Height of irritation with irresponsible son, WWYD?

[GSOchristie]

I think I have posted this before, my eldest son is really irresponsible with his things. He has lost multiple shoes, shirts, etc.  Recently, his grandmother bought him a $25 Lego watch for his birthday.  We all tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted that he was ready and would keep it on at all times if he wore it outside the house.  You know how this story ends.  He took it off at church and left it in the gym.  Our church meets at the Y, so of course it wasn't there when we realized it was gone two days later.  Today I am gathering clothes for their fall photo shoot and I realize that his Gymboree barn jacket is missing.  We searched the house, the car, sent emails to all our CC friends (the last place I know he had it), called the Natural Science center, nothing, it's gone.  I only paid $1.50 for it at a thrift store, but it was in like new condition, it was the deal of the year.  So now, to replace it, I'm going to have to pay $25.  His dad is making him replace the watch using his allowance money, but he is never seeing this money, he is just not getting an allowance until it is paid off.  I told him that he wasn't going to be able to go to Marbles (Raleigh's children's museum) for his birthday on Friday because it costs $25 to go, the exact amount the jacket is going to cost.  Is this too harsh?  I really want to make an impact on him because he can't keep losing stuff!  I can't be responsible for his jacket, watch, etc, I already have too much to think about because I have two other people who are smaller (and actually more responsible) than him.  So do I play the mean mom card and make him have a consequence he will never forgot, or does this cross the line into Cruella DeVille territory?

[Jean in Newcastle]

He's six!  Remind the poor child to gather up his belongings before you leave anywhere.  I absolutely would not take away a birthday field trip.  (Honestly I thought I was going to be reading about an absent minded tween or teen when I opened this thread.)

[lexi]

I think it is a little much at that age.

It's important to work to teach responsibility but at 6 he won't have much. It's a long process.

[GSOchristie]

Sigh, I figured it was too much, I am just so frustrated with him.  Now I have to go pay whatever Gymboree or Gap is charging because the pics are today.  

[Punks in Ontario]

Six year olds are still learning to be responsible for things.  I'd let the watch be a lesson in learning.  At 6, he can just do without.  I would focus more on teaching him to account for his things, take only what he needs and ask him if he has everything he came with as you leave places rather than use punitive action.  It's very easy for even a adult to forget a jacket when the weather is warm.

 

Now, my teens know that if they lose something, they replace it or do without.

[bettyandbob]

By the title I thought you were going to be talking about a teen.

 

This child is 6. Recognize he is absent minded and that may be part of his personality. Start helping him gather his stuff when he leaves places. Take a little longer and teach him a routine checklist to go through before he leaves each place. Yes, this will add time. Yes, with other little ones you probably wanted him to take over. Some boys cannot take over until they are years older and have been specific taught routines to follow. Organization is not a natural skill for some people.

[GoVanGogh]

I have an almost 12-year-old boy.
I still remind him - Do you have everything? Do you have your coat? Do you have your school work packed? (For outside classes) Book club is tomorrow - are you almost done with the book?

Training kids to be responsible is a long, long process.

Some kids(girls?) pick it up easier than others (dreamy boys). Honestly, my DH leaves his work computer at home about half the time and has to come back home to get it.

[linders]

As I read your post and sensed your level of irritation, I got the impression we were talking a pre-teen/teenage boy. Then I saw your siggie. When my two were 6, I was in the early stages of trying to instill responsibility, but I would be right there to make sure it happened. As we left a place, I would ask, "Do you have your jacket/watch/backpack/book?" And each and every item had a name inside, to help recover missing things. Now that they are 13 and 10, they are generally pretty good, but we still have moments of, "Shoot! I left item X at place Z!" Only recently have I started expecting the 10 year old to pay for replacements if he was truly careless.

 

So....I guess you are being a bit hard on a 6-year-old.

[*Lulu*]

Sorry, the expectation that a 6yo will be responsible on that level is unreasonable.

 

Some kids don't manage to achieve that level of responsibility until post-adolescence. (I remember a trip at age 15 where I set my purse down and left it in 3 different shops in one day!)

 

I would let him help pay 1/2 or 1/4 of the coat, chalk the watch up to a learning experience, forget about replacing it, and move on.

