Question for those with adult children living at home... do you charge rent?

[PrincessMommy]

That pretty much sums it up.

 

Do you charge rent, reduced rate or not, for your adult children with jobs still living at home?

 

We've talked with our dd (25) about this and she was completely gobsmacked.  She claims none of her friends, who still live at home, pay their parents rent.  She says she's never heard of this except when the parents need help financially.   That completely surprised me. I thought it was pretty standard for adult kids living at home.  Is it really not a thing?  Are we really off the plantation on this one?

 

For the record.. dd grad with her BA 18months ago.  Has a decent job (which she hates, but that's another story).  She saved up to pay for her own car 6months ago and has now paid off her car.  We would be charging her far below rental rates for our area.

 

[retiredHSmom]

We don't but the point to letting them live here is to allow them to build up savings, to pay off student and car loans and to save for a down payment on a house.  That said my adult children are very helpful around the house.  My daughter cooks, helps clean and generally participates as a member of the family.  If she lived here like a renter I might feel more drawn to charge rent.

[mamakelly]

My adult son is 20, and in school full time and works 30 hours a week. We've already told him that he had 3-6 months after graduation to find a job and move out. I wouldn't allow an adult child who had finished college to live at home for free, unless there are extenuating circumstances.

[Susan C.]

I've heard of it both ways. But we don't charge ours. I've heard of some charging the rent, saving it up, and giving it to them when they move. The economy is not being friendly to our young adults, and I don't want to make it worse. I want my dc to be able to have a period of time where they can save money so they can have reserves to work with.

[AK_Mom4]

DS20 is in school full time and does not pay rent. However, if he were not in school, he knows the expectation would be for him to be working and contributing rent. Like others, I'm sure his rent would be significantly below market value.

 

I have a friend who is single and has a housemate-setup with her adult son. Both work and split the expenses 50/50.

[purplejackmama]

Why is she living there? Student loan debt? To increase savings? Waiting on grad school? Job doesn't pay enough?

 

These are the questions I would ask myself before I decided to charge my child rent. But my oldest is 13 so what the heck do I know?! :)

[Artichoke]

Working adult children ( not in school )  in our family pay their share of the utilities.  A share equals the cost divided by the number of people in the household.  It's usually about $65 a month.  All food is bought by mom and dad and consumed by everyone.  We do expect adult children to help with  chores and errands.  If there are a lot of errands or a regular errand like picking up from music lessons, then dh and I fill their gas tanks. 

 

 

Edited June 12, 2017 by Artichoke

[amy g.]

No. We do not charge rent. Our adult children contribute in other ways such as cooking meals, picking up groceries, cleaning, running younger kids to activities....

 

We are one unit and everyone does their best to contribute to the good of the group.

 

I might feel differently if I had children that were trying to take without also giving back.

[Pawz4me]

I can't envision a scenario where I would ever charge my kids rent to live in their own home. I would consider having them chip in to cover their groceries and the utility bills.

[Cinder]

We're not quite there yet--oldest has one more year of school. But I like hearing how others are handling it.  :bigear:

[JustEm]

My parents didn't/don't. My sister lived at home for at least 2 years after graduating and finding a well paying job. She cooked, cleaned, and took younger siblings places all without being asked. My brother, 34, moved back home in 2008, when he lost his job. He is just now moving out but only because he found a job a few hours away. My parents loved having him at home

[regentrude]

Unless I was in dire financial straits and really needed the young adult's contribution, I cannot imagine that I would charge my own children rent if they worked or went to school. (Just bumming around not doing anything productive would be a different matter). We're family. My parents did not do that either.

 

Edited June 14, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

My parents didn't.  I'm not there yet.  I moved out at 25.

 

 

[Artichoke]

No. We do not charge rent. Our adult children contribute in other ways such as cooking meals, picking up groceries, cleaning, running younger kids to activities....

 

We are one unit and everyone does their best to contribute to the good of the group.

 

I might feel differently if I had children that were trying to take without also giving back.

