Height of irritation with irresponsible son, WWYD?

[Catwoman]

I never said that I said I didn't have a babysitter My parents worked

 

Actually, you seem to have said exactly that:

 

Back in the 80's I was expected to walk the three miles home and take care of myself until my working mother and father came home. I was 7 I wore a key on a string around my neck. None of us 4 had babysitters past the age of 6-7. 

 

So which of your two stories is true? It appears to me that you have completely contradicted yourself.

[Jean in Newcastle]

PS - I really really hope that you have apologized to your 6 year old for overreacting and telling him that he wouldn't get his birthday trip.  

[bolt.]

Even "back in the day" parents who left kids to fend for themselves after school figured out that 6 & 7 year olds would tend to loose a key unless it was tied to their body.

 

Helping adults and learning skills is not "running things" -- it's a different skill. The ability to work hard is not the same as the ability to be responsible.

[unfrumpable.]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

 

I let my son start running my household at age six. He had already learned all there was to learn in life by then, so why not? It sucks about the child labor laws though. Otherwise he could be working a full time job, just like back in the old days. Or we could move to another country where that is more acceptable.

[nmoira]

I let my son start running my household at age six. He had already learned all there was to learn in life by then, so why not? It sucks about the child labor laws though. Otherwise he could be working a full time job, just like back in the old days. Or we could move to another country where that is more acceptable.

I'm under no illusions: The cats run our house.

[*Lulu*]

I'm under no illusions: The cats run our house.

One of our dogs tried to stage a coup here.

 

I am convinced that her ultimate goal is world domination.

 

I think all that stands in her way is opposable thumbs.

[Leav97]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[happi duck]

If it makes you feel better, youngest DD found her watch this weekend and was so excited.  She lost it right after she got it for Christmas

 

. . . three years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

I have the official title here of "Finder of Lost Objects".  My family loses things and I find them..... for a price.  I rarely have to fetch my own coffee or take out the trash anymore!

 

I used to be our 'finder of lost objects' but this past week I was surpassed by dd19...the student has become the master  :D

[GSOchristie]

These are my other two :).

 

[happi duck]

One of our dogs tried to stage a coup here.

 

I am convinced that her ultimate goal is world domination.

 

I think all that stands in her way is opposable thumbs.

 

Our cat uses her dew claw like a thumb...very frightening and why my money is on the cats for world domination.

[*Lulu*]

OP- You've gotten a bit of a dog pile here. Let me ease your pain by sharing a few of my less stellar, heat of the moment, parenting moves:

 

Leaving a 5 yos matchbox car on the side of the road because he kept running it on the tinted windows in my vehicle.

 

Exiling several toys to grandparents' homes because I was tired of how the kids played with them in our house.

 

Overreacting on too many occasions to count to non-age appropriate behavior from our son with aspergers before we knew what was going on with him.

 

Heck, this summer I cancelled an outing citing the *ahem* supremely reasonable parental decision that I couldn't take 5 more minutes of their bullcrap and fighting. Then I sent everyone to thier rooms while I ate chocolate and watched Dr. Who without them.

 

 

I will not be waiting by the phone for the call from the "parent if the year" award committee.

[nmoira]

I'm a fairly responsible person and I'm in charge of remembering details for three other people besides myself. YET when it comes to watches I flunk. I buy super cheap watches for myself. I won't spend more than $10. Usually I have to buy myself a new one every year. I have this weird habit of taking it off my wrist absentmindedly and playing around with it and just leaving it wherever.

There was a stretch of about six months that, more often than not, I'd leave my debit card behind in a restaurant. Never did before, never did after.

[GSOchristie]

I told him I overreacted, that I loved him more than a coat, but that he has got to start putting his things back where they belong so we don't have to have a freak out session when we need an item he has put who knows where.  I told him that we were going to put things back where they belong the moment we notice they are not where they belong, no longer leaving seven pairs of shoes, a hoodie, a jacket, and four water bottles in the car before we clean it out.  That is another issue, he has a LOT of things, we're talking three hoodies, two fleeces, the barn jacket, another jacket and a winter coat.  He has eight pairs of shoes.  He has 17 pairs of pants for this winter and 21 long sleeved tees.  He doesn't ever miss anything because he has so many other things to just take their place.  I told him we are going to start limiting it to one pair of pants, one shirt, one pair of socks and shoes, and one jacket per day.  If he realizes he doesn't have his socks, he is not allowed to go get another pair, he has to find the ones he started with.  Hopefully creating a need will help him to be more conscious of what he's doing with his stuff.  

[GSOchristie]

Oh, and a puffer vest.  I forgot that.  So nine pieces of outerwear.

[Lady Florida.]

  I buy super cheap watches for myself.  I won't spend more than $10.  

