Texts at late hours?

[poppy]

There are lots of articles around about the decreacing use of email. It's pretty widely accepted.

Yes. That's why Facebook messanger and Snapchat are so very common .

 

 

 

Oooh now I see it, it is the anti social media crowd that wants to turn text into a messaging app. I'd say that group is actually over represented here.

[LucyStoner]

I have gotten lots of Facebook party invites but not text yet....using texting because you can't reach people via email seems kind of low key harassing? Like, not a big deal, but ugh.

 

But it reminds me of the original post. If people can't text you at any given moment that is immediately convenient they will never remember to reply, apparently.

So now it's harassment to text people a link to something I know they would rather receive via text? I haven't emailed out an invitation in...a long time because it's just not how people in my circle communicate. I receive most invites in the mail or on social media, with a text link not being especially uncommon.

 

Harassment? Give me a break.

[regentrude]

I have gotten lots of Facebook party invites but not text yet....using texting because you can't reach people via email seems kind of low key harassing? Like, not a big deal, but ugh. 

 

I don't understand that.

Why is it harassing if somebody (to whom I have chosen to give my number) texts me?

I am still free to choose who gets to have my cell phone number, I am free to choose whether I want to receive texts from certain people, and I am free to choose whether I will take notice of these texts.

Edited April 10, 2017 by regentrude

[LucyStoner]

Yes. That's why Facebook messanger and Snapchat are so very common .

 

 

 

Oooh now I see it, it is the anti social media crowd that wants to turn text into a messaging app. I'd say that group is actually over represented here.

The only people I know IRL with your opinion are 45+, mostly closer to 60.

 

There may be a regional factor here too. At least 60% of the families I know have at least one person who works for or has moved onto various startups or their own endeavors from one of a handful of about 10 tech and phone companies (including phone design and manufacturing). The default here is that people make their phones and technology work for them, not that they label their friends as rude.

 

I'm not a big text person. I probably send 5-10 texts a day, and 80% of those are to 4 people (husband, son, niece, one of my brothers) who are allowed to contact me day and night. I rarely initiate group texts. I'm also not super into social media, but I use it to the extent it facilitates beneficial interactions and offline connections. I do understand communication though and that to reach people, you have to do it in different ways that work for different people.

 

Norms are changing, and your take on this seems unlikely to prevail as the social default a decade on from here. But if feeling superior to other people and labelling other people as rude suits you, have at it. I recall you being similarly rigidly inflexible about women who had the audacity to do their handiwork in civic meetings. If it's not your way, you just "can't believe" that other people feel differently.

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[SKL]

I have a sister who loathes both texts and phone calls.  They feel like nagging or unreasonable demands on her time or privacy.  I think getting that upset about an inanimate communication tool (that you can largely control) is a little extreme, but maybe I'm missing something.

 

Then again, conference calls give me heart palpitations, so maybe I need more empathy ....

[LucyStoner]

Well that I would not know.

 

I have as good a chance of getting a reply to an email as to a text, regardless of the age of the person. To me, that indicates that email is not dead, at least in my circles. I sometimes have rather lengthy announcements to send to groups, and they are much easier to do via email than text. I get the same level of response from young and old alike.

I do agree that the length and complexity of the communication influences if it's an email.

 

"Remember, the den meeting is tomorrow at 6:30 at blah church. Uniform is class B, bring your fishing pole materials" - this is mostly done via text.

 

"Here's the annual schedule for scouts this year....

 

We need volunteers to sign up for this...

 

Make sure you do blah by November 1st..." with several or more attachments. That's an email. And I won't see it except every other day.

 

When I worked FT I put the times that I checked email in my email signature so people got a sense of when they would get a response and when they needed to pick up the phone instead. Perhaps I will put that on my personal email: I check email on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday by 9am. 😂

[LucyStoner]

I have a sister who loathes both texts and phone calls. They feel like nagging or unreasonable demands on her time or privacy. I think getting that upset about an inanimate communication tool (that you can largely control) is a little extreme, but maybe I'm missing something.

I think that is maybe social anxiety of some form.

 

I have had times were I was off the grid and answered no email, texts or phone calls or where I am getting them but they feel like such an huge intrusion.m. Once, friends showed up on my doorstep to make sure I was still among the living. All of those times were when my depression or anxiety was really high and I needed to get some help.

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Bluegoat]

Yes. That's why Facebook messanger and Snapchat are so very common .

 

 

 

Oooh now I see it, it is the anti social media crowd that wants to turn text into a messaging app. I'd say that group is actually over represented here.

 

What?

 

I don't think people in general are using platforms with any kind of agenda. 

[Bluegoat]

I have a sister who loathes both texts and phone calls.  They feel like nagging or unreasonable demands on her time or privacy.  I think getting that upset about an inanimate communication tool (that you can largely control) is a little extreme, but maybe I'm missing something.

 

Then again, conference calls give me heart palpitations, so maybe I need more empathy ....

 

I do think communications can have the effect of creating a sense of obligation or even fractured time.

 

I had a university prof who refused for many years to get a phone.  He had a fax, when they became available.  He felt a phone interrupted the time he needed to work and think.

[LucyStoner]

What?

 

I don't think people in general are using platforms with any kind of agenda.

Yes, people go where other people are and have so many reasons for their preferences.

 

My SIL has arthritis and permanently damaged hands, I don't text her expecting a response. I call because she can more easily answer her phone/talk.

 

My brother HATES talking on the phone except to like three people (including me) so people generally learn to text him. He will respond to calls from other people by ignoring the call and texting them back. I am not even joking.

 

My other brother would like to talk to me on the phone but I've learned that I can't have any conversation with him that I can't prove happened in court so I literally only text him.

 

My MIL can't see more than the last text sent on her phone so I know to send her one text or picture, wait for a response and send her another picture or text. If I send 6 pictures of different kid stuff, she won't see the first five sent.

 

My father types his texts like he is composing a postcard message. "Dear Kate...Love, Dad"

 

The long and short of it is that different people communicate differently. Unless some one means to hurt my feelings or is somehow callous, I don't think it does me any good to label it at rude.

[EKS]

Keep in mind that the person contacting you in a true emergency may be a total stranger calling from a totally strange number (ie. police/hospital staff who have gotten your number as the emergency contact number somehow).

 

Hospitals or the police should know that texting is not exactly the most reliable form of communication.

[LucyStoner]

Hospitals or the police should know that texting is not exactly the most reliable form of communication.

Yes, I've only ever gotten phone calls from the police or hospital or CPS. Never texts. Because of my one of my brothers, my SIL and my niece and nephew I have received a number of emergency calls from unknown numbers late at night. If I get an urgent text from anyone, its most likely my niece asking me to come and get her and my nephew.

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

I rarely text late.

I have my phone settings such that texts won't disturb me.

 

I see them like email.

[regentrude]

When I worked FT I put the times that I checked email in my email signature so people got a sense of when they would get a response and when they needed to pick up the phone instead. Perhaps I will put that on my personal email: I check email on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday by 9am. 😂

 

may I ask a question: why do you check email only every other day?

 

My email program in on when the computer is on, which is when I am awake. It aggregates my work accounts and my primary personal account (not my junk account which I use for shopping and which is full of spam). So I don't have to go and check something somewhere, it just comes up on my screen. 

Edited April 10, 2017 by regentrude

[poppy]

The only people I know IRL with your opinion are 45+, mostly closer to 60.

 

There may be a regional factor here too. At least 60% of the families I know have at least one person who works for or has moved onto various startups or their own endeavors from one of a handful of about 10 tech and phone companies (including phone design and manufacturing). The default here is that people make their phones and technology work for them, not that they label their friends as rude.

 

I'm not a big text person. I probably send 5-10 texts a day, and 80% of those are to 4 people (husband, son, niece, one of my brothers) who are allowed to contact me day and night. I rarely initiate group texts. I'm also not super into social media, but I use it to the extent it facilitates beneficial interactions and offline connections. I do understand communication though and that to reach people, you have to do it in different ways that work for different people.

 

Norms are changing, and your take on this seems unlikely to prevail as the social default a decade on from here. But if feeling superior to other people and labelling other people as rude suits you, have at it. I recall you being similarly rigidly inflexible about women who had the audacity to do their handiwork in civic meetings. If it's not your way, you just "can't believe" that other people feel differently.

