Need some unbiased advice regarding nannies driving kids around

[KuniMom]

My daughter is thinking about becoming a nanny for a family while she attends college.  The family wants to provide a room for her to live at their house, and then she babysits for free for a certain number of hours.  They also will reimburse for mileage driven while watching the children.

 

The question is:  They want her to leave her college and pick the kids up from school in the afternoon (1 mile distance) and then drive them home (7 miles), and babysit for a few hours until the parents get home.  She will then have to return back to the school to study and evening classes, before heading there for the night to sleep.  The parents only want to reimburse for the time that the children are in the car (7 miles). I think they should reimburse the round trip (14 miles) as the only reason my daughter has to drive back to school is because she drove the kids home in the first place.

 

What do you all think?  Are the parents correct or am I?

 

ETA: She walked away from the offer.  Thank you for all the input!

Edited December 11, 2017 by KuniMom

[kroe1]

Technically, they are correct. It is no different than hiring Uber or a cab. Nonetheless, your daughter can negotiate anything she wants. She also needs to negotiate exactly how many days and hours of babysitting cover her room and board. If the employer is only providing a room and no paycheck, they are getting a screaming good deal.

[Rosie_0801]

They are. Travel to and from work isn't the employer's problem.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Agreeing with the others, Needing to get back to campus is not the employer's problem.  

 

I hope your dd gets a contract that is really crystal clear on everyone's expectations.  What happens if in a semester, she needs an afternoon class as part of her major requirements?  

 

I have one friend who was very satisfied (as an au pair) with this type of arrangement.  I have many, many friends (both au pairs and parents) who ended up very dissatisfied with this type of arrangement because expectations were not clear or situations changed more rapidly for one party than for the other, and both parties were left upset over it.  

[KuniMom]

Yes, originally I thought this sounded like a great opportunity for her.  But they just gave us the contract, which was a pretty much one short paragraph.  They had added on a bunch of hours and then took away other things, such as not being allowed to eat their food.  And the Dad has been throwing out comments about helping to pay for utilities and stuff.  He keeps saying things like "If she's already here at the house and the kids are sleeping, I don't see why we would have to pay her when we leave."

 

I rewrote the contract and made it extremely detailed, but I still think she is getting the short end of the deal.  At this point, I feel like telling her to walk away.

[bettyandbob]

Parents are correct. However if the parents won't negotiate at all I'd be concerned about other things too.

 

I'm sure you are thinking about all the other details. Have these people had a nanny previously. Can your DD talk to previous nannies and find out if the stuck to agreements as far as amount of time worked. We're other nannies in school. What happens when exams roll around and are scheduled at all times a day thus interfering with school pick up. When you live in, the situation is a very slippery slope.

[bettyandbob]

Yes, originally I thought this sounded like a great opportunity for her. But they just gave us the contract, which was a pretty much one short paragraph. They had added on a bunch of hours and then took away other things, such as not being allowed to eat their food. And the Dad has been throwing out comments about helping to pay for utilities and stuff. He keeps saying things like "If she's already here at the house and the kids are sleeping, I don't see why we would have to pay her when we leave."

 

I rewrote the contract and made it extremely detailed, but I still think she is getting the short end of the deal. At this point, I feel like telling her to walk away.

Just read this.

 

My reaction is run. Do not consider this job. Just run.

[eternalsummer]

Run.  Nannying is generally paid at a pretty good rate; we're talking well above minimum wage.  Room (and not board!) in someone's house does not compensate fairly for a few hours a day of nannying, imo.  Call it 3 hours a day 5 days a week, that's 15 hours a week.  She should be making something like $200 minimum weekly - depending on location, up to $300+ weekly.  Not too many places charge $800 a month for a room (and the ones that do, she can get closer to $300/week).  If she takes it, they're going to start asking her to do a bit more and a bit more - oh, we're going out, they're just doing their homework, it should be no trouble, etc.

[maize]

I would also run from a nanny job where the parent is trying to argue that the nanny doesn't need to be compensated if the children are asleep.

[Sandwalker]

I wouldn't trust that man enough to let my daughter sleep in his house.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Sandwalker

[Hannah]

If he is already making comments like that before she's even started, it will only get worse.  Even if you have it on contract, they will try to push her.

I'd strongly advise her not to take it.

