Height of irritation with irresponsible son, WWYD?

[Trish]

I don't believe this.

 

Not saying 6 year olds didn't have more responsibilities years ago, but you are telling me they ran farms and households?  On what planet?

I believe it is Krypton.

[Catwoman]

I believe it is Krypton.

That explains it! :D

[redsquirrel]

The coat has to be replaced because that's what he's wearing for pictures this afternoon, pictures that are going to be giant canvases (20x30) hanging on my living room wall. We don't have a replacement outfit that I want in the pics.

 

Then it is something that is important to you. I doubt your 6 year old remembered he was supposed to save a jacket for a family picture. And if I need clothes for a performance or photo (I often do) then I take time the week before and put it all together, wash it, polish shoes etc. I am just starting to take note of what we need to wear to the family Christmas party. Things need to be sent to the cleaner, does the youngest's super cute Christmas sweater still fit?

 

My 8 year old son has a choir performance next week. It isn't his job to know where his black pants and white button down shirt are or know if they still fit. It is my job. To be honest, I haven't a clue where they are and I suspect an emergency trip to target is in the works. But that's not his fault. It is my responsibility and I took that on when I committed him to the choir. Now, my 13 year old really should know where his tuxedo shirt is. I have told him many times to keep it in a specific drawer. But, I helped him come up with that plan to keep the shirt available and clean. I didn't trust him to remember for himself.

 

yeah, it totally sucks that you have to pay to get a new one. It really, really does and I SO get that. If you lived in town I would tell you to come over and look through my boy's outgrown stuff to find a substitute. I would be so happy to loan you something. But, your frustration with yourself for not noticing the jacket was missing until too late shouldn't be misplaced on a 6 year old. 

 

If you think your 6 year old is extreme in forgetfulness (and right now I am not seeing that) it can be a symptom of ADD. My friend's son practically leaves a trail of belongings behind himself. But he is 12 and so, so obviously ADD that it is painful to watch.

[beaners]

And the watch is what he insisted to his grandmother that he had to have for his birthday, we all tried to talk him out of it, he insisted that he wanted it more than anything else and that he would keep it on.  Obviously, not so much.

 

See, this would bug me, because I have this same exact type of 6 year old that brings stuff places that should stay home.  Yeah, at six kids lose stuff.  But for a while things would be uncomfortable for the child (and me, lol) because I would be quadruple checking if anything left the house that shouldn't have or that we didn't want to lose, and nothing would be taken out of the car without my permission, etc.  With mine, there's very much an attitude (not nasty attitude, but disobedient) that is as much of the problem. If you can't keep track of your things and I have to do it for you, I decide what stays at home and what comes with us.

[Alte Veste Academy]

This is not funny...or maybe it is...LOL, but my kids' swim team hits the water right after the high school team gets out. Almost daily, the high school coaches do a lost & found from the day before...shoes, sweatshirts, water bottles, towels, bags ($$$ swim bags), pants (too many pants to mention, LOL...I mean helloooooo?!). I quite enjoy this. Gives me perspective... ;)

 

I agree that 6 is too young to lose major privileges, but you can start working on habits. As another poster suggested, my kids have bags particular to different kinds of outings. Because DD is prone to leaving stuff (left a brand new $30 snorkel on her first day of swim), I laminated inventory sheets for their swim bag. Helps to pack up for practice/meets AND to ensure stuff is not left behind. Library bags have the latest print out of checked out books. Anyway, you can just start a habit of checking that you all have everything you came with.

 

DS7 has not lost anything yet, but at least once a week he gets into the van for an outing without shoes on. We all know we have to watch his feet. Twice we have arrived at a destination without having noticed prior. Argh.

 

DD9 has left her purse on store shelves more times than I can count (I have always been spotter though) and recently left it hanging on the back of a restaurant chair when she had $65 cash in birthday money and a $25 Hobby Lobby gift card inside! Luckily the purse was still there. Hard for me to get mad. I used to leave my sunglasses everywhere...as an adult. In fact, on Saturday night, I left a takeout container FULL of fajitas on a restaurant table despite having packed it myself while looking forward to the leftovers a mere 3 minutes before. I had my mittens sewn onto a long elastic and pinned into the back of my coat until an age too embarrassing to mention. :leaving:

[redsquirrel]

See, this would bug me, because I have this same exact type of 6 year old that brings stuff places that should stay home.  Yeah, at six kids lose stuff.  But for a while things would be uncomfortable for the child (and me, lol) because I would be quadruple checking if anything left the house that shouldn't have or that we didn't want to lose, and nothing would be taken out of the car without my permission, etc.  With mine, there's very much an attitude (not nasty attitude, but disobedient) that is as much of the problem. If you can't keep track of your things and I have to do it for you, I decide what stays at home and what comes with us.