 

ETA- actually I would probably let the coat go to, but I can also see having him do something to help feel he is taking responsibility for his actions.

[Jan in SC]

I think you might be expecting way too much from your child. It is very easy to do that with an oldest child. I would relax and buy less expensive items.

[Joker]

I'm 36 and my teen dd always asks ME if I have everything! I always seem to leave something behind.

 

He is six! He's still learning, so help him instead of punish him right now.

[mamakelly]

I agree with the others. I thought we were talking about a teenager. He's 6. Buy him less expensive things and/or he can do without them. He still needs to be taught responsibility.

[GSOchristie]

His new punishment is that he's going to have to go try on coats this afternoon, another activity that he hates.  I guess my expectations are too high because my four year old never loses anything, if he comes with a coat, hat, gloves, he leaves with coat, hat, and gloves.  When he leaves Awana, he always checks his backpack for his book and vest, without my prompting, and asks his teacher if it's not in there.  Apparently that is not the norm, but it's my only basis for comparison.  

 

[ZooRho]

He's six!  Remind the poor child to gather up his belongings before you leave anywhere.  I absolutely would not take away a birthday field trip.  (Honestly I thought I was going to be reading about an absent minded tween or teen when I opened this thread.)

me too.

 

6 have too many other things on their minds that they can't help.  so yes  you must help him keep up with stuff,  I would make rules about wearing the expensive things.  

 

Does HE want to replace the watch?  I wouldn't force him to replace it.   It isn't a need for him.

 

I'm like some of the others, I'm horrible about misplacing things thankfully it is mostly in my house.

[redsquirrel]

I thought you were talking about a 15 year old, not a 6 year old.

 

He's not unusual. The 6 year olds who don't lose a pair of shoes or a watch are the unusual ones, lol. At 6 I would still consider it my job, as a parent, to be the one who is really keeping track of jackets and mittens and shoes. If he leaves the house with a jacket then it is also the adults responsibility to make sure he comes home with it. How come when he came home you or someone else didn't notice he didn't have his jacket or the watch? If it is that important then he needs help keeping track. Before you leave a place you, as the parent, needs to take a moment to double check that everyone is leaving with what they have. I have found that is the best way to teach responsibility for things. If it becomes a family habit, one the adults model every time, then the kids learn it as second nature.

 

 

[ZooRho]

His new punishment is that he's going to have to go try on coats this afternoon, another activity that he hates.  I guess my expectations are too high because my four year old never loses anything, if he comes with a coat, hat, gloves, he leaves with coat, hat, and gloves.  When he leaves Awana, he always checks his backpack for his book and vest, without my prompting, and asks his teacher if it's not in there.  Apparently that is not the norm, but it's my only basis for comparison.  

nope not the norm.  Every child is different. 

[Tiramisu]

I have four girls. I haven't done anything differently for any of them. I have one who is twice the age of the OP's ds. She has already lost two jackets this year. Thankfully, we live off hand-me-downs, but still. She gets reminders constantly but it seems to do little good. She is generally very disorganized and leaves behind a huge mess wherever she goes. Whereas, her sister closest in age is a born organizer. At age 6, I don't think they were that different. The disparity grew over the years. So, I agree with the pp who said 6 is still young. He could turn out fine. Or he could be forgetful forever. In any case, I don't think you should do anything special, just stay on top of it.

 

At the same time, don't make the punishments too harsh. You might want to actually think of ways to positively reinforce. Generally, I think positive reinforcement works better for kids who are born with little quirks and challenges. They may have a genuine difficulty that they struggle with and may continually struggle with throughout their lifetimes. It's important to realize that it's hard for them and find ways to help them develop effective strategies and not demoralize them through criticism. I think my disorganized one has a lot of resentment toward us for always being on her case and I wish I had found a better way to handle it earlier on.