 

 

I think this makes all of the difference.  Fortunately we've continued working as a family unit . The only real issue that we've had is a day shift vs night shift job and the sleeping hours it entailed.  

[Guest]

I pay rent, but he pays all the utilities (including phone and internet), fixes my car when it breaks, buys me other stuff (as in appliances and furniture) with his employee discount, pays for his own groceries and some of his little brother's and mine, isn't a financial drain, and functions as an adult member of a family.

 

 

 

 

 

[Loowit]

My parents didn't.  I lived at home until I got married when I was 23.  DH's parents didn't either, he was 22 when we got married and he moved out.

 

I can't imagine asking my children he pay rent, although if they offered to help out with groceries or something that would be nice.  But my kids are still teens and younger, so who knows how I will feel in a few years.

[SparklyUnicorn]

On the plus side it sounds like she is being good with her money paying off the car quickly like that. 

[Guest]

I think I might in the OP scenario, but maybe bank it.  The reason is this:  young adults who aren't paying some sort of housing have a much bigger margin from their paychecks than they should, and they very often do NOT save it, but get used to having a lot of extra bucks for travel, clothing, voluntary expenditures...and when they get into the real world, it is a shock to them and their lifestyle.  So, I'm not saying a specific amount...but an amount that keeps the adult offspring from thinking that they have a lot of extra cash, and living into that.  

 

That said, you don't have to spend the rent you charge.  You can *secretly* bank it and when she moves out give it to her, and she will have some of the additional resources that it takes to start off on a strong foot.  

 

[Kassia]

We're not quite there yet--oldest has one more year of school. But I like hearing how others are handling it.  :bigear:

 

Me too!  I have one at home this summer, but he has one year of college left and is doing a paid summer internship while working at home.  I don't know what I'll do if he ends up living at home and working after graduation.  I like the idea of having him contribute towards his food - he's a bottomless pit!  

[foxbridgeacademy]

DH, the kids, and I have discussed this several times.  Since the oldest is only just now turning 15 we've got awhile before we put our ideas/theories into practice. We expect the kids to live at home through College rent free, if they have a job they can chip in for a bit of groceries or just buy themselves the stuff I won't buy. After graduating and finding a good paying job (this mostly applies to DS, explanation to come) I expect them to start paying off any loan debt (shouldn't be much) and saving for a car and "safety net".  I think DS expects he'll want to live with us for at least 1-2 years.  During that time he'll need to kick in on groceries and a share of the utilities, insurance, etc... If he needs to stay longer that's fine too, as long as he's paying his bills and saving $$ he can stay as long as he wants, rent free (he'll probably get an Environmental Engineering type degree).  DD is expecting to go into a field that will likely never pay well (Theater) and will require a good amount of travel and flexibility. She has requested that we keep a room for her at least until she meets a nice girl, with a good job who doesn't mind paying most of the bills, to settle down with. We'll expect DD to definitely pay for her extra food (gluten free, almost vegan) maybe part of the utilities depending if her job is even a "paying position" while living here, probably long term.  As long as we don't have to pay more to house them then we already do and they're working hard, I don't expect $$ from them.  

 

ETA-All this applies to the nephew too, although he's the type to want to be on his own ASAP so while he's happy here he'll most likely move out as soon as he finishes College and finds a job 

Edited June 14, 2016 by foxbridgeacademy

[Anne]

My dd and her dh lived with us for almost a year - they didn't pay rent, although they were willing to do so. We wanted them to save for a house. They were helpful around the house, often bought groceries and were working hard on their jobs/school.

 

It worked out well for us.

 

Anne

[scholastica]

My parents did. That was 20+ years ago. I don't remember them giving it back, but they did pay for my wedding. It was nominal, but enough to encourage me to move out with some roommates fairly quickly. Their goal was always independence for their children. They paid for my education do that I could get a job and gave me a car so I could get there. (And of course that wedding.) Anything after that was my responsibility. I have the same view for my children. If a child needs to move home for a time and work before fully setting out on their own, I think we will charge a small amount of rent or grocery money or whatever you want to call it. Just something as a reminder that there is no free lunch and we're not perpetually responsible for them financially. We'll probably give it back when they do move out. It's more of a life lesson thing than anything.

