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Texts at late hours?


Renthead Mommy
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212 members have voted

  1. 1. So what is a text? Should it only be done during normal calling times?

    • A text is like a phone call. Unless it's an emergency, not after 9pm.
      87
    • A text is like an email. I can send them any time I wish. Doesn't matter who I'm sending it too.
      125
  2. 2. I don't want people texting me at 11pm if it is not an emergency.

    • I should silence my phone, possibly missing an emergency.
      90
    • I should suck it up because "I'm the only one."
      10
    • I should tell people please don't text me this late.
      112


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I am having a disagreement with a friend.  I commented to her about how rude I though someone (not a friend, barely an acquaintance) was about responding to a group text at almost 11pm.  We have had this discussion before when I have asked her not to text me late at night. 

 

Her response was that a text is like an email.  People should be allowed to send them wheneven they think of it, and if I don't like it binging, I should silence my phone at night.  Because if people have to wait till 'special hours' to send it, they may forget all about it.  And that I "am the only person she knows that doesn't do that!"  And that if I can't be bothered to do that I should not call someone else rude for texting me at 11pm.

 

My take on it is that in polite society, you don't call, or text people after 9pm unless it is an emergency. (With exception of the friends/family you know you can talk to at that time of night.)  And that I should not have to alter my phone, because a  text is the same as phone call.  If I wouldn't call you at that hour, I wouldn't text you either.

 

I have had emergency calls in the middle of the night so I am against turning off my phone.  But she is making a big deal that it is all my problem and that I am the rude one to ask people to not text that late.

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We had this conversation here maybe a year ago.  I thought the way your friend thinks.  People can set settings so that texts don't bing after a certain hour.  It was news to me that people generally get annoyed by late texts.  But I do know some people who get annoyed by ... pretty much all texts.  For them, because I know it bugs them, I would not send texts at odd hours.  But, then they can't get mad when I don't get back to them as fast as they would like.  :p  If your only reachable hours are the hours I'm at work or with my kids, well ....

 

But I think most of the board was with you - they did not want to change their settings, they wanted people to wait until tomorrow to send texts.  So now I only send late texts to people I know will not be annoyed.  (Yes, those people do exist.)

Edited by SKL
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I don't text past 9ish. I think it is respectful to understand that someone may not appreciate a text past that time. (Most people who know me well text me until 11ish because they know I'll be awake.)

 

I voted that I should tell people not to text me that late, but only because I had to vote and there's no Other. I've got my phone set to Do Not Disturb with family/emergency numbers set to ring through anyway. So I don't hear late texts/calls past 11 unless they're from someone who might call me in case of emergency.

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It depends on the text to me. If it is about canceling, time changing or in those kinda lines please text me asap. It might mean I get to sleep in or leave earlier.   If it is about the shirt that Suzy wore last week, save it. I have my phone to only accept texts/phone calls from certain people after 11pm.

 

A good friend and I text sometimes pretty late as we both have sleeping issues.  

Edited by itsheresomewhere
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I put my phone on do-not-disturb at night. So does everyone I know. If someone needs to reach you in an emergency then they can call you twice right after each other and it will bypass the do-not-disturb. I think that you can also set it so that certain numbers can reach you. With today's options I think the no texting after 9 rule is a bit old fashioned.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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There's someone who responds to our 4-H group texts late in the evening. I and the group got a text from her just past midnight the other day. I'm up until midnight usually, but I don't know the others are. I like to keep my ringer up in case of emergencies, and I would guess most others would too.

Edited by ifIonlyhadabrain
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I agree with your friend. You can change your settings so a text doesn't disturb you at night but you would still hear calls.

 

ETA: My mom goes to bed early but I often leave her texts late to see when she wakes up. She, in turn, wakes early and will send me a text to see whenever I roll out of bed.

Edited by Joker
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We had this conversation here maybe a year ago.  I thought the way your friend thinks.  People can set settings so that texts don't bing after a certain hour.  It was news to me that people generally get annoyed by late texts.  But I do know some people who get annoyed by ... pretty much all texts.  For them, because I know it bugs them, I would not send texts at odd hours.  But, then they can't get mad when I don't get back to them as fast as they would like.  :p  If your only reachable hours are the hours I'm at work or with my kids, well ....

