, it's probably not a sign of anxiety for you.

There are many reasons for somebody to have trouble with time management. Alarms do not help if you are unable to accurately judge how long it will take to get from here to there, or how long it will take to get ready before you have to leave. And if you have the sort of poor executive function that manifests as poor time management then it's very likely that you're unable to reliably respond to alarms in any sort of useful way in the first place.

(And yes, it's possible for somebody who is unable to reliably make it on time to visit with a friend to be able to get to work on time, by spending their "spoons" on the things they need to do to survive.)

The bolded is something new for me. 

I am talking about this, it is a cultural thing. There is even a name for it called stretchable time vs standard time.

https://www.thequint.com/neon/indian-standard-stretchable-time-punctuality#read-more

My country of origin, chronic lateness is a huge issue be it people, trains, planes, weddings, doctor's offices. It is super annoying. I am talking hours in some cases. 

I for one do not care for it and appreciate being punctual very much. 

[elegantlion]

I'm chronically early, not really do to anxiety, but I do like to arrive early if I'm in new surroundings. If it's a public place, I want to make sure I can get decent parking (my car is big), freshen up my hair, use the restroom, etc. I feel like arriving late is rude. I know we had a huge thread on that here a few years ago. It's was pretty eye-opening. 

[Arcadia]

27 minutes ago, Spirea said:

I'm chronically on time, by the skin of my teeth😁 Diagnosis?

Lucky 🤣

When I was in college, the early ones were those who reside furthest from college while the late comers we’re staying in the dorms nearest to their classrooms and lecture halls. 

[GracieJane]

I think there is another level to this being-earlyness that bears considering:  it contains the quality of “fresh snow” experience. I like the first doctor’s appointment of the day, getting to the library when it opens, going to the empty Target with no cashier lines. Is that weird? I don’t know. The funny thing is that I’ve known some parents over many years (from school activities our children share) and they are always early, too, to every event, every year. So there is something very static in it; maybe not anxiety but temperament?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Of course I don’t go up to a person’s house if I am early. I know that they are probably doing last minute preparations. The exception would be a close friend where I would chip in and help with the preparation. 
 

But gps tells me exactly what time I should arrive somewhere. If I am earlier than expected due to super light traffic or something then I will stop on the way to do an errand or just chill. Or if it’s at a venue or appointment then I just wait in a waiting room or the parking lot. 
 

I am not anxious about being early. The only time I am anxious is if I am really running late to an appointment where it can’t be easily rescheduled or accommodated. (This rarely happens but it has happened when one thing after another has gone wrong.). 

[Arcadia]

3 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

I think there is another level to this being-earlyness that bears considering:  it contains the quality of “fresh snow” experience. I like the first doctor’s appointment of the day, getting to the library when it opens, going to the empty Target with no cashier lines. Is that weird? I don’t know. 

I try to take the first medical appointment as traffic is less bad before 8am. Otherwise, I prefer crowds though my husband would whine about lack of empty parking lots. Our library and supermarket is just walking down the street so we can go when there are people without worrying about parking. 
 

I do not want to go to a store when it just opened for the day because the air-conditioned indoor air is not great. I’m the kind of person who open car doors to air the car before getting in. 

[Selkie]

I wouldn't show up early to a party, but I do arrive a few minutes ahead of time for appointments or events. I grew up with a mom who was perpetually late for everything, and it was uncomfortable and embarrassing to be the kid who always showed up late and was always picked up late. So I determined at an early age to be punctual. It's not anxiety, just being polite and conscientious.

[Pawz4me]

27 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

I think there is another level to this being-earlyness that bears considering:  it contains the quality of “fresh snow” experience. I like the first doctor’s appointment of the day, getting to the library when it opens, going to the empty Target with no cashier lines. Is that weird? I don’t know. The funny thing is that I’ve known some parents over many years (from school activities our children share) and they are always early, too, to every event, every year. So there is something very static in it; maybe not anxiety but temperament?

I prefer to shop and do errands early because I dislike crowds. I also prefer to arrive for an appointment a few minutes early. I prefer to have a few minutes to sit quietly in the car rather than rush in hurriedly. For me I don’t think either is anxiety related, but I do think there may be some minor control issues involved. 

[Corraleno]

My goal is to be punctual, but since I generally build in extra time to allow for traffic issues or trouble finding a parking spot or whatever, most of the time I end up arriving 5-10 minutes early. But the upside is that I'm almost never late — I hate when other people waste my time, so I try really hard to avoid wasting theirs. The one place I admit to being really neurotic about arriving early is the airport, but I'd much rather spend an "unnecessary" hour sitting at the gate than be running frantically through the airport, or miss the flight altogether, because there was a pile up on the freeway or a computer glitch that backed up the TSA line or whatever.