[Alessandra]

I hope your dd says no to this job. Even with reasonable employers, there are inherent conflicts. What if kids are sick? Does your dd have to skip classes and fill in? What if your dd's schedule changes, or would she have to arrange classes around the children's schedules?

 

The huge no for me is the room, because connecting living arrangements with the job means that your dd might not have the flexibility to quit.

 

Plus the unreasonableness of the employer in terms of food, utilities (?!), free babysitting when children are asleep, etc. I get the feeling that if your dd puts food in their refrigerator, she will be charged for using the space....

[Ausmumof3]

I'd be pretty concerned I think. I've seen these nanny situations go bad quickly and I feel personally that any time a person secure housing is linked to their employment there is potential for abuse because moving on involves so much.

[Rachel]

There are other nanny jobs, I would look for a different one.

 

Why in the world would the nanny be expected to help pay utilities when she isn’t likely making much anyway?

[Starr]

Also be clear about housework. I lived around many families with nannies. They provided a car for the nanny to use, hours were clear and focused on the children, well paid. This sounds like her energy will be trying to please the parents while getting attached to the children and not on school.

[JumpyTheFrog]

This guy sounds like he will exploit her.

[3 ladybugs]

I am surprised no one has mentioned this, but insurance on her car WILL go up if they find she has been using it for business purposes. I know. I looked into this when I was a nanny 15 years ago. I NEVER transported children in my car unless it was an emergency. When I got the job that I stayed at the longest (really till I got married) I insisted on having a car for the child. I had a brand new car (for me), but I wanted use of a family car so they had the responsibility and expense of the insurance, not me. I personally would never take a job where I had to use my car to transport children in my car. 

 

BTW The family had a Saab that I got to drive and I still love that thing to this day. GREAT car. 

[momacacia]

Either find another family or find another line of work. You're already unhappy with the situation, the Dad already sounds dissatisfied with her, and can you imagine her living in a house with his commentary like that all the time? He sounds like a jerk and this is a very personal line of work...not to mention living there.

[regentrude]

Like others, I would advise her not to take this job.Way too many red flags.

And under no circumstances would I allow my daughter to routinely drive her own car to transport her employer's children - that's an insurance nightmare waiting to happen.

 

[JFSinIL]

Sure she is an adult, but I would put my foot down and say NO and perhaps mention if I am paying for any of her college, I won't do so if she takes this unsafe, unwise position/living situation. That family is trying to take advantage of an young student with little life experience.

Edited December 10, 2017 by JFSinIL

[trulycrabby]

She should absolutely run from that hob offer; that family will be a nightmare to work for.

 

If she still wants to take the job after you talk to her, you might consider showing her this thread.

[Annie G]

You now how halftime in a high school football game has a flag corps waving flags through the entire show? This situation is like an entire flag corps waving flags at you and your dd.  You can see them. They're trying to tell you something. 

 

This job 'opportunity' sounds like at BEST it will lead to a crummy semester for your dd. 

[PeterPan]

My dd lived off-campus with a family friend for a semester, sort of like what your dd is proposing doing. It seemed like a good deal and a way to save money, but she lost a lot of time to cooking food, driving back and forth (just maybe 15 minutes each way, but it adds up!), etc. My dd moved on campus gladly this fall and would not want to do that again.

 

Edited December 10, 2017 by PeterPan

[Word Nerd]

Just read this.

 

My reaction is run. Do not consider this job. Just run.

Same. This sounds like a bad arrangement for the girl.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I find that if people are jerks before you start working for them, they are much, much worse once you start working for them.  

 

Run away.  Quick, fast, and in a hurry.

[Kalmia]

In the wealthy suburb where I used to work, families always provided the nannies with a vehicle, usually a nice, safe Volvo. They were also unbelievably solicitous toward their nannies, after all these were young women who could make their kids' lives wonderful or miserable. Also, on the sly, a good number of the moms' said they took pains to make sure their husbands weren't alone with the nannies very often.

 

It seems to me that this family can't really afford a nanny. This means they will be nickel and diming your daughter to maintain their false image of status.

 

I'd advise my daughter not to sign the contract.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Does the contract cover payroll taxes (FICA) for her as a household employee? I’d be surprised if this guy was willing to pay her taxes as required.

[marbel]

Pretty sure it's unanimous.  This job sounds like a terrible idea.  