 

I have to buy cheap sunglasses (thought still with proper protection). If I buy good (read: expensive) ones, I lose them. I can't lose the cheap ones. The few times I thought I lost a cheap pair, someone figured out they were mine and returned them. Never happened with the good ones.

[nmoira]

Oh, and a puffer vest. I forgot that. So nine pieces of outerwear.

Wow. Why does he have so many clothes?

[happi duck]

...Leaving a 5 yos matchbox car on the side of the road ...

 

I picture it 'parked' on the side of the road forlornly...day after day...eventually getting the bright orange sticker on the window then sadly towed away...sniff..so sad...

[happi duck]

Geesh me too.  I feel like I have a story for everything, but a few weeks ago (before the time change) I forgot my sunglasses and I was out driving. The sun was killing my eyes.  So I bought a pair on clearance at Walmart.  I think they were $5.  I figured eh...another pair (to lose).  Well after tearing off all the stickers they had on them there was a name printed on the side pieces (that I did not see because it was covered with stickers).  Guess what the name was?!  Paula Deen!!  Ewwww.  I would have never bought them.  How corny!

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

You have Paula Deen shades?!?!  I am green with envy... :D

[unsinkable]

Why am I hearing ZZ Top???

 

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

[GSOchristie]

Wow. Why does he have so many clothes?

 

That is not even his whole wardrobe, I may or may not have a problem with buying children's clothes, I'm probably not going to admit that out loud  :leaving: .  Which is why you would think I could have just grabbed something else for these pictures, only I didn't have anything to coordinate all three of them.  I had lots of black, red, grey for the boys, and lots of brown, orange, green for Piper, she did not have one acceptable black outfit or I would have just rolled with that.  I only had one outfit in common with all three so I needed this jacket.  Well, I needed it to be up to my picture standards.  Like I said, we are replacing 4 20x30 canvases in our living room so I needed them to be really, really cute clothes.

[Catwoman]

Geesh me too. I feel like I have a story for everything, but a few weeks ago (before the time change) I forgot my sunglasses and I was out driving. The sun was killing my eyes. So I bought a pair on clearance at Walmart. I think they were $5. I figured eh...another pair (to lose). Well after tearing off all the stickers they had on them there was a name printed on the side pieces (that I did not see because it was covered with stickers). Guess what the name was?! Paula Deen!! Ewwww. I would have never bought them. How corny!

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I think "sunglasses," the first thing that comes into my mind is "Paula Deen."

 

Well, no. No it isn't.

 

I had no idea she had her name on anything other than cooking stuff! :eek:

[Catwoman]

Yeah I figure I'll just wear them in the car, but now that I think of it this might be a bad idea. If something terrible happened and I ended up dead in a wreck I'd be caught dead with them and I don't want to be even caught dead with them.

 

Maybe I can scratch the name off or something.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[AK_Mom4]

Yeah I figure I'll just wear them in the car, but now that I think of it this might be a bad idea.  If something terrible happened and I ended up dead in a wreck I'd be caught dead with them and I don't want to be even caught dead with them.

 

Maybe I can scratch the name off or something.

 

Duct Tape will cover that name up nicely!

 

Of course, if you put duct tape on them you will NEVER lose them because they will be ugly.....

[Catwoman]

Duct Tape will cover that name up nicely!

 

Of course, if you put duct tape on them you will NEVER lose them because they will be ugly.....

But at least they won't say PAULA DEEN on them, and that might very well be worth a little touch of ugly. ;)

 

And if she wants to get fashionable about it, she can buy some of that duct tape with the fancy designs.

[freesia]

Wow. Why does he have so many clothes?

Wow! Why does he need so many pairs of shoes, pants, shirts, etc. It would drive me crazy to keep up with all of them. I'm sure they'd be all over the place! He might have an easier time if you cut all that in half (or more!) Good idea to limit him to one pair of clothes a day. Otherwise, I'm sure you spend a ton of time helping him either put away the first set, or put them in the laundry, etc.

[Catwoman]

Well see this might be part of it too. If he has a zillion things then "things" aren't all that special. KWIM? It's just one thing among the many things.

Totally unrelated to this thread, but did you notice that you're getting close to 40,000 posts?

 

That is so cool. :hurray:

[GSOchristie]

Well see this might be part of it too.  If he has a zillion things then "things" aren't all that special.  KWIM?  It's just one thing among the many things.

 

I agree, that's why I told him he's going to be limited to one outfit and one pair of pj's unless he gets wet or dirty.  I have seen him in one day wear three different outfits and three pairs of pj's because he gets hot and tosses them wherever he is.  I have also sent him out to collect four pairs of shoes from one afternoon of playing outside.  I'm sure he didn't lose the coat because he was being ugly, it probably never crosses his mind that throwing it between the air units wasn't a good idea.  I just can't figure out why he even had it out, it hasn't been cold enough for a jacket, he thinks they had it out because they were using it as a costume.  So I guess I will be checking the hooks for coats at the end of the day and making him find them wherever they might be.  That's another thing that drives me crazy, "Asher, where are your shoes?"  Asher, "I don't know."  Me, "Well, go look until you find them".  Asher:  falling in the floor crying about how that is too hard and that he's not a detective, etc, etc.