[rdj2027]

We have no plans to charge rent but they are all still in school/college.  

[Tap]

I do not charge ds21 rent.  He has 2BAs and is working on one Masters degree and then plans to turn around and get another MA.   He has loans from his 2BAs that he is working very hard to pay off and lives on a very strict budget.  His current MA is being paid for by the church (Pastoral degree), so he is not accumulating more debt.  After his current loans are paid off, he will stay on the budget to help pay for his 2nd MA.    He works full time, but in 3 different, minimum wage, part time jobs. They are willing to work around his school, church and volunteer schedule. 

 

 

My deal with my kids:  is that as long as they are in college full time, or working and actively living frugally to  pay off loans, then they do not have to pay us rent to live at home.   Once school is over and paid off...then yes, they will be expected to start helping to support themselves.

 

I did not have college funds for my kids.  This is in lieu of that. 

 

 

When I was 22yo, dh and I were dating.  My dad got sick and needed care.  We moved in to help care for him.  He didn't want us to pay him, but I insisted on giving him a couple hundred each month.  He was retired and living on Social Security and there was no way i was going to let him spend his little bit of retirement money on me, as an able bodied adult. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2016 by Tap

[freesia]

My adult son is 20, and in school full time and works 30 hours a week. We've already told him that he had 3-6 months after graduation to find a job and move out. I wouldn't allow an adult child who had finished college to live at home for free, unless there are extenuating circumstances.

This was my parent's rule and it worked well. Wel'll do the same.

[NorthwestMom]

I think I might in the OP scenario, but maybe bank it.  The reason is this:  young adults who aren't paying some sort of housing have a much bigger margin from their paychecks than they should, and they very often do NOT save it, but get used to having a lot of extra bucks for travel, clothing, voluntary expenditures...and when they get into the real world, it is a shock to them and their lifestyle.  So, I'm not saying a specific amount...but an amount that keeps the adult offspring from thinking that they have a lot of extra cash, and living into that.  

 

That said, you don't have to spend the rent you charge.  You can *secretly* bank it and when she moves out give it to her, and she will have some of the additional resources that it takes to start off on a strong foot.  

 

:iagree:

[Barb_]

I think it depends on circumstances. 22yo recent grad with student loans to pay off?  No, she needs a safe place to gain traction.  A newlywed couple saving for a house? Saving for grad school? Saving to fund a big move to a big city? Sure.  But a 25yo with a degree and no debt who isn't interested in moving out needs help transitioning to financial adulthood in my mind.  That's where I am right now with the caveat that everything is subject to change  ^_^  :001_rolleyes:

[Artichoke]

Me too!  I have one at home this summer, but he has one year of college left and is doing a paid summer internship while working at home.  I don't know what I'll do if he ends up living at home and working after graduation.  I like the idea of having him contribute towards his food - he's a bottomless pit!  

 

 

This gave me a chuckle.  Our eldest ( single male paying apt rent ) moved into his grandmother's home a couple of year's ago.  She charged him $75 a month for  room and board with him doing regular chores and maintenance.  It's been a win-win for them both.  After she got the first month's water bill, she had to re-negotiate his rent to $100 to cover his long showers.  Her water bill had more than doubled!  

[redsquirrel]

my mom's rule was that if you were enrolled in school or working/saving money then you didn't have to pay rent. When they are young adults and saving money to pay off student loans etc then I would hope they would consider living at home to make that happen. 

 

If someone was charging rent to their young adult child, I would assume the parents needed the money or wanted help paying for their house etc. Or I would think, because I have seen it before, that the young adult had moved back home due to some dire circumstance (drug addiction etc) and was being required to pay rent to show that they were getting their life back on track.