 

ETA: the bit about the dad wanting her to pay for utilities; that's ludicrous and a good indicator of his thinking.  And not paying for the hours the kids are asleep.  

Edited December 10, 2017 by marbel

[Spryte]

I agree - run.

 

I was a nanny in college, and at one point I was a live in nanny. My situation worked out, but what you’ve written does not bode well, OP.

 

There are other nanny jobs, if she wants that.

[gardenmom5]

I'd also wonder how this will work next quarter with a different schedule.   the kids schedules stay the same - but colleges don't.

 

 

[Word Nerd]

This may be helpful: http://nanny.org/resources/nannies/employment-rights-of-nannies/

[happypamama]

Yes, run. This does not sound like a good setup at all. They’ll reimburse her for some of her travel cost — where’s she even going to get the money to pay for her gas in the first place, or for her food, if she’s babysitting for free?

 

I was a nanny for two years as a newlywed. Yes, there was a firm contract, but I was well paid and well appreciated. Never treated like hired help but like family. This sounds way worse than hired help.

Edited December 10, 2017 by happypamama

[Lang Syne Boardie]

She would be far better off working on campus, if there are jobs, or working in her college town. She will lose too much time and money, and will obviously be at risk in several ways, working for these people. I would be SO upset if my college student child even considered this job.

[Okra]

The hive doesn't agree on things very often. With this many people saying this is a bad situation, please try to talk to daughter out of it!

[Laurie4b]

Yes, originally I thought this sounded like a great opportunity for her.  But they just gave us the contract, which was a pretty much one short paragraph.  They had added on a bunch of hours and then took away other things, such as not being allowed to eat their food.  And the Dad has been throwing out comments about helping to pay for utilities and stuff.  He keeps saying things like "If she's already here at the house and the kids are sleeping, I don't see why we would have to pay her when we leave."

 

I rewrote the contract and made it extremely detailed, but I still think she is getting the short end of the deal.  At this point, I feel like telling her to walk away.

Given Dad's attitude, I would tell her to walk away.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

If your dd doesn't want to take your word for it, print out this thread.  This is BAD NEWS.  

[bolt.]

This is a difficult and emotionally draining job; the employer is pugnacious and cheap. She will earn nothing, and she will endure countless confrontations over her imperfections.

 

Your daughter will be in tears the first week, avoiding the house by the second week, hungry (possibly ill) by the end of first month, and failing by the end of the first semester.

 

It's foolish.

 

There is a reason real nannies /au pairs (even the ones focused solely on after school care) get real housing, real privilidges, and real pay. They also rarely try to carry a full course load with so much of their time committed to childcare. The spare room, no wages, and no food is absurd: even without all the other factors.

 

I concede that a truly dedicated parent-student could handle school age kids in the afternoon and still get their coursework done. Your average college student will almost certainly make a mess of her school -- while trying not to disappoint anyone at 'home' and trying to have a semi-normal college life in her (ha-ha) spare time, plus finding and paying for her own food.

[sassenach]

Yes, originally I thought this sounded like a great opportunity for her. But they just gave us the contract, which was a pretty much one short paragraph. They had added on a bunch of hours and then took away other things, such as not being allowed to eat their food. And the Dad has been throwing out comments about helping to pay for utilities and stuff. He keeps saying things like "If she's already here at the house and the kids are sleeping, I don't see why we would have to pay her when we leave."

 

I rewrote the contract and made it extremely detailed, but I still think she is getting the short end of the deal. At this point, I feel like telling her to walk away.

Red flags for sure. My dd has worked as a nanny for many years. Some good situations, some not so good. That attitude going in is not a good sign.

 

The biggest thing to remember is that you can be fired on a dime. If she woke up one day and had to move out by the evening, what would happen to school? This is the high point of the relationship. If they’re nitpicking now, it’s only going to get worse.

 

I would walk.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Sassenach

[scrapbookbuzz]

 And not paying for the hours the kids are asleep.  

 

 

This. Just because the kids are asleep, doesn't mean your dd wouldn't be working.

 

A relevant example from a different industry:

 

I work as a security guard at national football games and other massively crowded events. Sometimes it looks like I'm not doing anything because I'm standing still but what the outside observer doesn't realize is that I've been tasked with purposefully watching for anything out of the 'norm.' I'm not engaged in anything else, other than being still and watching everything and everyone, so that I'm not distracted from seeing what is wrong with a situation. To any outside observer, it would look like I'm doing nothing.

