Do you go against your spouses wishes?

[jenn-]

What do you do when you and your spouse disagree on a subject?

 

For an example:  I really want some backyard chickens and I have wanted them for several years.  My spouse is completely against it, therefore, I have no chickens.  He has said that he will not prevent me from getting them, but he wants absolutely nothing to do with them (not sure if this would extend to even making me a coop.  he probably would because otherwise I'd be messing with his tools).  I know he really really doesn't want them, so I will probably go another year without them and try again next year. 

 

I typed this into a large backyard chicken forum search engine (spouse doesn't want chickens) and was shocked at how many people told the posters to just go bring home some chicks and then they will have no choice but to accept them.  To me that sounds disrespectful of their spouse and I know we would be having a huge fight here.

 

Some other examples: homeschooling/subjects taught, purchasing something new that they (or you) don't think they need, getting rid of stuff, etc. 

 

Do you just undermine their opinions?  Does it matter of the severity of the disagreement? IE, you like Skippy peanut butter, he likes Jiff and you do the grocery shopping so he can eat Skippy is a bit different then the bringing home another pet.

[prairiewindmomma]

The only time I have acted without dh's complete support is when health/safety has been part of the issue....ie, I think an ER visit is in order and dh thinks things aren't that bad.

 

I don't have chickens.

We have two jars of peanut butter.

[PrincessMommy]

It's tough... If he said absolutely I do not want chickens at the house... then no, I would not disrespect him in this manner.

 

But, if he said,  I don't want them, but you can go ahead and do it. Just don't plan on having me help in anyway.. then yes, I would knowing those parameters.   This actually happened with the dog we just got.

 

In your OP you kind of say both things.  You say he is completely against it.. But then you say "He has said that he will not prevent me from getting them, but he wants absolutely nothing to do with them"    So, I think I would find out from your dh which it is.  Is he completely against it absolutely, or is it that he doesn't want to do it himself, but if you do then that's fine.

 

Now, homeschooling is a little different than chickens.  I think I would have taken more of a pause if my dh had said either, just because the nature of being a homeschooling family.  You at least need/want some level of support.,.even if dad isn't actually doing any of the schooling.

 

 

[poppy]

Well turn it around : does he ever go against your wishes? For example: in regards to chickens?

 

My husband doesn't love that I am a SAHM. But it is my choice (and one we can thankfully afford) and he respects me enough to help me make it work. If he wanted to quit his job for a lower stress, less lucrative position I would support that too (though is have to work if that happened). We are partners.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If he said "go ahead but I'm not having anything to do with it" then I'd do it if I truly wasn't going to expect anything from him including the building of a coop.  So I would get and put up my own coop.  Do all research.  etc.  This assumes that you truly have the money to fund all of this, of course.  But I would handle this by saying "OK.  You said to go ahead but you didn't want to be involved.  I'm assuming you really mean this." before going out to get them.  I personally think that saying that and then getting mad that you did go ahead even if he isn't involved is passive-aggressive on his part.  

 

I would not do it for things that he really needs to have something to do with.  So anything regarding raising kids (which I think really has to be done together) doesn't fall into this category.  

 

I would not get rid of their stuff.

 

I would buy him a jar of Jif and buy me a jar of Skippy.  or alternate shopping trips or something.  I think that compromise to make everyone in the family happy at least once in a while is good.   :)

 

 

[sunflowerlady]

Hmm, well the wifely submission people will be letting you know that they would submit to their dh in all things. 

 

For me, I would not get the chickens if my dh felt that strongly about it.  Just me trying to respect his feeling.

 

Now we have had situations where he has not gotten his way and that it has worked out. We ended up with a few extra cats in the last several months because stray kittens showed up. He didn't want to keep them all or let them in the house. However, that is not how it ended up.  Now he loves them and cuddles them and doesn't mind.

 

I did the work of getting them all spayed/neutered and paid for it from my part time job income.

 

 

[Spryte]

We are equals and we generally talk through any disagreements, and find a workable solution.

 

Fair warning, I don't feel the chicken obsession. So my take might not be applicable since, well, I don't feel driven to have chickens... But I would not bring living creatures into our family unless everyone was on board. One "no" would veto it. Chances are, care will fall to your DH one day due to scheduling or illness, anyway, so there's no way to say he won't have to care for them.

 

On other things, not living, the situation is different. I can't remember any major disagreements, nithing we haven't been able to talk through...

[Catherine]

I think it's really a bedrock of a strong relationship to respect the other person's words.  Meaning, I would not lie or do something he asked me not to (barring a safety situation, of course).  OTOH, most of life is those gray areas and I think strong communication is the way to solve those differences. Really understanding where one's SO is coming from is the key.  Is it a preference not to do extra work?  An issue of ethical or moral import for them?  You have to talk in order to understand where he is coming from.  

[fairfarmhand]

It would depend on how big a thing it was to me.

 

Getting animals against one spouse;s wishes would be a huge deal in our family. I try to turn it around and think "If he wanted x and did it even knowing that I specifically didn't want it,how would I feel?"

 

 

But there have been times when my dh has said, "I  think we should x, but you want to do y, so go ahead and try it your way. If it doesn't turn out well, I reserve the right to say I told you so."

 

[Heidi]

For the most part I respect his wishes as he does mine. The chicken thing would be hard, I'd probably fold. But some things I get stubborn on and do what I want just to make sure he remembers he's not the boss (he's kinda bossy).

[Barb_]

In your case I'd get the chickens. They'd be my responsibility but I'd get them.

 

Another example: my husband is South American. He wanted to have the girls ears pierced as babies. I didn't. I told him if he wanted to take the responsibility of taking the child in and cleaning them himself that's fine, but I didn't want to have to do it. He did it once :) He also wanted our son circ'd but I didn't. Same deal. I wasn't willing to go through trauma to do something I didn't want done. That never did happen.

 

I got a dog even though he was adamantly no dogs (no allergies, just didnt want the extra responsibility). Now he adores her.

 

We're independent adults and are free to do anything we want within reason that doesn't actively harm someone else. Neither of needs the permission or support of the other in order to make a decision. Nice, but not necessary.

 

In your pb example, I would buy both and write "Dad's pb" on the label. Problem solved.

[regentrude]

I would not see this as "completely against it": he said go ahead and have chickens, but he does not want anything to do with them. Fair enough. You can have your chickens and leave him alone as he did not say you are not allowed to have any. But make sure he does not need to deal with them.

Peanut butter? Buy two jars. No disagreement - just different taste. We have several foods in the house DH likes and I don't, and several I like and he does not.

 

We decide jointly whether to throw something out - if one person does not want to, the item stays. Conversely, we do not have to agree on acquiring an item (as long as finances work out)

 

It would be difficult if we really headbutted about an important decision. We would work hard to achieve compromise. Whether to homeschool would be such a question where both spouses need to be on board, or whether to have an animal IN the house if one person was completely against it.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Like Jean said, I would ask if it was really a "I don't want to be involved."  vs. a "I really hate chickens and would not want them on my property."  Kind of thing.  If it was the former and I could do the work myself and not make it his problem, then I would go ahead. 

 

On the Jif vs. Skippy ... Sorry but only natural organic peanut butter in this house. :lol:  After all, that is a health decision. 

[ktgrok]

When we disagree, the person that cares the most usually gets their way. So, my dh doesn't want chickens more than I want chickens, so we don't have them. The kids and I wanted to keep the kitten we found more than he didn't want to keep it, so it stayed. I wanted a homebirth more than he didn't want one, so we had one. (plus, my body, so we both agreed that was my call). Etc. 

[kewb]

It really depends on what we are disagreeing about.  Animals are a big deal so I would not just come home with some chickens. 