[Joker]

There was a stretch of about six months that, more often than not, I'd leave my debit card behind in a restaurant. Never did before, never did after.

 

Dh has recently been pocketing both receipts. We've had more than one waiter/waitress chase us down. Now when he pays we make sure he doesn't do it (and the girls make jokes about his age :tongue_smilie:).

[zoobie]

Geesh me too. I feel like I have a story for everything, but a few weeks ago (before the time change) I forgot my sunglasses and I was out driving. The sun was killing my eyes. So I bought a pair on clearance at Walmart. I think they were $5. I figured eh...another pair (to lose). Well after tearing off all the stickers they had on them there was a name printed on the side pieces (that I did not see because it was covered with stickers). Guess what the name was?! Paula Deen!! Ewwww. I would have never bought them. How corny!

Are they butter scented?

[TechWife]

That's another thing that drives me crazy, "Asher, where are your shoes?" Asher, "I don't know." Me, "Well, go look until you find them". Asher: falling in the floor crying about how that is too hard and that he's not a detective, etc, etc.

That is too hard, especially among all of that stuff. No wonder he's crying.

[nmoira]

Are they butter scented?

Ewwwwwwww!

[Critterfixer]

Hopefully creating a need will help him to be more conscious of what he's doing with his stuff

Don't count on it.

I always used to think that if I spent my hard earned money on something I would take care of it. Not so much. Turns out that money just isn't all that great shakes to me, so the stuff I buy doesn't really have that much value to me. And I remember my mother swearing that "When you have to spend money on it, you'll CARE!"

 

What it came down to for me (and I use the same teaching methods with my two boys now, who are more than a bit like their poor, old, disorganized mum!) was creating a system in which I know where things are, where to put them up and when I'm going to do that. If I don't have that external structure, I lose all sorts of things, including what DOES matter to me. Turns out that time is my most precious thing, and I will accept structure in order to save my time. But I had to create that structure.

And I have to teach it, too.

[Wheres Toto]

Wow, this thread was longer than I expected and took some interesting turns. 

 

So, the random thoughts that occurred to me:

 

I grew up in the 80's.  Even then anyone more than a mile from the school could take the bus.

I was a latchkey kid and the neighbors DEFINITELY watched out for all the kids.

 

I don't get the idea that you teach them at six or they have to figure it out themselves as teenagers.  What about all those years in between?  Can't I decide to teach them as teenagers?

 

I pat down my kids before we leave the house sometimes.  Not only to make sure they aren't taking anything that I don't want to see lost, but also because ds has a habit of taking noisy things to quiet places, like church.

 

When they do bring things, I make sure that if they are put down they are given to me right away. 

 

Even when she was 18 and in her last year of competitive dance, I would be in the dressing room helping my oldest pack up her costumes and supplies at the end of a competition.  Not because she was bad at doing it herself, just because of the serious consequences of missing items (some could not be replaced and she had to have the same costume as the rest of her group).  I would always ask to make sure she had all her shoes before we left the house.  Once I forgot until we were about 30 minutes down the road and wouldn't you know it, she didn't have her tap shoes.  Not that she wasn't generally responsible but she had danced until 10pm the night before and had to be up at 6am to get ready for another day.  She was taking a nap in the car.

 

When she had regular clothes as part of a costume- a pair of jeans, a pretty top - she was NOT allowed to EVER remove them from the costume bag to wear for any reason whatsoever until that competition season was over.

 

I've left my wallet in shopping carriages more than once.

 

I've always been the finder in my house.  I found the (very expensive, her dad bought it for her because I refused to) Tiffany necklace she had lost.  It had fallen off her neck and was in the little crack between the door jam and our deck, sitting on a pile of leaves.  I just happened to look down and see it.

[*Lulu*]

I picture it 'parked' on the side of the road forlornly...day after day...eventually getting the bright orange sticker on the window then sadly towed away...sniff..so sad...

I actually pulled into a neighborhood to ditch it in hopes some kid might find it.

[Catwoman]

Are they butter scented?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

As I understand it, the butter-scented ones sold out at full price.

 

These were probably the somewhat less popular "liver and onions" scent.

[nmoira]

That is too hard, especially among all of that stuff. No wonder he's crying.

I think he might have more clothes in their car than mine have clothes, period.

[nmoira]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

As I understand it, the butter-scented ones sold out at full price.

 

These were probably the somewhat less popular "liver and onions" scent.

I'm holding out for double-fried chicken.

[Catwoman]

I'm holding out for double-fried chicken.

