Texts at late hours?

[Sneezyone]

Why do they have to? Someone has to set up call and text blocking so you don't have to be concerned about rude middle of the night texting?

Why shouldn't I be able to expect you and others to not call or text unless it is an emergency? Why is it my responsibility to protect myself from you. Why can't you stop yourself from texting when I'm sleeping? Why can't I expect you to stop yourself. If you wouldn't knock on my door to tell me my tulips look amazing, then it's not time to text and say you are bringing potato salad to the swim team party.

 

(You is generalized here, it does not specifically mean the person I quoted)

 

No, someone has to do it because that's the role of a responsible phone owner. If a feature is bothering you, you address it, first what YOU can control and, second, what the other party or outside force can control. Your first step when a sexually explicit video pops up on the iPad isn't to attack YouTube it's to fix what YOU can in the settings. The next, outer ring of steps is to contact the source. That's just common sense. We live in the modern world, not utopia, and people aren't going to behave in your (general) preferred way at all times.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Sneezyone

[Sneezyone]

I get how my phone works.  I think what you are missing is that some people get crisis texts (particularly from teens, because sometimes it's safer to text than talk), and sometimes they come from an unknown number.  So to be sure those calls or texts get through, ALL calls and and texts must be let through on the settings.  The only technology option is to block those specific individuals who text in the middle of the night, and if it's a reply to a group text, you may not even know the person ahead of time to have known to block them.  It's a one by one method.

 

It's totally great that you don't have those kinds of stressors in your life, but those who do are often sleep-deprived and usually can't go back to sleep after a text about carpool.  Honestly, the people in my life are understanding, so it's not much of a problem for me, but I really feel for those who aren't so lucky.

 

I mute group texts from my DH's family. It's all Christian memes and nonsense anyway. It took me 5 seconds. The important texts get through, no problem.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Sneezyone

[Sneezyone]

I get how my phone works.  I think what you are missing is that some people get crisis texts (particularly from teens, because sometimes it's safer to text than talk), and sometimes they come from an unknown number.  So to be sure those calls or texts get through, ALL calls and and texts must be let through on the settings.  The only technology option is to block those specific individuals who text in the middle of the night, and if it's a reply to a group text, you may not even know the person ahead of time to have known to block them.  It's a one by one method.

 

It's totally great that you don't have those kinds of stressors in your life, but those who do are often sleep-deprived and usually can't go back to sleep after a text about carpool.  Honestly, the people in my life are understanding, so it's not much of a problem for me, but I really feel for those who aren't so lucky.

 

Quite frankly, you have no idea what kind of stressors I have in my life and that statement is incredibly presumptuous.

[marbel]

I get how my phone works.  I think what you are missing is that some people get crisis texts (particularly from teens, because sometimes it's safer to text than talk), and sometimes they come from an unknown number.  So to be sure those calls or texts get through, ALL calls and and texts must be let through on the settings.  The only technology option is to block those specific individuals who text in the middle of the night, and if it's a reply to a group text, you may not even know the person ahead of time to have known to block them.  It's a one by one method.

 

<snip>

 

This is it for me.  I know how to set up my phone on do not disturb, and silence certain things while allowing certain others.  But if my kids are out, I don't know who might call or text me. So, I don't use it then.

 

But late-night texting isn't really a problem in my life.  Once in a while I'll hear from a friend on the west coast who enjoys drunk-texting from concerts and sporting events.  10pm for him is 1am for me, so that can be annoying.  I could block him but it only happens a few times a year, so it's not a problem.   :-)  

 

My husband is a part-time pastor and for a while was also an emergency contact for his work, so he reacts to all calls or texts, day or not.  He doesn't get many either.  

 

It's not necessarily a matter of people not understand how technology works, or how to do things on their own phone.  It's really about how their life works. 

Edited April 10, 2017 by marbel

[Joules]

Quite frankly, you have no idea what kind of stressors I have in my life and that statement is incredibly presumptuous.

I apologize. I really meant that specific kind of stressor, since this particular problem is not one for you. We all have different stressors. I guess I'm sensitive to how others react to mine. I'll bow out.

[Lanny]

I think the issue is not just SMS Text Message notifications. It also applies to the  Tapatalk App, which I installed for WTM, and to WhatsApp and probably to many other Apps. My method of handling this was to set the Volume level for "Notifications" close to off.  I have the other 2 settings set at full blast. Our HOA has 3 WhatsApp Chat channels, so that helped me there and also with  Tapatalk for WTM.  