 

absolutely. If I am going to have to 1. pay more than I wish for a replacement or 2. listen to tears if it is lost then it doesn't leave the house. My boys know that things like library books and itouches and special toys don't leave the house. If they must for some reason then those items stay with me until needed and I take responsibility to get them home. My younger son got an itouch when he was 6 and has never lost it because it always stays home. Only now am I sometimes willing to let my 13 year old take his itouch places. He will still give it to me to keep in my pocket if he is going to be running around.

 

When they were younger my sons would be happy if I let them bring something in the car while we did whatever. Even now, my younger son likes it if I have his special stuffed animal in my bag when we go to some places. He knows it might get lost (major trauma) but likes knowing it is in the same place he is. That is the compromise.

 

But, having the aforementioned ADD friend and watching him show up places without shoes (how do you lose shoes between the house and the car?) has made them much more agreeable to my help managing things.

[Kim in Appalachia]

The little guy is 6!  Give him a hug, tell him how sad you are for him that he lost it, and if we wants another one maybe he can save up for it.  

 

I won't mention the year my 11 (I think that's how old he was, maybe 10? He's 14 now) lost 3 jackets!  I thought I'd go nuts, and was thrilled when I found jackets for $3 at Walmart on clearance.  He felt very sad and upset about it each time he lost one.  

 

Kids lose stuff.  Boys can be very absent minded.  And teenagers?? Oh my.  You have no idea what's ahead. :)  Really, just give the boy a big hug.  

[Just Kate]

The other day, ds had swim practice an hour after school. Instead of bringing the kids straight home from school, I decided to pack ds's swim bag, pick the kids up, and take them to my parents' house (which is closer to swim practice). Imagine ds's surprise when he went to change for swim and he had to swim shorts. I had forgotten them!!! Luckily dh was home and he quickly drove ds's swim shorts to us. Oh, I also forgot his towel, but my mom provided that.  :D

 

I wish I were more responsible about things. I mean, when I went to grab ds's bag, I did remember to get his extra clothes, goggles, swim equipment, etc. How did I forget a towel and swim shorts??? Honestly, my ds, who is 9, is better about keeping track of things than I am...and I am 37 years old! So I do think it is a bit of a personality thing. I definitely don't have ADD, but who knows? It is something that I am constantly working on.

 

Cut the kid some slack. He is only 6. And because he is your oldest, 6 seems old. But trust me, it's not!

[*Lulu*]

This is not funny...or maybe it is...LOL, but my kids' swim team hits the water right after the high school team gets out. Almost daily, the high school coaches do a lost & found from the day before...shoes, sweatshirts, water bottles, towels, bags ($$$ swim bags), pants (too many pants to mention, LOL...I mean helloooooo?!). I quite enjoy this. Gives me perspective... ;)

 

I agree that 6 is too young to lose major privileges, but you can start working on habits. As another poster suggested, my kids have bags particular to different kinds of outings. Because DD is prone to leaving stuff (left a brand new $30 snorkel on her first day of swim), I laminated inventory sheets for their swim bag. Helps to pack up for practice/meets AND to ensure stuff is not left behind. Library bags have the latest print out of checked out books. Anyway, you can just start a habit of checking that you all have everything you came with.

 

DS7 has not lost anything yet, but at least once a week he gets into the van for an outing without shoes on. We all know we have to watch his feet. Twice we have arrived at a destination without having noticed prior. Argh.

 

DD9 has left her purse on store shelves more times than I can count (I have always been spotter though) and recently left it hanging on the back of a restaurant chair when she had $65 cash in birthday money and a $25 Hobby Lobby gift card inside! Luckily the purse was still there. Hard for me to get mad. I used to leave my sunglasses everywhere...as an adult. In fact, on Saturday night, I left a takeout container FULL of fajitas on a restaurant table despite having packed it myself while looking forward to the leftovers a mere 3 minutes before. I had my mittens sewn onto a long elastic and pinned into the back of my coat until an age too embarrassing to mention. :leaving:

 

Oh my gosh, this made me laugh.