As well you should.

 

But don't count on getting them on clearance, because everyone else wants them too.

 

I wonder if she has a line of macaroni and cheese scented candles...

 

Sorry. I'm not trying to shill for Paula here. ;)

[GSOchristie]

I'm not sure what you mean, all of their clothes and shoes are on a shelving system in the laundry room, there are no other clothing locations, not in their rooms, even.  So it should be really apparent where he left it, it will be the only item of clothing in that room.  He is unwilling to go through the house looking for the discarded item.  The other two never touch their clothes, they keep the clothes I give them in the morning or Piper sometimes chooses naked.  Asher is the only one who goes to the clothing room to get more clothes, which I can see how he looks at it like an endless supply.  That's why I told him today that it's now off limits, he has to go find the clothes he started with, or he can trade me the clothes he started with if he feels he needs a wardrobe change.  

[nmoira]

As well you should.

 

But don't count on getting them on clearance, because everyone else wants them too.

 

I wonder if she has a line of macaroni and cheese scented candles...

 

Sorry. I'm not trying to shill for Paula here. ;)

I can't play any more... it's the mental picture of the greasy candle. *shudder* Though I think a kerosene-style lantern would be better suited.

 

You win. :)

[GSOchristie]

Don't count on it.

I always used to think that if I spent my hard earned money on something I would take care of it. Not so much. Turns out that money just isn't all that great shakes to me, so the stuff I buy doesn't really have that much value to me. And I remember my mother swearing that "When you have to spend money on it, you'll CARE!"

 

What it came down to for me (and I use the same teaching methods with my two boys now, who are more than a bit like their poor, old, disorganized mum!) was creating a system in which I know where things are, where to put them up and when I'm going to do that. If I don't have that external structure, I lose all sorts of things, including what DOES matter to me. Turns out that time is my most precious thing, and I will accept structure in order to save my time. But I had to create that structure.

And I have to teach it, too.

 

Well, his need is he's going to have a naked behind and be barefoot if he doesn't keep up with the shoes and pants I give him at the beginning of the day.  If he's cool with that, I guess I am, too, but it's about to get pretty chilly to be running around outside with no shoes.  

[Catwoman]

I can't play any more... it's the mental picture of the greasy candle. *shudder* Though I think a kerosene-style lantern would be better suited.

 

You win. :)

I will graciously share my victory with you! Cupcakes for all!!!

 

:party: :party: :party:

[nmoira]

Well, his need is he's going to have a naked behind and be barefoot if he doesn't keep up with the shoes and pants I give him at the beginning of the day. If he's cool with that, I guess I am, too, but it's about to get pretty chilly to be running around outside with no shoes.

Mine are still refusing to give up their flip flops and sandals, summer here was that nice this year.

[nmoira]

I will graciously share my victory with you! Cupcakes for all!!!

 

:party: :party: :party:

*tentatively inquires*

 

Fried cupcakes?

[Catwoman]

*tentatively inquires*

 

Fried cupcakes?

If you want those, you're gonna have to go to Paula Deen's house.

[nmoira]

If you want those, you're gonna have to go to Paula Deen's house.

Phew! I'm in for cupcakes then...

[GSOchristie]

Mine are still refusing to give up their flip flops and sandals, summer here was that nice this year.

 

We actually only make him wear real shoes from December to the end of February, but he currently has no flip flops that fit, so he is having to make do with Keens and Sanuks.

[ktgrok]

I'm totally the absent minded professor (and my poor teen has inherited it from me). I'm known amongst my childhood/highschool friends for showing up without shoes. Someone even posted a picture from the highschool yearbook, of our drama club, and I realized I'm only wearing one shoe in it, and trying to hide my other foot behind me. sigh..

 

As an adult I have lost purses, jewelry, and more sunglasses than I want to admit. The most ridiculous bit of silliness though is that several times I have paid for my gas and then driven off without getting gas. Not once, not twice, but several times. I felt really bad, until a friend and mom of 5 admitted she once drove off with the gas pump still in the gas tank..so that was worse I figured :)

[Word Nerd]

Actually, you seem to have said exactly that:

 

 

So which of your two stories is true? It appears to me that you have completely contradicted yourself.

"I never said that I said I didn't have a babysitter My parents worked"

 

I think you misread the post because a period is missing after "that."

 

"I never said that" refers to the bolded part she quoted (that she had a hard childhood). She wasn't claiming never to have said she didn't have a babysitter.

[Catwoman]

"I never said that I said I didn't have a babysitter My parents worked"

 

I think you misread the post because a period is missing after "that."

 

"I never said that" refers to the bolded part she quoted (that she had a hard childhood). She wasn't claiming never to have said she didn't have a babysitter.

It makes a lot more sense now that you've deciphered it. Thanks!

 

Punctuation, clarkacademy! Punctuation!!! :D