 

That being said, it is obvious this dad doesn't understand what it is to be a guardian. Nor does he understand what a nanny's job is. The nanny's job is certainly not to pay him. Tell your dd we're all rooting for her to walk away from this sketchy arrangement and find a MUCH better deal!

[Catwoman]

Just read this.

 

My reaction is run. Do not consider this job. Just run.

Another vote to RUN!!!

 

That job and those people sound AWFUL!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah like others said, this does not sound like a good deal at all.

 

 

[Tanaqui]

Gonna add my voice to the crowd. Sounds like a bad idea.

[gardenmom5]

Yes, originally I thought this sounded like a great opportunity for her.  But they just gave us the contract, which was a pretty much one short paragraph.  They had added on a bunch of hours and then took away other things, such as not being allowed to eat their food.  And the Dad has been throwing out comments about helping to pay for utilities and stuff.  He keeps saying things like "If she's already here at the house and the kids are sleeping, I don't see why we would have to pay her when we leave."

 

I rewrote the contract and made it extremely detailed, but I still think she is getting the short end of the deal.  At this point, I feel like telling her to walk away.

 

flag flag flag flag.

he's looking for reasons to NOT pay her anything.  nannies should be being paid above their room and board.

run, do not walk, do not pass go - tell her to move on now, just stop even having discussions with them  (DO NOT SIGN THE CONTRACT) or she WILL be sorry.

[Laurie4b]

Like others, I would advise her not to take this job.Way too many red flags.

And under no circumstances would I allow my daughter to routinely drive her own car to transport her employer's children - that's an insurance nightmare waiting to happen.

 

There may actually be a different rate for a work vehicle routinely used to transport children. 

[Carrie12345]

Nope

Nope

Nope

 

[SKL]

The mileage is the least of her worries.  If it were only the mileage, I'd say suck it up.  It's not the employer's fault your daughter has both day and evening classes. 

 

The other issues indicate one or both of the parents aren't committed to a real arrangement.

 

I could understand a lower rate for an overnight stay, especially if the kids are old enough that they rarely need anything at night.  But to not pay at all, nope.

[elegantlion]

I just want to comment on a post with a unanimous NO, that doesn't happen often here and I want to be a part of it. 

 

 

 

Yes, it sounds like a logistical nightmare when her schedule changes or there are finals that interfere with school or she wants to stay for a study group. Dad sounds like he doesn't really understand what hiring a nanny entails.  

[KungFuPanda]

Live in help that you don’t pay is slavery, not a professional nanny position. Your daughter will loose money in this deal. It’s bad.

[Butter]

As far as the mileage, they are correct.  What if she lived 30 miles away?  Not their problem.

 

But, man, the red flags!  She should just say no and run.

 

My daughter is a part-time nanny and occasionally drives the kids around (nothing regular like picking up at school, though).  The parents don't pay her anything special for that, but, instead, pay her a very high hourly rate (the same rate they always pay her whether the kids are at our house, their house, the park, or Chick-fil-A).  The couple times she's watched them overnight, they pay extra.

 

The dad not wanting to pay while she is there but the kids are sleeping is nuts.  It's very common for people to get a baby-sitter while the kids are asleep and they still get paid.  The kids might wake up, something might happen, etc. and there needs to be a responsible person there.  They are being paid to be that responsible person.  Wanting her to pay for utilities is insane.  The room is being provided so that the parents can go off and do whatever they want whenever she is there.  This is not a rent a room and then occasionally baby-sit situation.

 

The fact that these red flags are showing up before she's started working for them and it really sounds like the dad simply wants free baby-sitting means this is not going to be a good situation.  Run!

Edited December 10, 2017 by Butter

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Just to give an example of a standard au pair set-up here:

 

Au pair has her own room, may share a bathroom.

Au pair is included at family meals.

Au pair does 3hr/day nanny work plus 5hr per weekend.  Additional hours are additionally PAID, at a standard babysitter fee.  

Family provides housing, food, cell phone plan, 600-800 in pocket money per month, plus tuition for language classes.  Obviously your dd would not be in language classes, so let's just add 400/month to the salary.  She'll probably have her own phone plan, so another $50 to add to her salary.  

 

These people are CROOKS.  I would not attempt to re-negotiate a contract because they will screw her over, with or without a better contract.