I am not 45+ . I am flattered you remember me from some post that's like 2+ years ago though ? That's a blast from the past (or I guess your intent is a slap? ) I'm not sure why my having an opinion is so unacceptable. Different strokes .

[poppy]

What?

 

I don't think people in general are using platforms with any kind of agenda.

Not agenda , more viewpoint . I get a lot of communication from family / friends / groups via FB private messaging. People who do not use FB would require different communication , and text is as common as Facebook ,so I could see it being the default alternative .

[luuknam]

I am not 45+ . I am flattered you remember me from some post that's like 2+ years ago though ? That's a blast from the past (or I guess your intent is a slap? ) I'm not sure why my having an opinion is so unacceptable. Different strokes .

 

 

Because it's apparently rude to think it's rude to text at 3am.

 

I graduated high school the same year as Katie's brother did, I guess (how has it been 15 years??? - and no, I wasn't 30+ when I graduated high school either).

[QueenCat]

My cell phone doesn't come in our bedroom at night. If you have an emergency after I go to bed, you better call the landline. I respond to texts as I have the time. If I have to start remembering what time I can't text certain people after, they might not get responses because I may have forgotten by the next morning. To not be bothered by texts when I don't want to read them, I do not get sound notifications when they arrive. I find it annoying to be in a group and have noises from phones constantly going off. Thankfully, irl, most seem to have turned off sound for these type of things.

[Bluegoat]

To me, for something to be rude, there needs to be a widely known and accepted social norm.  It's rude to call people past about 9 because many will be in bed and it will disturb them.  But - it isn't if you know the call will be with that person.

 

Since there seems to be so many differences in how people use texting and other internet communications, there isn't really a widely accepted norm, and it's difficult to know what others would prefer unless they tell you.

[Bluegoat]

Not agenda , more viewpoint . I get a lot of communication from family / friends / groups via FB private messaging. People who do not use FB would require different communication , and text is as common as Facebook ,so I could see it being the default alternative .

 

Ah, I see.

 

Well, I do see many people using messaging and texting interchangeably.  I have to use my dh's phone to text as I don't have a mobile, so I am not a big texter.  But my sister is an IT person who has a lot of techy friends, and they seem to use them all almost interchangeably.

[QueenCat]

Why do they have to? Someone has to set up call and text blocking so you don't have to be concerned about rude middle of the night texting?

Why shouldn't I be able to expect you and others to not call or text unless it is an emergency? Why is it my responsibility to protect myself from you. Why can't you stop yourself from texting when I'm sleeping? Why can't I expect you to stop yourself. If you wouldn't knock on my door to tell me my tulips look amazing, then it's not time to text and say you are bringing potato salad to the swim team party.

 

(You is generalized here, it does not specifically mean the person I quoted)

 

Simple: Not everyone is on the same schedule. For some, phone calls, etc are fine after 6am. For others, 8am, others 9am. At night, some don't want to be disturbed after 8, others 9, others 10, others don't care. Most phones are set up so the individual can choose when and from whom to receive notifications, etc when they don't want to receive them.

[luuknam]

My cell phone doesn't come in our bedroom at night. If you have an emergency after I go to bed, you better call the landline. 

 

Great that that works for you, but not everyone can afford to have a landline. Since people are commenting on the death of email, landlines and cable TV are way up there with it.

 

To me, for something to be rude, there needs to be a widely known and accepted social norm. 

 

 

The default is that texts make noise, so, the default would be just like any other noise you might make near someone else late at night... which is not phone specific - you don't put your stereo on loud at 3am either if you have neighbors anywhere nearby who might be asleep. 

 

As a side note, I still haven't been able to find a way to only have texts make noise for certain phone numbers, or between certain hours. So, it's just like a phone at least on my Note 2 - either I silence it altogether and might miss emergency calls/texts, or I have to hear stuff from anyone who might decide 3am is a swell time to text. 

 

ETA: In case that was unclear, I can choose whether to silence phone calls AND/OR texts... but the "just have texts automatically be silent after x hours for people not on your short list of important people" seems to be impossible.

Edited April 10, 2017 by luuknam

[Seasider]

The correlation that may appear is that older users are less tech savvy.

 

But ime, the older users have teens, new drivers, college students and medically fragile elders who may need to make emergency contact, or have contact made by strangers on their behalf. Many of you who are great with phone settings aren't quite in that position yet. That doesn't excuse us from learning, but please do be aware of it.