 

I seriously do an inventory roll call as we pull out of the garage to leave the neighborhood. It goes like this:

 

"Is everyone buckled up? Does everyone have their bag? Sister, do you have your glasses? Is everyone wearing shoes? Jackets? Bug, are you wearing pants AND underwear?"

 

 

I learned the hard way to ask. Crazy the things I never thought I'd say before I had kids! :P

[Just Kate]

The other day, ds had swim practice an hour after school. Instead of bringing the kids straight home from school, I decided to pack ds's swim bag, pick the kids up, and take them to my parents' house (which is closer to swim practice). Imagine ds's surprise when he went to change for swim and he had to swim shorts. I had forgotten them!!! Luckily dh was home and he quickly drove ds's swim shorts to us. Oh, I also forgot his towel, but my mom provided that.  :D

 

I wish I were more responsible about things. I mean, when I went to grab ds's bag, I did remember to get his extra clothes, goggles, swim equipment, etc. How did I forget a towel and swim shorts??? Honestly, my ds, who is 9, is better about keeping track of things than I am...and I am 37 years old! So I do think it is a bit of a personality thing. I definitely don't have ADD, but who knows? It is something that I am constantly working on.

 

Cut the kid some slack. He is only 6. And because he is your oldest, 6 seems old. But trust me, it's not!

 

ETA: I have left my purse in a grocery cart twice. You know...put my groceries in the car, push the cart over to the cart return thingy (because, yes I do return my cart!!!), and then just walk away with my purse sitting in the cart. Both times I remembered as soon as I got home and both times, I got my purse back (with nothing missing!). This was all before having kids, so my mom used to joke with me about not forgetting my baby in the grocery cart when I would go shopping. Ha ha...but kinda true!!!

 

Okay...I totally did that wrong. I meant to edit my post above, but accidentally quoted myself. Oops!

[GoVanGogh]

The coat has to be replaced because that's what he's wearing for pictures this afternoon, pictures that are going to be giant canvases (20x30) hanging on my living room wall. We don't have a replacement outfit that I want in the pics.

So? Do you think a six-year-old boy cares about this? My 50-year-old husband wouldn't.

I agree with the PP that said it is putting materialistic behavior above relationships. In five years, will you care that he had on that jacket? If not, let it go now. If so, well, I don't know what to say that wouldn't get me a warning from mods. It is just a jacket. Your boy is just a kid.

[GoVanGogh]

Okay. One more post on this thread then I am done.

Two years ago, my son "lost" his coat. We searched high and low for it for weeks, back-tracked our stops, etc. I just knew DS left it behind at science class, but it never showed up in their lost and found. I later "found" it - at the local second hand store. (With his name nicely written on back side of tag) Seems it had gotten tossed into car trunk next to bags of stuff I was donating. When the donation center worker asked, "everything back here?" as he was unloading the bags, i said yes without thinking about the coat being back there. So I lost the coat, not DS.

[poppy]

I am laughing at the idea of 6 year olds running a farm.

 

Then I remembered that scene from the Johnny Cash biopic where the boy's pre-teen brother runs a table saw and has a tragic accident and dies. Which is not funny. In that movi,e the father blamed young Johnny (who was probably around 6) for going off fishing and not being there to help his brother run the saw and it's really awful.

 

OP, I really hope you don't cancel his birthday over this.

 

[Catwoman]

I think maybe we need to ease up on Christie a bit. She obviously posted the thread when she was feeling particularly frustrated and annoyed, and I'm sure we have all been in that same kind of position where we were very upset about something for a short time, and then realized that we'd overreacted. I truly think that's what happened here.

 

She has been here for a long time and I have never gotten the impression that she's a bad mom. Even the very best moms have an off-day every now and then.

 

I will admit that the thread title really bugs me now that I know it was about a 6yo, and I do think that both she and her dh were expecting too much of their ds (especially if he's one of those 6 yo's who is also running the farm and the household after a busy day of hunting grizzly bears ;)) but I also believe that she was just feeling very frustrated and needed to vent a little.

 

But I still think her dh needs to lighten up about the watch. (Sorry, couldn't resist saying that again.)

[gardenmom5]

I agree that I thought this was a complaint about a TEEN.  he's SIX.  there is such as thing as brain development and age appropriate expectations.  while some of it is learned, some of it is developmental.  help him - remind him when you leave to get his things.

[plansrme]

. In fact, on Saturday night, I left a takeout container FULL of fajitas on a restaurant table despite having packed it myself while looking forward to the leftovers a mere 3 minutes before. 