My ex has severe ADHD and was chronically late for everything — like hours late sometimes. It drove me nuts, and eventually I just started telling him we had to be somewhere up to an hour before we really did, so we'd be on time instead of an hour late. And sometimes I'd just leave without him when it was obvious he was not going to be remotely ready on time. So I've made a serious effort to explicitly teach DS (also ADHD) how to "count backwards" from the scheduled event to figure out exactly what time he needs to leave, what time he needs to be dressed by, what time he needs to be in the shower, etc. — and to build in some screw-up time for each step, because there will inevitably be a missing shoe, or an empty gas tank that needs filling, or phone is almost dead and can't find the charging cord, etc. And unlike his dad, he really does care about being on time, and is rarely late despite his ADHD.

 

[WildflowerMom]

I don't attend events because of agoraphobia.    For all of my appts, I am usually super early because of the anxiety.  

[Corraleno]

47 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

I think there is another level to this being-earlyness that bears considering:  it contains the quality of “fresh snow” experience. I like the first doctor’s appointment of the day, getting to the library when it opens, going to the empty Target with no cashier lines. Is that weird? I don’t know.

I don't think it's weird, I think it's just efficient. I always try to shop first thing in the morning, because it means I can get in and out as quickly and efficiently as possible — no circling around the parking lot looking for a space, no getting stuck behind three people who've parked their carts sideways in the middle of the aisle I need to go down, no waiting for someone else to finish choosing exactly which head of cabbage they want before I can grab mine, no waiting in line while the cashier chats away with each of the 3 or 4 people in front of me, etc. Same with getting the first doctor's appointment of the day — I hate arriving on time for an appointment only to waste 45 minutes because the doctor is running so late.

[marbel]

My father raised us with the notion that if you were not 5 minutes early, you were late. I don't know if he was emulating Vince Lombardi or not; he wasn't a sports guy.

So, I am sort of echoing Regentrude here (maybe others I missed): I do have anxiety about high-stakes things like air travel and theater tickets, so I aim to get there very early. But even in other things, I like to be early because I don't like to keep people waiting. (I also don't like to be kept waiting myself though of course I don't expect everyone to be perfectly on time all the time.) I also don't like to be rushed. I want to be able to sit in the car a minute before an appointment, have time to put my keys in my purse after hitting the lock button on the fob, etc. 

I always also add a cushion of time when traveling by car because I am not such an optimist that I don't account for the possibility of road delays. Living where I do and having to drive into Philadelphia periodically, my habit has been beneficial because there is always a delay of some sort. 

[catz]

Just now, marbel said:

My father raised us with the notion that if you were not 5 minutes early, you were late. I don't know if he was emulating Vince Lombardi or not; he wasn't a sports guy.

It's funny because my kid's do all performing arts stuff (music, voice, theater, dance, etc) and have gotten the direct Lombardi quote from a bunch of teachers, directors, etc so maybe that quote was just beaten into some generation's head for some years.  My kid's college touring highly competitive performance group (singers, dancers, live band, etc) has the quote in their handbook attributed to Lombardi.  LOL.  

[hippymamato3]

In my case, being early has always been a sign of anxiety - OCD.

[Melissa Louise]

6 hours ago, Carolina Wren said:

If it isn't absurdly early, it can be a sign of being pretty good at estimating how long it takes to get somewhere and preferring to do so without needing to worry about being late. How early that is depends on stuff like how far it is and how variable the travel time is.

This. 

I only ever travel by public transport, and if I'm a little early, it's because I'm great at estimating time needed to not run late! I always have to factor in late buses etc, so if everything runs on time, I can be a little early to things. 

The only exception is a party. Never be early to a party! 

[Tap]

I would rather be early than late. I am not an anxious person, but being late gives me anxiety LOL. I live in a biggish city with several bridges. Things like a traffic accident, diverted traffic or a bridge lift can change a 20 minute drive to a 60 minute drive and you are just stuck sitting in place with no way to change roads. Sitting in place, barely moving, is horrible as you watch time pass by. 

If I am on my side of the river, I can leave 5-10 minutes early and get to anywhere early/on time. If we have to cross the bridge, I usually plan to be at least 30 minutes early, just in case something is blocking the bridge. 

[Carrie12345]

10 hours ago, DreamerGirl said:

The bolded is something new for me. 

I am talking about this, it is a cultural thing. There is even a name for it called stretchable time vs standard time.

https://www.thequint.com/neon/indian-standard-stretchable-time-punctuality#read-more

My country of origin, chronic lateness is a huge issue be it people, trains, planes, weddings, doctor's offices. It is super annoying. I am talking hours in some cases. 

I for one do not care for it and appreciate being punctual very much. 

I’ve heard comedians from multiple backgrounds talk about the cultural differences of time, and it’s almost appealing to me. The idea of less rush-rush and more relaxed enjoyment sounds nice.

And then I wait 45 minutes past my appointment time to see a doctor after arriving 15 minutes early, as required, for paperwork, and I’m like NOPE. Clocks please. Let’s all do what we say when we say we’ll do it, thank you! 😆