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My husband passed away and we might have to move.. Kansas City MO versus Denver CO areas?

Samiam

By Samiam,
in The Chat Board

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Splash

Splash

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure Kansas City would be cheaper.

 I live in Northern Colorado area close to Fort Collins.

 

 I love it here.  Homeschooling is easy, there are lots of homeschool families and various programs available that your kids could be a part of but enrollment is starting now

.  My kids have attended

 Apex in Longmont https://apexhomeschool.wordpress.com/  

Olive Tree in Fort Collins  http://www.olivetreeschool.org/  and

three are currently attending Colorado Early Colleges in Fort Collins which also has a middle school http://fortcollins.coloradoearlycolleges.org/

 

I think I'd move closest to which ever sister would offer the most support.  Cheyenne is a very quick drive from Fort Collins and Denver is only an hour south.  Rents here are high though and I'm not sure what you're used to paying.

 

Kimberly

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MomatHWTK

MomatHWTK

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:

An associate of mine recently moved from CA to the Denver area. The COL in Denver isn't the best, but he was thrilled at how much less it was than CA. (I can't remember exactly where he moved from...) He's renting a place, 2 bd 2ba and thought having the two baths was a luxury. He's happier with the community, too. 

 

I would talk to your 18 y.o. before making a big decision. If it were me, I might choose someplace in between CA and KS, to shorten his travel if he wanted to visit (or you want to visit him). 

 

If your other children won't be unsettled by it, you could store some of your belongings and do a temporary move before making a final decision. (We kept our stuff in storage for a few months once while trying to find a house.)

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Murphy101

Murphy101

Posted
Posted

I think in the depths of extreme grief is not the time to decide. I'd gently suggest staying where you are for a year and deciding then. You are stressed and such enough without adding to it if you don't have to.

 

As for when you might... some considerations..

 

COL is likely to be lower, but make sure it's not so low you can't find a job in your field. Comparing average starting salary for those regions and their job growth.

 

Schools are going to vary widely. Even if you home school, things like whether they allow and or pay for dual college enrollment. How good and how varied are the education opportunities in the location.

 

IF the family doesn't understand or can't commit to helping as much as you'd like or need, would you still want to live there? Can you see yourself developing a social network even without them? Bc while I love family and friends, sometimes they let us down despite their honest desire to help.

 

Your oldest son might not usually need you as much, but it's not unusual for a student to take a semester or two off to cope with the death of a parent or sibling. He might not realise he needs to do that until some time passes though. So I'd keep that in mind as a possibility too.

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Garga

Garga

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ask your friends for help. No one ever wants to ask, yet I've never known anyone who was a friend of someone with a loss who wasn't aching to help in some way. Let them help you. They want to do something, anything, to help you. Unless they're terrible people, they will jump at the chance to help.

 

I wouldn't move more than 10-15 minutes away from family. Two hours away mean you visit them or they visit you about 6 times a year--every other month or so. That's just the reality of a 4 hour round trip. A few times a year isn't enough support. Even if it's 12 times a year, that's not enough. You need for them to say, "I'm coming over. See you in 10."

 

The general advice is to stay put for a year after a death, though that is just general advice and might not be applicable for everyone. But there may be a good reason that's the general advice. You might want to take things very slowly right now.

Edited by Garga
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LarlaB

LarlaB

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry for your loss!

 

I don't have a lot of advice, but I like the Loveland/Fort Collins area right outside of Denver. You would be a short drive to Denver, and not too long of a drive to Cheyenne.

Agreed

 

I live between Boulder and Denver and COL is high- and climbing. Loveland/Ft Collins are well situated to Cheyenne and Denver.... and a bit further towards Denver lies Longmont which has an active HS community and a more small town feel.

 

May God bless and guide your decisions â¤

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elegantlion

elegantlion

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry for your loss. 

 

I grew up in Kansas City, it's been through the suburban sprawl in recent years, so outlying cities are now considered suburbs. I don't know much about Independence itself, but there is a lot in that area. 

 

Things I would avoid:  moving into the Kansas City MO school district, it has historically had a host of problems, but the suburbs, including Independence, all have their own districts. 

Independence is also closer to the sports stadiums, baseball and football. Traffic can be a mess during game times, so that is something to consider. Good if you like sporting events, not so good if you're not a sports fan. 

 

The cost of state colleges mentioned above is something to consider as well. University of Kansas, about 30-40 minutes from KC, has some tuition exchange programs with MO (not a straight in-state exchange, only certain majors), but their out of state tuition is quite a bit higher than in-state. The MO governor just cut funding for higher education in the state, still not sure how that is going to shake out for most schools, so that might be a long-term consideration if you think your children might attend college in state. 

 

Homeschooling is well-regarded around here for the most part. I noticed the other day that the Nelson-Atkins Museum has a dedicated page for homeschool tours. In the outlying areas most groups are religious, while in the city there are more options. 

 

Midwest weather is so variable. It was 6 degrees with the wind chill yesterday. Saturday it's supposed to be in the 60s. The 60s is unusual, generally February is much colder. We tend to get more ice storms than snow storms. I find them rather annoying. Summers can be hot and humid. We went to Florida in July once and it was hotter in KC than in Miami. 