 

 

Don't beat yourself up over this one--I waited tables in a Mexican restaurant once for about six months, and half of diners do the same thing.  Someone told me this when I started working there, and I did not believe it, but it was pretty darned close to true.

[katilac]

Back in the day six year olds did not hunt, run a farm or an entire household.  They helped of course.  No one here is saying that you don't teach the child how to take care of their belongings.  It is a process that doesn't require any magical learning as a teen.  

 

slight digression: 6-yr-olds can indeed go hunting in many states, including mine. They do have to be with a licensed hunter over 18, but they can carry their own gun and shoot it. 

 

I have yet to hear of one who ran a farm or household, though. 

[MomatHWTK]

Despite our genetic input, our children are each so very individual.  I may teach them my standards and I may hope that they adopt them, but the reality is that each and every person is going to have their own strengths and weaknesses.  I think we as parents often expect that our children's personalities will mirror our own and when they don't, it becomes frustrating. 

 

Losing something at age 6 doesn't mean the child didn't appreciate or want the item, it just means they are 6.  :)

[GSOchristie]

Sigh, I figured it was too much, I am just so frustrated with him.  Now I have to go pay whatever Gymboree or Gap is charging because the pics are today.  

 

 

His new punishment is that he's going to have to go try on coats this afternoon, another activity that he hates.  I guess my expectations are too high because my four year old never loses anything, if he comes with a coat, hat, gloves, he leaves with coat, hat, and gloves.  When he leaves Awana, he always checks his backpack for his book and vest, without my prompting, and asks his teacher if it's not in there.  Apparently that is not the norm, but it's my only basis for comparison.  

 

 

Thanks for the replies, though I admit, it makes me tired to think that this might be the case forever.  With the watch, I didn't even know he had it on, I didn't know it was gone until two days later he told me, "Um, I think I might have left my watch at church."  Maybe I can come up with a check list for him and just keep it on my phone, that way will both remember what he needs to collect.

 

 

He went back to the car and got the jacket, he wasn't wearing it at the beginning of the day, it wasn't cold at the park, this is why I didn't think to remind him.  I just assumed the jacket was still in the car, and when I went to look this morning, it wasn't.  I sent him back into the woods for his water bottle and socks on this same day.

 

 

The coat has to be replaced because that's what he's wearing for pictures this afternoon, pictures that are going to be giant canvases (20x30) hanging on my living room wall. We don't have a replacement outfit that I want in the pics.

 

 

Thanks for letting me know that he is normal, that he is going to continue losing things, and that my expectations were too high, that's what I needed to know :).  

 

 

If it is that important to you that he have a specific outfit for pictures, then it is your responsibility to keep track of that outfit, not a 6 year old's.  

 

Wow, I thought I made it clear in the above 4 posts upthread that I agreed that the punishment was too harsh and in the original post that I came on here get a feel if the punishment was too harsh.  Apparently either some people are not reading my subsequent posts or ignoring them because you wanted to continue to berate me.  That's awesome, keep doing that  :glare: .  The reason I brought up buying the new coat was that someone suggested that I go buy another coat for $1 at a thrift store, I believe I mentioned in the original post that this was the find of the year, a thrift store coat that is appropriate for professional pics, another $1.50 coat just isn't going to cut it.  The coat had to be bought this afternoon because the pics are this afternoon, it wasn't an option to just let the coat go, I didn't have anything for him to wear.  Again, either not reading or ignoring, cool.  

 

Anyway, for those of you who answered my original question kindly and gave good advice/perspective from having old kids, thank you.  I came here because I was trying to find out if I was being too hard on him since this is unexplored territory for me.  I appreciate those suggestions you gave, and it is good to know that he is not outside the norm but it is my younger child who is more unusual, in a good way :).  And the best news of all, the coat was found!  He had tossed it between our two air conditioning units outside, and he happened to find it while he was playing out there.  So off to get ready for pictures.

[GSOchristie]

Christie,

 

I have a Lands End Squall jacket like this one:

 

http://www.landsend.com/products/boys-squall-jacket/id_211604

 

It is a Little Boy size L which Lands End says is around age 7-8.

 

If you want it I can send it to you (or if you happen to be coming to Charlotte I can meet you) , my boys have all outgrown it and it is still in good condition.

 

Dawn

 

This is so kind, thank you so much!  DH is in Raleigh today, instead of Charlotte, but if not, I would have taken you up on it :).

[Catwoman]

I've so glad he found his coat, Christie! :hurray: I hope the pictures come out beautifully.

[KRG]

It is frustrating!  I think some people are just wired differently.  My husband is almost 45 and I ask him almost everytime he walks out the door if he has his phone and wallet.  Ask me how many times he has gone to town to get something and left his wallet at home ;)

[lovinmyboys]

I can totally relate to the op. Earlier this summer (when my oldest was almost 7) he left his entire baseball bag at his game. It had his cleats, bat, glove, batting gloves..over $100 worth of stuff. I had to keep track of all my other kids (3 younger than him) and their belongings and DH was out of town. This DS is a good baseball player (loves basball) and so mature on the field that I thought for sure he would know to get his own bag. I was so mad and gave him a long lecture after we searched everywhere and couldn't find it. Then I thought about making him work to earn a new one. Then, I came to my senses, apologized for the lecture, and bought him new stuff.

 

Even though I had a million other things going on, it ultimately was my responsibility to make sure his stuff came home. It is way too easy for me to see my oldest as way older than he is. I have to step back and remember that 6 (or 7) is really young (even if they have several younger sibs).

 

Hope your pictures turn out great, op!

[MomatHWTK]

For me personally, I felt a need to respond because of the statements regarding the child's overall nature and intent.  Statements indicating that he isn't like his brother who clearly is more on the mark, that it may always be like this, that he obviously didn't care about the watch.  I understand frustration, and kids can be darn inconvenient and uncooperative sometimes. Unfortunately I have even voiced this frustration to my children on numerous occasions. I am still working to develop my patience levels.  :) 

 

Children are very perceptive.  So as a parent of older kids, my advice would be to change your expectations and unlike me- manage to shield your child from your feelings about any shortcomings. 

[SJ.]

I have found it difficult to determine age appropriate expectations for my oldest.  With your oldest they seem so big and capable compared to the littles that it is hard to keep it in perspective that the oldest is still a little one too, just a big little one.  It was a light bulb moment when I realized how young DS2 seemed as he got older yet thinking back I had higher expectations for DS1 at the same age.  Good luck OP, our beautiful children can be overwhelming at times, especially with littles in the house.   :)

 

I'm so glad you found the coat.  In the future maybe have your son leave everything either in the car or at home. When it is necessary to bring something limit and be aware of what he is bringing so you can help him remember to gather his things.

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug:

 

I think you are handling this really graciously, fwiw.

[Soror]

For me personally, I felt a need to respond because of the statements regarding the child's overall nature and intent.  Statements indicating that he isn't like his brother who clearly is more on the mark, that it may always be like this, that he obviously didn't care about the watch.  I understand frustration, and kids can be darn inconvenient and uncooperative sometimes. Unfortunately I have even voiced this frustration to my children on numerous occasions. I am still working to develop my patience levels.  :)

 

Children are very perceptive.  So as a parent of older kids, my advice would be to change your expectations and unlike me- manage to shield your child from your feelings about any shortcomings.

I agree with this, please don't brand him as forever irresponsible b/c of how he acts at 6. It isn't just about the punishment or lack of but how you think of him and comparing him to his brother.

[clarkacademy]

My father was hunting at the age of 5 and on. He said he had no memory of ever not helping out he family farm in Tenn. My aunts all grew up learning how to run a household. My aunt alone was in charge of the  babies when my grandmother was in the hospital she was 8. Don't tell me kids did not have more responsibilities back in the day because your all wrong. Indian children were taught skills at very early ages. Heck my neighbor down the street starts bow hunting skills when his kids reach 3. If you don't teach children when their young they don't magically learn it. You guys can be as smart mouth as you want and baby your kids all you want you can't deny kids had more responsibility back in the day. When my great grandfather was just 7 he helped dig the grave for his mother who died one winter. Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. None of us burned our house down or acted the fool either.

[Soror]

Dead kids can't talk. No one is saying that kids didn't have more responsibility but that is quite different than saying 6yos ran family farms. Around here kids frequently hunt from about age 7 and up but they don't go alone.

[Joanne]

For his age and the forgetfulness, the consequence is that 1) he does not get to enjoy the watch he wanted and 2) his replacement jacket will likely be much less fun

 

Adding anything to that is simply *punishment* . Punishment does not mature children or move them into a later stage of development.

[poppy]

My father was hunting at the age of 5 and on. He said he had no memory of ever not helping out he family farm in Tenn. My aunts all grew up learning how to run a household. My aunt alone was in charge of the  babies when my grandmother was in the hospital she was 8. Don't tell me kids did not have more responsibilities back in the day because your all wrong. Indian children were taught skills at very early ages. Heck my neighbor down the street starts bow hunting skills when his kids reach 3. If you don't teach children when their young they don't magically learn it. You guys can be as smart mouth as you want and baby your kids all you want you can't deny kids had more responsibility back in the day. When my great grandfather was just 7 he helped dig the grave for his mother who died one winter. Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. None of us burned our house down or acted the fool either.

It's not a "back in the day" thing.  I recently read a story about how in the Ivory Coast, children are used as slave labor in cocoa farms starting around age 7. I believe child soldiers are typically recruited as young as age 9. None of that is really relevant to how I raise my children.  The question is, is it reasonable to expect a six year old to be responsible for his possession when out, and if it is, to what degree to do you take away privileges if the child does not succeed in being responsible.

 

[Catwoman]

My father was hunting at the age of 5 and on. He said he had no memory of ever not helping out he family farm in Tenn. My aunts all grew up learning how to run a household. My aunt alone was in charge of the  babies when my grandmother was in the hospital she was 8. Don't tell me kids did not have more responsibilities back in the day because your all wrong. Indian children were taught skills at very early ages. Heck my neighbor down the street starts bow hunting skills when his kids reach 3. If you don't teach children when their young they don't magically learn it. You guys can be as smart mouth as you want and baby your kids all you want you can't deny kids had more responsibility back in the day. When my great grandfather was just 7 he helped dig the grave for his mother who died one winter. Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. None of us burned our house down or acted the fool either.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that anyone thinks their kids will "magically learn" life skills. :glare:

 

I had no responsibilities as a child and somehow I managed to learn them (without any magical sleight of hand, I might add) when I got older.

 

Ok, so you didn't have an easy childhood. That's unfortunate. But I'm not sure why that means that your own children shouldn't have an easier time of it if you're able to provide it for them.

 

Quite frankly, I don't know if you intend it that way, but you are coming across very harsh.

[marbel]

My father was hunting at the age of 5 and on. He said he had no memory of ever not helping out he family farm in Tenn. My aunts all grew up learning how to run a household. My aunt alone was in charge of the  babies when my grandmother was in the hospital she was 8. Don't tell me kids did not have more responsibilities back in the day because your all wrong. Indian children were taught skills at very early ages. Heck my neighbor down the street starts bow hunting skills when his kids reach 3. If you don't teach children when their young they don't magically learn it. You guys can be as smart mouth as you want and baby your kids all you want you can't deny kids had more responsibility back in the day. When my great grandfather was just 7 he helped dig the grave for his mother who died one winter. Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. None of us burned our house down or acted the fool either.

 

And today in some places the child would be taken away from the parents if expected to walk 3 miles home to an empty house.   It's just not "back in the day" anymore.  But I bet kids still lost stuff because kids do. 

 

Starting bow hunting skills at 3 is not the same as giving the child a bow and arrows and sending him off hunting alone at 3.  Helping on the family farm is not running the farm. 

[Catwoman]

And just because things were done a certain way "back in the day" doesn't mean it's the better way.

:iagree:

[Scarlett]

.

[Hikin' Mama]

May I offer some encouragement as a mom of a forgetful child who is now an adult? When he was six and when he was sixteen and when he was nineteen I had doubts that this son of mine would ever be able to support more than himself. He was living on his own at 19, but he was absentminded and I just didn't understand how he could let some details slip away, never to worry about them again. As I said though, he was able to support himself and live and his own. Now he is married and has a baby and he supports both of them. He is the youngest one where he works, but he recently got a raise that no one else got. He pays great attention to the important things, like making sure he is at work at time, paying the bills, working at a second job on Saturdays to make some extra, and living within his means so that he doesn't have to take on debt. It is pure joy to see this man child of mine with his baby girl and his wife. I never could have imagined it. As he was growing and maturing, I kept working on his training, realizing that his brain works differently than mine or that of his (younger) siblings who seemed to be more organized.

 

He still is more forgetful than I am, but I have a hard time relaxing because I always have a multitide of things swirling around my brain. I rarely forget, but I have a hard time shutting down my brain.

[LucyStoner]

I'm 33 and still looking for my watch. I don't often lose things and irresponsible is not a word that comes up often to describe me but, wait for it...

 

Stuff happens. People make mistakes. Things get lost sometimes.

 

Breathe.

 

The list of things my older son has lost is long and adds up. But he's plenty responsible, as human children go.

[Element]

My son was like this at 6, so most of his clothes came from Goodwill. If you lose the nice Gymboree jacket that fits (from Goodwill) you may not be able to get another nice Gymboree jacket that fits (from Goodwill.) You'll get what you get. IMHO, It's not something to be upset about. I think they usually start to take better care of things/ lose fewer things as they get older.

[sassenach]

I just want to add that it's SO EASY to think of your oldest as bigger than they are.  My baby is now 9 and is the spitting image of my oldest, who is 16.  When the oldest was 9, the other kids were 6, 4, and 2.  Nine seemed HUGE.  I put so many expectations on her that I now realize were way out of line.  The thing is, there was no way for me to know that.  My perspective was skewed because of all of the little people.  I'm an oldest, too, so sometimes I mourn that I did that to the oldest, but other times I realize the value in it.  That's why there's so much emphasis on birth order- it really does make a difference.  I see strengths that the oldest has that the youngest doesn't.  There are some character flaws in the youngest that are probably a direct result of being the youngest.  

 

All that to say, it's an easy mistake to make.  It helps to have people around you with older kids who can remind you that your kids are TINY.  They are SO LITTLE!!  Enjoy them.  Yes, teach and guide and correct, but there's a lot of time to get where you're going.  

 

 

((((HUGS))))

[ktgrok]

Don't beat yourself up over this one--I waited tables in a Mexican restaurant once for about six months, and half of diners do the same thing.  Someone told me this when I started working there, and I did not believe it, but it was pretty darned close to true.

 

I can count on one hand the number of times I DID remember to bring the box home. 99% of the time I leave it on the table. And the times I do remember it? I end up leaving it in the car overnight to spoil. 

[DarlaS]

I have an almost 12-year-old boy.

I still remind him - Do you have everything? Do you have your coat? Do you have your school work packed? (For outside classes) Book club is tomorrow - are you almost done with the book?

Training kids to be responsible is a long, long process.

Some kids(girls?) pick it up easier than others (dreamy boys). Honestly, my DH leaves his work computer at home about half the time and has to come back home to get it.

My 13 yo dd is very much like this. So it's not necessarily easier with girls. :-/

[clarkacademy]

I'm not sure where you got the idea that anyone thinks their kids will "magically learn" life skills. :glare:

 

I had no responsibilities as a child and somehow I managed to learn them (without any magical sleight of hand, I might add) when I got older.

 

Ok, so you didn't have an easy childhood. That's unfortunate. But I'm not sure why that means that your own children shouldn't have an easier time of it if you're able to provide it for them.

 

Quite frankly, I don't know if you intend it that way, but you are coming across very harsh.

I never said that I said I didn't have a babysitter My parents worked

[alisoncooks]

And the best news of all, the coat was found!  He had tossed it between our two air conditioning units outside, and he happened to find it while he was playing out there.  

 

Haha, figures!  My 7 yr old "loses" stuff like this all the time.

BTW, we love Marbles, have fun!  (My kids like the "pig room" -- the money/ball pit room.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wow, I thought I made it clear in the above 4 posts upthread that I agreed that the punishment was too harsh and in the original post that I came on here get a feel if the punishment was too harsh.  Apparently either some people are not reading my subsequent posts or ignoring them because you wanted to continue to berate me.  That's awesome, keep doing that  :glare: .  The reason I brought up buying the new coat was that someone suggested that I go buy another coat for $1 at a thrift store, I believe I mentioned in the original post that this was the find of the year, a thrift store coat that is appropriate for professional pics, another $1.50 coat just isn't going to cut it.  The coat had to be bought this afternoon because the pics are this afternoon, it wasn't an option to just let the coat go, I didn't have anything for him to wear.  Again, either not reading or ignoring, cool.  

 

Anyway, for those of you who answered my original question kindly and gave good advice/perspective from having old kids, thank you.  I came here because I was trying to find out if I was being too hard on him since this is unexplored territory for me.  I appreciate those suggestions you gave, and it is good to know that he is not outside the norm but it is my younger child who is more unusual, in a good way :).  And the best news of all, the coat was found!  He had tossed it between our two air conditioning units outside, and he happened to find it while he was playing out there.  So off to get ready for pictures.

Since you singled me out as someone continuing to berate you, the only reason I brought up the coat is because having a certain outfit for the photo shoot seemed to heighten your frustration at temporarily losing the coat.  All I was doing was pointing that out.  If something is important to me as a parent, I need to do my due diligence to make sure it comes about.  Anyway, I'm glad that you found the coat.  I hope you are able to work on establishing good routines for helping to establish the habits you find important.  

[fraidycat]

I have an 11 year old DD who is not a naturally organized person. She takes after her 41 year old father.

 

I have a 7 year old DS who is more of a naturally organized person. He takes after his 37 year old mother.

 

But, NONE of us are perfect and all have forgotten something behind at one time or another or have set something down and "lost" it for a period of time. It's life. We're not perfect. And the natural consequence for losing something is that you no longer have it. Especially an "accessory" such as a cool Lego watch.

 

And at 6, the jacket is still YOUR responsibility as a parent. Sorry. You get to keep that one for at least another 10 years. I might make a 16 year old pay to replace it, but until then, it's all training, training, re-training, and training some more. If your budget is really tight, the loss of the birthday trip might really and truly be a natural consequence of having to replace the jacket, If it means a choice between groceries for the week and the birthday celebration, but I wouldn't use it as a "punishment", in the heat of irritation/anger.

[AK_Mom4]

If it makes you feel better, youngest DD found her watch this weekend and was so excited.  She lost it right after she got it for Christmas

 

. . . three years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

I have the official title here of "Finder of Lost Objects".  My family loses things and I find them..... for a price.  I rarely have to fetch my own coffee or take out the trash anymore!

[NorthwestMom]

Okay. One more post on this thread then I am done.

Two years ago, my son "lost" his coat. We searched high and low for it for weeks, back-tracked our stops, etc. I just knew DS left it behind at science class, but it never showed up in their lost and found. I later "found" it - at the local second hand store. (With his name nicely written on back side of tag) Seems it had gotten tossed into car trunk next to bags of stuff I was donating. When the donation center worker asked, "everything back here?" as he was unloading the bags, i said yes without thinking about the coat being back there. So I lost the coat, not DS.

 

My 11yo DD was a frequent "loser" of coats.  I refused to buy her brand new coats and we bought all of hers at thrift shops or got hand-me-downs since they vanished so frequently despite my best efforts to help her keep track of them.  I even had the pleasure of buying back her own coat, with her name written inside it, from a thrift shop where it was donated after someone found it somewhere.  I still laugh about that. It was worth the $6 to get it back!  It was a hand-me-down Lands End.  :laugh:

[zoobie]

My father was hunting at the age of 5 and on. He said he had no memory of ever not helping out he family farm in Tenn. My aunts all grew up learning how to run a household. My aunt alone was in charge of the babies when my grandmother was in the hospital she was 8. Don't tell me kids did not have more responsibilities back in the day because your all wrong. Indian children were taught skills at very early ages. Heck my neighbor down the street starts bow hunting skills when his kids reach 3. If you don't teach children when their young they don't magically learn it. You guys can be as smart mouth as you want and baby your kids all you want you can't deny kids had more responsibility back in the day. When my great grandfather was just 7 he helped dig the grave for his mother who died one winter. Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. None of us burned our house down or acted the fool either.

Children in India?

[Element]

My 11yo DD was a frequent "loser" of coats.  I refused to buy her brand new coats and we bought all of hers at thrift shops or got hand-me-downs since they vanished so frequently despite my best efforts to help her keep track of them.  I even had the pleasure of buying back her own coat, with her name written inside it, from a thrift shop where it was donated after someone found it somewhere.  I still laugh about that. It was worth the $6 to get it back!  It was a hand-me-down Lands End.  :laugh:

 

That is AWESOME. :D

[Lady Florida.]

OP, I'm glad the coat was found, but am equally glad you realized that was a big expectation to have of a six year old. With time and patience, he'll get there. It might not seem like it now, but he will.
 
 

Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

 
Back in what day? Because I turned 58 two weeks ago, and back in my day, six year olds weren't hunting (though some were accompanying adult hunters) or running households or farms. I did babysit my brother when I was 9 and he was 4, but we also had every neighbor keeping an eye out for us to make sure nothing bad happened. 

 

Also, "back in the day", kids died. Kids died because they were expected or allowed to do things that were not age appropriate. To think that things were always better in a time gone by is like people my age saying, "We didn't have car seats and we're still alive." No, not all of us are. Some died who would have lived if car seats existed "back in the day".

 

There is a big difference between teaching kids responsible and expecting them to already be responsible at age six, or punishing them for, well, for being six. I'm pretty sure none of us expected our kids to magically learn responsibility. 

 

 
 

Children in India?

 
I wondered the same thing.