Share your letters to in-laws ......

[school17777]

Dear Relatives,

 

Please listen to me when I tell you what size dd is in. Just because you think that size that I tell you looks too big, so you get the size below, doesn't mean that I don't know what size my child wears. Now I have to return the cute outfit you got and it is very unlikely that I will be able to find the same thing in her current size to match her cousins since you got them all matching outfits. A very cute idea, but needs to be in her size.

 

Also, please believe me when I say that we don't need ANYMORE craft stuff. I probably already have every craft item that you can imagine from the older kids so we don't need any kid craft kits. It will sit around as clutter, especially when the craft is complicated and requires help from me. If you really want to give the craft kit, please buy it for something to have at your house and you can help dd weave bracelets with fun designs or paint pottery or color velvet posters, or design a pinewood derby car (that can't be used at the pinewood derby race - has to be a kit purchased from them) at your house when dd visits with you.

 

The next time dd visits you, I will be sure to send the latest kit with her so the two can figure it out. Have fun with that.

[Home'scool]

Dear MIL ~

I still get peeved every time I think about my first Christmas married, and how I wanted to host Christmas Eve, and you basically pouted and cried the whole time because YOU like to have all the holidays and they always have to be at YOUR house. That was a really bitchy thing to do to a new bride.

 

Dear SIL ~

Thanks for the one Christmas that you hosted but were obviously pissed over something (one never knows because you are so passive aggressive) so you decided to make a roast beef and microwave corn ..... and nothing else. No gravy. No bread. No other sides. No appetizers. Just beef and corn. And for making us all balance our plates on our laps because you wouldn't clear off your dining room table. I still remember trying to pass the roast beef to your BIL and having him say that he was a vegetarian and watching him eat one scoop of microwave corn for Christmas dinner. Oh, and having the only choice of drink being either water or your kid's Juicy Juice was a nice touch too.

 

 

 

[Supertechmom]

Dear MIL

 

Thanks for moving to a state 5 1/2 hours away which translates to 7 hours with our gang resulting in the inability of us to coordinate 2 very different work schedules in addition to your travel schedule to arrange a visit.  Thanks for traveling through our town to go on a 10 day cruise a month ago (port was 12 hours away from their home) and refusing to come by to see us, despite  the proximity of our house to the interstate you were traveling on, and instead insisting we meet you at a restaurant and then bitching over the cost as gluten free restaurants for a family of 6 isn't as cheap as Wendy's.

 

  We really appreciate the fact that you, less than a month after the cruise, are too weak to come visit us during the holidays (either of them) which means you also missed two birthdays and a recital in which all the kids are in.  And scared that we might be sick at Christmas and contaminate you and make you sick. So, you wouldn't come visit us at all during one of the biggest and most packed months we have involving the kids. BUT, you did attend your great niece and nephew's yearly church play 4 hours away from your house and sit in a large, packed church during Dec/flu season/stomach bug (all the kids in the play and the adults at church were fighting  upper respiratory or gi bugs) because they would be disappointed not to see you there and you couldn't disappoint them.

 

Please stop texting me and your son to complain that our older kids do not return your phone calls or texts or emails.    I know you want to keep in contact but seeing your smiling face with other children at their church event on FB when you have never attended a recital or play of their's and refused to visit for any birthdays this year or holidays does not lend them to taking time to call you.

 

And please let it go that your son refuses to acknowledge any and all of his step siblings by your new husband.   The man is 70 something years old. His youngest child is 60 something.  Your 45 year old son is just not going to make it all one big happy family. Sorry you are butt hurt over it, but get over it. He's not going to change his mind.

 

 

  

[alisoncooks]

Dear Niece (-in-law),

 

At Thanksgiving, I asked you what I could give your preschool-aged son for Christmas.  You poo-poo'd my current idea and TOLD ME that he is "really into Thomas the Train" stuff.  So I change my plan and bought him TtT stuff.  However, when said little fella opened his present on Christmas Eve, I HEARD YOU mutter to your sister, "Like he doesn't already have a hundred of these at home." With an eye roll...  

 

Next year, I'm getting him whatever the heck I want.  You get no say.  It'll probably be obnoxiously loud and require 43 batteries.

 

Best wishes,

Your Aunt (who is the same age as you which is kinda weird)

[alisoncooks]

dp

Edited December 27, 2016 by alisoncooks

[vickjul]

(Deleting b/c thread is publicly searchable)

Edited December 29, 2016 by vickjul

[6packofun]

Dear MIL,

 

I know that you can drive safely the 2 hours it takes to get to our house so that we don't have to rent a vehicle because ours suck and yours doesn't because you don't seem to have a problem driving 4+ hours to visit friends and go to your old hair stylist. Stop manipulating your son.  

 

Also, I wish you had taught that son better hygiene.

 

Your loving DIL

 

(Btw, this is the ONLY complaining I can do about an otherwise wonderful woman.  lol)

[cjzimmer1]

Dear MIL,

 

Thank you for making my daughter cry.  She worked hard to earn money to buy you a present with her own money and spent all week making small gifts to give you.  When you stopped by to drop off the kids gifts she was in the back room wrapping your present.  The relative you sent in with the presents was in the house less than 2 minutes.  DD didn't even know you were there.  The other children were equally confused as to why you couldn't be bothered to walk to the door to see them when you have no health reasons that prevent you from coming in. The delivering relative said you didn't have time and was gone before they could get their shoes and socks on, otherwise they would have gladly run out to see you.  My children are very confused since we all know this is the sum total of contact they will have with you until next Christmas despite your living less than 15 minutes away.  At least you save me the stress of wondering if my house was perfectly clean or if I missed something that you would then complain about 5 years down the road.

 

DIL

[Mimm]

Dear inlaws,

 

You're awesome. Keep being you.

 

 

Dear Mom,

 

Your granddaughter is gay. I can't tell you in real life because of how you'll react and I'm worried how she'll feel being shoved in the closet for the holidays even though she acts understanding. You and I have had such a rocky relationship and we've come so far but I'm dreading our next fight.

[poppy]

This thread is an emotional rollercoaster!

I am still stuck on the poor guy who had one scoop of microwave corn for Christmas dinner... did he not get 2 because she was stingy, or did he not *ask* for 2 since: it is microwave corn?

 

 

 

 

Dear blonde SIL:
When you entered our lives as a former model wearing 4 inch designer heels and complaining about your Botox, I prepared myself to either dislike you or to be greatly amused by your antics. But, you know what? You've been nothing but sweet. Thanks for the reminder to not pre-judge based on looks.

 

Dear redhead SIL:
Everything you feel is written across your face plain as day.  I feel for you, I have a pretty lousy poker face myself.  But for the holidays, try REALLY hard to avoid eye rolls ..... the trick is to wear a little smile or slightly pensive look. It takes very little effort. You're 40-something, you should have figure this out by now.  Or maybe you do know this, and don't care enough to disguise your impatience and unhappiness? Go text some more and leave us alone if you're going to not try.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MercyA]

Dear MIL,

 

Thank you for making my daughter cry.  She worked hard to earn money to buy you a present with her own money and spent all week making small gifts to give you.  When you stopped by to drop off the kids gifts she was in the back room wrapping your present.  The relative you sent in with the presents was in the house less than 2 minutes.  DD didn't even know you were there.  The other children were equally confused as to why you couldn't be bothered to walk to the door to see them when you have no health reasons that prevent you from coming in. The delivering relative said you didn't have time and was gone before they could get their shoes and socks on, otherwise they would have gladly run out to see you.  My children are very confused since we all know this is the sum total of contact they will have with you until next Christmas despite your living less than 15 minutes away.  At least you save me the stress of wondering if my house was perfectly clean or if I missed something that you would then complain about 5 years down the road.

 

DIL

 

I am so sorry.  :crying:

[Xahm]

Dear MIL, don't look visibly upset that Santa only brought my kids candy and other edibles. They don't believe in Santa and just wanted the fun of stockings. Plus, while we are grateful, very grateful, for the generosity of you and other family, we don't want our kids to have lots of stuff. Santa can't bring toys to kids who already get a toy store each year. You did do much better at restraining yourself this year. No junky gifts just to be an extra package. Thanks for that a thousand times.

[Home'scool]

This thread is an emotional rollercoaster!

I am still stuck on the poor guy who had one scoop of microwave corn for Christmas dinner... did he not get 2 because she was stingy, or did he not *ask* for 2 since: it is microwave corn?

 

 

I think he did not ask for more because it would have been way too awkward - she only microwaved 2 packages for about 15 people. Seeing him sitting there with a big plate and a small scoop of corn was quite sad! I still, to this day, have no idea why she would agree to host Christmas dinner and then what happened that made her so mad that she would punish all 15 of us! Like I said though, she was the queen of passive-aggressive behavior.

 

 

[Jaybee]

Dear MIL,

It was so good to see you getting around so well with your walker after your fall and recent surgery. I'm glad you finally got to come home. Your good attitude about it all is refreshing. I do wish it didn't bother you so much when we bring the food on our visits. We are not "guests," we are your kids!

 

Dear FIL,

I know that it makes you feel sad and frustrated that you are losing brain function. I can see the confusion on your face, and the lostness you seem to feel when you can't hear, follow a conversational vein, or think of what you are trying to remember. We love you, and wish we could take that loneliness away from you.

[coralloyd]

Dear MIL,

Please stop hinting that I lost a group of friends 5 yrs. back because I was not being loving/forgiving enough, and that it had nothing to do with their gossiping false things about me. Why did I even try to share my pain with you? 

 

Please stop giving me lotions and body wash for Bath & Body Works every single holiday. I have told you more than once that I can't use them anymore because of the parabens in them. Please don't give the kids a bunch of nick nacks and toys that are going to have to be thrown/given away. You know we are currently living in an rv! The gifts I gave you from the kids wish list are thing we have room for. We don't need bags with empty pez dispensers, plastic dinosaurs, things your friend has crocheted, and the like. Where do you think we are going to put all this stuff?

 

Please stop hinting that I should contact or send gifts to BIL in prison. He and dh have no relationship. It is up to dh how much contact we have with him, not me.

 

Just plain stop hinting. It is exhausting having a conversation with you, trying to figure out what you really mean.

[Luckymama]

Dear FIL,

 

Thanks for getting my older two exactly what they had asked for on their short lists. But really, why did you ignore younger dd in favor of what you thought she might like? And a magazine subscription for her birthday without asking us first?

 

Seventeen years of this behavior is just one of the reasons why she does not want to spend time with you.

[MedicMom]

Dear in-laws: Thank you for being so gracious and arranging your Christmas around our work schedule. I know that our lifestyle of 24 hour shifts and both parents working is so completely different from the 8-5 M-F job and SAH/homeschooling mom lifestyle you raised DH in, and I know that your lack of vocal disapproval of our two income public schooling non-church going life is part of the reason you had to leave the patriarchal church that had been your home for thirty years. I also really appreciate that you took our three hellions for the rest of Christmas Day so we could work our scheduled shifts, even though I'm sure chasing after three little kids is not how you wanted to spend Christmas.

I really appreciate it.

 

Dear Mom: I know holidays don't go how you always thought they would. I understand you grew up in a time and a place filled with large families who never moved far away from the population 800 village you all lived in. I know your Christmas memories are filled with loads of cousins and food and family. But please try to understand that three of your four married daughters have married a paramedic, a firefighter and an active duty military officer, and we have all moved to follow our husband's jobs. No matter how we try, we cannot all manage to be in the same city on the same day, especially as we all have young children and each of us has at lead one special needs child. Please, please, stop with the guilt trips.

Edited December 28, 2016 by MedicMom

[Barb_]

Dear ILs,

 

I'm really glad we moved out of state 20 years ago and my kids didn't grow up with your brand of dysfunction. You guys are all complainers and you have no idea what you've missed.