[QueenCat]

True, yet as others have pointed out, you can't always predict the number from which an emergency call will come.

 

So block texting after a certain hour, from everyone but those you really need to hear from. All the phone calls will still come through.

[Dmmetler]

I don't charge devices in my room, so if you need to call me in an emergency, you need to call the landline. That may change when DD is out on her own more-at 12, it's not an issue yet, although she does text when she's out walking, or if she is delayed or gets out of class early, etc.

 

FWIW, most of the folks I know who respond to texts late at night are parents of multiple kids and that's the first time they've had 5 dedicated minutes to sit down all day. I have one friend who I have gotten several texts obviously put in by voice where mid-way through she ended up texting whatever she was saying to one kid or another. The only way she gets to text more than about 3 words is to do so after the kids are in bed.

Edited April 10, 2017 by dmmetler

[Seasider]

So block texting after a certain hour, from everyone but those you really need to hear from. All the phone calls will still come through.

I hate sounding like I have a comeback for everything, but I have gotten 1am texts from teen via a friend's phone because his own battery died. I was glad to get the message it wasn't justbhis battery that had perished, seeing he was out much later than he'd originally told me he would be.

[Riverland]

The correlation that may appear is that older users are less tech savvy.

 

But ime, the older users have teens, new drivers, college students and medically fragile elders who may need to make emergency contact, or have contact made by strangers on their behalf.

Great point.

 

And those of us with teens, new drivers & college students could certainly get their help in setting up a dnd for texts if we needed or wanted. But I do not want that. Sometimes emergency contact is made by text. And sometimes it is made by non-family member's phone. No one can predict an emergency and how it will play out.

[regentrude]

Well, I do see many people using messaging and texting interchangeably.  I have to use my dh's phone to text as I don't have a mobile, so I am not a big texter.  But my sister is an IT person who has a lot of techy friends, and they seem to use them all almost interchangeably.

 

I don't see much of a difference between the two. 

[LucyStoner]

I am not 45+ . I am flattered you remember me from some post that's like 2+ years ago though ? That's a blast from the past (or I guess your intent is a slap? ) I'm not sure why my having an opinion is so unacceptable. Different strokes .

 

I'm not the one saying a different opinion is unacceptable.  You are labeling people who feel differently as rude.  Not being one who sends or receives many late night texts or receives ANY unwanted late night communications because I manage to make my phone work for me the way I want it to, I am merely reflecting that norms are changing and commenting that texts are more like email than calls.  

 

You went as far to call something I described doing as low-level harassment. :lol:   You clearly aren't really ok with different strokes, preferring to see ill-intent and poor manners instead of changing communication norms.  Or just see that everyone can take personal responsibility for how they opt to use their technology. You literally said you were "shocked" people differed from you on this (and many other things).  Seriously?  Shocked?  Why on earth is it shocking that different people communicate differently?  Or that, a full decade after voice calls were outpaced with texting, that people use texting differently than the rules that applied to landline phone calls in 1975?

[marbel]

I don't charge devices in my room, so if you need to call me in an emergency, you need to call the landline.

 

<snip>

 

I'm not picking on you when I say:

 

If someone is having an emergency, I don't want them to have to stop and think how best to contact me.  My kids know we have a landline, but if they're in trouble that's not what they're going to think of first for getting in touch with me.  

 

But also, fewer and fewer people have landlines. I may be the only one left in my circle of friends/acquaintances who has one.  No one uses it except my MIL, and solicitors.   I'd get rid of it but I don't have agreement on that from the spousal unit, so we have it. 

 

There really is no one perfect, easy solution that fits everyone's situation.  

 

(Oh, except, that the old fogies (myself included) need to evolve and learn how to use our damn phones, or find a teen to do it for us.)

 

:lol:  :lol:

[LucyStoner]

I hate sounding like I have a comeback for everything, but I have gotten 1am texts from teen via a friend's phone because his own battery died. I was glad to get the message it wasn't justbhis battery that had perished, seeing he was out much later than he'd originally told me he would be.

 

But you could certainly tell your child that after 10 PM, please call rather than text.  Or you could add your child's closest friends to your 24-7 text options.  Or get your child a battery boosting phone case.  There are many workarounds here that don't involve labeling anyone who texts after 9 PM as rude.  Time zone differences, work schedule differences, so many reasons that people might text while I am asleep.  I'll see it in the morning and it it was urgent, they probably called or are on my list of people whose texts ping all the time.

 

ETA:  I have a 15-year-old and an 11-year-old in my life who aren't  in the best home situation, and I do get "come and get us, please NOW" calls and texts at odd hours.  I've never missed one entirely (though sometimes they have to call another number).  So I am not unsympathetic to the wanting to be available for teens.  If anything, I probably get more of these sorts of calls than average.  But I'm also not someone who sees my phone as a leash.  If it doesn't matter or inconsequential, I know not to look at it or feel obligated to reply.  I use it at my convenience. 

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[gardenmom5]

I understand that there are people who cannot turn off notifications because of their unique circumstances. However, with the way society is now, it isn't rude to text at random times. Of course, if you have asked someone not to text between 9pm and 9am and they still do, that is rude. But, at this point, I think people just need to accept that Susie is going to text at 11:30 that she will bring fruit salad to the picnic next week.

 

i think it eventually becomes unreasonable, and downright silly, to expect people to remember "your (3rd person) exceptions/rules" when they have their own family members "rules", etc.   it can be hard to sort everything out - this is again where we need to take control of our tech for our own needs.     jimminy.   it's a tool.

 

You think the purpose of texting is to send at off hours? Why do you think that? This line of reasoning baffles em.

 

that's not what I said - when phone calls aren't convenient includes during class or during the work-day or anything else that makes a phone call inconvenient during any time of day. or night.    much easier to see the message without going through the process of listening to vm, etc.  the popularity of texting was because it was such a fast medium to get information across.  I don't understand people who have texting conversations in real time.  that's what phone calls are for.

sometimes the communication is urgent (not emergency) re: schedule change, but a phone call would not be appropriate. 

but texts are more likely to be seen than an email or even a vm.  

if someone wants to get a hold of me "right now", they can call the phone. 

[LucyStoner]

 it's a tool.

 

 

Exactly, it's a tool and we are all individually responsible for how we use our own tools.  If it bothers someone to get a non-urgent group text or frivolous individual text after 9 PM, then I promise that there is a way to resolve the issue (even allowing for emergencies).  Most of the people who seem bothered do not seem like they know how to use all of the features of their phone (just look at how the poll is worded).  

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Guest]

Well I do try to not send texts late at night because some people don't use the Do Not Disturb settings, but I really think they should. Emergencies need phone calls, not texts, anyway, and you can make exceptions in the settings for each number you want to hear even with Do Not Disturb on.

[Riverland]

Yes, Marbel. I do not want to put any sort of restrictions on how loved ones are supposed to contact me during an emergency. Holy cow!

 

When my son was home alone, but I was 15 minutes from getting there after dd's late dance class, and someone was trying to break in - and he had no idea if dude's buddies had succeeded at a different door/window and were actually in the house - I am so glad he did not have to think "hmm, I wonder how I should get ahold of mom and tell her to not come into this potentially very dangerous situation. Let's see - for emergencies after 10:00pm I must call. But, wait, I am currently hiding while waiting for the police. If I call and start talking to mom, and someone made it inside, they could hear me and find me. Hmm. What should I do?"

 

Heck, no. I will not restrict my family on how to contact me in an emergency.

[gardenmom5]

The correlation that may appear is that older users are less tech savvy.

 

But ime, the older users have teens, new drivers, college students and medically fragile elders who may need to make emergency contact, or have contact made by strangers on their behalf. Many of you who are great with phone settings aren't quite in that position yet. That doesn't excuse us from learning, but please do be aware of it.

 

and some of us are past all that and know how to work settings on the phone without those no-longer-teens help.  the teens are now adults and established drivers that own their own cars, etc.  and the fragile elders have died.

 

I just can't comprehend contacting someone via a text as a first resort in an emergency.  sort of like the vm in every dr's office I've ever called - if this is a lifethreatening emergency - hang-up and call 911.

maybe our definition of emergency and urgent mean different things.

to me, and emergency has to be attended to *right* *now*, and it can't wait even 15 minutes for you to notice if I sent a text, take the time to read it etc. and every other step before responding.