[Starr]

I don't have many things that I feel I did well but somehow I *bag trained* my dc. I always had a tote bag along with whatever we needed and empty space for them to put their things. They almost always put their belongings, such as taking off a watch, in the bag. I think it got started because they threw things at me with the, "here mom" as they ran off with friends.  Eventually they had their own back pack or bag they took with them. Ask about belongings before you get in the car. He's young, he's absent minded and he really doesn't care if he's wearing the coolest looking jacket in town. ;) His presents are his presents. I wouldn't have him pay for them, they would just be gone. And no Grandma doesn't get to replace it until the next holiday. If I were to do it all over with my absent minded one I would be organized with everything having a place and not rushing from one place to the next so we could learn to think through things like "hmm what did I bring with me today?" Have a sense of humor. :D

 

About my dh, I know my mil tried when he was 6.  lol

[bettyandbob]

The younger child may always be more organized. Do not compare their behaviors. They are unique individuals. They have different strengths.

 

BTW, I have a 19 yo who still loses everything. However, since he is an adult he's been told I have purchased the last coat I will buy him among other things. I don't replace stuff for him. I don't help him anymore. He's an adult. As an upper elementary aged person, I worked a lot on these skills. Some people get them and some don't. The ones who don't have to live with consequences. But I wouldn't be putting such consequences on the child until he has entered his teen years and you have seriously step by step taught him a system to organize himself.

 

The last coat--said 19yo has managed to keep track of it for 2 years. So far, so good.

 

Whatever you do, do not compare the younger child to the older. So, damaging.

 

 

[kewb]

His new punishment is that he's going to have to go try on coats this afternoon, another activity that he hates.  I guess my expectations are too high because my four year old never loses anything, if he comes with a coat, hat, gloves, he leaves with coat, hat, and gloves.  When he leaves Awana, he always checks his backpack for his book and vest, without my prompting, and asks his teacher if it's not in there.  Apparently that is not the norm, but it's my only basis for comparison.  

 

My 15 year old was just like your 4 year old when he was 4.  Somewhere around age 10 a switch flipped and now he is the most absent minded person I know.

 

You are expecting too much from your 6 year old.  Every person is different and some take longer to learn the skills they need.

[Whereneverever]

I think it's unrealistic at six to be that responsible for his possessions. This seems really harsh, sorry.

[Critterfixer]

Agree with the previous posts that six is very young to be expecting him to keep up with things, but a good age to start teaching the behaviors that will help him later. It's good to start teaching the routine of checking things before leaving, putting things in their proper places at night, etc.

[zoobie]

I wouldn't expect a 6 year old to be able to manage his belongings. Your 4 year old sounds very unusual in that respect. Maybe you can make a laminated tag on his backpack to remind him to check for his belongings when he leaves. I still ask my 8 and 10 year old kids if they have everything, and often have to turn around because they don't. Heck, I have had to turn around because I didn't have my purse! The fact that you have two younger children doesn't make him automatically developmentally more mature than he should be. If you can't remember where he last wore his coat, I don't think you reasonably can expect him to remember. He's a tiny little kid still. Please let him go on his birthday outing! 

 

I wouldn't phrase the new coat shopping as "punishment" either. There's no need to set up a negative atmosphere and attitude. It's a logical consequence. Aren't there still coats at thrift stores? Why does he have to pay for a more expensive coat? I also wouldn't force him to replace his watch. Him not having it is the consequence. If he never sees his allowance, it's not real to him anyway. Very few 6 year olds truly understand the concept of money and sacrifice, especially when it's not even passing through his hands. It's an abstract punishment.

[Paige]

I think at this age, losing those things is equally the fault of whatever grown up was in charge of taking him. He didn't drive himself home from church. Did no adult notice he didn't have his coat when he left? Taking away his birthday trip would be cruel, IMO. I wouldn't make him pay for the watch- I may not pay for a new one, but I wouldn't make him either. I'd chalk that up to learning a lesson the hard way for your DS and the grandparent who bought against your advice. He's 6! That's so little. Really, really, really little. I feel bad for how much I expected out of my oldest when he was younger. I didn't realize how little he was until he became older.

[GSOchristie]

Thanks for the replies, though I admit, it makes me tired to think that this might be the case forever.  With the watch, I didn't even know he had it on, I didn't know it was gone until two days later he told me, "Um, I think I might have left my watch at church."  Maybe I can come up with a check list for him and just keep it on my phone, that way will both remember what he needs to collect.

 

[bolt.]

