Neighborhood Toddlers? WWYD

[Paige]

My neighbors have started sending their toddlers to my yard with their older siblings. The babies have just turned 2 within the past month. Their siblings are 7 or 8. Nobody asked me- they just appeared. Our yard is very large, but fenced, with a dog, dog food and water, and a doggy door. We have a porch with all kinds of stuff on it for getting into- including DS's collection of things to invent with (random assortment of "stuff"), a grill, plants, etc. We also have a ramp with no rails off of one side that has a fairly steep fall onto rocky and uneven ground and an air conditioning unit, we have a large playset with multiple swings and slides, disc swings, tire swings, a zipline, and a slack line. We have a creek along our yard outside of the fenced area, but I am not controlling who goes in and out of the fence. 

 

I am not comfortable with the babies over unsupervised. Am I being unreasonable? This is not a JAWM. I am thinking about telling them that kids need to be at least 4 to play; maybe 3. In the past, we've had a rule that everyone who plays nicely is welcome. I'm not concerned about liability as much as about the kids really getting hurt. I don't consider their siblings old enough to be responsible, and I've seen their judgement on their own and have little trust. My own kids are not old enough to babysit except for DS, who is usually not out with them and doesn't want to anyway. I am not willing to babysit either, so they are just running around. Sometimes they try to crawl inside through the doggie door and need to be ushered back out.

 

Is it normal and reasonable for kids that age to roam the neighborhood with older siblings (2nd graders)? I actually remember roaming the neighborhood myself at that age, but if I remember correctly, our yards were about 1/4 the size, there were no playsets or creeks, there were some teens, and the moms usually sat outside.

 

Am I the crazy one? DH is fine with it. He thinks that as long as the moms are ok with it, it's not our problem. The moms probably think that too. If we still had a young child, I wouldn't let him or her play out there without me at that age.

[Amy in NH]

I'd walk the babies home and tell their parents that they need to supervise anyone under the age of X themselves.

[Valley Girl]

You are not crazy.

[poppy]

I would not be OK with that.

 

I also think that it's so incredibly unfair to the older siblings. I have a 3 and 6 year old and I'm pretty careful to never make my 6 year old in charge when there is a safety concern at play, because she'd blame herself forever if he was hurt, even though she is too young to be responsible for him.

[fraidycat]

Take them home when they show up.

 

I would not be fine with it at all. Especially in today's litigious society and they're TWO. Wth are those parents thinking?

[elegantlion]

I hate confrontation, but no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. The parents are getting free babysitting and you're just getting worry. I'd nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger issue. I would use the "my yard is not set up for toddlers," smile and repeat if necessary. 

[Mommy22alyns]

Um, NO.

[sassenach]

That's crazy.  Two year olds are babies.  

[school17777]

I'd walk the babies home and tell their parents that they need to supervise anyone under the age of X themselves.

I would walk them back, but I wouldn't give an age because that's just setting yourself up to be their "babysitter" in x years.

[Ellie]

I'd walk the babies home and tell their parents that they need to supervise anyone under the age of X themselves.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[Anne in CA]

As much as I hate certain kinds of confrontation myself (and I hate any kind of confrontation where I might appear to be judgmental of someone else's parenting) this needs to be nipped in the bud. You have the worry, they have none. Not right at all. You deserve to enjoy your summer. If they get mad and don't allow their other kids to play with yours, you were still right. This is not okay.

[Trish]

On Friday my 4-year-old nephew sustained a concussion at a pre-K/daycare run by adults.

 

Just sayin.

[trulycrabby]

Oh my stars, that's unbelievable! You are absolutely not crazy!

[Kathryn]

Not okay. I don't let my 4.5yo out of our own yard without me.

[KatieJ]

We had this happen in our neighborhood.  Summertime when the whole "gang" of kids played together, it really wasn't an issue. The toddler was usualy not in my yard, so I didn't worry about it.  But one winter day, my kids called the neighbor girls to come over and play.  Probably more specifically, my oldest called the neighbor's oldest.  The doorbell rang, and all three of the neighbor kids showed up. The youngest was 2-3 and as I recall unable to use the bathroom by herself.  Her siblings pretty much ignored her and if she needed something (bathroom, drink, snack) she came to me. She didn't even really play with the older kids.  I am talking 5-6 years difference to the next sibling.

The first time I was shocked and thought maybe there was a mix up in the invite translation. I sent them all home earlier than I probably would have had the youngest not come along.  The 2nd time it happened..........they were not invited back again.  Ever.

I hate confrontation and even tho I had some hard conversations with this family over kids and dogs, etc..I never felt liike they heard me/us.  We were wrong. Their way or the highway, so we chose the highway.  We became tolerant of each other, but never again friends.

 

If you can have a conversation with the Mom, I would do it.  2 yr olds shouldn't be outside with 7 yr olds.  I have 2 yr old grandchildren and 7 yr old grandchildren and there is no way we would leave them outside together to roam the neighborhood.

[Moxie]

What I have done--first, the rule is you have to knock on our door and ASK to play. If Sammy brings his sister, I say "Sure, you can play but your sister is to young and you need to take her back to her Mom". Then, Sammy has to deal with his Mom and not me.

[brehon]

Frankly, you should be concerned about liability.  I would be petrified that I would be hit with a lawsuit by these parents if something (even a minor something) happened to the babies.  And, of course, at barely two they're still babies.

 

I'd take them home each and every time they showed up in the yard.  And I'd make perfectly clear to the parents that the babies weren't welcome in your yard without them [the parents] there actively supervising and even then only upon specific invitation.  

 

 

[zoobie]

Send them home. That's nuts!

[JFSinIL]

Take them back home.  You are not dropping everything to supervise toddlers.  This reminds me of the time my daughter had friends over for a birthday party.  Her best friend has two younger sisters - the middle girl is taller and looks older than my daughter's friend, btw.  The girls were about 7 at the time (so kid sister was 6ish).  When the dad, who was watching his kids that day, drove up to drop off Girl One, he tried to talk me into also taking Girl Two...and the baby, less than 2 years old at the time!

 

I was NOT set up to watch a toddler - I had several projects/games to run for the kids, and told him, (with my daughter's agreement) that while the second girl could stay, the baby had to remain with him.

 

He called me about ten minutes later to say he had to bring the baby, as she was crying to come to the party. I had to again say NO!!!!!!!!!  I told him to go to McD and get her a Happy Meal as a treat.

 

Obviously, this dad just didn't want to watch his kids that day! 

[ThisIsTheDay]

I would not set an age limit.  I would tell the older siblings, "I'm sorry, you'll have to take the babies home.  I can't have them over here since I'm not able to watch them."  If they say THEY are supposed to be watching them, tell them, "But my yard is not baby friendly, it's not a safe place for them to play, so the babies can't stay at our house.  But we would LOVE to have you two big kids come back when you are done watching them!"

 

You are not being unreasonable.  The other mom is irresponsible, and your husband seems to have a case of wishful thinking(!). I would be very concerned about liability in the event of any accident.

 

We have a similar problem. The neighbor began letting her child out when he was 1-1/2.  UNSUPERVISED. I guess she may have watched--kind of--from her windows, but she has a full flight of stairs leading up to her house, it's not like he was right outside the door, and there's no fence, nothing to keep the kids in.  It's been two years, and now her younger 1-1/2 year old plays outside with the 3 or 4 year old.  I am TERRIFIED that I will accidentally back over one of these kids. I've even nicely tried to tell the mom, look, they do not stay out of the street when cars come, I'm so scared that I'll accidentally hit one.  It really, really bugs me that I am more worried about her kids than she is.  She mostly avoids me now.
 

[Harriet Vane]

Way too young. Take them back. Perhaps your rule can be that kids have to be school-aged to play at your house? Otherwise it's just free babysitting.

[Catwoman]

The other mom is trying to pull a fast one on you.

 

Don't let her get away with it.

 

Walk the little ones home and tell the mom you can't watch them, and that you won't allow young children to be unsupervised in your yard. If she says the older kids are watching them, you should be very clear that it won't be happening in your yard and that toddlers need to be supervised by their own mother, not by seven year olds.

 

The mom is seeing what she can get away with. Put a stop to it right now, or you'll be the free babysitter for years to come.

[happi duck]

I hate confrontation, but no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. The parents are getting free babysitting and you're just getting worry. I'd nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger issue. I would use the "my yard is not set up for toddlers," smile and repeat if necessary.

I agree with this and similar posts...just say no with no "promises" of a certain age or with supervision etc.

[catz]

I tend to be more free range than many here, but no way! That is beyond obnoxious.

[Paige]

Thanks for the confirmation. I was starting to think I'm out of touch because it's actually 2 separate families and not usually at the same time. I've been told I'm uptight. I think this will confirm the opinion that I am a mean mom. 

 

One mother I have only spoken with once and it was not an especially good conversation. The other one and I have a relationship that involves waving and smiling if we see each other and maybe saying hi. We aren't close. I am concerned that when school gets out that this could become a regular thing. I can't relax when I see the babies out there. I end up standing by the window trying to make sure I can see the little ones instead of making dinner. Tonight I actually burnt a hole in my spice container dumping it all over everywhere because I accidentally set it on a burner because I was distracted watching the baby on the ramp. 

 

 

 

[idnib]

Yeah, there's no way I could deal with that. I do know a large family where all the kids go to the park together without parental supervision, and an 8 or 10 year old wears the 1 year old in a sling and they are very good with the toddler. But in my yard, and running loose? No way.

[MollyAnn]

We have a similar problem. The neighbor began letting her child out when he was 1-1/2. UNSUPERVISED. I guess she may have watched--kind of--from her windows, but she has a full flight of stairs leading up to her house, it's not like he was right outside the door, and there's no fence, nothing to keep the kids in. It's been two years, and now her younger 1-1/2 year old plays outside with the 3 or 4 year old. I am TERRIFIED that I will accidentally back over one of these kids. I've even nicely tried to tell the mom, look, they do not stay out of the street when cars come, I'm so scared that I'll accidentally hit one. It really, really bugs me that I am more worried about her kids than she is. She mostly avoids me now.

 

I am not one who involves authorities and I usually prefer to keep out of someone else's parenting, but this is neglect and child endangerment and I would call the cops each and everytime I saw them out unsupervised.

 

On the OP, I would wait for the next time for the babies to show up and take them home myself and explain to their mom that my house is not set up for toddlers and that I am uncomfortable with the babies being unsupervised and that I do not consider their older sibling adequate supervision. I would not leave it up to the older siblings to take them home.

[73349]

Not okay. Walk 'em home. "Hi, Mrs. Foolish. Junior here was loose in my yard, so I brought him back to you."

[Lara in Colo]

Ahem.... who changes the diapers????

[AK_Mom4]

I would NOT walk the toddler back.  That just sets you up for a discussion with the mom that is a lose-lose situation.

 

Tell the OLDER sibs to take the babies home and that they can come back another time when the babies aren't with them.

[Lara in Colo]

You can blame it on your HO insurance---- they would drop you like a hot rock if they knew a baby was there unattended by an adult or if they suspected you were running a daycare without telling them

[Paige]

Not okay. Walk 'em home. "Hi, Mrs. Foolish. Junior here was loose in my yard, so I brought him back to you."

My then 3yo got loose the weekend we moved in and ended up at one of their houses. Mom let her inside, kept her, and fed her lemonade and popcorn while I frantically searched. First day we met. 

 

I think maybe she expects me to return the favor.  :laugh:

[Catwoman]

Thanks for the confirmation. I was starting to think I'm out of touch because it's actually 2 separate families and not usually at the same time. I've been told I'm uptight. I think this will confirm the opinion that I am a mean mom.

 

One mother I have only spoken with once and it was not an especially good conversation. The other one and I have a relationship that involves waving and smiling if we see each other and maybe saying hi. We aren't close. I am concerned that when school gets out that this could become a regular thing. I can't relax when I see the babies out there. I end up standing by the window trying to make sure I can see the little ones instead of making dinner. Tonight I actually burnt a hole in my spice container dumping it all over everywhere because I accidentally set it on a burner because I was distracted watching the baby on the ramp.

Better to be the mean mom than the free town babysitter!!!

 

(It's also better to be the smart mom that you are, and not the complete moron moms who send their 2yo children over to the house of someone they barely know for free babysitting. I mean, seriously, WHO DOES THAT???)

[Word Nerd]

Nope! Not happening at my house. I would tell the kids their siblings are too little to play at my house and send them home.

[RoundAbout]

Yikes. I might let this happen once simply because I'd be so surprised and flabbergasted that I wouldn't know how to respond right away. I know a lot of free range parents, but not one of them would let a 2 year old out unsupervised.

 

I agree that you should have the older siblings take the baby back. No need to get into a discussion or debate with the other moms. Your yard. Your rules.

"Unsupervised toddler" and "creek" together make me freak out.  And I'm moderately free range.

[mirth]

If you take them back yourself, you should prepare yourself to find there's no adult at home.

[Paige]

If you take them back yourself, you should prepare yourself to find there's no adult at home.

 

I'm pretty sure there are adults home at both places all the time the kids are home. One is a SAHM and the other has them in daycare when she works and there's usually also a grandparent or babysitter and maybe a boyfriend or more at home with them when she's home. 

 

Now I'm worrying about what will happen to one baby if we don't let baby stay. Baby would probably be safer in my unsupervised yard than (un)supervised with sibling by the creek or even in their own yard. There's a pool with no fence. I know...boggles the mind! There's a reason we aren't close friends. 

[Catwoman]

I'm pretty sure there are adults home at both places all the time the kids are home. One is a SAHM and the other has them in daycare when she works and there's usually also a grandparent or babysitter and maybe a boyfriend or more at home with them when she's home.

 

Now I'm worrying about what will happen to one baby if we don't let baby stay. Baby would probably be safer in my unsupervised yard than (un)supervised with sibling by the creek or even in their own yard. There's a pool with no fence. I know...boggles the mind! There's a reason we aren't close friends.

Don't get sucked into worrying about what will happen to either child if you don't babysit. These are not your children.

 

If you are truly concerned about the child's safety, you don't babysit -- you call CPS.

 

Sorry to sound so harsh, but if the mom is as neglectful as you seem to think she is, she should be reported, not enabled, which is what you'd be doing if you started watching her kid for her. Eventually, you'll want to go out for the day -- do you really want to spend the day worrying about what is happening to that toddler because you're not there to supervise?

[Truscifi]

I'm pretty free range. I let ds10 watch his 20 month old little brother outside in my own yard, and sometimes walk him in his stroller on our street while we do yard work. But at someone else's house? No. And I would certainly not send my little to someone else's house without their permission.

[KungFuPanda]

I vote abnormal and unreasonable. Tell the older sibling to take the baby home and tell mom that your house isn't toddler-proof and an adult needs to watch the baby.

[Elisabet1]

I like the part where people have to go through the front door. If the children have to come through the front door, and you lock the gate, then you can put an end to this before the toddlers get to the back yard. That would be a much better way to handle it than to simply find the babies in the backyard.

[ThisIsTheDay]

 I've been told I'm uptight. I think this will confirm the opinion that I am a mean mom. 

 

 

 

Then you and I would probably happily co-exist as neighbors, sharing our (similarly aged) kids back and forth between houses and being careful not to intrude on the other family, possibly to the point that others might think we are unfriendly.

 

I'd love you, actually.

[gardenmom5]

I'd give the parents a visit/call "assuming" they didn't know where the babies were.   "I'm sure you're concerned about ulric.  My house isn't childproof and I'd hate for anything to happen to him. so, I can't have him here."

 

walk the babies home if you have to, send their older siblings to take them home if you have to, and no matter how much the parents reassure you it's fine "that's so sweet of you, but I must insist upon their safety and my house/yard simply isn't safe for a toddler.:"

[chiguirre]

Honestly, I think you should lock your fence gate and post a No Trespassing Sign. I've known 2 families that have lost children to drowning and I don't know a huge sample of people. It's dangerous and you don't want to be responsible.

[KatieJ]

Thanks for the confirmation. I was starting to think I'm out of touch because it's actually 2 separate families and not usually at the same time. I've been told I'm uptight. I think this will confirm the opinion that I am a mean mom. 

 

 

 

In my experience with neighbors, these kinds of families only worry about what works in their household and give no thought to what works in your household. Just be firm and end it  now in whatever fashion works for you.

[datgh]

Another vote here for not OK!  Send the baby home with the older siblings ASAP.  You have already burned up a bottle of spice.  Next it could be your house.  I think your dh might feel very differently then.

[Okra]

This is very unreasonable!  I would also  not give an age.  Just send the child home with the older and a message that they are too young to play.

[Paige]

Honestly, I think you should lock your fence gate and post a No Trespassing Sign. I've known 2 families that have lost children to drowning and I don't know a huge sample of people. It's dangerous and you don't want to be responsible.

 

We don't have a pool, they do. We don't let our kids swim in their pool or hot tub because we think their safety measures are too lax and my kids aren't strong swimmers. The creek is outside of the fence and goes through the whole street including their homes. Most of the time it is almost dry with just enough water to get muddy. When we have heavy rains it will get maybe 1-2ft. It's enough to find tadpoles for a couple days. 

 

The baby has only come over a couple of times and they have all been within the past few weeks. I guess now that Baby's 2, Mom's rules have changed. Up until recently Baby has only been in their yard with an adult.

 

With the other family, the only time I've noticed Baby out without an adult was when Baby was in my yard.

 

I told my kids that I was going to tell their friends that Babies couldn't play here because I get too worried. My kids were relieved. Babies stress them out! They told me their friends would be happy about the rule too. Hopefully it will be a no drama situation! 

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

My then 3yo got loose the weekend we moved in and ended up at one of their houses. Mom let her inside, kept her, and fed her lemonade and popcorn while I frantically searched. First day we met. 

 

I think maybe she expects me to return the favor.  :laugh:

 

HOLD THE PHONE! She kept your baby INSIDE (hidden from plain sight!) feed her when she doesn't know if she had food allergies while you were frantically searching!?!??!  NO!!!! You find a baby in your house, you take them to every single house until you find their parent!!!!! :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: