Share your letters to in-laws ......

[poppy]

Dear  MIL,

The Five Love Languages is  not an academic treatise. You are not educating me by sharing insights from your feel good book.  Please learn to take a hint when I change the subject!

 

Dear BIL,

If you want to try your tricks from the Art of Persuasion book you got, maybe don't inform me in advance that you just read The Art of Persuasion and learned a lot. Before mirroring my movements, using lots of repetition, agreeing with what I say before spinning it a different way...  ya fool.

 

Dear Nephew,

You are adorable.  Keep it up.

[myfunnybunch]

😄

 

Dear MIL,

 

We love you. We come to your house to spend Christmas Eve with you. Please tell us what time you actually want us to come, then relax and enjoy your day. That way, you won't have the ham and other food ready by 1:00 for a 4:00 dinner, panic because we're not there, put it all back in the fridge, put it all back in the oven, cook it til it's virtually inedible, then fuss and flutter anxiously about the whole thing when we arrive at 3:30 ready to help you finish the meal and eat at 4:00.

 

P.S. Haricots verts are a variety known as French green beans, but it's unlikely that they were actually imported from France.

P.P.S. I hate scalloped potatoes from a box. They have never been my favorite.

 

Sigh. I know I sound horribly mean-spirited. Every year, I smile and eat everything except the potatoes--I even put applesauce on my ham this year--and offer help and try to be as loving and reassuring as I can possibly be. I really do honor the love she has for us all and that she wants us to have a special meal. I really don't even care about the food so much as I just wish she'd relax and enjoy and not try SO hard or worry so much about pleasing us. Thanks for a spot to anonymously let off a little of my get-on-over-myself steam. :)

[Guest]

Mom,

Please, no more religious books. The kids don't read them and they are clutter we don't need.

[CindyH in NC]

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. 

 

Dear MIL,

 

Comparing grandchildren is not cool.

But most importantly, teenage girls do not need you to talk about their weight multiple times in an hour long visit. 

My oldest knows she is underweight, and is working with a doctor.  You would know these things if we could trust you to not "discuss"

this with everyone you come in contact with. Her sister is a normal weight, but when you question if she's lost weight over and over you will make her uncomfortable.

Thank you.

 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

Mine got too long, but it was cathartic just writing it!

[Annie G]

Dear SIL, 

As we are more than 1000 miles away, I appreciate that you offered to take video of FIL opening the very special Shutterfly book I made. However, starting the video when he began opening the mailer it came in (really, you couldn't wrap it for him?) and then ENDING the video just as he got the package open is pretty passive aggressive.  Like, you couldn't have added ten seconds more and let dh see his dad take the book out of the package? 

 

PS. I'm not coming down to help you move next month.  So stop asking. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Dear MIL,

 

Thanks for noticing out loud my tummy pooch and panicking that I might be pregnant.  (I'm not).  Thanks for that big sigh of relief and the "thank God!" when you found out I'm not.  Then telling me to "lose it quick!"  

 

:-)  I love my MIL, but she is absolutely horrified with our family size (while still loving all the kids just fine) and can't bear the idea that it might get bigger (it won't, but it drives me nuts that anyone would have any opinion about our family size)  

[Sara in AZ]

Dear MIL,

 

I'm glad you appreciated the new Christmas PJ's, but maybe you could have changed into them in privacy in your room instead of right there on the Couch? Also, I hope you appreciate your amazingly loyal son who wouldn't even laugh with me about the incident.

 

Best Wishes,

Me

 

 

Love this thread! So sorry about all the Christmas drama for everyone!

[Cecropia]

Dear FIL and SIL,

 

Could you please tell us point-blank what is going on with adult gift exchange, BEFORE Christmas.  I know clear communication really isn't your thing, but could you possibly make an exception here?  This year you didn't send anything to DH and I except a set of measuring spoons, while we sent you three gifts to open and over $150 in gift cards.  In previous years our gifts were somewhat evenly matched, and we are confused.  It's not that we need more stuff, but driving around collecting all these things for you with a young baby and a crazy 2yo is not the easiest thing in the world (not to mention the time involved), and I'd rather not do it next year if it is optional.  Thanks...

 

[to be fair, they sent a lot to the kids]

[Miss Peregrine]

Dear MIL,

 

We miss you. :(

[Melissa in Australia]

We don't even celebrate Christmas but had to have a foster kids parent contact a few days before.

 

Dear nutters, thanks for all the battery operated noisemaker toys that you once again a got for your very developmentaly delayed children. Once more they can just sit there pushing buttons for hours and hours instead of using any other part of their body/ mind to play.

