I think diversity has to be taught. For me, the simplest thing is through food. We buy books of different cuisines and cook around the world as a family. Another method is going out to eat in different restaurants of various ethnicities, the hole in the wall ones. One more thing is shopping for ingredients to cook in diverse stores. Second is through media. Be it books, music, television or movies. Learning to watch through subtitles or by changing languages available to something we all understand. Reading translated books. Travel. While that is not always available or even possible you can do that through videos and books or magazines. Basically show how different people live all over the world. Being multi-lingual. Not shying away from teaching the not so pleasant parts of history. Teaching different types of sexuality. I think exposure to different ways of life makes makes children comfortable with the idea of differences while showing them that people are people.

There is 12 of us under our roof today. My parents, inlaws and BIL's family are visiting. They live in two different countries. This is something that I took for granted that would happen without any effort always. Two years have changed that thought. Yet here we are today. It is houseful and bursting with the usual chaos associated with it and noisy. But in the past 2 years when it was the 4 of us rattling around, I would hope and despair of days like these ever happening. We don't have any plans except to hang out and just do normal things Previously we would always try to always have back to back travel or something special scheduled. But this feels like an event itself. Technology is great at keeping in touching, but nothing beats just being in each other's presence. I am so very happy.

Forgiveness for me is two fold. It means doing the one thing I have control over which is letting go of any feelings or thoughts I have towards that person that impacts me. I cannot demand an apology or expect remorse from another person. What I have control over is what my reaction is so let go any expectation. If it happens, it is nice. I am always willing to talk about it. If not, I do not waste my time and energy on that as it affects my mood and emotions. So I use forgiveness as a means of letting go of negative thoughts and feelings that affect me about a person and/or a situation. The second part is strong boundaries.

My school had slide and what we called jungle gym for very small children. The older kids had to run and play. Parks were not a very big thing then like now. But pretty much every house had a swing. A huge one in the middle of the house that was as long and wide as a twin bed I would say. A fully grown adult could lay down and sleep on it without falling. I have always had a thing for swings ever since and even now I have porch swings, swing chairs both indoor and outdoor. I always love the feeling of swinging. I always love and loved games that involve lots of running or ball games. But swings are something I have a thing for even now. I don't think I will ever outgrown them.

I used to love jeans, cannot abide them now. The fabric feels so hard. It is a texture issue. I wear a lot of linen, cotton and velvet pants. I have a lovely tailor who makes them in my country of origin and have it sent over or pack muled by visiting family. Otherwise it is leggings or yoga pants. But I am starting to dislike having the waistband at all. Thus experimenting with wearing dresses a lot more because the older I get, I like loose and flowy, nothing restrictive. Midi and maxi dresses it is.

OP, stay out of it as it has the potential to affect your relationship with both of them. If you bring both of them together and play mediator you run the risk of your 30 year old thinking you are infantilizing him at the minimum. I cannot speak for how your 20 year old may react, but when I was out of the house at a much younger age and an independent adult by every metric I tended to not react well at people who were well intentioned but I perceived as treating me like a child. A sibling IMO is one of the best people to practice relationships on when it comes to boundaries, especially as young adults navigating the world. You as a parent do not see the world like they do. Siblings are in most cases safe people we grew up with, who know us, love us and yet will tell us exactly how they feel if we push them. Let this play out between them. Listen and do not say anything. It is healthier for both of them if they figure it out by themselves and will help when it comes to relationships with each other and even others in my experience.

Stay out of it. Listen but do not say anything. Most of all, do not take sides unless it is absolutely essential. My relationship with my brother though we have not lived in the same country for going two decades is incredibly close. It is not linear, we have gone through ups and downs, but it has endured because we had to find a way to do it our way and accommodating our needs, our lives and our personalities. No one, not spouses or parents can define it for us.

I just learned the English word for the smell of rain. It is the unique smell of rain falling on dry, parched soil. It is a very earthy smell. You can also smell it occasionally when the sprinklers hit parched earth in the height of summer. My language has a word to describe it and I have often wondered if English had a word too. It is Pertichor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrichor

I concentrated on taste and nutrition then texture. It was lentils and rice with spices mashed slightly with a bit of ghee. Porridge with different grains. Soups or more broth with bones, bit of meat, onion, ginger, garlic. Vegetable soups mashed all with a little bit of spice like cumin, coriander, turmeric, fennel, garam masala, tiny bit of chilli powder. Parboiled vegetables and raw fruits cut up. Texture was rice and curries with small portions of fish, chicken and egg. Yogurt and rice with a little bit of seasonings. Sprinkle of herbs. Steamed rice cake, a tiny bit of flat breads and bread, pasta and noodles. Basically introducing the palette.

I am not a make up person, more a skin care person. So I work on my skin with vegan and natural products. I wear lip balm balm mostly for a spot of color. I wear lip gloss and mascara when I need to. I also get my brows threaded once in 6-8 weeks. If I am going out for an event, it is almost always professionally done make up.

@Quill not sure if this is relevant, but FWIW. When I came here as a student, there were parents of friends who took me under their wing. I was not floundering or looked like I needed help. I was quite capable of taking care of myself, going for a master's degree and also holding down a job. But I needed help in ways like learning to drive because it was not a skill that was necessary in my country of origin. Or swimming which I thought I could from a class, but needed extra help. In fact, it was taught by a father of friend who did sea rescues. I was always very careful not to impose, thought of myself as capable and I would have floundered. But I was offered help kindly because people really looked at what I lacked, what I wanted. I would have had a longer learning curve or never swam if not for those kind people. I always have a very soft spot for people like that who take those who are not their's under their wing and offer guidance and support. It made a world of difference to me and they are another set of grandparents for my kids now. What you are doing is wonderful. I don't really know what advice to give on how to do it, but I say a lot about how it felt to be at the receiving end of it and what a difference it makes especially if you are a young adult who is a bit proud to ask for needed help. 😊

*Deconverting anglican here disclaimer*. My former home church is in Asia. I volunteered from mid teens to be a Sunday school teacher. Then progressed to youth group. My church had Sunday school, youth, choir, women's ministry, men's ministry, prison ministry, village ministry. It was heavily run by volunteers. I do not remember overlap at all with the pastor at the head. What you describe is unsustainable. Please don't be afraid to speak up. You are not complaining.

This brings back memories. My grandmother used to make a dish made with lungs and liver and spices, onion, ginger, garlic. The lung was cut into such small pieces that you would not have texture issues like what @Spy Car refers to. I only had it once though, was quite lovely actually until I was told what it was. Then it was 🤢. I could never get over lungs. I still eat liver and hoof (yes I know sounds 🤢 🤑but when you cook it with black chickpeas, onion, ginger, garlic, spices it turns it into *chef's kiss* in my view. Still it is a bridge too far for many in my family. My grandmother used to eat a lot of offal. Washed well and delicious until you know what part it was. 😂

I understand, mine too. My kids get annoyed when I teach them with a pinch of that or this. They tell me their hands are smaller. I did look up the beets and coconut milk soup though. It does exist. Your curry sounds lovely.

My kids love to "interview" their grandparents. They ask questions and record them. Grandparents taught our language to them. If grandparents are fluent in another language or your family has roots from elsewhere, you could attempt to learn the language. Tracing family history. Cook together. Watch movies Play games Just sit and talk Go on walks together

There is talk of her being transferred to a UK prison. Read it somewhere, not sure where. Perhaps her family wants it ? Not sure again. I personally think the death penalty is for crimes like these.

The first sounds like a start of a lovely vegan golden beet soup. But since you say you will combine it with the chicken, out goes the vegan part. 😂 So some curry with a side of rice. May I request a recipe please. Now I have a craving for vegan golden beet soup...😋

We used to go and be super busy pre-COVID, entertain a lot. Now, after COVID years we are loving the slower pace. We even cook a lot on Fridays to laze about the weekend. Your weekend sounds lovely.

I attended the YouTube culinary school during the pandemic Some favorite channels were Maangchi (Korean) https://www.youtube.com/user/Maangchi/videos Marion's kitchen (Asian, Thai especially) https://www.youtube.com/c/Marionskitchen Abuela's Kitchen (Mexican) https://www.youtube.com/user/onelifeonewayvid Made with Lau (Chinese) https://www.youtube.com/madewithlau

Wash cloth normally. Loofah when I am fancy. Benefits are well, it makes my skin soft and smooth and I do not need a lot of product, not that I am a fan of it. I use coconut oil to moisturize (good old grandma method). I have heard it improves circulation, gets rid of old cells blah blah. I also do dry brushing if I am diligent but that is twice a week. I do not use a lot of product and use vegan and natural products.

I am aiming towards zero too. What makes us a human and a good human at that is caring and empathy. So like we feel sympathy if others are being treated unfairly, we hurt for ourselves too. The trick for me it is affecting my actions. I used to be a classic "nice person" which was a people pleaser, non confrontational because I "hated drama" and always wanted to get approval for my actions. But it came at the expense of being a door mat and not valuing myself. I used to think valuing myself and my needs were selfish. But that is not true or healthy. So I erect strong boundaries and in rare cases no contact or less contact with people who bring more negativity than positivity in my life. I do not look for approval at all and try not to care. I instead aim for truthful relationships. I am in the process of learning to do that. I am so very sorry. Be a mama bear short of breaking the law. But I absolutely identify with wanting to swing at people hurting your child. ((Hugs)) Few people will accept us warts and all. Those are the people we share who we truly are. I look at it this way, while I like to entertain and be hospitable, not everyone who enters is allowed in all parts of my house. So too in relationships There are degrees of relationships and those who are the closest to us see all of us. I think most people are like that.

I collect quotes, a few I have adapted to live by One of them is "I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not" The older I get I have zero __ as they say to give if people like me or not. I am not pretending to keep the peace. I will be civil, polite and I am not spoiling for a fight but people better watch out especially if they mess with my kids. You are going through one of the hardest periods of life as a parent and if your inner mama bear roars I say let her rip especially to people who hurt you and yours. You know who your people are especially you hit bottom. Keep them close, let the others go. Do not care what they think of you. ((Hugs))

A lot of things will change with the Queen dies. Everything from the Commonwealth to the Anglican Church. Her's was the reign where the majority of the Commonwealth countries became independent and voluntarily joined. The world the Queen became head of state exists no more. There has been a lot of things that are and will come to a reckoning at this point in time. The whole history of colonization and the part of the BRF played in it a big part of it especially in the role of indigenous people. Many countries in the Caribbean are replacing or have replaced the Queen as head of state. There are calls for an apology for colonization from the person who wears the crown and it is louder. It will fall upon her successors to deal with it. Then comes the Anglican church, again world wide and the British Monarch is head of it. Prince Charles is divorced. That will not sit well in many countries. He is not exactly shy about his opinions and making it known unlike his mother which does not sit well with governments. The world William and Kate inherit will be vastly different from what the Queen inherited. Their personality or popularity will not be a factor in that world like it was for the Queen. Even people who dislike the BRF like her mostly in my experience. Being boring will serve them well.

I wanted to say more about having reservations, but had to leave briefly. It is absolutely not easy giving up control of parenting and I had a new respect for my parents and DH for his. We are currently having both inlaws and parents visit. Together. Usually they visit 6 months at a time separately. But now all 4 of them are here. I will be honest, it is challenging and overwhelming at times. But both DH and I remember how much upset we both were when we were unexpectedly faced with the fact that they may never come back. So we remember that when there are challenges. But the children are so happy. Due to the unexpected health challenges, they and both DH and I wanted them to visit once more. Probably be the last time and especially for DD they also wanted to do it because she is little and does not have the same memories of them DS has. They used to FaceTime regularly to teach her our language and spend time with her, but it is just not the same as memories with grandparents. It is not easy for DH or me but just seeing the joy of both DS and DD is worth all of it. They used to put their lives on hold for 6 months of each year so they would bond with our children. Both DH and I wanted that. Both grandparents invest in our children. Despite the challenges, I would not have it any other way. Have boundaries and communicate, it will not be easy but your children will be loved and will be invested in by people who love them almost as much you do and that is worth something.

With respect to the family village and multi-generational family, I grew up in one. My grandparents almost had as much a role shaping me as my parents. It was difficult at times because it was like you had 4 parents instead of 2 as a kid, but when I was an adult I learned to appreciate that so much that I re-created it with my inlaws and parents for my kids. DH came from a similar background. It is not without it's challenges but for the children, 100% positive and a great benefit. There have been times in my life DH and I were unable to parent well due to pregnancy and infant loss. But they more than made up for that role and DS remembers that period fondly instead of being scarred. Please do not feel guilty. Raising children is shared in many cultures by family members. You can only do so much and there is nothing wrong with a loving grandparent being part of raising a child. The child benefits enormously and I say that as someone who lived that.