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My husband passed away and we might have to move.. Kansas City MO versus Denver CO areas?

Samiam

By Samiam,
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Samiam

Samiam

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My husband passed away a few weeks ago, after a 3 month battle with cancer.  We are beyond devastated.  My mind is running a mile a minute thinking of how I do life alone, as a mother, and a homeschooling mother at that. I've been a homeschooling, stay at home mom for the past 14 years.  Along with all of the other things going through my mind...one thing I keep thinking is we are here on the East Coast all alone.  Though I am originally from the Midwest....I moved to the East Coast in my early 20's, and married my husband soon after.  My husband is an only child, and all of my family is in the Midwest....so we've always been here with just our own little family unit..and that was fine.  We built a life and we did fine out here by ourselves. We have casual friends...though we mostly centered on our own little family so we weren't super social...lots of people offer to help, just call when I need them...but the reality is, I have a hard time asking for help because I worry about bothering people.

 

But now...I'm kinda thinking I don't want to be out here on the SouthEast Coast all alone.  My 18 year old is off at college..and while I love that he is only an hour away from us right now...the reality is he doesn't need all that much time from us....college students go off to college all the time long distances from home.  So it's really just me, 14DS and 10DS. 

 

I have a sister in Kansas City MO, who wants me to come to her area.

I have two sisters in the Cheyenne WY area who want to come to their area.   I don't see myself living that rural of a lifestyle..but Denver is only two hours away so I see that as doable.  Husband also has some cousins that live in the Denver area who have offered to be a support system for us as well.

 

Financially we will be okay for a while if we stick to a tight budget...I will eventually have to go back to work...I was already in college taking pre-reqs to get into Radiology Technology program.   So I will pursue that still wherever we go.

 

Homeschooling....not sure if we will be able to continue or not.  We will for the next year...I don't want any more major changes in my children's lives...they've never been in school, and financially, again, we will be okay.   But beyond the next year, I am just not sure.

 

So questions about the Kansas City MO and Denver CO area.

1.  Talk to me about homeschooling...how active is the area (especially for the high school years?)...are there large numbers of homeschoolers.....how easy are the regulations.

 

2.  Cost of living...I've heard Denver is high...tell me more...what about Kansas City?  What could one expect to pay for a rental house...2-3 bedrooms etc...that isn't a dump?  We have two dogs, so I don't see myself in an apartment.

 

3.  Best areas to live in?  I think the North side of Denver is what I'd consider due to being closer to the Wyoming border...but what suburbs to consider and what ones to avoid?  Or is there a better area than North side?  Kansas City..my sister actually lives on the Independence side...so that is probably the general area I'd want to be in.....suburbs to consider and suburbs to avoid?

 

4.   Schools...because again, I don't know what the future holds...we may not be able to homeschool for long-term.  I've always thought Charter schools would be a viable option if we had to do public school (the in person charter school, not a virtual school)....we have a few good ones here where we live now...small, almost like a private school, yet free ......how is the charter school situation in the CO and MO area?  Are there other options I should consider?  I can't see myself enrolling my boys into a regular old public school....maybe....but not likely.....it would have to be an AMAZING situation or I would have to be just completely desperate for me to go that route.

 

5.  What else should I know about each area?  What question did I forget to ask?

 

This would not be something we do right away.  Most likely I would wait until after the summer so my college student can be home with us this summer, while we are all still in this grief process.   I'm thinking early Fall is the soonest we would make any moves, after he is back in college.  We will also visit the family I've mentioned a few time between now and then, and scout out the areas to see it all for ourselves.

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creekland

creekland

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Oh wow.  I would definitely move in your position, but I don't know enough about those areas to give advice.  Tons of  :grouphug: and support (as limited as it is) from here though.

 

Don't be afraid to ask your friends for help.  If I were there IRL with what you've gone through I wouldn't be bothered.  I'd be honored to help.  

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Crimson Wife

Crimson Wife

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

My deepest condolences to you and your family.

