Generational communication differences

[Katy]

This is going around Facebook and I thought it was an interesting topic.  I too get confused by my mom’s texts, for the same reason.  Do you analyze for tone?
 

Edited October 3, 2021 by Katy

[Momto6inIN]

Huh.

I use ellipses a lot, even on here. I usually use them to imply a pause that's longer than a comma, but not a whole new thought like a new sentence would be. I have learned the use of exclamation points and the lack of end periods, but maybe I'm older than I thought! 😉

[Tenaj]

Very interesting.  I use ellipses quite frequently but I never thought about why.  It's probably a pause, maybe more to convey I'm stopping to think, like it would be in a verbal conversation.  I will have to watch that pattern.

I was having a text conversation with someone about 25 years younger than I recently and she responded rather abruptly to one of  my texts which ended the conversation.  I thought it was weird but then read that using periods at the end of a text was more significant than just the end of a sentence and realized my style of texting probably led her to believe I was being impatient and wanted the conversation to end.  

Fascinating stuff!

[Sneezyone]

My DD has observed these patterns as well. She frequently says that her dad is a ‘dry texter’ who conveys no emotion whatsoever and uses too few words. He’s not over 50 tho, just 41 and busy.

Edited October 3, 2021 by Sneezyone

[Melissa B]

I love the ease of texting, but I can't quite figure out conveying tone. Good to know it is common at my age. 🙂

My dd17 texted me earlier this week that she was going out to lunch with friends after work. I replied, "Sounds good. Have fun."

She immediately called me and asked if I was angry and would prefer she not go. I clearly stated it was fine. If I didn't want her to go I would have texted something along the lines of "I really need you at home." or "Please call me first." or "I'd rather you didn't. We have plans." If I think it is fine, then that is what I type. ????

She told me it would probably be best if I just stopped using periods, altogether. And maybe use more exclamation points, too. I truly struggle. When you come to the end of one sentence and want to start another, you use a period. It feels like common sense.

[Sneezyone]

8 minutes ago, Melissa B said:

I love the ease of texting, but I can't quite figure out conveying tone. Good to know it is common at my age. 🙂

My dd17 texted me earlier this week that she was going out to lunch with friends after work. I replied, "Sounds good. Have fun."

She immediately called me and asked if I was angry and would prefer she not go. I clearly stated it was fine. If I didn't want her to go I would have texted something along the lines of "I really need you at home." or "Please call me first." or "I'd rather you didn't. We have plans." If I think it is fine, then that is what I type. ????

She told me it would probably be best if I just stopped using periods, altogether. And maybe use more exclamation points, too. I truly struggle. When you come to the end of one sentence and want to start another, you use a period. It feels like common sense.

You needed at least one exclamation mark in there. Probably after the “Have fun”. Exclamation marks show emotion. I’m reminded of this book that my kids loved…https://www.amazon.com/Exclamation-Mark-Amy-Krouse-Rosenthal/dp/0545436796/ref=asc_df_0545436796_nodl/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312696674585&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5081478996993241643&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9008492&hvtargid=pla-541775148955&psc=1

Edited October 3, 2021 by Sneezyone

[Wheres Toto]

I always struggle with how to spell an excited sounding yes.  Like Yeah!  or Yay!   A not excited enough for an exclamation point Yeah seems like I'm just saying a casual yes.   I guess it's Yay.  I usually resort to Yippee.  

I only really text with my oldest and she's never said anything so I guess I'm not doing too badly.  

[MEmama]

This is interesting.

In general I am working on using fewer exclamation points. They read as childish and not-serious in a work environment. Obviously they have their place (like, apparently, in texts) but as a 49 yo woman I don’t think they do my writing/messaging any favors. I find it grating and insincere when people use them too frequently. 

[BusyMom5]

I just looked through my texts with my 18 year old.  I use a lot of dashes.  I do use exclamation marks, but probably not as many as she does.  I still use regular sentence structure when typing out a longer response.  I tend to do emojis by themselves for some reason?  

[Kassia]

I'm 54 and use too many dashes and exclamation points.  I need to work on both.  

 

[marbel]

Yeah my daughter coaches me on proper texting. I don't use periods at the end of one-line texts and I notice that at work people don't use them when sending one-line slack or zoom messages. I like ellipses but generally refrain, and use more ! than I like. 😄

[kbutton]

I am dense. What is the understood meaning of ellipsis in text? Only as a dampener to mood?