 

[QueenCat]

No, we do not. Can't imagine doing so. Ds contributes to the household in other ways. He does pay his own car expenses, phone, going out $, some clothes, haircuts, and such but definitely does not have to pay to live with his parents. I'd refuse the $ if he tried.

[nd293]

Once I was earning I paid 1/3 of everything (lived at home with my mother and sister). My children might not pay that much but of course they'll pay a fair rent - I expect, if our financial position is stable that some of that will go into a savings account for her (controlled by us, to use for home deposit) and some to us but we're some years away so I haven't figured out the details.

[PrincessMommy]

I think it depends on circumstances. 22yo recent grad with student loans to pay off?  No, she needs a safe place to gain traction.  A newlywed couple saving for a house? Saving for grad school? Saving to fund a big move to a big city? Sure.  But a 25yo with a degree and no debt who isn't interested in moving out needs help transitioning to financial adulthood in my mind.  That's where I am right now with the caveat that everything is subject to change  ^_^  :001_rolleyes:

 

This pretty much sums up my dd at this time.  Although she may be a little more interested in moving out.  But she has no debt and a decent job.  She is thinking of going back to school, at which time we'll discuss any changes.

 

She's also a little less than willing to help out around the house.  That's partly because her job is pretty stressful and the hours are difficult... but it's also partly her personality.

 

Edited June 14, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[HS Mom in NC]

My brothers and I paid a small amount for rent ($100 a month) starting the month we turned 18 because we were not only expected to continue to contribute to the household with running errands and doing chores, we were expected to contribute in a small way to the financial costs of living (groceries and utilities.) I think they were smart and fair insisting that all kind of contributions were expected because there were all kinds of costs.  Welcome to real life, kid! We were also expected to do something that amounted to full time: school/skills training full time, school part time and work part time or work full time.  They didn't need the money. That wasn't the point.  The point was to train their children for adult life by practicing on a smaller scale while we were still at home. We were able to run the farm ourselves by the time we were teens. 

No, we don't charge our kids rent because my husband's family culture is very "smooshy and squishy." I'm sure they would tear up and audibly gasp at the thought. (Literally.)

[KungFuPanda]

I've only heard of it except when the parents needed the money or the adult child needed to be taught responsibility because they don't save.  I would expect kids to live with parents longer in this economy, but hopefully they can build up savings in that time.  

 

ETA:  My daughter is 19.  I wouldn't charge her to live here.  My mom would never charge any of us, and she could absolutely use the money.  My grandmother lives with her now and doesn't pay rent.  I was always taught that home was a place you could always go with no strings attached.

Edited June 14, 2016 by KungFuPanda

[HRAAB]

When my adult dd moved back home, was employed, and not attending school, she contributed to the household expenses.  You could call it rent or living expenses.  She knew if she wasn't attending school, was working and able to do so, she would be expected to contribute.  We have never asked our girls to contribute if they were attending school and living at home, but otherwise, yes, it is expected.

[Hen]

yes, unless they are enrolled full time in college.  Right now, we have two in college full-time, so they do not pay rent.  We also only pay for their classes, they have to pay for their books.

[DawnM]

This might sound too controlling to some, but I would want proof of some kind that they are saving their money and not just spending it on frivolous stuff.

 

We have actually encouraged our kids to live at home as long as they can to save up for a house or future marriage.

 

 

[reign]

Every time I hear about parents charging rent it is because the parents need the money, want the child to move out, or want to control the kid in someway. I had to pay rent because I had a nervous breakdown at a big ten school and had to move home and go to a regular university. The paying rent and paying for my own college (I didn't have to pay at the better school) were a punishment for not continuing with the approved future choices and "being a baby" lol. My brother had to pay rent when he moved back home at 22 for the summer because my dad did not want him staying too long. A friend had to split rent with her mother and sister at a young age due to financial trouble.

[Jenny in Florida]

We have some exemplars in the extended family of "failure to launch," chronological adults who somehow just never got their act together and managed to begin living actual, grown-up lives. I absolutely do not want that for my kids.

 

So, we have made it super clear that we consider it part of our normal parental responsibilty to see ours through an undergraduate degree (assuming they do their part in terms of getting decent grades and generally making a go of school). We are also happy to have them stay on at home--rent free--for a year or so (exact time negotiable) post-graduation while working in order to sock away a nest egg to get them started out in the world.

 

However, an adult child who was working, living at home and spending money and had no actual plan for a next step would not be allowed to linger in that limbo indefinitely. At some point, we'd be having a discussion about rent. And that would have nothing to do with whether I "needed" the money; it would be about us as parents taking what I consider appropriate next steps to encourage and foster an understanding of independent and successful adulthood.

 

We didn't come close to needing to go that route with our daughter, who graduated from college early, lived at home for about two years, worked nearly full-time for the last 18 months of that, saved the majority of her salary and moved herself to NYC at age 19.

 

I don't anticipate needing to do a lot of prodding with our son, either. 

 

But we've made both our expectations and our motives pretty clear.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

When I turned 18, I had graduated high school and had been working for a few months, and it occurred to me that I was an adult, and needed to pull my weight.  My mom was a single mother with three of us at home, and my dad was a deadbeat alcoholic who barely helped at all.  We had lived below the poverty level for several years after their divorce.  I told my mom I wanted to help, and started giving her $100 a month to help with my part of the expenses.  (That was in 1981, so that was a good chunk of change).  I did this for about a year, then I got married and moved out.  I had four brothers, and all but one of us moved out by age 20 (whether to college or not).  The one who stayed home longer was the baby of the family, and he took advantage of our mom (at least that's how we saw the situation).  We considered a free loader.  He was just shy of 22yo when he was killed in a car crash.  He had a job in retail, but pretty much just partied all the time, practiced with his band in the garage, didn't have much respect for anyone.  Maybe it's because I came from that difficult background, but I can't imagine having 25 year old adults still living at home, acting like kids and not taking responsibility for themselves.

 

Our kids are all still in school (2 away in college, one in middle school).  We will pay their room and board as long as they are full time students (both have scholarships to help with tuition).  The plan is for them to graduate debt free with their undergrad degrees.  We will probably pay for dd's master's degree as well, since she will be able to get that in only one additional year, and she goes to a really cheap in-state school on almost a full scholarship).  After that, they are on their own.  If they need to come home for a short time to save up before moving out, they will need to be working, and we will charge them to live here.  We would probably do as Patty Johanna suggested, and charge them rent, but keep it in a special account without their knowing.  When they are ready to move out on their own, we'll surprise them with their savings to help with their expenses (whether it be for their deposits, furniture, whatever).  If they don't show that they are working diligently to find a job (even if it's a minimum wage job while they're waiting for something better to come along), we will give them a deadline to find another place to live.  We will not have deadbeats leaching off of us forever.  I know that may sound harsh, but we are raising them to be responsible adults, contributing to society and supporting themselves.  They know this, and they are preparing themselves for that time.

[gardenmom5]

if they are not students - they pay rent at a reduced rate.

[LisaKinVA]

I lived at home and paid rent (it was probably about $200/month).  When my parents and my family lived together we paid half of the utilities, all of our living expenses, and a nominal amount of rent.  We also helped care for the house (mowing 3 acres, other yard work, painting, repairs, deep cleaning, and while my mom was gone, I did all of the house cleaning).

 

I would say charging my kids rent for living at home will be based upon the circumstances.  Going to school full time?  No.  Working full-time -- maybe a nominal amount to help cover expenses and get used to the idea of paying rent/utilities.  I view that as contributing to the household family unit.  

[ErinE]

I didn't live at home, but my siblings did. When they had full time jobs, they contributed to utilities and bought groceries regularly, essentially paying for the marginal costs of having another adult in the home. I don't think that's unreasonable.

