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Suzanne in ABQ

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Suzanne in ABQ last won the day on June 6 2008

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About Suzanne in ABQ

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    Empress Bee
  • Birthday 04/01/1963

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  • Location
    Somewhere in the mountains, east of Albuquerque.
  • Interests
    Music (singing, teaching Kindermusik, bell choir, etc.), BUNKO, sewing, home decorating
  • Occupation
    16 year homeschool veteran, Domestic Engineer, STEM camp educator, Volunteer extraordinaire

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  1. What is your shower made of? If it's marble or fiberglass or plastic, be careful with the harsh chemicals. CLR and other harsh detergents could etch the surface. You won't want it to drip down and sit on the shower surround or floor.
  2. I have spent my life living in the high desert of the southwestern USA. I didn't start worrying about my skin until I started noticing damage, but then it was too late. I'm happy that you're thinking about it before you even move into the harsh environment. I was going to post that there is no such thing as a moisturizer with sunscreen that would soak in and protect you all day. Tap's doctor said it much better than I could. My understanding about how sunscreens work is that they form a protect layer, or filter, on the surface of your skin, that blocks UVA and or UVB rays from passing. The sunscreen can't form this protective layer if it has soaked into your skin, or if it's all rubbed into the ridges and no longer remains on the outer surfaces. By definition, to be effective, sunscreen must remain on the surface of your skin, in an even layer. I did look up whether to apply the moisturizer/lotion before or after the sunscreen. All the sites that came up concur that the moisturizer should be applied first and allowed to soak in, then the sunscreen should go on top. For my face, I use a good cream to moisturize, then I use Neutrogena Sheer Zinc Sunscreen, Dry-Touch, Face, On my body, I use Neutrogena Hydro Boost Gel Moisturizing Sunscreen . It's a gel, and it completely disappears in two seconds when applied to the skin. It's not greasy at all, and it doesn't smell like sunscreen. It will burn the eyes, though, so I don't use it on my face. My dh uses spray-on, Sport sunscreen. So do my kids. I don't know what to say about it rubbing off on your armrests. I hate the smell of sunscreen in the car (especially the spray-on), so we always apply it when we're reached our destination. My guess is that anything white may rub off. The gel and spray are clear going on, so they probably wouldn't rub off. I don't know, though.
  3. I'm glad you were able to get them made. Was the $5 just the binding, on top of the price of the paper? so, $9 each?
  4. The recent posts brought a thought to mind. I don't know if it is relevant to the OP's situation or not, but, if your dd is going to need to work offline at times, then that would be a reason to get a laptop, and get the needed software loaded onto it.
  5. I don't know your dd's needs, but my dd's school requires "real" laptops. No notebooks, including Chromebooks, because you can't install software on them.
  6. Is there a reason you don't wish to buy the Office Home and Student 2019 version that Sherry in OH mentioned? It's actually only $130 per computer on Amazon, and you'll own it outright. https://smile.amazon.com/Microsoft-Office-Student-Windows-Download/dp/B07H4XBM1R/ref=sr_1_3?crid=W01J9IXX90DX&keywords=microsoft+office+home+and+student+2019&qid=1565897829&s=gateway&sprefix=microsoft+office%2Caps%2C307&sr=8-3
  7. Thank you. Perhaps if I do some more research, I'll be able to present the information to dd in a way that doesn't cause her to balk. Do you have any recommendations?
  8. Yes, and the last time I checked, there were 13 identified genders, not to mention all the labels for sexual orientation. It's interesting that after so many decades of people trying to remove all the labels that separate and classify, we've come to the place where gender and sexuality is so compartmentalized, and there are labels for everyone, and it's so complicated. I think the pendulum will swing back. It will be interesting to see what things look like. I did consider high functioning autism or Asbergers as a possible explanation for many of the reasons you suggest, but when I mentioned it to my her/them, they dismissed out of hand, saying "I don't want to think about autism." I guess they see it as just one more problem to deal with, rather than a possible explanation. Since they are 23 years old, I can't/won't force the issue. (Just to clarify, she didn't "line up" the cars, but grouped them, like they were having a tea party, or drove them over the "road" on our town map rug, to visit their car friends. It was very social, like girls tend to do, not lining them, as I've seen in kids with OCD, Asbergers, or Down's Syndrome do.
  9. I've had all the same thoughts as you. I used to think it was all a product of social media. I learned from this thread that it originated in university gender studies. That's new to me. I read an article that sudden onset gender dysphoria (as opposed to early onset gender dysphoria) is a really new thing (like only started 3-4 yrs ago), that it affects mostly white girls who already have some emotional problems, and that it tends to happen in groups, and that the ideas are spread through social media. When my dd declared that she was non-binary, at age 21, I was blown away. (I'm using dd here because Ngc was still "dd" to me at the time) I thought it was just a bandwagon, an imaginary epidemic created by girls who were uncomfortable with their bodies (like everyone), and needed something to be angsty about. I had felt for those kids who knew from a very early age that they were actually the opposite gender, but my dd didn't fit into that group. Yes, dd had had a very hard time fitting in socially for her entire life, but she was very introverted and a deep thinker, and she was homeschooled through 8th grade, and so was shielded from the whole school-based social construct. Yes, she had a visceral repulsion to anything frilly or ruffly from infancy, but she had all sorts of sensory issues, and I never really liked frilly things either, so no big deal there. Yes, she liked to play with cars, but she never drove them around and made vroom-vroom sounds like her brother. Instead, she would arrange them in a circle where they would chat with each other. Yes, she had lots of anxiety and stressed over just about everything, but she would grow out of all that. She was very bright, especially with math, so she was probably just "one of those stereotypical, nerdy engineers," like her dad. Everything would come together once she got into engineering school and found "her people". WRONG. She did very well in school. Switched from engineering to math after one semester, then did three years of a math major with a high gpa. What we couldn't see (because she was so far away at school) was that she was tailspinning, on her way to a major nervous breakdown (whatever they're calling that nowadays). We tried eliminating all the things that were strangling her (math classes, the school, worry about the future job prospects, etc). She switched to the university close to home, and she switched majors to the one thing she loved, and the one thing that would allow her to hold herself together, even though it would be difficult to support herself in that field. At her new school, she became familiar with the rhetoric of gender identity, and adopted the description of neutral gender/non-binary for herself, changed her name to a gender neutral one, and asked us to use it, along with the pronouns they/them/their. They don't wish to transition to male, they just don't fit in with how they understand female. It has been a year that we've been living with these changes. Gnc has a wonderful counselor, they're dealing with all the "stuff" from childhood and high school that have plagued them their whole life. Ngc is mostly happy, for the first time ever. They are more comfortable in their own skin, and they have a solid sense of who they are and what they want. I am happy to have my dc back, and I can see a time when they will be thriving. There's still a ways to go. Honestly, I hope my gnc comes to the point that they can see that there are *lots* of ways to be a woman, and will release the non-binary restrictions, but we're not there yet. If I push that idea, I will push my firstborn child away from me and our family, and I risk losing them forever (either by them disappearing or ending their own life). I have seen that happen with my cousin when she rejected her transgender son, and I will not do that to my dear child. I will love my dc, and I will support them, and I will do the linguistic gymnastics necessary to keep them on the path to emotional health. They are coming to terms with the fact that the whole world is not going to change around them. We shall see where all this leads. Perhaps Gnc, along with other non-binaries, really have felt this way their entire lives, but just now have the vocabulary to understand and share what they're experiencing. I don't know. Parenting is hard, and it lasts a lot longer than 18 years.
  10. We have had blank notebooks made at Staples. Just buy (or bring in) a ream of copy paper, divide it into two or three stacks, and have them spiral bind them across the top. They can put a rigid tagboard or plastic cover on them, and you're all set. I think we paid about $2.50 for the service, but that was about 10 years ago. I'm sure it costs more now.