 

[maize]

I didn't consult my husband, a friend was selling her coop complete with one chicken and I bought it :)

 

Our relationship is a bit unusual though because decisions, especially those involving money, are very anxiety producing for dh and after years of trying to involve him I finally determined that in our situation it is often better for me to just make a decision. He gets stressed and doesn't want to commit to anything. If I had to get his approval for every purchase or commitment, we would never buy or do anything. He usually is OK once a decision has become a fact, and if it really doesn't work out we can adjust as needed. Chickens don't have to be permanent...

[Katy]

No, we're not adversarial.  We're on the same team.   Someone I know recently got divoriced because they were constant adversaries.  He'd agree with her to her face then go behind her back & do whatever he wanted anyway.

 

DH sometimes doesn't agree with my decisions initially, but he usually comes around, regarding homeschools, pets, remodeling, decorating, and pretty much any topic he knows I know more about than he does.

[Aiden]

I'm one of those wifely submission people. In our family, that means he has 51% say and I have 49% say. We would discuss it and try to come to a mutually agreeable solution. He often chooses to defer to my preferences, especially if I care about the issue more than he does, and often I am able to answer his concerns well enough that he genuinely comes around to my position. (And I genuinely come around to his position equally often.) In those rare occasions when we absolutely don't agree and can't come to an agreement, I go with his decision, whether he decides to go with his own or my preference.

 

In the situations you describe, I'd ask him if he really meant that he didn't object to the chickens if he didn't have to do the work. If he did mean it, and I was absolutely confident that I could do it without needing help from him with it, including building the coop, then I'd go ahead with it. But if it ever got to the point where I needed his help (and he hadn't changed his mind and fallen in love with fresh eggs or whatever), the chickens would be gone immediately.

 

My husband usually defers to me on homeschool decisions because he knows I've done the research and I'll be the main one implementing. However, I do usually discuss options with him, solicit his opinion, and make recommendations with his educational philosophies in mind as well as my own.

 

When we got married, I hated peanut butter. My family had always used creamy. He absolutely loves JIF extra crunchy. I bought it for him, and he convinced me to try it. Turns it I love crunchy peanut butter, too, and dislike only the creamy kind. The more comparable situation for us is that I prefer real mayo and he prefers Miracle Whip. I could get two jars, one for each of us, but I don't care enough for that, so I just get the Miracle Whip.

[Murphy101]

To me going against his wishes goes against my wishes. Shouldn't my wish be for us both to be happy? What would it say about me if I was willing to toss his happiness aside for my own? I've never understood these marriage dynamics.

 

However, my gardening and the pool and knitting are completely my things. Dh is honest about what we can afford, but he has zero interests in them and said from the start he wanted nothing to do with them. He has never done one thing other than drive me about town to buy stuff for them. Me and the kids did and do all the digging, setting up, and maintaining. I'm fine with that. He will sometimes buy me something nice related to these things, but he has no interests in participating. He shows an interest, like admiring what I've made or whatever. There's no resentment or displeasure about it. I'm the same with his home brewing beer and cook-off competitions. I show an interest bc hello, I'm interested in my dh, but I have nothing to do with the process. This is pretty much how our family runs in general. Very few of us have similiar interests and some of us are interested in things that others are adamently not interested in. It's no big deal.

 

That said. My dh is pretty firm that I can't have chickens or ducks. It's a good thing I'm okay with that bc we both know if I fell in love with some chicken at the farmer market, he'd bring it home without me even asking. For all his talk about me and critters, he is way worse than I am. He said 5 pets ago we were never getting a second pet. *eyeroll*

 

ETA: I guess this part of it too. It's so rare for one of us to be adamently against something the others want that on the rare ocassion it happens, it really is hard to justify doing it anyways.

[Aiden]

Oh, and the getting rid of stuff: I only get rid of my stuff (my clothes, books in genres he doesn't like, kitchen stuff, etc). He only gets rid of his stuff (though I do often point out when his collections are outgrowing their allotted space and ask him to either pare it down or help me find an alternative space). When things are more joint property (books we both enjoy, baby gear, home decor, etc), we have to agree or we don't get rid of it.

[lllll]

..

[LucyStoner]

In our family, no pets or animals unless everyone is on board. That said, most likely neither of us would be very against something the other really wanted. We generally both want to accommodate the other person's interests and wishes.

[creekland]

My guy lets me run our house (meaning he rarely cares about things enough to object to anything).  When I told him I wanted chickens for my birthday many moons ago, he went out and got them (and everything to go with them) for me.  He also willingly does chicken chores many days.

 

With the pb, I'd buy both brands if there were something he felt strongly about.  I do buy things only he eats.  He eats them when he's alone or with the kids before they left (I'm working or out).

 

Let's see... I occasionally have an alcoholic drink while on vacation.  He was raised a teetotaler.  Roughly 50% of the time he'll join me with a drink and there have been a couple of times we've bought wine together for our house, but usually in the house we don't have it around.

 

He's not into lottery tickets at all.  When pots get huge, I'll sometimes indulge in $5 and we'll enjoy a night of dreaming.

 

He loves sailing and I don't.  I had no problem letting him rent a boat on our recent vacation or taping sailing shows on our DVR for him.

 

Otherwise, well, we agree on things.  I like it that way.  Or I suppose there are a few things (like loading the dishwasher) where we just give each other space and don't look.   :lol:  

[LucyStoner]

The other things you mentioned:

 

Homeschooling subjects- I'm the main teacher so I get to mainly decide. I hear out his suggestions though because he's a pretty awesome person with good ideas. I don't think the kids are skipping anything he wanted them to learn.

 

Buying stuff- we are both responsible and conscientious and we each buy the things we want within our budget. Neither of us has any budget busting vices.

 

Food brands- I keep his preferences in mind here. I have few food brand preferences and I tend to get what I know he will like. I also tend to cook some of his favorite dinners every week. I do buy both crunchy and creamy PB (crunchy for him, creamy for baking and my sons). I always buy his brands for coffee because he's the main coffee drinker and he's got good taste. M

[clementine]

I'd have to say don't get chickens.  

 

I make the homeschooling decisions, but typically inform him if something is spendy, or time-consuming & might affect his time with the family.

He makes the vehicle maintenace decisions, but will let me know if something is going to hurt our budget a little.

 

Other than that, we're equal partners & each have say.  

 

 

[Bluegoat]

When we disagree, the person that cares the most usually gets their way.

 

Yes, I think this is usually the case in my family as well.  Or, if a decision is of a nature that would affect other people.  I'd like chickens too, and my husband isn't keen for various reasons.  I am pretty sure though that I would need his help.  I won't get another cat either, because he is allergic - he lived with the cat I had when we married for years, but he had sinus issues the whole time.

 

The idea of just bringing home chicks seems like blackmail to me.

 

I think also we have a certain sense that we have different areas of expertise and responsibility, and we tend to defer to the other on those.

 

I've seen a few cases where a couple really clashed on something and it was a huge problem - one was actually about circumcising a baby, which neither had thought to discuss ahead of time.  When both people feel really strongly, and it is something that affects other people in such a basic way, it is hard to see a way through it.

[BigMamaBird]

I wouldn't get chickens without agreement from Dh.  We do disagree about the importance of my teaching the kids cursive but it's not a big issue.  Brands of peanut butter wouldn't even be on the radar.

 

We're a team so for major things we try to come to a consensus.  I wouldn't want him going against my very strong wishes so I don't against his.  

[Peaceful Isle]

It is very rare that my dh is completely against something. An example would be: I want to buy something big, and we have no money for it.

 

We both have the same goals in life and the same values , so we are the same that way.

 

Usually, if I really want something bad enough, he makes a way to make it happen for me if it is at all possible. I am spoiled like that. 

 

Also, if he really wants something, I try my hardest to make it happen for him. 

[foxbridgeacademy]

Actually the exact thing happened years ago when we were in NC.  I wanted Chickens he wanted "nothing to do with it".  When asked if he'd at least build me a coop, he was like "well, yeah I can do that"" .  I also wanted one that could be moved (giant chicken tractor) and "sure, I can help you move it a couple feet every couple days".  So he wasn't as adverse as he first seemed. 

 

For the little things (like the PB) I tend to get what he likes  or get both. For the things I feel are important then I'd do it anyway, just because he doesn't agree doesn't make them any less important.

 

 

ETA: Full disclosure, we've never had to cross that "bridge" so to speak.  I've yet to want something that he is totally against and he's very reasonable about the things he wants.

[DawnM]

I am laughing a bit and can't help it.

 

My husband wants chickens, I said "absolutely not!"  :laugh:

 

One of us usually gives in.  I feel like he gives in on the small stuff but I give in on the big stuff and sometimes I regret it and sometimes it is ok.

 

Thankfully I have finally gotten him to agree to at least move away from the middle of nowhere and into the area we do 99% of our activities other than sleeping.

 

But to answer your question: One of us has to give in, it just has to happen that way if we completely disagree.

 

 

[AimeeM]

No way. 

This goes beyond the head of household argument (we ARE very traditional, and I *do* consider my husband to be head of our home) and well into blatant disregard for one's spouse.

I mean, especially when we're talking living creatures... chickens, a dog, whatever. 

 

 

 

[JustEm]

I have never gone against my dh's wishes but we are generally able to come to a compromise. For example, with things he wants but I dont think they are necessary he can use his budgeted "me money" to buy it, and vice versa. For chickens, we'd discuss his reservations and I'd decide if I wanted to take care of them entirely by myself or just not have them. I'd also use my "me money" to fund them. With peanut butter I'd simply buy the kind I like because I'm in control of what my children eat and I buy thingswith specific ingredients. If he wanted his own he could buy it or ask me to buy it and leave it in a location that the kids couldn't use it to make their sandwiches.

[KrissiK]

No, I don't. I think it's rude and inconsiderate. And it has nothing to do with submission and all that argument. Why would I treat my husband that way? Why would I treat anyone that way? If I wanted something and he didn't then I would continue work at negotiations, but I wouldn't just bring them home.

[mamaraby]

When it comes to another living, sentient being? No. No cats, dogs, chickens, birds, fish, etc come into the house unless everyone is on board. If one person is against it, then the answer is no. I didn't want a dog, but dh didn't run out and get one just because he desperately wanted one. We did continue to discuss it and I did agree eventually. While our dog is a sweet and kind member of our family, I would not have been able to "get over it" if my dh were to have sprung him on me. And, perhaps most importantly, it would not have been fair to the dog.

[Callie]

Why does his opinion hold more weight?

[*Lulu*]

When we disagree, the person that cares the most usually gets their way. So, my dh doesn't want chickens more than I want chickens, so we don't have them. The kids and I wanted to keep the kitten we found more than he didn't want to keep it, so it stayed. I wanted a homebirth more than he didn't want one, so we had one. (plus, my body, so we both agreed that was my call). Etc.

This is how we are in most things.

 

Sometimes when we are at odds we ask each other to rate the issue. Buying a Abc brand television is a 7 to him and a 3 to me, so he gets to choose. Buying xyz writing program is a 7 to me and a 5 to me, so I get to choose.

 

Having a fourth child was a 10 for each of us, so we abided by the "two yeses, one no" ideal and have three children. :)

 

DH did not want guinea pigs, as in did not want to have anything to do with it.

 

We have four.

 

He occasionally pets one.

 

We are happy with this arrangement.

[marbel]

On a big thing like that, we have to be in agreement.  Any sort of pet or livestock is a big thing to me.  Same with buying a vehicle. I wouldn't buy a vehicle without getting agreement. 

 

Someone asked why his opinion holds more weight than hers.  I don't think it does.  It's just that big things require agreement and if one person says no, then... it's no.  If my husband wanted to buy a motorcycle, I'd say no - and he wouldn't buy it.  

 

For minor things like food, I try to take everyone's preferences into account.  For peanut butter, I might just buy two if we would eat enough that one or the other wouldn't go bad.   We have a wide variety of food preferences in our family and I try not to make anyone the loser all the time.  Which reminds me that it's been an awfully long time since I've made sloppy joes... ugh.  Hate them, but 2 of the 4 of us like them, so.... I guess it's time. 

 

 

[poppy]

When it comes to another living, sentient being? No. No cats, dogs, chickens, birds, fish, etc come into the house unless everyone is on board. If one person is against it, then the answer is no. I didn't want a dog, but dh didn't run out and get one just because he desperately wanted one. We did continue to discuss it and I did agree eventually. While our dog is a sweet and kind member of our family, I would not have been able to "get over it" if my dh were to have sprung him on me. And, perhaps most importantly, it would not have been fair to the dog.

 

Are you a vegetarian? Just curious. It's rare to hear a meat eater refer to a chicken as a "sentient being".

[gardenmom5]

  I really want some backyard chickens and I have wanted them for several years.  My spouse is completely against it, therefore, I have no chickens.  He has said that he will not prevent me from getting them, but he wants absolutely nothing to do with them (not sure if this would extend to even making me a coop. 

 

he's given his opinion.  he's told you to do what you want - he won't help with them.  I wouldn't count on his making you a coop.  I wouldn't count on him supporting the purchase of one (around here, they can be pricy), or the materials to make one.

 

is there any history of your doing things he doesn't want, and he ends up having to help?

 

only you know if he how deep his "no chickens" stance is.  if he's saying do what you want because he lacks the backbone to give a firm "no", or he just doesn't care and wants no part of it.

[kiana]

I wouldn't get an animal without both people being on board, at least in a "as long as I don't have to smell its poop" manner. I'd have no problem spending my "me money" on an inanimate object that he didn't like, such as a giant metal chicken, but not on a living being that requires care.

[MomatHWTK]

I guess you need to run out and buy some chicks in order to prove your independent woman non-submissive wife creds now.  :glare:

 

I do believe my Dh is the head of our household, though it looks nothing like what is alleged by others who claim to know what I might or might not say.  I wouldn't want to bring home a living creature if we were in disagreement because our choices then affect that creature.  Are you going to let the chickens free range in the back yard?  If so, from what a friend who has done so tells me- you will have no bugs, but plan to clean poo off everything.  If I were the one against chickens, I'd not agree to mow the lawn anymore.  ;)

 

ETA:  I eat meat but I still feel that if you change the living circumstances of a live creature, you then become responsible for its welfare. 

[*Lulu*]

I wouldn't get an animal without both people being on board, at least in a "as long as I don't have to smell its poop" manner. I'd have no problem spending my "me money" on an inanimate object that he didn't like, such as a giant metal chicken, but not on a living being that requires care.

But would you name it Beyoncé?

[kiana]

But would you name it Beyoncé?

 

Absolutely.

 

[*Lulu*]

Absolutely.

 

You are my kinda people.

[Laura Corin]

No, but that's because if one of us really wants something, the other one tries - having made any relevant objections - to understand and agree.  I can't remember a single instance where that didn't work.

[Alice]

It's rare that we truly disagree. My husband would say we each have "spheres of influence" meaning that there are areas that we each know more about and so have more say in. For me that would be homeschooling and anything medical. For him that would be most anything to do with the cars or house repairs. We tend to defer to each other in those areas. It doesn't mean the other person has no say, it's just that we trust each other and recognize that the other person has more expertise.

 

So, if I bring up something about the car that I think needs fixing and he says it's ok to wait, I trust him that he knows more than me. Or when it comes time to buy a new car he does all the research and usually I defer to his judgement. (Although last time I ended up with a car with manual locks and windows so I've had to amend my "things the car must have list". The upside is that kids tend to think our manual roll-down windows are really cool. It's the only time most have seen them. ) If I tell him one of the kids needs a vaccine, he defers to me. Or if I say I've researched math programs and I think AOPS is the bee's knees he is fine with that. The other reason this works for us is that we generally respect each other so we can trust that the other person isn't going to make decisions that are against our wishes. He knows I have a low tolerance for handle major home renovations while we are living here so he wouldn't start on something without discussing it with me. I often talk to him about curriculum and ask for his opinion because I value his opinion even though ultimately it's usually my decision. 

 

For minor things, it wouldn't really come up. With the peanut butter example, I'd probably buy the kind I liked most of the time and sometimes I'd buy the kind he liked to be nice. He would likely buy the kind I liked because he's generally a nicer person than me. A general principle we both try to live by is to most of the time try and put the other person first. If we are both doing that it seems to work well. 

 

For more major disagreements, I think the spouse who feels most strongly about an issue "wins" or the one that wants what is least disruptive. So, in the chicken example I'd defer to him because getting chickens is more disruptive to the family than not getting chickens. 

 

Neither of us really discuss purchases with the other person but we also wouldn't buy something really big without the other one. I do the finances so usually he'll ask me if he wants to make a big purchase just to make sure it fits in the budget. I would tell him before making a huge purchase but that rarely comes up. 

 

ETA: I really liked what Laura said and I agree. I think in the chicken example if chickens were really important to one of us the other one would likely really try to understand why and give it a try even if we didn't want to do it. 

 

 

 

[Guest]

No, I do not go against my spouse's wishes, because I love him and respect his boundaries. He loves me and respects mine as well. We actually want chickens, and he has been a little reluctant. The solution for me was pricing it out, coming up with a reasonable plan of action, and then explaining to him why I wanted to go that route. It cleared up a lot of the objections, provided I met certain terms (waiting until a current pet of ours passes away to free up some time and resources, potentially waiting until we have moved so we have more space for the chickens, etc) but he didn't shut me down cold. I offered my reasons, he offered his, and we have come to what looks like a workable solution :)

 

I don't overrule my husband. I can't think of the last time I did, in either spirit or action. He so rarely puts his foot down and says no to things, and his reasons are almost always for the betterment of the family's finances. So he gives me a ton of freedom day to day in the operating of our home, or spending, how we use out time, etc, and every once in awhile he has to give us a boundary so we don't get ourselves in over our heads financially, with time, or shoot ourselves in the foot down the road. I respect his opinion in these matters and know he tries very, very hard to let me have my way unless there is a good reason not to. Thus, when he has to hold the line I really do my best to not push it, because he doesn't do it frequently or without need.

[LibraryLover]

My dh thought he never wanted a dog. I brought a mutt home one day, and he brought home our second dog.

 

I dragged him to Europe after grad school (for 3 months).  He said we didn't have enough money to do that. He was right. We ended up sleeping on trains instead of hotels or hostels towards the end.  A wonderful adventure. He loved it.

 

I dragged him across the country to live when he was 22. He loved it.

 

My dh prefers/preferred what is known and stable. He has told me many times that his life would have been dull without me.

 

He's right.

 

He never thought he wanted chickens, but we bought a house with a couple of acres and a barn. So, the rest is history. He also used to have a pet turkey who followed him around as he did yard work. He's thanked me more than once.

 

To get back at me, he dragged me back across the country. It's been a great adventure, so far.  <3

[lovinmyboys]

I wouldn't go against my spouses wishes generally...for sure not about an animal. I am not much of an animal person and I would be pretty ticked if he brought one home.

 

In your case, I hope he changes his mind for your sake, but I wouldn't get chickens unless he agreed.

[AK_Mom4]

We buy two jars of peanut butter.

 

Living with another person involves compromise on both parts. When DH and I have different points of view on a topic, we negotiate for an agreement we can both live with.

 

More of that happened of course during our early married years. We have become more compatible as the years go by.