At 6, it would still be my responsibility to know what he was leaving the house with, and to check that it was coming back. I'm glad you have 'that kind if 4 year old' -- less for you to track! But you need to attend to children as they 'teach you' about their individual needs from you as a parent. It's not about what you can expect at certain ages (though that helps) if a child needs your help, you can tell by the way they are clearly not managing well without it.

 

However, I would do (have done) an allowance-based teaching method where kids that age pay (not the full cost) towards replacing list it negligently ruined items.

 

Also: DO let him feel some loss when the stakes aren't too high (no mittens = chilly hands). I sometimes would fo things like pick up left items and keep them on me, not mentioning it until they noticed. Sometimes I didn't return it until 'next month' or something.

[Guest submarines]

His new punishment is that he's going to have to go try on coats this afternoon, another activity that he hates.  I guess my expectations are too high because my four year old never loses anything, if he comes with a coat, hat, gloves, he leaves with coat, hat, and gloves.  When he leaves Awana, he always checks his backpack for his book and vest, without my prompting, and asks his teacher if it's not in there.  Apparently that is not the norm, but it's my only basis for comparison.  

Does your 6 year old get upset when he loses things? Maybe he just isn't materialistic. That's okay not to be attached to material possessions. Don't buy him expensive things, and if he loses his $1 jacket, get him another $1 jacket, and keep an eye on the things that are important *to you*.

 

If you admonish him or punish him he learns that material possessions are more important than relationships. 

[GSOchristie]

His dad is not bending on replacing the watch, I told him the punishment should be that he no longer has a watch, but he has decided that he has to buy a new one.  I agree about the allowance thing being too abstract, but again, this is the way dh is handling it.  

[wapiti]

I agree with the others that your expectations were unreasonable.  (My six kids attend school.  One of them is always leaving his jacket, so he's just cold at carline; sometimes it's in lost-and-found but often it's right there in his cubby.  He's 10.  He has various strengths and weaknesses; such is life.)

 

I would make a habit of verbalizing out loud, whenever your family is leaving a location, that you all need to make sure you are leaving with everything you brought.  Have them look around for their things and then you double-check.  This is training.

 

Take him to the church lost-and-found to look for the watch.  Making him buy a new watch, if he doesn't care to, is wasteful, IMO - it can be a lesson in financial  management.

[Trish]

Sounds like my teen and tween!

 

A 6-year-old, my goodness, why does he need to know what time it is? Or have/own a $25 watch? I certainly wouldn't replace that! (use the money for the jacket, if you must)

 

And a birthday trip to the science center nixed (SCIENCE center, mind you!) because of developmentally appropriate absent minded behavior? It isn't like he's losing things on purpose! This would be like punishing granny for being forgetful.

 

How did he manage to come away from some location without his jacket? If I'm with them, I make sure the jacket comes with us. If I'm NOT with them (at that age) I make sure he comes home with what he brought. Before we leave the place.

 

Mom, no imposing rules for teens on 6-year-olds. Gentle reminders and no punishments!

 

And the stuff *I'm* forgetting lately, sheesh. No trip to the science center for ME!

[GSOchristie]

The coat has to be replaced because that's what he's wearing for pictures this afternoon, pictures that are going to be giant canvases (20x30) hanging on my living room wall. We don't have a replacement outfit that I want in the pics.

[GSOchristie]

Sounds like my teen and tween!

 

A 6-year-old, my goodness, why does he need to know what time it is? Or have/own a $25 watch? I certainly wouldn't replace that! (use the money for the jacket, if you must)

 

And a birthday trip to the science center nixed (SCIENCE center, mind you!) because of developmentally appropriate absent minded behavior? It isn't like he's losing things on purpose! This would be like punishing granny for being forgetful.

 

How did he manage to come away from some location without his jacket? If I'm with them, I make sure the jacket comes with us. If I'm NOT with them (at that age) I make sure he comes home with what he brought. Before we leave the place.

 

Mom, no imposing rules for teens on 6-year-olds. Gentle reminders and no punishments!

 

And the stuff *I'm* forgetting lately, sheesh. No trip to the science center for ME!

 

Not science center, children's museum. 

[GSOchristie]

He went back to the car and got the jacket, he wasn't wearing it at the beginning of the day, it wasn't cold at the park, this is why I didn't think to remind him.  I just assumed the jacket was still in the car, and when I went to look this morning, it wasn't.  I sent him back into the woods for his water bottle and socks on this same day.

[GSOchristie]

And the watch is what he insisted to his grandmother that he had to have for his birthday, we all tried to talk him out of it, he insisted that he wanted it more than anything else and that he would keep it on.  Obviously, not so much.

[GSOchristie]

Thanks for letting me know that he is normal, that he is going to continue losing things, and that my expectations were too high, that's what I needed to know :).  

[plansrme]

He will be better when he is 10.  As my son got closer to 10, it was like a switch flipped on, and all of a sudden, he was responsible. 

 

Until then (or whenever it happens for him), I have two suggestions.  First, not to make such a big deal of it.  You don't want him being labeled in the family or in his head as "the irresponsible one," lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Second, set him up for success.  Buy bags dedicated to activities that require him to corral multiple items; check jackets for everyone before you leave; demonstrate ways to make sure gloves do not get separated, that sort of thing.

 

He'll get better, or not, but when he is 10, your youngers will be older as well, and everything will be less irritating.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The coat has to be replaced because that's what he's wearing for pictures this afternoon, pictures that are going to be giant canvases (20x30) hanging on my living room wall. We don't have a replacement outfit that I want in the pics.

If it is that important to you that he have a specific outfit for pictures, then it is your responsibility to keep track of that outfit, not a 6 year old's.  

[ktgrok]

He's six!  Remind the poor child to gather up his belongings before you leave anywhere.  I absolutely would not take away a birthday field trip.  (Honestly I thought I was going to be reading about an absent minded tween or teen when I opened this thread.)

 

same here! I was shocked to see he was only 6. He's little, he's going to be forgetful. With all gentleness, maybe you need to be more careful to check that everyone has their belongings when leaving someplace. 

[Trish]

Can he tell time?

 

I would expect more Watch Angst if you replace it.

 

Why not get him one of those cheapo plastic kiddie watches with superhero theme or whatever?

 

I'm sure he isn't interested in the accuracy of the watch!

[QueenCat]

I thought you were talking about a teen........... I would NEVER take away a child's birthday activity because they lost "things". Never........ Your expectations would be reasonable for a 12 year old. At 6, it was MY responsibility to make sure my child had his coat on him when we left church.

[wintermom]

Sigh, I figured it was too much, I am just so frustrated with him.  Now I have to go pay whatever Gymboree or Gap is charging because the pics are today.  

 

Go back to the thrift store and buy another inexpensive jacket.

 

I've had some experience with the LEGO watches, and in my opinion they are not great choices for young kids. They are over priced and fall apart too easily. Go with a cheaper sturdier model if your son really wants a watch. Or let him wear one of dad's old watches.

 

It's a learning process taking care of one's things. Are you and your dh perfect at it yet? Do you ever lose things? If not, then the boy has some great role models, and teach him everything you know. Otherwise, just be patient. What are your own methods of keeping track of your things? Maybe you can work together with him as a team.

[Trish]

Honestly even if it were my 14-year-old and I had much higher expectations, I wouldn't take away a birthday trip for a lost item. Not unless they "abandoned" the item on purpose and went to do something forbidden.

 

Just recently my 14-year-old lost a brand new pair of jeans, shirt and shorts, all in one bag that he was supposed to keep track of but left in a bathroom. (lost and found to no avail) His 'punishment' is he has to wear his old jeans, and if he wants new ones it's coming out of his money. Other than that, I don't care if he wears jeans.

[Danestress]

According to my mother, there are two kinds of people - people who constantly lose things and people who rarely do.  And according to her, it's a tough thing to be the non-losing mother of a constantly losing child.  She rarely ever loses anything.  My father, sister and I frequently did.  I think my sister is better than she used to be.  My father had a wife and a secretary to keep him on track.  I have continued to have a very loose touch on the material world, all of my life, and it has caused me a great deal of trouble.  I hate it about myself, and at times, I have been filled with self hate about things I have lost - things I loved and valued, and things that cost a lot to me or were important to other people.  Never, ever, ever give me the airplane or concert tickets to hold.