I tend to find that people younger than me that text don't finish their thoughts and don't actually convey important information they are purporting to be sending me, lol! But my sample group involves ADHD and/or dyslexia, so it might be a general written expression issue. 

 

[Miss Tick]

14 minutes ago, Kassia said:

I'm 54 and use too many dashes and exclamation points.  I need to work on both.  

 

What? - no!!!!  😉 Or, er, What...no.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Hmm.  (I so want to put elipses there).  Maybe this is why the younger people in my sonography cohort stopped including me in stuff.  During the height of the pandemic when we had online classes and no clinicals, texting was how we communicated.  I stopped getting included in things and it was very hurtful.  But, I've always been one of the first to congratulate a classmate on passing a board exam or getting a job.  

I've tried to emulate how my 21 yo daughter texts, but not too much because it feels false.  What looks cute and energetic for a 21 yo looks totally fake on me, a 58 yo mom.  Like I'm trying too hard.

I did learn that I need to stop writing novels and send texts one line at a time (which eliminates the need for periods at the end of the sentence.)  Probably need to up my emoji game.  I use the same ones all the time unless my phone prompts me with something else.  

[Miss Tick]

I try not to analyze too closely. My mom can be pretty abrupt, though, and I've wondered if it was a sign of discomfort with conversing via texting. Perhaps I've been misreading her tone. Occasionally I'll tell her a few things that people in my house are doing, one or two I think she might have particular interest in, hoping for a discussion or at least a response with what they have planned. Instead I'll get back "That's nice." I've been interpreting that as, "How come you never call me???" But I guess I need to retranslate it as, "lovely! Tell me more! Ask me a direct question!"

[gardenmom5]

I think the person who responded completely derailed the whole thing by going off into a tangent on ellipses. 

The boss asked when her semester was over so she could schedule her more hours.  (It was poorly phrased.  She would have specifically asked: when would she be available.) 

She said finals were done on the 15th.  

That leaves a question (to me at least) - is she available on the 15th?  or the 16th?

They both get an F for communication.

[Ellie]

o_0

I rarely use ellipsis, so there's that. Hardly ever exclamation points, except where, you know, appropriate. I'm going to say that it isn't just because it's text; it's that so many younger people have had such a poor education, especially in writing. 

[Pawz4me]

I use ellipses a LOT here, but I do it in a way that I hope conveys a slight pause to think or (perhaps) a slight change of conversational direction. I rarely use them texting, but do use dashes. No reason other than I think they're easier to do on the phone. I pretty much stick to short and to-the-point when texting. I usually do use ending periods because I forget that I'm supposed to break that grammar rule (and I admit doing so drives me just a tiny bit batty). Neither of my young adults (22 and 25) has ever informed me that anything is wrong with my texting style, but one of them is on the spectrum. I suspect reading through that FB post would have him bewildered. He's short and to the point and definitely wouldn't get such subtly implied things via texting, I don't think. And the other one is a busy professional and--at least with me--seems more interested in what is being clearly communicated than style or what mood kinda sorta maybe might be implied. That the FB post is by a female and is about texting with her mom, and because nothing about it seems accurate WRT my texting with my sons . . it makes me wonder if it has more to do with mother/daughter relationships than just simple texting style?

[marbel]

I also have a problem with "yay." I've always used "yea" but my daughter tells me that reads like "yeah." So now use "yay" as I do understand that words and language change. I just don't like the way it looks. 

[catz]

Hmm interesting.  I am just over 50 and rarely use ellipses.  I do use exclamation marks and I overuse emojis and I say Yay. LOL.  Meh - I don't consider that a problem.  If someone has questions about my text or texting style, they are more than  welcome to have a conversation with me about it.  95% of my texting is with my 2 kids and my husband.  I am not a great texter.  I tend to be very brief if I'm texting from my phone.  I can be overly texty if I'm on the app on my laptop.  Yes, I do use periods at times lol.  My 75 year old mom is a very brief texter when she gets around to it.   

I kind of see this as less of a generational thing and more just a technology usage thing.  Like my 20 year old son is usually not a prolific texter.  My husband is very brief and dry in his texting style.  But that doesn't match their in person personalities really.  My daughter texts and texts and texts.  But can be shy and stand offish when you meet her.  

What I don't get is overanalyzing use of a punctuation mark made on a tiny keyboard or overthinking the use of ... over - over no space?  Like I always read someone's text in the context of who it is.  I don't expect my mom to be all hearts and flowers and upbeat sounding in her brief texts.  I think it's a bit odd not to take the words at face value.  

At the same news my mom or older SIL might be

Great, thanks for letting me know.  I look forward to that.

And my 17 year old might be 

OMG YAY!!!!!!!  ❤️😍💕 (continue emojs and joy here ...)

And I can't imagine feeling shorted with either reply.  I feel like over the years I'm better with empathy and interpreting people's words, actions, texting, etc in the context of who they are and why they might respond to a situation like they do.  I was raised in a home that had some sarcasm and tongue and cheek stuff and it actually took some practice not to interpret a lot of stuff through that lens.   Anyway, interesting. 

Kids, we're just out here using technology the best way we know how.  Don't overthink it.  If someone is bothering to respond to you, that is always a good sign!  You're not going to grind those years of grammar and writing out of some of us!  If you have time to assign very specific emotions to punctuation, you could possibly use another hobby lol.  

[Tanaqui]

Katy, do you happen to have the original URL that was all screenshotted from?

[Farrar]

I saw this on FB as well.

My own style is a bit in between, which makes sense because I'm a younger Gen X'er. I do love an ellipsis. To me, the em dash is lovely, but the en dash you're actually getting when you hit dash isn't right. I do use exclamation marks or emojis in my texts often, mostly because I want to indicate tone. I do it in emails as well, just more formally punctuated. 

I do find some of the levels of exclamation mark and emoji use over the top sometimes by my younger friends. But... whatever. I'm aware it's a generation thing so I don't then assume that they're being false. It's just a difference in communication style, which is fine. The part that bugs me more is that sometimes they seem to think older people are doing it wrong. No. No one is doing it wrong. It's texting. You can't do it wrong. 🙄 The only way to do it wrong is to assume that your way is the right way and no be understanding of cultural differences.

So that's my one quibble with the shared thread. Instead of taking the position that they "need" to learn to do it differently, maybe it's like, everyone needs to be aware this is a difference. And if you want to communicate with either side more effectively, you may want to adopt some of the tricks.

[sassenach]

This is timely. Just last night I banned my FIL from using exclamation points in his texts to me. I had groceries delivered to him and they sent one wrong item and all of his communication was with exclamation points, "I got a box that was butter!!" "Forget that inside were 6 bags of buttered popcorn so still no butter!" Because our relationship is primarily me doing things for him, the constant exclamation marks about things I need to do or fix has gotten old. I doubt he means it to sound like he's yelling at me, but in frustration last night, I kind of snapped. I want to be a person who just knows that he's not yelling and therefore doesn't care about the exclamation points, but apparently I'm not. 

[Not_a_Number]

I think I text like the younger people in these examples. I would use exclamations and smileys for tone, because I know how much tone gets lost in text. I'm in my late 30s. 

That doesn't stop me from writing in proper paragraphs and using ellipses on here, by the way 😉 . 

One thing I don't do is totally skip capitalization and punctuation in texts 😛 . My sister does that and I don't think that does anything whatsoever useful. 

[catz]

I am sure I text young too.  I'm the one of the 4 of us looking up funny cat gifs and Lolololing 🤣  all the time on our family texts.  

[frogger]

I don't know if it is just me or if it is a thing. I really want to leave articles out in a text. Is that just me being lazy or do other people do this?

 

I mostly text with older people. 

I think I overuse emojis because of the tone thing. Maybe I don't but...

Ha 

Had to throw in that ellipses.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 3, 2021 by frogger

[Junie]

So the only people I message on a regular basis are my mom, ds20, and dd18.  None of us use ellipses.  I use dashes.

Mom -- writes everything as if it's a formal email, but adds emojis.  Because emojis.  :) 

Ds20 -- only writes one sentence at a time -- never uses punctuation.  Uses emojis scarcely.

Dd18 -- ends every sentence with an emoji instead of punctuation

Me -- I write short sentences and use emojis in similar amounts to whomever I'm talking with.  ETA:  And I rarely capitalize when I'm messaging my kids -- especially if it's a lengthy conversation.  The arthritis in my fingers makes the shift key painful and I know that they don't care if I use proper capitalization.

