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Everything posted by IfIOnly

  1. Meal plan. I plan 6 meals weekly: chicken, pork, beef, Asian, Mexican, Pizza. Sunday is potluck. No dressers. Clothes in closets. Shirts and pants hung up. I don't fold anything really but towels, I think. Washcloths get thrown in a basket in the linen closet. I don't fold underwear either. All of my guys wear the same size socks now. I buy a boatload of Costco socks, one winter and one summer kind, wash, dry, put them in a large laundry basket on top the dryer for people to grab when needed. Edit: I do not have laundry days but mostly each day wash all of the laundry from the day before. Exception is delicates. I wait til there's a load to do.
  2. No, not right now. There are some obstacles to this. Maybe in the future.
  3. Yes, thank you. I won't be using my pay for bills or anything. Saving generally for now or possibly for Christian school tuition for the kids. At least for the high schoolers. I'm putting my work availability from 2 pm on for now. Weekends are more flexible. DH works from home and can do the afternoon, evening shift
  4. I applied for a job today. I haven't worked outside the home in 20 years. I haven't known what to say. DH seems to have taken to heart the counsel and has stopped the abusive language. He's really never had people call him in stuff and seems to be responding. I just don't know what to make if it and am just waiting and watching. There's still the narcissism though and mental illness and it sucks and is hard. It's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who is incapable. Hopefully working will give me space and a break from the crazy and then I can go from there with what I want and am able to do. Did I say it's hard? It's exhausting.
  5. Just visited our Del Taco today, and they have a sign saying they are only open from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. now. I asked about it in the Drive-Thru and they said they can't get any workers. It's really sad for the businesses who were struggling due to covid and now continue to struggle due to covid relief checks. 😞
  6. We were there until 12:30 last night and I was up with a puking kid the night before. I'm so very tired, physically and emotionally. It went really well. They showed a lot of love, care, and support for our family, yet didn't tiptoe around things that were harming our family. His abusive behavior to us was confronted but not his delusions/mental health. I'm still processing it all. Too tired to think about a next step right now, but I feel safe as I consider it.
  7. Thank you. I changed it.
  8. We just moved and I have no idea where documents are. I have a car. Will work on gathering stuff just in case. I really don't know what to expect tonight. This could go many ways. Edit: I really do not think my husband would physically hurt us though.
  9. We do not have guns. Thank you.
  10. My oldest believes I am the problem. It's a very narcissist thing that happens with kids. My husband has said he is bringing him... because he wants a witness against me, I truly believe. I'm glad the things I've been communicating to him will also be heard by him from others tonight.
  11. I understand. They are trying though. I'm grateful for their reaching out the best they can.
  12. Thank you. I don't think it would be wise to mention leaving either, especially considering the subject matter.
  13. I just got a call from our church leadership. I guess my son called one of them after my husband told him he wasn't saved. I found out his meeting is coming from them and not my husband. This is not a counseling meeting or confront IfIOnly meeting. They are confronting his abusive behavior. They have been waiting for a time to do this, I was told. I'm so, so grateful to have their support. And that I put my foot down to churches that were harming us instead of helping us. Edit: they asked me to come but did not insist. I am going.
  14. I agree with either of those. His family has alluded to schizophrenia but never outright said anything. I haven't asked anyone about housing. We have a big family. I don't want to impose. Probably only my youngest two would go with me though. Oldest boys would probably want to stay with their dad. 😥 I wish their dad would leave, hit I doubt it. It's something I'm going to bring up tonight.
  15. So it wasn't that helpful. They will have a counselor call but there's a wait-list but not many resources unless I file for divorce. Housing is not really available either. Our conversation was cut short, so maybe there's more options she didn't get to.
  16. Okay, I will message you. Thank you very much ♥️
  17. I don't know what they're thinking.
  18. Hopefully his plans will backfire. That's what my BFs think will happen. I can only hope.
  19. I don't have to go, and if it was an unhealthy church, I wouldn't. But maybe I will get some help and support this time.
  20. It's not at our house, and my friends are picking me up.They weren't invited (or necessarily not wanted-well my husband doesn't want them there I know, I mean by others), but they're coming anyway.
  21. Adding: I told my husband I will no longer go to the churches he's attracted to after the elders questioning my salvation, and I have not. He's drawn to churches that are unhealthy
  22. My husband called the elders on me again. He says it's to help us, but it's always to set me straight. He has never gone when I'm at my wit's end with him or for his own faults and failings, only for mine. He has done this over and over again during our marriage We're all meeting tonight. It's so humiliating to have your worst out there. This church is the best we've been to and it's one of the leaders wives who told me she believes my husband is a narcissist. I think it will go better than last. The last time the church elders were led by my husband to question my salvation and lead me in the sinners prayer as I sobbed. My friends assure me this could be good to get things more out in the light and support for me. I've never had that outcome though.
  23. He's a legend in his own mind. It's going nowhere. He's at best a mediocre singer and his lyrics are cheesy, preachy, and just off base in several ways. Edit: his mom is funding and cheerleading the whole thing.
  24. I called the local DV hotline and got voicemail. Left a message. I called about a year ago but didn't get far and chickened out. They were really great though. I'm pretty sure they offer counseling. I think that's the best place to start and hopefully a plan and some clarification in my thoughts can start. I think this is a good step and it gives me some hope and calm. Ty.
  25. Everything just sucks and is so twisted right now. I feel hopeless.
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