 

Kansas City metro region has a reasonable cost of living. Taxes I believe are lower on the KS side than the MO side. But if you're a student do compare the tuition costs for being a KS resident vs. a MO one.

 

Denver is pricey and I wouldn't consider being 2 hours away as really being near family.

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displace

displace

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Hugs. :(

 

If I were to move, it would be within a 15-30 min commute of family. I'd pick the most supportive family that I got along with and go there. Probably MO would financially be easier to be independent for longer if you're selling a home, etc. CO is likely more expensive.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Annie G

Annie G

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:grouphug:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know anything about either area but I'd start by using an online cost of living calculator to see what it costs in those two areas. You can start by putting in the income your dh earned since you are familiar with what that bought you where you live now. At least it would be a starting point to see what it'll cost in both areas. I'm betting Denver area will be noticeably more expensive but maybe not. 

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*LC

*LC

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Posted (edited)

 

 

But now...I'm kinda thinking I don't want to be out here on the SouthEast Coast all alone.  My 18 year old is off at college..and while I love that he is only an hour away from us right now...the reality is he doesn't need all that much time from us....college students go off to college all the time long distances from home.  So it's really just me, 14DS and 10DS. 

 

I have a sister in Kansas City MO, who wants me to come to her area.

I have two sisters in the Cheyenne WY area who want to come to their area.   I don't see myself living that rural of a lifestyle..but Denver is only two hours away so I see that as doable.  Husband also has some cousins that live in the Denver area who have offered to be a support system for us as well.

 

 

I am so sorry about the death of your husband. 

 

We moved after my husband died...it was hard; it is still hard. That said, you have to do what is right for you. I can tell you based on my experience two hours away would not be much help or stop the feeling of being alone, so that would rule out your sisters in WY. Do you know your husband's cousins well? Do they have kids your kids ages? Can they help you network, meet people, suggest repairmen, help you repair things, listen to you vent.... Would you be more willing to ask your sister in MO be better able to do these things. Or, the people you know where you are now. Do your kids have friends/activities where you are now?

 

Some of my kids homeschooled and some went to public school after we moved. 

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is extremely hard to know what to do, because nothing feels right for good reason. 

 

Feel free to PM if you like. 

Edited by *LC
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maize

maize

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Posted (edited)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your husband :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Is your college kid attending a state school? If so you need to check that their residency status will not change if you move.

 

My parents had planned to leave Florida after my sister graduated from high school but she ended up at a state university there and would have lost in-state tuition had they moved out of state. I'm sure the rules on that vary from state to state and school to school but if in-state tuition applies to your situation it is something to check up on.

Edited by maize
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Guest

Guest

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NO advice, but I wanted to offer my condolences.  (And honestly, I would JUMP at the chance to live in Cheyenne.  I've always really loved it there.  But YMMV, obviously.)

 

I think during this time of grief, I would get as close to family as possible.  You can always move AWAY from them at a later time.

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Guest

Guest

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Oh, I a so sorry to hear about your husband :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Is your college kid attending a state school? If so you need to check that their residency status will not change if you move.

 

My parents had planned to leave Florida after my sister graduated from high school but she ended up at a state university there and would have lost in-state tuition had they moved out of state. I'm sure the rules on that vary from state to state and school to school but if in-state tuition applies to your situation it is something to check up on.

 

This is a great point and the reason we are tied to Texas until at least 2021.  (LOL)

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kitten18

kitten18

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Hugs. :(

 

If I were to move, it would be within a 15-30 min commute of family. I'd pick the most supportive family that I got along with and go there. Probably MO would financially be easier to be independent for longer if you're selling a home, etc. CO is likely more expensive.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree, I would want to be close to my most supportive family.

 

DH and I lived in KC for 9 years. We loved it. I went there this summer for the first time in 13 years and I fell in love all over. I would move back in a heartbeat. The COL is much, much lower than the Denver area.

Your sister can probably give good ideas on where to live. If she is in Independence, I would want to stay close to there. Our first house was in KC, just south of Raytown, but we didn't have kids then and weren't worried about schools.

 

I'm so sorry about your DH. Ă°Å¸ËœÂ¢

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G5052

G5052

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That's tough  :grouphug: .

 

Certainly don't feel like you have to make a decision anytime soon, although I'm sure it weighs on you.

 

Just a suggestion, but you might want to start keeping a journal on your thoughts toward this end with the pro's and con's. As you research aspects of this, record it.

 

I have been doing that for some time as I work through some difficult ongoing issues, and it helps me immensely to record my thoughts and leave them to stew. Sometimes I and go back and read them when I'm struggling. I re-read my whole journal this afternoon starting from last summer because I had to make a decision one way or another. I feel very good about what I decided. My journal answered the question.

 

The actual city of Cheyenne has 60,000 people, so that's not what I would call rural. Maybe your sisters live further out, but I'm sure that you could get more of a suburban feel in some areas. It's been years since I've been there, but last time I visited, it felt more like a small city to me.

 

If I was widowed, I'd stay here, but my kids are older teens and are rooted here, and I have a lot of local friends. The college programs they want are here with in-state tuition. Moving closer to relatives wouldn't make sense right now for me, at least.

Edited by G5052
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wendy not in HI

wendy not in HI

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have some big choices to make and so many changes for your family.  Hugs to you.

 

If it were me, Denver would be out - too far away from your sisters. So for me that would leave Kansas City or Cheyenne. I'd want to be within about 20 minutes of family.  Even closer would be better - like the same neighborhood if possible.  What I'd really like is to be close enough to go on occasional morning walks with my sister and attend the same congregation at church...  (we are military and live far from family, but during our last assignment I had two sisters who lived "nearby" one was about 45 min away(with good traffic) and the other was about 2 hours away.  Too far!!  It was hard work to get together.  The kids wanted to spend time together on the weekends, but you can't just run over for a friday sleepover when someone is going to have to drive 1.5 hours for the drop off and pick up.  We did all get together for big holidays, and the closer sister and I got together every month or so, but it wasn't quite as awesome as it could have been if we had lived closer, like within a half hour)

 

I've driven through Cheyenne and it is small, but it is also kind of cute.  Plus, it's just 2 hours to the big city!!  I've never been to Kansas City, but if I lived there, I'd sing about it every day (everything's up to date in Kansas City. They've gone about as far as they can go...)(Oklahoma Musical) and that would make me smile!! 

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Sugarfoot

Sugarfoot

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I'm so sorry. What a difficult time you all must be having.

 

I grew up in the KC area. If your sister is in Independence, I'd look toward being in either the Blue Springs or Lee's Summit school districts.

 

COL/taxes are higher on the Kansas side in the areas that I'd feel comfortable living/good school districts.

 

I have family in Denver, and I don't think I could deal with the weather (or the higher COL).

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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So sorry for your loss.

 

I would definitely go closest to family.  2 hours away is not close IMO. KC is a nice part of the country.  Of course there are good areas and bad areas like any large city, but if your sister lives there she knows all about it and can help you settle in a good area.  Would you be initially living with her while you look for a place to live.

 

 

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mominco

mominco

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

So sorry for your loss!

I can tell you Denver has gotten really expensive,When we were living there it was very difficult to get into charter schools as they are all

lottery based.

Peak to peak charter is in Lafayette,CO which is 1.5 hours from Cheyenne.It is a very expensive place.I know south Denver has an umbrella

school.

I am sure more CO folk will chime in and give you more info!

:grouphug:

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Guest

Guest

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I'm sorry for your loss.  This is devastating.  

 

I am from Colorado but way back in the day.  But we visit there quite often.  One thing that occurs to me is that you might look further north than Denver.  Both Greeley and Fort Collins have state universities, and they are much closer to Cheyenne and are nice areas.  Loveland, too, is a nice area (no state university).  