 

I wish you peace as you make these hard decisions.  :grouphug:

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Storygirl

Storygirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

I don't know those areas, but I agree that two hours is not really close enough. I live two hours from my family, and we see them only every few months, and then it is an all-day trip, once you add the travel time to the visit time. It's close enough for visiting, but not near enough to allow involvement with each other in daily life.

 

One other factor that I don't think has been mentioned is the challenge of enrolling in school mid-way through high school. Some schools will not accept homeschool classes as credit. If you want to keep all of the options open, perhaps you might consider enrolling your high school student in a public online high school for next year, so that you can keep schooling at home but accrue transferrable public school credits.

 

 

Edited by Storygirl
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footballmom

footballmom

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can understand that family could be a good support to you at this time, but you may want to give yourself more time before making a costly decision. Moving the kids would be a major change for them and for you. Would it be possible to spend the summer traveling and renting through Airbnb in a couple of those locations? Maybe a month in Denver, KC and Cheyanne? Kind of a try before you buy so you could get more data and not have the pressure of getting it "right" since you haven't lived around family in so long and grief is a crazy beast. Hugs!

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Susan in KY

Susan in KY

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ah, such sad news. :grouphug:

 

Thought I'd throw my two cents in .... I have traveled a lot and dislike KC. I would move to WY. The huge sky, the culture of getting outdoors, and my sisters next to me would be the biggest factors. Community is strong in the West. In KC, you could live in the same city and still be an hour away. :(

Edited by Susan in KY
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Lanny

Lanny

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Posted

I am sorry for the loss you and your sons have experienced.  Please try to take it one day at a time. I read a few of the other responses and I have been in Denver and I worked on a temporary job assignment in Boulder. I agree with others that CO would probably be more expensive and problematic for your family.  I think from what you wrote that you should look very carefully at the Kansas City area and that you should look at the differences between the MO side and the KS side.

You have 2 sisters in Cheyenne so that is the other place you should consider moving to, if you move from your present East Coast location. If you are in Kansas City, you will have much better airline service available than you would have in Cheyenne, but I do not see that as a deal breaker.  DO NOT MAKE SUDDEN MOVES. Take it slowly and explore the different options available to you. You would have far more employment opportunities available to you, if you select the Kansas City area, than if you select Cheyenne.  Based only on airline service and employment opportunities, I think I would concentrate on the Kansas City area. 

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lovinmyboys

lovinmyboys

Posted
Posted

Hugs. Cost of living is so much cheaper in KC and I think you get a lot for your money. My BIL and SIL live in Independence and I don't think they are super happy with the school their kids go to, but they love their house and church. Blue Springs and Lees Summit are close and have good schools (although I have heard Blue Springs isn't as good as it used to be).

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Seasider

Seasider

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

You have received much good advice that I can only echo...

 

- don't do anything too fast

 

- make sure your oldest is *really* okay with you and siblings moving way out of state

 

- consider the costs of dual enrollment in each potential location, as well as what college opportunities would be available to them at in-state resident rates, compared to their opportunities in Florida

 

- do some reconnaissance, visit the place(s) you are serious about before deciding

 

- be as close to family as possible, as Garga notes above

 

I pray for comfort, peace and wisdom as you and your children navigate this next season of your lives.

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sbgrace

sbgrace

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry.

 

I think now is a poor time to be making major decisions, but I understand why it's in your mind. A friend who experienced something similar, but had more time to process and prepare, did move before long to be near her family. It worked out for them. I'd try to wait and let things settle, but I would long to be near family too (which would rule out CO for me in your place). I'm so sorry for you and your kids. :grouphug:

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Ewe Mama

Ewe Mama

Posted
Posted

My heart aches for you and your family. :grouphug:

 

I have always been told to never make any big decisions for a year following the death of a spouse. You need to learn to breathe again and how to put one foot in front of the other. Take time to grieve and take time to learn to smile again. You will need to make time to rediscover yourself as a single person, a single parent, and so much more without your husband by your side. Give yourself a lot of grace this year because you will need it.

 

:grouphug:

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StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

Posted
Posted

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

I think if I were in your situation, I would move near my sister (finding something on the outskirts of, or in a nearby, town if needed), and stick with home schooling as long as I could make it work. Even if you had to work at some future point, home schooling may be able to continue depending on time. I say this because I think moving will be a big change and home schooling is a constant for your children. It will probably give them a sense of security as they are going through all the changes. (I do realize you said you wouldn't make changes to that for at least a year, but I'd certainly evaluate readiness at that point and stick with it if I could).

 

Praying for your family as you have to make these decisions.

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J-rap

J-rap

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Posted

I'm so very sorry for your loss.   :grouphug:   Please take the time you need, don't hurry.

 

Perhaps you can plan a couple family vacations to the areas you're considering?  Even meeting up with the relatives who live there, so you can judge if being near them would actually be a good and helpful thing?

 

Also, think 10 years out a bit, or to the point where your kids have graduated and you are more on your own.  Of course a lot can happen between now and then, but just thinking of yourself, with whom and where would you feel most comfortable and welcomed?

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