 

I am, actually, a very responsible person.  I do what I say I am going to do.  I show up on time (most of the time).  I made good grades, married a decent man, own a home that is reasonably maintained.   If I owe money, I pay it back.  If I have children, I prioritize their needs over my own.  I worry about the taxes and getting the cars registered, and I don't get drunk or drive too fast.

 

I know it's really really annoying, but try not to frame this as a character fault.  "Irresponsible" isn't really a fair way to think about this, IMHO.  My brain does some things very well, but keeping track of "stuff" isn't one of them, and your son might grow out of this or he might not, but my best advice is that you need to help him learn to cope with this because you do not want him to be as enraged at himself as I have been at times in my life.

 

None of that is to say that you shouldn't make him pay for things he loses or shouldn't gently hold him accountable.  If you lose stuff, you do pay a price, of course.  But that reality hasn't really helped change me into someone who keeps track of stuff, and I know my mother regrets not just taking a very practical, problem solving approach to this.  My husband has actually done a bit better with me - by gently putting procedures into place - like hanging a hook for the keys right by the door where I see it as I walk into the house.  I still put my keys in dumb places, but it does help. 

 

Of course, there is also the fact that your son is only six, and I do hope he is a normal person who just grows out of this!

[Garga]

He's 6. You're just at the beginning of a looooong journey! Let it go. You'll start to get more of a feel for what you can give him, little by little. You'll both make mistakes along the way--he'll lose things, you'll give him too much responsibility.

 

Just the other day I let my 11 yo be responsible for his epipen for the first time. You know, an epipen? The thing that keeps him from sure death if he eats a nut. DEATH.

 

Yeah, he lost it.

 

But I just sighed, found the old backup one, and called around until we figured out where he left it. I'll wait a little longer to let him be responsible for his own life. Sigh.

[clarkacademy]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

[Catwoman]

His dad is not bending on replacing the watch, I told him the punishment should be that he no longer has a watch, but he has decided that he has to buy a new one. I agree about the allowance thing being too abstract, but again, this is the way dh is handling it.

I think your dh is way out of line. Your ds is only 6 years old. I'm sure your dh views him as being older than he really is, and thinks he should be more mature because he's your oldest child, but he's still just a very young child, and making a 6yo pay for a lost watch seems awfully harsh. (Needless to say, I'm with everyone else about the lost jacket situation.)

 

As others have said, I thought this thread was going to be about a teenager, not a little boy.

[DawnM]

Christie,

 

I have a Lands End Squall jacket like this one:

 

http://www.landsend.com/products/boys-squall-jacket/id_211604

 

It is a Little Boy size L which Lands End says is around age 7-8.

 

If you want it I can send it to you (or if you happen to be coming to Charlotte I can meet you) , my boys have all outgrown it and it is still in good condition.

 

Dawn

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

Back in the day six year olds did not hunt, run a farm or an entire household.  They helped of course.  No one here is saying that you don't teach the child how to take care of their belongings.  It is a process that doesn't require any magical learning as a teen.  

[Catwoman]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

Ummmm.... 6 year-olds ran farms and households???

 

"Well son, you're 6 and grown up now, so it's about time you set out on your own."

 

No. Just no.

[Danestress]

I am not saying his birthday trip should be called off but this is the ages we teach responsibility so just letting it go with no consequence isn't good either. Back in the day six year olds could hunt, run a farm and a household they don't need to be treated as babies. At 6 it is my kids responsibility to care for their things, not mine. Birthdays are major so no he shouldn't lose that but their should be a consequence for not taking care of their belongings. If you don't teach them now, will they magically learn as a teen????

 

 

I don't know.  My kids, somehow between six and being teens, gradually learned to handle all kinds of things.  It wasn't "magical," but it also took patience and time. Even as teens they lose things.   Sometimes I don't  impose any consequence at all beyond just not having that "thing" any more.  If my kids forget to take their lunches to school, sometimes I take it back over.  Other times I let them go hungry or scrounge off a friend.  I think they are coming along ok. 

 

It seems to me that it would be somewhat tragic for a child to be expected to run a household or a farm at six  - or eight or ten.  Help?  Sure.  But run it?  That's not really a model I would aspire to.  Girls have also been married off at 14 and done an ok job of raising the kids they bore, but that doesn't make it something I hold up as an example to my kids of how they are falling short.