[regentrude]

I have been thinking some more about emergencies, especially since I do have teens, and my DS drives a lot.

 

Sometimes I am simply not reachable by any means of communication, because I am spending time in an area without cell reception and away from computers and landlines. If an emergency were to occur during this time, whoever has the emergency needs to figure things out without my help. If I feel I must have my phone on at all hours, that would also mean I must not be out in the country where I could not receive a call. 

 

Sometimes emergency communication cannot involve my cell. I do not usually have my phone on my body. When I am in class, I don't carry a phone; whoever needs to reach me in a true emergency has to figure out to call my workplace front office and have them interrupt my lecture to get me. That would only happen in case I need to attend an immediate medical need here in town.

 

Sometimes I am many hours away from the potential emergency. My DD is seven hours away; if she has an emergency, me knowing about it does not do her any good - she needs to find local help. If my parents have an emergency, it would take me 24 hours pure travel time to reach them, so I could only arrive within a couple of days if I can even find a flight. 

 

So, in many cases, I could not do anything about the situation anyway.  That helps me put my need to be reachable into perspective.

 

ETA: We also evaluated this a lot when the kids gradually received more freedom. Going to the city for a concert meant being away for seven hours - any babysitter needed to have reliable transportation and the ability to deal with an emergency. Teens driving - at the beginning, I would make a point of being reachable while they were on the road. As they became more proficient drivers and more able to deal with situations, I no longer felt the need to be home when they were out and about. 

 

 

Edited April 10, 2017 by regentrude

[SporkUK]

Hospitals or the police should know that texting is not exactly the most reliable form of communication.

 

True, but neither is a phone call. There are many reasons why someone would be unable or unwilling to speak and/or hear at any given time alongside times when sound would generally be unwise. While calling would always be more prompt, many emergency services have text registry systems now to help make it more reliable for people to use if needed and I think it's great people are getting more options...even if it makes trying to figure out the rules of it all a bit confusing at times. 

[marbel]

My daughter and I were talking about this today.  She could think of a few emergencies in which she would text rather than call.  Some have already come up, but not sure about this one; I've read the whole thread but may have missed something:

 

At a party or other gathering, wanting to be picked up NOW but not wanting anyone to know she is asking to be picked up.  Since everyone is already texting, it wouldn't be weird.  But calling would and could compromise safety.  

 

Aren't some police forces talking about a text equivalent of a 911 call?  (I'm not asking anyone to google that for me. Just came to mind as I'm typing this.)  

 

 

[gardenmom5]

Exactly, it's a tool and we are all individually responsible for how we use our own tools.  If it bothers someone to get a non-urgent group text after 9 PM, then I promise that there is a way to resolve the issue (even allowing for emergencies).  Most of the people who seem bothered do not seem like they know how to use all of the features of their phone (just look at how the poll is worded).  

 

yes - it's not remotely neutral.  there is question bias (and downright hostility) in the way it is worded.

[poppy]

I'm not the one saying a different opinion is unacceptable. You are labeling people who feel differently as rude. Not being one who sends or receives many late night texts or receives ANY unwanted late night communications because I manage to make my phone work for me the way I want it to, I am merely reflecting that norms are changing and commenting that texts are more like email than calls.

 

You went as far to call something I described doing as low-level harassment. :lol: You clearly aren't really ok with different strokes, preferring to see ill-intent and poor manners instead of changing communication norms. Or just see that everyone can take personal responsibility for how they opt to use their technology. You literally said you were "shocked" people differed from you on this (and many other things). Seriously? Shocked? Why on earth is it shocking that different people communicate differently? Or that, a full decade after voice calls were outpaced with texting, that people use texting differently than the rules that applied to landline phone calls in 1975?

I think it's rude that you think it's rude that I think other people are rude. Wait. Is that rude of me?

 

I don't give or receive texts at night . Neither do you. It seems we have more in common than you think. I just express annoyance with the idea and you are proud to be 'go with the flow' with the idea.

You know what's really funny,I do not recall using the word shocked. I believe you though. I can't help it that I get under your skin? But it's not my intent...believe me.