[Butter]

Dear MIL,

We hope you are loving your time in England with your sister.  It was weird not Skyping you today.

 

and

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Where the heck are you?  I keep trying to call and you know I am a ridiculous worrier so even though we texted back and forth several times already today, I'm envisioning all sorts of crazy things.

 

 

Yeah... just not much drama here lol

[OneStepAtATime]

Dear MIL, 

 

I love you a ton and I know this is a challenging Christmas for you, but since you specifically said you were hosting Christmas this year and you have done it every year for years (well over a decade), when you abruptly headed off to another state to go on vacation for the entirety of the Holiday season it would have been nice to get at least a text message explaining the change in plans. :confused1:   :laugh:

 

Dear me, 

Next time maybe taking the Halloween decorations off the door before Christmas would help add to the Christmas spirit instead of scaring the fill-in UPS dude.   :leaving:

[Guest]

Dear MIL and FIL,

 

This is our third Christmas since your unexpected and sudden passings. We miss you tremendously, even your silly idiosyncrasies that used to drive us crazy.

 

Love,

DIL

Edited December 25, 2016 by Kinsa

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Dear MIL & FIL,

 

I get it now and I'm sorry. I wish we would have stayed in CO so we could have had family holidays and you would have had closer relationships with my children. With each passing year, the realities of life (aging, illness, births, deaths) all become more important and I regret the lost time and experiences. 

 

We miss you.

DIL

[Granny_Weatherwax]

It's not to my inlaws but...

 

Mom,

Why would you send catholic school uniforms to your DGGD who is in public school kindergarten?

 

 

[Liz CA]

Dear MIL,

 

I'm glad you appreciated the new Christmas PJ's, but maybe you could have changed into them in privacy in your room instead of right there on the Couch? Also, I hope you appreciate your amazingly loyal son who wouldn't even laugh with me about the incident.

 

Best Wishes,

Me

 

 

Love this thread! So sorry about all the Christmas drama for everyone!

 

OMG. :huh:

[Guest]

Dear SIL...why do you think you are better than everyone else, and don't miss an opportunity to talk down to your brother? He may be able to ignore it, but I think it makes you seem like a stuck up b*tch. If I am thankful for one thing this Christmas, it's the fact that you are so wrapped up in yourself that you never want to spend Christmas together. I don't think I can keep my opinion if you to myself anymore.

 

-----Ugh. My dh was known to drink and smoke when he was younger. He's not perfect but he's also not the young guy he was way back then. He called her to tell her Merry Christmas, and she mentioned the house fire. Instead of asking if we were ok, she said "So what, did you pass out smoking a cigarette and start your house on fire?" He just rolled his eyes and reminded her he doesn't drink or smoke and hasn't in years. I sat here and wanted to reach through the phone and smack her. I wish someone would knock her off the pedestal she put herself on.

[nrg]

Dear MIL

Thank you for the wonderful Christmas family party. Thank you for loving your young adult grandchildren so thoroughly even when they are not doing things of which you approve and are not following in your path. They are comfortable with you and know they are loved unconditionally. They willing sing carols when they are not Christians for you. You are my example of a real adult.  I am grateful for how this brings us all together. I am so happy to be a part of your family.

[Laura Corin]

Dear Mum

 

Your astonishment when we do normal caring things for you breaks my heart.  All those years of suspicion and distress that you endured, when you couldn't trust the world to be kind to you.

 

Love

 

L

[Garga]

Dear Mom and Dad,

 

Why in the world did you get it into your brains that I liked my MIL and FIL better than you? That can't be further from the truth. I find my in-laws very difficult to deal with as we seem to think so oppositely on just about every issue. But for some reason, you allowed a complete lie to take over your thoughts toward me. You allowed it to make you think I was embarrassed to be around you and that I was trying to be like my in-laws. It wasn't true. I adored every moment I got to spend with you and would die inside every time I was around my picky, snippy in-laws.

 

But because you felt betrayed from a lie that never happened, you left in a huff and moved 2000 miles away.

 

Oh, the joy I felt when I had my first son and you moved back after 8 years of us being apart! I thought we were having such a great time together. I loved being able to drive over to see you whenever I wanted instead of only seeing you once every 4 years for a few days b/c plane tickets were prohibitively expensive.

 

But then your weird border-personality-disorder friend you had in Arizona got mad at you for moving away and she knew you doubted my love, so she poisoned your minds against me AGAIN and convinced you to move out there with her--and you signed a contract on a house with her, sight unseen, and a month after my second son was born you were gone. Again. This time 2500 miles away. We only had 2 years together as a family and you left me. Again. And for good.