  11. When introducing my adult, gender-neutral child (Gnc), I'll either say "my firstborn..." or "my eldest". If they weren't firstborn, I would likely vary that to "middle child" or "youngest". I use "offspring" once in awhile, but only in very informal settings, said in a joking way to avoid sound like I'm describing livestock. Interestingly, my Gnc doesn't mind being called "Darling Daughter" because it's more of a nickname (which we've used forever) than a gender identifier for them. They've said it's okay for younger sister to use "My sister". We don't use those words, typically, but if something slips out, it doesn't bother Gnc.
  12. This Lentil Stew recipe looks, smells, and tastes delicious. This version is meant to be a quick, hearty meal for a crowd, so it uses several precooked ingredients. You could easily substitute fresh if desired. Lentil Stew 2 C dry Lentils 5 C Water 1 large Onion, chopped 1 quart canned pureed Tomatoes with juice (or diced Tomatoes with juice) 1 large can Mushrooms 1 tsp Basil 1 tsp Oregano 1-2 tsp Garlic, chopped Salt to taste Simmer together 45-60 minutes, then Add, 1 to 1 1/2 C Spaghetti Sauce 3 C Instant Brown Rice (or more, to thicken)
  13. Actually, it is quite common. I never realized how often it comes up until my own dc came out as non-binary last year. It happens in group conversation all the time when we're talking about my dc in a group, or when they aren't part of the conversation, but easily within earshot. It seems to happen most often when responding to a question. Someone will ask a question about my dc, using their name. It it extremely awkward to answer using their name again. Here's an real-life example, using a random non-binary name (not my dc's name): "Where is Madison?" "Madison's right over there, getting some tea." My first inclination was to say, "She's right over there..." But then I stumbled, wondering if it was a safe place to say "They're right over there..." I chose not to, since it wasn't a conversation about dc's preferred gender, it was only a question about their location, so I murmered, "Ma-di-sonnnn is ..." before I just clammed up and pointed in the general direction. The whole two-hour visit was filled with little interchanges like this, one right after the other. It was quite frustrating for me, partly because it was all so new, and partly because we hadn't yet explained to these friends about my dc's being gender neutral, or about their preferred pronoun. It is awkward. In some situations, I take the time to explain dc's pronoun preference. I follow dc's lead. Sometimes, they're comfortable just letting it slide because they're not going to have an ongoing relationship with the person/people. Other times, I can tell that dc would like to share more about their name change, and their preferred pronoun, so I help create a comversational environment that makes that easier. Other times, when dc isn't present, I'll explain it to extended family members or close friends. The conversation sometimes takes two hours, even with the most understanding and accepting folks, just because there is so much education involved. We have to determine whether it's worth the effort. It has been challenging to change the way I speak, because (to me) pronouns had always been *non-words*. What I mean is, the pronoun was never the point of the sentence. The pronoun was just a little word (like an article) that I used as a foundation to get to the main point. All of a sudden, I was forced to think about the pronoun, and either quickly change it to a different one, or rephrase my sentence to say the same thing without a pronoun. It was quite paralyzing for a time (still is, sometimes). I find myself just not speaking in my dc's presence because I don't wish to disrespect them, but my brain can't think quickly enough to totally change my speech patterns without creating awkward disruptions in conversation.
  14. I would highly recommend you do this (use mobile deposit). I never, ever go to the bank. I love mobile deposit. (Tip, make sure the check is sitting on a dark surface when you take the picture. Doing this helps the camera find the edges of the check.) Many banks are now charging a fee every time you use a real, live, human teller, to give you incentive to use electronic services. As for endorsing, are you just curious why they're requiring endorsement all of a sudden? Or, is there a reason you don't want to endorse your checks? I have always done both: I write "For deposit only" AND I endorse the check.
  15. I used to sleep that way, but can't any more (doing so makes my hand/arm go to sleep and hurts my shoulder). Instead, I hold bottom arm across my chest and rest it on my neck, like I'm patting myself on the back (but on the opposite side). I wrap it loosely in my sheet to keep it there and because I prefer not to touch my face all night. The sensation of your arm going to sleep isn't due to blood circulation being cut off. It's due to a nerve being pinched off. All the nerves on that path are then left to "sleep" until the neural pathway is opened again, and all those nerves wake up and freak out a bit, until they're all firing properly.
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