[LucyStoner]

Yes, Marbel. I do not want to put any sort of restrictions on how loved ones are supposed to contact me during an emergency. Holy cow!

 

When my son was home alone, but I was 15 minutes from getting there after dd's late dance class, and someone was trying to break in - and he had no idea if dude's buddies had succeeded at a different door/window and were actually in the house - I am so glad he did not have to think "hmm, I wonder how I should get ahold of mom and tell her to not come into this potentially very dangerous situation. Let's see - for emergencies after 10:00pm I must call. But, wait, I am currently hiding while waiting for the police. If I call and start talking to mom, and someone made it inside, they could hear me and find me. Hmm. What should I do?"

 

Heck, no. I will not restrict my family on how to contact me in an emergency.

 

But it's not a restriction to try different ways to reach people.  In an emergency, if I don't get through one way, I have to move onto another way.  My husband can sleep through next to anything.  I've had to resort to using "Find my iPhone" to blast a siren like sound out to let him know something when I suspect or assume he's asleep.  If my niece sends me a text and I do see it, she's going to call next.  Reflexively.  If my phone is off for some reason (rare), she's called other numbers for us.  

[CAMom]

They don't always contact me for true emergencies. Sometimes it's for "I can't decide what to do with my life" sorts of questions/discussions. For whatever reason, texting is a safe way for them to express some things that they are worrying about and causing them to lose sleep over. It doesn't happen often, but I have to say, those conversations are precious to me - that they would want to share deep thoughts with me, that they know by experience that I'll respond to their texts overnight (when they're in the middle of all the "feels"); it's important to me. The same conversation might not transpire in the middle of the night in a phone call, and I'd have a cranky husband because he likes his sleep!

 

So true!! 

 

During my dd's freshman year in college, I got a text from her at 2am. She goes to school in VA, so that meant it was 5am for her.

 

All it said was, "Did the Pioneer Woman go to college?" I immediately responded, "Yes. I'm pretty sure she went to USC." She said, "Dang it! OK, thanks." 

 

Next morning, I text her and ask her why she wanted to know. She had been up all night struggling through her first mid-term season and was contemplating alternative career paths that did not include college. :lol: 

 

I have also had so many late night text convos with my 24 yo DS who is trying to figure out life right now. 

 

I wouldn't trade those text exchanges for anything in the world! :)

[Seasider]

and some of us are past all that and know how to work settings on the phone without those no-longer-teens help. the teens are now adults and established drivers that own their own cars, etc. and the fragile elders have died.

 

 

I'm thinking when I reach this "off watch" stage, I'm just going back to snail mail. 😆

[SKL]

I have nothing against facebook, but it worked very intermittently on my last phone.  My present phone is brand new, but I am reluctant to install fb or messenger, because it is a work phone; when I was trying to clear my very very personal messenger stuff off my old phone (so it could be used as a generic business phone and by clients), I didn't know how other than to delete the precious messages.  Probably because I am not the ultimate messenger expert, but I don't want to be in that situation again.

 

I am 50, not the most tech savvy person on the planet, but I did figure out the sound notifications pretty much.  :p  I need to update them on my new phone.  The default is sound for both texts and emails.  Also vibrations, which are weird when I wear my phone in my back pocket.  :p

 

I don't use twitter or snapchat etc.  I am not interested and don't have time.  As my kids get old enough that they would need to contact me in the wee hours about an "emergency," they will know which medium I receive and at what hours.  Yes it is on them to remember this.  When I was that age if I got a flat tire or ran out of gas, it was crowbar/spare or walk to the nearest gas station and buy a can.  When it poured buckets and I was 10 miles away on a bike, it was go find a shelter, accept a ride from a kind soul, or get sopping wet.  When my sisters busted their heads in a bike accident, neighbors with landlines called an ambulance and my parents' land line.  I don't think it's too much to ask my kids to remember if they should try calling, texting, or both when they are in a fix.

Edited April 10, 2017 by SKL

[SKL]

I'm not picking on you when I say:

 

If someone is having an emergency, I don't want them to have to stop and think how best to contact me.  My kids know we have a landline, but if they're in trouble that's not what they're going to think of first for getting in touch with me.  

 

But also, fewer and fewer people have landlines. I may be the only one left in my circle of friends/acquaintances who has one.  No one uses it except my MIL, and solicitors.   I'd get rid of it but I don't have agreement on that from the spousal unit, so we have it. 