 

And so my kids don't know you and I've missed out on 20 years of time with you. You were my best friend, Mom, but you chose to believe a complete lie. I can't even express the pain this whole weirdness has caused me.

 

And I can't believe I only found out that you were believing this lie 2 days before Christmas, so I spent yet another Christmas crying over how much I miss you, but this time it was tinged with hatred toward your bpd friend and regret/frustration that I didn't realize you thought I was betraying you with the in-laws. The in-laws! I find them soooo difficult to handle and you thought I liked them better than you? My best friend? Why? Why did you secretly believe this about me??

 

Love,

 

Your daughter who will try to put this out of her mind now for the rest of her life, because the thought that I could have had 20 years with you but it was all lost for a lie is more than my heart can bear. I'll see you maybe 8 or so more times in my life before you're gone in death because I just can't afford those damn plane tickets.

[Garga]

Dp

Edited December 25, 2016 by Garga

[Hyacinth]

Dear SIL...why do you think you are better than everyone else, and don't miss an opportunity to talk down to your brother? He may be able to ignore it, but I think it makes you seem like a stuck up b*tch. If I am thankful for one thing this Christmas, it's the fact that you are so wrapped up in yourself that you never want to spend Christmas together. I don't think I can keep my opinion if you to myself anymore.

 

-----Ugh. My dh was known to drink and smoke when he was younger. He's not perfect but he's also not the young guy he was way back then. He called her to tell her Merry Christmas, and she mentioned the house fire. Instead of asking if we were ok, she said "So what, did you pass out smoking a cigarette and start your house on fire?" He just rolled his eyes and reminded her he doesn't drink or smoke and hasn't in years. I sat here and wanted to reach through the phone and smack her. I wish someone would knock her off the pedestal she put herself on.

 

I so get this.

 

When he was a teen, my husband was a bit of a mischief maker. Whenever we get together with his sister, she inevitably brings up "that time when" (insert one of three predictable stories featuring young and drunk dh here). Never mind that he's pushing 60 and hasn't been featured in a good inebriation tale in, oh, three or four decades now. This is how she prefers to remember him, and it's the picture that she wants to convey to our children about him. It's lovely.  

 

[athomeontheprairie]

Garga, I'm so very sorry.

[Garga]

Dear MIL,

 

I know you try so hard to be a good MIL and grandma. But I need you to completely change your world view. You see the negative and problems in everything and I need you to be happy and see the good. I need you not to think you're helping by pointing out all the problems in an idea, and instead to join in and see how we can make something happen. No more negative Nelly. No more Eeyore. And I need you to listen to what I'm saying in an accepting manner, rather than me feeling like I'm the defense attorney in front of a judge/jury trying to state my case. I'd like to just say something without a, "Well, I don't know. Maybe...." Just a, "Heck yeah! That's a great idea!" once in a while would be great.

 

And I know you don't even know you do this to me, but you make me feel like nothing I do is good enough or well thought out enough. Which is crazy because I'm an INTJ so I *always* overthink *everything.*

[Acadie]

Dear IL who shall remain nameless, and is hosting extended family for the first time in middle adulthood,

 

I heard you were stressed about meals for everyone for several days and I get that, because I've been hosting family gatherings for 20 years and I know it's a lot of work. That's why I offered to make dinner one evening for the family when we are there. But then you asked if I could make it a dinner party for 18-22 people, so that the family could meet your friends. Oh, and you'll be working that night, until the exact time you've invited guests to come over.

 

Um, no thanks! By the time we see you, I will have already hosted Christmas Eve and Christmas for immediate family and friends this year. I don't need to host your dinner party as well! I'll still make dinner for extended family one night, but somehow the joy of contributing isn't there anymore. And I'm not sure I'll be offering again....

 

Sincerely,

 

Your IL

 

 

 

 

 

 

[trulycrabby]

Dear MIL;

 

Thank you for putting up with me all of these years. Also, thanks for smiling instead of grumbling when I brought home a bearded dragon, thirty land hermit crabs, a cat, two dogs, and two more cats. And thanks for not freaking out when we kept the black widow spider as a science project.

 

 

Love,

trulycrabby

[Guest]

I so get this.

 

When he was a teen, my husband was a bit of a mischief maker. Whenever we get together with his sister, she inevitably brings up "that time when" (insert one of three predictable stories featuring young and drunk dh here). Never mind that he's pushing 60 and hasn't been featured in a good inebriation tale in, oh, three or four decades now. This is how she prefers to remember him, and it's the picture that she wants to convey to our children about him. It's lovely.

 

Yep exactly. She revels in pointing out his flaws, no matter how old they are. Her new boyfriend knew him when he was younger too and constantly trashes him to people. At least one of the three of them has grown up. 😑

[PinkTulip]

Dear MIL,

 

My kids love you with all of their hearts, but you are like a tornado when you walk into my house. Your super-loud voice and your talking non-stop is exhausting. I can't possibly answer your millions of questions (if I told you who asked my niece to her school dance, would you even know who I'm talking about?!), and I don't especially appreciate being told things about my own life ("your school has one of the best science teachers in the state") Really? I'm only on my third kid with this teacher. I had no idea he was so phenomenal ... Eye roll. Or you talking over anyone else who tries to get a word in. My quiet, peaceful home is turned upside down when your huge personality comes in and sucks up all the air.

 

This is why I suddenly get busy cleaning out cupboards and doing other activities when you come over.

[MercyA]

I'm so sorry, Garga.  :(

[displace]

Dear Dad,

 

Thank you for overwhelmingly dominating the conversation so I don't have to talk to ILs! I love you!

[Rachel]

Dear inlaws,

 

Sorry it took so long to get to know you. You really are great people. I'm sorry for all the years I wanted to change you instead of accepting you for who you are. Thank you for lunch today, for raising an incredible husband, and for loving my kids.

[Anne]

(((Garga)))

 

I am so sorry~

 

Anne

[gardenmom5]

garga - :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:   I am so sorry. 

 

and hugs to all those who have to deal with the drama.

[MomatHWTK]

Dear MIL, 

Thank you for your generous and no strings attached gift. We haven't always gotten along. But when we needed someone to step up and care for us, you did. You have shown me how normal families people handle conflicts. 

[RioSamba]

(((Garga)))

[Tap]

Dear (step) MIL,

 

Love you. Love spending time with you. Love how generous you are with the kids. But...Can we please stop exchanging $100 checks. LOL 

 

Love your adoring DIL.

[Paige]

Dear MIL,

 

Thank you for not bringing our gifts to the official family celebration and forcing us to go to your house to get them thus making us late to my family's party. You could have easily given them to us when we were at your house right before the party but we appreciate driving back and forth. I don't know if I even appreciate your honesty for telling me you did it on purpose. Also, normal people don't ask grandkids what they got their parents for Christmas, and then tell the parents what it is before they have opened presents. WTH, Grandma?! Thanks for ruining my kid's surprise for me.

 

Dear Dad,

When I say I don't like to eat breakfast and only want coffee it doesn't mean, "Make me a plate of eggs, biscuits, bacon, mushrooms, donuts, potatoes, and sausage and make sure I eat it all."

 

Dear Mom,

My kids don't need another mother. Quit picking on them and telling me I have to deal with it. I really don't.

 

Dear FIL, SIL, and BIL,

You all are so nice. Thank you for not watching football all day this year.

[kewb]

Dear MIL. Thank you for continually treating us like the red headed step children.

For making us celebrate Chanukah around niece's college schedule and now that it is our turn making the plans around your vacation schedule instead of our son's college schedule. Even though you were able to reschedule vacation plans so our son could be at your birthday party. Would it have been so difficult to combine it with Chanukah?

It would also be nice if you could let up on the passive aggressive judgement of our life choices.

[AmandaVT]

Dear MIL, 

 

Thank you so much for teaching me how to make the famous broccoli casserole! It's amazing and we all love it (even though I cringed a bit when we started with melting 2 sticks of butter!!)

 

Also, I am very grateful that BIL didn't poison your mind again this year and we had such a lovely visit. Everyone gets along wonderfully when the NPD person doesn't try to ruin things. 

 

Love, DIL

[Carol in Cal.]

Dear birth grandmother of my cousin's son,

Polling the Christmas dinner table as to, specifically, 'whether each or any one of you voted for Trump' was rude and uncalled for.  Doing so specifically to start a fight over whether voting for a third party candidate was a wasted vote with someone with whom you had obviously already had that fight several times during the past 2 months or so was quite pointless, particularly since ironically enough the two questions have almost nothing to do with each other, AND we all live in a 'foregone conclusion' state from an electoral college standpoint.  I love you, but shoot. 

Thank you for your kind attention.

 

[Guest]

Dear In-laws,

 

Thank you for finally listening to Christmas gift suggestions and buying things the kids will actually use instead of crap or completely age inappropriate toys. I can overlook the whoopee cushion since everything else is so awesome.

 

Xoxo,

Your SIL/DIL

[Janeway]

MIL (no dear),

 

I am better than you.

