You are not alone. I have “only” been here 10 years and this thread is the last straw for me. It really is. I came here today specifically predicting and expecting some of the comments on this thread by the usual suspects (although we are missing a few) and I find myself just done. It’s so predictable it’s funny. And sad. For me- it’s uninspired, predictable and hardly educated or well trained in any way. In response to not saying things well or tone or whatever..... listen If we have to word everything perfectly to post here or risk members shredding us apart (Which happens, always), well frankly that is not the kind of training or education I am looking for. If that it the “standard” of a online message board, I don’t want anything of what you guys are selling or allowing anymore. What good is education or knowledge if you act like an a##hole? There has been the sanctimonious disconnect here for several years and it’s getting worse, so I’m done. The slow creep of disrespectful behavior and “non political talk” is gross, obvious, tolerated and not a “community” that I want to be part of or associated with at all. There is no discourse. No one is listening to anyone anymore. It’s gross. I have appreciated the help, advice and input during my time here. Trully.

I have an obscene amount of USPS non or mis delivery stories I could tell. I’m also in CO so maybe Denver has more issues?!?! It is a ongoing point of stress at times because I spend so much time making notes for the mailman, redelivering, calling customer service, insurance issues etc Last month some medication was almost here then suddenly headed to West Palm Beach, FL where it was circling around for days. DAYS. I gave up and called the company. We have chronic misdelivery issues here. At least 1x a month. Last week a small package with glasses were mis delivered to my box (although the destination was within 2 miles of my house- so I was impressed). Our last name and zip code were the same. I put a note on it for the postman. He never took it back but kept shoving more mail in our box. So I took to the post office myself so they could try again. This has happened more times than I can count. We do not have issues with UPS, FEDEX or Amazon. Occasional but nowhere close to USPS.

I started having pain in my foot 5 weeks ago. With a weird line of bruising and noticeable swelling on top of foot. Finally went to podiatrist 3 weeks ago and he suspected a stress fracture AND extensor tendinitis. He did xrays and didn't see a fracture (apparently you don’t see them until they have healed) but did note there was thickening on the bone that indicates pressure. I don’t know what that means. also used a tuning fork over the bone which reallllly hurt. Pain is both superficial and sharp, and deep and achey- I cannot walk normally on it. Guessing that’s how the tendinitis set in- I was limping for weeks. I also have small fiber neuropathy in both feet and experience a lot of swelling and blood pooling due to other issues. I asked him if that would affect- he wasn’t sure. I know SFN can cause nerve pain - but I’ve had observable swelling and discoloration as well. I’m in a walking boot. Have been for almost 3 weeks- and wear a splint at night. Yesterday and today- for the first time my foot felt better. I can’t drive with it on but had the boot off more today between driving kids places. Tonight the stupid bruising and pain is back- with swelling. I know it’s my own fault for not being as diligent but the bruise coming back and the sudden pain is just so hard to understand. I just cannot figure this out. If it was a stress fracture wouldn’t it be healing by now? I’ve had full on foot fractures and one presumed stress fracture 2 years ago from a traumatic injury. They healed in a linear, predictable fashion. The weird line of bruising in particular is just so odd- I can’t make sense of it. Is that normal with a stress fracture? It goes away and comes back? It’s never there unless I’m having pain. Does this register or sound familiar at all to anyone?

I saw your original post and hear what you are saying. 🙂

I'll use your language. I did have some fat to trim, relationally speaking. For me its been relationships with liberal friends that have been damaged- and I'm not certain I shall try to repair it based on what I've learned. I'm politically in the middle and people who know me, know that I am considered, sincere, and respectful. I am also a person of faith- which supersedes political affiliations and positions...but do not put me in a box. While I lean more conservative on a few more things than liberal, I am 100% in between. I fit no where. And on good days, its pretty cool to have a very diverse circle of family and friends. And I intentionally keep relationships with people who do not think the same as me- its harder, but healthier in some ways to keep perspective. What I've observed is that there needs to be mutual respect to make this diverse circle work- not just the "I'll wait till you're done talking so I can talk" but an actual foundation of respect. For me, COVID has highlighted those friendships where people are NOT in that place. Differences of opinion are great- but disrespect for differences and making broad generalizations is not ok with me. Relationships have been damaged in 2 ways. First, those who have been judgmental of choices or opinions or perspectives different than their own- not even thinly veiled or subtle or engaging in thoughtful conversation- just specific, judgmental and harsh. Just so harsh. Its so difficult to engage with that kind of closed thought process. Secondly, those who have become almost toxic with every event/circumstance/issue circling back to political ideology. For my friends who share Christian faith, this has been particularly hurtful. It's as if politics are the now the new defining standard- this has somehow sharpened since COVID. I cannot tell you how damaging this has been to our faith community as well as personal relationships.