[Carrie12345]

When I moved back home at 18 or 19, I paid my mother a small amount of rent.

 

When I moved back home at 22, my stepfather was living in the house, and he didn't believe in charging kids rent.  Since my stepbrother wasn't, I didn't have to, either!  For a short while, that turned into 4 young adults (and my toddler, plus my still-teenaged sister) living there rent-free.  

 

The upshot was that we mostly enjoyed each others' company and everyone kept the kitchen fully stocked.

The downside is that, 16 years later, my parents still have one adult and child living with them.

 

As the parent of a child about to turn 18, I don't plan to have any set rules on this.  I joke about kicking them each out on their 18th birthdays.  I assume they will all have different paths to follow, and we'll work with their individual circumstances.

 

[Lolly]

Yes and no. Still a student, no. We have no need for the assistance or the income. Ds has graduated and has a real job now. We are allowing him his first couple of months for free. After that, we will charge him rent, cell phone, car insurance, and health insurance. We will save it and return it to him as a down payment on a home (or something). We decided to charge him because we do not want him to start thinking that his paychecks will be as large as they currently seem. When you have no expenses, that starting wage can seem quite huge. When you start taking out expenses, you realize exactly how much you are making and how far it will get you. The girls living in our homes are still students, so they get a free ride still.

[OnMyOwn]

When I was about 20 (and working full time and not going to college at that point), my parents told me they were going to start charging me rent within a couple of months and it lit a fire under me. I moved out before the rent payments started. Shortly afterwards, I started back to college at night. I will likely charge rent to my kids if they are living at home after graduation and there are no extenuating circumstances. I love my kids, but I don't want them dependent on me for the rest of their lives.

[AmandaVT]

My friends ended up charging their DS rent for a bit. He completed a year and a half of school, then dropped out and moved back home. He was floundering, didn't know what he wanted to do next. They paid for him to see a career counselor and helped him for a good 6 months while he tried to figure out his next step. Then he settled into working a minimum wage job and played a lot of video games. They had to start paying the parent student loans (I guess when the DS went to school, they had to take a portion of the loans in their name). They continued to pay the loans, but began charging him a small amount of rent - I think $100/month. After a year of this, the DS figured out that he wanted to go back to school and has since done so and is doing well. I think the way they handled it made a lot of sense.

[Bambam]

Once my child has graduated from college and has a job, I've warned her that I will not charge rent while she works for a couple of months to build up some savings. But rent will come later because she will be working on being self-supporting independent adult and needs to get her own place. If there are extenuating circumstances, of course, this might change. 

[Night Elf]

I didn't. There was no reason to do so. My dd was a hard working young adult who simply couldn't afford to live on her own. She saved some money while living here to pay expenses for when she did move. She didn't take advantage of me though.

[Faithr]

We have a 21 yo living at home.  We don't charge him rent yet.  I think when he's 22 though we'll start, the age he'd be if he were out of college.  If he were going to school, it might be a different story but he tried community college and has decided against it.  I just feel like life is a little too easy for him and we want him to take responsibility for more financial stuff.  I don't know how much we'll charge though, probably below whatever the rate is (I have no idea how much a bedroom in a group home would cost).  He does pay for his own food, gas, etc, though dh bought the 3rd car for him.  Technically it isn't his but also for the 17 yo and later the 14 yo.  However, 17 yo is having trouble getting his license for various reasons, so the 3rd car is pretty much exclusively his.  And he takes it to work everyday so we don't have access to it during that time anyway.

 

I will say though having our 21 yo around is pretty great.  He does a lot of the evening pick ups for our teens who don't drive yet.  So we (as older parents) don't have to drive out at night to pick up teens from various things, he'll do that.  That's worth his weight in gold!  He also does stuff around the like feed the pets, change the kitty litter, runs to the store when we are out of stuff, takes out the trash, fixes things around the house and he'll often clean the kitchen just cuz he feels like helping out.  So it is quite lovely having him around just for those reasons (they are pretty utilitarian, I realize!).