 

Were I to go back to the Front Range, I would go that direction.  (I'm from Broomfield, which has been called one of the best cities in America for economic and livability reasons.  I'd like to live there again, BUT it is more expensive because of its proximity to Denver/Boulder (the reason for its original existence!).  

 

God be with you in this transition.  This has got to be incredibly hard, but I am thankful that you have family that you can be near.  

 

 

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gaillardia

gaillardia

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That's a very sad thing to go through. I am sorry to you and your family for all of it. 

 

You didn't really mention this, but what about the eldest son? How will he feel if the family moves that far away (Missouri or Colorado) while he is back east? I would ask him and give him time to think about it. I hope you can make a decision without guilt. Can you join a support group for spouses or family members of those who have or did have cancer? 

Since I don't have the same kind of lifestyle that my sisters have, it would be awkward to live near them for support. I mean it would great to hang out together once in awhile, but other than that, worlds apart. 

Missouri housing seems cheaper than Kansas in that metro area. Denver and Cheyenne I thought were both fairly expensive in housing costs. 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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Posted (edited)

Samiam, I am so glad that you do not have to make any sudden changes after such a devastating loss.

 

It is usually recommended to "sit" for a year and think things over. If you can financially afford this - and it sounds like you can - this seems wise to me. During this year of grieving and processing you can also do a little talking with relatives, a little research so when the time comes to make a decision you can feel you have made the decision after thinking it through rather than being forced to move fast.

I hope people from the areas you mentioned will chime in and offer advice.

 

:grouphug: Like Rosie said up thread...a lot of changes. Take it slow and give everyone including yourself(!) the time to grieve instead of doing the prevalent thing in our society, running and getting busy.

And ask for help. It is a privilege to be able to be of help for those who are hurting. The rest of us feel so helpless - and most of us would love to help but need to know what we can do - please ask.

 

 

Edited by Liz CA
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PollyOR

PollyOR

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Posted

I'm sorry your husband has passed away.  Hugs!

 

You know your oldest son and what he can handle.  This is what I would ponder for myself ... is your oldest really ready for you to be so far away?  Is it possible he will feel like he has been abandoned?  My girls might try to come off as being strong and independent for my sake, but I'm not sure they would truly be ready.  I don't know.  For years my oldest told me she couldn't wait to move out.  She calls me almost every day and recently moved back to our hometown.  Maybe it's a girl thing.

 

Peace, comfort, and strength to you and your family.

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arliemaria

arliemaria

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Posted

So sorry to hear about your husband.  That is a huge fear of mine.  We currently have a large insurance policy that helps my fear, but only slightly.  I live in MO and honestly it has some of the best homeschool laws in the country.  I hear great things about homeschooling in CO though with their nice charter programs for homeschoolers where they will pay for some of your curriculum, etc.  I do agree with above posters that living 2 hours away from family is not really near family.  My mother in law is 45 minutes away now since we bought a house and honestly it is not like we are very close now.

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lauranc

lauranc

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Posted

I'm very sorry about your husband... 

 

As far as Denver Vs Kansas City--

Denver has a higher COL than Kansas City.  If you go to Kansas City, and want to be near to your sister look at Lees Summit. 

 

If you're fine with moving on the other side of the state line, try Olathe, Overland Park, or Shawnee Mission.  

 

Wishing you peace as you move forward...

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eternalsummer

eternalsummer

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Charter schools in the KC area are either nonexistent or not good.  Colorado has a good charter school system.   In KC, what you must do is live in a surrounding suburb - really you will want to do this anyway, as housing in the city proper is either expensive or in a dangerous neighborhood or both.  On the Missouri side you can live in Lee's Summit, Blue Springs, maybe further out in Raymore or Peculiar, and be fine.  Schools on the KS side are better - all of Shawnee Mission/Overland Park is pretty good.  North of the city (way north) is okay, maybe Park Hill or Liberty.  South is not great.

 

 

We lived in Colorado Springs, not Denver - schools here there were great.  Unfortunately rent is high.  I much prefer the front range (Denver, Colorado Springs, Ft Collins) to the KC area though.

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