 

 

Edited October 3, 2021 by Junie

[Moonhawk]

I'm still trying to come to terms with a friend who uses ellipses, especially when I say something and they respond "Ok..." and I feel like, "Whoops, overshared, or went too far with that." To me, it reads like are trying to let the conversation fade out of existence, which I let them do, lol. But they also use them for things like, "I have photos from the day at the beach..." which I KNOW they are asking would I like to see them. So, yeah ellipses are confusing between generations. This friend is an older generation, but all of their other texting habits match mine perfectly so the ellipses just throw me for a loop. I have started to mimic the ellipses to them only, "I've got more fudge I could share..." but only to them.

I've found commas are usually an acceptable replacement for the period. So, "sounds good, have fun" would usually work and doesn't set off alarm bells. That way you can get the delineation of thoughts, but strung together as if you were speaking without a formal ending between each. 

When I think about periods in texts, I tend to think of it like as if I was reading a telegram (or, at least how I'd imagine a telegram to be read). "Sounds good STOP have fun STOP" where a full stop is implied and gives off a sense of finality.  [Not all the time, but the more formal the voice the more I read it this way] So if I feel like I had a long thought of 6 or 7 lines and I'm done, I do use a period because I'm finished with my novella, lol. then send a text with a smiley or " sound good ?" type of thing after to show I'm not trying to end the conversation.

Exclamations to me are short-hand for "She said happily!" since they can't hear my tone. "have fun" vs "have fun!" the first may come off as not actually wanting you to have fun, or at best said in a distracted tone. The exclamation means I mean it happily.  In text it doesn't convey shouting, THATS WHAT CAPS ARE FOR. Multiple exclamations don't make it shouting, it is a measurement of the level of the emotion being expressed.

I don't tend to use emojis as much and prefer the smilies with : and ) instead of the emoticon. I've turned off the replacement features on my phone. Sometimes I delve into emojis but that's only if there is a lot of emotion or we are playing a silly game. In that way I date myself a bit.

And I don't cap things at the beginning of the text. idk why not, but I usually just cap First Names and that's it.. :)    

[frogger]

Moonhawk made me reread things. 

I confess I mostly text with my parents and children and then lots and lots of people of my own generation so I am curious.

I don't use ellipses for connecting two sentences like some of the examples but for trailing off which was what I was taught in English class in essence.  It seems the younger people are actually closer to the original English grammar use, at least, in the examples I see, which I find interesting.

[Lady Florida.]

My text style is based on who I'm texting. Dh and I use punctuation like we would if we were writing a non-text. My friends and I (all over 55) also use normal punctuation. Ds 24 has helped me learn a bit about texting etiquette. Apparently periods are passive aggressive so I don't use them with him, with my 33 yo niece, or with her 13yo twins.

I do tend to use ellipses in informal writing to express the trailing off of a thought which is their actual grammatical use in informal writing. I've learned not to use them when texting younger people though. And if I use them here, now you all know what I mean by them.  Well, at least those of you who read this thread.

On the subject of ellipses, does anyone else have the scene from Mamma Mia running in their head now? 😄

"Dot dot dot. It's what they did in the olden days."

BTW, I'm reading a book called Because Internet, which is an interesting though sometimes academic look at digital communication and how it's changing written language.

Edited October 3, 2021 by Lady Florida.

[Garga]

Hang on, can someone review again what an ellipsis means to a younger person? 

My boss is 68 years old and randomly uses them in emails and they don’t seem to have a rhyme or reason for them. She randomly uses them at ends of sentences…

I’m 48 years old and I use them to mean something is trailing off, often when I’m writing something humorous like, ‘Well, that was awkward… 😄”

So what’s an ellipsis mean to a 28 or 18 year old?

[Katy]

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

Katy, do you happen to have the original URL that was all screenshotted from?

No, but several of my friends shared this on facebook so I wonder if it started there. 

12 minutes ago, Garga said:

Hang on, can someone review again what an ellipsis means to a younger person? 

My boss is 68 years old and randomly uses them in emails and they don’t seem to have a rhyme or reason for them. She randomly uses them at ends of sentences…

I’m 48 years old and I use them to mean something is trailing off, often when I’m writing something humorous like, ‘Well, that was awkward… 😄”

So what’s an ellipsis mean to a 28 or 18 year old?

A period means you want the conversation to end.  An ellipses is triple that.

I use them the same way you do, like in any American English writing (except texts apparently). 

I bet in 200 years there will be kids evaluating “old” literature and wondering why everyone was so harsh and angry all the time. 

[Bambam]

I don't use ellipses - unless to indicate we should think more on these things. 

I have told my children that I still will use proper punctuation most of the time and not to read anything into that. They know me. They know what I will most likely say, so don't read anything into it. I will say what I mean, and that's it. If I mean something else, I will say that! 

I'm still curious why one group gets to lay down all the texting rules. When communicating with anyone, younger or older, I have always tried to take into account where they are coming from. IMHO, you don't make assumptions about what someone said or means. If you have questions, verify, and then proceed. 

I have started using more exclamation marks. Although the rule in our family is even numbers of !! cancel out - so that two !! equals no !. You must have an odd number. This came about because we have one friend who seems unable to put just one punctuation mark on anything.  So Excited!!!!!! Do you know what this is?!?!?!?!???  

[Farrar]

To me, ellipses are when I'm thinking about it or convey a lack of certainty. 

"Hmm... I'm not sure about that... it solves one problem but then what do we do about Grandma?" Or "Ooh, I like that... and could we add ice cream too?" Or "I guess Saturday works..." if I'm indicating that I'm not sure if it does really work. 

I do use them to indicate a pause as well, but less of a random pause. Like the one in the tweet thread is pointless to me. 

Edited October 3, 2021 by Farrar

[SanDiegoMom]

I sometimes make an effort to match someone else's tone while texting and I find it exhausting.  How can anyone feel such levels of excitement? But I try since I come off as pretty brusque and irritated sounding otherwise.  Then there's the whole tapback on iphones that allow you to "react" to someone's text.  I feel like if someone "hearts" your texts multiple times while you don't "heart" their's, then there is an imbalance. 
 

I loved texting initially -- especially as it was easier to get in touch with people that I was friends with at different duty stations while my husband was active duty.

Now I feel like it's just intrusive.  I feel like there's this constant pressure to respond to texts, and guilt if you haven't.  And I don't text regularly with many people at all!

I have dreams of moving somewhere that magically has all the conveniences of the city that I am used to having, combined with the utter isolation of a deserted island or a lighthouse.  

[Doodlebug]

The expectation that texts should convey nuance?  LOL.  Honey, why do you think the handwritten letter was dumped in favor of the telephone?   

Frankly, I would never have expected my grandfather to communicate with me on MY terms.  If he tried, it would have been hilarious and I wouldn't have been on social media lamenting his lack of "tone."  Some of the examples posted above hit me that way -- ick and gross.    

[Forget-Me-Not]

I saw this the other day and could completely relate 😂

I have a friend (who is in her 50s) who uses the ellipses constantly in her texts. She didn’t even have a smart phone for a long time, and when she did finally start texting, it took me a bit to learn how to read her texts in the tone she means them. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

50 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I'm still curious why one group gets to lay down all the texting rules. When communicating with anyone, younger or older, I have always tried to take into account where they are coming from. IMHO, you don't make assumptions about what someone said or means. If you have questions, verify, and then proceed. 
 

My thoughts exactly!  I was dragged kicking and screaming into texting before smart phones even existed and before my kids ever had phones.  Back when you had to pay for each text.  😀  Why do they get to write the rules?  I was there first!  😜

44 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I sometimes make an effort to match someone else's tone while texting and I find it exhausting.  How can anyone feel such levels of excitement? But I try since I come off as pretty brusque and irritated sounding otherwise.  Then there's the whole tapback on iphones that allow you to "react" to someone's text.  I feel like if someone "hearts" your texts multiple times while you don't "heart" their's, then there is an imbalance. 
 

I loved texting initially -- especially as it was easier to get in touch with people that I was friends with at different duty stations while my husband was active duty.

Now I feel like it's just intrusive.  I feel like there's this constant pressure to respond to texts, and guilt if you haven't.  And I don't text regularly with many people at all!

I have dreams of moving somewhere that magically has all the conveniences of the city that I am used to having, combined with the utter isolation of a deserted island or a lighthouse.  

Man, a whole new level of social anxiety.  What would the DSM call this one?  

[frogger]

35 minutes ago, Doodlebug said:

The expectation that texts should convey nuance?  LOL.  Honey, why do you think the handwritten letter was dumped in favor of the telephone?   

Frankly, I would never have expected my grandfather to communicate with me on MY terms.  If he tried, it would have been hilarious and I wouldn't have been on social media lamenting his lack of "tone."  Some of the examples posted above hit me that way -- ick and gross.    

I did ask my daughter, who is very thoughtful in communicating and catches way more than I do, what she thought of my texts and she responded, "You sound like Mom. Everyone texts differently."

I have to say I love this response. Communication is a two way street. It is probably a good idea to learn not to text all caps for every single message but at the same time take into consideration the person who is texting you. It is why when we read books, essays, or poetry we learn context be it historical or cultural. We should all have our own voice in writing or texting or even speaking. 

I do think I can learn from the younger generation tips and tricks I might not have thought of but it would be nice if everyone was a little more gracious. 

That being said, I have a friend who uses text to speech and says period because the phone will just type a period. I once got a whole paragraph from her with the word "period" spelled out after each sentence. That certainly has a different meaning than just writing a period but I knew what had happened and found it hilarious. 

 

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

I'm still trying to come to terms with a friend who uses ellipses, especially when I say something and they respond "Ok..." and I feel like, "Whoops, overshared, or went too far with that." To me, it reads like are trying to let the conversation fade out of existence, which I let them do, lol.  

It could also be . . .and?  meaning, more information is wanted.

I'm mostly only texting my kids.

[ericathemom]

This is such a fascinating topic. I love seeing language evolve.

One this I do in text that I wish I saw more often was abbreviating names. I'm mostly texting other mom friends about our kids/husbands. I nearly always use just the first initial for names; sort of how I saw written in victorian-era hand-written letters. I don't see that nearly as often as I prefer.

I also wish I could just respond with the letter "k" instead of "Okay. Sounds good!" but I've heard that "k" is rude. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Bambam said:

I'm still curious why one group gets to lay down all the texting rules.

 I think it's because younger people grew up with texting, whereas older folks did not. So, yeah, I can imagine they might feel a bit proprietary about it. 

But, to me it's just another way of adjusting to the people I'm texting with. When texting with people my age, my texts probably read like email. Proper punctuation, full sentences, etc. When I'm texting people from work, all of whom are younger than me, some by many decades, I will text the way they do. I have no desire to be seen as the grumpy old lady who can't roll with the times. 

One friend of mine, my age, grouses about this stuff a lot. If I was her kid/grandkid, I'd be sick of it. I feel like saying - "text however you want to, but don't bitch about the way they do it, or one day they will just stop texting you, ya know? Would that be better?"

[stephanier.1765]

I would love to put this on FB myself. Often there are miscommunications between my DIL and I because of how differently we text. Even though I've asked repeatedly to have important conversations in person or at least over the phone, she is just more comfortable with texting and therefore we keep circling the same problems.

[mom2scouts]

6 hours ago, Melissa B said:

I love the ease of texting, but I can't quite figure out conveying tone. Good to know it is common at my age. 🙂

My dd17 texted me earlier this week that she was going out to lunch with friends after work. I replied, "Sounds good. Have fun."

She immediately called me and asked if I was angry and would prefer she not go. I clearly stated it was fine. If I didn't want her to go I would have texted something along the lines of "I really need you at home." or "Please call me first." or "I'd rather you didn't. We have plans." If I think it is fine, then that is what I type. ????

She told me it would probably be best if I just stopped using periods, altogether. And maybe use more exclamation points, too. I truly struggle. When you come to the end of one sentence and want to start another, you use a period. It feels like common sense.

See, this would really annoy me. I've made it quite clear to my kids that I will be using punctuation and if they're offended by periods at the ends of sentences, that's their problem. Also, if I say "Sounds good, Have fun." then I mean it sounds good and I'd like them to have fun. If I was angry I would have told them I was angry and didn't want them to go. Maybe I'm just a crabby old lady, but I don't get calls asking if I'm angry because they know I meant they should go and have fun. I probably am just a crabby old lady because I have no patience for this kind of stuff anymore.

[Bambam]

4 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

See, this would really annoy me. I've made it quite clear to my kids that I will be using punctuation and if they're offended by periods at the ends of sentences, that's their problem. Also, if I say "Sounds good, Have fun." then I mean it sounds good and I'd like them to have fun. If I was angry I would have told them I was angry and didn't want them to go. Maybe I'm just a crabby old lady, but I don't get calls asking if I'm angry because they know I meant they should go and have fun. I probably am just a crabby old lady because I have no patience for this kind of stuff anymore.

It sounds like some of the rest of us are in the crabby old lady group. Really? I don't care. You are right - your kids should know you and already know you say what you mean. I do not have the time nor the inclination to consider and reconsider and re-reconsider how something might sound. What you see is what you get. Of course, I do not have any in-law children yet, so I might have to rethink this. But my kids are all female, so any inlaws will be male - which I think helps not do the overthinking/taking things personally situations. 

[Lady Florida.]

2 hours ago, SanDiegoMom said:

 Then there's the whole tapback on iphones that allow you to "react" to someone's text.  I feel like if someone "hearts" your texts multiple times while you don't "heart" their's, then there is an imbalance. 
 

 

For those of us without iPhones we get that useless reply that you think is them texting you but it just says so and so loved - and then it shows the last text you sent them. It's kind of annoying actually.

[Moonhawk]

36 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

See, this would really annoy me. I've made it quite clear to my kids that I will be using punctuation and if they're offended by periods at the ends of sentences, that's their problem. Also, if I say "Sounds good, Have fun." then I mean it sounds good and I'd like them to have fun. If I was angry I would have told them I was angry and didn't want them to go. Maybe I'm just a crabby old lady, but I don't get calls asking if I'm angry because they know I meant they should go and have fun. I probably am just a crabby old lady because I have no patience for this kind of stuff anymore.

I think the problem comes up that a lot of people are passive aggressive or sarcastic in person, at least sometimes. And in person they might say they are good with something but they completely expect you to pick up from their tone it's an imposition or not really ok at all (I always think of John Candy's mother in "Only the Lonely" where she always says in her imaginary death scenes, "Oh Danny, I hope you enjoyed your baseball game").

So when they are texting "Sounds good. Have fun." it's left open to interpretation because in conversation sometimes their words don't match what they mean. Texting norms evolved to be able to read these passive aggressive/sarcastic tones and they are implied with periods. Now, if you have good communication and you usually say what you mean (and your kids know you) then the rules don't need to apply to your specific and individual conversations. But, in the world at large, periods have evolved meanings that have made their use more nuanced in text.  

At least, that's what I think is happening, lol. 

[KidsHappen]

I am in the over 50 group and my dc have informed me that I am quaintly formal and proper in my texting but I never really understood why until reading this thread. I don't know that I have ever used an ellipsis in a text and rarely a dash. I use exclamation points as appropriate in regular writing and always end a sentence with a period if not an exclamation point or question mark. I rarely use emojis although I do occasionally use things like lol. Since the only people I text are my dc and my hubby and they all understand my writing style there hasn't ever really been a problem in understand tone.

On the other hand, I tend to be much less formal and somewhat more colloquial here on the boards with less concern for formal grammar and more in the style of an live conversation. I personally rarely have a problem with tone here. Occasionally I do have difficulty understanding what one person is saying to another or what two people are saying to each other but rarely what people are saying to me.

[Annie G]

Almost daily I text grandkids as young as 12, my own kids ranging from 27-37, my sisters who are 64 and 69, and my 89 year old father. If I make changes suggested in the OP’s post, I’ll probably please the grandkids and kids, but my siblings and dad will be baffled.  I feel like I can’t get this right. So ellipses and end periods are probably here to stay. 😎

[Doodlebug]

2 hours ago, frogger said:

 

I do think I can learn from the younger generation tips and tricks I might not have thought of but it would be nice if everyone was a little more gracious. 

I agree with this so much!  And kudos to your daughter for having the insight that people "sound" different. 

In terms of learning, I think there are inherent limits to the varying modes of communication which informs how much I can rightly expect of myself and others.  At the end of the day, it's a text.  It's a series of letters on a screen.  If we could all agree so microscopically on tone, nuance, and meaning of the written word, our courts would be unnecessary, one church would suffice where the Good Book is preached, etc. 

It's no one's fault that we can't come to an agreement on what an elipses means in a text message.  It's only on us as to how much time and emotional energy we put into considering just WHAT IT ALL MEANS.  ☺️