 

There really is no one perfect, easy solution that fits everyone's situation.  

 

(Oh, except, that the old fogies (myself included) need to evolve and learn how to use our damn phones, or find a teen to do it for us.)

 

:lol:  :lol:

 

You can direct your cell to roll over to your other number if you don't answer....  :)

 

[Riverland]

But it's not a restriction to try different ways to reach people.  In an emergency, if I don't get through one way, I have to move onto another way.  My husband can sleep through next to anything.  I've had to resort to using "Find my iPhone" to blast a siren like sound out to let him know something when I suspect or assume he's asleep.  If my niece sends me a text and I do see it, she's going to call next.  Reflexively.  If my phone is off for some reason (rare), she's called other numbers for us.  

 

Then I will change my wording. I will not put up roadblocks when my family needs to reach me. I will not make it harder for them to reach me. Especially in an emergency.

[LucyStoner]

I think it's rude that you think it's rude that I think other people are rude. Wait. Is that rude of me?

 

I don't give or receive texts at night . Neither do you. It seems we have more in common than you think. I just express annoyance with the idea and you are proud to be 'go with the flow' with the idea.

You know what's really funny,I do not recall using the word shocked. I believe you though. I can't help it that I get under your skin? But it's not my intent...believe me.

 

Forgive me, a quick search shows that you were "baffled" in this thread.  Someone else was shocked.  Just Shocked.  I personally put it all in the category of "maybe it's a wise idea to untwist your panties, ladies".  

 

You don't get under my skin.  You just seem to, like a few other posters here, throw off the general impression on some randomly small matters that there is one right way to do things and that would, of course, be your way.  I don't think your intent is to bug me or anyone but you do seem to express annoyance at certain things that are actually at least commonplace or even the predominant normative procedure.  

 

FWIW, I smile about that old thread of yours every time I unrepentantly crochet through a civic meeting.  

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner

[SKL]

I'm thinking when I reach this "off watch" stage, I'm just going back to snail mail. 😆

 

I have a friend who is about 75 and she is declining.  About a year ago, she had a heart attack, and last fall she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

 

We used to keep in touch by sending each other long emails.  We'd call each other on birthdays, and I would visit once a year to do her tax return.  It was all I could manage in my busy life.  (Yes, I sent the emails in the wee hours.)  I sure loved those email conversations.

 

Well when she went into the hospital, she stopped emailing, even though she technically has the capability.  I didn't have her phone number.  She kept moving from one facility to another.  I finally got her cell phone number, but she does not text, and most of the time she also does not answer her phone (health related issues).  In the past 6 months I've gotten through twice.  Usually it won't even take a voice mail because the mailbox is full.  And she doesn't call back.

 

I was thinking, how can we get back to communicating?  I decided to buy her an Easter card and enclose a written message.  I'm not sure she can even read it, but I will try.  So thanks for reminding me about the snail mail I need to send out.  :)

Edited April 10, 2017 by SKL

[LucyStoner]

Then I will change my wording. I will not put up roadblocks when my family needs to reach me. I will not make it harder for them to reach me. Especially in an emergency.

 

There are naturally restrictions/roadblocks/barriers to insta-communication.  

 

I have a 3-inch binder of police reports that relate to the people I most often receive emergency calls from.  Even at that, sometimes I am in the shower.  Or running.  Or occupied with a full-out ASD-related crisis in my own immediate family. Or in a woman's doctor appointment.  Or asleep with the flu.  

 

There are many different situations in which you could find yourself when your son was texting with an emergency situation.  In your example, you were available.  You could have just as easily not been reachable.  We can't be available 100% of the time.  This is why true emergencies call first for 911.  

 

Somehow I manage to be reachable to the very select few that need to get me despite my boundaries around communication at certain hours but that is in part because they know what to do/who to call next if they don't get a response.  Because their texts come through at all hours of the day, they do know what is ok and what is not ok to text about in the middle of the night. And they know that "come and get me now" is in the ok pile but "did you see this video" pile is NOT.   :lol:  They also have electronic and paper lists of contacts in case they can't reach me and have all of our numbers memorized.  

Edited April 10, 2017 by LucyStoner