That makes sense for POTS.... walking is ok for many as muscles are contracting and stimulating blood flow but standing in place is no bueno. My DD16 who has POTS works in delivery fulfillment at Target (shopping for people’s orders) and frequently has shifts with 16-20k steps per day. It’s tiring but doable. But milling about in a museum or standing in line makes her feel horrible almost immediately. For some with milder, less debilitating levels of POTS, it’s the “only normal” a lot of people have ever known - and it’s only after diagnosis that they look back and understand ohhhhh that’s why I do xyz. For the more severe cases it’s obvious something is very wrong but the symptoms are so complex and overwhelming that most traditional Drs don’t know how to deal with that because of their “pick one issue” treatment mindset. I’ve heard it said it’s the most common condition that you’ve never heard of... meaning there are many cases but not many Drs can diagnose so patients lost interest the shuffle. A Specialist for POTS is able to see the complex cluster of symptoms- and knows that POTS, many times, is not the only disorder present. RE the hives, you might want to look into MCAS as it relates to allergies. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. Again highly complex, not well understood syndrome that is often found with POTS people. I am sorry if I’m fire hosing you- it is not my intent to internet diagnose. All of this is shared from my perspective of having hiked thru a physical hell over the last year and have learned a LOT. I simply want to help shine a light when I can

Do you have any familiarity with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)? That’s what it sounds like to me and it’s been documented as a lingering after affect of COVID- for some triggered into high gear and for others they notice it for the first time. I am in some POTS support groups online and there has been an influx of people being diagnosed with it after having COVID. https://dysautonomiainternational.org/page.php?ID=30 It’s a form of Dysautonomia which is a dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system...responsible for all of the “automatic functions” of the body. The most tell tale sign is Orthostatic intolerance- meaning HR climbs from normal rate when going from seated to standing, and remains elevated when standing because blood is pooling in the lower legs instead of circulating normally- this leads to light headedness, dizziness and fainting. The elevated HR is the body’s attempt to get more blood to the head- STAT. Dysautonomia also causes a bunch of other issues. I have it and my DD16 has a mild case as well. She has traditional POTS and her BP drops when she stands, I have hyperadrenergic POTS and my BP rises a LOT when I stand up. My case was triggered into severe mode after a head trauma. But I had a history of unexplained fainting since teenage years and have likely had a mild case for 20 years. I will also add that it can be tricky to find a Dr familiar with it to diagnose it. I had to do research to find a Dr who could diagnose- an electrophysiologist diagnosed me but knew very little about it - so, I see a specialist for management because the . It can take YEARS for people to be properly diagnosed.

Childhood home till age 18 College dorm (State 2) College apt #1, 2, 3 Grad school apt #1, 2 (State 3) Grad school rental house First Home Second Home (State 4) Third Home (State 5) 10 moves/5 states

That is how my body responds to hydrocodone. I’ve used it twice after surgeries -oral and knee- and while it makes fell me so drowsy, I literally cannot sleep and am awake for hours. it was super frustrating given the circumstances, so I stopped taking it and switched to alternating ibuprofen and acetaminophen for a day or so. Do you need the pain relief? Are you taking them around the clock? IMHO you don’t have to take it just because they prescribed it/gave it to you. But I am pretty low pharmaceutical intervention unless fully indicated and tolerated. Im so sorry for your accident. Gentle hugs and prayers for peace and healing for your body.

This was helpful for me today, thank you for sharing. I really appreciate aspects of the article as I have been through a lot of loss and upending of normalcy prior to COVID, and some of the “ways forward” from this article do indeed ring true. Ten months prior to COVID, I sustained a head injury and subsequent complications that thrust me into a world of complex, chronic illness, and necessitated the loss of my small business. This article addresses several of the issues I have had to begin to work through —namely, previously being go getter/Type A who cannot approach life that way anymore and how to cope with problems that have no solutions. The ambiguous losses with COVID are somehow easier for me to deal with because they are happening to to ALL of us. We have family around the globe and it has affected everyone- even remote villages in India where everyone has internet signal but not necessarily indoor running water. While this is painful and devastating. I find comfort not being “the only person I know” facing these ambiguous losses and it gives context to how COVID affects is all differently, based on socioeconomic standing. I believe the article could have expanded to acknowledge that some people have been financially devastated by COVID- not coping by treating themselves to eating out or using a meal delivery system. Yes, these changes and losses of normalcy are profound and significant but that in greater context most people reading that kind of article are likely insulated from significant hardship by privilege or simple luck- and have not been significantly financially impacted by COVID. The fact that the financial aspect wasn’t mentioned at all is what signals privilege to me, because it is a reality for millions and millions of people. ( I am most certainly the only person know in a meaningful capacity who has lost a business due to COVID) Also, while yes- we deal with these changes within ourselves and need to rely on spectacular inner resources that need replenishment, we can draw incredible strength from within the context of community- as all of our friends, co workers and family members are facing significant upheaval as well. That is a significant boost as opposed to going through it alone. I liked “If you stay in the rational when nothing else is rational, like right now, then you’ll just stress yourself more,” she says. “What I say with ambiguous loss is the situation is crazy, not the person. The situation is pathological, not the person.” This is how I, LarlaB, have coped. I have watched Drs and therapists be taken aback by my bullet points from the severe challenges of my life over the last 15 months of my life. I can never tire of hearing validation that the circumstances I have dealt with are overwhelming and crazy. I also liked: “Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass. But humans can get better at anything with practice, so at least I now have some ideas for working on my sea legs.” That is also a helpful way to name what we are experiencing. When trying to stand in the dinghy for the first time, we will likely quickly sit back down. But in time we grow in our ability to accomplish this!

It has been so hot and smoky here’s I can’t wait till cold weather comes. We are in CO and winter is so wonderful (we aren’t skiers). It’s all about gear IMHO

Same here. We got an annual Instacart subscription last year after my head injury- so over 70+ deliveries (Costco, Sams, Kroger, Sprouts etc). It was always shopped and delivered by the same person. Always.

OP again- we have a lot of chore structure and delegation in place as I was severely limited for 6-8 months. And I worked 30+ hours a week prior to that, My kids are pretty involved and have set chores- trash, mowing, DIY laundry, grocery help, get the mail, general cleaning and special projects. I also am sensitive to how difficult this has been for them and prioritize them just being kids sometimes, who want to be with their friends- of course, now in a COVID world. I am pleased with work balance and their help in the home. It it’s a delicate balance of expecting our kids contribution to the family and still letting them be kids and shielding them somewhat from prematurely assuming an adult role. They are both extremely responsible and sensitive teenagers. And they do waaaaaay more than most kids I know. DH and I have some baggage in this area.... we have reflected a lot and been as intentional as we can despite sensitivities. My DH is the oldest of 5, and was FULLY homeschooled. He was pushed pretty hard to be an mini adult, overachiever and responsible child- homeschooled by a mom with Borderline PD who is a Narcissist- it was a very mom/parent centric household, which was quite damaging. My childhood home has significant issues as well. So DH and I are more sensitive than most to the family structure being centered around the needs or wishes of the parents. (BTW, he graduated with honors and 4 of the 5 kids (in his completely homeschooled family) have Masters Degrees- one has a PhD in Efonomics). So by homeschooling standards they are an enormous success, but Interpersonally, and as a family unit, it’s pretty rough. My point?!?!? It’s very important to us, despite our present challenges, to maintain the appropriate balance and roles in our family and not swing too hard to leaning on our kids for support. They are already very involved and I’m quite pleased with that. I do need to keep leaning into that but don’t want to flip roles.

My Dd16 has POTS as well, but a more mild case. She was working 30 hours a week at Target this Summer and did quite well if she stayEd hydrated with electrolytes and isn’t simply standing or milling about. Her issues quickly appear in heat, inadequate hydration and standing. But, like me, she has a tough mind and constitution And is a go getter...... We are now cognizant that at some point a trauma or stress could also push her case into more severe symptoms and have worked with her to pull back a bit and not push herself past 80% anymore.

Some stores are better than others. My DD16 works at Target in fulfillment (shipping up to 200 packages an hour while juggling drive up orders in 2 hours). I had no idea the level of inventory madness within a SuperTarget on top of the crazy demands/deadlines/expectations placed on the order fulfillers. No idea at all. DD16 is super capable, responsible and a very hard worker. That’s likely why she was hired on the spot. It seems so simple when I think of how I shop...but hearing DDs stories, I realize it’s not that simple and sometimes employees are not so bright and usually it’s a pressurized work environment. When you are constantly behind on orders, penalized with your ratings for not finding every.single thing instantly, measured on how fast you can fill and order.... all while walking 20k steps a day amongst a regular customer filled store and trying to zooooom as quickly as humanly possible while making presumably $12 an hour (don’t know much Walmart employees make- DD makes $15)... it’s not shocking.l that things aren’t done well. Thankfully Target does an excellent job. Im not trying shame anyone but at the end of the day I am super grateful for the convenience of picking up groceries this way- so much so, I can and will overlook just about everything. And I have compassion for the challenge of the job in a way I didn’t before. LOL

I've been so incapacitated over the last year, that we have come up with lots of structure, shortcuts and systems. Now that I've improved quite a bit, I have been able to take on more responsibility but still take shortcuts as often as possible. Yes, as you probably recall we spoke about this before....POTS is one of my issues. I have hyperadrenergic POTS so a slightly different animal. I have been fortunate to find medication that helps in addition to several alternative therapies and have gotten chunks of my life back. It is a world of difference from 8 months ago!

This is helpful to hear. I am hopeful that in time, he will adjust to the schedule and be able to live a little. We don't expect that the first 3 months. I think there can be advantages to this schedule! Guarding his sleep is the biggest concern. I think he is overly optimistic at being able to do both jobs. I replied to a PP..some weeks insurance is 30-40 hours. Some weeks it is much less. It is difficult to easily structure. I do need to be realistic about what I can take on- I am hopeful that we can make it work.

Yes- I am planning on assuming most of the household responsibilities and being surprised when he can pitch in. He used to travel extensively for work (being gone 2 weeks at a time) so I have a memory of how to being a pseudo 'single' parent. Daytime office hours are fluid. Some weeks insurance literally demands 30-40 hours. Some weeks, only 5-10. It comes in waves. We have the option to outsource some of the work if needed but DH isn't ready to take that step yet.

This is helpful to hear that other families have sustained this schedule with older kiddos. Thank you! One of DH's best friends is an ER doc so he has been helpful- but his kiddos are younger and his parents are super involved so its a little different. Kids school is 3 days at home/2 remote- academically rigorous and adhering to normal schedule. They just started this week and will need some help these first few weeks- Spring schooling was so easy compared to this, so it will be an adjustment. The upside is that DD's dual enrollment classes are now remote.... so no extra driving for that. She won't have her license for 5 months, so once she can drive it will be a huge pressure relief. We have sleeping arrangements worked out.

We are small business owners who have been impacted by COVID. Our primary source of income is no more. DH has taken a job as a night shift delivery person in a specific industry. They've seen a huge surge in business with COVID so its a stable industry, the job pays well and its a great company. In this ridiculous job market where literally hundreds of people apply for one position in a single week (we are greater Denver area) we are fortunate. Never mind we heavily altered his resume to remove his MDiv and being former president of a company, and are a bit traumatized by all of this. Never mind indeed. It's 5 nights a week. Now, DH is almost 4 years into establishing an insurance agency, with 2-3 years until it is mature enough to stand on its own. He is hopeful he can juggle both jobs for 2-3 years. I'm not so sure but am trying to be optimistic. I am looking for tips on how to best support him and adjust to this. I am physically compromised (moderate head injury last year triggered a significant cluster of health issues). I have heavily and relied on DH so much since my accident last year- I used to be quite a powerhouse of a woman. To now be supporting him and back into primary parent role in the span of a few weeks is just whiplash. I certainly can't do it the way he would do it or the way I would have done it prior to my medical issues. But I will try. DH & I are very close and have a great relationship so we will make it work. We need to find a way to make it work for our kids. This has been traumatic for them this past 15 months- watching me struggle to cut an apple, passing out, forgetting words, go into tachycardia episodes...well, ...its been difficult for them. Then COVID happened and on top of their lives being turned upside down again, we then lost a business. And then a close family member died. And then my mom, with whom we are very close, was just diagnosed with cancer. Holy crap. We can't even pretend to protect them from these realities, but have done our very best as parents to celebrate, laugh and stay emotionally available with and connected to our kids. They are doing pretty well! We are SO very blessed even though so many things have gone so terribly wrong. But I digress. Tips on how to do this!!!!

I have a family member and friends in that region and know that Lebanon has been through so much- this devastation hurts my heart. 😪

Can you see there is a continuum of how others might view the same information and come to a conclusion different than your own? We already lost our small business back in March due to COVID shutdowns. That was 4 months ago and 70% of our income. My husband now delivers Amazon packages so everyone can stay !hunkered down! and !safe at home! I deeply hope your DH doesn’t lose his job, but I personally wouldn’t blame it on people not wearing masks and making different life choices. You are drawing somewhat wild conclusions.

Absolutely! It is possible. And very likely. Not everyone is blind to risks or casual in decisions- they are weighing their options. it IS a profoundly unpopular opinion here on WTM to do much beyond hunker down and get your Amazon stuff delivered. I agree with the head of the CDC and Bill Gates and several other prominent voices who have recently said it is the interest of public health to open schools. Statements like that sure seems to be about more than the science of how a virus spreads and takes many factors into consideration. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/07/31/cdc-warns-congress-of-significant-public-health-consequences-if-schools-dont-reopen-in-the-fall.html

If the speakers are local, maybe a gift certificate to a local eatery or coffee shop or relevant shop (related to conference theme), or small item like tea, honey, hand lotion etc. In the past, a sincere, meaningful hand written card has always meant the most to me when I’ve volunteered or been a leader/speaker. If speakers are not local, then digital gift cards (simply because the cost of shipping items will eat ups. Tom)..

Nm