 

No Love, Me

[bolt.]

Dear MIL,

 

Every time we spend a day with you, my DH starts the next day by misinterpreting everything I say.

 

He seems to think that all of my completely transparent logical questions require his attention to the many plausible passive-aggressive implications that they (certainly do not) contain.

 

Just how can he possibly avoid the many ways I am (certainly not) implying he could accidentally secretly disappoint me as I muse my way towards a plan for my day? I suppose he will just have to loudly resent the unreasonable expectations (absolutely not) implied by my inquiries about how he plans to spend his day.

 

It couldn't be that I just wanted to know the many non-disappointing answers to the things I asked him about -- could it? Inconceivable!

 

I wonder why that might be?

 

Looking forward to when the echos of your dysfunctional mothering wear off,

Love, DIL.

[BigMamaBird]

Dear In-Laws,

 

After you intentionally left Dh out of your Christmas celebrations last year, you did nothing to help repair the damage to your relationship with him by starting Christmas dinner before we even got there this year.  He did nothing but take care of you during MIL's medical dramas all summer and this is how you repay him?  I'm finding it increasingly harder and harder to be civil to you people.

 

 

Edited December 27, 2016 by BigMamaBird

[AnnE-girl]

Dear Cousin,

I've never seen you looking so happy and relaxed at a family party as you did while introducing your partner to the family. I'm happy for you that you are comfortable coming out to all the extended family finally.

Sincerely,

Your cousin who is so glad to see you actually smiling

Edited December 27, 2016 by AnnE-girl

[Arctic Bunny]

Dear MIL,

 

Every time we spend a day with you, my DH starts the next day by misinterpreting everything I say.

 

He seems to think that all of my completely transparent logical questions require his attention to the many plausible passive-aggressive implications that they (certainly do not) contain.

 

Just how can he possibly avoid the many ways I am (certainly not) implying he could accidentally secretly disappoint me as I muse my way towards a plan for my day? I suppose he will just have to loudly resent the unreasonable expectations (absolutely not) implied by my inquiries about how he plans to spend his day.

 

It couldn't be that I just wanted to know the many non-disappointing answers to the things I asked him about -- could it? Inconceivable!

 

I wonder why that might be?

 

Looking forward to when the echos of your dysfunctional mothering wear off,

Love, DIL.

But, but, that's MY MIL!! How many times in the next week will I hear, "What do you mean?"

[Arctic Bunny]

Dear MIL;

 

I'm not sure what to make of it when you say you wished our dog was smaller so you could look after him for us so he wouldn't have to stay at a kennel (a place he loves with all his doggy heart, by the way). Not only has our dog never been allowed to set paw in your house due to potentially leaving a hair behind, which is why we kennel him, so I'm not sure how his size come into it.... but, you've never even agreed to look after our very well-behaved children for a couple of hours so we could see a movie or *gasp* go out for dinner. Where did the idea of looking after our DOG for 10 days come from?!

 

And I'm not sure what message you're sending when we spontaneously go visit your friends and you suddenly remember you've told them we might be coming to stay with you at your vacation home so that they don't make plans to stay with you, meaning you have to ask us to lie for you if it comes up.

 

But, I do want to thank you for finally buying me clothes in the size I actually am, instead of the size you insist I must be, although I am flattered. As you can see, I wear them much more if they fit!

 

Also, DFIL, if you could not nitpick and criticize every little thing about your son, it would made him less stressed out and snappy before your arrival, which in turn would make us all a lot happier.

 

Overall, it has been a very pleasant visit, and I'm very glad for that!

[Ann.without.an.e]

Dear MIL,

No, we don't have the quietest kids in the world.  They are only quiet around you.  You invite us over and then act sort of mad that we showed up. It is as confusing as...%#$&.

 

You said you didn't want to see us anymore, yet you send Christmas and Birthday cards with printed messages and nothing personal.  How are we supposed to respond to that?  What do you want from us?  

 

 

Dear FIL,

You are manipulative and controlling.  You are a bully.  Your grandkids are scared of you.

 

 

Dear dad,

I understand that you are vehemently against alcohol so my siblings and I simply wait until after you leave to open the wine.  :lol:

 

Dear mom,

You are the best.

 

 

 

 

[readinmom]

Dear ILs,

 

Thanks for guilting us into hosting Christmas this year, only to have everyone back out.  Also, the phone call about having to drive out to pick up Christmas cards instead of putting them in the mail.   (150 miles)

 

Dear Mom,

Thanks for putting up with us when you said don't come over.  One of the best Christmases ever!  Perfect dinner, perfect company... :001_tt1: