Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

Vent about inconsiderate family.

dirty ethel rackham

By dirty ethel rackham,
in The Chat Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

Posted
Posted

Hwre I am, sitting in a busy pancake restaurant giving up on waiting for my sister to show up. She is in town and she was the one who recommended meeting for breakfast today since I have to work. I confirmed with her last night. I texted her this morning. 30 minutes of sitting, watching the door, drinking the OJ that I'd didn't really want and I just placed my breakfast order. I could have had a leisurely morning at home or could have gone to yoga. She is the one who moved 10 hours away. She is the one who is usually too busy to spend much time with us on the few times we made the long drive to see her. She didn't come up to see us but came up for her friend's annual labor day party ... a huge drinkfest. She is probably still at her friends house sleeping off the nights revelry. I was actually excited that she had contacted me that she was coming to town and actually set up plans to see me. I will not cry here in public. I will eat the breakfast I ordered which isn't as good as what dh would make for me at home and then run and errand and go to work. And my sister will pretend like she did nothing wrong and that it was unreasonable for me to expect her to show up at 9 am when she is here to party with friends. I get it. I am the boring one. I am a low priority person. I keep giving chances because I keep thinking keep she changed and because I am reluctant to cut anymore ties.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
momacacia

momacacia

Posted
Posted

I'd only meet her at times/places that are convenient for you or that you want to be at alone; always assume she won't be there and.plan it as school planning or other stuff time. Be shocked when she actually arrives. You'll be happier that way. :-)

 

"Sure, Lets get together. I'll be grocery shopping from 9-9:40 on Monday. Let's walk around the store together and catch up," or "Meet me at yoga class...they have a free trial.class going all the time. I'd love to see you."

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Janeway

Janeway

Posted
Posted

My sister was the same way. And it only got worse and worse until I finally had to CO her. The thing where she would stand me up were only symptoms to how much worse it would get. She was allowed to walk all over me and in the future, she continued but took it further and further. My big regret was allowing her to go that long.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Seasider

Seasider

Posted
Posted

Oh honey, it's not you.

 

I totally understand, I am the "boring" one of my siblings. I'm even too boring for my own mother.

 

BUT I have been loyal to my own nuclear family, breaking the chain of disappointment, I hope. It's taken a few decades but I have seen that time and truth walk hand in hand, and my own little branch of the family tree has been able to weather storms much more successfully because of our boring-ness. You can call yourself boring or consider yourself the strong first link of a new chain.

 

I say, carry on, Strong Link!

  • Like 20
Link to comment
Share on other sites
NorthwestMom

NorthwestMom

Posted
Posted

Oh honey, it's not you.

 

I totally understand, I am the "boring" one of my siblings. I'm even too boring for my own mother.

 

BUT I have been loyal to my own nuclear family, breaking the chain of disappointment, I hope. It's taken a few decades but I have seen that time and truth walk hand in hand, and my own little branch of the family tree has been able to weather storms much more successfully because of our boring-ness. You can call yourself boring or consider yourself the strong first link of a new chain.

 

I say, carry on, Strong Link!

 

Me too, Seasider!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tap

Tap

Posted
Posted (edited)

My family has canceled on me more than they have bothered to show up.  I do like a previous poster suggested.  I will invite them to join me on things I already have planned, but no longer go out of my way for them.  I pretty much never see family because of it, but I have less resentment, so I consider it a win. 

 

 

 

Edited by Tap
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MEmama

MEmama

Posted
Posted

Oh honey, it's not you.

 

I totally understand, I am the "boring" one of my siblings. I'm even too boring for my own mother.

 

BUT I have been loyal to my own nuclear family, breaking the chain of disappointment, I hope. It's taken a few decades but I have seen that time and truth walk hand in hand, and my own little branch of the family tree has been able to weather storms much more successfully because of our boring-ness. You can call yourself boring or consider yourself the strong first link of a new chain.

 

I say, carry on, Strong Link!

Yup, I'm the boring one in my family, too. They make no attempt to hide their disdain.

 

I'm sorry you have to endure this. At some point, though, the choice is yours. Accept her abuse and continue to support it--hurting only yourself in the process--or move on. Moving on doesn't mean you have to be nasty or not send a Christmas card. It means prioritising yourself and acknowledging your own self worth.

 

You are right, she is never going to change. But you get to decide if you will.

 

:grouphug:

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry you got burned by hoping for the best from her. You were not wrong to do so, it was kind of you to assume the best of her until she proved to wrong.

 

But yeah, true colors are out and she obviously hasn't changed, so the best practical step is exactly what you said - don't expect change, don't bend over backwards, take any good thing she can offer and don't take personally when she is a selfish flake. Hugs!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Donna

Donna

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:  So sorry.

 

I know the feeling though. My kids had a gig in southern Texas a couple years ago with an open plane ticket offered (so I could chose where to fly home from). I contacted my sister in Houston and offered to rent a car and drive the 4 hours to see her and her family. She said she'd really like to get out of the house so suggested we meet in Austin which was halfway for both of us. So I booked a hotel room for 3 nights in Austin and she was supposed to meet us there with her kids and spend the 3 days with us. We drove to Austin, I called and texted daily for a few days before we left and when we arrived but no answer. The next day after more calls and texts, she finally texts (not calls) and says she isn't coming. This wasn't the first time she'd done something similar but the first time it cost me money...more than $400 I didn't really have after hotel room, eating out for the 3 days, and taking the kids to a few sightseeing things. I would not have minded spending the money if we'd have gotten together but we could have flown home from Laredo right after the gig and saved it if I had known she was going to bail.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
Posted

Nope. Just a text 2 hours after we were supposed to meet with a half-hearted apology, saying they were asleep and just woke up. What I expected.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

Well, you certainly know her well, because you knew exactly what she would say and that she wouldn't seem particularly sorry about it.

 

I'm sorry she's so inconsiderate and unreliable. :grouphug:

 

The biggest problem with people like that is when you keep giving them chances to do the right thing, they never do, and then you end up angry with yourself for being a nice person.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...