 

Dear grandma-of-my-oldest,

 

Thank you for referring to my husband and me as "my daughter- and son-in-law" and for treating all of our children as if they were your own flesh and blood. Thank you for apologizing for your son's terrible behavior and for always protecting your granddaughter from the hurts she has experienced because of him. Thank you for visiting and playing games with the kids and complimenting my cooking and doing dishes and taking me out to dinner at least once each time. Thank you for teaching me to grow old gracefully and vibrantly. Thank you for your stories about fleeing Hitler and crashing grace kelly's wedding with a reporter who found you attractive and traveling to Cuba because you heard rumors Castro was shutting it down. You are one of the coolest people I know. I thought my life was over when I got pregnant in college, but my life is much richer for having you and your family as part of it.

Edited December 29, 2016 by Barb_

[Guest]

 

 

Dear redhead SIL:

Everything you feel is written across your face plain as day.  I feel for you, I have a pretty lousy poker face myself.  But for the holidays, try REALLY hard to avoid eye rolls ..... the trick is to wear a little smile or slightly pensive look. It takes very little effort. You're 40-something, you should have figure this out by now.  Or maybe you do know this, and don't care enough to disguise your impatience and unhappiness? Go text some more and leave us alone if you're going to not try.

 

:lol: 

 

I'm going to have to try this whole pensive thing. I too am 40 and have not figured this out. In my defense however,  it (usually) only pops out towards my children and husband's stories of co-workers and employees for the most part. He is smart enough not to have me physically interact with said co-workers. We avoid office parties like the plague. Perhaps once I perfect my pensiveness though, I shall be set.

 

It will be my new look for 2017!

"My, texasmom33! You're mighty pensive looking of late!"

"Ah yes, the children bring it out of me....."  :)  I'll sound deep, but secretly we will all know I simply perfected poppy's eye roll restraint method. 

[Guest]

You know what the biggest lesson I've learned from this thread is (because y'all care about that, right? :) )?

 

 Unspoken expectations (and expectations in general) are relationship killers. I've heard that before, but wow, this thread has really driven it home. I'm taking it to heart. 

 

Many hugs to y'all and thanks for sharing. This has been an eye opener. 

 

:grouphug:

[Leav97]

Dear MIL,

 

I love you guys.  You are wonderful with my children.  I appreciate you taking them so we could have a break.  Next year how about we skip wrapping up Box tops for educations and I just don't open a present.

 

 

[MotherGoose]

Dear FIL and step MIL: babies walk at all different ages, from 7 months for your precocious grandchildren to well past a year for my children. It's okay. and guess what??! If God Or evolution thOught we needed shoes to learn how to walk, we would be born with them. So I will not put shoes on my baby until he needs them to keep his feet safe or warm. When I do put on shoes, they will be soft soled. And...if we chose not to put up a tree or decorations besides a tiny table top tree because I didn't want to have to keep my mobile pulling up baby out of it all day every day, that's my business too. I notice a theme here...my baby And my business, not something for you to nag dh about incessantly. Have a lovely day!

 

These are minor problems in the scheme of things, I know....but I really hate being nagged about it and them thinking we need to do things their way in our house.

[QueenCat]

Dear MIL,

 

I love you guys.  You are wonderful with my children.  I appreciate you taking them so we could have a break.  Next year how about we skip wrapping up Box tops for educations and I just don't open a present.

 

She wraps up boxtops for you?????????????

[Chelle in MO]

 Next year how about we skip wrapping up Box tops for educations and I just don't open a present.

 

:ohmy:  Wow. I'm so sorry they did that. 

[Soror]

It has been a bit rough over the years but I'm happy to say I feel like I finally belong in dh's family. I could have sure wrote some doozies about past holidays. This year I would say to both our parents-

 

Thank you so much for listening to me about what the kids want. Thank you for being flexible with how we do Christmas. Thank you for accommodating our diet. Thank you for taking the kids so I could do some shopping and wrapping presents. Thank you for scaling back like I asked(it has taken a long while and a few awkward conversations but this Christmas was the least stressful Christmas I've had since we got married!).

[Wilma]

Dear Parents-in-law,

 

Y'all are lovely, but two weeks is too long. Seriously.

 

Love,

Wilma

 

Sent from my XT1094 using Tapatalk

[Leav97]

She wraps up boxtops for you?????????????

 

My middle is in public school so I've asked them to keep boxtops for his school.  I received kitchen scrubbers, box tops, kids mittens, and a $20 REI gift card.  

 

Most of the presents are directed to the kids but my MIL NEEDS to put something under the tree for adults.  

[Rachel]

Dear inlaws,

 

You're awesome. Keep being you.

 

 

Dear Mom,

 

Your granddaughter is gay. I can't tell you in real life because of how you'll react and I'm worried how she'll feel being shoved in the closet for the holidays even though she acts understanding. You and I have had such a rocky relationship and we've come so far but I'm dreading our next fight.

I'm sorry! I hope your mom reacts ok when she does find out.

[naturegirl]

Dear MIL - I have never had a close relationship with you and have been really irritated by a number of things you have done over the years. But I just finished reading through a forum about complaints people have with their relatives and I realize that you are amazing. We may never be close, and that is okay. But thank you so much for how much you love us all and how great you are with your grandson. He loves you so much and I can tell the feeling is mutual. 

[Grover]

Dear In-laws,

thank you for accepting us just as we are.  Thank you for listening to my gift suggestions and mking my children very very VERY happy. 

 

 

Dear Mother

really?  You know you made a little girl cry, right?  I do hope that made you feel good.  Take your passive-aggressive, stalkery, "I know something you don't know" bullcrap and shove it somewhere uncomfortable. 

[rmtzc2009]

Dear In-laws,

 

It's been 5 years of minimal contact and it never gets easier. Do you really think telling DH how awful I am and that I brainwash him is going to make things better? I would think that after 15 years you might finally be willing to accept that dh has his own thoughts and opinions and that they don't allign perfectly with yours. Can't you just tolerate me without regularly professing your hate of me? All we've asked is that you be respectful. I just can't comprehend that you'd rather hate me and be disrespectful then be decent and have a relationship with your grandkids. It breaks my heart. And bringing up your laundry list of issues that we've already discussed and apologized for, that span the last 15 years, is getting really old. It's got to be hard on you carrying around all that unhappiness. And when you send a letter to us, explaining how happy your current life is, in detail, without us, I wish you knew that it's not me your hurting. What kind of mom tells their son that life is fabulous without him?! I know it's hurt talking and again I feel sorry for you. I do hope and pray that you have a change of heart.

[madteaparty]

:lol:

 

I'm going to have to try this whole pensive thing. I too am 40 and have not figured this out. In my defense however, it (usually) only pops out towards my children and husband's stories of co-workers and employees for the most part. He is smart enough not to have me physically interact with said co-workers. We avoid office parties like the plague. Perhaps once I perfect my pensiveness though, I shall be set.

 

It will be my new look for 2017!

"My, texasmom33! You're mighty pensive looking of late!"

"Ah yes, the children bring it out of me....." :) I'll sound deep, but secretly we will all know I simply perfected poppy's eye roll restraint method.

I feel like I'm getting worse as I age. Eyeroll everything. Eyeroll at myself even. I'm practicing the pensive right now. Also saying "oh.".

[Guest]

I feel like I'm getting worse as I age. Eyeroll everything. Eyeroll at myself even. I'm practicing the pensive right now. Also saying "oh.".

 

We need a pensive emoji. Will this one work?  :huh: or perhaps  :blink:

[madteaparty]

We need a pensive emoji. Will this one work? :huh: or perhaps :blink:

That first one seems quite judgmental, and that raised eyebrow has become the equivalent of my "bitchy resting face".

🙄😂

[Barb_]

That first one seems quite judgmental, and that raised eyebrow has become the equivalent of my "bitchy resting face".

🙄😂

Mine too! I blame it on having so many grown daughters

[Guest]

That first one seems quite judgmental, and that raised eyebrow has become the equivalent of my "bitchy resting face".

🙄😂

 

 

Mine too! I blame it on having so many grown daughters

 

 

Oh, I think that first one is perfect! Too bad I can't use it on my mil... 

 

 

Can I just say, y'all are really cracking me up?  :lol:  

[Mimm]

I'm sorry! I hope your mom reacts ok when she does find out.

 

There's a first time for everything. ;)

 

But thank you.