 

A month or so ago, I had calls from one phone number a bunch of times and my low end Samsung doesn't have a way to block just one number, so I installed a Call Blocker App to take care of that.

 

I prefer email and I can answer them immediately if I'm here and available when they come in, or, whenever I can.  The one thing to remember when sending an email, SMS message, FAX, etc., is that one cannot be positive the receiving party has received and read the message, unless they confirm that. Sometimes SMS messages take time to get through the system. More so with WhatsApp messages, which are free.  

 

Reply at your convenience.

 

[Lizzie in Ma]

I turn of my data so I don't get email notifications at night, but with my family, I don't dare turn off texts or phone calls.  It might be an emergency.

I go to bed around 9:00.  I absolutely do not like to get texts or phone calls after that unless it is an emergency. 

[DawnM]

I turn mine off, unless my kids are not home, then I turn off texting but leave the ringer on.

 

But it just depends.  

 

I have friends who text me at 3am if they are up.  So it is on silence.

Edited April 10, 2017 by DawnM

[JFSinIL]

Since I have been very careful to not hand out my cell number to anyone not one of my  kids, or caregiver for my adult son with autism, I do not get late night texts unless a kid - usually my youngest - needs to text that she is staying out late etc., so I don't freak when I see she is not home during my middle of the night potty run.  EXCEPT for those annoying texts confirming some on-line purchase I made during the day - why do those things come hours later in the middle of the night?  Grrrrrrr.

 

The one time a few years back I had my phone off my other daughter woke me up at 3am to hand me HER phone - when no one else had answered CollegeMan ran her from the ER (he had taken a bad fall - broke his nose, concussion, etc.)    I will never have my phone off at night any longer.

Edited April 10, 2017 by JFSinIL

[marbel]

But can't you set your phone to just get calls from certain people???? I have the numbers of my children programmed to get through as well as my in-laws and my mom. Other than that, no one else should be calling me with an emergency.

NM. We were talking about texting, not calling.

Edited April 10, 2017 by marbel

[EmseB]

I have friends and family in all different time zones. My friends on the west coast are not being rude if they send a text at 8 p.m. and I've already gone to bed because it's 11 here.

 

The only phone I can control at 3 a.m. is my own phone.  So if I want someone to be able to contact me in an emergency but I also don't want to be awakened by every ding dang notification, I set up my phone accordingly.

 

The flip side is that if I know someone is sleeping or driving, I will not text them.  But it's pretty rare that I 100% know that to be the case and usually only applies to my husband, maybe my mom.

 

ETA: to answer the poll, by all means tell people not to text you that late. I don't think that will stop all texts at an hour you find to be inappropriate, but definitely be straightforward with people.

Edited April 10, 2017 by EmseB

[Seasider]

You can set your phone so that only certain numbers get through. That is what I do. We go to bed at 9pm. I often have texts waiting for me when I awake at 4:30am. Doesn't bother me. I obviously don't send late texts (: However, my children can get through if they need to. I have their numbers programmed that way.

True, yet as others have pointed out, you can't always predict the number from which an emergency call will come.

[SKL]

Well, to be diffcult - I hate getting texts during work hours or when I'm doing stuff with my kids.  Especially work hours.  (It makes my bosses think I have a personal life - HA!)  I would rather get them after 9pm.  So the fact is that you can't please everyone.  If I don't want to hear dings during work, I have options.  I don't expect everyone on the planet to know my preferences.

Edited April 10, 2017 by SKL

[SKL]

But a text seems more direct - and is the most likely method of me hearing from a young adult child of mine in trouble in the wee hours. So (to me at least) an email is MUCH easier to ignore. Eleven pm text, not so much.

 

If my young adult child is in trouble, I hope she would call first, then text if she could not get a hold of me.  If she sent me a text and I did not answer it, I hope she would call me.  In a serious emergency I hope she would call 911.  If needing a ride while I'm sleeping, I hope she would call a taxi.  :)

 

If my kids' safety depends on me reading their texts at all hours, we're in trouble ....

[KungFuPanda]

I HAD to vote in the second part, but none of the options are good. You don't silence your phone. You set it not to receive texts except during specified hours. My texts have sleeping hours for most people, but texts from dd or DH will always come through.

[poppy]

I am having a disagreement with a friend.  I commented to her about how rude I though someone (not a friend, barely an acquaintance) was about responding to a group text at almost 11pm.  We have had this discussion before when I have asked her not to text me late at night. 

 

Her response was that a text is like an email.  People should be allowed to send them wheneven they think of it, and if I don't like it binging, I should silence my phone at night.  Because if people have to wait till 'special hours' to send it, they may forget all about it.  And that I "am the only person she knows that doesn't do that!"  And that if I can't be bothered to do that I should not call someone else rude for texting me at 11pm.

 

My take on it is that in polite society, you don't call, or text people after 9pm unless it is an emergency. (With exception of the friends/family you know you can talk to at that time of night.)  And that I should not have to alter my phone, because a  text is the same as phone call.  If I wouldn't call you at that hour, I wouldn't text you either.

 

I have had emergency calls in the middle of the night so I am against turning off my phone.  But she is making a big deal that it is all my problem and that I am the rude one to ask people to not text that late.

 

  Seriously?  Just how stupid are these people?? These fools DO have options.  Write it down.  Set a phone reminder if you'll forget.  Schedule a text.  Good lord.

[KungFuPanda]

Why do they have to? Someone has to set up call and text blocking so you don't have to be concerned about rude middle of the night texting?

Why shouldn't I be able to expect you and others to not call or text unless it is an emergency? Why is it my responsibility to protect myself from you. Why can't you stop yourself from texting when I'm sleeping? Why can't I expect you to stop yourself. If you wouldn't knock on my door to tell me my tulips look amazing, then it's not time to text and say you are bringing potato salad to the swim team party.

 

(You is generalized here, it does not specifically mean the person I quoted)

I think texting has evolved and you have not. There was a time when all of this would have been reasonable and true, but texting has changed. It's gone from more like a phone call to replacing email. If most of your texts come from people who are middle aged and older plus your own kids, you might not have noticed the switch.

 

It just makes more sense to set up your own do-not-disturb hours on your device than it does to expect anyone to memorize your personal sleep schedule. I think you're just going to become increasingly annoyed as the older demographic starts using texting the way the young adults use it now.

[SKL]

I think people need to stop thinking in terms of "normal sleeping hours."  Sleeping/quiet hours are different for all of us.

 

I should note that I don't text often at all.  I don't text just for lame BS, and I also don't text for real emergencies.  If I was sending you texts every night at 1am, I could see you being annoyed.

[SKL]

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults.  I am curious.  How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

[marbel]

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults. I am curious. How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

I think somewhere calling got mixed in. I got caught up in it myself. I would not anticipate texts in a true emergency. Hospital or cops are not going to text to tell me my kid has been in an accident. I have received texts of a rather urgent nature from time to time, from the phone of my kid's friend, when my kid's phone was not working. But if I had not responded they would have called.

[SKL]

This reminds me of why I almost never call my mom.  You can't call her when she might be asleep (which varies depending on her sleep issues that week).  If you do, my dad will answer and chew you out.  You can't call her when she's watching or listening to certain "shows," which take up several hours every day.  You shouldn't disturb her while she's trying to enjoy a hot meal.  And any other time you call, you are probably disturbing her in the most suspenseful part of her audiobook.  Or she already has a headache from your sister who just called her with all her life problems.  :P

 

I love you mom.  Truly I do.

[Prairie~Phlox]

I have my phone on do not disturb, it's not that hard to figure out and no, I don't think it's rude to get a text late, sometimes people remember something and that's when they send it.  I will often send a text late to a friend that I know doesn't care or someone that also has theirs on DND.  People need to get over it and learn how to use theirs phones or if it bothers them, don't sleep right next to your phone.

[KathyBC]

I turn my phone off when I go to bed. I turn it on and reply to texts when I get up - this means you may get a response from me at 4:30 a.m., so hopefully the sender does the same!

 

I have an actual landline for emergencies.

[unsinkable]

Someone mentioned an older thread

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/557641-do-you-expect-others-to-have-their-phone-on-do-not-disturb-mode-at-night/

[EKS]

I can't imagine someone thinking that sending a text in an emergency was a good idea.

 

Everyone who knows me (who would think of me being a person to contact in an emergency) knows that they should try the house phone first followed by my cell phone (the actual phone part) if it is really an emergency.

[KarenC]

I have a do not disturb option on my phone.  I set it for 10:00 pm, but I can allow certain numbers through anyway.

[Wheres Toto]

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults.  I am curious.  How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

 

Where a phone call is not possible?  Never.  I can't really think of a situation where a text is possible but a phone call is not.  Maybe a poor signal  ?

 

My oldest was out quite a bit on weekend nights in high school, and lived on campus for college. Especially in college, I would receive the occasional late night text because she didn't realize what time it was but if something was truly important, she would call.

 

If she was out when she was still living at home, I'd leave my phone by my bed/texting on so she could text if she was staying out later or needed a ride for some reason or whatever.  Once she was in college, I didn't need to know her every move but if there was an emergency, she would call.   

 

Since nobody except emergencies calls in the middle of the night, if I receive a call in the middle of the night I would answer, regardless of what number it comes from.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults.  I am curious.  How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

Teens text.  It is their default mode of communication.  It is what I can most reliably count on for them to use. 

 

I am one of those people who has received crisis texts after my bed-time.  1.  I have a teen who has a great group of friends.  But she was in a situation where an uninvited person was creating a problem and it was safest to text.  She has on occasion has to use someone else's phone because her phone wasn't working (out of battery, got wet, not on her person at the time of the text.)

2.  I have a young adult with mental illness who keeps late hours and is often in parts of the city where cops aren't Sheriff Taylor, but more likely to see a phone call as disrespect and get out the billy club (or gun if my child were a person of color.)  Texting can be done much more surreptitiously.

 

I would rather err on the side of caution by allowing texts from strangers to get through rather than miss an important one. 

I think somewhere calling got mixed in. I got caught up in it myself. I would not anticipate texts in a true emergency. Hospital or cops are not going to text to tell me my kid has been in an accident. I have received texts of a rather urgent nature from time to time, from the phone of my kid's friend, when my kid's phone was not working. But if I had not responded they would have called.

I don't want to rely on them having the ability to call back.  If it is of an urgent nature, they may get one shot. 

 

I have my phone on do not disturb, it's not that hard to figure out and no, I don't think it's rude to get a text late, sometimes people remember something and that's when they send it.  I will often send a text late to a friend that I know doesn't care or someone that also has theirs on DND.  People need to get over it and learn how to use theirs phones or if it bothers them, don't sleep right next to your phone.

Those of us who need to keep texting notifications on are not stupid Luddites who are too dumb to be allowed to have phones.  I know more about how phones work than many teens.  But, I have teens who stay out past my bedtime and they text and sometimes not from their phone.  I have a young adult with mental illness who goes out and, if there is a problem, I may get a text from an acquaintance that I do not know and would not have their phone number in my "acceptable" people list.  Just because you want to respond to a non-emergency text whenever you feel like it does not mean that it won't disturb people.  I get very little sleep due to worry. 

 

I walk a very fine line with my adult child with mental illness ... since K is an adult, I have very limited means to make my child comply with the advice of professionals.  My best option for keeping K safe (and for keeping others safe from K) is to keep the relationship non-combative. I have to use my mom-currency very sparingly in order to keep me in the loop.  I hope you never have to live this hell.  

[SKL]

I understand that teens text.  But if you tell them that your texts are off at night and to please call you in an emergency, they can do that, with extremely rare exceptions.

 

If my kids get stopped by the cops, I don't need to know in that instant.  It can wait until after the cop drives away, or after the kid comes home.

[zoobie]

If our phones rings, we wake up. If they bing, we wake up, if they vibrate, we wake up. If you ring the doorbell, we wake up. And my husband's phone must be on at all times. AF rules. He gets a recall and he doesn't answer, there is trouble. He has seen it.

 

I did not want a JAWM. But I am somewhat shocked that this many people think it is okay. I still think it is rude and honestly self centered. I often think of things late at night. If I have my phone to text, I can email just as easily. (Let's not get into the not everyone had smart phones argument).

 

And honestly, the people that I have dealt with IRL who do send texts that late are pretty self centered and it is all about them. So that is probably a basis for my feelings on this.

Can he get a separate phone for work contacts? The personal one can all be set to DND. That's how people I know who must be on call have done it. There's probably a way now to have both in one device, but I'm not that tech savvy. (Google voice for personal?) If his emergency calls are all from one number, you can set special rules for it.

 

Texts are an evolving form of communication. Initially, people would have erred more on the phone call side of things. Now they're assumed to be unobtrusive because it's easy to set them that way.

[Riverland]

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults.  I am curious.  How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

 

Well, just recently my phone decided it would no longer be a phone for awhile. It would send/receive texts. But it would not place/receive calls. That lasted about 1/2 a day, then it decided to be fully functional again.

 

There are also definitely times when texting is better. After calling 911, ds texted me when someone was trying to break into the house. Texting is much better when you're not sure if someone is in your house and can hear you while you're trying to hide.

 

I will not, not, not put my phone on do not disturb. An emergency is an emergency. You have no idea when it will happen and what method (call or text) or who's phone (your family member, an emergency service, a good samaritan, etc) will be used. Batteries die. Phones break.

 

To me, texting after normal hours is rude. If you wouldn't call or knock on someone's door at that time, then you shouldn't be texting either.

[SKL]

Teens text.  It is their default mode of communication.  It is what I can most reliably count on for them to use. 

 

I am one of those people who has received crisis texts after my bed-time.  1.  I have a teen who has a great group of friends.  But she was in a situation where an uninvited person was creating a problem and it was safest to text.  She has on occasion has to use someone else's phone because her phone wasn't working (out of battery, got wet, not on her person at the time of the text.)

2.  I have a young adult with mental illness who keeps late hours and is often in parts of the city where cops aren't Sheriff Taylor, but more likely to see a phone call as disrespect and get out the billy club (or gun if my child were a person of color.)  Texting can be done much more surreptitiously.

 

I would rather err on the side of caution by allowing texts from strangers to get through rather than miss an important one. 

I don't want to rely on them having the ability to call back.  If it is of an urgent nature, they may get one shot. 

 

Those of us who need to keep texting notifications on are not stupid Luddites who are too dumb to be allowed to have phones.  I know more about how phones work than many teens.  But, I have teens who stay out past my bedtime and they text and sometimes not from their phone.  I have a young adult with mental illness who goes out and, if there is a problem, I may get a text from an acquaintance that I do not know and would not have their phone number in my "acceptable" people list.  Just because you want to respond to a non-emergency text whenever you feel like it does not mean that it won't disturb people.  I get very little sleep due to worry. 

 

I walk a very fine line with my adult child with mental illness ... since K is an adult, I have very limited means to make my child comply with the advice of professionals.  My best option for keeping K safe (and for keeping others safe from K) is to keep the relationship non-combative. I have to use my mom-currency very sparingly in order to keep me in the loop.  I hope you never have to live this hell.  

 

Sounds like you have a unique situation and needs.  I don't agree that it is realistic to expect everyone to know you have those limitations unless you tell them (obviously in a general way, i.e., please don't text me at night as I don't turn my texts off).  I get very few texts at night anyway, but if you have people who obnoxiously text you at all hours, you could either ask them to stop or put them individually on sleep at night.  I had my boss on sleep after 7pm for a long time.  :P

 

 

[SKL]

Does anyone think it's rude to interrupt people's work day with non-work texts?  I mean you wouldn't call people at work to talk about soccer snack duty, would you?  If texts are really like phone calls, then let's go all the way with it.

 

To me, texts are what you do when it is NOT appropriate to talk to the person "RIGHT NOW."  Unlike a phone call, the other person gets to decide when she is able to give it her attention.  The main difference for me between text & email is that with text, you don't need multiple contact info for the same person.  You need immediate contact, you call.  You have something that can wait, you text.  (For personal stuff, that is.  Work stuff, call or email.)

Edited April 10, 2017 by SKL

[MysteryJen]

I, like dirty ethel, need to keep my phone on for sadly similar reasons. However, I do not have a problem with people texting at all hours. People who don't text late at night will often send a super early morning text. I am not sure that a 5 am text is more polite than a 11 pm text. 

 

Use your phone to solve your problems. I text for non emergency things. I call in emergencies.

[Bluegoat]

More like emails.  People choose to have a noise for them on or off, and they will wait until later.  Which is how many people treat emails these days as well.

 

The fact of wanting the to be able to accept texts from certain people but not others isn't relevent IMO - it's wanting to have the cake and eat it.  You can choose not to accept texts or choose to do so, you can choose to have your kids call in an emergency or choose to hear texts you aren't interested in so you can get their texts.   

 

Sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons and choose.

[lailasmum]

It can be worth thoroughly looking through do not disturb settings because some have options like automatically allowing any number that rings twice within a time frame to sound so those unexpected emergency calls have a good chance of getting through.

 

 

 

Sent from my LG-H815 using Tapatalk

[SquirrellyMama]

I do view texts like phone calls, so I try not to send late texts. But... I did answer that you should just silence your phone. I know others do send late texts so I silence mine. I can silence just emails/texts, and leave my ringer on. 

 

I had someone get upset with me for sending a late email. I don't view emails like phone calls. Since he mentioned that he doesn't appreciate late emails I will remember, and not send them to him anymore.

 

One answer to those who claim they'll forget to send the message is scheduling messages. I can type out a text, and then schedule when it gets sent.

 

Kelly

[Laura Corin]

It can be worth thoroughly looking through do not disturb settings because some have options like automatically allowing any number that rings twice within a time frame to sound so those unexpected emergency calls have a good chance of getting through.

 

 

 

Sent from my LG-H815 using Tapatalk

Yes.  I have learned about this option from this thread, reset my phone and let my Husband know.  One of my children is highly likely to have borrowed a friend's phone to call in emergency.

[SporkUK]

Personally, I treat texts and messenger apps like email. With the schedules and available hours of the people I know varying so widely - many of them working nights or shifts - it would be practically impossible to apply a universal rule of manners that would work. But, other than my spouse, I don't text very much and he's used to waking up with a full inbox of random things I've thought of or wanted to talk to him about during the day while he's asleep.

 

If someone specially asked me not to during certain times I would respect that [though so far it's only been people asking me to send them while they sleep so they have them when they get up rather than going off while they do important things], but I'm not sure how I would be expected to know unless told. Maybe it's just my odd group of friends, but I don't really expect to know when people are sleeping or available unless I know them quite well which is why I send text messages in the first place unless asked to call which I would only do during certain times unless an emergency. With just the three adults living in this house, we all work and sleep on different schedules and all of those have changed a lot over the years. 

 

The only group chat I have is with a hobby group which is easy for me to turn their messages off when the night people get extra chatty.  I can see setting rules for a social group chat that fit most of the people, forgetful people like me could always message one of the people involved who is okay with it if we think we will forget rather than use a group chat for brain dumping to everyone. 

[gardenmom5]

Same. It's not the same as a landline that rings until someone picks up. My phone is on do not disturb twelve hours a day every day.

 

my landline hasn't rung and rung for years.  it goes to vm after five rings - just like my cell.

such nostalgia - I sent a card to a friend that we'd been friends since phones had cords . . .

 

  Seriously?  Just how stupid are these people?? These fools DO have options.  Write it down.  Set a phone reminder if you'll forget.  Schedule a text.  Good lord.

 

why they heck should I have to set a reminder to send a text?   texts are for when phone calls are inconvenient or untimely, to be read at leisure.   they've always been short and quick information sharing and not warranting the detail of an email.

 

If I'm doing a group text and someone doesn't want to be texted except at certain hours - they're not getting texted.

 

the one who texts the most got into texting during grad school - that was how everyone communicated to make sure the messages got out.  the messages could be read when it was convenient for the recipient.  I still get texts asking when is a good time to  call.  or "I'm driving to houston from _ to _ so that's a good time to call me".  and she does prefer  to actually talk to someone while she's long-distance driving because she stays awake and more alert.

 

I keep hearing about crisis texts from teens / young adults.  I am curious.  How many of you have, during your "sleeping hours," actually received true crisis texts from your kids in a situation where a phone call was not possible?

 

I've had very few true crises from teens/young-adults. (two car accidents) and they always called.

[Julie Smith]

 

Personally, I treat texts and messenger apps like email. With the schedules and available hours of the people I know varying so widely - many of them working nights or shifts - it would be practically impossible to apply a universal rule of manners that would work. But, other than my spouse, I don't text very much and he's used to waking up with a full inbox of random things I've thought of or wanted to talk to him about during the day while he's asleep.

 

I would sometimes send Dh a text or message on google hangouts (or some such thing). But he had it set up so anything I send to him, be it text, email, chat message would bring loudly, and sometimes bring continuously. So I told him he to turn off that or else I'll just stop messaging him. 

[catz]

I actually don't text that much so I would only late night or early morning text to a member of my immediate family and that would be unusual.  But we have a land line for emergencies.  I actually dock my phone on the main floor of my house and only have it up in my room at night if DH or one of my kids is out.  I still have most notifications shut down at night.  My oldest is 16 but does not have a license yet.

 

My DH has a friend that regularly texts late/early and DH docks his phone at night up in our room.  I blame DH!  Use those settings! 

 

If I need to talk to someone immediately, I call.  Or I might text and say expect a phone call and call within a minute.   I do think of texting more like e-mail.  It actually annoys me more when someone texts me and then gets huffy because I don't respond immediately.

[Julie Smith]

I don't text often. 

I have to pay 15 cents every text. 

[Seasider]

Does anyone think it's rude to interrupt people's work day with non-work texts? I mean you wouldn't call people at work to talk about soccer snack duty, would you? If texts are really like phone calls, then let's go all the way with it.

 

To me, texts are what you do when it is NOT appropriate to talk to the person "RIGHT NOW." Unlike a phone call, the other person gets to decide when she is able to give it her attention. The main difference for me between text & email is that with text, you don't need multiple contact info for the same person. You need immediate contact, you call. You have something that can wait, you text. (For personal stuff, that is. Work stuff, call or email.)

My personal guess is that even in a worknday, it's likely that the text will go unseen for a shorter period of time, as opposed to a 6-8 hour stretch of someone's overnight sleeping hours.

 

I try to avoid texting dh when I know he's got a meeting or conference call, or the kids when I know they're in class or likely to be driving.

 

What I don't do, ever, is send a nonemergency message (by text, email or phone) and expect an immediate response. So during/daylight work hours, at least I expect that I'm not waking you up from sound sleep. I am aware of those friends who are third shift workers. I don't keep track of nappers, but I do consider those who have little ones likely to be napping.

 

I think, to me, anyway, the issue continues to circle back to common courtesy. We live in a very self-centered world, but I think it's kinder to at lesser attempt to be other-oriented.

 

(And fwiw, I do believe there's a distinction between self-centered and self-preservation, but that's a topic for a different thread.)

[Farrar]

I think texts are like email. Any time is fine. I have a friend who replies to texts almost exclusively in the dead of night. It's kind of funny. However, I don't reply to texts late at night if I don't know the people reasonably well, just because there are a few people left who are still old-fashioned about this and haven't caught up to the technology yet.

[Pawz4me]

 

Those of us who need to keep texting notifications on are not stupid Luddites who are too dumb to be allowed to have phones.  I know more about how phones work than many teens. 

 

Yes.

 

It's rather surprising and disappointing to see this argument repeated by so many on a board devoted to education. It's really nothing more than an ad hominem attack. IMO it's fine if you (generic) don't agree with me. But don't try to imply or outright say that I'm stupid in order to support your position. If that's the best you can do . . . .

 

Many of us really do have very valid reasons for not being able to put our phones on DND or stop notifications from all numbers except just a few. We really do. Whether you (generic) want to believe it or not.

[maize]

I see texts as similar to emails.

 

Dh's siblings often do group texts, but they are scattered across numerous time zones (including Hawaii) and have such varied schedules that it would be truly preposterous to try to avoid texting when any one member if the group might be sleeping.

[Bluegoat]

There are many people who also feel the need keep their email notifications on.  Or even their FB ones. 

[SKL]

I would also note that for some people, a late-night text is the only way the other person is getting a response they can read tomorrow morning.  The last thing I have time for in the morning is texting.  I'm either sleeping later than you (I work into the wee hours), or I'm running around doing time-sensitive morning things, or both.  By the time I send a response, you are probably busy with your work or school day.  And you don't want to deal with my crabby self in the morning anyway.  If you really want my best attention, it's at night after my kids go to bed.  Sorry.  Sometimes I can carve out a little time when my kids are in evening classes, but you are probably having dinner or tucking your kids in at that time.

 

So if you insist on timing my texts, like I said earlier, you will probably have to wait a lot longer for my response.  You might not even get a response at all.

Edited April 10, 2017 by SKL

[lovinmyboys]

Yes.

 

It's rather surprising and disappointing to see this argument repeated by so many on a board devoted to education. It's really nothing more than an ad hominem attack. IMO it's fine if you (generic) don't agree with me. But don't try to imply or outright say that I'm stupid in order to support your position. If that's the best you can do . . . .

 

Many of us really do have very valid reasons for not being able to put our phones on DND or stop notifications from all numbers except just a few. We really do. Whether you (generic) want to believe it or not.

I understand that there are people who cannot turn off notifications because of their unique circumstances. However, with the way society is now, it isn't rude to text at random times. Of course, if you have asked someone not to text between 9pm and 9am and they still do, that is rude. But, at this point, I think people just need to accept that Susie is going to text at 11:30 that she will bring fruit salad to the picnic next week.