 

But I think most of the board was with you - they did not want to change their settings, they wanted people to wait until tomorrow to send texts.  So now I only send late texts to people I know will not be annoyed.  (Yes, those people do exist.)

  

 

This.

 

 

 

I was shocked to read that most of the board thought it extremely rude.  I do stick by my "you are a grown up, silence your phone" statement I made last time.  If I knew *you* didn't like texts after a certain hour, then I would respect that, if I didn't know, well, all bets are off.   :p

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I agree with your friend. You can change your settings so a text doesn't disturb you at night but you would still hear calls.

 

ETA: My mom goes to bed early but I often leave her texts late to see when she wakes up. She, in turn, wakes early and will send me a text to see whenever I roll out of bed.

This is how I do it with my friends and family too. There's a big time difference between us. On an iPhone, you can literally go into settings>sounds> and set different tones (or none at all) for all manner of things from phone calls to text messages, FB posts and SMS messages.
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Someone with great search & link skills should link that old thread.

 

Texts =/= emails. Emails can be opened at the most convenient time for the recipient. Texts arrive immediately, not at the whim of the recipient, so they are more like a phone call. Thus I believe phone etiquette applies - no nonemergency calls from 9pm to 9am.

 

Those who suggest putting the phone on silent during those hours, I always wonder how many of you have teen drivers out past 9pm, or college kids, or husbands that travel. They are the only ones who I openly invite to text me at all hours. And believe me, I have two college kids who find midnight a great time for soul-baring text conversations.

 

But seriously, if you can do carpool duty two Thursdays from now, please wait until the sun is up to tell me! Even then, give me time to toss back at least one cup of joe. I'm looking at you, 630am friends of my dd who somehow have my number on their epic group chat (well, maybe not them, because that chat is priceless... just too early!).

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I always have text notifications turned off on my phone. I read and answer them at my convenience. Day Or night. Same goes for social media, emails, etc. I get info only when I choose to open the app or webpage. Because I do this, sometimes it's convenient for me to read and answer texts between 11 pm to midnight when the rest of my day has wound down.

 

The only "ringer"/notifications I have turned on is the actual phone part, so I can still be reached in an emergency.

 

It's up to us as individuals to make our technology work for us. By turning off notifications, I'm essentially always in "Do not disturb" mode, so I can concentrate on MY priorities. It keeps my stress levels down. Everyone who might need to reach me ASAP knows to call if it's important - even my teen and traveling husband.

Edited by fraidycat
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I can't answer you poll because....

 

a text isn't like a phone call, it isn't like an email.....it is a text. It is its own thing.

 

It is completely different. 

 

I wouldn't think twice about texting some people after it was too late to call....others, I would use the same guidelines.

I don't think of it like an email at all, aside from the fact that the person can read it at a later time. 

 

I wouldn't text someone after 9-10pm unless I knew they would be ok with it or know they don't sleep with  their phone.  I wouldn't email after 9-10 either, I would set my email to send It for me in the morning.  Lot of people have an alert on their phone, and I wouldn't want to be intrusive at that time of night.

Edited by Tap
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Someone with great search & link skills should link that old thread.

 

Texts =/= emails. Emails can be opened at the most convenient time for the recipient. Texts arrive immediately, not at the whim of the recipient, so they are more like a phone call. Thus I believe phone etiquette applies - no nonemergency calls from 9pm to 9am.

 

Those who suggest putting the phone on silent during those hours, I always wonder how many of you have teen drivers out past 9pm, or college kids, or husbands that travel. They are the only ones who I openly invite to text me at all hours. And believe me, I have two college kids who find midnight a great time for soul-baring text conversations.

 

But seriously, if you can do carpool duty two Thursdays from now, please wait until the sun is up to tell me! Even then, give me time to toss back at least one cup of joe. I'm looking at you, 630am friends of my dd who somehow have my number on their epic group chat (well, maybe not them, because that chat is priceless... just too early!).

Texts and emails arrive the same way, they can both be ignored.

They're different than phone calls.

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Texts and emails arrive the same way, they can both be ignored.

They're different than phone calls.

But a text seems more direct - and is the most likely method of me hearing from a young adult child of mine in trouble in the wee hours. So (to me at least) an email is MUCH easier to ignore. Eleven pm text, not so much.

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Imo, with cell phones one never knows if it's a good time for the person you're trying to reach so it's up to the phone's owner to deal with the noises it makes.

For real. Walk on into your nearest T-mobile, Verizon, Apple Store, etc and have them set it up the way you want it. It's free. Or commandeer a local teen/tween.

Edited by Sneezyone
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I treat texts like phone calls.  They seem more urgent.  It is the main way I keep tabs with my kids.  I don't put it on do-not-disturb because the texts or calls that would be the most urgent would come from numbers not familiar to me (police, hospital, etc.)  I have a difficult situation with my 20 year old and keep my phone on my nightstand.  I have had situations where I was very glad that I did not silence that phone because there was an important situation that arose at 2 am and I was informed from a number that I would not have had stored.  Dd has often texted me from someone else's phone when hers ran low on battery. 

 

 

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My grown kids text me stupid stuff at all hours so my texts are set to vibrate and my phone rings. I don't text my mom late because she refuses to silence her texts. I don't know why. Everyone else is fair game unless they tell me otherwise.

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I do know my Dh has his phone set up to deal with this.

 

Between a certain time, I think its 10pm ,and 8 pm, later on the weekend and holidays - Text messages don't make a noise. He also use to have it set up that my text messages would always make a noise,

 

So for him he doesn't care when text messages are sent.

 

For me I don't carry my phone around. When I am home it is plugged in and in a corner. I usually only check when I go out, and before piano lessons. I don't even know if it dings when I get a text, or if the volume is turned on. So I also don't care.

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But a text seems more direct - and is the most likely method of me hearing from a young adult child of mine in trouble in the wee hours. So (to me at least) an email is MUCH easier to ignore. Eleven pm text, not so much.

Hmm, I leave my phone upstairs during the day when I'm teaching so my kids know not to expect an answer to texts right away. If they were to need me at 2am, they'd know to call and wake me up.

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Imo, with cell phones one never knows if it's a good time for the person you're trying to reach so it's up to the phone's owner to deal with the noises it makes.

Yes.

 

And the fact that the only person we can truly control is ourselves. Judging others for "being rude" does nothing but put us in a bad mood.

 

I'm not even religious, but live each day by the Serenity Prayer. In all things, big and small. Every situation, my first question to myself is "what can I control here and what do I have to let go of my want/need to control?"

 

I can't control when it's convenient for others to communicate. I CAN control when it's covenient for me to receive that communication - so that's what I control.

 

For all you only daytime folks - that's a very inconvenient time for folks on night shift. Not everyone is up with the sun and down at dark.

Edited by fraidycat
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As for do not disturb functions, like someone above said, when I have gotten middle of the night emergecy phone calls/texts, they have either been from numbers I would not have in my phone, or people that aren't immediate family, so would have been on a dnd list.  Been there, lived that. 

 

My kid starts driving in a year.  He'll be out with friends.  Batteries die, phones get lost, stolen or dropped in water.  He's on the side of the road and I don't answer because he has to use his friend's phone?  The cop's phone? Something like that?  I don't think so....

 

 

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Hmm, I leave my phone upstairs during the day when I'm teaching so my kids know not to expect an answer to texts right away. If they were to need me at 2am, they'd know to call and wake me up.

They don't always contact me for true emergencies. Sometimes it's for "I can't decide what to do with my life" sorts of questions/discussions. For whatever reason, texting is a safe way for them to express some things that they are worrying about and causing them to lose sleep over. It doesn't happen often, but I have to say, those conversations are precious to me - that they would want to share deep thoughts with me, that they know by experience that I'll respond to their texts overnight (when they're in the middle of all the "feels"); it's important to me. The same conversation might not transpire in the middle of the night in a phone call, and I'd have a cranky husband because he likes his sleep!

 

Anyway, perhaps it's just a personal thing. I would adjust my settings so only certain numbers ring through, but as ethel notes above, true emergency calls are more likely to come from unstored origins such as a hospital or police station.

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As for do not disturb functions, like someone above said, when I have gotten middle of the night emergecy phone calls/texts, they have either been from numbers I would not have in my phone, or people that aren't immediate family, so would have been on a dnd list. Been there, lived that.

 

My kid starts driving in a year. He'll be out with friends. Batteries die, phones get lost, stolen or dropped in water. He's on the side of the road and I don't answer because he has to use his friend's phone? The cop's phone? Something like that? I don't think so....

But you don't have to put the phone in "do not disturb" mode. You just turn off the notifications you do not want. Keep the ringer on the phone turned on, turn everything else off. It's really not hard. At all.

 

If you wanted a JAWM, you should've said so. There is no "turn text notifications off" poll choice so DND was the closest option to choose from.

Edited by fraidycat
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I'm with your friend, though not because I think somebody may "forget." I just don't think a text is a big deal. My phone "bings" with new e-mails, too. 

Most people get "bings" for social media as well. I think that if it bothered the majority of people, they wouldn't have alerts on their phones for such things.

 

You can silence alerts for things like social media, e-mail, etc. Can't you for texts? 

 

With that said, the majority of those I know text, PM, etc. at any and all hours. I don't mind at all receiving calls from friends at any hour as well. Typically, if a friend or family member is calling me late at night, it's because they need me. Perhaps the only need is that they're lonely because their DH is out of town or something similar, but it doesn't matter to me.

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They don't always contact me for true emergencies. Sometimes it's for "I can't decide what to do with my life" sorts of questions/discussions. For whatever reason, texting is a safe way for them to express some things that they are worrying about and causing them to lose sleep over. It doesn't happen often, but I have to say, those conversations are precious to me - that they would want to share deep thoughts with me, that they know by experience that I'll respond to their texts overnight (when they're in the middle of all the "feels"); it's important to me. The same conversation might not transpire in the middle of the night in a phone call, and I'd have a cranky husband because he likes his sleep!

 

Anyway, perhaps it's just a personal thing. I would adjust my settings so only certain numbers ring through, but as ethel notes above, true emergency calls are more likely to come from unstored origins such as a hospital or police station.

I get it. My middle of the night texts are usually something along the lines of gloating because she's ahead on the Fitbit leaderboard or a cute puppy video. I get those soul searching texts too, but they know they may not get an answer in real time. Sometimes I think just putting it out there helps. Different folks have different styles, I guess.

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As for do not disturb functions, like someone above said, when I have gotten middle of the night emergecy phone calls/texts, they have either been from numbers I would not have in my phone, or people that aren't immediate family, so would have been on a dnd list. Been there, lived that.

 

My kid starts driving in a year. He'll be out with friends. Batteries die, phones get lost, stolen or dropped in water. He's on the side of the road and I don't answer because he has to use his friend's phone? The cop's phone? Something like that? I don't think so....

No you can just go into sounds and set texts to vibrate and leave the sound on for all calls/

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I put my phone on do-not-disturb at night. So does everyone I know. If someone needs to reach you in an emergency then they can call you twice right after each other and it will bypass the do-not-disturb. I think that you can also set it so that certain numbers can reach you. With today's options I think the no texting after 9 rule is a bit old fashioned.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I use the technology to make myself available when I want to. I'm a high tech Luddite if that makes any sense.

 

I leave texting open for a couple of people who, like me, have insomnia. If I'm awake I can Ping them and if they are awake, they ping me or ping me back. We've had some very entertaining text conversations in the middle of the night. I got the Marital Scowl at about 4 am a few weeks ago, for giggling too much.

 

Use technology to solve the problems technology creates. And know what you want out of it

 

I hardly ever have the ringer or dinger on, even in the day. I. check in when I want to and return calls, mails and texts on my schedule.

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If our phones rings, we wake up. If they bing, we wake up, if they vibrate, we wake up. If you ring the doorbell, we wake up. And my husband's phone must be on at all times. AF rules. He gets a recall and he doesn't answer, there is trouble. He has seen it.

 

I did not want a JAWM. But I am somewhat shocked that this many people think it is okay. I still think it is rude and honestly self centered. I often think of things late at night. If I have my phone to text, I can email just as easily. (Let's not get into the not everyone had smart phones argument).

 

And honestly, the people that I have dealt with IRL who do send texts that late are pretty self centered and it is all about them. So that is probably a basis for my feelings on this.

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my phone has separate volume controls for texts, phone calls, media, etc. it's not a big deal to silence the text/emails notification (and it dings for email too) and still have the  phone on.

in my family we may send texts that late because we're in different time zones and that's when we're "working".   some are far more likely to see a text than an email.

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If our phones rings, we wake up. If they bing, we wake up, if they vibrate, we wake up. If you ring the doorbell, we wake up. And my husband's phone must be on at all times. AF rules. He gets a recall and he doesn't answer, there is trouble. He has seen it.

 

I did not want a JAWM. But I am somewhat shocked that this many people think it is okay. I still think it is rude and honestly self centered. I often think of things late at night. If I have my phone to text, I can email just as easily. (Let's not get into the not everyone had smart phones argument).

 

And honestly, the people that I have dealt with IRL who do send texts that late are pretty self centered and it is all about them. So that is probably a basis for my feelings on this.

 

My mom has her phone set to ding for emails but not texts. I don't know why but that is why I always text her and rarely email her. It doesn't make sense to assume everyone is on the same page with this. 

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It's YOUR choice to have your phone ring, bing, or vibrate. You can turn all of those off. Obviously you already have to some extent, because emails can ring, bing, and vibrate, too - essentially being just as "annoying" as a text.

 

If you just want to sit and judge people, go ahead. (This is the vibe I'm getting with all of your excuses and escalations - doorbells really having nothing to do with texts. And military recalls are calls, not texts.)

 

If you want to fix what bothers you about being disturbed by late night text messages, the steps are outlined for you above. You want know what I find self-centered? Expecting everyone else to adhere to your idea of "proper" text message protocol. It's kind of a two-way street, this judgement thing.

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I really think you can set your phones the way you want them. Dh is a military reservist and they gave him a phone. People do text/email/call him on that for military stuff. He set it so it works for him. He also is on call 24/7 for his civilian job. He has a different phone for that. He has all kinds of things that ding on that one. He turns everything off but the ringer. People know to call if they really need him. Dh also has his personal phone. I believe his phones are an iPhone, blackberry, and Samsung galaxy. He has set them all to not disturb us during sleep, but people can still get ahold of us in an emergency. We sleep with four phones in our room (mine, dh's personal phone, dh's work phone, dh's military phone) and I don't recall getting woken up for something that shouldn't have woken me up. And I don't think Dh has missed any important middle of the night info.

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I'm of the opinion that it is the obligation of the person with the phone to adjust the ringer to their personal preference. It doesn't ever require missing important calls.

 

For Apple devices, there’s a Do Not Disturb feature built right into iOS 10. Simply schedule the hours you don’t want to be disturbed, and you won’t hear a peep (except your alarm; that will always sound). You can allow calls from specific people regardless of the hour and enable calls to ring through if there’s a second call from the same person within three minutes. You can find Do Not Disturb by swiping up from the bottom of your phone or by going to Settings > Do Not Disturb. If you want only certain people to be able to get through, you can go to Contacts > Select the contact you want let through > Edit > Ringtone. On the ringtone page you can toggle on Emergency Bypass.

 

Android users with phones running Lollipop 5.0 or later come with a feature called Do Not Disturb, accessed through the phone’s device settings > sounds and notifications. With Do Not Disturb, you can schedule hours when you won’t accept calls or notifications and allow your contacts or "Favorite" contacts to reach you any time. If you want to hand-pick contacts to be able to reach you, try Nights Keeper (Free on Google Play). For the same functionality on older Android devices, try the Agent app (free on Google Play).

 

For Android phones running Marshmallow 6.0 or later, you get more control. You can set you phone to be silent when you have a calendar appointment, set Do Not Disturb for a specific time period and set your own rules for times and days when you don't want to be interrupted.

 

Source: http://www.techlicious.com/how-to/how-to-make-your-smartphone-smarter/

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I am also in the minority apparently, I think it's rude.

I do not think that keeping regular sleeping hours free of texting - sans emergency - is too much to ask.

If they need to remember something, type themselves an alarmed reminder and copy/send in reasonable hours.

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I treat texts like phone calls.  They seem more urgent.  It is the main way I keep tabs with my kids.  I don't put it on do-not-disturb because the texts or calls that would be the most urgent would come from numbers not familiar to me (police, hospital, etc.)  I have a difficult situation with my 20 year old and keep my phone on my nightstand.  I have had situations where I was very glad that I did not silence that phone because there was an important situation that arose at 2 am and I was informed from a number that I would not have had stored.  Dd has often texted me from someone else's phone when hers ran low on battery. 

 

 

As for do not disturb functions, like someone above said, when I have gotten middle of the night emergecy phone calls/texts, they have either been from numbers I would not have in my phone, or people that aren't immediate family, so would have been on a dnd list.  Been there, lived that. 

 

My kid starts driving in a year.  He'll be out with friends.  Batteries die, phones get lost, stolen or dropped in water.  He's on the side of the road and I don't answer because he has to use his friend's phone?  The cop's phone? Something like that?  I don't think so....

 

 

I agree with these.  You don't really know what number an emergency text or call will come from.  I'm one of those people who has a life that is full of people with real crises (that aren't carpool notifications), so I only want texts or calls to come into my phone at night when they are a true emergency.  People who live in that reality also tend to get very little sleep, so are very protective of it.

 

I do think it is rude, but then being southern raised, I think lots of things are rude that are common behavior.  I get up early and do most of my replies between 3am and 5am.  I would never consider texting people in those hours.  I always use e-mail or facebook messages (if I know the person doesn't get instant notifications on that).

 

I cope a couple of ways:

I give very few people my cell number.  Others have to e-mail, or call or text the google number which goes to e-mail.

If someone does text me off hours, I set their texts to do not disturb (or no noise).  Usually they never get set back, so I see their texts when i see them.

Fortunately most people do understand and are kind enough to not text me during the night when I mention it.  The truth is if ANY of these people had a middle-of-the-night emergency, we'd be there, so I guess it might be to their benefit to not abuse that.

Edited by Joules
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It is really not that hard to turn off text notifications. Really. Phone calls (which are typically what one receives in an emergency) can still ring through. DH has yet to receive an emergency text. In emergencies, people generally need to speak and explain. This seems like an issue of operator error more than etiquette. You may also want to take a few moments to familiarise yourself with how to allow emergency personnel to access your phone to contact relatives w/o needing a password or fingerprint. That, too, is in the settings.

Edited by Sneezyone
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Do people typically text in an emergency? I have not yet had very many real emergencies in my life, but ime people call. When my neighbor went into labor in the middle of the night she called me. When my grandpa died, my aunt called. When my son wanted to come home from a sleepover, the host called. If Dh is urgently needed for work or the military, they call. I am not sure why turning off texts in the middle of the night is not a solution.

 

I understand everyone's situation is different. However, we live in a global 24/7 society now. I don't know that it is fair to characterize texting at a certain time as rude.

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Not everyone silences their phone. So I don't think texting at 11 pm is a good idea.

 

My boss puts his phone on silent between 11 and 6:30. I recently found out that he programmed his phone to accept and sound for calls and texts from a few people during those hours. I'm one of those people. Basically it better be an emergency if I send a text in the night. I am someone would have access to emergency info, but everything is not an emergency so random response to a group text including those core people is a bad idea.

 

Another boss I have was just telling me about a teen employee who texted her at 2 am regarding something that was was going to happen in a few days (not emergency). This boss doesn't shut her phone off due to a lot of family issues. She was not happy with the young employee.

 

Anyway, I'm not going to count on everyone having their phone programmed. I will wait to text during times when that person could be expected to be awake.

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Same response I had last time --

 

It's just as rude to text late as it is to call late. Rude, rude, rude.

 

Yes, I could adjust the notification on my phone.

 

And risk missing a hospital call if one of my boys were in a wreck.

 

I'm sure not going to rely on a hospital calling twice in order to bypass DND.

 

Or one of their friends texting for a not true emergency but maybe my kid is sick or has a broken bone or something like that.

 

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to selectively silence their phone. DH periodically has to be on call. He could be contacted from many, many numbers and it could be via a text or a phone call.

 

ETA: I'm always a little surprised when this topic comes up. All of our friends/family/acquaintances apparently realize it's incredibly rude to text someone late (or very early), so it's just not an issue for us. It always surprises me to be reminded there are people who actually do it.

Edited by Pawz4me
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I put my phone on do-not-disturb at night. So does everyone I know. If someone needs to reach you in an emergency then they can call you twice right after each other and it will bypass the do-not-disturb. I think that you can also set it so that certain numbers can reach you. With today's options I think the no texting after 9 rule is a bit old fashioned.

 

 

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Same. It's not the same as a landline that rings until someone picks up. My phone is on do not disturb twelve hours a day every day.

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I am amazed that folks STILL don't seem to grasp that you don't have to block all calls or all texts or even use do not disturb. The options aren't this or that. Google the operational settings available and use them. It's no different than setting up social media/parent blocking features for kids' devices. Parents that choose not to use those features shouldn't complain that unfettered access to their kids is available in the same vein as folks who don't use the notification restrictions on their phones shouldn't be complaining when notifications come through.

Edited by Sneezyone
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I didn't vote because I don't have an across the board answer.

 

I tend to go to sleep on the early side, so I accept that I'm a little out of sync with a lot of people. My sister will sometimes shoot a text closer to 10, but I don't hear it half the time.  If someone texts me at 1am, there's no way I'm hearing it, unless it's repeated dings.

 

I think group texts are of the devil, and I silence those as soon as I get them.  It's not the original text that bothers me.  "Practice for tomorrow is moved to 6pm" is obviously easier to send to a group than 15 individuals.  I DON'T NEED TO SEE OR HERE 15 INDIVIDUAL "Got it"s.  Ever.  Whether it's midnight or noon.

 

All that said, I feel guilty for responding to FB messages and page posts at 5am, because so many people get phone notifications.  But that's often when I'm best able to take care of those communications. Sometimes I try to hold off, but then I forget to go back to them at a more reasonable hour.

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I am amazed that folks STILL don't seem to grasp that you don't have to block all calls or all texts or even use do not disturb. The options aren't this or that. Google the operational settings available and use them. It's no different than setting up social media/parent blocking features for kids' devices. Parents that choose not to use those features shouldn't complain that unfettered access to their kids is available in the same vein as folks who don't use the notification restrictions on their phones shouldn't be complaining when notifications come through.

Why do they have to? Someone has to set up call and text blocking so you don't have to be concerned about rude middle of the night texting?

Why shouldn't I be able to expect you and others to not call or text unless it is an emergency? Why is it my responsibility to protect myself from you. Why can't you stop yourself from texting when I'm sleeping? Why can't I expect you to stop yourself. If you wouldn't knock on my door to tell me my tulips look amazing, then it's not time to text and say you are bringing potato salad to the swim team party.

 

(You is generalized here, it does not specifically mean the person I quoted)

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I am amazed that folks STILL don't seem to grasp that you don't have to block all calls or all texts or even use do not disturb. 

 

I get how my phone works.  I think what you are missing is that some people get crisis texts (particularly from teens, because sometimes it's safer to text than talk), and sometimes they come from an unknown number.  So to be sure those calls or texts get through, ALL calls and and texts must be let through on the settings.  The only technology option is to block those specific individuals who text in the middle of the night, and if it's a reply to a group text, you may not even know the person ahead of time to have known to block them.  It's a one by one method.

 

It's totally great that you don't have those kinds of stressors in your life, but those who do are often sleep-deprived and usually can't go back to sleep after a text about carpool.  Honestly, the people in my life are understanding, so it's not much of a problem for me, but I really feel for those who aren't so lucky.  

 

Rather than saying it is rude to text during the night, maybe I should say the people in my life are particularly polite and kind to take my needs into consideration.  Before these threads, I never thought of it as rude.  I just figured people just didn't think through what they were doing.  In other words, they would be considerate if they knew.  

Edited by Joules
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